#197 - Joe List and Dan Soder

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1:00Oh, welcome everybody to Starfish World, 9-0-4-800-STOP. Call the Stabby Hotline sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems. Big show, two of my best pals in the world on the couch, Dan Soder, Joe Liss, thank you for being here, boys. And this episode, of course, is brought to you by... BEEP! And BEEP! And BEEP! Both of those things out and butt in, and butt in, blur the cups. BEEP! Get those Seattle Queens out of your house. That is true. That was the Super Bowl last year was... Yeah, Seattle was Boston. It was the Dunkin' Starbucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of, now we shouldn't start with sex scandals for NFL owners. Yes, we can. We can, but let me just say, Uncle Stav on Netflix tomorrow, folks, the big special, the culmination of this last three years of my life, the Lord tried to kill me many times. Yes. Before this came out... Was it the Lord or was it the Devil?

2:00Maybe it was, you're so right. I need to dedicate my life to Jesus Christ. You want a black following? Devil's trying to keep you down. She! BEEP! We got that. Not that. I was going more of the love of God. Right, all right. I'm a voice guy. Are you okay? Are you rebranding his BEEP? Do you have another one? BEEP! No, no, we're done with that one. Do you have another voice? You know what BEEP! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! BEEP! What was it? Mine is Nez and Mandela. That's good. That's okay. He's doing a real guy. Nez and Mandela. Who is it? Kira Sawa. No, that is not. I don't know. I don't believe that is what Akira Kira Sawa sounds like. When I was locked away, I would think Joe Lista's a pussy. That's what. I don't think that sounds like Mandela, but it's pretty good. Mine was the first one. I didn't say I'm Jackson. Oh, gee, about the fuck. That's what he thought. You know what he better to do to say that. Thank you. I really did it for you. He actually clicks in.

3:01You're like, wait, that's okay. Is that Jackie Brown? That's Jackie Brown? Oh, you're doing, yeah, like he knows that he has, there's different stuff. Yeah, cool picture. I'm sure. We don't have to hear him, Joe. It's all about that guy. We should, then let's talk about it. It wasn't the 49ers owner recently. No longer, Joe, is you're the only sex scumbag owner. Well, Stagh. Stagh. Excellent. Stagh, my guy. My guy's good. Oh, he's not. Bob Kraft? Bob Kraft was getting jerked at a very low-end massage parlor. Can I say something? Hi, Joe. You've changed. I'll just say that. Joe, can I take this? Please. Number one. You have changed. You being anti-sex worker. No, no, no. Bro, what I'm saying is if you're a bit... Thank you, Aldis. Dude, not turn out you were such a piece of shit. You're earning on me just because Dad and Joe are funnier than me. And are, Dad, you respect them more. You fucking piece of shit. Fuck you. Don't forget who pays your fucking bills. Stagh, Rose, you're a Ravens fan, correct?

4:01That's true. Would it hurt your feelings if you're under got caught with a hooker? Or would you look at it like this? What happened when Robert Kraft got caught with a hooker that season? My dad says you're quarterbacks of thug, but I don't hear anything. You're dad, you're cousin, you're mom. Everyone you went to school with. I got some cousins that say it's the thinking man's position. What happened to your Robert Kraft got caught? Oh, did they won that year? Ring loading. Interesting. Oh, okay. So you think that's okay. Ring loading. Now here's my point. Those guys could... I'm pro sex worker. They should be hiring the most high-end one. Oh, really? When you go get eggs, do you go to the expensive restaurant? I don't have a billion dollars. You have a restaurant with the eggs restaurant. No, but you go to a diner. You go to a greasy spoon diner. Where do you get a good right off the grill? I'm sorry. You give your money to someone that needs it. That 160 bucks is going to go so far in that parking. If those guys cut a $40,000 check to those women,

5:01which means nothing to them, I take it all back. I take it all back. Oh, my God. Even 10. Can I tell you the part that I heard? But I'm guessing they paid market price. Well, they were filled. They were filled with texts. By the way, to fill everybody in, the 49ers owner was called a trailer park. He got pulled over to trailer park. He's Jed. Jed Yord. Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's the Dabardo Lo family, who's he from Youngstown. And then when Eddie Dabardo got in trouble for gambling, he sold it to Yord. We sold it to a sister who was married to Jed Yord's dad. Oh, I thought Italian kind of Ellis Islanded themselves to get away from their sex crimes. They really do. But that's what they did. That's why it's Yord. That's so funny. But that pasta sauce is still in there. You could take the Italian last name from the boy. You can't take the tomatoes out the sauce. I want to have an an an an an an a sauce is like a nice guma.

6:02But he got so yes, he gets acceptable. Yeah. Absolutely. Cut his mic. No iris, no cacks, no dogs. So yeah. But there's a lot of Joe. There's a lot of Italians were slaves too. No, but the Irish were. Okay. They found the texts and the lady was like it's $160 for sex with a condom. It's $180 for sex without a condom. Which what about 1985? These are good prices. These are amazing. Dollar differences way too low. Have some love for yourself. That's true. That's good. That's good. My buddy was paying the. I was. I was staying at price to catch both of your reactions to the hooker market. What? How you guys going? Oh, it's actually 20 bucks. I'll tell you what's inflation proof.

7:03Yeah, yeah. That's just sucks. You know, I feel bad for them. Because they're their eggs. They don't stay the same price. You know what I mean? They still got a buy them. But I thought hookers like two grand now. I would have assumed that as well. And these guys should have been. And I thought these guys should be paying. If you're a billionaire, give a give a beloved hooker 10 grand. Okay, but maybe he didn't have the opportunity to have that pretty woman moment. I see. Because these pigs come and box them. You mean the cops stopped. He was about to change her life. He was driving and he was looking for. He was on Zillow looking for apartments. Yeah, I watch that. The footage of him being pulled over by the cops. And I listen to Roy Orbison's pretty woman while I watch him. And it's way more of a rock. Oh, he's pretty woman. Oh, man, that's what. So it was a sting. I didn't get it. He got caught in a sting. And he. But wait, did he fuck her or no? No. He just got caught setting it up. Wow, dude, getting arrested with a hard dick.

8:04That's, I mean, look, I don't, I have no sense. Shutout tires. Oh, he's doing day. He's doing day. He's doing day. He's doing day. He's doing day. He's doing day. He's doing day. He got arrested with a hard dick in the face. In basketball for. But he's got my boy, dude, free. That's fucking insane, dude. Like, why would if you're that rich, you could just like, you know, fly out. Well, a lot of them just go to islands and traffic the youth. That's a good one. Jets out here in trailer parks. You know what he's doing? It's said that that's like a, you're, you're making a valid point. Yeah. Hey, my billionaire only sex traffic's of age women. That's, that's your point. I'm sorry. He's the spring steam of billionaires. So what's the, does he have to give up the team now? No. No. They just ain't got a rest. They put someone, someone, all these foreign air fans keep retweeting this video of Jed York from a like 2015 or whatever when people were really mad at him because the Niners were losing. And he goes, I'm the owner. You can't get rid of the owner. Oh, they keep playing that now. They're like, you're dead. You're dead.

9:04Didn't watch this. Tell us loose the team. The clippers guy. Yeah, but he was a, his shit was different. His was like, he was just, he was caught on like Mike being insanely racist about his own players. Yeah, he was caught. He was like saying how he checks their teeth and shit like the horse. It was kind of fucking, I mean, Blake River's got the story about like when he was a rookie, the owner would like throw these parties. Yeah. And he like would parade young Blake around like that. Check out my new one. You know what I mean? Like it's fucking insane. That's how bad you need your bills paid sometimes. Is he just like, I mean, I just don't show you how evil controls everything. Even like the guy finishes third in MVP voting. And he still has to just have a weird kind of gay like torture. Yeah. Strong. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Feel the power. That's crazy. It's crazy. I mean, the deposition is still one of the funniest things of the time. The funniest thing from that is her interview where she goes. I was his right hand arm.

10:06His right thing. His silly rabbit. And Bob a Walter goes, does he call you that his silly rabbit? She goes, no. She was just freestyle. She was in the zone, dude. It's good. It's good. You know what? This is fun. I could give interviews. She goes, yeah, she's working those like, she's wearing that weird visor. You wore the full face one. Yeah, the lady Gaga visor. Interim move. But yeah, anyway, I believe J. York will continue to have the team probably. I'm telling you, we're following the path of the New England Patriots and we're going to win a Super Bowl. Is there. Are you worried about, there's like electromagnetic fields that brother, I have. Look, everybody's knees. I have done a deep dive on this. Is that what, Elders, do you know about this? There's no electrical substation next to the facility of the 49ers. I tuned out quick. Yeah. You really did. I was telling Joe and Joe was like, I don't know. As it was happening. So it was like, you know what I felt like a scientist in a disaster movie showing Joe this stuff. Like that you see levels are rising much too quick. He's the mayor and J. Yeah, they're going to play.

11:06They're going to play. You want the best summers we ever had? But I was like, I'll tell you Joe, these shit's going bad. But then every news station in the Bay Area did investigations with like real scientists. It's in a suburban community. Turns out the 49ers, just like they don't like to pay for hookers. Yeah. They don't like to pay for high end training. So they sunk $9 million in between last year and this year. Oh, wow. They're like up their facilities and their training stuff. And what was happening there? They're tearing knees. Apparently the electronic fucking waves cook your fucking ACL or whatever. So they were saying that it makes your tendons weaker. Weaker. Because of the low frequency things. What if you slow roasted a fucking brisket by the leg? If you get you get the tendons break down. Just go. Like that's maybe the 49ers need to open up a barbecue restaurant in between the stadium and the substance practice where the old barbecue. Yeah. Yeah, flip them. There you go. Running around in that sauce they can't.

12:06That's sauce has made them slipper is a hall. I would love to watch sauce ball. You just you just fucking hose down the running back with fucking baby race. And then the defense got hickory. Watch these two collisions of flavor. That would be a fun because I always enjoyed slam ball where it was basically basketball but on a trampoline. Can I tell your fans that love you but don't love sports? Sure. Just pretend. Stav is pushing sauceball on ESPN. And then it's just all makes sense. That is true. What I'm trying to do look I did it. I'm doing a commercial ESPN football this year. Next year I hope they'll let me pitch sauceball. It's all the way that sauce ball. I got to get my foot in the door and then I'm like fellas. What are we saw some down? It's like you got to be moderate in the general election. No, don't start this bullshit. And all of a sudden I'm just saying a pack of funding can go all the way. I can Trump very moderate.

13:07Now all of a sudden I'll tell you what takes a turn. I would have personally really enjoyed a Tuesday's of stories your first guest is Donald Trump. First and only guest. Norman Zingingham. Yeah. And you're doing puns. Very big. You go. Yeah, do big. Go sideways. And he goes. What is that? It's confused old man. He's going to be a little bit more like Keniside Barbie and Ken. Hey, he goes. I don't know what's happening. He's shutting down. Oh fuck. Yeah, I would love so. Would you eat your dad's come for three hundred bucks? I don't care for the question. I don't like that. I know. Obviously we would never have a Trump on here, but it would be funny for him to ask to answer questions about like. Hey, stop. So I'm in a polycule and my wife keeps getting fucked by your bigger dick's boyfriend. What should I do about that? That's what I want to see. I don't. And by the way, everything. That's how we fix society.

14:07Because that's what I want to see. I want to see him answer that question. Absolutely. And be like, big dicks are terrible. Terrible things. This guy I like this guy. No, I don't think that's how we fix it actually. I don't know if you should make him likeable. No, but I'm saying silly. We haven't tried it. You're right. Silly. Silly. We've got to go next round of podcasts in the election cycle. Should all be the silly podcast. Absolutely. Not the interview was. Yeah. Like those fucking guys that fucking had literally netting Yahoo on. Oh, the Nelka boys. Maybe the dumbest guys in the world. Yeah. Right? They're asking what his burger king order was. No, they did it. They got. They as they wore criminal. What is fucking burger king order? Oh, that's good. That's epic, dude. Oh, my God. You can bet on. Wait, wait, wait. Before you say anything, Mr. Netanyahu bet on polymarket. If you think he's going to say Wapper, Tendi. Yeah. Did you know that BBs are chicken sandwich boy? That's a taste overload. Yeah. Anyway, I haven't been, you know what?

15:07I haven't been the burger king in a while. It fucking rules. I hear Foley. I was just talking to Foley. He thinks they need to fix the pickles. But everything else is good. Crazy note. Yeah. I mean, Foley's the man. Crazy note. Fucking man. But great note. I mean, McDonald's more than I'd like to do. When's the last time you had BK? I never do McBK. I mean, it's been year. Maybe on a highway somewhere. That's what's up. I'm a McDonald's. I was driving up to Albany, hit some traffic, pulled over on I-95. I've got some BK chicken sandwich, Wapper, Jr. That's the one I'm thinking of. That's over the New York line. Yeah. I know you can say. Fan. At some point, it changes from McDonald's to Burger King on the hot way. It's like, you get into the blood. It gets poor, gross areas. Donald's is class and baby. McDonald's is not class and... I got to deliver it all the time. No, really? All the time. And it's like, I live in like a door man luxury building. It's like, here's your McDonald's, you fucking white trash. It's like all guys and suits, fucking things.

16:07That's like, I- I looked at a whole lot of these things. I looked at an apartment in your neighborhood and the guy, you know, I just dressed like I do. The broker was like, you have enough money to live here, right? He was like, that's fucking... That's the neighborhood we're talking about. Joe was like, yeah, I'll just have a fucking six nuggets of... What is your order? What's your go-to order? Well, it used to be a double... This is... You guys are going to enjoy this. It used to be a double quarter pounder. Just beef cheese and bun. I don't like all the... Okay. I don't want any... Damn, dude. Missionary style. I respect that. Yeah. Just hit it raw. I'm not... Missionary style no kissing. Okay. I'll see you later. Hopefully, I got to go make some free agent moves. Hopefully, that makes a baby. Yeah. Now I'm on a diet though, so I get two double cheeseburgers. Oh, of course. Yes. Wait, two double cheeseburgers is more than... No, double quarter pounder is a big. They're greasy. Double cheeseburgers are little. When I was talking to your old pal, Mike Vecchio, trying to lose some weight, you know, because I'm getting older, I'm a fat fuck.

17:08You're not great. Cookies, brownies, the whole thing. And so he was like, I was like, you know, I eat McDonald's all the time. I go home, who's a nut. He's like, McDonald's is good. He's like, when I'm on the road, I see McDonald's, I get four double cheeseburgers take the bread off. A lot of protein, it's perfect. And so I took that info and I was like, great. You're a bastard. You're like, I'll get fries and a couple of nights. That was like when someone was like, actually, that was like when we were drinking still and someone would go, you know, wine's good for your heart. And I go, well, that's probably half a bottle of whiskey, right? Was that wine? Yeah, yeah. What does that convert to wine? I was left as centarians, you know, the blue zones. They all drink wine every day. But you're like, they might live eight more years. Yeah. They could drink wine every day. Well, I love, because one of the blue zones is Greece. And I promise you that that is people doing fraud. I promise you, that's people continuing to collect their dead grandfather's pension. Right, right. Like in Greece, I promise you the cigarette smoking, like, fuck it, you know, moonshine drinking villages, they're not living to 108.

18:10Because these people average a lifespan of 127 years. This is unlike anything we've ever seen. And I have no proof it's just knowing how, you know, Greece people are. It's just racism. Well, no, because if you... So, say, you'll not attempt to... I'm a giant Mediterranean racism Italian... Italians and Greeks. Joe's going after the sauce collective. It's hurled at all the white people. And I can't do she. But you can just rush all Greeks under the rug. I won't stand for this. Joe's going to be selling out in Athens. Yeah. Joe, the Acropolis. Yeah. Joe, Joe, Joe, you're going to send another thing. I like that you guys eat feta. I think it's gross. Fuck, jerk. Fuck, Albania. He's getting fucking suvelacky thrown at him. I like Albania. Oh, okay. Oh, dude, I'm... Albania rules. Yeah. You've been to Albania? No. So, you know what?

19:10They do kind of rule, because they've been destroying Jared Kushner's settlement. Pushing trailers off of fists. Yeah. They're nuts. Albanians are nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You will not take my beach. Yeah. That is where I go cheat my wife. I will not put luxury hotel where I cheat my wife. What I get sent to see you make beautiful resort. Shit. It's nothing extra than wax. That's... And you know what I mean? That's... That's urban Albania. Yeah. That's a Bronx Albania. The ones in the scary ones in the mafia. I may have tried that voice on once or twice growing up in Baltimore City. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. How did you guys not grow up with black sense? Because you guys both grew up in heavily black neighborhoods. It was... We always... You mocked those kids. They were always seen as posers to... Where it was like... Yeah, we could just be white guys to talk like this and just like basketball and rap. We don't have to pretend to do a voice. There wasn't one that you... There's always one that you saw that you go like, I think this is just who he is and I don't... Sure.

20:10...s trying to be this way. There's a couple of those... Just white kids that are like, I, you know what I'm saying. I'm around and you're like, damn that really is you. There's a couple of them. I mean, there's this one guy on Instagram, I see all the time. He's got like... He's like grey hair, short little like Caesar cut. Oh, dude, he's awesome. I follow him. Yeah, he's hilarious. He talks in... Like, you're like, yeah, that guy. And he just drops the N word on Instagram. Oh, no, that's the difference. I'm thinking of a guy who's a handle. That'd be a scandal. Boston Joe, go like, can he run for president? I like the cut of his jib. Yeah. This guy's alright. You fucking tell me this guy isn't a Yankees fan. We're in business. That's what I think Tarantino is like. I think he's one of those guys. Yeah, I mean, dude, it is so funny to look back and be like, really, you had to be the guy who said this, huh? On Pulp Fiction, on rewatch. It really, because he's not that good an actor to begin with. You know what's that? And then it's like, really? Did you have to... And you have to repeat dead blank storage a couple times. You really like the rhythm of that. Yeah, what a tight friendship he had with...

21:10Yeah, Samuel, you're best voice. Yeah, you're just doing character. How would he take that? Now, you could do the voice. Yeah. How would he take that? Yeah, do Tarantino saying it to St. Jackson? Jules, I couldn't think of his name. Knock it off, Julie. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, Jules. God, the funniest one is Norm, you ever see Normie Donald? Incredible. Okay. You can tell he hates him by that impression. But we were talking about screen tests on the regs, but they do a Pulp Fiction screen test. Yeah, yeah. We're in love with hamburgers? Yeah. That's the burnt one. What is it? The burnt Reynolds playing it, regas. You know what they call a quarter pounder in France? And then he goes, yeah, acquaintance. Something about Jules Burgers? That duck is coming out. I'm excited about it. The Norm Duck. Yeah, Norm Donald Duck. Yeah, who made it? They were like Judd, Daphtail. Oh, he's so good at docs. That Mel Brooks one. Unbelievable. Because you don't know, like, you grew up with Mel Brooks. And you're just like, oh, his movies have always existed. And you don't realize how close he came to like, never make, like, people doubt him all the time.

22:10And then when he's successful, it's like, Blazing's house was like the number one movie in America for years. And young Frank, saying, yeah, young Frankenstein. Young Frankenstein. That was my dad. That was what my dad used to, like, not really push on me, but we watch all the time was everything Mel Brooks. Hello. So I loved it thinking no one else liked them. And then you grew up and you were like, kind of like a hipster with a band. Totally. For someone's like, I like Mel Brooks, you don't know shit about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a classic. You live in a non- like, like urban center, or you live like with someone without Jewish people. Yeah. And then like, you think you're like interesting for having Mel Brooks movies. And they're like, nah, dude, we fucking know all the way through. They're standing. What are you? What's wrong with you? We've been watching Mel Brooks and Tweet of the Babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, oh, shit. My mom loved it. My mom loved Mel Brooks and Mafia movies. And everything else, she was like, wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons. But she let me watch that type of thing. Why is that? Why did so many? Were you allowed to watch The Simpsons? Uh, yeah. But I know there was a lot of pushback about it. My parents didn't care. My mom, my parents didn't love me.

23:10Did you know your parents never brought it up? I don't think so. My mom was like, I remember there was kids in my high school that were like, they weren't allowed to wear Bart Simpson and stuff. Because at the beginning, I think his sting was like, for glory, suck, you might dick. Homework stinks, kind of. Yeah, my shorts, my works, things. Which is basically, blow me. That's right. Kill your masters. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My com is what he was saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was essentially saying, snort my com like, it's a line of coke. Man, he's going to put that at the end. Snort my gizman. Matt, could we change that line? Is that possible? Yeah. Yeah. It's my ass, man. Yeah, my mom was like, now you can't watch the Simpsons. And that's why I thought my dad was so cool. But that was like Simpsons rules to watch it. I was like, yes. And then South Park came out. And my mom had already given it. She watched an episode of Simpsons. She's like, this is really funny. You can watch this. And then South Park came out. She didn't know about it. It was on a comedy central. Yeah. And that was like some shit.

24:10Oh, I was really not allowed to watch South Park. Be even some butthead. It was the one where everyone was not allowed to watch. Absolutely. And then I was like, I'm going to go to Eldis' house. Really? Because Eldis' family was way so fresh off the boat that they were just so happy to be in America. That he got like, he had like a foxy brown poster in his bedroom. And it was like her tits out when we were seven. Like, I remember going over to his house to get, and I'd be like, all right, nice. We're going to look at that poster for a little bit. Like, we would, I would plan to get horny at Eldis' posters when I was like 10. Same age. This kid Tony was his dad was like an Eastern Colorado farmer. And he moved in with his grandpa and his grandma who lived in my neighborhood. And he was allowed to have sexy beer posters on his wall. And I was going over there 10 years old. And you know what one it was? It was a Budweiser where it should bottom boot. Oh, yeah. The first time I saw bottom boot, I loonie tunes down to the house. Bottom. Like, I was like, you can't even fathom bottom tints. And they were heavy. They're all top. You're, listen, top is great. Great. Because every like, you know, as a little boy, you see like somebody's aunt bending over.

25:12You see that. Cleavage. You can't, you have cleavages. You're like, well, can't get better than this. And then you're like, you could see under her nipples. And also that is the true gravity of the situation. Because you're seeing that. Yeah. Hang, you see how they hang. And that's a great point. I walked into Tony's bedroom. I saw that. I'm a man now. I'm clearly getting a little horny. And then the side boot. There's so many different side. Oh, side boot. Side. Let me tell you the best side boob I ever saw in my life. I was like, I'm a rock star. You're coming around the cellar like ten or eleven years ago. I'm wondering where this is going. And his side tip was so nice. She had to. She had to. That's nice. Good. Yeah. He had this lady with her and she had a like a sleeveless t-shirt. But it hung like down her side. And obviously she had her tits like pasted to it or whatever. Yeah. But she had big boobs. Awesome. And whatever it was. But her side titties were out. And every single comic of that place was like, of course. She's dialed into this lady.

26:12Trying to get her to watch her when she turned to the side and you'd be like, yeah, yeah. I thought it was going to be a much younger story. No. I thought you were going to talk about it. I was in my 30s. Because of mine, I was like 12. No, brother. I still wrote. I think Rick Festival. And it was just a lady I don't know who she was. And I remember her side having side. And I was like, I was just like, I just got caught. It didn't matter. I was like, I'm going to stop. I was getting hit with the tit vapors. Dude. I was just, it was like, it was like in a boxing game when you have to clinch. Yeah. Because you need a second. Yeah, I'm like, something to, something to, something to, something to, something to it. She's friends with your brother's godmother. She's going to get mad at you. Which obviously made it hotter. Yeah. Oh my God. When you saw like a rando mom, a rando friend's mom's huge tits, you go like, yo. And it was her in my life. Yeah. And I was like, I was like 12 and she was like, I don't know, like in her early 20s. It was like a, she was like a woman. And I remember being like starting to do the math.

27:13I'm like, all right. I'll be 18 and six years. Like I was like, can I, how could I fuck this woman? Not like tits are awesome, but being like, well, I have to fuck this lady. And too scared by the way, even look at a girl in the eyes. Oh my God. You know, but at the time, I'm like, how do I scheme on this woman whose name I don't know? She'll be my wife. And I was, that is, there is actually something wholesome about it. And I was like, how do I date this woman? You're like, let me fuck her and use her and toss her away. You go like, how do I make this woman a part of my life? No, truly. I was like, look like with her. I think I could, if I, I think I could, if we had like a police sketch artist, I think I could perfectly describe her to this day. That's a great idea for a show. Yeah. Having your first tip. Favorite tits. Yeah, that's, that's our subway takes rip off. Now I have not done you. You're not. You're doing well. You have a lot of money, a studio. You can pitch my show idea. Please. I've heard this, many people have heard this many times. So fast forward if you're following my career because I've been talking about this for many years. I'm interested. Here's the show idea. Now I feel like I'm highly skilled at knowing what kind of shit I'm about to take.

28:19Ooh. So you get a police artist and everyone has three contestants say, I don't know if I've never heard your side deals. This is incredible. I've had a very long time. So everybody describes, because like if I, by the way, it feels like my stomach, I'm like, this is going to be double tapered, this is going to be pebbles. Right. Everyone describes their shit. We sketch it. Whoever's closest to the dump wins gets to eat the shit. You eat my shit? No, no, no. I don't know that. Which is why I'm watching my shit. Dropping it with Joe. Skech my shit. Skech my shit. Dropping it with Joe's pretty good. What kind of shit is that? Because the shit list. Because the shit list with Joe list. That counts. We have to do when he's the producer, the money guy. He's like, yeah, perfect. I don't know. We could probably massage you. No, the shit list is good. That's a real phrase. That's a real phrase with shit in it. And his last name. That's pretty good. I go honestly right now though. Name puns aren't charting. So I think it's probably going different. But don't you feel when you have to shit? Because some people don't know that. I know what you mean. I know what they're like. What are you talking about? Can I tell you right now, I'm a person where I would lose it.

29:19That game because there's sometimes where I go, what is happening? And then I get up and I go, this is most beautiful shit I've ever taken in my life. But it felt like a blow on out the side. It didn't make the noise of that. But it didn't have the funk. It didn't have the wish. The wish of a good bird. But it hits bottom of the net. But it has to be before you take the shot. I know. But this one I'm saying. Because sometimes I go in there, I go, oh, I got rumbling and then it's just a slide to the left. So I have this problem where I have the, a really nice, like the perfect one. Sure. Just comes out, you know, classic J shape. Yeah. It doesn't coil. Sometimes that feels exactly like a very powdery, like a bat, like I've eaten, I haven't had enough fibers. Yes. So that would trip me, that would be my Achilles heel. Right. Yeah. So, but you know, maybe that wouldn't even rear its head until the playoffs. I think I'd get by through the regular season. Every once in a while I have one that starts very thin and that's like a snow cone on top. It's like pointing at the bottom and then like I had like a microphone.

30:22What kind of fucking every once in a while. What kind of like a hero? What kind of ask? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like one scoop and you're like, whoa, like it started off nice and then got kind of squeezed out. When that happens, is it become painful? No. No, it's quite enjoyable. Is this a pass it? Yeah. I just, I'm like, oh, shit. I got constipated as an adult and there was maybe four years ago and since then I haven't forgotten it. I just, I got packed up there. Really? I was like, is it scary? No, that sure. My doctor thinks it was stress-related. Really? And then, you know what's funny is the, it was the 49ers lost the NFC championship game and I was trying to poop at half time, but I was trying to rush it because I was like, see hawks. It was when they lost the Rams and then the Rams won the Super Bowl and I was like, get out, get out. And then it didn't happen and then for the next three days I kept being like, hey, come on. Hey, come on. And then I started panicking. And it's when it's only a tip of your whole, too. Yeah. You can feel it and you won't come out. And then I was in Rochester at Comedy of the Carlson, just in my hotel like, come on.

31:26I was making that pathetic noise. Yeah, please. I was taking stuff and it wasn't working out. I was like, please, I took a suppository. Oh, you're telling me I'm your ass. You just get it started. You just let the siphon this shit out of your ass. And it didn't work. Like, sag a little. Come grab this fucking, this is the, grab a host. Grab a host, grab a host, sags. Grab a host, this is why you're here. This is why you're here. Don't worry about that. I've done that with JP Plenty. But what's funny is I kept drinking the mirror lacks, which is supposed to loosen it. And then I was like, my doctor was like, yeah, drink mirror lacks. And so I was doing it like pretty like, well, I don't want to shit while I'm on stage. And then I called my doctor on like a Saturday. And I was like, hey, it's still not, it's been four days. And he's like, oh, when I say drink mirror lacks, I mean, just every time you're done drinking a couple water, drink another one with it. And I did it. And the second I got home from Rochester, I was like, and it was awesome. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my life. What shape were we talking?

32:26There was no shape. Shape is, yeah. It was a mound. It was fun. I felt like Jeff Daniels in Denver, Denver. I was like, you're your caller. You're sitting on your shit by the minute. I was thanking God. It felt so good. I was going, thank you God. Oh, thank you God. I was like, alright, so that would have been a wild guest. That would have been a wild one. Chit list. We have to say, we have to say that for sweeps week. Dan's, Dan's soda is coming in here, pack from an energy jamming chip. Pack Dan to the brim. Sometimes I have like a stack of logs. Like it's like five big long log. Like at the end of a day, just looking at lumber. Yeah. We might lose people here. By the way, 2003 ALCS, I shit blood. Yeah, right before game seven, I went to the ER and they're like, have you been under serious stress? Are you watching these games? I mean, those were incredible. Yeah. That was the year they lost. You were thinking the season before they won. That was the year they lost. Yeah, that was where Boone hit the game before the Aaron the day, the morning of the Aaron Boone homework.

33:26My favorite story is where you were when it happened. You were out with your family, but your dad's reaction. Yeah, no, my dad, well, he was, it was a long game. It was extra inning. So my dad, there was like a back room with the pool tables. They were playing pool in between innings. And then Aaron Boone hit the lead off home run. Yeah. We all went, ah, reacted. My dad hadn't made it into the living room and he walked, he was putting his coat on and he goes, who hit it? Aaron Boone. And he goes, all right. And he had the keys. And we just walked out and nobody ever spoke of that. That's my favorite fucking reveal of the party. And then I was going to New York the next day with my buddy Derek. And we literally got in the car and did not speak with it. We just didn't have a conversation. We sat down. I know. But the idea of being so used to losing that you just put your coat on and you go, who did it to us this time? Yeah. It's so fucking funny. Yeah, it was horrible. And then next year you guys won it and then you became the best sports city. In the coolest way, Pops, that was the last time Boston were like the nice, lovable underdogs. Because I remember rooting, of course, you don't want the fucking Yankees to win.

34:27And that, that come from behind. It was so beautiful. 2001, you must have been, well, maybe not you, but most of America was rooting for the Patriots. I was rooting for the Cardinals and the Rams. Well, I'm a 49ers fan. We're not the Cardinals. Sorry, Diamondbacks and the Rams that year. I was a 49ers fan. So it was fucked the Rams. And when the Patriots hit the New England Patriots have decided to be introduced as a team. Yeah. You're a lot of spumps. Great. And then you guys became the most hateful. And then you guys won and kept winning. Then the Bruin and then the Celtics won and then the Bruins won and then you kept winning. Yeah, fuck. And then the Red Sox won again. And again. Yeah. Yeah, this is the ultimate. Baltimore has just been getting shit. I know we're getting our asses. And we haven't won since the night. This is our year, baby. Shout out to the mint man. I've given mintering you nickname. The mint man, Jesse Mintter. I'm having mint. Ooh. I mean, I'm worth shopping a lot of stuff. My breath is hot. My breath is so fresh. It's mint or fresh. That's fresh.

35:27That's not fresh. Mint or fresh is not bad. Let's move on. Let's see. This episode is sponsored by Blue Choo. If I was, you know what women want the need. And I'm not talking about the Mel Gibson movie, what women want. We can read their minds. I'm talking about a stiff, salt and salt. Be her rock with Blue Choo. With their new arousal boosting formula, you're getting turned on mentally and hard physically. Breaked in the brain, breaked in the body. Blue Choo Gold is better sex in a tablet. They combine four ingredients into one powerful solution. It works fast and last. Knock, knock. Who's there? Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, you know what I'm saying? There's a reason Blue Choo is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it yourself at bluechoo.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of Blue Choo Gold, you get the third free with promo code Stavi. That's promo code Stavi. You will also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order.

36:31Visit BlueChoo.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Choo for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Folks, it's time to soak up the last days of summer. And that means staying connected to what you love. Visible wireless can help you do just that. With visible, you get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon for just $25 a month. All right? Little unlimited hotspots this summer days. Maybe you're working from home, you get that hotspot going. You're on a nice little park bench. You're looking at the water. And that's what you're doing, your dumb little email job. That's the kind of stuff visible wireless can make happen for the low, low baby. So you could treat yourself a little extra before the summer ends. Couple extra ice cream cones. Maybe a nice margarito on a rooftop. Courtesy of our pals of visible wireless. Not officially. They're not going to give you that stuff. But all the money you can save allows you to then enjoy summer. You follow.

37:31You know what I'm getting at here. Switch today at visible.com. Plan started $25 a month or get their premium visible plus pro plan and save $10 on your first month when you use promo code staff. Terms apply. See visible.com for plan features and network management details. No, you're right. We've talked way too much sports for for the for the general public here. But you know what it's good. We have this is America. It's the first week of first week of NFL football. Like we said, Uncle stop is coming. Yeah. I'm happy it's coming out. I can't wait, dude. I'm so happy to be done. And just like, I don't just chill. Yeah, but how much are you going to be checking that Netflix top 10 list? I think I'm going to I think I'm I will be checking it. Fucking non stop obviously, but I think I'm going to completely get off my phone because I just feel like. The last time anything any when things come out, you're like constantly saying what people think. Yeah. And I'm just good. I got a brick. I love the brick. It's my phone is bricked right now.

38:31I can't get on Instagram. I can't get on, you know, I took Twitter off my phone completely deleted Instagram and Twitter and blocked Reddit. It's the best thing I've ever done. Awesome. But now I'm watching YouTube all day. Yeah, dude. No, I was started going I started going Spotify. I was like, what kind of new songs are there? I love it. I'm all photo. I'm in my photos and I'm in AP music. Yeah, I started reading the news. AP news app. I go, what's in local. Yeah. It's like, well, the thing. What I love at hot dog stand is threatening to go out of bed and met it just, you know, settled like 162 billion for whatever their shit is. But it really is getting kids addicted to social media. Yeah, I was just kidding. I was kidding, guys. He's kidding. Palantir Joe. We all love it. Yeah, that's so funny. I'm on my Palantir app all the time. I'm just watching. I'm just over here watching Floch cameras. I'm on my Floch cameras. I'm watching my neighbors argue. Katie, guys, what are you doing? I'm watching a car crash in Springfield, Missouri. I didn't have the right away and he just blew right through the light. Are you scared? I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

39:31I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Are you scared with Marty being an online guy? Oh, I believe his name. I'm sorry. No, that's all right. I'm not. No, it says him. But yeah, I'm not. Right now he's three and he sleeps in our bed and kicks the shit out of my throat all night. So I'm not there yet. So you want to give him an iPad. But I'm good about not being on my phone and not letting him watch the stuff. So we'll see. I mean, who know? That's the thing that's crazy. And I don't want to go down to dark. Whatever. None of us have any concept of what life is going to be like in five years. You're right. Responsibility. We also, I think like that could be scary, but it also could be positive. Marty's generation could grow up and go fucking social media, fried a whole generation. It was so we got to stay away from that shit. Yeah. If there's like the hippie movement but for fucking computers. But also, like, look at the pushback. That because you know, granted. The auto's coming out, and they're, like, we're not releasing physical copies. And then Sony was like we're done making physical copies for PlayStation, and the pushback they got. Yeah, was like, oh shit, my bad, because everyone kept going so you don't own anything anymore.

40:36Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just have a streaming service that's like, you can already generation might be like, I want to buy that. That would be nice. Yeah. Right. Luddites out in the forest. They could because also everybody's saying like Jen Alpha and Gen Z aren't horny. So what if there's a new sexual revolution with like, you know, and they're like, we're going to live out in huts, no internet. We're going to grow our hair long, beautiful, and we're going to suck and fuck. When he comes into our bed, we still solve these. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Put it on to the side. Yeah. You go watch this. Now watch this. Watch this drive. We're going to get you your pacifier. Now watch this drive. Yeah, he's cheering. He's like, good job, dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We take George W Bush right now. No straight up. No. Really? No, no, no. No. No, no, no, no. He's, he's buddies with that. Okay, no. No. I'm saying right now. Just George Bush. Hey, I'm fantasy book in this.

41:37I guess, yeah, I would rather have, have, have George Bush, no, Cheney painting in the Oval Office. No, take, yeah, stops. Bush, but it's my dick off and punt it. Yeah. George W Bush and Mitt Romney is the VP. How you feeling? I love that ticket. Yeah, Joe right about right. I mean, I don't you know, I want to finish out this term. Yes, I would go in the back jerk off to get a John McCain. Yeah, not 28. Okay, just finish all this. Trump steps down. I made him a great excuse me. Sorry. Yeah, W comes in mission accomplished. Trump goes to the resort in Albania. They're building to Epstein Island, little St James 2, Tirana. Yeah, but then they go they go to the fucking yeah, they go to the bullpen. They go, Oh, it's him. It's the touch stranger. Isn't he literally younger than Trump right now? Yeah, that's so funny. I will listen, we don't have to make it about policy, but is with mom Donnie,

42:38isn't it funny to see a politician who can play soccer? Like it's like all our politicians can't even like walk and they like start wars and shit. It just makes me feel like I didn't do the homework and he did. Yeah, that's all his. He's SGA president where he goes. If you did, if you did the reading and you go, I didn't do the reading. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just for sure, he has like SGA president and like does a film has a club does the student government, but I just mean literally it's funny to see a politician be able to run. Like no other politician. Not have the Clinton was the last big runner. He was running and Barry, he played hoops. Barry did play hoops. You're right. You're right. The Apollo had a great joke. You know, you're not going to like it. Now just get the get the scissors ready. Batlip basketball. And now we're cutting back in. Come on. No one sent the Apollo does not

43:39understand joke structure. I know what the COVID one too. That's my eyes. Oh, my fucking god. That one isn't brilliant. Yes, one that I was thinking about all the time, where it's like professors in college women for boy. He's very good. All right, we're back. And we're back folks. I love it. Best of the Apollo. Oh, fuck dude. Yeah. Where yeah, what else is what the hell else is going on, man? Are you not doing the rave? Are you not going to be like I don't think I'm going to be doing the spnt thing. You can't be Ronnie. No, it's just like how many times can you be like almost sex offender and I'm ironically racist. He's back guy. You know what I mean? I'm doing it off. It's just the same joke over and over again. There's no way to do it and be good at like interesting and creative about it. I think I'll still do the big games. Sure. And I obviously

44:40am going to do the playoffs. Well reactions. I'll do some playoffs. Yeah, I talk about playoffs. But yeah, dude, I don't know. I can't do it every fucking week. It just like there's nothing to talk about after a certain point. But I'll do it. Listen, maybe a little opening. Maybe this week I've done it because it's opening week and then the playoffs. But you know, don't get, you know, I'm not doing them every week. No Ronnie fatigue. Yeah, we're getting real Ronnie fatigue. But you know, I am excited. I am excited for the fall. I can't wait to get a pummel. You know what I mean? Getting the go to the cabin or some shit. Being the leaves. You ever leaf? Because the England everybody goes and I know we got a October like the leaf right now. God damn, I heard that one off the back. I was in the dugout grabbing double bubbles. I'm going to turn around. I was going like this. I got what do you throw? Do you see? I'm putting on my elbow. It's Steph Curry turning around. Yeah, I heard Joe hit that as I was putting my elbow guard on it. Oh yeah, that's

45:42that. Oh yes, I always forget you are. You're basically your your New England in law now. You're like you're married into married into the Boston life. So you go you guys go and hit a fucking little cabin and look at that. No, we do that just because we live in New York and that's where we got we got engaged at a place up in the cat skills. And so then just every year we don't do vacations. That's like the one week where we go away and there's no reception. Nice. But there is Wi-Fi. You're not a vacation guy. You hit the beach. You don't like to take your top off to you. No. You do you seem to yeah, I don't understand why I tell you right now one of the most things I'm jealous of you of is how comfortable you are with your shirt off. Yeah, and how positive your relationship with sex is. It's generational. It's true. He's kids. They know you know, you don't take your shirt off. I love taking my shirt off. He's got a good bot. Your bod's great. You're you have a sneaky good bod. Sneaky good. Really really. Sneaky good. I'm not for yeah, yeah, my stomach's getting a little out. I'm 44 now. I've brownies a lot. So I'm on the desk now. But my chest and arms. I mean, right? He's still got WCW body. Yes. Yeah.

46:46Yeah, even if even if you saw him. Look at those. Look at those. He's got those. I'll just have some baby oil outside. We just did a picture for the calendar. Oh, look at those fucking. And let me tell you what I am. I'm winner jacket. Yeah. I bet you if you took if you took your shirt off right now. It's not good. I think you just don't you're a big guy. You're a big guy. I don't like it. This feels like when Kramer shot George. Yeah. Is here a fun guy. You got nice pecs, but I can't see how did that go for George? Were you ever were you ever humiliated as a youth? I had puffed your nipples. Uh, puffing nipples. And puffing nipples. Little fuck. Thank you. They'll thank you. Also did not have like I wasn't like naked around the house. Oh, no father like around the house. No dad around the house shirtless. Well, you're dead. Much when you hung out with him. He must have been shirtless. Well, he was asleep most of the time. And by that, I mean, past the wheel of his car. Yeah. I go dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad. I'm not going to make my little league game. Oh, no, you thought that was the one his concern was because I can't wait

47:47to get you on a flight home. Uh, he was a, he lived near the little league, but it was I never like, it was always, you know why? Yeah, please. And this is just some real shit. I want to hear the I always felt like a guest in my own home. Wow. Because my mom was dating. Right. And so I always was like close. Right. Right. Right. Oh, hello. Hello, sir. Hello, sir. I can't mess this up. Right. Right. We're wearing jeans in your own home. Like sweat pants. Sweat sweats, sweatshorts, sweatshorts, shirtshorts, t-shirt on. Fun t-shirts. See, that's a good. So I grew up my father just like would, would shower and just walk upstairs and make it. Right. You know, and it would be in his underwear like just just like, I know. Well, that gave me. I just call it now. Well, you're that probably like, wear a full tuxedo in the shower. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, my dad. Yeah. I mean, it's shirt and tie to work, I guess. Right. And then yeah, he's, you know, that never wore sweatpants. See, that's crazy. No. No, so there's no lounging happening at the list household. And now he wears like pajama bottom kind of

48:52thing. Yeah, but that's almost like he's lost his mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's my marble. I was going to patch. He cuts his own hair. Oh, no, dude. We got it. He wears, we got around him up here. Yeah. Oh, no. All right. Boom. He hit it. Oh, he's back. Boom. He hit it. He's back in Korea. Yeah. No, nobody was walking around naked. That's fucking wild. But even, but there was no lounging happening or we were because I'm a teen at all times. It's kind of like, that's the 50s they asked it. That was like sweatpants. I was like reading a book about the 50s. And that was there like, oh, we're just relaxing. I threw on some jeans in the house. Right. Like, your dad's kind of old fashioned in that. Yeah. I guess so. Well, I always talk about this. When we were boys, men were all shirtless. Absolutely. Like every photo of my family hanging out to cook out, maybe around the grill, tight blue jeans, no shirt. Yeah. That's what you'd like sit on a summer day and then you go to like the socks game. You'd be at Fenway Park. It was just a sea of shirtless. I know. It just didn't even allowed. Yeah. Yeah. You're taking a shirt off.

49:54They're like, you got a few. Yeah. No shirt no service. I grew up opposite. Just never everyone had a shirt on. Yeah. I'm like, what's crazy is I would see my dad when I would visit him and he'd be shirtless. And he was cavalier about it. Right. But I never inherited that. That wasn't around him. Totally. And that we even felt that probably gave you a little, I bet you even putting your shirt off almost was like, would have been bitter sweet because you're like, I miss him. If my dad was here, I would just be on the couch with my shirt off watching football. You know. I feel like that about that and playing basketball. Really? When I'd visit my dad, we'd go shoot around hoops and he'd give like tips and I would improve instantly. And then we'd leave and I'd be like, no, you want to play basketball? I'm not really. I don't want to play basketball. Can I play football on fucking hardest shit in here? Yeah. Yeah. I want to hurt my brain so I don't remember stuff. I wonder what it was. I go, my head needs to hurt so you play me outside the linebacker. I'm gonna fucking rip you off there. It's like the water boy, but you're seeing like every guy you're

50:56was fucking. It's right. Trish, the TV isn't working. Like a TV's working. You just have it on the roll channel. My macho man. I go, you turned off. He did not mean to. Whose quake was about to fight? You know, brother. Yeah, dude, but also, dude, because this happened with Louis Katz. Louis Katz and I were hanging out and he was like saying something and I go, can I ask you why all the short Jewish guys I know or the horneest dudes I've ever met? And without even batting an eye, he goes, yeah, we have a positive relationship with sex. And he goes, so we're just like cool with it. He goes, all you Christians have this weird fucked up shit and you're not allowed to play with your dick. Right. And you're like, oh, as an adult, you hear that and you go, yeah. No, that's true. Because Greek orthodoxy is like no one is actually that religious. You go to Easter. It's mostly a social club. Like I'm even to the point where, you know, I like when I was in my

52:0020s, I was like, oh, or even when I was like a teenager, it's like, oh, God's not real. And I was like one of those like corny, like, you know, Bill Maurethius when I was in, in like college, like, oh, really? You think there's a God. Oh, there's a big man upstairs. Yeah. Keeping telling. Yeah. Here's a new rule. How about no? But then the older again, I'm like, yeah, maybe the shit is an I'm obviously that shit did not happen. So the lessons are good. Like you should live your life that way. And so I'm even thinking about like kind of just going to like Greek church. Here is one of a social thing. Here comes the Christian Griff. Yeah. Yeah. It's like and I just like so no matter what you believe, whether you're an atheist or believe in God, you should watch Uncle stop on Netflix. So check out our new podcast coming from the studio. Prayer's up. It's we're all going to be coming in and being grateful. Yes. With special co-host George W. Bush. No, Dick Cheney. I guess he isn't hell right now. But yeah, right. He should have all the good work he did. Yeah. But yes, that's because there was no real guilt. But yeah, Catholics and

53:05you just the other my mom was Irish Catholic. Even though I'm a Piscopalian, my mom was raised Irish Catholic. How's divided? Well, no. We ran. We went by her rules. I didn't have the you're an Piscopalian child living under Catholic rule. My mom got ex-communicated because she got divorced. What? Yeah. Some of these words are losing. Ex-communicated is like some shit that would happen like a medieval warlord. No, that's when you eat the fish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But the Catholic Catholics. Catholics kick you out. That's funny. Catholics kick you out. Catholicism kicked out if you got if you get divorced. No, still. There's no way. Yeah. Really? Well, this is my mom. Maybe it's having my mom living in sin. 1976. Oh, okay. Damn. And they're like, I'll just don't look it up or anything. Well, she got she was in college. You got married for two years. And there was like, this isn't working. I got divorced. And her church was like, you're out. That was to your dad or a different guy. No, different guy. Huh. And then her second marriage was my dad. Interesting. And he and then he was a Piscopalian.

54:09And she was like sick. And by the way, a Piscopalian is just Catholicism that allows divorce. Because literally a king made it up. It's the church of a man. Oh, that's the one where a Henry was like, I need new pussy. Yeah. So the so now we actually have it. Fuck the fuck the fuck room. Yeah. I got to get because I got to get I need a male heir. It legitimately was, I want some different pussy. It's a Piscopalian subtitle. Needs a new plus. Yeah. Don't be mad, God. I might be a Pesca Patelian. Oh, it's years. Oh, you get a fresh pussy every four years. Yeah. But I need some new pussy. And that was Samuel L Jackson in the upcoming movie, a Piscopalian. Yeah. Cause that was really funny because he just kept killing or divorcing his wives. And then it turns out genetically, it's the guy. It's the guy's giz that decides whether it's a guy. Cause women have both X chromosomes and a guy has X and Y. So if the man doesn't give

55:11a Y, it's going to be a girl. So it was all Henry's giz was girl giz. And he killed all those ladies because he had girly ass giz. He's got that fucking pink giz. But you got you, you can't be a Piscopalian because you got you got a male heir already. I got male man man giz. You have the heir to the very manly giz. By the way, Marty, when he introduces himself to kids, he says I'm Marty list. The people say, what's your name? He goes, I'm Marty list. It's a great name. It rolls off the fucking strong. It's old fashioned. It could also be like an ambulance chaser with that. Yeah. Have you been injured? Marty list. Marty list. Join the list list. Yeah. I'll put you on the list to fight for. Yeah. Here's a list of all the money I got. Yeah. The billboards driving. Marty shaved my life. Well, I got new in accident with FedEx and they didn't want to pay. But Marty list, fought for it. A door dash driver ran over my nuts and Marty list got me new nuts. Like the kind they give dogs after they did. Did he do a handshake? Because he got, hi,

56:14I'm Marty list. No, but he is a high five. He'll high five say I'm Marty list. He's very supportive. What a cute guy. He's a man. I miss Marty. We got a chill soon. Yeah, come over sometime. I can't wait. That's the time I saw Marty. He just had a fat book in his nose. Yeah. Joe's holding him against you see that book. The best thing about having a kid is you get double the boogers to play with. I'm rolling his book. Sarah's like grossed out. I love it. You get to call them like yes. He gets like fucking that's so fucking funny. I hate what you're saying right now. And I'll play with them for 10, 20 minutes. I'd almost rather you molest them. Well, they get those those goons, but they stick and they go. Oh, I don't know what you mean. Kid boogers. You know, I know it is. I play with them. I experimented with a guy in

57:23the house. Yeah, I kissed my roommate. I never sat this big. Yeah. I find it out. He's the throat down. I love I still love playing with the booger. In fact, most of the time, if people think I'm deep in reflection, I actually just I'm like you're playing really. I'm being interesting. I'm like this. Huh? I actually really hate that you divulge that information. I don't like it at all. I've known him for 20 years. And I don't like any of this. It's all in the privacy. I'm not sure. I'm not on the airplane. Well, that's my question. You ever publicly play with the boog? No, I can't pick my nose in public. But you go in the bed. You feel something. You go in the bathroom and I'm one of these guys. You're a man. That's worse. You're a man. I ended up in the trash. I grow into a nice one. Shout out coach. That's horrible. I don't have time for a fucking clean. I'm making deals. Yeah. The first time I saw a man do that. Shout out coach Barker. Yeah. I like to nail the farmer below. Yeah. And it was so cool. No practice. You go.

58:24And just went. Pooosh. Well Barker was his football coach. That's the same guy. Price is right. Yeah. They went on newtons. Pets together. Yeah. Folks. Fogs. Why was that his thing? Why did he love cutting a cat's nuts off? Not sure. I'm going to do what it meant of all the like celebrity causes. Spaying a newtaring pet seems pretty love. That guy animals from fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's let's stop him from, you know, getting a nice nut off. He was on TV every day for 60 years. He's like, I'm going to take care of this. This catch and dog is going to be me. Yeah. We're weird cause. Well, he's a weird guy. And I wonder, do you think he was fucking all the girls? Oh, he's saying yes. Yeah. I thought he was one animal too. Yeah. 100%. Dude, he was like the fucking 60s. He can just go like, did you shave your pussy? And then go like, cheer it Bob. How many episodes we're doing today? It's like two. Can I say it? And there was no HR. Can you, uh, can you go ahead and put the drop the clippings in an envelope? Yeah. Put them in my office. No, monologue. After pubes on my desk by five o'clock, please.

59:27monologue. We have had a tough day here. Can I suck your tooth? The best was the fucking family feud guy who just kissed you. Richard Dawson. Shout out to you. Well, we watch when we go to an Airbnb and they just have the internet. The family and there's like a family feud channel. Whatever. And she goes, uh, I can't watch the 70s ones. They're all drunk and kissing. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. She's a hundred. You watch every episode of this. Now you are married to Steve. Can you imagine someone just a guy kissing your wife on the left and you have to stake it? I didn't think of words. And you can't fucking up on TV on TV. Yeah. Like people are going to see you get cooked by the guy. And then they go, all right, what are five things a dog does outside? I'm not thinking about that. Yeah. And by the way, there's four channels. Everyone you've ever met is watching that episode. It's going to make the newspaper. The richer Dawson got quite friendly with Alice. It's really wild. And then it do daughters too. Yeah. You're white. You're in the front of the

1:00:28thing. You do the first answer. And you watch your daughter and wife just by the way, just crazy compliments too when you watch it. You guys. Yeah. You are filling out nicely. Yeah. And you're like, my fucking woman. You're becoming well. Some lucky young man's going to take this as his bride. That's what I'm working over. That's important for it. Yeah. I'm fucking good answer. Good answer. Good answer. Good answer. You're going to go, this is your wife. Yeah. Yeah. Three things. The clown is afraid of. Yeah. A big, a really big car. Hey, Rich. Hey, Rich. Could you, could you, could you ease up? Somebody had a joke like 20 years ago. I can't remember who. I think it was in New York coming to like they say ask 100 people a day. The show's been on for 60 years. Why have I never met a single person that's been interviewed? Right. But it's obviously making it up. Of course. They're 100 people a day since 1961. Yeah. We've never encountered someone's like family if you'd called today. Would you say things you keep in your pocket? You go, come, you go,

1:01:31like six people to the well, do you know anybody who's done like the Nielsen ratings? Exhibit? No. I knew someone that had a thing in their house for the rating. I stand corrected. And they thought they were king shit. They wanted to tell you about it. Of course, dude. You're a tastemaker. There's my friend in middle school as mom was like, yeah, we do the Nielsen ratings. And you're like, great. Okay. Nice. Cool. I think it's time for us to go from Richard Dawson, sucking off ladies to giving advice on the mind. Missed you might have I tasted your pussy. That's fucking weird. Hopefully we have some family feud related calls on the visible hotline. Elders, why don't we play some calls with our boys and fellas? Anything here at the midway point, you'd like to plug? Oh, yeah. Midway. Yeah. We just got going. It's been 15 minutes. Good life. A child. Stop. For a day. I have to choose one point. Whatever. We're at 1.75. What do I got? Oh, this week and Royal Oak Michigan. Beautiful.

1:02:33Uh, comedy castle. Love that club. And then I got a of October 1st to the third sidesplitters in Tampa. Great. And then, uh, and then Philly Helium. A couple of beautiful bangers. Two hundred and twenty-fourth. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Uh, September. I'll be in Hartford, Connecticut for four shows Friday and Saturday. I think that September, I want to say 18th and 19th. Okay. Let's see if I'm right about that because that would be pretty cool in this old resin-filled brain of mine. And the answer is I was right. 18th and 19. Hartford Funnybone. Beautiful. And then I'm going to be at a new club in Albuquerque called Kazadas. I'm going to be there October 2nd and 3rd. Dancoder.com. Fuck you. For all the rest of my dates. Truly two of the best comics alive. Go fucking CDs. Boys are the best. And watch Uncle Stav and I think this weekend, uh, because Nick Crow and Mike Berbiglia dropped out, I am going to be on a, on a some huge festival and like Mississauga opening for, uh, Malaney and Fred Armason.

1:03:35Sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those outdoor festivals. Those outdoor festivals. The great. I love those up in Canada. I'm excited. Very fun. They're outside and you go, how's this go? Every time I've done it twice. It's fucking awesome. Sick. All right. I'm excited. It will be the material on Uncle Stav. I don't. I was not able to write a new half hour and four days. Um, play us a call, little LD. Now you can watch ESPN College Game Day and select live college football games on Disney Plus. All day every Saturday at Nox for cost for Disney Plus subscribers. Now there's something for every kind of thing. Select live college football games are now on Disney Plus. It's going to be why. A limited sampling of content from ESPN is now available to all Disney Plus subscribers. Upgrade to a plan that includes ESPN to access the full ESPN on Disney Plus experience, terms of apply. Yes, it's Angus Maximus. This partner has one pound of hot sushi cooked to water Angus feet. It's more fish than a quarter pounder. The battle is closed.

1:04:38And for only 599 even regular juice can afford it. My dad got it. Give me that big old burger. Yes. The whole Angus Maximus only 599 is whole senior. A bill for a limited time of participating restaurants. Taxi not included. Not valid for use within a combo or in combination with any other offer or discount. Hey, Sawie. A long time with her first time caller. Hello, it's Dean Gets. Hello, Elders. I got a question about my boss at work. The work within for a long time, he's always been a really like soft, spoken kind of guy. He's terribly afraid of confrontation. Kind of difficult to work with. But lately he's been especially difficult to work with. And we've come to find out that he is going through a divorce. And the divorce is because his wife cheated on him. And they have a kid involved in their marriage. And he's had to like sell his house, etc. etc. It's not true.

1:05:39I feel really bad for him. However, he used to type a person who keeps all this stuff kind of bottled up. He doesn't really say anything to anybody or go to therapy or anything like that. And he's just always trying to got this super like fake, shipper attitude that everybody do kind of see right through. That's what was classic. And so I'm a little bit worried because I'm afraid he's going to have like a knee myself in Irene episode. What a movie, by the way. Underrated film. I was saying it the other day. Yeah. I mean, Jim Kiri Patani. It's unbelievable. His songs are so fucking funny. Oh, they're amazing. It's an incredible movie. An Irene episode where he's like Charlie and then something snaps and he turns into Hank. So I'm kind of trying to wonder like is there a way that you could talk to your boss and be like, hey man, like I know you're going through something or like recommend him to go to therapy or something because it's kind of like at this point where it's like everyone seals it on him and

1:06:42everybody knows that he's doing this like fake facade. But he's like clearly making mistakes at his job. He's clearly not focused and he's clearly just doesn't have his head in the game. So I'm wondering how do you approach something like that before you know, before anything happens? Like it feels like there's going to be a snap is what I'm trying to say. Interesting. So as a person approaching their boss, what's the best way to go about that? Thank you man. Have a good one. Approaching your boss, your boss got cucked so hard, you're afraid he might kill you in everyone in the office. Well, the thing is I never had a boss because I'm not a pussy. But I'm not a good car. Joseph Zone, man. Yeah. I mean, I think I think just expressing concern for him might go a long way. He might break down crying just by saying, hey, I'm a little worried about you but yeah, totally. I can agree. Just treat him like a friend. Yeah, I mean, I think what might crack him before he snaps is you going to talk? Yeah, or even going like, you

1:07:44can't you taking care of yourself? Right. Because when someone goes you taking care of yourself, you just go like, yeah, which is better than him being at the office and being like, and it's like, what's that? Yeah, one of those pops. But then the next thing you know, you're ready. You know, it's crazy. In your sentence, you use the word snap crackle and pops. That's beautiful. Shout out to Rice Krispies. I do want everyone to know I am working in here with Kellogg. He's doing his own in that podcast. Well, you know, this guy just turned out to be a fruit loop. I got to tell you what, look at your Apple jacks. Next thing you know, just turn you on the frost of many weeks. That thing when you do the Cheerio. When you guys dance under that con get 20% off all the Biscoe product. We're going to the big dog. We're going to the parent company. No, talking to this guy will save your life. Yeah, I mean, if he doesn't that I think it's purely, he says he's working for a while right? I'll just and I think it's

1:08:44yeah, you go at him as a like just as a guy. It's not a boss like underling relationships. Yeah. Like, hey man, you want to go get literally take him to Buffalo Wildways. It's the day. It's the day in cook joke about the guy shooting the office. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like don't but take him out for truly beer and wings like classic bro shit. You got to get you got to get real patriarchal with it, right? Yeah, yeah, it's just robonding. This is like caveman shit. Yes, this is like watch truly watch football eat wings and be like everything all right, man. And then like that's that softens him up. That's you put the ice cold butter on the counter and let it fall out a little bit. Then you come back, spread it out a little more. You know what I mean? He goes man, I was going to do this. I was about to kill everybody. Yeah, yeah, and then try the Parmesan garlic. Parm garlic. What an innovation. When Parm garlic wings came around, I'm 14 fat as shit and I'm going to fucking Thursday nights for two

1:09:45for one. Ah, some of my finest memories is a boy Korean barbecue for me was the one right away. Yeah, barbecue hit Korea. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my god, dude, I just remember barbecue fuck me up being in high school and like literally buffalo wildings watching UFC events. Yeah, yeah, when they weren't really training, it was like just the guy with the moat like the guy with the most who was born with so much CTE, it didn't make a difference if you got hit in the head or not. Or my favorite part was when they just realized like, oh, if you have any wrestling background, you can beat everybody. But this before that. Yeah, this was like, you're talking about when they were wearing karate geese. Yeah, no, no, it was like, it's like the Tito Ortiz era, the like Chuck Liddell Brawler. Mickey's 40s, where there's sponsor on the side. I mean, yeah. So my stepdad, we ordered the first UFC because it was in Denver. So there's a lot of local press. That was cool because that was the one where they fought every type of style. Yeah, but dude, it was why it was so wild. There's a guy with one boxing glove. Yeah, one box. They couldn't have

1:10:48both because he had to grab them. So, and the guy's getting hit and it was like great. I'm a boy rise up. You used to have a great joke back in the day about UFC was like they watched wrestling and they go, why don't we just do this for real? Yeah, yeah, they're once like, why would I watch wrestling? Yeah, awesome. They're really funny. I still think that. I think this possibly survived. But then I watched people like Dan. Yeah, but I used to their father so much and they watch wrestling one time when they were four. Yeah, and it was the old first off memory. It's I love wrestling because I love the theatrics. And I love my father had nothing to do with wrestling. Gary can fuck all the way off on that. You're right. Wrestling was my love. My stepdad wanted, we both wanted to watch UFC. And then I ordered it and I felt like a giant pussy because the second it got real. I went like, oh, nine years old. I was like, oh, whoa, oh, and I liked boxing, but for some reason boxing with the gloves seemed less barbaric than watching a guy. The first fun guy's shoes got kicked out. And that Ken Shamrock was in that too. I don't. He was in the first one. He was, he was, yeah, because yeah, hoist crazy one, the first one. Yes. But the first one of Fat

1:11:53Sumo wrestler gets kicked in the face by a Russian guy and a tooth flies out. And I looked at my stepdad and I was like, yeah, he was like, yeah, buddy, this isn't pro wrestling. That was all. They got to throw salt in his eyes. At any moment his friend will run in and stop. Yeah, yeah, the referee. Well, the referee had his back turn. That's my favorite wrestling thing. It's like, it's on the biggest screens in the world. Right. My favorite thing is how easy a ref can get knocked out for so long. Yeah, yeah. Just bump into him. And he goes. Missing a whole arena chair. Yeah. So yeah, maybe by the, because we had it on DVD, you have, buy UFC one on DVD and then watch it with your boss. Get him drunk. Get him drunk. I'll tell you what? And this is from two former booze bags. Get him a drunk cry. Oh, that's a reset. Yeah. That's four years of therapy. That's holding down your power button. We've got the red circle of. We're trying to restart it. Either that or yes, the fucking kill himself. Yeah, which drunk

1:12:54cry though. Yeah, drunk cries nice. Good luck. Sorry. This guy got cocked. What else we got, Eld? Oh, holy crap. Oh, no. It's not from the twisted adjo. Joe. It's the mother fucking. The mother fucking fucked up. Weird question of the week. This feels like Wayne's world. It feels like Wayne's world that you're drinking Pepsi. And now, Joe's another rebound. Like, oh, good God. Holy crap. It's time for them fucked up ass question of the fucking week. What brought you by twist and T? This is so funny. This is response. This is so funny. What's the fucking fucked up question this week? This is really hilarious. I guess love you in such a normal way. I have a question about this, a drink for both season and how to handle a little bit of a situation with some season ticket. Interesting. So my husband and I have been married for about

1:13:5510 years. We have two kids together and own property. And I mention that because that stuff in and of itself and the economy makes divorce complicated. And so the reason that we would be looking towards divorce is because he has unfortunately downloaded some apps that you would not expect a married man to have. Nothing has been shown to their ship. That really grinds my gears hearing about that. I bet this guy really grinded her down with his US. Yo, man, find out your husband's in the cock. Now, this is quite a twisted question. Now, this I'll give you that. Do you think it's cock? I think so. Yeah, you're right. It could because it could be tender. Let's let's let's oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Nothing has been said. The cold that there's just been conversations with people who say aren't me. One of those conversations did include him telling a girl about our season ticket

1:15:03season. And her picture from our season. Oh, my. This is worse than raw docking her. Your season twisted. This guy kept it way too mother fucking twisted. Cheating and bringing your shared season tickets into it. I look, I can understand. You slip up. You want some pussy. That's not good. Thank you, brother. I was going to ask you. I've made an ask you off. Like, is that twisted or is that straight? That's that that is under like, I don't think you should do it, but I get it. But the cheek to the level where you're showing the yard line view, you're like, look, we're at the 50 yard line pro exceeds. Take a big crazy. You might as well show our your TV in the surround sound. Yeah. This is what I watch my TV on. Yeah, you might as well like personal. That's so fucked up. Have your have your mistress meet your child. I can't see. That's crazy. It would let's let's let her finish. Well, about our season ticket season. So I picture from our season while I was with him last season. With her. So the

1:16:06thing is we're dealing we're dealing with it. But the season tickets are in my name. So this is a team that was historically really bad and then been very successful and is pretty consistently a part of the Super Bowl conversation. I'm a fuck you lady. Fuck you in your husband. Actually, I'm asking to just yank those tickets away from him. And I'm trying to figure out the best kind of way to get a little petty get back. Obviously none of this is healthy. None of this is ideal. Yes, it is. We do what we do with the life that we have. This is totally the things that I'm kind of considering here selling the tickets. Just outright getting rid of them. No, no. I'm a big fan that tickets are. No, you're hurting yourself. No, but little money back in the pocket never heard anybody option to taking anyone and everyone take a bunch of money anything that I could just have somebody with me. I'm making him stay home with our kids every week option three. He just

1:17:08to come to some of the games or all of the games, but I get to have the good time every week. Um, there are probably more options than that. There's probably an option where I I'm clear. React like an adult, but I thought this was an interesting thing, but you can help me find her. This is going to be your fun. I love you so much. Yes, I love you and all that you are. All of this. I love you no matter what anybody says about you. I appreciate you guys. Have a great day. Uh, this poor woman is so emotionally distraught. Yeah, I feel sad for her. I think Elder should fuck her up before he has his kid. Just, you know, yeah, I know that guy. I had a show that it that would show because it's what look, if you fuck, it's one of the Cheat on some with a podcast. That's pathetic enough, but the Cheat on someone with a podcast producer. Oh, that's tough. Getting caught by a producer. I never do that, but I don't think that would be pathetic at all. I'll just standing up for his guild. You're going to unionize all the producers.

1:18:09You know what we call them on their backs? We call them front of cameras. Let's see these front of cameras. Do any of this goddamn shit without these on camera rippers. Yeah. Um, this is tough. I this is sad. It made me a little emotional. Yeah, that's on me out. Maybe regret some of the things I've been making. Like, I got a girl in every port. Right. Of course, of course. I know that about you. You're a sex maniac. I think you bring it if the divorce goes through and you are divorced. What are many tickets she has? She has a full season ticket, right? Yeah, but what does that mean to? Oh, too. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Bring the new boyfriend actively. Yeah. Have first off, bring the funnest guy. Totally. A guy that will win over everyone around him. I'm the guy. Make out with him at the game. Yeah. Perfect. And then the next time you're husband, or he posts with you with a guy thing, like you have to, I don't think you're petty.

1:19:12I don't think you're being petty at all. Yeah. He, he, this is insane. I would rather someone send a picture of your, if I'm this woman, I'd rather this guy send his cock than the shared season tickets together because that's carnal. Yeah, that's all physical. That's carnal. You go, baby, I want to fuck. Here's my penis. You don't go. And then you do my thing. I love. I love. Now, how's there, but how can we be sure what she did to bring this on? Right. We're only hearing one song. You never know. Maybe she was abandoning her wife, Lee Doodies. Yeah. This guy could call back in, say, hey, the dish is a pile. This is the job. You're keeping it a little too twisted, right? Remote batteries are missing. She's got very loud opinion. Yeah. She sometimes reads. I don't like any of that. How about the balls to take a photo and send it to your girlfriend next year? What? It's a level of horny that I don't think I've ever been. Totally. That's like middle school horny. Here you go. RISK. I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever. Please, please, please, please. Please, please, please. Please look at this. Sure. Do you like this? I like this. Yes. Don't worry. She's

1:20:14fucking dead. Yeah. So clarify. It is like, it doesn't sound like he actually cheated. And it sounds like they are working on. I mean, you know, he was on the dating apps. Wait, didn't she say they're getting divorced or no? No, she said they were like, they're not getting divorced because of just the complications of owning property and having kids, etc, etc. And she didn't quite say that he actually cheated other than messaging. But he's on a dating app. No, I know. And also, it's like, do we even believe that? At some point, he might have kept it very twisted and got his dick sucked on the sneak. You know what I mean? Like, who knows? And I would say, it's such a fucked up thing to do this when football season is right around the corner. The air is turning. There's a nice chill. It's a romantic time of year. The fall. Swings me up. Well, you want to do a good marriage. What they like to do, crack open, get together, crack open a couple of twisted teas and reflect on how much you love each other. But what your husband is doing is giving away your tickets when he hasn't even gotten head. That's

1:21:16even worse. That he didn't even get sucked off when he's wearing his waist. If you would have gotten a universally great blow job and she's like, I'm a better part of Chief's Kingdom for my whole life. You see my seats. Yeah. That was crazy. Now, how did she read these messages? She's snooping. Right. Great. This one. This is going to be snooping. You're great. Great. Also, I want to know if she ever brings up the fact that they didn't call holding in the Chief's 49ers, Super Bowl, even though that Chief's offensive line was just mugging our entire front seven. Absolutely. That's a question I would like her to answer. That's a great, great question. I think, look, if this guy, if you caught him cheating and he involved the season tickets, minimum one year he has lost his season ticket privileges. I would go as far as, yeah, that's good. A full season, including. You have a suspension. And then depending on his behavior, the next year, we start to fold them back in and listen, all of us, Ravens Nation, Patriots,

1:22:1749ers, we can all agree, fuck the Chiefs. Fuck the Chiefs. But they are going to be good again this year because the universe is mean. Oh, you know what it is? He gets the tickets if like my home's blows in the air. Yes. Something horrible happens. You keep the tickets until they're bad again. And then he gets them again. I think that's totally fair. That season, they get him. He can go in their bed again. Yeah. They just kind of suck last year. Yeah, he blew his knee out. By the way, blew his knee out after they were already rather. Yeah. Yeah. But they were like still in the picture and they were like, yeah, but all my homies ate the Chiefs. Of course. Fuck the Chiefs, obviously. But I would say you just, you definitely get them this year if you're going to keep like, you have all the power here. The fact that she is like, like being demure about punishing her possibly cheating husband. Also, my turn them on. Yeah. If she's like, do I should I punish you? And he's like, oh, I'm going to. Please, I want to see you. I want to see you again. And can please let me watch it. Please, Mr. let me watch the whole scale. Please stop. I'm just a bug. I'm just a bug and bug.

1:23:19Stuff on my nuts and a raiders. Oh, fuck, I'm just a stupid raider. I was trying to raid some other bus. It's right me like a Bronco. That's all I have to do. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think you should be able to you. Here's what you do. You go to the games with like a very attractive gay man. Woo. Doesn't know as gay. And you take a picture and you bait him. So he's like, what the fuck? You're going with a guy. You what I did. You're doing it worse. And then you're like, he's fucking gay. You just gay. Fuck you. And then you and the gay guy crack open some twisted tees, slurp them down. And your husband can, you know, suck your dick as far as I'm concerned. And I would say think about divorce sister. At least this guy's on thin ice. At least don't completely, don't completely get it out of the picture. But he kept it much too twisted. And we're sorry that happened to you. It's so funny. But all of a sudden he's on thin ice tea and also fuck the chiefs. And that'll do it for us folks. Thank you very much. Also, it's really funny to the thought of this guy. Hold on. Let's let's fucking. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

1:24:26back to normal. The idea. The idea. You can say twisted. It is a great hat actually. It looks like a fan of the Joker. The idea. Yeah. Oh, I like fucked up. The idea of him messaging this woman like in his car, you know, he's parked at a Walmart. But then that stinger playing where he goes, yeah, I got a nice seat. And then it's like, that's twisted. And he goes, oh, fuck. I'm sorry, I'm horny. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm thinking about leaving my family. That is wildly twisted. That sounds like the voice from this is a deep cut. But let's get rocked by deaf leopard. Opens with do you want to get raw? I just you're a negative three years. I was. Yeah. Yeah. But I was listening to part played it. It'd be like, whoa. Yeah. Oh, I agree. Fucking shit out of that. Sorry. No, I fucked up. I got a weird text while you were saying that. And I just looked at it.

1:25:28Like sure. I'm gonna crush hold on. I'm enjoying absolutely Joe Bailey on that. Because Joe goes that. Then you look down he gets that fucking. If you heard it though, you'd be like, whoa, holy fuck, that's so true. Do you want to get right? I'm. Let's get. Let's get twist. Oh, that was the same thing. No, I just did a that generic. That is like a generic kind of like, you know, scumbag like radio. Yeah. The year listen to that dance. It's deaf leopard. Want to get rocked. Let's get rocked. Wait, deaf leopard or twisted sister? Deaf leopard. Okay. You're just thinking of twisted. I was. I literally I'm that's how fucking. Here it is. Let's hear it. That's pretty good. That's it. I mean, I haven't heard the song in 35. Yeah, but you know what? It's something in there. Good recall. What was the what did you ever like those what was the song going on when you were getting jacked off for the first time? Getting jacked off? We were jacking too. Either one. I got sucked off to the NCAA college tournament for the first time. It is like.

1:26:31I'm shining moment. Is that my mom's friends house? Then thank you for having an incredible answer to a really bad question. Yeah, I remember putting it on. I was cat sitting for my I was like feeding my mom's friends cat. I love it. So I just had access to this lady's house. It was on vacation. Love them. And then like the the girl that you know gave me a blowjob. It was like, I was like, oh, can you take me to this place? I gotta feed the cat. Yeah, and then I put on the TV and it was round like it was like the second round. It was like the round of 32. And we're like sitting there. Then obviously I was like, I did the thing where you're like have no games. You just go like try kissers and then gave me a pro blowjob. That was the first one. First one. Do you remember who was playing? No. No, but I remember going home and being like, we could to my mom's boyfriend be like, I could connect with you, but I don't like it. But I don't like, oh, that would have been awesome. Go home guys. Got my dick. I hope I hope 15. I hope one day Marty comes home and is like,

1:27:32Dad, I just got my dick sucks. I hope so too. Would you feel cool? If he tell you that, would you be awesome? Depends on the age. He's dad or 40. I'm Catholic. Yeah. 35. It happens. Yeah. Is he nine? I mean, if he was like, yeah, what's the youngest you'd be pumped to hear about? That's a good question. Maybe 16, maybe 16. 15. 15. 15. 15. 15. 15. 15. You know, I mean, I was smoking at 12. That's true. It is kind of sick. Yeah. Yeah. I think 16. Safe, though. 16 is nice and safe. Maybe if he has a growth, maybe he's a really big kid at 15. Who knows? But I'll tell you this. I got what was his name locked and loaded. Yeah. Oh, man. Thank you. That's so good. And I hope one day, either eldest is child or I hope somebody can see you. That on that dad. I got a blowjob. What was his name? Stuff like that is literally the only reason I hear stuff like that. I'm like, fuck, I should have kids. Yeah. That makes me want to switch my decision. Yeah. Maybe I can't talk to Katie. And hitting your kid with what's his name. He doesn't

1:28:35even know about what's his name. It's going to be the funniest thing in the world. Imagine you hear what's his name for the first time. It's like, but it's not funny anymore. Now the kids are very spiritually gender stuff. I think we were boys. You'd be like, hey, what are you doing? He'll be like, oh, no, it's a woman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He won't be like, can you imagine? Well, like, oh, that's great. I think it might. I agree with you that we're at a time now where it's not funny. But I think it will turn all the way around where it's like, but not in an offensive way. And like, oh, that's hilarious. It's like, that's not what I am. That's fun. Like it's like if he was gay and he was like, I just got it. He's like, what's her name? It would still hit. I would think. Right. You know what I mean? Like I think by the time he's around. He goes, dad, stop. Dad, stop. You know it's a guy. You know it's the guy. You know it's my boyfriend. You know, the junior. Yeah. Dad, help this junior suck me off. We did the snake eating his own tail. Yeah. Actually,

1:29:38I hope to be able to hit a gay nephew of mine with what's her name? He's like wearing earrings. Oh my god. I'm not straight. Oh, stop it. Stop it. I'm hope that that's a good, that's the, that's what progressive is. Those are the kind of jokes. Progressivism could give us folks. He just with another fucking little call, LD. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. It's destroying athlete, creator, and YouTube Maxar. YouTube Premium enhances how I use YouTube with awesome features like offline downloads. So I can download my favorite training videos before I hit the gym. So no Wi-Fi doesn't turn leg day into loading day. Plus, I get ad-free videos, background play, and so much more. YouTube Premium is like YouTube got some extra gains. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com slash premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime.

1:30:45Right now the juice can afford it. My dad got it. Give me that big old burger. Yeah! He hold, and this marks on us. Only $5.99 is whole-seated. A bill for a limited time in participating restaurants, tax on included, not valid for use within a combo or in combination with any other offer or discount. Bobby, baby, going on, Christine, dad, what are we doing? Eldish, what's up brother? So I got a situation on 27, I then helped in this 42 year old, the hottest woman I've ever dealt with, the hottest type of talk to. 42 years old. At the beginning, we create a stuff fun, that's curious. Then, you know, a month or two after, start going on little dates here and there, start going over, sending them to the night and month every other night. And now I'm just talking about, all the hair on hand with your mom, your family. And I don't know how to tell her, hey, I don't dare to date you. Why? You know, you're 42 without being me and things you go.

1:31:49I mean, that is my thing. So I was like, family, she's 42. I can't have my wife be fucking 51, my kids 20, I'm 40, because you know, but yeah, man, I'm not that bad. So break up with her, let her know, hey, you're a little bit like, you know, two old from me, but like, he's having fun. No, you don't, you don't get that. You fucking answer. I'm like, you're not really without that much of a dick. And then this one feel like, she's, like, she's not deep in she's old. But yeah, man, that's it. Love the pod, love you. That's what a fucking scumbag. Is it it's the hottest woman he's ever been, which she gives in sane head, she clearly likes him. And it's like, you know, what are the odds that I also said, like, sometimes I think like, I could date an older woman if she's still gonna die after me. I'm dying quick. You know, I would do the math of like, how healthy are you? How does she keep, does she stay in shape? Because you're thinking, well, I'm gonna outlive her, obviously. Women live longer. You never know. And this guy doesn't sound like he's healthy.

1:32:49No, he sounds like a fucking idiot for sure. You know what I hear? A young padworn. Yeah, absolutely. Because as someone that used to date older women, I've been in this situation. Okay. So hit us with it. Because when I was like in my 20s, older women liked me more than younger women. Older women were like, yeah, and also use carvers new car. Sure. Use car. You can get a better one if you go to the law. Absolutely. You know, oh yeah, an old school with some character. Oh my gosh. And also, and you go pick up on this. That's that head. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That fucking head. It'll make them look this anymore. But it's a rental. It's not an owner. You can't. You are, you're literally just gonna have to shut it all down. Exactly. And that's, and that's really the answer. It's like, you're sort of being ages here because you're treated different. If a girl, you're aged, that you didn't want to, basically, all the question is, is I'm seeing a woman who I want to have a fling with. Yes. And she wants to take it to the next level. Yes.

1:33:50You thinking that you can just because she's 42, be like, obviously, I still want head from you, but you're a decrypt by 10 years young penis. And then years, your fucking pussy is going to have cobwebs in it. I don't want to be. I don't want that crypt keeper pussy. Yeah. I don't. It turns out this boat. I became a saft one. I'm telling you no longer coming after this. Don't bust in your pants. You've got the best of it. The best of it is behind it. It's over. It's done. She just, by the way, yeah, you're gonna slap your dick around to that for the next 30 years, especially when you're old and you get tits like Joe and I, and you go, I remember being a young tight body older women going like, oh, you're so firm. That's amazing. Do you guys feel like there's a, do you think about when your sexual prime was? It's past me. I know that. But do you have like a moment where you're like, fuck, I was landed down. Dude, honestly, I think I had albums. Yeah. I think I had albums because I think like, dude,

1:34:55you know, you know, a three album run 24 to 27. We were like the stones in 72. And then it's like, and then late 30s, I put on a mature album that everyone went this trip down just you in a guitar, black and white. Put it, put it, put it rock. Yeah, yeah. Everyone went, man, and then, and then, and then now I'm just playing the carnival circuit. You're fucking, uh, who's the guy that they keep parading out there? Frankie Valley. Thank you, Valley. Yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking scorpion. I'm just, I'm just, yeah, yeah. Back you like a great, yeah. And, and don't forget to ride the Ferris Wheel. I'm still fucking well. I gotta tell you, I think I believe in my 20s. I wasn't getting laid regular. Right. So now I got some regular push. Right. And who's much older? Much older than this lady. My wife's 48. Right. She looks unbelievable. Nobody believes that

1:35:56she's that age. So, uh, you got at least 10 more years of this old bag. Yeah. 42. So you've got six more years. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yes. I think you just, this is just over, man. You, you, you, like you would have hoped that she'd go ahead. She just feels like every time we have like noodles in the fridge and I go, hey, these noodles from last Friday, Katie goes, go and eat those. Yeah. That's what it feels like we're telling them right now. As he goes, hey, this pussy I had in the fridge for like four weeks ago. Because I'm thinking it's still, see, we have different opinions here. I'm sniffing the noodle, the pussy noodles. I was like, oh, yeah, put a little sriracha on there. You know, put a little, spelled a little cheese in there, making you, makes some buffalo mac and cheese, cut up some fucking chicken tenders in there. I'm saying you can make a nice meal out of this. Treat this woman's pussy like a chopped basket. You know what I mean? And really, and really liven it up. Yeah. But I, I'm saying like it doesn't matter that she's older. You just don't want to date her and you don't get to keep fucking her because she's old. She's not going to be like,

1:36:59oh, okay. Of course, of course you don't see me as an equal human 27 and 42. That's what 15 year difference. It flips the other way all the time. You know what I'm saying? Also, older women do rock. Yeah. Yeah. I just think this guy, when you're dating older woman, it fucking can, it really, I've had some major regrets letting go some of the older women. So that's what I would tell you is, if you actually do like her, try it because there's been times where I nervously was like, I can't do this. And then like now, I'm like, man, it would have been kind of cool to date her for a year. Of course. Of course. And that's the other thing. Why don't dating doesn't necessarily mean like the fight. You might be, you might actually seriously date her and be like, you know what? Fuck it. I love this one. Like you can give it a go. But I will say don't do it because this guy clearly doesn't want to. And if you don't want to think serious, then it's, you just got to quickly get out of there. Yeah. Let it go on to a guy that will. Yeah. She's running on a time for real. That's, it's true. You're kind of, it's fucked up if you, if you leader

1:38:00on it, if you feel this way. Yeah. You're running the ball in the fourth quarter and you're down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? Come on. I can throw it. Throw the ball. Throw it. Yeah, dude. You just got to get out of there. And you know, I, my question to him is like, if the girl was his age, are you an appointed your life where you want a relationship? Is it just a general relationship problem? Is it just an old, you know, the age gap? Also, the whatever young girl he hooks up with after he's going to be a, that's a painful reality with those teeth are hitting that dick. After, after his foreskin gets scraped, he's fucking knocking on that assisted living facility. I don't care if you have to interrupt Matt. Oh, also has your dog's name. It isn't old lady's name. Yeah. Absolutely. He's fucking my dog. I go, don't let him up. The story of the transforming came out. What happened? What a penis. Go shot. Yeah, dude. So whatever. Let's do, let's do another one. And then we'll get these boys out of here.

1:39:00Yo, stuff. For a little bit of context here. I'm 34, living in the Midwest, small town, relatively successful guy, Mary two kids. Beautiful. My wife and I have been together. What if this is the season ticket guy? You guys, anyway, my wife's a bitch. I just met a girl. My wife was fucking around on the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, really is. It's like if you like pin your colladas song. Yeah. And they're going to start playing. She kids. My wife and I have been together. Mostly since high school. We were broken up for a few years in college, but whatever. That's good. But here's my question, man. So my wife, she just doesn't have any friends. And I feel like she holds it against me that I do have friends. And do things with them. So basically I have some hobbies, right? Normal hobbies for a middle-aged guy.

1:40:08I have like golf. I hunt and fish a little bit. But it just always seems to be an issue whenever I go to play golf or whatever. Anything happens. Like, oh, you get all this time away blah, blah, blah. And I'm always watching the kids. Well, I tell her like, hey, I will watch the kids. I will stay at home. Just go do something. Yeah. But she never asks. And she never has anything to do. I've tried to include her in like my friend group. But she hates all the wives. Oh, that's tough. So that doesn't work. That's awesome. It's just like from the beginning, constantly where she feels like once a year, I go off for one weekend on a boy's golf trip. That seems like when it always pops up. Like, oh, you got this whole weekend off. Well, blah, blah. And I'm like, go take a weekend. Go do something. But she just never does. And at the heart of the

1:41:10problem is she just doesn't really have any friends. I guess I should have mentioned her job. She stayed at home and runs a daycare out of our home. Oh, wow. I work for Jesus Christ, dude. You know, just a bullshit corporate America middle management job. We do decently find be like for our finances. Not really a problem. You know, and otherwise we're very happy. You know, our kids are great. What's your phone bill? Everything is a nice, snappy one to end the episode. It reared its ugly head a couple times a year. It's third day. It's really in the feeling about time leaving. Right. It's like I think we got it. Right. There's not much else to go. I mean, he set the problem. Maybe you're a long-winded asshole. You're white. That's what I hang out with. You know, you're just using friends wives tell stories like you know, right? For God's sake. No, he, man. I've lived this. I know how it is, you know, sometimes in the past,

1:42:15not now, my wife has friends. But yeah, it's tough. And it's frustrating. And you try to be like, come along, but you're hunting. The guy's out hunting. Come along is definitely not. Not the wrong way. The two you need to go do a thing. That's great. Go to the spider. Go to the fucking play volleyball together. Get, get, put in the effort to get hers. That's the answer to your friend. He's he nailed it. Get, get with kids away. Yeah. Get the kids away. Go do something. Also, she has a family member. A lot of times women that don't have friends. They have a cousin that they're close to. They have a sister that they're close to. Yeah, fly her in. Fly her out there. Just or do the thing where you go. Listen, this weekend, I'm taking the kids the eighth and the ninth. You're going to go with Tiffany. There's no, you're not taking no for an answer. Yeah. Just go, you actually have to make her go do it. Yeah, apps, I think, yeah, my I didn't consider that. That's an awesome. This is the perspective of fucking guys and actual relationships are not a fat moron with very limited life experience. But like,

1:43:18I would have said, hey, just you have to almost, because it sounds like this weekend sneaks up on her. I think part of it is like you kind of almost have to like portion out the weekends and be like, hey, I'm taking the kids figure out what you want to do now. You know what I mean? Like, I think there can be certain weekends that are like or even buy something for a take or to buy, you know, she wants to do a concert, get her tickets to go with her cousin or whatever the fuck. But if you say she doesn't have one person, that's a little tough. That's that might be a bigger problem. And that's enough. That's that I would say the fact that she hates all your friends wives. There is something weird there. There's not even one because just if you just do the math, these are people that you're friends with. So you like these guys. Right. And these are the women that they fall in and love with. Right. Which is a reflection of who they are. Exactly. So it's like, is it, does that and look, I get not liking even the majority of your significant others, you know, friends, right? I was surprised Katie likes any of my friends. Yeah. Yeah. Katie's the best. But, but like, I understand,

1:44:22but like, even in that situation, there's usually factions. There's usually like these two hang out and these five don't. And like the fact that she's the odd one out, to me says either she's, there's something wrong with her or there's something wrong with your friends. There is something to interrogate there as to why there's not even one wife she hits it off with. But I like the idea where you guys, because ultimately she's mad. She doesn't get to have fun. Right. So if that's a great idea, Joe, where it's like just now she might be like, well, what the fuck you get double the weekends off. But I think you can start. You can just dedicate a couple weekends and then say, hey, I want to, I want to have my weekend where I want you where I'm away where I watch the kids and I want you to have your weekend where you watch the kids. And then we're going to have another third type of weekend where we bring someone in and we do something awesome. And then listen, if you can sneak in a little like, and maybe you would do a staycation and you do like some kind of activity. Yeah. You like, I don't know, just off top of my head, like some bullshit

1:45:24cooking class, like try and do a cup when you have those weekends off, try and figure out something where she might meet someone. Well, so feel like these kind of relationships, which are all great and like natural and healthy. You met in high school, took a couple years apart, got back together. You guys have just grown into these roles where you forgot how to be like young and fun and interesting. You're 34. You still fucking, that's a great point. You're still young. So have some fun with her. Have an old school date week because it is fun. It's like, and sometimes I mean, this goes for all relationships. You just need to do that sometimes. Totally. And be open when the other person says it. Katie was like, we never go to the movies anymore. I was like, let's go to the movies. We're going to go see this weekend. I love them. And listen, and maybe look, clearly she's not into the shit you do. You golf hunt fish, whatever. Can you meet her halfway? Sure. Can you, whatever her shit is? Like, you know, does she like to shoot a Barbie doll or something? Yeah, coma dolls hair teach me how to cook a dish. Play. Let's literally what I said. By the way, I said cooking class. I literally did make us just joke. Maybe I don't know. Maybe see how good she is at vacuuming. Yeah, yeah,

1:46:29but I mean, yeah, is there some shit that you don't love that you can survive a weekend at the museum or like just some event she wants to go to some concert? I don't fucking know. But yeah, start folding it in with her having fun. Just make sure she has fun, even if you're there. And then just just be like, listen, decide that like four months in advance. Be like, I am going to this thing. I will take this weekend. I want you to watch kids there. You pick a weekend. You can even just be in the other room and watch TV. But we have to sort of eat because I think two things are bothering her that it's not equal that he gets more fun than her, like whatever, that she always watch the kids. And that she just doesn't have fun. And you need to rectify both of those things. And I think you start with what you're guys are saying date nights more shit that she's having a good time. You're gonna ask them behind you to ask from oh my god. I like doing it. We didn't go to high school together. I reminds me of when I used to fucking we were broken up you fucking. I remember when I used to wait tables and I would close lunch with another waiter.

1:47:34They would always get mad because I smoke cigarettes. So I go, I'm gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette and they'd be like, well, what the fuck? I don't get a bike right. And finally, I had to go like go look at your phone. I'll watch the section have seven minutes of phone looking. That's what I did. And that was like back when this is like oh eight when like smartphone game of thing. And I go go look at your phone outside. It's just I'll you know, you're not smoking. But yeah, go beat your dick in the bathroom. I don't care. And I think you have to do a little of that. And by the way, completely rectified. Totally. Because they were just like, oh yeah, cool. Yes. I yeah. So good luck. You know, I do I am very curious about this friend group though. I kind of want to know what his friends are like. Is she just like doesn't jive culturally? Like she calls it. And she goes, you have no idea about these bitches. Yeah. Yeah. They married a bunch of bims. Yeah. It's a bunch of some stepford. Wives shit. But you know, whatever. Good luck. You use some of that corporate America middle middle manager money to buy your buy your wife some nice stuff and some experiences. And you know, it's good that you're communicating at least.

1:48:35This guy's at least has this a lot of guys who hunt, fish and play golf would be like, she fucking nags me dumb. You know what I mean? You're trying to stop her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bitch. And you go, whoa, speed. Yeah. Yeah, brother. Good luck. Good luck out there. And thank you to everybody who listened. Fellas. Thank you so much for coming on for this. Love the new studio. Thank you. This is awesome. I love you guys so much. Truly, I wanted to have you guys on the the special release week because it's like you for real. If you guys don't aren't nice to me when I first moved to New York, my life is so bad. Like you guys were like like the lighthouse for me. When when you first move here and you get no stage time, you're not past anywhere. Like, you know, I was living in a windowless room. Eldest was doing much better than me in life, right? This is the kind of thing I had to deal with. And you guys were so fucking nice to me in a way that was like even obviously we all knew Bobby and we were like, we were like the Bobby coaching tree. Yeah. And you absolutely what it was. And it was the like Bobby support system too of like you guys

1:49:37been like, don't worry. You're you're actually kind of lucky. He's actually been to therapy now. You know what I mean? Like we were like, I remember calling you when you did 30 shows in like 30 days of them. And I go, I bet you're getting screamed out a lot. And you go, how did you know? Yeah. I go, brother, so you all played for this? We all coached. We've all ran a film room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like I remember like, I remember when when like I first moved and we'd pens had just come out. And you hit, we were driving to like you wanted to get specifically wolf nights. You remember that era? Yes. It was specifically in the low-rise side. We're living a story. Yeah. We're living in the road. We're living. Yeah. I'm like now I'm in downtown. I pass it all the time and I smile. Dude, I just remember being so pumped to hang and being like and also not wanting to think I was a bitch and like hitting the gas and being so high the entire hang and being like, fuck Dan, so everything. So I'm a fucking idiot. No, dude, I was getting crazy strong vapes from Colorado. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I had to put down and they didn't have them anywhere else and like and just

1:50:40like 2015 us hanging out in a story. Yeah, it was 20. It was literally 2015. Yeah. It was 2015. It was Obama was president. Yeah. When you guys literally took me under your wing helped me out so much. Joe, were you inviting me to your wedding? I was like, holy fuck, Joe likes me as much as I like Joe. It was literally a moment in my like truly, I, this is on purpose that I had you guys because I have all the guys and you know, we have a ton of people have been awesome to me, but you guys really held it down when I was like wanted to kill myself when I first moved. Dude. So it's crazy. I remember even I remember Nick opening. He was featuring for me at boss at laugh Boston. And we're driving back like Saturday night through the night because I wanted to you know, get back to the story. Yeah. And I remember him going, stop and I are going to do a podcast. And I don't really care about it. I just want the logo to look like come. That was literally what he said to me. I do. I do. And then the next thing, you know, it's like, come down to the biggest thing in the world. I mean, the funniest thing of all time. It was, but I remember him specifically

1:51:42going, stop and I are going to do a podcast and all I care about is making the logo. I know. I remember that. I remember that. I remember, like, yeah, Nick, what, like, because mullen, I met him, dude, when it was you guys are PC, right? He had, he was like truly. He was, he, his plan was, he left Austin was planning to come to Maryland to kill himself. He was, his plan was to drink himself to death in Baltimore. And I met him at the sidebar open mic. And he was, and I was like, I was like, I thought it was a new open micer. And I was like, this guy just started doing comedy and he's so fucking fun. I was like, well, I'm never going to make it. And then he reveals he had been in Montreal. He was already like working for like 10, they could start to say it's 17. And he was, and I was like, oh, thank God. Like, I was like, I thought, oh, this is how funny you have to be. That was the reverse of like, when I moved to New York and someone was like, John Mulaney's your age. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. But yeah, that was so, I mean, I remember that, that fucking era. And then Nick being like, let's do a podcast

1:52:44and me being like, dude, podcasts are over. Because I was like, I was like, Marin already did it, comedy bang bang, all this shit. I was like, it's never going to work. And then he's like, but what if we make it giz? And I was like, yeah, whatever, man, just let's fucking do it. And I was like, wait, we've been doing that for several years. Where are the come guys? These new guys come in and they take the come market right from under us. You fucked up not making it the logo. Yeah. Yeah. Should have just made it Tuesdays with cheese. Come on. Yeah. With pussy. Just days with cum stains. I gotta go. It's a good way. But anyway, that's enough reminiscing and modeling and the epitome. Uncle Stav on Netflix right now. Thank you so much. And just go see the boys live truly the best comics in the fucking country. We love you guys. And we will see you next week. Bye bye. Watch the special. Please.

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