05 - Kamala - Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse

0:00Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it. Infliction is killing me! Who cares? Big retailers and making record profits! That's why we support the Durban Marshall Credit Card Bill! See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need. While increasing Megastore profits, they deserve it. Don't they? No Congress, stop the Durban Marshall Money Grab for corporate megastores. Paid for it by the Electronic Payments Coalition. Mmm, one iced coffee. 99 cents please. For real? No way. Mmm. Mmm, one iced coffee. 99 cents please. For real? No way. Mmm. What a deal! Your new morning groove. Ice coffee from McDonald's, any size for just 99 cents to 11 a.m. Price and participation may vary. Can I be combined with any other offer?

1:01Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it. Infliction is killing me! But who cares? Big retailers and making record profits! That's why we support the Durban Marshall Credit Card Bill! See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need. While increasing Megastore profits, they deserve it. Don't they? Tell Congress, stop the Durban Marshall Money Grab for corporate megastores. Paid for it by the Electronic Payments Coalition. Second part, chapter 5. Dedicated to Wilhelm Gundet, my cousin in Japan. Chapter 5, Kamala. Sadatha learned something new on every step of his path, for the world was transformed, and his heart was enchanted. He saw the sun rising over the mountains with their forests,

2:01and setting over the distant beach with its palm trees. At night he saw the stars in the sky in their fixed positions, and the crescent of the moon floating like a boat in the blue. He saw trees, stars, animals, clouds, rainbows, rocks, herbs, flowers, stream and river, the glistening dew in the bushes in the morning, distant high mountains which were blue and pale, birds sang, and bees, wind silverishly blue through the rice field. All of this, a thousandfold, and colorful, had always been there. Always the sun and the moon had shone, always the rivers had roared and the bees had buzzed, but in former times all of this had been nothing more to Sadatha than a fleeting deceptive veil

3:02before his eyes, looked upon in distrust, destined to be penetrated and destroyed by thought since it was not the essential existence, since this essence lay beyond on the other side of the visible. But now, his liberated eyes stayed on this side, he saw and became aware of the visible, sought to be at home in this world, did not seek for the true essence, did not aim at a world beyond. Beautiful was this world, looking at it thus, without searching, thus simply, thus childlike. Beautiful were the moon and the stars, beautiful was the stream and the banks, the forest and the rocks, the goat and the gold beetle, the flower in the butterfly, beautiful and lovely it was, thus to walk through the world, thus childlike, thus awoken, thus open to what is near,

4:10thus without distrust. Differently the sun burnt the head, differently the shade of the forest called him down, differently the stream and the system, the pumpkin and the banana tasted. Short were the days, short the nights, every hour spread away like a sail on the sea and under the sail was a ship of treasures, full of joy. Siddhartha saw a group of apes moving through the high canopy of the forest, high in the branches, and heard their savage greedy song. Siddhartha saw a male sheep following a female one and mating with her. In a lake of reeds he saw the pike hungrily hunting for its dinner, propelling themselves away from it in fear, wriggling and sparkling,

5:11the young fish jumped in droves out of the water. The scent of strength and passion came forcefully out of the hasty eddies of the water, which the pike stirred up impetuously hunting. All of this had always existed, and he had not seen it, he had not been with it. Now he was with it, he was part of it. Light and shadow ran through his eyes, stars and moon ran through his heart. On the way Siddhartha also remembered everything he had experienced in the garden Jettavana, the teaching he had heard there, the divine Buddha, the farewell to Govinda, the conversation with the exalted one. Again he remembered his own words he had spoken to the exalted one, every word, and with astonishment he became aware of the fact that there he had said things

6:12which he had not really known yet at this time. What he had said to Gautama, his, the Buddha's treasure and secret, was not the teaching, but the unexpressible and not teachable, which he had experienced in the hour of enlightenment. It was nothing but this very thing what he now began to experience. Now he had to experience his self. It is true that he had already known for a long time that his self was Utman, in its essence, bearing the same eternal characteristics as Brahman, but never had he really found this self because he had wanted to capture it in the net of thought. With the body definitely not being the self and not the spectacle of the senses, so it also was not the thought, not the rational mind, not the learned wisdom,

7:15not the learned ability to draw conclusions and to develop previous thoughts into new ones. No, this world of thought was also still on this side, and nothing could be achieved by killing the random self of the senses if the random self of the thoughts and learned knowledge was fattened on the other hand. Both the thoughts as well as the senses were pretty things. The ultimate meaning was hidden behind both of them. Both had to be listened to. Both had to be played with. Both neither had to be scorned nor overestimated. From both the secret voices of the innermost truth had to be attentively perceived. He wanted to strive for nothing except for what the voice commanded him to strive for.

8:18To well on nothing except where the voice would advise him to do so. Why had Gautama at that time in the hour of all hours sat down under the boatry where the Enlightenment hit him? He had heard a voice, a voice in his own heart which had commanded him to seek rest under this tree, and he had neither preferred self-castigation, offerings, ablutions nor prayer, neither food nor drink, neither sleep nor dream. He had obeyed the voice. To obey like this, not to an external command only to the voice. To be ready like this, this was good, this was necessary, nothing else was necessary. In a world of endless notifications, there could be an important one you're missing.

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10:18And a full breast popped out of the woman's dress, at which Siddhartha lay and drank, sweetly, and strongly tasted the milk from this breast. It tasted of woman and man, of sun and forest, of animal and flower, of every fruit of every joyful desire, it intoxicated him and rendered him unconscious. When Siddhartha woke up, the pale river shimmered through the door of the heart, and in the forest a dark call of an owl resounded deeply and pleasantly. When the day began, Siddhartha asked his host the ferryman to get him across the river. The ferryman got him across the river on his bamboo raft, the wide water shimmered reddishly in the light of the morning. This is a beautiful river, he said to his companion.

11:19Yes, said the ferryman a very beautiful river. I love it more than anything. Often I have listened to it, often I have looked into its eyes, and always I have learned from it. Much can be learned from a river. I thank you, my benefactor, spoke to Siddhartha, disembarking on the other side of the river. I have no gift I could give you for your hospitality, my dear, and also no payment for your work. I am a man without a home, a son of a Brahmin, and a Samana. I did see it, spoke the ferryman, and I haven't expected any payment from you, and no gifts, which would be the custom for guests to bear. You will give me the gift another time. Do you think so? Asked Siddhartha amusedly. Surely, this too I have learned from the river,

12:21everything is coming back. You too, Samana, will come back. Now, farewell, let your friendship be my reward. commemorate me when you'll make your offerings to the gods. Smiling, they parted. Smiling, Siddhartha was happy about the friendship and the kindness of the ferryman. He is like Govinda, he thought with a smile. All I meet on my path are like Govinda. All are thankful, though they are the ones who would have a right to receive thanks. All are submissive. All would like to be friends. Like to obey, think little. Like children are all people. At about noon he came through a village. In front of the mud cottages, children were rolling about in the street, were playing with pumpkin seeds and seashells,

13:23screamed and wrestled, but they all timidly fled from the unknown Samana. In the end of the village, the path led through a stream, and by the side of the stream a young woman was kneeling and washing clothes. When Siddhartha greeted her, she lifted her head and looked up to him with a smile, so that he saw the white in her eyes glistening. He called out a blessing to her as is the custom among travellers and asked how far he still had to go to reach the large city. Then she got up and came to him. Beautifully her wet mouth was shimmering in her young face. She exchanged humorous banter with him, asked whether he had eaten already and whether it was true that the Samanas slept alone in the forest at night and were not allowed to have any women with them. While talking she put her left foot on his right one

14:25and made a movement as a woman does, who would want to initiate that kind of sexual pleasure with a man which the textbooks call climbing a tree. Siddhartha felt his blood heating up and since in this moment he had to think of his dream again, he bent slightly down to the woman and kissed with his lips the brown nipple of her breast. Looking up he saw her face smiling full of lust and her eyes with contracted pupils begging with desire. Siddhartha also felt desire and felt the source of his sexuality moving. But since he had never touched a woman before, he hesitated for a moment while his hands were already prepared to reach out for her. And in this moment he heard, shattering with awe, the voice of his innermost self

15:26and this voice said no. Then all charms disappeared from the young woman smiling face. He no longer saw anything else but the damp glance of a female animal in heat. politely he petted her cheek, turned away from her and disappeared from the disappointed woman with light steps into the bamboo wood. On this day he reached the large city before the evening and was happy for he felt the need to be among people. For a long time he had lived in the forest and the straw heart of the ferryman in which he had slept that night had been the first roof for a long time he had had over his head. Before the city, in a beautifully fenced grove, the traveler came across a small group of servants, both male and female, carrying baskets.

16:27In their midst, carried by four servants in an ornamental sedan chair, sat a woman, the mistress, on red pillows under a colorful canopy. Siddhartha stopped at the entrance to the Pelleja Garden and watched the parade, saw the servants, the maids, the baskets, saw the sedan chair and saw the lady in it. Under black hair which made to tower high on her head, he saw a very fair, very delicate, very smart face. A brightly red mouth, like a freshly cracked fig, eyebrows which were well-tended and painted in a high arch, smart and watchful dark eyes. A clear, tall neck rising from a green and golden garment, resting fair hands, long and thin, with wide golden bracelets

17:28over the wrists. Siddhartha saw how beautiful she was and his heart rejoiced. He bowed deeply when the sedan chair came closer and straightening up again, he looked at the fair, charming face, red for a moment in the smart eyes with the high arcs above. Breathed in a slight fragrance he did not know. With a smile the beautiful woman nodded for a moment and disappeared into the grove and then the servant as well. Thus I am entering this city, Siddhartha thought, with a charming omen. He instantly felt drawn into the grove and he thought about it and only now he became aware of how the servants and maids had looked at him at the entrance, how despicable, how distrustful, how rejecting.

18:28I am still a Samana, he thought. I am still an ascetic and beggar. I must not remain like this. I will not be able to enter the grove like this. And he laughed. The next person who came along this path, he asked about the grove and for the name of the woman, and was told that this was the grove of Kamala, the famous Cortezan, and that aside from the grove she owned a house in the city. Then he entered the city. Now he had a goal. Pursuing his goal he allowed the city to suck him in, drifted through the flow of the streets, stood still on the squares, rested on the stairs of stone by the river. When the evening came, he made friends with a barber's assistant, whom he had seen working in the shade of an arch, in a building, whom he had found again,

19:28praying in a temple of Vishnu, whom he had told about stories of Vishnu and the Lakshmi. Among the boats by the river, he slept this night, and early in the morning, before the first customers came into his shop, he had the barber's assistant shave his beard, and cut his hair, comb his hair, and anointed with fine oil. Then he went to take his bath in the river. When late in the afternoon, beautiful Kamala approached her grove in her sedan chair, Siddhartha was standing at the entrance, made a bow, and received the Cortezan's greeting. But that servant who walked at the very end of her train, he motioned to him, and asked him to inform his mistress that a young Brahman would wish to talk to her. After a while the servant returned, asked him, who had been waiting,

20:28to follow him, conducted him, who was following him, without a word into a pavilion where Kamala was lying on a couch, and left him alone with her. Weren't you already standing out there yesterday greeting me? Ask Kamala. It's true that I've already seen and greeted you yesterday. And didn't you yesterday wear a beard and long hair, and dust in your hair? You have observed well, you have seen everything, you have seen Siddhartha, the son of a Brahman, who has left his home to become a Samana, and who has been a Samana for three years. But now I have left that path, and came into the city, and the first one I met, even before I had entered the city, was you. To say this, I have come to you,

21:28O Kamala. You are the first woman whom Siddhartha is not addressing with his eyes turned to the ground. Never again I want to turn my eyes to the ground when I am coming across a beautiful woman. Kamala smiled and played with her fan of peacocks' feathers, and asked, and only to tell me this, Siddhartha has come to me. To tell you this, and to thank you for being so beautiful. And if it doesn't displease you, Kamala, I would like to ask you to be my friend and teacher, for I know nothing yet of that art which you have mastered in the highest degree. At this, Kamala laughed aloud. Never before this has happened to me, my friend, that a Samana from the forest came to me and wanted to learn from me. Never before this has happened to me,

22:28that a Samana came to me with long hair and an old torn loincloth. Many young men come to me, and there are also sons of Brahmins among them, but they come in beautiful clothes. They come in fine shoes, they have perfume in their hair and money in their pouches. This is, O Samana, how the young men are like who come to me. Quoth Siddhartha, already I am starting to learn from you. Even yesterday I was already learning. I have already taken off my beard, have combed to the hair, have oil in my hair. There is little which is still missing in me, O excellent one. Fine clothes, fine shoes, money in my pouch. You shall know, Siddhartha has set harder goals for himself than such trifles, and he has reached them.

23:28How shouldn't I reach that goal, which I have set for myself yesterday? To be your friend, and to learn the joys of love from you? You'll see that I'll learn quickly, Kamala. I have already learned harder things than what you're supposed to teach me. And now, let's get to it. You aren't satisfied with Siddhartha as he is, with oil in his hair, but without clothes, without shoes, without money. Laughing, Kamala exclaimed. No, my dear, he doesn't satisfy me yet. Clothes are what he must have, pretty clothes, and shoes, pretty shoes, and lots of money in his pouch, and gifts for Kamala. Do you know it now, Samana, from the forest? Do you mark my words? Yes, I have marked your words, Siddhartha exclaimed. How should I not mark words

24:28which are coming from such a mouth? Your mouth is like a freshly cracked fig, Kamala. My mouth is red and fresh as well. It will be a suitable match for yours, you'll see. But tell me, beautiful Kamala, aren't you at all afraid of the Samana from the forest, who has come to learn how to make love? Whatever should I be afraid of a Samana, a stupid Samana from the forest, who is coming from the jackals, and doesn't even know yet what women are. Oh, he's strong the Samana, and he isn't afraid of anything. He could force you beautiful girl, he could kidnap you, he could hurt you. No, Samana, I am not afraid of this. Did any Samana or Brahman ever fear someone might come and grab him and steal his learning and his religious devotion and his depth of thought?

25:28No, for they are his very own, and he would only give away from those whatever he is willing to give and to whomever he is willing to give. Like this, it is precisely like this. It is also with Kamala and with the pleasures of love. Beautiful and red is Kamala's mouth. But just try to kiss it against Kamala's will, and you will not obtain a single drop of sweetness from it, which knows how to give so many sweet things. You are learning easily Sadhatha, thus you should also learn this. Love can be obtained by begging, buying, receiving it as a gift, finding it in the street, but it cannot be stolen. In this you have come up with the wrong path. No, it would be a pity if a pretty young man like you would want to tackle it in such a wrong manner.

26:30Sadhatha bowed with a smile. It would be a pity Kamala, you are so right, it would be such a great pity. No, I shall not lose a single drop of sweetness from your mouth, nor you from mine. So it is settled. Sadhatha will return once he has what he still lacks. Clothes, shoes, money. But speak, lovely Kamala, couldn't you still give me one small advice? An advice? Why not? Who wouldn't like to give an advice to a poor ignorant Samana who is coming from the jackals of the forest? Dear Kamala, thus advise me where I should go, that I'll find these three things most quickly. Friend, many would like to know this. You must do what you've learned and ask for money, clothes, and shoes in return.

27:30There is no other way for a poor man to obtain money. What might you be able to do? I can think, I can wait, I can fast. Nothing else? Nothing. But yes, I can also write poetry, would you like to give me a kiss for a poem? I would like to, if I like your poem, what would be its title? Sadhatha spoke after he had thought about it for a moment, these verses. Into her shady grove, stepped the pretty Kamala. At the grove's entrance, stood the brown Samana, deeply seeing the lotus's blossom, bowed that man and smiling Kamala thanked. More lovely thought the young man than offerings for gods, more lovely is offering to pretty Kamala. Kamala loudly clapped her hands

28:32so that the golden bracelets clanged. Beautiful are your verses, oh brown Samana. I'm losing nothing when I am giving you a kiss for them. She beckoned him with her eyes, he tilted his head so that his face touched hers, and placed his mouth on that mouth, which was like a freshly cracked fig. For a long time Kamala kissed him, and with a deep astonishment, Sadhatha felt how she taught him, how wise she was, how she controlled him, rejected him, lured him, and how after this first one, there was to be a long, a well-ordered, well-tested sequence of kisses, everyone different from the others, he was still to receive. Breathing deeply, he remained standing where he was, and was in this moment astonished, like a child about a corner copier of knowledge

29:34and things worth learning, which revealed itself before his eyes. Very beautiful are your verses, exclaim Kamala, if I was rich, I would give you pieces of gold for them, but it will be difficult for you to earn thus much money with verses as you need, for you need a lot of money if you want to be Kamala's friend. The way you're able to kiss Kamala, stammered Sadhatha. Yes, this I am able to do, therefore I do not lack clothes, shoes, bracelets, and all beautiful things. But what will become of you? Aren't you able to do anything else, but thinking, fasting, making poetry? I also know the sacrificial songs, said Sadhatha, but I do not want to sing them anymore. I also know magic spells, but I do not want to speak them anymore.

30:35I have read the scriptures. Stop! Kamala interrupted him. You're able to read and write? Certainly I can do this. Many people can do this. Most people can't. I also can't do it. It is very good that you're able to read and write, very good. You will also still find use for the magic spells. In this moment, Sadhatha made came running in and whispered a message into her mistress's ear. There's a visitor for me, exclaimed Kamala, hurry and get yourself away, Sadhatha. Nobody may see you in here. Remember this. Tomorrow I'll see you again. But to the maid she gave the order to give the pious Brahmin white upper garments. Without fully understanding what was happening to him, Sadhatha found himself being dragged away by the maid, brought into a garden house avoiding the bedracked path,

31:38being given upper garments as a gift, led into the bushes, and urgently admonished, to get himself out of the grove as soon as possible without being seen. Contently he did as he had been told. Being accustomed to the forest, he managed to get out of the grove and over the hedge, without making a sound. Contently he returned to the city, carrying the rolled-up garments under his arm. At the inn where travelers stay, he positioned himself by the door. Without words he asked for food. Without a word he accepted a piece of rice cake. Perhaps as soon as tomorrow he thought, I will ask no one for food anymore. Suddenly pride flared up in him. He was a samana no more. It was no longer becoming to him to beg.

32:38He gave the rice cake to a dog and remained without food. Simple is the life which people lead in this world here, thought Sadhatha. It presents no difficulties. Everything was difficult, toilsome and ultimately hopeless when I was still a samana. Now everything is easy, easy like that lessons in kissing, which Kamala is giving me. I need clothes and money, nothing else. This is a small, near goal. They won't make a person lose any sleep. He had already discovered Kamala's house in the city long before. There he turned up the following day. Things are working out well, she called out to him. They are expecting you at Kamaswamis. He is the richest merchant of the city. If you like you, he'll accept you into his service.

33:40Be smart, brown samana. I had others tell him about you. Be polite towards him. He is very powerful. But don't be too modest. I do not want you to become his servant. You shall become his equal, or else I won't be satisfied with you. Kamaswami is starting to get old and lazy. If you like you, he'll entrust you with a lot. Sadhatha thanked her and laughed. And when she found out that he had not eaten anything yesterday and today, she sent for bread and fruits and treated him to it. You've been lucky, she said, when they parted. I'm opening one door after another for you. How come? Do you have a spell? Sadhatha said, yesterday, I told you I knew how to think, to wait and to fast. And you thought this was of no use.

34:41But it is useful for many things Kamala. You'll see. You'll see that the stupid samanas are learning and able to do many pretty things in the forest, which the likes of you aren't capable of. The day before yesterday, I was still a shaggy beggar. As soon as yesterday I have kissed Kamala and soon I'll be a merchant and have money and all those things you insist upon. Well, yes, she admitted. But where would you be without me? What would you be if Kamala wasn't helping you? Dear Kamala, said Sadhatha and straightened up to his full height. When I came to you in your grove, I did the first step. It was my resolution to learn love from this most beautiful woman. From that moment on, when I made this resolution, I also knew that I would carry it out.

35:43I knew that you would help me at your first glance at the entrance to the grove I already knew it. But what if I hadn't been willing? You were willing. Look, Kamala, when you throw a rock into the water, it will speed on the fastest course to the bottom of the water. This is how it is when Sadhatha has a goal, a resolution. Sadhatha does nothing. He waits. He thinks. He fasts. But he passes through the things of the world like a rock through water, without doing anything, without stirring. He is drawn. He lets himself fall. His goal attracts him. Because he doesn't like anything and to his soul, which might oppose the goal. This is what Sadhatha has learned

36:43among the samanas. This is what falls called magic, and of which they think it would be affected by means of the demons. Nothing is affected by demons. There are no demons. Everyone can perform magic. Everyone can reach his goals if he is able to think. If he is able to wait. If he is able to fast. Kamala listened to him. She loved his voice. She loved the look of his eyes. Perhaps it is so. She said quietly, as you say, friend. But perhaps it is also like this. That Sadhatha is a handsome man. That his glance pleases the women. And that, therefore, good fortune is coming towards him. With one kiss, Sadhatha bid his farewell. I wish that it should be this way, my teacher,

37:45that my glance shall please you. That always good fortune shall come to me out of your direction. End of chapter 5.