146: STOP CALLING EVERYONE YOUR FRIEND 😡

Luke, Luke, and Sassy, Sassy.

Sassy.

It's God.

Welcome to, are we going to call it Luke's Court Room?

You can call it whatever the how you want.

Welcome to Luke's Court Room, where I am taking Scott to court

because I am going to charge him for being a rude prick.

And Luke's tried to charge me for like similar shit

before in the past, and we played this game,

which was Drew Judy.

And they sided with you?

But not in the actual podcast, maybe in the edit

made me seem more right than the actual segment.

Anyway, but when I was actually up on the stand,

the jury listened to my position, and they sided with me.

So again, we have a live jury of people that are listeners,

and we've called them, they're going to listen to

whatever Luke's going to carry on about now.

And then they're going to make their verdict.

Yeah.

So what I'm the incident that is in question right now

is the other day I was talking about someone,

and I called them my friend.

And Scott replied back with, they are not your friends.

Correct.

Calling everyone your friend, they're not your friends.

Correct.

And it hurt me, and I didn't like it.

And Scott, that's what I'm charging you with right now

for being a prick, and I want you to give

your definition of a friend right now.

Okay, I'm so glad, because this could be a fucking soapbox

or a sassy Scott spray.

We don't want it to be.

One thing that, and it became really prominent

when Luke and I got management.

We had a manager who was phenomenal at what they did.

Great friend.

Wanted to be our friend.

And Luke would say, yeah, you're my friend.

And they would be like, Scott, can't we be friends?

And I'd go, no, we're not friends.

We're really good colleagues.

You're a phenomenal manager.

I respect you so much in the workplace.

Now, just because I want to make this really clear

to the jury, just because you're friendly with someone,

it doesn't make you friends.

The term friend, okay?

Let me tell you.

No, it's not about giggling.

No, because I can do the same thing.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I could have no.

So you should come fucking prepared to this shit.

But we don't, it's supposed to be off the cuff.

No, let me be like a leader script right now.

Let me be very clear.

Remember this jury.

This is what a friend is to me.

A friend is somebody that you hang out with one on one

outside of circumstances, right?

To you, you call each other to talk.

That's a friend.

They know your personal life.

That's a friend.

They show up in tough times.

That's a friend.

You'd invite them over for dinner at your house.

You could go for months, a month and on end of not talking

and pick up a phone call and pick up where you last left off.

Now, again, just because you're friendly with someone,

it doesn't mean they are your friend.

Friendly with someone.

Friendly with someone.

They're friends.

No, I'm going to keep going now.

I think your definition has some truth to it.

Yes, you're right.

The truth to definition of friends, for me,

is people come in and out of your life at certain times.

And during those times, those people around you

are your friends.

The people that they are safe in just a content.

Exactly.

That could be industry.

That could be a colleague.

That could be family.

Does it hurt your friend?

Well, I can't they be your friend.

Well, are they?

Are you doing those things with them?

I think the yes.

No, there's certain people we open up to differently.

It's like, oh, you need a therapist.

You need that.

But there's certain people.

There are acquaintances.

There are certain people in your life.

Did you get along really well with?

Talking over me doesn't make you right.

Okay.

All I'm saying is I don't know what you're saying, actually,

because you don't let me talk.

You can have a best friend.

That's different.

But I feel like everyone in my circle,

how I get on with them that I open up to,

I would call them my friends.

They can be your workmates.

They can be your clients.

They can be your party mates.

They can be your familiar face.

They can be someone you see at the cafe all the time.

They're not your friend Luke.

They can't be.

And stop trying to reach that gap.

You might run into a friend of yours at the cafe,

but the person that you always see at the cafe

isn't your friend.

See, but I like to give them the term a friend.

I think it's a nice way to connect with people.

And this is what I'm telling you, right?

It truly is your generation.

And I'm telling you, you use the term

friend so lightly.

You throw it and put it on to everyone in anyone.

When truly,

the term would stop the relationship of a friend

is something that's earned over a long period of time.

It's a level of trust.

It should not be thrown around so lightly.

It is okay for you to call somebody,

your colleague, your classmate,

somebody acquaintance,

somebody that you like seeing around.

They don't have to be your friend.

Oh, they can be.

Thank you.

We go over to the jurors now.

Both have made compelling arguments.

I would like to first hear from juror number one,

Amelia.

And you can give feedback to what you've heard too

and what you think.

Amelia, please give your verdict and thoughts.

Thanks, Amelia.

Your time today.

Well, I think I agree with Scott here.

Sorry, Luke, but Scott does make a valid point.

Not everyone you meet can be your friend.

And it's also that professionalism

as well in a workplace as well.

Thank you so much.

I didn't say everyone.

I mean, it's going to be my friend.

Thanks so much.

Juror number one.

Luke, please don't come for the jury.

This is like Amelia.

I'm coming for you.

Is it this like witness tampering or something?

Oh, I got you.

I got you.

We will go to juror number two.

And I will say,

because juror number two could just decide it.

But I do want to hear from all three jurors.

So juror number two,

what is your verdict and thoughts?

I agree with Scott.

And I have two examples just the other day,

my son asked me if somebody was my friend at the gym

and I'm like, no, that's my trainer and that is partner

or whatever.

I don't, I, he knows everything about my life,

because it's my trainer.

I talk about my life with him in trains,

but wouldn't say to someone,

oh, this is my friend.

I'd say this is my trainer.

And second example, my husband has a business.

And when he courses employees his friends,

I hate it.

They're not your friends.

They are your workers.

I called your husband.

You know.

Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Well done.

Thank you.

Makes so much sense.

Now, Indiana, Indiana, you could go either way here.

Juror number three, please tell us your thoughts

and your verdict.

I'm sorry, sorry, Luke,

but I really do agree with Scott.

I agree with Scott,

because yes, you can be friendly with people,

but you can still have them be that,

that have that professional relationship,

and also just be acquaintances with people.

You don't have to be friends with every single person

that you meet.

This is a really great opportunity for Luke to reflect.

Say I'm friends with all of them.

I said, there's some that I do call my friends,

which is a higher number than Scott.

This has been a phenomenal segment.

Thank you so much.

And let's go to the public phone after this.

So if you're listening to this as well,

go to Spotify or anywhere and let us know what you think.

Juror number one, two, three.

Thank you so much for playing with us today.

Thank you so much.

Juror number one, two, three.

Hopefully one day I can call you my friend.

I think there's something that Mike really wants to talk about.

He's fascinated by something that's happening

in this room right now.

I don't give two facts.

Well Luke came into the studio today

wearing nothing but a bathroom.

Can I just say how hard?

I don't even know what episode we're up to.

150?

Yeah.

150 looks, Mike.

It's quite hard.

Yes.

And I've got these really comfortable homey robes

in the house.

Not sponsored.

I am impressed by your guys' ability

to have a different outfit every episode.

You're welcome.

It's challenging.

And this is good.

Like I like that sometimes yours are a bit wacky.

I consider my looks the day before we record.

Mine's five minutes before we record.

We can tell.

Well I'm comfortable for this one.

So Luke is in a dressing gown.

And it matches like the drapes.

Like your hair is the same color as your dressing gown.

Is it really fascinating?

Thank you.

And you've got a ton of nails.

And you're nails hanging off yet.

He will get really mad about my feet being showed

in these podcasts.

So I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I've never done a book review in my life.

We know people that are in book clubs.

We know people that have written books.

That's true.

I'm possibly doing a book deal.

Which is crazy.

How are you actually?

Yeah.

Nice.

I'm in discussions with one at the moment.

Oh Luke just wrote you.

No, I did it, Mike.

And you want to know about the book deal.

They actually came to me and Luke

and said we want you guys to write a book together.

And I came up with a really been.

I came up with this thought that I thought was really,

really cool.

I don't know if I want to give the idea away.

Don't give it away.

I'm not giving it away.

Anyway, Luke was like, I don't have that kind of capacity.

I'm like.

It's not.

So this is my friends that have written books.

The amount of edits you have to do afterwards is wild.

You would imagine somebody that went to university

and that would be capable of doing it.

I've written my 10,000 words and stuff.

I appreciate that Luke hasn't got the capacity to do it.

And I said, well, what about me?

And they said, yes, sure.

They would love you to put forward like an idea.

And I put forward three ideas.

And they're considering which one we go with.

Awesome.

Yeah.

I can't wait to read it.

And in the meantime, I myself have just read a book

which is fascinating to me in how it landed on my lap.

And when it landed on my lap.

If you don't know, Mal Robbins,

and I'm going to have to try and win you over

if you don't know her.

Also, my brother Luke,

because he doesn't really seem to care right now.

Well, for the first, what past three years host

the Amy Polar and Mal Robbins was the same person.

Yeah, this is possible similarities.

Yeah.

What's fascinating is the people that manage us in America

manage Mal Robbins.

Oh.

And she was coming out here to Australia.

And they're like, you and Mal and Luke

would be so amazing together, right?

And I was like, oh, fuck.

And then they said to us,

her Melbourne shows in a couple of weeks,

I'm like, oh, I better read her book.

Hell, like, would you want to do something with it?

But I was busy that week.

Yeah, Luke was busy.

So they could meet Mal.

I got priority.

Like Mariah Carey, we couldn't meet Mariah

because we had other priorities too.

You got to have your own South Worth.

You got to have Boundaries.

Is that what it is?

South Worth?

Boundaries.

So if you'll look after my well-being.

Listen, the book though fell in my lap.

Sure forced because there was a possibility we were going to meet her.

But I've been admiring Mal Robbins

and the whole idea of, I've heard of this,

let them theory that she came up with.

She came up with that I'm not going to touch

whether she came up with it or not,

because so many people since I started

sharing online that I was reading the book,

people are starting my day and it's going,

she stole the theory and blah, blah, blah.

And people are saying all of this stuff and,

oh, just let them score.

Correct.

I'm like, what I think is really fascinating

that you need to know is the let them theory

actually has two more words to it.

It's let them let me.

Because I always found that when I thought of this let them theory,

I was like, oh, it's like it's like Tefon.

Like, oh, nothing sticks and everything is everyone else's problem.

So let them do whatever they want.

Let them get away with their bad behavior.

But she explains that there's the alternate to it is let them do whatever they're doing.

And therefore let me consider what I should do.

And so she's very good at what I find breaking down

common sense and what's obvious.

And when we get stuck in a rut so easily and spiral

and get caught up in our own habits,

she's really good at kind of just being able to make you go,

hang on, why am I doing that?

I'm no longer going to accept it.

And she breaks it down across lots of areas in your life.

Professional environments, personal relationships,

enabling people in your life.

One that I found was just so fascinating was,

and this is big for me, controlling other people.

And you just can't.

And the amount of energy you can put into wanting somebody

to do something that's going to get you the outcome

that you want them to achieve or to experience

is just going to put, you're just putting all of your attention

onto that other person.

Versus going, I can't control them, let them do whatever they want

or let them experience what I know they shouldn't be

and they're going to find out the hard way, let them go through that

whilst I then reconsider how I'm going to look at the situation.

Can you give us an example?

Yeah, she gives a really good example,

which I related to.

She's like, you know, if you are the type of person

that puts together your presentation, puts a whole lot of work together,

you pitch it to your team to get them across the board.

And then they're like, okay, thanks.

Now it's not really what we want to do.

And you're so stuck on, hang on, but I truly put in so much work and effort.

I believe this is the best pitch or brief to put forward

why they're not taking it.

You can just accept that you put a lot of time in diligence and energy into it

and you go back to the drawing board and you do it again.

And that's part of your work ethic versus getting so caught on

why they've said no to you and spiraling

because you have no control, no to understanding of why they have shot it down.

I said no to you.

Yeah.

So why should people read it?

Listen, it for me.

And I think, I think I'm a pretty

wow mental health rounded out person.

But I found in a moment of lately a lot of

pressure.

I found myself in a place of reviewing everything around me.

It's very bizarre.

I found myself slower than I've ever been in the past few months.

Why are you nodding?

Oh, I'm just agreeing.

It's nice to agree.

And I found that this was a circuit breaker that I needed.

It was like a refreshing outlook on kind of I think my own values,

but it was like allowing me to go hang on Scott.

You know exactly who the fuck you are.

Let them go and do whatever they want.

Let's bring it back to you now.

And that's what I think in the title it's missing.

The second part of the hang on let them so I can let me do what I want.

But I think you'll find this impossible to actually put into practice.

Oh yeah.

Give me an example when you've actually had to bite your tongue and try to do this.

So I'm using the let them.

So I, so it says it's not immediate how it comes into your day.

It's based on habits.

So it's something you have to continuously do for a period of time.

One thing that you know about me like driving down the road.

If I see somebody like do something wrong coming front of me.

She speaks of the amount of energy that we can give that person

that can change the direction and the course of the rest of your day.

Because you're so caught up in.

You don't like what somebody else has done on the road out of your control.

Yet here you are having a huge visceral response towards it.

It's like a imagine if you just went let them right and you let it go.

Right.

And you chose to continue listening to the song you liked going about your day

because you couldn't control that they were going to come in front of you

and kick you off or whatever.

So just let them.

So I am constantly in the car at the moment going let them.

I must look like a friggin.

Does she give more examples like that or does she give you tools?

Because it seems like there's no tools.

There are a lot of tools because it's reframing.

One big tool is let them.

So if you can consciously say that to yourself you are putting a barrier

in between you and something that's just happened from somebody

and then it allows you to then go let me now consider what I'm going to do now.

And I got to the very end of the book.

No.

No.

No.

So Luke has just put his feet up on the couch into Scott's face.

And so let me fucking break that down for you.

Let them do that and let me consider what I'm going to allow happen

in my professional workplace.

And I don't allow that to happen in my workplace.

I'm very clear with my boundaries.

So you take your feet off the chair.

I'm just learning about the book.

There you go.

But let me call out.

No, because it's very good to go and hang on.

Where do you stand with something versus just always leading other people's actions

like I think inhibit you.

What?

I just nearly knocked everything.

There was a couple of things I at the very end of the book,

which is usually the moments.

And I wanted to instead of the let them,

it's this is the let me take away.

Will I let you?

Because there's a lot of pink highlight.

Stop wasting your brain space on the million tiny things that don't matter.

It's time to use every second of your day for all the amazing things you know

that you're capable of.

Stop letting the fear of what other people might think paralysed you.

It's time to go after your dreams boldly, relentlessly and unapologetically.

I do that one.

And there were a few in there that I was like, oh, I'm already doing it.

Do you agree with everything though?

Yep.

Stop tiptoeing around everyone else's emotions.

This is a huge one for me.

It's time to fiercely protect your own space.

Stop letting other people success.

Devastate you.

It's time to get to work.

So that's the comparison, the thief of comparison.

So instead of always worrying about what somebody else is doing

and you wish you would do.

You had what they had.

It's time for you to just go hang on.

I'm going my own lane here and do it.

Before you read the next one,

I heard a quote or someone says something to me other day that I really liked.

But it's kind of going against everything you're just saying right now.

It was like, why do something that's going to better your life by 5%

if it's going to hurt someone else's life by 95%.

I'm not talking about hurting other people.

No, but that's the consequence of doing something selfishly.

It might be your little win, but your impact could have a negative impact on someone else.

That's what I think.

By not comparing yourself to somebody.

No, it wasn't either the quote beforehand.

It was like stopping yourself from telling around everyone else's emotions.

She speaks to emotions.

It's really fascinating.

She has spoken to it and she quotes thousands of hundreds of therapists

and people that are specialists psycho and psychoanalysises.

I don't even know if that's not the word I'm looking for.

They're from Harvard and that.

She quotes them all, right?

That usually by her saying, stop tipping around somebody else's emotions,

it is not their emotion that they need your support

and you to physically be there for them or emotionally.

It is stop enabling them to control you in the way you go about your day.

So that's the tiptoeing where somebody doesn't allow you to be you

because they haven't dealt with their emotions.

So I think all in all, it's all on you.

You are responsible for the energy you bring and you show up.

And I rate the book and I think it's a beautiful reminder of how to put yourself first.

Thanks, Mal.

I like the color green tea.

You should you.

I've just got a lot of things in my life at the moment.

Why you can't write a book?

Because you've got a lot of things in your life.

You can't write a book either.

We'll see.

Look, look.

And sassy sassy.

Sassy.

It's gone.

I found myself in a phone call the other day

where I was having to spell our surname, a helleran.

And I feel like we have to do that quite a bit.

It's not a hard surname, I don't think.

But there's a few.

Oh, is that an O or an A?

So I found myself doing the whole O for this hatch for...

I've got octagon.

Halloween.

Like I kept going through it, all right.

And I got to A and I was like, A for Apple.

And then she just giggled.

And I was like, oh, sorry.

I was like, I'm like her is her colleague near her.

I think she's like, oh, it's just funny when people don't know it.

I'm like, no, watch.

And she was like, that's A for Alpha.

I'm like, oh, she's one of these people that are going to correct me.

But then I'm like, why don't we know it?

We just guess it every time.

And I have fun every time.

I'm like, oh, B for Bob, C for Cat, D for Dog, E for Elephant.

But should we know it?

So it's the phonetic alphabet you're talking about.

And it's because it's something you say over the phone.

Is that a phonetic?

It's global.

And the idea is that...

No, what?

Is that what it is?

phonetic is what it looks like it would sound like.

No, no.

I think...

No, it's because it's over the phone.

Phonetic.

No.

No, no, no.

That's what I thought it was.

But I'll learn it.

The phonetic alphabet.

Phonetic is how you think...

Like how it sounds like it would spell versus how it would spell.

Yes.

Like a photographic memory.

No, that's photo.

But to be fair, the prefix of phono means sound.

So telephone means...

Like, tele means far away and phon means sound.

So it's like far away sound.

Yeah.

I guess.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Maybe I do know the language and I don't.

And maybe that...

Just when I got to ASI, the first one that was wrong.

So sometimes if a word's really hard to write, you write it phonetically.

How it...

How it looks like...

How it sounds like it should spell.

Not how it actually is spelled.

Dude, that's spelling 101.

But not when you're trying to say A4.

Okay.

We'll teach him another one.

I think the idea is...

Beautiful.

I'm like beautiful.

Of course you do that to spell it out.

But then each specific letter.

No, I know that.

But like...

Anyway.

I think the idea is...

For each letter, there's a word that does not rhyme

with any other word in the phonetic alphabet.

So it could never be confused with another word over.

Right.

Because if it was like A for Apple B for B Apple,

then any sound cutouts on the phone you might confuse them.

Right.

I'm just going to have to stop you there.

What's that?

That's really smart.

I just made it up as an example.

Okay, cool.

This is really good.

You're teaching.

Yeah, yeah.

So it's like...

There's basically, it leaves no room for error over the phone.

So I always find my annunciation and ability to like spell it out

or sound out what I'm saying.

Yeah.

I find that people kiggle at me.

But there's no question mark in the word that I've just said

when I'm spelling it to them.

Like I'll say,

D for devour.

And they'll be like, yeah, got it.

Like they're like, we know what you just said.

We know what you mean.

So I've asked Mark Scott to go up and give us a little quiz.

So he's going to be quizzing us and seeing if we know the right answers

to letters in the alphabet.

Okay.

I think I do.

L.

Luke.

I think it could be Lama.

Scott, do you want to counter?

Yeah, I would say Luke.

No, it's Lima.

Lama and Lima.

It's so close.

L-I-M-A.

Damn it.

So let's go over to S for Scott.

Scott.

So in on a phone call, I would say S for Scott.

Okay.

Sam.

See, I naturally would do S for Scott.

It's not snake.

Is it Sam?

No, it's not Sam.

What is that?

Can I go one more?

Yeah.

Silver.

No.

It's Sierra.

Oh, yes, Sierra.

See, I have to kill a brand.

But I don't know who to see.

Let's see.

Let's see.

Let's see.

Let's see.

Let's see.

I read the hip hop artist.

Okay.

Well, let's go.

All right.

Well, someone else.

Let's go for the letter M.

M for Mary.

M for Mary.

M for Mary.

Mary from the real housewives of Salt Lake City.

Mary from Jesus.

This is Mary fucking Cosby.

It is not.

Mary.

It is a name, though.

Margaret.

It is not.

Margaret.

It is not a woman's name.

Mark.

It's a name very close to both of you.

Mark.

It is my.

My.

Oh, my God.

It is the other M.

It is my bride in front of us.

What about F?

Fred.

They're not all names.

This is what I would say at the Fred.

I guess it's interesting in your first response.

No.

Scott, you're thinking deeply.

What would you say for D for Delta E?

No, I'm just going to F.

I'm trying to get my way there.

But if you were on the phone now, what would you say for F?

Fred.

Fred.

Fred.

Fred.

Fred.

Fred.

Yes.

It's not a name.

Oh.

But describe what it is.

Sound it out for us.

It's sort of like, it's two words.

It's actually like two words.

Fire truck.

No.

One is an animal and one is like.

Fireflies.

The.

The.

What?

One is like.

One is like.

If you're riding a horse, I think a horse could like gallop or.

For.

Hand or.

I know.

I know.

I'm just going to say it.

It's a fox truck.

I've heard a fox truck.

Yeah.

Okay.

What do you want to do one more?

Yes.

Okay.

For the win.

For the desire.

This is the decider.

And.

For Nelly.

Yeah.

I always go Nelly as well.

It's not right.

It's not.

It's not.

It's not right.

It's not.

It's not.

It's not Nelly.

It's not.

It's not.

It's not Nelly.

It's not.

It's not Nelly.

It is actually.

We've got to keep going until we get one right now.

Okay.

It's November.

November.

Okay.

All right.

It sucks.

Ah.

Roger.

It's not Roger.

Rub it.

It is a name, though.

That's a clue.

It's not a common name.

Richard.

That's pretty common.

But it's like a famous name.

Richard Nixon.

Let's say this.

R and J.

R and J are linked in some way.

I would say.

R and J.

I don't like this game.

Ralph.

Ralph.

How would that be?

This is why I don't like going to.

What's that thing?

R and J.

Where you nerds go and play.

R and J.

What about this?

What about this?

Who's a famous R?

And then a famous J.

And there are a couple.

And they're in, they're like in love.

And it's like a very famous story.

R, J.

Thelma and Louise.

Robin Hood and someone.

No.

Do you want me to just tell you?

Yeah.

But listen.

The listeners are screaming at the phone.

Ralph.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Ralph.

No, they're not.

They don't get it either.

It's Romeo and Juliet.

Are they together?

R and J.

That's right.

Far from Romeo and J for Juliet.

Yeah.

We've got to keep going until we get one.

Oh my god.

Well, at this rate we'll be going forever.

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Going by the alphabet. Fucked up family. We've got K for Kirsty and it's not actually used K.

K is Kilo. Is it? I was gonna say that. He wouldn't. Well, we have K for Kirsty. There's your

gift. She said need her fucked up family. My sister and I were going to get fuel at the local

service station and I said to my sister, hey, the lady in front of us, she's an oddly lady

filling up her car. Why don't you go and pay for her fuel, you know, to do a really good deed.

I'll give you back the money but I just want you to feel what it feels like to

and have that good deed in your life. I feel so good. So, my sister went in to pay for her fuel

and the old lady said, no, I don't know charity and we're forced to come back to God.

We checked it, we checked it for the talk of teeth and I got some laughing years later because it's

the last four days. It thinks it's not funny and I just can't stop laughing a bit.

I'd be mortified. I'd be embarrassed. I remember once I had a wine bottle and I was in an Uber

at taxi and I said, no, I made him stop and I went to like a damn Murphy's and I got some alcohol

and I thought, oh, that was annoying. I should do a pay it forward thing. So, I put an extra bottle

of red wine and I went to the driver. I was like, give this to your next passenger whatever,

which is like a good wheel or whatever. Yeah, and he was like, no, I'm not doing that.

That's so funny. I love how much it makes her laugh. I don't know what she said when she

started laughing. You laughed at something and I had no idea what she said.

I just thought the whole thing was funny and I thought, I love her energy. I love

Kirsty's energy to laugh the whole time. Same. Yeah. On your cast.

See ya. Look at that. So, Luke and I think it's really important that when you go to somebody's

house, you say, thanks for having us. So, we would like to say a big thank you to the

Warrondry boy Warrond and Buna Warrond people's of the South-Eastern Culination,

the land on which this podcast is recorded on. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.