1065: Even Trump’s Cheerleaders Are Saying “Oops”

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I'm concerned about nuclear annihilation, and you're like, well?

And JVL's like, that'll teach him?

Maybe that'll, then no one really found out.

Maybe just one little bomb.

Hello, Austin, I'm JVL here with my best friends, Sarah Longwell.

It's Tim Miller of the Bullwork.

Yeah, yeah.

So, last night's show in Dallas was great.

I was nose annex, super nice and happy, light side JVL, not tonight.

You guys, he saved dark JVL for you. That's like, so nice.

So, okay, so listen, here's the deal.

The war is not going great.

But there are some silver linings.

In the last 48 hours, two of my former friends, Christopher Caldwell and Sarah

Bimari, who spent the last decade fluffing Donald Trump, have all of a sudden gone, oops.

And it's so fucking delicious.

Sarah, I've just-

Did they texted you to apologize, sir?

No, it's funny, and there are pieces in which they now say,

well, this is horrible.

How could this-

This is the worst thing any president has ever done.

None of them say the two words I want to hear.

I'm sorry.

My B.

I just want to hear it.

But what about that lady at the gas station, who was like, I guess I'm a fucking idiot?

I guess I'm a fucking idiot.

That's all I want to hear.

That's why she's forgiven, by the way.

The read Donald Trump votes, and I'll forgive you if you just say you're a fucking idiot on TV.

That's all I ask.

It's the same.

She's from Central Pennsylvania.

Yeah.

Integrity.

Yeah. Has anybody out there heard from Ross Douthet?

What do we think the timeline is on when he flips on Trump?

Do we think more than a week?

Less than a week.

Okay.

So here are just a couple things that have happened in the last 48 hours.

Price of oil settled in about $100, $8 a barrel.

Now, from that scene in Landman.

Yeah.

Is 108 the sweet spot for no?

You're aiming for 60 to 90.

Oh.

At 90, there's still printing money in Midland.

So they're still doing pretty good out there in the Permian Basin.

Above 90, things start to get expensive for everybody.

What if you're like, say, 20% above 90 and still rising?

Not great.

Not great.

Okay.

You guys, we were on the bus today driving from Dallas to here.

And Tim just kept looking at the window being like,

where is Landman?

Where is the Landman?

I just want to see an oil rig.

I want to see Tommy Lee's cute son with his teeth.

That's all.

Okay.

So we are at $3.90 a gallon nationally on the average.

$4 will be the national average next week.

Take that to the bank.

No, this is good.

You know why?

This is the fucking stove.

Touch it.

Touch it, America.

Donald Trump is mulling sending ground troops to an amphibious invasion

of either Carg Island or the Iranian coastline.

It's more stove-touching.

We embrace this.

The Pentagon has said they want $200 billion.

Iran may have hit one of our fifth generation stealth fighters today.

Did you guys catch that?

I did.

Yeah.

That's great.

That's bad. Stop saying it like it's great.

No, no.

I'm sorry.

I know I meant it was bad.

Yeah.

I meant it was bad.

And then we had this thing happen where

Israel targeted the South Parse field,

you guys may or may not know.

It was the largest natural gas field in the world.

Donald Trump said first that he had no idea

that the Israelis were going to do this.

And then was like, of course, I knew it all.

I knew it so bigly and very strong.

And the Iranians retaliated

by hitting the liquid natural gas field.

Where is this?

And to Ross Laughan in Cutter,

which, so help me with the math,

this field in Cutter is responsible for 20%

of the entire supply of global,

globally, of liquid natural gas.

And so far, they think that 20% of that field's capacity

is offline for probably about five years.

So 20% of 20% means that in an afternoon,

we lost 4% of the global supply of liquid natural gas.

I think how much to me more is going to make

from this in Landman now.

I mean, she is going to be printing.

Is to me more in Landman?

Yeah.

I might watch that show now.

That's great.

Stay on point.

Why are we in?

We're in Texas, so I'm just saying it's really bad

for the whole global economy.

Like, pretty much everybody around the world

is going to really be suffering from this,

whether it be gas prices or food prices,

but they're like 87 people in Texas

that are really going to crush it,

including to me more's character in Landman.

So, I mean, we were talking a little bit about this on the buzz.

I look at all of this,

and I wouldn't say that I'm gleeful.

That's the wrong word.

But I do feel as though this is a learning moment

for our countrymen, for our nation,

and so I welcome it.

I'm Ron Burgundy.

Discuss.

Don't share for that.

He's your best friend.

Do you go?

Here's the thing.

We do want a modest amount of stove-touching.

We want people to learn the lesson

that hiring these jackasses to run the country

is a really bad idea.

I do think if we get sucked into World War III as a result,

and I genuinely mean like a pro...

I was trying to say this at Dallas last night too.

I wasn't trying to.

I said it.

We could be sitting right now

on the precipice of an entirely new world.

Like, you do have to sit with it for a second,

and it doesn't feel like your average kind of volley

of political content.

It is, we might be moving into a new,

protracted, totally destabilized,

Middle East,

while we're also maybe going to invade Cuba

and have installed a new dictator in Venezuela,

and the people who are running the country

both lie to us at every turn about everything,

so we're not getting reliable information.

And I mean, energy prices, which is how you kicked it off,

is like, it could be just the beginning.

We don't know where this is going to go.

And so, when I think about stove-touching,

which I got nominally for in the Trump 2024,

it was more like, can we slip into just a bit of a recession?

And people feel like, ah, that was a bad choice,

and Trump gets down to the bush line at 32%.

And then, you know, Democrats can win,

and everybody looks like it is a failed experiment.

Like, we could be moving into a place

where we have a destabilized economy,

a destabilized global order,

and like, Donald Trump, by the time he leaves,

you've got to elect a Democrat

to clean up everything and wear a war.

And so, that is not my preferred mode of stove-touching.

Yeah, I think it's worse than that, actually, quite a bit.

First, I just need to just bring voice to the fact

that J.V.L. just chugged a diet Pepsi

in the most animalistic way that I've ever seen you drink.

I mean, that was unbelievable.

You just housed an entire 20-ounce diet Pepsi in one swing.

Isn't that how everybody does it?

Okay, I needed that joke before I got dark.

There's a reason why I can't be gleeful about it.

And there's a part of me, obviously,

that enjoys the stove-touching,

enjoys watching people be like,

you know, I fucked up on this one.

There is a part of me that enjoys that.

But I don't think that people have really,

and I don't think it's really set in for people

like just how bad things are going to get.

And things are about to be.

And I think that this war is by far the worst thing

that he has done in the two terms,

and that includes the COVID response.

And even the insurrection, I guess,

was worse for the democracy,

and historically worse, probably.

It will be the thing that people remember.

But for regular people's lives,

unless you were like binging newsmax,

and it's like a clockwork orangeway,

binging newsmax, or the cops that were protecting the Capitol,

for a lot of people that January 6th

just didn't really affect their lives.

And this is going to affect everybody's life.

And as I said here and around the world,

and I just, I think that there's a sense

that Trump has wriggled his way out of a lot of jams,

and that a lot of people like us even feel this way

watching my friends on MS.

I was actually texting with Chris Hayes about this earlier.

It's like, you know, it's like we were wrong in 16,

like all of us thought Hillary were going to win.

A lot of people thought Trump could win in 2024,

but like deep down, we're like really,

and he's fucking people are going to vote for him again,

like really, you know.

And with Venezuela thought was going to be a shit show.

And you know, the economy felt like it's been teetering

his whole term.

And so there's like a lot of these things

have been happening where people are like,

I don't want to be the guy that's out there saying like,

this is a catastrophe.

This is the thing that's going to finally get Trump.

Like, you know, you don't,

people don't want to be that person, right?

Because you don't want to feel embarrassed and be wrong.

And like he's proving people wrong.

Like I never handed the Trump anything,

but you have to admit that.

Like this thing, this thing is fucked.

Like he could quit tomorrow,

and that would be good,

because fewer lives would be lost.

But like, yeah, it would be good.

But the economic consequences this

are spiral out of control.

I mean, like I,

if you listen to any people that are like experts

in various niches, you know,

and then JVL like nerds out on the reading,

I do and listening on podcasts,

like I was listening to like fertilizer reports.

And you know, and stuff.

And it's like, you know,

people who are farmers right now that are deciding

like which crops to plant soybeans

are going, like this thing is going to ripple out

economically across the entire economy.

Do you want to hear a new one?

Please, give me one.

So our colleague, Catherine Rampell,

just published a piece about this.

One, yeah, she's awesome, right?

Generic drug prices.

Gonna go way up, you know why?

Because a lot of the chemical precursors

have to go through the state of Hormuz

to India where generic drugs are made.

Yeah, horrible.

So they're all these things.

Oh right, horrible.

Sorry, that was horrible.

Yeah, they're all things right now.

And then so that's just the economic consequences

and I think that the economic consequences

are worse than people really are understanding.

And a lot of that is because even Wall Street,

like even the market,

you've talked about this a lot.

Like there's this irrational

exuberant hill taco and it'll come back.

It's not like it's going to be a bad year economically.

And then geopolitically,

you know, Bob Kagan was so good on this talking to Bill.

It's like the in the Middle East things are fucked.

It cutter was giving a press conference today

and they're like, what the fuck is happening?

Like this is bad for us.

It's bad for Iran.

It's bad for the US.

It's only good for Israel.

Like that's what the country's for.

It's good for somebody.

Yeah, and Europe, like the, the, the, the down, like JV,

JD Vance, that fucking piece of shit

with his recessed profile.

Yesterday it was like bragging about how like,

you know, costs are going up here a little bit

but not as bad as Europe.

How do you think Europe's going to feel?

How do you think Japan is going to feel in South Korea?

Is going to feel when they have economic pinches

that are all the result of our president's stupid war in Iran?

Like that, like they're going to be very upset about that.

There's, there are gas fields blowing up,

not just in Qatar and Bahrain.

Israel was bombing Beirut right now.

Saudi got hit today.

Like the thing is spiraling on a control

and it is hurting people all around the world

and it is only going to get worse

and all that can be done right now.

There is no good outcome.

Like there is no positive outcome.

Like all that can be done is they stanch the bleeding

and we have minor economic consequences.

On the scale of what is possible.

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Right, but hear me out.

So Sarah, I think, because she's a good person,

would like somebody to touch the stove

in the way that you're like,

oh, I gotta put some ice on that and you get a little blister.

I'm interested in third-degree burns

and the house going down in flames

because, no, no, let me say what?

Because a million people died in America from COVID.

And it wasn't enough.

Because three years later, two years later,

the country was like, yeah, sure, let's try this shit again.

Like, maybe it has to get really catastrophic

in order, like, if COVID wasn't enough.

Okay, but here's the other side of that.

He's still president for how many more years?

I've lost track of time.

How much longer have lost?

It's three. It's just under three.

It's just under three. Great.

How do you think he is going to react

when the precious market tanks,

when the economy tanks,

when all of his rich buddies

that were sideling up to him and rubbing his belly

and being like, you're so great

because you're cutting the regulations on our AI right now.

How are those guys going to feel

when their funding dries up

from their pals in the Middle East

and the Mullahs if they don't have it?

Like, Trump is going to,

is could actually be in the type of corner

that I don't think we want him to be in.

Like, where the downside risks,

like the long tail negative risks

are, let me continue.

Again, I just want to keep making my case.

Yeah, I know, but I do want to just say

this is not a good thing.

This is not a good thing.

Right. I don't mean that it's good.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is not a good thing to say about Americans,

but I think it is a true thing,

which is the million people that died in COVID

does not stack up.

Like, that matters less to them

than if they're energy prices

and the prices of all the goods related to that go up.

Like, that will have more of an impact

on how people think about Donald Trump than COVID.

Just as a true matter.

Well, because it touched America.

Yeah, I guess.

A disaster in Iran.

Also, probably.

I am a little bit gifted.

I thought I was doing my best

to bring this crowd down.

I thought the whole thing is,

I was like, I'm very dark about the situation.

I'm catastrophizing right now.

It's 9-11, and I was thinking to myself,

this is the moment to bring everyone down into the dirt.

Yeah.

And then we'll build you back up by the end of the show.

But yeah, I can't, I can't phase you.

I can't phase you right now.

You're getting, like, I was about to, like, we're on the,

I'm concerned about nuclear annihilation.

And you're like, well,

and JBL's like, that'll teach him.

Maybe that'll, then no one really found out.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Maybe it's one little mommy, but you know that scene

in the dark night where the Joker is sitting

on the pile of money and he sets it on fire.

Ha, ha, ha!

I would also say this.

One of my long-tail concerns has been the senior officer

corps in the United States military,

deciding that they could be on Donald Trump's side

in any potential future coup.

I think this Iran adventure probably

makes them less interested in supporting him.

Yeah, right?

Another, again, silver linings everywhere.

Yeah, I mean, you can't properly calibrate these things,

but ideally what you would get is enough negative consequences

that people see Donald Trump as a failure

without the consequences being so catastrophic

that like the America can't recover from them.

And I think we're starting.

I'm going to take that risk.

Yeah, I know you are.

All right, let's eat her.

One more at, though.

One more, one more thing.

One more thing.

Six weeks from now, eight weeks from now,

Elon Musk is going to do his IPO for SpaceX.

What if that is happening at the moment

that the global economy is going into the toilet?

And Elon's last bid to become a trillionaire.

It's fucked on the side of it.

Do I have you now?

You've got my attention.

You've got my attention.

I do think that space fuel is going to be pretty expensive.

I think that the input costs are probably

going up for space fuel for Elon and Jeff Bezos.

All right, so this space fuel, I assume

that their little penis rockets take fuel.

Are they solar panels?

Not jet, not jet.

I think they're electric.

They're solar panels?

I don't know.

All right, so how do you fuel the rockets?

Do you have any rocket scientists in the room?

It's space fuel.

That's what I thought.

Not a single rocket scientist.

There are 1,100 of you, not one rocket scientist

in the room.

Could you phone a friend?

Oxygen.

Parasene.

Does that go through the straight of our moves?

Does that go through the straight of our moves?

Do we know?

All right, listen, I don't want you guys

to think that I'm all dark, OK?

Because there was a great way.

Where would they get that idea?

There was a great piece in Politico today

where we had some really good news on the war coming

from inside the White House.

I don't know if you guys saw this.

Pete Hegseth said, our ungrateful allies in Europe,

even segments of our own press, should be saying one thing

to President Trump.

Thank you.

That's great.

A senior administration official said to Politico

over a four-day period, the videos that we put out

had over 3 billion impressions.

That blows away anything we've ever done in the second term.

Polls show that a lot of young people

are actually somewhat supportive of this war,

and our goal is to deliver content to them.

That's a real thing.

That is a real quote.

Who said that?

A second is a senior administration official.

They gave the Politico, gave them anonymity

to talk about their...

Here is a second view.

They're crushing their Twitter views.

Their meme engagement.

That's anonymity.

A second anonymous official in the White House said,

we're over here just grinding away on banger memes, dude.

LAUGHTER

So our government is killing it on social.

LAUGHTER

I've got some negative feedback about my barbecue content.

That's what I have, by the way, I just want to say.

So they're beating us on that.

The content engagement is good.

That's not great.

That's not really...

What did I break you, Tim?

Kind of, and it feels like we should have

some more serious people in charge of the war in Iran.

I disagree.

This is who the people voted for.

This is what they voted for.

They voted for banger memes.

Banger memes, 2024.

I saw that bumper sticker.

The good news is one of the negative consequences

I listed about the war in Iran, economic, geopolitical,

et cetera. One thing we didn't mention

is increased terror throughout at home,

but there is kind of a good silver lining on that, right,

which is we have a new head of Homeland Security,

who's going to be a little more serious

about looking into threats at home.

Mark Wayne Mullin, Peace 3-0 in MMA,

in the Tulsa semi-pro MMA league.

He had one victory over a 19-year-old when he was 29.

And then he had another, he had two victories

over a gentleman who was named, like,

Rowdy Piper or something.

Howdy Rowdy Piper.

He was one in 11 career, one in 11.

So he's going to be in there making sure

that tourists don't do anything to us.

So that's good.

Do you know that he didn't get the vote of Rand Paul?

Because he told Rand Paul, he laughed about him getting beaten

up, said he deserved it when he got assaulted

and got his ribs broken.

But don't worry, guys.

Don't share for that.

Yeah, even though Rand Paul voted against him,

John Fetterman bailed him out.

I was wrong.

Hand up accountability.

See?

Sorry, I could say it.

All right.

Other good news from the war.

The independence.

I'm a fan of John Fetterman, JVL.

I mean, you didn't have a stroke.

That is hooked up.

And it does tell us something.

That when somebody strokes out and they lose half of their brain

power, they immediately get very mad.

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Okay, I'm sorry.

Last piece of war.

Last piece.

You just come up with that.

I've never heard you say that.

I keep a couple on my back pocket.

Last piece of war silver lining.

I mean, JD Vance is fucked, right?

So would either of you like to as politically to the post that JD's

like reconsidering the 2028?

Oh, I sure did see that.

So I would ask you guys as political professionals,

if you were playing his hand, what would you do?

I mean, this is, I would probably spike Donald Trump's

tightcokes with Drain-O, like, only if I'm him, not if I'm me,

because I would never do that.

But if you're him, JD Vance needs Donald Trump to like be done

as quickly as possible and maybe like takeover

before Donald Trump's term is ended,

because otherwise it is fading fast for him.

In part, I like this look.

First of all, hold on.

I'm just going to launch into a quick one here.

All right, so here's the thing about the future

of the Republican Party.

This is book material.

I mean, if you guys advance on the book,

but a lot of it.

What book are you referring to?

Quick plug.

Is there a book here?

If you want to order it, did everybody pre-order it?

What book are we talking about?

How to eat an elephant one voter at a time?

Yeah, my book.

I got tired of signing your books at these things

and had to write my own.

But a lot of it is about what is the future

of the Republican Party look like?

Because it is definitely not going back.

You'd be surprised how many people I'm in rooms with

who think what Republicans will get beat

and the new normal party is just going to rise out of the ashes.

And I'm like, have you seen the Nazi text messages

from the 25-year-olds?

I'm sorry, they're actually like 45.

But the point is Trump's ares the next generation.

They were formed in the fire of Trumpism.

This is not going away.

And J.E. Vance had sort of a lock on the fact

that he was able to fuse what is the mega establishment

and the America first right.

He can't do that now, credibly.

He has endorsed this war.

And when you see the polls that say mega,

100% for this war, they are with Donald Trump.

That's true, because that's the cult.

That is the part that says you put on the red hat

and you're in the big tent.

But actually, 25% of Trump voters are opposed to the war.

17% of Republicans are opposed to the war.

Now, those people I suspect are the America first Tucker Carlson

wing, but that wing's about to have some juice.

And there is about to be a big crackup over Israel,

over this war in Iran.

And so actually, it is really scrambling

what the future of the GOP looks like.

It is not clear now that somebody, I mean,

even can be the heir apparent to Trump,

let alone do what Trump did in holding this coalition together.

I'm glad you did a rant, because it's very painful for me

to get inside the head of JD Vance,

the most repellent person that I've ever encountered

in my entire life.

And so it's kind of psychological.

What's that?

Worst than Rick Grinnell.

Worst that are in a hell.

Wow, low bar.

He's never threatened to hit me.

I mean, Rick wasn't really threatening to hit me.

Come on, but he was getting pretty hot under the collar.

But it's kind of psychological torture

to think, what would you do if you were JD Vance?

But I had a few moments to think about it.

And I think he has no choice but to side off to Trump.

And here's why.

And here is the good part.

Here's the delicious part, which

is the psychological torture of being JD Vance.

And that is that he can't break.

I mean, if you think about the conundrum that,

and I know we all hate to do this,

I'll go over it very fast.

The conundrum that Kamala Harris was in,

whether how to separate from Joe Biden.

It was hard for her.

She had no to-do.

She was loyal.

But also, Joe Biden didn't like it any time

she tried to distance from her.

And there's reports, I hate color, and be like,

why are you doing this?

OK, so that was very challenging for her.

But it was Joe Biden.

I mean, he was like in Delaware.

He's in her home with Beach, like eating ice cream

most of the time, right?

It's not like he was on Twitter ship hosting her,

but it was still challenging.

If you're JD Vance, and Donald Trump is alive

on this mortal coil, and he is bleeding

on his social media feed, you can't move an inch.

Like he has no choice.

Like he is in, baby.

You're in for a penny, in for a pound, with Donald Trump.

And so I don't think he has any option.

Because if JD tries to do the cute thing,

where he's like, well, I was in the situation

room saying that this was going to be a disaster,

but I'm so loyal.

Donald Trump will come down on him.

And I think he'll move over to Little Marco

in his big ears in two seconds.

And so I think JD's stuck.

Oh, I love that for him.

You know what I always say?

The greatest delicacy in life is.

When bad things happen to bad people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

That was nice.

I had some fun things to talk about.

Did you guys see that the Federal Arts Commission

approved the Trump commemorative gold coin today?

Sorry.

Let me read from the news release.

The proposal.

How far down is the jump off of the stage?

Could I survive that, do you think?

The proposal calls for a 24-karat gold coin depicting

Trump leaning on a desk with clenched fists.

Such gold coins from the US Mint typically

sell for several thousand dollars.

A Mint official told the panel that Trump had personally

approved the design.

This is different from the $1 coin

that he is also going to put his face on.

Any thoughts?

Wow.

OK.

Moving right along.

I've been really.

Here's the thing.

Here's the thought I would have had two weeks ago.

Can we do an imaginary time travel thought two weeks ago?

Great.

I want Donnie Trump focused on the coin

and the East Wing renovation and the new marble armrests

at the Kennedy Center that we're going to fucking bulldoze

the second we take office again on the arc to Trump,

which we're going to take down like college kids,

take down a goal post after they win a football game.

Like just focus.

That's what I would have said two weeks ago.

But like, it doesn't seem like he's distracting him.

He's managed to do the coin and destabilize

the entire global economy and do a stupid war

in the Middle East.

And so it's hard to find joy.

It's an ugly coin, I will say.

It's very poorly designed.

He's doing it.

Have you seen it?

Yep.

It's like it's him standing behind the nest doing this.

I don't know.

I was trying to think about like, could I take up smelting?

And we just like, smelting.

Smelting, yeah, we smelt these down.

And then we turn them into like, I don't know,

weapons of some kind.

We could use against them later.

I don't know.

I don't know what the answer is.

I do know that.

Do we have any smelters out there?

Does anybody know anything about smelting?

I'm intrigued.

I was, I was excited to use the word smelting.

I don't have a lot beyond that.

I will say nobody's going to have enough money to buy coins

after he wrecks the economy.

So.

Oh, that's great.

Maybe Peter Tillby.

Do you know what, though, we are, guys,

this is, I think I do think he's going to build all of this stuff

because he's so afraid psychologically of like going to hell

and dying without like a real legacy.

And he's going to build all this stuff.

And we are, it is going to be fun.

Like, think about 10 years from now

and the entire world has settled on the fact

that Donald Trump was an enormous failure,

one of the worst figures to ever be in American politics.

And then we just start tearing it all down.

That's going to be fun.

That's going to be healing for America.

Like the Saddam statue.

Do we get to, do we get to tear down the ballroom?

Absolutely.

Here's.

Oh, that is different.

That is, this is an old fight.

This is an old fight.

You said Democrats should run on tearing down the ballroom.

Never said that.

Never said, no, what I said was, I will find the triad.

What I said was any Democrat who isn't willing to do that

is disqualified from running for president.

Right?

Any Democrat, look, I didn't understand.

Where are they supposed to, how are they're going to put,

they're going to say, they're going to run on that then.

If you're saying they're disqualified,

you're like, I'm going to say it should be on the website.

Well, you shouldn't, if you're Gavin 2028,

it doesn't have to be first thing on the about us.

I will tear down the ballroom.

I'm just saying that if I, as a reporter, ask Gavin Newsom,

so you get elected, you're going to tear that fucking thing down.

Gavin's answer better be shit, yeah.

Anybody who says, well, I don't

want to look forward, not back fuck you.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

We could tear down the ballroom, but like,

these morons in Oklahoma are going to name the Tulsa airport

after him, so we can't go to Tulsa anymore.

Is Tulsa nice?

Did we all have been there?

Guess I won't ever be able to go to Tulsa probably,

so that's going to be the problem.

You can get highways in Alabama.

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Every, every third high school in the South

is gonna be named after Donald Trump.

Is there still a Jefferson Davis County here in Texas?

I think there is.

Yeah, it is wild.

You guys, this is why the bush line matters,

though, I'm telling you, if he is down.

Praising, no, we get below it.

No, I want to hit the water table line.

Yeah, that's fine.

I hit the bush line, keep going down.

This is important if he leaves office at 26%.

No one's going to name shit after him.

They're just not.

Okay, listen, we got to keep going.

Got to keep going.

So you're also rooting for economic client, but even.

JVL won you over, kind of.

I think I explained this perfectly before.

I'm calibrated between, you know,

without terrible harm coming to the American people,

but enough.

Get some ice and it's just a blister.

That's what Sarah wants.

What's a neosporant on it?

Right.

I don't want the skin to be hanging off

and like need surgery.

That's what I want.

The burn unit.

Okay.

Good news about the UFC fight.

The crypto market is crashing.

That's good, sorry.

The UFC fight at the White House

is no longer going to be on America's birthday.

Thank God.

It's not going to be on Donald Trump's birthday.

Oh.

It is going to be broadcast on David Ellison's CBS.

Exclusively?

Yes.

The White House MMA fight is going to be broadcast on CBS.

Uh-huh.

While we're doing minor, you know,

little, little pieces of joy,

little piece of shot in front of you.

Have you checked out the CBS evening news ratings lately?

Oh, yes, I have.

Yeah.

Well, people, do you know,

do you know who is on the CBS evening news before Tony D?

Dickerson?

Dickerson and Mars Dubois, something Dubois.

Anyway, nobody watched that.

The ratings are worse.

So they've gone down.

They're going down from there.

That's about regaining the trust of viewers, Tim.

It's kind of a, when you think about it,

bad for the world, bad for all of us,

but there's something that is a little satisfying

about the fact that like they're like,

you know what?

We're going to put somebody in charge of CBS news

that is an unapologetic Middle East war monger.

And they have two things that they care about.

They don't like woke.

They're soft supporters of Donald Trump,

and they love bombing people in the Middle East.

And like putting that person in charge

for pro-war propaganda, right?

Like literally the month before,

Donald Trump starts the stupidest to Middle East war

imaginable is kind of delicious.

And you can watch Tony D have to try to spin it

and be like, well, these things are going bad,

but you know, 780 bombs landed today.

So that's kind of nice to want some suffer through that.

All right, last thing on the UFC fight,

now we're going to move on.

Sure.

When is Donald Trump's birthday?

I've got to figure out.

It's like June 14th.

Trying to schedule my vacation.

Yeah, OK.

So you're asking them like you guys all committed

to memory when Donald Trump's birthday is,

because you love to send him presents.

So the headline, the main event at this fight,

is a...

Mark Wayne Mullen.

Oh.

Is a Georgian, like Soviet Georgian fighter

against an American guy, and the American guy's

going to get his ass kicked.

And so it's perfect that like, you know,

the comedy guy is going to win.

Maybe it's a job or a thing, though.

I don't kind of like how I took the fall for Kinsinger

and the cutoff.

Maybe the Georgia guy will take the fall.

All right, last thing on this, on this, the...

Did anybody see the Pearl Harbor stuff today?

Oh.

So, uh...

There's just a guy in the audience screaming.

Just like the gutter ol' shame.

Same brother, same.

We have an audience participation segment coming,

and I would like to find you.

Sir, so when that starts,

do the gutter ol' scream again,

so I know how to find you.

Sonatek H.E.

The conservative Prime Minister of Japan

was visiting with Donald Trump, and he was asked about...

Why didn't he warn our allies in Japan

about the Iranian war?

I'm going to try to do my Trump.

We didn't tell anybody about it

because we wanted a surprise who knows better

about surprise than Japan, okay?

Why don't you tell me about Pearl Harbor, okay, right?

You believe in surprise?

I think so much more than us.

This is a real thing.

Those are the words he said.

I now will reach you from the New York Times.

As Mr. Trump spoke, Ms. Taikichi widened her eyes

and appeared to take a deep breath.

She kept her arms crossed in her lap and did not speak.

So we got that going for us.

She wants like a mega-champagne.

Yes.

So you get what you sign up in the line

of the bed you made, lady.

But the one kind of thing that I don't think people

are focusing on enough about this moment,

because everybody talks about the embarrassment

and how Trump is bringing shame on the country,

and like, but we've been doing that for like 10 years.

Like, we know that it's embarrassing.

For me, I was stuck on the fact that, like,

does he think that the Pearl Harbor sneak attack went well?

That's funny that that's what you thought,

because my whole thing was like, he keeps saying,

why didn't you call me about Pearl Harbor?

And I keep being like, were you

president during Pearl Harbor?

Like, is that where we are now?

He was alive, I think.

She wasn't.

But why would she call him?

I don't know.

Why would anyone call him about Pearl Harbor?

They were attacking us.

I guess Pearl Harbor kind of magnificently backfired, though.

I just think that's important to think about.

Also, I'm not sure we want to be doing Pearl Harbors everywhere.

To people.

I don't think so.

I thought Donald Trump also said it.

I mean, maybe our thing will also be catastrophic.

And why not as a disaster like that seems likely.

Again, hopefully we don't get, hopefully we don't get nuked.

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Can I ask a real question?

You guys.

I love America.

That's OK.

We can make a Nagasaki joke.

It's been 80 years.

All right, you can hush all over the crowd when I did that.

How are we supposed to root for America

when we're now the baddies?

Oh, that's a good transition from Nagasaki, I guess.

No, I'm serious.

OK.

Do I have to?

I can answer this.

OK.

Should I go first so you can be positive?

Are you going to be positive?

Are you going to say we should root for us?

I mean, I've got an answer.

But you do your thing, and I'll do mine.

I am not, right?

I don't, I can't.

I don't think.

I was rooting for the Canadian, it's a hockey match.

That was very disappointed.

Let me, and let me set this up.

Of course, it's a point that we lost the hockey match,

weeping the Canadians, up into Canada three times.

Today, the Financial Times reported something previously

unreported, which is that in January,

when the Danes sent troops to Greenland.

Did you remember this?

So the Danes sent a small unit of their version

of the Marines to Greenland.

And today, it was reported that they came with explosives

and blood.

So do transfusions, because they just believed OK.

So we're going to wind up in a shooting war with America.

And we got to be able to blow up the airfield.

And then we got to be able to do transfusions when our guys

get shot by the Americans.

This is the rest of the world is making plans,

including deploying troops, assuming

that we're going to attack them, our allies.

I read this, and I see the president making

fun of the Japanese Prime Minister and Pearl Harbor

and all this other shit.

And I just think, wait a minute, how

we're supposed to be rooting for America?

We are the bad guys now.

No?

Yeah.

I don't, Sarah, I'm hoping that you can give something positive.

I said I was going to go dark at 9.11.

I didn't know you were going to ask me this question later.

But it's really hard, honestly, because I

think about, we've all got young kids.

So much of those kids are here.

And it's like, how can you make the case

that what America is doing is good right now?

You really can't.

You really can't.

And that's challenging.

And it's challenging to think about these assholes

that are the Trump fluffers, like try to bully us over this.

And be like, you're rooting against America.

You're not a patriot.

And it's like, no, what they're doing right now

is not patriotic.

Like, what they are doing is trampling

on what the country is supposed to be about.

But also, the country is what it is.

You know what I mean?

Like, the country is what's on the piece of paper

in the Declaration, too.

But like, the country is also what we are doing, right?

You can't just pretend like that's not part of the country.

And I don't know.

I'm not rooting for office.

I'm not like, I'm trying to get Adam to run again.

But I'm not.

Yeah.

So I can say, I'm not rooting for us.

I want us to fuck it up, because we deserve it.

And then, hopefully, we can earn people's trust back.

But yeah, no, we are.

We're about.

And it's hard to deal with.

All you have is taking us to the dark place tonight.

Yeah, I mean, this is a good fair conversation to have.

I think I try to do a little bit of what you just,

not that you conflated it, but I do try to disaggregate.

What America is supposed to stand for?

Who we're supposed to be?

The things we were founded on versus what we're doing right now.

And I think that part of our job as patriotic Americans

is to draw the contrast between what we are doing right now

and who we are supposed to be, and who we are,

and what we were founded to be.

And Bill Clinton is not like my favorite guy in the world,

but I will say he is one of my favorite quotations, which

is there is nothing wrong with America

that can't be cured about what is right with America.

And so I think a lot about, OK, well,

sometimes people want to blow everything up

and what do we need to be new and transformative?

And I believe that it is a transformative moment.

But I also think a lot of, in the transformation,

we should go back to the thing that made us who we are

to begin with with the awareness of what has happened

over the last 250 years.

There's something wild about the fact

that it is the 250th anniversary of America right now.

And so it's a good time, actually,

for us to, my hope, one of my big fervent hopes

in this moment is that because Trump shows us

who we don't want to be, that America rediscoveres

what it does want to be in contrast.

And so I don't want to say we're the bad guys as much as I

want to say we are doing bad things and perverting all

of the things we said we were supposed to stand for,

which started with the Republican Party

abandoning everything that it was supposed to stand for.

And now it is happening to us as a country.

I mean, I always think about the first Trump administration

was about the Republican Party sort of dying

in the face of Trump.

But the second Trump term has been changing America.

It has been America weathering in the face of Trump

because it's not just the institution of Congress,

it is our media companies, it is law firms,

it's universities, like the things that we're supposed

to hold the line, a lot of them are failing.

It is a moment of deep cowardice and a very sort of scary time.

But I do think that like if we were to figure,

if we were to fix it, it would be by saying

that we were recommitting to the thing that made us

who we are in the first place.

All right.

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It's tax season and by now, we're all a bit tired of numbers.

But here's an important one you need to hear.

$16 billion.

That's how much money and refunds the IRS

flagged for possible identity fraud.

But it's not all grim news.

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Terms apply.