159. Cheese-Day (PT 1)

0:00Hey, this is special ad you listen to two in the stink podcast. Yay. Yay. I like three in my stink. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of two in the stink. Hey, what's up? We got John don't ever fucking interrupt me again. So your place. Fuck. Don't ever fucking do that. Jim never does that. Jim knows his place. Okay. You want me to start over? Do you want me to start? Hey everybody, welcome to the stink. What's up? We got John, um, sub in for Jim again, I'm going to be in Baltimore next weekend opening for Casey. I'm bringing all the podcast equipment. Uh, so, so me and Jim will do well if you would fucking do comedy, you could be part of it, Dickhead. If you want to want to do, I don't want to get on stage. Oh, you got pay me $500. Anyway, anyway, anyway. Anyway, so I'm going to bring the podcast equipment. Uh, me and Jim are going to have an episode then and maybe Casey will join us. Who knows? He's a busy guy. Oh, and uh, yeah. Uh, I'm like, I'm like, can you do our podcast that has like a thousand subscribers? He's like, I just did Theo Vans.

1:00Like, I just did the today show. I don't know if I can fucking go that low again. Yeah. If you heard of the tonight show, I'm doing the today show. Outrokers at my house right now. Yeah. Um, real quick, guys, I just announced a date for Austin, Texas. Please, if you're near Austin, come to that show. Uh, I'm going to announce all my dates real quick. Uh, Potstown PA at SoulJules, October 3rd. It's Jim's birthday that day, guys. We're doing a live podcast. We're doing a live podcast. I would love to if you came in, hung that'd be fun. You want to come hang out? I'll come in home with you guys. Come if you hung out. I'll hung out. If you hung out. Yeah. How do you say come and hang? Is it come and hunger coming hang? It's coming hang. I'm fucking. Okay. Come and hang. No, I'm the one who said it first. Uh, so anyway, SoulJules, Potstown PA October 3rd live pod and me and Jim are co-headlining. We're both doing 30 minutes each. Um, it's going to be a great time. Baltimore, Maryland. I am headlining the port October 11th. Come to that. Zany Chicago. I'm headlining October 14th Austin, Texas,

2:03October 21st Dallas, Texas, October 29th and Boston, November 6th and Claude's in Philly, November 29th. Some of these dates are pretty far out, but if you guys are interested at all, please get tickets now because I can't tell you how many times I've like booked a show and they've been like, Hey, tickets are pretty low. Do you want to reschedule? And I'm like, uh, I guess. And then like the day of people are like, Yo, I try to buy tickets. Where's the link? I'm like, bro, buy in like the club looks at the tickets. Yeah, I have a fucking kid. Yeah, I have a cake. Could you help me feed my fucking ticket? I'm a little bit closer, buddy. I want to like touch you. There you go. It's good. What are you? Touch. Yeah. No, you don't. You don't fucking man spread at me. I can't fump this head. It's not because my dick's fat. It's I'm fat. It's just it's nuts, dude. It's balls. I'm all balls. Yeah, I am. I'm all taters. Yeah. All taters. No meat. Sorry, ladies. Did you have a thing? When you were a kid, did you? I got to crank this door because it's we got two hot boys in here. Um, it's steamy in here. When you were a kid, did you have like a name for like, did your parent? Were your parents like, okay, like it's your penis or did they give it like a name?

3:06Did we, we in my house, we called a penis a dookie. Oh, okay. Which is funny because like, I lived in like a black neighborhood. I was a kid like black kids called poop dookie. Yeah. That's dookie. That's dookie. I thought like dookie was penis and then my family for a vagina, they would call that a girl dookie. Yeah. That's how they that girl do it. That's how they feminize that word. Ew. It's a girl dookie. They kind of think of think of something better. I don't even know what the fuck one looked like when I was that age. My uh, it was like us, but like just like flat or something. My um, my uh, fucking penis as a kid, I call my parents, they're like my or my mom, my dad didn't give the fuck he worked in a steel mill. He's like, oh, you want my mom was like, it's your pickle. That's your pickle. I mean, that's how that's it's cute. Yeah. But you know, it's funny. So I thought everybody called it a pickle. I thought it was like a universal thing. So I go to school right to be an elementary school and we get lunch and somebody be like, yeah, can I have your pickle? And I'd be like, haha. Yes, sure. Yeah, you want my pickle? They're like,

4:08I mean, yeah, if you're not gonna eat it, be like, haha. Yeah, my pickle. I can't bend down that far. Yeah. And then you eat your own pickle. Yeah. Dude, guys, look, he's eating my pickle. Ew. And they're like, you're retarded. I'm like, yeah, it's fair. They're like, have an older sibling. Let's have have somebody who can punch you. I need to be punched so bad as a kid. I don't think so. I think you just need to be like, it's amazing. It's lightly bullied. That's all. Yeah. It's not bullied in the sense where it's like traumatic, but it's more like a, say you navigate. Well, I got bullied in middle school. I didn't get bullied in middle school, but like, you ever like, you don't get bullied, but you can never win an argument. I'd be like at the best. Even if you're right. Yeah, I'd be in the cafeteria. I'd be like, aha, yeah, blah, blah, blah. And like, I have a good point. And they'd be like, yeah, well, you're fucking fat, Rob. And they'd be like, oh, yeah, your fat. Being called fat is the shotgun to the head every time. That's a, that's a hadoop and dude. It's every time it's like in fucking your fat super smash when fucking Kirby. It's like how Jim plays fucking smash because he's an asshole. Just mashes. Now he holds the button down as Kirby and just oscillates back and forth on the bottom layer of the thing. So it's like,

5:12you guys will fight up there and Jim just waits like a fucking gator. He's a mother fucker in smash, dude. He becomes part of the map. But like that saying your fat is like, because it just hurts, man. Yeah, it hurts. They'll be like, you'll say you'll have a good comeback to like, yeah, you're fat though. And you're like, fuck, I am. Dude, that's so, yeah, like, I'm fuck, I am, aren't I? Because you can't be like, oh, but I love it. It's like you don't love it. You fucking bottom lips quivering now. Well, I always like up until I lost weight recently. I'm like a 197 now. Good for you. I'm under 200. Thanks, man. I'm under 200. Does it feel nice to put a shirt on and just go, I don't nice. Yeah, dude, it fits. Well, like I'm wearing an X. I'm wearing, I'm wearing an XLs. I'm like, XLs don't feel like, XLs are starting to go back to feeling like pajama clothes again. You know, you put on like a big oversized shirt, like a freshly fucked girl wearing a guy's shirt. So I feel, I fucked my wife and then I put on like one of her shirts. Yeah, he got like a little like striped tag. Yeah, like a little like Hello Kitty like nipples are hard. Yeah, I'm gonna go make coffee for us. Yeah. Like you want breakfast? Yeah. I, I right now, I don't know what I

6:16waive. And I'm like, I'm scared to look at the number. Yeah. Because I'm not the heaviest I've ever been. You look good. I gave my ID to a fucking Indian guy at the gas station. I was getting cigarettes. And he goes, hmm, lost weight. That's like the, and I was like, I'll fucking suck you off right now. That's the nicest thing I've ever heard anybody ever say. Could you FaceTime my wife? Could you tell her that? Could you tell my wife that? No, we actually had this argument last night. It was I was doing like a bit like the mess of mother and then it turned into like an argument. Because I was saying I was like, you're like, enjoy it because your hot days are right now. Yeah, that's it. Like you're gonna like, it sucks that we can't be hot at the same time. Yeah, I'm convinced because my dad's a hunk. He didn't get really hunking until he was like 45. Yeah, he aged like like whiskey. Like he's just got a nice salt and pepper chiseled face. And he's got like a dad bob, but he's got that like sort of like his chest and stomach are like the sheep of a stink bug. Yeah, like he's like that triangle sort of like look to him and he's a hunk. He's like a swarthy like older guy. Yeah, that's when I'm gonna be hot. I don't. Yeah, I think you're already good looking.

7:20Now I hate to tell you I hate to tell you John. This is it, buddy. I don't think this is it. I think I think I think for me, my good looks were three three my whole life and see those fix. Dude, I was a little blonde kid. Yeah, I was a cute kid. And then I look like a fucking I now I have the head of a garbage man and the shoulders of an IT tech. Yeah, so I I'm like completely mismatch right now. You're right. I'm gonna turn into a stud in my 40s. And it's gonna be natural. Are you still losing weight? Cause I know you lost weight recently. I find it here and there. Yeah, yeah. But I the first time I lost weight, I lost like 65 pounds. I was like break up weight. Oh, yeah, I know. I remember you look taught. I was I think you should break your heart again. I literally told her I was like, can you just just like just a little bit? You fuck with my head just a little bit. Yeah, enough for me to just give up food. Yeah. Can you like talk about your work boyfriend for a little bit? My biggest fear when we broke up originally was like, I'm like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like the whale, dude. Yeah. Maybe in the fridge like like you ever see the whale? Have I ever seen the whale? Come on, bro. Brendan Fraser. He's in the fridge like a fucking composer dude. Like a great composer. He's got like, by the way, say, say he sinked at a fantastic job at being like a like

8:26bitch daughter. You know what's funny? She's not even a bitch either. The dad's like, I'm gonna fucking eat myself half the death and jerk off to gay porn. Yeah. And she said, could you like pay attention to you at all? Could you like love me? Could you not do that? He's trying to do it at the end. I guess bitch daughter is like a bad like she does a she's a great job at playing a trauma a traumatized daughter. Yeah. That is like exporting her anger towards her father. Yeah, she's very emotionalized in face. Yeah. And and Brendan Fraser is like so like he's not even bald in that. If you pay like if you notice, his head is so fat that the hair just spread out. Yeah. Like it's he they did a great job on him. I watched a movie. I forget. I think it's uh fuck what's the name? Oh, it's called I think a D day or operation D day maybe or something. It's something about D day, but it's I forget the actual name of it, but it's got Brendan Fraser in it. And it's about them planning the invasion of D day. And I'm like, oh, this is gonna be an awesome more. I went into a thing. This is gonna be an awesome more movie. It's more it's more of like a weather movie if that makes sense. So it's like there's like probably towed on the entire movie.

9:26There's probably maybe 10 minutes, 15 minutes of runtime of like actual like Omaha Beach. The rest of it is them trying to plan when the invasion is gonna happen because they're on a time crunch. Like if they wait too long, then you know, the Nazis are gonna catch on. Yeah. And they're gonna be fucked, right? Which they already were like D day like was supposed to be a surprise attack. And they were like all in the beach ready. Um, but uh, so the whole movie is like they hired this weather analysis guy who's like supposed to be the best at what he does. And he's trying to say like, if you invade this day, so many people are gonna die. Like the waves are gonna be too big. There's gonna be like whatever. This is how my family plans a while would we. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, well, I mean, it's gonna be partly sunny, but you know what that means. Yeah. It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. Tuesday. Fudgey-Wood you might not be making all of his rounds because of the weather, but we might be able to pull through a couple Jack and Jill ice cream. So yeah, but the entire movie is like, uh, so he's like battling back and forth of this other hot shot weather guy who thinks he's like, no, you can invade this day. It's gonna be fine.

10:26And I won't spoil like, you know, like who's right and who's wrong and how the movie goes. But it's really interesting movie. I went into it thinking it was gonna be a war movie. And it was like, it's like two dorks arguing about weather. And it's still good. But but then when they eventually do show, when they eventually do show the D day scenes, you're like, oh, fuck yeah, finally. If it like such a tease, like I watched the movie, I had to watch the first like 20 minutes of saving private Ryan. I was like, I have to scratch that itch. Yeah, that's right. If I watch, do you ever just like watch the beginning of that movie? Sometimes I go on YouTube. I've just for years, I only watched the first 20 minutes. Yeah, for for sometimes the D day, sometimes I go on YouTube and just watch the beginning of that movie. It's the best. There's so many things about that movie that you don't think about that, that that Spielberg purposely did. Like the whole beginning movie, it opens on D day. There's no music. There's no like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like none of that shit. Yeah. The cameraman is like a like is like it's supposed it's like it's like the P O V of a soldier. Like it's supposed to be like, when he looks at the headstone at Arlington, oh, I guess it does. It goes into his eyes. Yeah. And then it goes out and now he's on the U-boat. I guess there is maybe music in that scene. Maybe it's like it would be so funny if it was fucking cranked that

11:30solely. Oh my god. Do you remember like early YouTube when people would do like SpongeBob, soldier boy crank that? Oh, yeah. And get like 20 million views. Dude, early YouTube was so easy to give views on. I had a I had an old channel. If like I had an old channel where if I would have stuck with it and I had like nobody knew YouTube was going to be what it was going to be. But like it'd be like dog goes crazy over laser pointer. Like I have a video like that guy like 90,000 views. Just from the sole purpose of being a miss 20 years old. Yeah. Like there's videos I seen that like when I was a kid they were like funny, but it's like a dude like I wish I kept the chat with a piece of paper. I deleted the channel. I don't know why I did, but I deleted it. Did you get bullied out of it? No, I was just like you know what I did. So I was trying to start a twitch channel. And I already had like a thousand subscribers on this channel. So I was like, I'll just wipe all the videos, rename it. And then it'll look like I already have a following. And so I did that. I did that. But like the but like no none of the subscribers were like they were all like 15 years ago. So no more like real. But so anyway I used to make like all those videos and shit. And then I

12:31started doing I was doing let's plays before they were like a thing. Like I used I had this a shitty like 480p like digital camera. Yeah. That could do videos on it. And I figured out that you could just fucking like I thought it was just for pictures. And I found you could do videos on it. I was like holy shit. And I figured out how to upload those videos to YouTube. And I would do like call like cod4 gameplay. It called duty 4. Yeah. And I would just have my camera set up in front of my TV. Not even like a capture card. And I would record the shit and it would get like 10,000 views, 20,000 views. Yeah. And people would be like use this attachment on the gun like it like actively doing shit. And then like a capture card like at the time was like $600 like some crazy amount of money. And I was like. What's a capture card? So capture card. You basically connect it to it's much easier to do now because they almost have a built in like PlayStation. You can just record or whatever. But like with Xbox 360 a capture card, you would basically connect it to your computer and your Xbox. Oh, okay. So it was like yeah. And it would record all the gameplay like the actual screen. Yeah. And you could upload that footage to YouTube. That's like fucking sorcery

13:35to me. Right. I know. So and then you could do it in like commentaries and shit. But I didn't know how to do all that. And it was too expensive. So I had the camera and I was doing commentaries like literally behind the camera like, Hey guys, it's you know, so and so I'm going to be doing it today. We're playing cod four and we get like a bunch of views and like positive comments and people being like try this attachment. Like it was really cool. Yeah. And then I looked up like capture creeps on there. Huh? There's any creeps on there. Oh, for sure. Turn the camera around my camera. I won buddy. One of my one of my good friends when he was 16. He was like streaming on Twitch before his popular. And he would do dark souls foot like let's plays. And he'd get like 100 viewers, 200 viewers, 300 viewers. Like before that shit was even like monetized. Like you could just like do it for fun. And that was the one. I was a kid that I used to enjoy watching my brother play video games. Yeah. But speaking. But speaking of creeps, he would get like, yo, show me your feet. And he'd be like, Ha, Ha. And then at one point his entire community was like, you over and try to get this kid to show his feet. Come on. So yeah. What are you waiting for?

14:38But like, but the idea of the idea of trying to explain to my parents like, yo, I need 600 bucks for this capture card. They were like, what are you going to make money on YouTube? We're not high. Yeah. But like if I would have, if I would have, like that was my Bitcoin, you know, like if I would have invested into that, I'd be fucking rich. They hit you with that. They said your name three times. They hit you with a three time first name. Yeah. Like 600 dollars, they're like Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. No. Yeah. You play video games. You play video games inside. And that's how you get away from the bullies. Well, you know, it's crazy. I, my parents, like my mom's whole thing was I'm going to give this boy whatever he wants. Fuck you. To keep him off the streets. Cause like, we, you know, I mean, we don't, it's not like we lived in a bad neighborhood, but my mom, like, you know, she was so scared of me like getting involved with the wrong crowd. So like she was like, if I wanted something, she loved me being inside playing GTA, playing Halo, playing all that shit. Cause she was like, I know where he is. He's safe. Right. That was just like, he's not going to fucking. So if I, if I, if I town creep,

15:38if I really wanted to, I could have begged them for a capture card. And I would have gotten it. But the, the whole idea, even I was like, that's stupid. So I think you could even sell to yourself. I could even sell them myself. I was like 600 hours. I was like, I could ask for like something way cooler. Yeah. And get it. You know, but yeah, I was just like, I had, I, I talked to Jim about this, but my parents were literally just like, like, I think I've talked about this on the pod before. But I had like an all, you know, like the on demand cable boxes. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Before Netflix was the thing. Yeah. I remember was, it would blow my mind. Where did you come cast? I realized, um, the silver. Do the silver one. That's the one that the kid tried to drive up his ass. Yeah. The, the, the freak out kid on YouTube. The silver one. That's also how I think you, I think like, I would use that to like try to figure out how big my dick is. I'd be like, how close? I'm at the last button. I'm like, yeah, how close to the, I'm like, if I could just get it, I'm like jamming in my pelvis. I'm like, if I can just get it to the okay button, I'll be happy. I was like, just preaching the bottom yellow button. Yeah. I was just preaching that one. Do the worst is like when you like, measure your dick as a kid.

16:38And like, uh, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes it's an adult. I'll be like, let me see where I'm at. You know, it's good. I measure a hard one. That's a checkup. Yeah. But sometimes like, dude, I used to like, because like, first of all, it's like, how big is your dick? First of all, and then second of all, how much of that is actually going into the pussy? Like it's like 100% of it. Cause like, that's why I had to calculate it when you, when you, when you don't have a lot of real estate to work with, yeah, that's when you start to calculate, you go, well, if I smush my cheek by butt cheeks together, yeah, that gets a little bit more. So that's why I love missionary. Cause I can get it. I can pretty much get it all in with that. But like with with doggy style, Brits butt is so big, I'm just kind of like kissing. You just thought you're just tinny fucking butt cheeks. They're hot dogging. I'm not dogging it. But that's why like, dude, I always like, she's like, like, we'll be lying in on the side. And she's like, like, like, you want to fuck and I'm like, yeah, we definitely, I might take it's not long enough to fuck you. Oh, laying on the side. That's not an option for me. I think if I had, like if I woke up with a black dick, the first thing I would do was side. And I would only do side. Yeah, I would do every single position. Like, there's like certain. I would fuck her from downstairs. I would do like,

17:42sit on the edge of something and get rode. Like, like, like, put your legs together. Like, that's going to suck more fucking inches out of this thing. Yeah, yeah. Because when my fucking thighs go together, it's essentially like closing a lipstick. Dude, I'd be measuring it. I can't fucking do that. I'd be measuring my dick. I'm just jamming the roller like into my pelvis to get like an extra half an inch. Oh, yeah. And reality, did you get any dick back when you lost weight? I'm not gonna lie a little bit. It's the best. Dude, I looked down. I'm like, oh, nice. Not you know, not you with a sharpie. And then every time you want to eat fucking chips and shit, yeah, look at the notch. Well, you know, it's nice too is like when I take my shirt off to get in the shower. I'm like, fuck yeah, you see it. I'm like, you can see your dick. I'm like, I can see it. But also I look in the mirror. I'm like, I'm not a total fat piece of shit right now. Like, it's the greatest feeling in the world. I still have fat. Don't give me wrong. But like, I'm like, I'm not like, I don't feel gross anymore. Like I feel like a no, you look healthy. Your skin looks a lot better. Thank you. I appreciate it. Your skin looks a lot clearer. You had, like, I'd always had you had a rosacea, but you also had a little bit acne. Yeah, which they do say is like a derivative of your diet. Yeah. And rosacea, like shit, your skin will like be the first like telltale sign. Yeah. And rosacea causes acne. Because when I went to the dermatologist,

18:47I was like, yeah, I really bad acne. Like you don't have acne. You have rosacea. And I was like, well, that's not true. Because look at my face. I have acne. And they're like, no, but it causes it. So I went to the dermatologist. They fixed me up and then did they show me the before pictures and even bril show pictures of us. I'm like, why didn't you do something? Like, why didn't you like, I'm like, I didn't realize how bad I looked. Because I was just my face. Yeah. It makes it makes you insecure. So like, I had that problem. So me and my cousin always joke about when me and hit like, he's the he's the oldest grand kid. And I'm the youngest. So my mom, like really paid attention to both of us. Yeah. Like he was the alpha. I was the omega. beginning in the end. Yes. Me and him both went into middle school, being like, two, I'm getting plus you the second that door opens. I thought that was the first belring. I'm high school. That was my idea. That's what they're saying. They're like, like, my mom's like, you're such a knockout. Like you're such a you're such a husky boy. And I'm like, oh, really? Hope the fucking ladies see that. Yeah. And then they lie to you. You're like, you get to like, you get to that age. You're like, fuck. So then you start looking at yourself. Like I,

19:47I found out that I have body dysmorphia. Oh, dude. I, which is hilarious because I call it just the truth. Yeah. It's called having the truth. But like you'll like, you'll look in the mirror. Like I saw this article. It was like, oh, yeah. The human brain makes you like 10% better looking in the mirror when you look at yourself. Yeah. So I've just started to try to subtract that 10% every single time. Like I was like, I have like bags under my eyes, right? Yeah. Probably not even that big of a deal. I don't even notice. I laid in bed last night, literally last night going, face workouts. If your eyeballs are fat, there's really nothing you could do about it. They're like, eat ice cube sandwiches with no bread for the rest of your life. You have to with, with weight loss. Like the reason why it was epic is making so much money. And like wagovie is because being thin is the greatest drug. There is. Dude, I mean, I think being, being healthy thin is good. But I look at like, and not to, I'm not, you know, people like, old body shaming or whatever, like it's there, you know, but like, dude, like the truth is,

20:49like Ariana Grande doesn't look healthy right now. It's a skeleton. Geno Ortega didn't interview recently. She doesn't look healthy. I think, no, I could see their fucking, I could see their cheekbones. I think Hollywood is so fucked up that all these girls are comparing themselves to other actresses or I guess actors. And they're like, they're trying to get in the weight class of the kids that get fucked. And they're like, well, I'm a kid. Like I'm still a kid. I weigh like 65 fucking pounds. Yeah, that is kind of, you see their skull divots. Like I saw it was like, it's the shoulders and the neck that bother me. Oh, the clavicle. Yeah, I feel so bad. And it's not like I'm trying to like be like, oh, they look gross. It's just like concerning, you know, it's a, it's a guy in Hollywood being like, you know, I won't say the religion, but you know, you should, you know, you should stop eating just altogether. Right. And then they like show up at like the red carpet and you're like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Yeah, it's a good thing you didn't say the religion because I don't think anybody could guess off that voice. I try to throw them off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, uh, there's a Buddhist. You gotta do it. You gotta do a boss and like, you know, if you, if you, if you, where is it like the car in the yard? If I take you know, if you go in the back,

21:50if you go in my backyard, I got a bunch of, I got a bunch of ties from my car. Yeah. And if you work out with those, then your shoulders, right? You're gonna look like a skeleton. You can eat whatever you want. You just gotta throw up at the walls. Yeah. Fuck you. That's my bad. Fuck you. Fuck you. I went to kindergarten together. My son, Kyle. I got a number. How do you like them apples? Do you like them apples? Dude, good little hunting. Such a good movie. But like, like, wait, the weight loss thing, like my, the high that I had when I first lost a lot of weight is I would have a shirt that I'm like, oh, that's sick. I'll buy it. Yeah. I get home and I'd be like, oh, this looks like it was fucked. Oh, Jim's falling. Sorry. Let's put on a speaker. Yo, me and Jim are doing, or me and John are doing the pod. You're on the mic. Say hi. Hey, is this Rob stand from tires? This is him. You look fat in that show. I hate you. Oh, thanks dude. I appreciate that. I hate your fucking guts. No, what are you guys doing? We're leaving. We're literally talking, we're on the pod. We're talking about weight loss. Funny enough. Yeah, we're too. We, we,

22:50after you left, we turned the podcast into a manosphere podcast. Keep finding it. So, what did you say? I said, you guys are both losing it and I'm finding it. Yeah, we're giving it to you. We're doing it. I'm not losing anything, Jim. I'm not losing shit. How's the pod going? It's going great. There's a lot more space. There's a lot more space in the couch. Yeah, it's funny seeing two of my imaginary friends doing a side quest. Yeah, we're, yeah, we're literally, we're fucking doing a side quest. Yeah, we're Jim's fucking sands right now. I told John I said I gave him an update. So he's got to get a lot gay or a lot sooner. Well, I did watch the last episode. I still actually, you know, I'm still part of the kind almost. Why I tell everybody about our live pod we're doing your birthday, buddy. Yeah, plug it, Doug. I've got, yeah. So Robin, I are headlining a show and then afterwards we're going to ask me, the, the, the lion stone water drinking people of

23:52pots down. Well, dude, don't act like we're not going to have people show up. Do that. Remember that one girl who showed up who drove like an hour? Hang on. One girl drove from the woods and then we sucked. Yeah, but she'll be back. That's the best though. That's the best. She was so excited to see us. She took pictures. Yeah, she said I came all the way from New Hope. What's up, buddy? What's what's what's what's what's what's the phone call just checking in? Yeah, I just wanted to call and say hi to you. Oh, yeah, I'll fuck myself. All right, buddy. Can I call you after? Can I call you after me and John's podcast? I love you guys. I miss you both. I'll see you too. We got to have you on as a guest sometimes. If you guys want to hang out, I'm back on the first. Are you really? Hell yeah. They're like, I don't know. We should all go to like plan a fitness or something. Yeah, and we'll do maybe we'll do like a podcast together. Sure, we could like, I don't know,

24:53go for the run. Yeah, we should, yeah, we should, we should all go to for a run and then come home and edge together. All right, guys, have fun. All right, talk to everybody. Love you. Peace out. Love you. Bye. That's so funny. Talk to you. You got to have that guy on as a guest. Yeah, he's a good friend of mine. We should have him on as a guest. He's so funny. He should try stand up. You think he would be, you think you think you make a good guest on our podcast? Yeah, not really. Yeah, I don't really. I don't really think so. I can turn your vote just like like because you're the, you're peaking, but yeah, like, right. That's good. Like right there. Yeah, sorry. It's hard to like produce and also try to like run the shit. I wish I wish I had money. It's hard to do everything for this fucking podcast. Well, Romi, when I produce her pod, it's easy to be like, hey, like, I gotta tweak this because I'm not on the camera. Yeah, like get the mic out of your throat. Yeah, but yeah, no, Jim's a good guy. We'll have him on the pod someday, but we'll have him on our podcast someday. Well, I feel out of form. I think it's funny, but you know, it's funny. You couldn't have like written that where we're like, we were talking about weight loss and like,

25:56yeah, you look really good. He's like, hey, drop stand from tires. You'll fuzz fucking that show. I couldn't even recognize you. I started laughing, but you know, it's funny. When that, when that episode came out and I saw all my came, you know, I was like, holy shit. I don't even look like me. No, you were a little bit, yeah, you were a little heftier. I'm also the winner. Yeah, I had long hair. I think the really long hair, the long hair. I still have long hair. I just put it up more now. Yeah, well, it's because you lost a little bit of weight. So your face is thinner. Well, that's like, yeah, so I kept my hair down a little time because like I was so I hated the way my face looked. I was like, I look fat as fuck. The hair kind of like masked it a little bit. Yeah, not really. But now I go in stage. I'm like, I don't know my hair up. I want to start putting my hair up. I think it, I think it looks nice. Yeah. No, what you should do is when you go on stage, you should go like one time, just go to a hairdresser and just get like the most gorgeous like PJ Wellahans. Yeah. Well, you know what I dress hair. You know what I mean? The fucking just this. So cascade. I when I originally I got a I got interviewed to do that like Kevin Hart's funny as fuck thing. And like I went through all these interviews and everything. And before I met with the zoom like call people, I went and got my hair done. And I got makeup done. Like

27:00I my wife's friend, yeah, she did makeup on my face. I wanted to look like screen more screen ready. I still had really bad like rosation. I was really self conscious. So I was like, I was like, maybe if I look better, they'll want to put me on the show. Yeah, they do think you gave me makeup. Yeah. Cause I got because this wasn't like the first major thing. I, cause they didn't pick me. You know, this wasn't the first like big opportunity I got rejected from. Like America's got talent. I went the same thing with them. And the problem, but the problem with that was I'm just I'm not TV. I'm not a TV comic. Like I don't have I don't have enough, I don't have enough. I didn't have enough clean material that they wanted. Like I sent them all my clean material. And they were like, okay, like can you send us like another set? And I was like trying to scramble to get like another set together. And it's just like, I think I also didn't help the timing was really bad. Cause I was in New Zealand with my mom visiting my uncle. Yeah. So they're like, Hey, could you get like a like a 15 minute clean recorded in the scent? And I was like, I'm in New Zealand for two weeks. Like it was just bad timing. Yeah. But um, but then everybody loves Raymond. But then you know, it's funny. But then I did, uh,

28:04what the fuck? I did a big pine comedy fest out in Arizona, which is a great festival. Honestly, one of one of the better ones. It's a great festival. It's amazing. It's one of the best. There's hardly hardly any black people. Um, it's a great festival. They have a lot of whites. That's a great Trump. Thank you. Jim thinks his is better. It's not. He's got the body down. He's got the body. He's got the pompadour hair. The fucking the comb over. He's got the body. He's got the Epstein history. He's he's got everything. But the voice. And his cadence. He has his and his winner. He's got the guy. He's got the winner. He's he's got a great winner. It's a fantastic Trump winner. I can't believe. Did you see like, I was like saying, Oh, big pine. So anyway, long story short, I met with one of the people who do America's got talent there because they have industry. And I told her I was like, yeah, I was talking to so and so. And she was like, Oh, yeah, I work with her. And she was like, she was and she

29:05looked at me. She was like, Look, our show gets maybe a couple million views in episode. She's like, most of our traction comes from YouTube. She's like, so best case, what have I got on the show? You would have like been featured on the YouTube. You would have gotten some followers. She's like, your reels are getting more views. Like just like, you're fine. And that's a real game now too. Right. It is. Dude, the fucking the algorithm. I don't want to go on too long about this. But just so oversaturated right now because everybody with a fucking tripod and ring lights a comic. Yeah. People were like, Oh, I can do that. I can do that. And they get a following. And then they start doing shows and they move tickets because people are like, I saw this guy online. I want to go see them. And then like the mood. I've I've opened for comics before. And I might have talked to about this in the last episode where like the audience was clearly there waiting for the meet and greet after. It's like, let me sit through an hour of their stand up so I can go take pictures of them. Yeah. I would have just denied it. I'm doing no. I'm not doing the meet and greet. Yeah. Get the sit here and laugh. You laugh at all my hard work. I love comics who do meet and greets. I think it's great. Like Casey does want it every show. Yeah. It's just like, yeah,

30:08I stood there and watched him do it. And there's like a fucking line. Like it's like, fucking black Friday. I opened the first time I were open for him was when he really started to get famous. And I was like, does it like, does it feel so surreal and so many people? Because like, I'll do a show. And maybe like three people will be like, hey, I listen to the pod. I'm a big fan. I've been following like, you know, let's get a picture. I'm like, hell yeah. Yeah. I can't imagine like 150 of that. Like, it's got to feel it's got to feel so good. A and B be hard to like, like Casey does a great job of keeping his ego in check. Yeah. But like, if anything, he should have like more self confidence in himself. But like, like, that's got to be like, there's some comics you can tell or like influencers or whoever the ego definitely like gets to him. Yeah. You know, but like, that's got to feel so good. Just like 150 people. The whole reason I started doing stand-up is like, hey, I wanted to like, I thought it'd be fun. But like, I'm not going to lie. Like, I wanted the fame from it. Like, I think a lot of people do. And but the reason is like, like, it's got to feel so good to like, somebody is excited to see you from something you did. That's got to feel good.

31:12And you're making yourself happy because you're like getting this validation at the same time, you made somebody else happy. Yeah. Like, I remember like, when I was like 21, like, I went to a blink when a two concert and they came out on stage. And before they even said anything, the crowd was going nuts. I was like, imagine how that feels. And I was like, I want to feel like that. But I came play guitar. What do I do? So like, I was like, I'm going to talk about my penis. Talk about my penis. Talk about my penis professionally. Yeah. Talk about my penis professionally. I've done that. I've done like a meet and greet type thing too. Like Casey, but it was at a funeral. My mom's, oh yeah, the head of viewing. But you know, it's funny. If you get a line of people, you go, fuck, this is not, this is not good terms to be like, and then you do this thing when people walk by, they're like, I'm so sorry. And you go, it's okay. Yeah. Oh, do my dad's. It's okay. Just like so many people viewing bullshit, viewing, fucking viewing, a viewing should be good, but you know, you should not the man the casket up there. Yeah. Because like I said, the Casey's standing there, everyone's excited to see him and be like, wow, that was a great set. So nice to meet you. And he's by like, yeah, great. You know, thanks for coming. Yeah. You probably get tired, but you're like, these people fucking paid their money and paid money. Some drove two hours. When you're standing

32:15in front of you, you're like a dead parent and a casket. Yeah. And you're like, oh my god, she's fucking here. It's like your auntie can't stand. Oh my god. That's okay. Just keep saying, you comfort everyone else. Yeah. No, it's fine. I'm gonna do my best to make sure my mom doesn't kill herself. Well, she, yeah. I mean, she's doing all right right now. She's good. I mean, she, yeah, she wouldn't do it in front of everybody. So we're good. She's still sleeping. Next time I'm like, I'm ever in a like a viewing situation. So I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, for what? For what? What'd you do? I did that. Did you do that? Did you do that? You did that? What are you? Why are you sorry? Wait a minute. Hang on, everybody. There this. She's sorry. She's sorry. For what? What the fuck do you do? Yeah. Dude, what's so funny? Like guilty little face on dude, one of one of my family members came to my mom and was like, he's in a better place now. And she was like, no, he's not. This was his place. And I was like, okay. So nobody else is going to say that right? Hey, everybody hear that? Don't say that. He's in a better place now. It goes up. Yeah, he's in a better place where that's based entirely off faith. And we're all

33:16not entirely sure if it's there. I mean, I believe obviously, but I'm a Christian, you know, bless up, bless up Jesus. But that was gay. But anyway, uh, bless up Jesus. Bless up Jesus. Well, I got it. Well, you know, you have to say that after otherwise, I'll get two of the stink loses. If you say it, and you're if you say something like that, and God hears you, he goes, oh, really? So you're not sure. And then as long as you say that, he goes, all right, you're just kidding. Ah, you're a comic. You're fucking me. Okay, you're kidding. I get it. I should know. I made you. I created you. I created. I know what you do. Man, if you, if you, if you think is hilarious, if you think about it in the sense where it's like, like open casket is like, okay, it's an old person. Yeah. Right? It's a fucking old person. Usually old people look good in a casket. Yeah. My dad looked my dad, my dad looked good. And even the guy who like did like set up the open caskies, like you guys are really lucky when people get cancer. Sometimes it eats away their body. Oh, yeah, they got to fluff them up. Yeah. So I'm fucking like puff them with fucking in bombing fluids. Yeah. Well, my, my buddy does in bombing. So I know about all that shit. Really? I went to go, yeah, when I went to go to my dad's viewing, I knew in my head

34:18all the shit. Like, I knew that's got a nice cock. Just letting you know. Yeah. We'll do the I mean, dude, I mean, like it's like nothing get morbid, but like viewings like, you know, their eyes are closed and reality, their eyeballs aren't even there. Like they cut the eyes out. I think they either cut the eyes out. They might not cut the eyes out, but they might, I think they definitely like glue them shut. See, eyes are glued shut because they don't stay closed naturally when you die. The eyes are glued shut. But so much. It's just like, yeah, a lot of eyes wide open. Yeah. I want to traumatize people with my funeral. Yeah, my dad said he wanted to be stuffed. He was like, when I die, stuff me. Yeah. Yeah. You're dad standing out in the car. Yeah. The rest of time. Well, the one thing, thank God, he did not, the one thing he specifically didn't want is he didn't want to be cremated because my mom was like, we could, when we die, it's get cremated and mixed our ashes together. My dad was like, ew, no, I'm not mixing my ashes. He literally was like, no, I'm not doing that. So, and thank God, my dad didn't want to get cremated because you want to know that because if he did, every time we go out the breakfast, wherever like on vacation, my mom would sprinkle it on the eggs. No, no, she would bring him to,

35:22I know she would bring him and like bring his seat for like the ashes, like the urn. Yeah, I was hungry. Yeah. I was sad. See, I had my mom's ashes, but before I get to that, when, so my mom had like liver failure, right? And like renal failure. So she was like, same, same thing. It disease just like eats your body away. Right. When a grandparent dies usually, they just puff them up and they look good. They actually look better than they've looked in a few years because the wrinkles kind of puff out. My mom was like, didn't really ever wear makeup like a mom. Like she kind of, like she kind of looked like John C. Riley for a couple of years, like like step brothers. Like she just had like a fro and was just like, you know, like regular month. They, the more Titian to her credit, she did the best she could to like, whatever. Yeah. Michael Jackson. My mom looked just like Michael Jackson. Dan. They drew eyebrows on. They did like full makeup. And I like, I went past her casket and I didn't realize it was her. Dan. The guy was like, who, uh, who, how are you guys in relation to the patty? You know, I was like, Oh, I'm her son. He goes, Oh, you didn't see her. I walked

36:24over him. I was like, let it as soon as I thought I was like, Hey, hey, that's fucking horrible. Yeah. So open casket is all right in certain senses. But people that have them, they shouldn't have them. It's like, Oh, all right. Let's let's switch up the death topics. Let's get down to what everybody wants to hear. One last time you got sucked off two days ago. Oh, hell yeah. It was fucking fantastic. Hell yeah. Was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was it was just like a really. No, I don't, I won't take them like that. Oh, really? I'll take this last episode. I will not take. Oh, yeah, we did. I'll take them. I don't I'm no shame. I'm like, please. Okay, I take. I'm like, all right. I at least have to be hot. And then now I was just like, I'm like, if you're not doing, don't do it. Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't force it. You know, I would never, but the implication. Yeah. Finger guns. Do it. Do it. Well, Brit, uh, Brit got her a tooth pulled recently. Oh, there you go. Close up shop for a little while. And she was like, I, the doctor says I can't suck anything for a week. Just like like in my face about it. And I was like, God, the movie is so hard. Just like thinking about all the dentist should go. What

37:25what day specifically were you saying? What was what was the time Eastern standard time that you said that you got it down to the second. Yeah. So you're saving the morning at 6 a.m. She's good. So I've an alarm set for Thursday morning at 6. She's good. He's like, Rob, if this stitches dissolve, then yes. But if they're not, you can't, you're like, so what kind of stuff pouring hot water? Yeah, what dissolves stitches really quick? Come. Oh, so you're saying if I just come in her mouth, it's fine. That is a just cause one is a fantastic one. I just cause one. Yeah, the just cause ones are the best. Do you ask for them? Yes, all the time. How do you ask? I'm like, hey, like, uh, you know, like, can you suck me off later? Like pretty like pretty. Well, it's fucking awesome. Or like if I have like a half, if I have like a semi, I'd be like, yo, can you take care of this in a little bit? Take care of this in a little bit. Yeah. I should be like, okay. But I said that to Athena. She would hear the translation is, yeah, but no, I just, I mean, yeah, I sometimes I get them when I don't, well, now we have a kid not getting them,

38:28we're getting them when I don't ask is very rare. But now it's like, like, I try to get greedy, but like, you know, maybe like once a week, I'll be like, yo, I assume my dad's dead when if I get a just cause one. Yeah. Like she's like, I'm going to have to fucking like neutralize this guy before I drop a grief bomb. Oh my god. I mean, like the throws of it at the very end, you're just laying there and you're fucking your puds, like all shriveled up. Yeah. Yeah, your dad passed away. I feel like really damn. When I worked at GameStop, I got robbed and robbed a game stop. Yeah, I think I might told the story before about how it's you. I got robbed, and I worked at GameStop. But afterwards I got like, I'm happier alive head. Oh really? Yeah. We were also like, wow, but we were also like, you know, I was 18 or 19, and she was 18. For the story, I was 19. She was 18. Definitely not 18 and 17. It doesn't matter. I'm a reader, but she was like, different time back then. Yeah. But like, you know, at the time, at the time, you know, she was still figuring it out. Right? We're both still new to this whole sexual thing. So I wish, maybe the technique. Yeah. Like just like, like just like, you know,

39:33like didn't have the stamina for it to make teeth. Not like too many teeth, but like, you know, like it was very toothy. But I still was like, hell yeah, this is happening. It's so much better. You're 18. When you're 18, you're like, this is happening. Holy shit. Like, but anyway, so anyway, so like that happened. So like, I got like, I'm glad you're alive head. And that was like, fuck yeah. But the guy, he did the finger in the hoodie. Like the finger, like he did that. It wasn't my money. I wasn't really your God of Wars. What's funny, too, is I wasn't even supposed to work that shift. I covered for another guy. Yeah. And but the guy who robbed us had tried like, he was a regular, he was such a retard because he was a regular in our store. He was a regular. Dude, he, so he would come in, but he was one of those guys who would like trade in shit that he obviously didn't own. And like, like, should he stole, right? Like, he traded in an Xbox one before, like, after it came out when people were reselling it online brand new for more than what it was worth. Like more, like, people were reselling it. And he came in and got it for like half, like sold it for half price

40:33cash. But because so when you like in Pennsylvania, at least, it's like, GameStop is like legally, I think considered like a pawn shop, like under like law. So they have to take any time you take a cash transaction, they have to take your ID. This guy robbed us. I said, I was like, one of the few people, I was like, I was like, he's a regular store. And there were a few members name. I was like, no, but I know for a fact, this, I was, he's one of the only people who traded in an Xbox one here for cash. So check the records. There's the, maybe there's like three people who have done it. So like at the time, check the records, check the IDs, right? So they do all that. My, my buddies, my wife's friend, her dad was a detective. I guess he's my friend, he's my friend now too. I'm, I'm the, I'm the godfather to his kid. So he is my friend now, but I better be. Yeah. So his dad comes over. He's a detective. He shows me a bunch of pictures of guys who kind to look like him, like lineups. Or these all like mashed potatoes, you guys. So the way, so the way that they,

41:35they help, they make you pick out a criminal is they, they, when they're sure, when they think they know who the guy is, they put a picture of him. And then they find in the database, guys who look similar to him to see how sure you are. Because if you're like, I don't know, it might have been that guy. Yeah. So you can be more specific. Right. So they showed me and I was like, it's that guy. And they said, are you sure? I was like 99.9% positive. He was like, he's like, yeah, I got you. I got you. Because you know, because you won't be like 100% and be like, you said it was yeah. But it's like condoms are like 99.9% whatever. So I don't know there. Yeah, I don't have an use them in forever. But uh, yeah, we just pray in the house. Fucking Catholic, all right. But uh, so I pointed it out, but they found the guy because I was like, you know, like this is the database. And he only stole, he stole like a 350 bucks from us. It's all we had. I was going to say, I don't know. I didn't think fucking GameStop was flush with cash. Well, if you're smart and you robbed at the right time, it could be like, if he would have waited till a major release, he would have gotten way more money. But it was like a fucking Wednesday or some shit fucking scumbag. It was like a fucking Wednesday. What if this guy was he like fat? No, he was

42:35just like a skinny white like, he like, if you saw him doing construction on the side of the road, you'd be like, okay, that makes sense. Yeah, like he looked, he was like a blue collar guy, but I think he had a drug habit. Oh, 100. But he would run away with 350 bucks. Yeah, he would always come in, he would always trade bullshit that clearly wasn't his for cash. And but he was a nice guy. Yeah, shoot the shit. He knew about video games. We talk video games. Yeah. So like, but he was a genuinely nice guy. And I think he just had a drug habit and wherever he is now, I hope he's doing well. He's, I mean, he's fine. Yeah, find jail for. Yeah, but he know it's funny. So he not funny. But we scared. Were you like fucking dude? It was terrifying. We're like, he's gonna fucking shoot me. Yeah. So the way he did it was he had a crumpled up $1 bill and he was like, yo, can I get changed for the bus? And I've seen this guy before. I'm like, yeah, sure, man, hands me the dollar bill. I pop open the register. He does the finger gun. Give me all the money. And I go, really? He goes, he goes, yeah, give me all the money. I go, okay. So I give him all the money. He goes open up the blith of the thing because you knew that's where the hundreds were. There was like 200 dollar bills. He gave it to him. He ran out before he was out the door. My, my boss, by the way, this is a new

43:39manager. It was his first day working the store. The new manager has 911 on the phone. He like hops over the register tries to like run out the door to see where the guy ran to. The cops, the police station was right across the street. The cops showed up like minutes later, but he like booked it through the woods. They didn't know where it was. He like escaped. I'm sure he had like a getaway route or whatever. So he very obviously didn't have a gun. It was very obvious he has fingers, but it's not my fucking money. I'm not going to risk my life, right? And then, and then later, so my wife worked at the Goodwill down the street. Like a week later, he robbed the Goodwill with an actual gun, like a gun point. That's another story. Like I think, yeah, I think he, so I think he, and he did a wall wall too. It was like a string of robberies. The same guy. He robbed the Goodwill. He robbed the wall wall and it was all with an actual guns. I think he took that money, bought a gun, and now he's like, all right, I'm the real deal. He treated it like it was like a fucking like Elder Scrolls game. Yeah. He was like, Rob the Rob this place then acquire the weapon and then go to the next place and like, yeah. Like I, you have unlocked pistol with no ammo. You have pistol with no ammo. He, he had to hold down

44:41fucking the trigger and get like the resident before like case. Yeah. We had there was just like two red bulls, like two cigarette. His inventory. It's just red bull cigarette bus and fucking empty, empty hair one bags. I've never, I worked at Starbucks for years. I've never robbed. It's, it's scary. I mean, it would have caused absolute conundrum in Starbucks. Yeah. Like the type of people I worked with would have been like all would have had a therapist. They would have had somebody pay for their therapy. Yeah. Oh, let me see. You know what, I haven't checked in a while. I haven't checked if we got any voicemails. Let's see. Oh, yeah. You guys, we don't have any. And there's no money in here. That's fantastic. Fuck. Okay. Let me see. That's interesting because we should have way more. What's, what's our number here? Hang on. Let me see if I can find it. Settings. I don't remember. Okay. Here's our number. Guys, leave a voicemail. We haven't gotten it one in a while. 516-828-1535. 516-828-1535. Leave a voicemail. The phone number is in the

45:47description. Also send mail. We pay for the P.O. box to stay open. And then by we, I mean me and then I take it out. Jim's Patreon cut, which is fucking $200 a month. So it's really, you know, it takes a long time for me to be able to pay it. But join the Patreon too. It's like two bucks a month. Once again, he has a kid. Yeah. Don't be selfish. Oh, and the posters I haven't forgotten. Shout out Connor, one of our previous, I think previous top to your Patreon supporters. We owe him a poster. We're going to send it to you. I got to wait till Jim's here to get to get him actually signed. So yeah, Jim's going to drop him off. Yeah, Jim's going to handle it from tears. He's going to handle it. That'd be crazy. It's like, I'll be like, yeah, if you fucking subscribe to this Patreon, I will show up to your house. That would be awesome. If you join this tier, there's a tier on our on our Patreon. It's a $5,000 tier. Only one person can join it. And it's called Jim's mom only. And if you join the tier, you're legally Jim's mom, at least in his heart. Like he like yours, mom. That's pretty sick. Yeah. That's awesome. Because we had an episode where we were talking about something. He's like, $5,000 a month, you could just like be my mom. I was like,

46:49all right, I'm making that a tier. So it's like in the tier, I think that we reference the episode. It's like in reference of this episode. But that is fucking see I got robbed. It was fucking scary. I've never been robbed personally. Like personally, not going fucking plastic ball. But it was a, it was fucking scary, man. Yeah. We all like shook up. So you got home and it was like, come on, let me suck that. So I so it my buddy, you said my question is, did you ask when you got home? I was like, I was like, am I going to get like, I'm like, am I going to get like, I got robbed sex? And she was like, of course, she was like, of course, it was very sweet. She's like, of course, of course she will. Of course she will. Sweetie. Sit down. But like, yeah. But like so, got robbed. She told you by your game stop. Landry to the bedroom. But after that, yeah, my game suddenly my fucking rock band lanyard pre-order rock band. Ask me if that would rock band was out. Yeah, it was rock band. That's sort of say. I saw the lanyards. I saved the lanyards. I have like rock band lanyards. I have like, ask me how to save

47:50this much money on like whatever. Like I have a shit ton of mine. I think I threw most of them out because it's just it's just clutter. But please suck my dick. I saved the couple. Yeah. And yeah, she has my lame, my game stop lanyard. That's so fucking funny. She fucking she takes off my destiny t-shirt. She basically just raised it. She just puts deodorant on you. Yeah. Before hand. Let me wash that thing and suck it. Yeah. But yes, so the after I got robbed, I had to go to my buddy who was also somebody who worked at the store. I think he had just like quit to go work like a real job. And he had he was having a birthday gathering at Buffalo Wild Wings. So I got robbed. Then went to Buffalo Wild Wings and eight wings. But I wasn't even old enough to drink, which sucks. I would have gotten hammered. Yeah, that's a great time to get drunk. Yeah. But my boss who was old enough to drink, he was like, I am getting drunk tonight and he got fucking sloshed to the Buffalo Wild Wings. Yeah. Because he got robbed and then like it's different, like the store got robbed. So it's different between me. I'm like, I was like the game advisor, which is the lowest tier. It goes game advisor, senior game advisor, senior senior manager and then manager. Yeah.

48:55So I was at the bottom tier. So I get robbed. They're like, okay, put the description of the guy, whatever. He got robbed. It was his first day managing the store. So now he's going to answer a bunch of questions. Like why do you first day on the store? So where gets robbed? He had to deal with all that. It was pretty fucking crazy. Wait, so there's there's there's senior manager. Then there's manager or what the fuck? Not senior manager. What is it? The one under manager, like a assistant manager, ASM. That's what's not senior. Well, if you don't mind me asking, what were you making an hour games up? Minimum wage, seven, 25 at the time. And how many hours a week did you work? Honestly, probably like 12 hours a week. So I was making, I was making no money, but my parents really, when I was like eight up until like I, it's a good gig if you're like a teenager. Up until I was like up until the age of 20, my parents would give me essentially an allowance. Like, hey, here's your money for the week. Like give me like a hundred bucks. Oh, that's sick. Yeah, it'd be great. It was like a hundred bucks a week. So like when I started dating Brit, we could go to Applebee's and get like half apps. And I would try to stretch that like, okay, we can afford to go to the

49:57movies. We can afford to go to Applebees. I have money for gas, you know, shit like that. Yeah. And GameStop was just like extra money on top of that. So really I was making it. It was just some whim. Yeah, but it was like a hundred, but like, you know, 12 hours a week a minimum wage comes out to like a hundred and twenty five dollars by weekly. Like it, it's shitty. So I would like, but I love the job. I'll I play fucking video game. Talk about video games. Yeah, you're talking about video games. That's all it's all I did. So it was awesome. And when you're at the age of 18, it was an awesome job. Then I got a job working at Panda Express at the same. I was so I was working two jobs. One time my boss was like, I was a Panda Express. He was like, yo, can you come work them in the night release tonight? Because I, you know, the Panda Express closed like whatever, like eight nine o'clock. And he was, I was like, you bet the Panda Express is having a midnight. No, no, no. I can't do orange chicken. Yeah, you're having pre-order. Yeah. They're like, this is orange. Orange chicken three. Yeah. Yeah. He's been here for 13 years for this. Orange chicken three modern lunch fair. Yeah. So, uh, uh, so he called me as a yo, can you go work the midnight release? I was

50:59like, I'm in my Panda Express outfit. And he was like, I don't care. That's funny. So I, one time I worked at midnight release in a Panda Express uniform, just confusing the fuck out. It's crazy that you were having sex having both of those jobs. I was jacked. You were jacked. We're going to pay an express and game stop. Yeah. Imagine like your when you're 18, that's like Wall Street. It was Wall Street. Yeah. Yeah. You were fucking Jordan Belford. Dude, I, I got paid to talk about video games and eat teriyaki chicken all day. That's the fucking, it was that old granite run ball. No. So the game stop was in Chai Chester. Uh, they're not, they don't exist anymore. I think it's like a vape shop now, which I think is like the evolution of GameStop. It goes. Oh, it's right next to the act me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so game, game stop starts as like Hollywood video in the beginning and then it goes GameStop. And then it goes, and then it goes, and then it goes, vape shop. Yeah. And then I think it goes like AT&T. I think that's the order of like, and then Metro PCS. Yeah, then Metro PC goes back down, goes back down. And then eventually, it just become, yeah, it'll just, it just falls. And then it gets demolished and becomes the whole thing becomes a Walmart or an Amazon Super Center. That's, that's, I was going to Walmart or the Amazon

52:03Super Center is the new Spirit Halloween for like an entire mall. Yeah. Like Granite run ball is like sad. It is. It was, you see that little piece of Sears. Yeah. It's like, I was like, damn. Yeah, the place was the best. You walk any smell fucking, any ant's pretzels. Yeah, dude. Walking to a mall and you know, girls walking around. You're like a kid. You're like, this is the coolest place ever. Watching like teenagers hold hands and you're just like fucking. So hot. So fucking hot. Fuck that's gonna be one day and then it never is. Yeah. I'm gonna have like three chicks fight in each other. Yeah. Like in front of the foot locker. Right. We're gonna talk about boburnum in the parking lot. Yeah, because you were like a, you were like an actual like action figure of a mall rat. Yeah. You know, mall job. I had a mall friends. Right. So, so yeah, I worked at GameStop Panda Express, which is like, you know, it's like being like when you're 18, it's like we're gonna Wall Street, you know, and it really is. And but because I work at, I understand it is funny. So I worked. Yeah, I worked at, but the Panda Express I worked at was in a dying mall. Yeah. So the only customers we had every day were the people who worked at the mall pretty much.

53:03And then the rest of the day, I just wiped down counters until you could fucking see your face in them because that's all I could do. It's like, yeah, what you just do in busy work. And then, because if you go to an actual Panda Express, like in the city, that's busy. It looks like a fucking nightmare to work at. Oh, yeah, it's disgusting. But the one I worked at was chill as fuck. It was the grander one. Yeah, yeah. I worked at the one my friends. That was the best one. The only thing that sucked is you have to do the dishes at the end of the day. And it's fucking 90's restaurant. It's so fucking gross. It's Chinese dishes. Yeah. And then you'd have to, and I had to take the track and I had to take the trash out and like a fucking like a 24 hallway. Oh, yeah, there's like, limital hallways and the buzzing overhead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I had to go like walk down this long as hallway throughout the trash. But other than that, was you a Chinese manager? Yeah. It's so funny because like you would, you would yell, like if you were going out of orange, if you were running out of orange chicken, you had to yell, orange chicken to let them know that you make more. And you go, yeah. Like it was a nickname. You go orange chicken. You go, yeah. Well, I think you'd have to do it in an accident. Yeah. The authentic orange chicken. Oh, chicken. Oh, all right. You're. I'm sorry. Was that bad?

54:09No, no, we've done much worse. But sorry to any Chinese. It's okay. I already got rejected by Netflix and America's got talent. I've accepted my faith. Oh, fuck yeah. Then I've accepted my fate. Yeah. I don't give a fuck anymore. Dude, I've done. Good. I'm swinging. I've done everything I've wanted to in comedy. Honestly, like if it all ended tomorrow, I'd be happy. That's what we know. Everything, everything I've ever like, do you think when you get to heaven, you think you're going to like, like say the afterlife is like your dream scenario. Do you think you like wake up in the be like, wake up, sweetie? You have like your late for Panda Express and GameStop today. Like this is heaven and then or that's my. Like you've died and then wake up. They're like, dude, you're late. Like you're calling. It's like Panda Express is blowing you up to like dude. The manager's like, rubble down. Come in here. What are you doing? That was bad. What you just did. But that was like, that was over the top. But that's okay. Was that mean? No, no, no. I was just kidding. Oh, that was like, I get very insecure. I don't want to get to the Chinese. You took it from the level that you had and you up the one. You're like, is that bad? And I was like, no, it's fine. But then you took it to that. And I was like, all right, that was just pull out a gun. Yeah. It's a bed. But you say you're saying you so so this is like if you're after life, like say your your idea

55:11of heaven was like working at fucking GameStop and like Panda Express. Yeah. Like do you like would that be like a like was that your best your best time? I think right now is my best time, honestly. Yeah. I got a baby. Like if you were to be asking that question a year ago, I'd probably say yeah, because I was in a much worse place like mentally and like just wasn't happy. But like now I feel like right now I feel like is the best time of my entire life. Yeah. Like like all my all the people who are my friends are great. Everything I'm doing everything I've ever wanted to do. I'm exploring new things which I'll talk about in a minute and it's gay guys. And it's a man. I'm exploring men. Yeah, it's men actually. No, but like it's just with standup. It feels like I've done everything like the whole idea with like when I started was like it will be so much fun to go on the road and perform in new cities like that. Like you want to be a touring comic that's everybody's goal. Yeah. And I've done that. And I've also opened for Casey who like sells way more tickets than I do like exponentially more. And and like opening for him you feel like

56:16even know your featuring or hosting or whatever. It's like this is what touring is a comic. It's like opening like performing in front of packed crowds and shows and you go back to the hotel you get drunk you go back to the hotel room with your friends you wake up the next day you could practice like that whole like all the things I've done feels like like that's what I always wanted to do. So like anything else is a bonus. It's like you know if sure like sure it'd be awesome to get an Netflix special. I got to be on tires. That was amazing like just like all the shit that like I ever dreamed of this being has been done. So now I'm looking for like news like what's something fun like what's something fun I can chase like I still love doing stand up and I'm not gonna stop like it's like it truly is one of my favorite like things. I think you're going like next Lady Boys. What I think you're gonna finish this legacy on like Lady. Yeah. Lady Boys. Well we're going to the Philippines which I think is like right next door to Thailand. My geography is correct. It's time in close. Not even fucking close. Some sort of brown Asian. Yeah. I think like ride a bike to Thailand from the Philippines. I think you can ride a lady boy to Thailand. Well they're already there. Why am I going

57:19to go to Thailand you know. They're like fucking city bikes over there. I heard. Yeah but I don't know. I know over and fucking tap your phone. You just get a lady boy. Yeah. Drop it off at another station. The charging station. There's a girl. You get the fucking you open the app. It's like there's a girl dammit. It's like Tamantha is coming to pick you up. Tamantha. Tamantha. Tamantha will be there in three minutes. Like hell yeah. Tamantha is such a great. Tamantha. I've never thought of that. How did you get it right on the news? Yeah I don't know. Tamantha. Every once in a while I do a half-corp shop. I'm Tamantha. Yeah. Every once in a while I nail a half-corp shop in the pod. Most of them most of them are fucking you know two pointers. Oh dude I get or I'm sitting on the bench gym. I get regularly gutted by my wife. Yeah. Like like I'll say something that I think is hilarious. It should be like I don't get that. Yeah. Like last night when I was saying like I was like you're good looking years are now mine good looking years are later. Like it's a shame we can't be good looking at the same time. I was like you don't have to worry about how I look until I'm in my 40s. Right. Like you'll see me leaving the house and you're like you can't wear that. Those jeans are too nice on you.

58:22And I was like pretty soon you'll come home and I'll be like foot on the head fucking to 20. Like I said that joking around she just did not find that funny at all and I was like do you understand what I just said? You know? Foot on the head. Like I just said I'm gonna be foot on the head fucking to 20 year old in my 50s as a joke and she was like wow yeah I was like yeah that's actually what I'm gonna do. Foot on the head fucking is hilarious. Foot on the head fucking is especially if you have a small dick it's the funniest. You have no right to foot on the head. I have no right to foot on the head. I'm no right to like fuck. No I know it's an absolute every time I do it. I'm like are you really? It's a privilege every time. Every time. I'm like it feels amazing. This is happening. Wow this is happening. Holy shit. That's my entire thing. This gonna be great for me. This is gonna suck for you. Yeah well yeah well I'm good at eating pussy. That's all I have for me. I couldn't make I couldn't I could probably count the times on two hands. I've made Brit come with just my penis and our entire like relationship. Yeah it's gotta be I'm all that's my like you know you know how you put all your points into a skill tree in a video game.

59:25I think like fucking has like three points in it and then eating is a eating pussy is it like 98. It's like S tier fuck fuck my tongue my tongue. Bigger. I'll come from fucking or is like is like Dragon Force fucking like through the fire and flames. Yeah have you ever fucked a girl and you don't have to. Yes I have. Okay well that's you know we're playing two truths in a lie so I know which one's a lie. No I mean like have you ever I guess like a Athena or you know or like but like it doesn't matter but like have you ever had sex and you both come at the same time. Sure yeah I've had that happen maybe like twice. I that's like a magical moment that's like fucking. Well here's the thing that feels like see allegedly I'll say a legend. Yeah yeah because she hasn't want to ruin the night. Yeah yeah because then I'll just go look out the window all night. Brit Brit has told me like she's admitted that she's like faked in orgasm with me like I think they all do Brit has um unless you're like unless you're like fucking straight up like jungle fucking some girl. Oh you mean like like like penis fucking you're coming from penis like you're doing like one of those positions where like

1:00:26like like me and you could never get a lady to do but some like really tall handsome guy good they're like oh yeah I'll stand on my brainstem. I'll lean on my brainstem and hold my big toes like this like a fucking upside down champ and then to do like and like dudes like that like don't fuck they like administer cock. Yeah. Like I'm gonna turn you into an animal. I'm gonna fucking invent sex for you. Yeah I'm actually gonna ruin it for the rest of your life. Yeah dude I just uh you let me while me and you were like I have like my shorts around my ankles. I love you so much. Oh my god whoa. I love you so fucking love dude dude getting when I'm getting ahead and I take my shorts like off having them around your ankles like it's so like when you have to be like kick them off. Yeah. Because like I like to spread out so I can't do that with my shorts so I gotta be like hang on like like what like stop for a second. Just like getting undressed like a fucking baby and then like getting like getting sucked off is so fun. First of all getting ahead is just hilarious because it's just like you're doing this to me and I'm me. You're doing that I'm making this involuntary like yeah especially as me because it's like

1:01:31my job is like stand up and podcasting like that's all I do I mean I do I do video editing and shit like that but like I don't have a nine to five so for you to go anywhere close to my penis as like a hardworking nurse. Yeah. Is the funny. You're sucking her dick. I should I should literally be like I should literally like invent a penis for her for me to suck. Yeah. That's what you get suck a strap on. Well dude there was dude there's a I mean there's a period of time where like you know when I got laid off from my job and before stand up really started picking up I was like driving for DoorDash and like not really like paying the fair share of bills I should have been paying and like getting ahead during those moments I just felt like and no no I felt like a loser. Yeah but you're true king if you're pulling that off. Oh yeah I was I was a king for pulling it off into my head I'm like I'm a loser because it's like I don't deserve this. I'm still ready yet. Yeah but you still let's still do it of course you're not gonna say no but now it feels like now it feels like when I when I get sucked off I'm like that's right you're supposed to be doing that. Yeah I'm like yeah you know what this is what you I deserve. I'm literally like I deserve this. You're welcome from staring into my fucking groin dude that should be an ad for well butrin

1:02:34is like getting sucked off and then the guy goes I deserve this I deserve this one I deserve this. It's the small victories. Yeah small victories. Well butrin well butrin well butrin when you get sucked off you don't feel like a loser getting sucked off the right way. You're getting sucked off the right way and also texting everybody you ever know if you have your first couple coffee well butrin. I was talking to Matt Peoples he was we were talking about ViVance because I'm on it and I think we'll see you on just fucking handsome guy. He's only handsome guy pills. He's only tall Zampic I think or something. Yeah they take tall like they take tall vitamins. Yeah they just gate keep those vitamins from us like you walk into a vitamin store and they go hey hey yeah out out you don't need this you know here shoe this won't do anything for you but if you were tall and chiseled this would do everything. Yeah but like but we're talking about Matt Peoples like yeah I don't know what it is about like ViVance but like when I take it it's just like I'm gonna text everybody I ever know and I never thought about it but like in my mornings I go for a walk around the block and after my ViVance kicks in I'm like drinking a cell C.S. I'm just in the best mood ever.

1:03:37I'm like it's my best feeling it's the best I'll feel all day and and I'm just like you know I haven't texted in a while my dead dad let me fucking hit like just like just a note but like any like anybody I'll text like and it's not like it's not genuine it's like like it's usually related to whatever like is going on in my life at the moment like hey like you know like thanks for coming to the baptism who's good seeing you like it's all genuine but like I think that should just like like literally just makes you like I don't know like the whole the whole purpose of is just make you a better version of yourself and like that's your true self you know it's like that's who you want to be but like yeah as soon as I start taking well but you're in ViVance I just felt like this is how a human being should feel yeah it is heartbreaking when you when you come to the realization when you take medication like that you go yeah like something live my life in like hard mode yeah yeah yeah yeah literally controllers unplugged I've been living my life with no armor it's like like I was just like a fleshy like fucking bag with tits yeah that would just get yelled at me like you can't focus all right we're gonna take it over to the patreon real quick before

1:04:41we do I'm gonna talk about this more in the patreon I was showing John I'm more kind of a little side project guys I it sounds kind of like stupid and cringey but I I started a meme coin just for shits and giggles because like I was I was putting like money into the app fomo my buddy was showing me like yeah if you like put 10 bucks in these meme coins some of them some of them are like a 10th of a penny they could go up to like you know like you can make like 50 60 bucks off $10 like that sounds like fun but like I kept losing money kept getting rug pulled by these like scammers and I was like why don't I just make a coin as a developer that's like a fun coin the people can get behind that's trusted and like I'm not really in it for the profits like obviously you make money off transaction fees but like I'm not like I literally as an investor own like 0.001% of the supply but I started a community on on Twitter X and Telegram and I'm slowly building a community for this coin I didn't want to start I didn't want to launch it like on like not anonymously like all

1:05:43my all my actual social medias because it's it sounds corny a I wasn't even sure if I was going to be into it and I'm slowly getting into it but eventually once it builds momentum I'm going to come out public as a developer because right now I'm anonymous but anyway I just want to tease you guys on that I'm not going to tell you what the coin is when I do eventually talk about it there's no pressure to invest in it it's just a fun little side project I'm doing but yeah well we can talk about that more on the patreon and other stuff I'm I'm genuinely curious guys leave a comment if if you would be interested in at least checking out my meme coin or if you think it's stupid and cringey just genuine genuine question no no like just I don't know it's it feels so weird like like that hawk to a girl made a fucking meme coin and like ripped a bunch of people off well no she didn't the the the dues that swooned her into it the guy who was like yeah yo what's making meme coin for you they rug pulled it but obviously if I'm like you know like I haven't worked this hard as a comic to like put my reputation out and try to scam people which is why like as first I would never do that to me I would never do that to you but uh but I don't know it's a

1:06:46that's why I wanted to build it first I still am building it I don't think I'm going to announce it anytime soon but I just wanted to tease everybody it's just like and it's not anything related to comedy it's not anything related to the podcast it has no if you saw the coin you'd be like why is it named that and I think that's the fun part is it's literally just a meme coin like some people like meme coins like they try to do like fucking like like shit that's like like topical like rockstar games all that shit came out they were trying to make like like GTA coin and all that stuff and I just wanted to do something that's like a literal meme and it'd be it'd be a fun thing check out and I'm excited I'm excited to eventually uh go public with it but for now uh I want to A C if it's still something I'm interested in because it's like only been two days since I launched it so it's still an exciting new thing and uh if I if I continue to be interested in it then I will go public hey guys editor Rob here from the future I've actually talked about this coin publicly since this episode was recorded the meme coin I made it's called lizard maxing I'm not

1:07:49kidding it's as silly as it sounds I made it as a joke and now I have friends and family who are like actually investing in it so now I feel somewhat responsible uh to at least talk about it so check it out lizard max dot com l i z ar d m a x dot com no pressure to put any money in please do not put money into this that you are not willing to lose but uh yeah I just wanted to tease everybody leave a comment let me know if you'd be interested in learning about it oh oh yeah I'll just try to conjure it up for you oh just try to get some advertising what do you hate money well anyway guys uh we're gonna take it over the patreon real quick we want to thank our top tier patreon supporters and I keep forgetting to check the list so I'm gonna add it now yeah thank you guys we appreciate you posters will be coming uh come to our live shows come to the live pod October 3rd at Souljoules in Potstown Pennsylvania oh yeah I'll be there I'll be there watching yeah that john thanks for coming and john be there hanging out so you know people fans of the podcast know you I'm sure they'll be excited to see you there I don't know could do a

1:08:52guest spot five minutes dude now in a guest spot uh so I'm dating now yes fucking vomit uh yes just go up there just you could go up there and you could just talk about what your day and people would laugh do you mean oh yeah sure you know do you crush in my kitchen can I can I tell you all right tell me if I can keep this in and if not let it end out okay one time I would definitely scrub that part okay okay that's a personal one dude okay there's like private ones it's like when you chef cook you fucking faggrab at your house john said anyway john says something really funny that I can't repeat but uh any of the whole idea is everything you say is funny that's I'm trying to get that your analogies for everything something is like this is just makes me laugh thanks but anyway I'm not gonna suck john stick anymore um in fact I fucking hate you and I wish Jim was here but uh anyway myself too uh we'll see you guys in the patreon please join the patreon starts only two hours a month hey it's editor rob here we want to thank our top tier

1:09:53patreon's poires Simon and I really wish this guy would change the name of his patreon name fat beener you get access to all of our episodes like we yeah there's over 150 now bonus episodes like part two as soon as you join you get access to all those uh the higher tiers you get um access to more stand-up material like I upload my full sets from the clips I post um it like you get signed posters I think that's really it sign posters more shit and uh yeah I'll see you guys we'll see you guys over on the patreon we love you stink it forward peace and love hope to see you guys we love you