2026 Update: Elyse

I don't know if you should be telling me that, this might be a conversation out with HR.

What are we listening to today? Speaking of the studio, today we're going to revisit

an episode that started with us sitting around in the studio. It's called a lease.

Yeah, of course. I love this episode. It's a really good one that came to us as you'll hear in

a unconventional way. Yeah, we were trying something new. We were trying to do a

college show, but in our case that basically failed. But it succeeded because we wouldn't have had

this story without it. And we have a check-in with Elise at the end about what's happened since,

and truly some of the wildest updates, I would say, of any of these update conversations.

Yeah, I know. You have a tendency to skew towards clickbait, but in this case, it's true. It's very

eventful. Yeah, what else is there to say? To quote Jay-Z, what more can I say?

Hello? Yeah, okay. I thought you left the studio. Yeah, let's lean back.

Let the story unfold. And let this story take us away. Oh, but before any of that,

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Hey, how is it that a seal keeps balls on their nose?

No, no. I have something serious.

It's a hard work to throw a treat in the house and I've got to paint the door. So

You're painting the door to your house?

Yeah, so it paints the door red. It's going to be very nice.

But you know what a red door symbolizes, right?

No.

You're kidding, right?

That's how sailors would know they would have them down by the view pool. They would

be able to know where they can make whoopee for for money.

What's the thing?

I was like, sorry.

Who's that?

It's my neighbor.

Could you ask him about the red door?

Zach?

The red door.

From Gimlett Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight.

Today's episode, Elise.

So now what happens there?

Does it call?

We'll see.

Oh boy, get ready for...

A while back, my producers and I decided to try a phone in episode.

Larry King, Rush Limbaugh and other Goldstein-esque personalities had found

success with them.

So why I wondered, from the depths of my ignorance, couldn't I?

And so, full of hubris and hope, we open the phone lines and invite the whole

world to call in with a small moment from their past.

Something to revisit and resolve all during the course of a five-minute phone call.

This is why I got into this business, the, you know, the feeling of live radio.

As I'm to learn, the thing about a phone in show is that you need people to phone in.

And nobody is.

How's everyone's day?

But just as I'm starting to wonder if Gimlett Media has forgotten to pay its telephone bill again.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, we have a company?

No, we're answering.

All right.

Hello, this is Jonathan speaking.

Hi, Jonathan. How's it going?

It's going okay. Is this, uh, what is, what's your name?

Elise, this is like, you know, it's the first I got through.

This is so exciting.

I guess you really lucked out.

Elise is a long time listener, first time caller from Washington DC.

And as it turns out, her call proves not only the first of the day, but also the last.

And this is not just because we don't receive any other calls.

It's because I'm completely drawn in by the story Elise tells me about herself and her dad.

What's his name?

Billy.

Billy?

Yeah.

Um, so I guess I basically am estranged from my father.

When Elise was a kid, Billy was the fun parent, the one who always had hours to play with her,

the guy who, in spite of being something of a macho man,

gave himself over to playing beauty salon, even allowing Elise to paint his toenails.

Before the estrangement, Billy and Elise were really close,

which is why not having any relationship now hurts the way it does.

He was my dad.

Like, our idea of a family vacation was to like show up in a country with no plan and like

rent a car and just like drive around and it was amazing.

Like, that's what, that's what life with dad was like.

It was like, every day was an adventure.

Even the way Billy and Elise's mom was like something out of a movie,

the first act of a film noir.

Billy was an Englishman driving through Chattanooga on a tourist visa

when he got into a terrible car accident.

And the physical therapist assigned to him was Elise's mom.

Billy was still in a wheelchair when he talked her into sneaking him out of the hospital

for their first date.

Pretty soon after, they got married and had Elise.

Billy never went back to England.

Instead, he stayed with his family in Chattanooga and became a successful used car salesman.

I have a lot of things in my upbringing and life with him to be very grateful for

in addition to all of the craziness.

In reference to her dad, Elise brings up craziness a lot.

Like the crazy way Billy ruined her credit by opening a business in her name,

or the crazy time he drove home, a brand new car, only to have cops come looking for it with

their guns drawn, or the crazy way he destroyed his 24-year marriage with a series of affairs.

There's one Christmas where he bailed on the family, only to spend the holiday with another woman.

And for all of these things, no matter how jarring or painful,

Elise has found it in herself to forgive her father.

But there's one thing she hasn't been able to forgive.

About five years ago, he moved out of the country without telling us.

Us is Elise and her mom.

Elise's parents had been married her whole life,

but had recently separated around the time of his disappearance.

Her last good memory of her dad is watching him wave from the crowd as she crossed the stage

at her college graduation. Days later, he disappeared.

And disappeared is the word for it.

Elise says that when she went over to his house, she found food rotting in the refrigerator,

and all the furniture still there.

For a week, Elise had no idea what had happened to her father.

And then, she received an email.

It simply said he'd begun for a little while, and that email was the best way to stay in touch.

There was no further explanation.

The next time she heard from him was on her birthday.

Six months later, a Christmas note.

And that's more or less been the pattern for the last five years.

On holiday is in my birthday and just like that.

Here's emails are very short, like three sentences are less sort of

happy whatever holiday it is. I hope you're well. Love dad.

At first, Elise tried responding. She'd express some of her pain and anger

in hopes of provoking a more substantial dialogue.

But Billy would refuse to engage.

So after an email pressing her father for answers, a few months would pass with no response.

And then an email would land in Elise's inbox, wishing her a happy whatever holiday it is,

and hoping she's well. Love dad.

As though nothing was ever expressed, and nothing was ever asked of him.

Eventually, Elise stopped responding to his emails entirely.

We don't have a mailing address for him.

I don't know if it's on the bar like the only connection I have to him.

It's a concussed email address.

Do you do know where he's living?

He's in the Philippines. That's all I know. My mom has a pinpoint.

It's like a region, but like there was ever like he never told me where he was going or why he never

he never explained why he left.

And this is what Elise wants, an explanation for his departure, an emotional honest conversation

where she can ask him why and what happened because in the five years since she last saw him,

a lot has happened. He started in his family. He also has like a wife and a kid.

And then he actually named his new daughter. My name.

Elise. Oh my god.

I just find it so insulting. It's just such a transparent replacement.

Like I move to a country and like made a new you.

So when people search for Elise on Facebook, the first result it comes up is new Elise

and the page Billy made for her.

Which means old Elise is forced to constantly explain that this is her dad's new daughter

from his new family, who also just so happens to have her name.

Like you just want me to like love him and be happy with him again.

But the elephant in the room is that he is living mysteriously somewhere for half a decade

and we've never discussed it. Elise feels like she and Billy are living in two different

realities. She and the one where her father abandoned her and he and the one where he did nothing

wrong. She wants her dad to validate what she's seen and felt to understand.

Otherwise, how can they move forward? Are you wanting to have a relationship with him?

Part of me is because he's also, he's like diabetic and like he's just kind of old and sick

and might die and I might never know. He's 65 and possibly working a very physically

taxing job. She was looking on a contingent shift when he first moved over and I've been

passively choosing the route of not having a relationship but the fear and the guilt gets

worse with time. And what would what would pursuing a relationship look like?

That's what I'm trying to figure out. It's like yeah I mean he's my dad and he's

I feel like he's trying to maintain a relationship with me and I just don't know

how to work past it. I know I can sometimes come across as something of a meddler

but I only decide to get involved in the business of upturning people's entire lives after hours

sometimes even days of careful consideration. But then I've never hosted a call-in show before

and so a journalized by the single flashing light on my switchboard and the imperial perch of my

slightly elevated swivel chair I dive in. Would you want me to call him up?

And I say this by the way like with the the idea that this could be a terrible terrible idea.

I'm not championing this idea. This could be a stupid idea.

It's better than any of the ideas that I've had for the past five years so

yeah I think I think it would be helpful.

My idea is to serve as Elise's emotional advanced scout to call up her dad and see if he might

be ready after all this time to talk to Elise and offer some answers. Given what Elise has told

me about her dad I can't say I'm optimistic about that but then again I can't say I'm optimistic

about anything. No one's going to call anyway so no this was a good call-in show.

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And so it comes to pass that I email Billy.

As I wait as a response I imagine various scenarios. Maybe Billy will treat me like a student

loan officer. Sorry sir, you've got the wrong Billy, he might say. Or perhaps he'll try to

convince me I have the story all wrong that at least in her mom are the real villains.

After a week and a half I finally hear back from Billy and his actual response is more

surprising than any I might have imagined. It's just a simple note apologizing for the delay.

Billy explains it's the rainy season in the Philippines and it's been messing with his internet.

But he says he really wants to talk to me. To be honest with you he writes,

you were the only hope I have of communicating with Elise.

Oh hi, this is Jonathan Goldstein speaking.

Hey Jonathan, it's a terrible evening here again thunder and lightning as I told you rainy season.

So but anyway so Elise contacted you.

Although Elise's last memory of her dad was at her graduation ceremony,

Billy has a different final memory and as he describes it it was one of the most painful moments

of his life. He was in the midst of the separation from Elise's mom.

I was walking out of the garage carrying the box and he continued straight into the house

from the driveway and he leaves was in the dining room. Well when she saw me she darted

back into the living room and kind of hit herself so I couldn't see her.

But I know for a fact that she saw me because we made our contact.

I get that this had to have been painful for Billy but as Elise is interlocutor I tell him

this isn't about his pain. It's about his daughter's pain in her anger and if they're to speak

he should be prepared for that. I can't imagine that something Billy wants to hear

and I'm worried how he'll react as far as her feeling anger on her mother's behalf.

That I can assure you is completely understandable.

Once again Billy has managed to surprise me.

I basically couldn't have bluntly shittled over that woman on many occasions.

He was one particular Sunday morning that she was out cooking breakfast and the phone rings

and there's a woman on the phone and the woman says hey this is Angela can I speak to Billy

and my wife said well who are you and she just opened me. Oh she said well I'm his girlfriend.

Do you imagine a wife getting a phone conversation like that on a Sunday morning in the middle of

breakfast saying I'm your husband's girlfriend.

If Elise broke this that with you I can assure you that there's a gongol word that she says

is accurate and if it's not a really ugly picture she's left something like because trust me it's

a really ugly picture but there's absolutely nothing that I won't be completely honest

and I open the bell. I have absolutely no problem discussing anything with you.

After hearing everything Elise had to say about Billy's unwillingness to own up

his refusal to engage I was expecting the worst but Billy seems genuinely remorseful,

apologetic and even eager to hear his daughter out. He tells me he kept his distance out of fear

that Elise didn't want to hear from him at all but he thinks about her all the time.

To me because to me that means she wants to get a relationship back and that is desperately what I want.

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Elise, hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. I've invited Elise to my office in Brooklyn so that we can

call her father together. It will be the first time in five years that Elise hears Billy's voice.

How are you feeling? Very nervous. You are? Yeah. Do you want some coffee?

Nothing comes the kishkas better than a nice cup of coffee. Elise declines and we settle in for some

small talk while I set up the call. As we chat I'm struck by Elise's cultural sensitivity.

Wasn't it Canada Day recently? In what? Happy Canada Day. Thank you. I fumble around incapable of

an appropriately reciprocal well-wish. Hmm. We're three days after Canada Day so that makes it the

third, maybe the fourth of July? Nah, I got nothing. I tell Elise about my conversation with Billy.

How remorseful and open to talking he seemed. She's still worried but says she wasn't even

expecting things to progress this far. I'm very surprised she spoke to you. I'm very surprised

she was candid with you. So that's a positive? Right. And that's a change. Yeah. So do you want to

show me try this? Sure. Make the call? Yeah. So it's Monday, six in the evening so it is six a.m.

In the Philippines. It's really? Yeah. Well, let's try him. Okay.

Hello. Is this Bill? Yes. Hi, Bill. This is Jonathan Goldstein speaking.

Hi, buddy. What's going on?

Hello. Well, I'm here with Elise. Hey, dad. Hi. Hi, honey. How are you?

I'm good. How are you? Anything is good to send. That's good. I'm glad that you were approached

Jonathan. Any communication that we can get. I think this is really good.

Yeah. I'm sorry. It took such a long time. I just. Okay, honey. I understand you have

used to work during problems and lessons weren't wrong to walk the wrong

and left here 100% by phone. But if you think back, we shared a lot of great times.

But Elise isn't here to talk about the great times. She's here to talk about the bad times.

In fact, she's written up some notes to make sure she doesn't leave any of her feelings or

questions unsaid. The notes are in her hand, but she isn't looking at them. Instead, she speaks from

the heart. Okay. Um, I have thought about emailing you back. I've just been so angry that I

didn't think it would be productive. And like, I have just wanted to like like yell at you

or cry or cuss you out for leaving and not explaining anything. But I don't feel that like

intense anger anymore. And I am sad that we don't have a relationship like we used to.

But I feel like every time I let you back in and I forgive you for whatever has happened before

you end up just breaking my heart again. And I, I do find it very insulting that you gave

another child my name, my verse and last name. Um, and I, I don't know, I don't know what

relationship we're going to have in the future. I just, I had to sort of forget some of this

out for any of that to be possible. Okay.

Billy is silent for a while. When he finally does respond, he skips right over the big question

about his leaving with that explanation and focuses on the second question instead.

The question of Elise's name. Well, um, I can tell you that it was her mother who loves the name

Elise. I should have confessed it and said no, you know, literally think this one, but I

didn't allow you to be honest with you. And I should have done the Filipino culture and the

Filipino thinking is different. I'll give you another example. One of your favorite dogs

was Charlie. Okay. I've never owned a German ship over here, but we had a dog that

because of the stories that I tell what they call the dog John. By the look on her face,

Elise doesn't seem reassured by the fact that like her, Charlie, the beloved German shepherd

from her childhood had also been replaced. Although I haven't been to the Philippines,

it feels as though Billy is throwing an entire country under the bus to save his own hide.

In the silence, I try to bring things back to what I think is Billy's strongest suit. His seemingly

renewed capacity for repentance. I want Elise to hear what I heard in Billy during our first

conversation. So I try to steer things in that direction. Bill, um, you know, you, you, you,

you mentioned, um, feeling regret. What would you do differently if you had a chance to,

to do things over when we, I don't, I don't think that the final outcome will change much to be

honest with you, but I should have called for a family meeting and I should have gone over it

in detail with times and dates and plans.

A family meeting about leaving your family was not the do-over I was expecting.

After having heard the level of Old Testament shamey to express than our first phone call,

I'm surprised that Billy's now talking in the language of meetings and launch dates.

Elise stays down at the floor. She looks at me. Billy's not giving her what she needs.

So she puts it to him as directly as she can. Like you have to understand that you just

disappeared and I had no context. Like I want to know what you were thinking when you left and

like why you left? So like, what happened?

Well, um, there are lots of things that I would like to explain to you that you're

dogging while leaving.

Is that I'm here? I'm listening. If there's anything you want to say.

Well, they were several, several things that happened.

Elise, it's a long story that I would like to explain to you step by step.

Got kind of a runny busy schedule today.

Is there any like brief overview?

Yeah, honey. I can answer your questions or have an explanation.

And then for what happened and I would be more than happy to explain it to you in detail.

But then nothing.

The conversation goes round and round. Billy reassures Elise that he has explanations.

Explanations of every length and level of detail. It's just that he never actually shares any.

Is there anything you've wanted to say to me?

They won't be a question, but you'll ask me that I won't answer.

Like right now, you're just telling me that you're going to tell me like, do you have anything to ask?

Billy likes to talk about talking about hard things, but not actually talking about them.

Still, Elise keeps pushing.

I understand that it's very painful for you, but there have been so many times when we've

just glossed over insane things that have happened. Crazy things.

I understand that there's got to be explanations for things to put aside and actions to put

clothing and things to put on. And then when all of that is done,

and Elise has asked her last question, and I have told her every single thing that I want to tell her.

Billy's not making any headway talking about the past, so he turns the conversation to the future.

I'm really hoping that before I do actually leave this place,

and I get to see you that reached one more time.

I don't want to go, but I see you again. I really don't.

Yeah, I don't, I don't want that either.

And with that, Elise's hands fall into her lap.

As an interlocutor, there isn't much for me to do. Elise hears what Billy is saying,

and not saying, and she doesn't need any help to understand.

So I do the only thing I can. I sit beside her, commiserating with raised eyebrows and puzzled

looks, saying without words, I see the same things you do. And it's not you.

For the rest of the call, Elise stays quiet and allows Billy to talk,

though it feels as though he's mostly talking to himself.

When Billy tries to push away the past while cowering from the future, the present

takes hold. The one Billy can't deny.

Okay, just one minute. One of the phone.

I know I'm totally, totally responsible for, and

I'm confused. But if there are any other explanations that I should give to you is,

I will be more than happy to spend my evening starting to explain that to you.

Billy promises that that evening he'll send Elise an email, an email that will explain everything.

But it never arrives, not that night or the next or any night in the months that follow.

I will email you later today. Okay, Elise?

Yeah. Okay. Elise, thank you. I really appreciate it.

Okay, Bill. Well, have a good rest of the day.

Yeah, thanks for, thanks for talking, Dad. I appreciate it.

Okay, have a great day, honey. You too.

Thank you. Bye.

Okay. How are you doing?

Once we're off the phone, Elise and I go over what just happened. She tells me she felt steamrolled.

I tell her that I felt it too. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to get out of it.

I don't think that everyone gets sort of a equally agreeable, compromised ending.

But for a long time, I felt like the burden of us not having a relationship was on me

because he would email and I would never respond. That was kind of the end of it.

And I feel like now that I have tried to contact him, like the burden of us not having whatever

relationship I think we should have is not as much on me. I feel a lot less guilt now.

We'll never be as close as it sounds like he wanted us to be. I don't think that's likely.

And like, maybe it's okay that I don't push for that.

I think he creates his own universe. Like, I lived. I was a permanent resident of like Billy

World for a number of years and I was glad to get off the ride. Like, you don't get to live in

the universe that you create and expect it not to affect other people.

And other people have been affected. In recent months, Elise has been corresponding with a

British man named Martin. And Martin was able to help Elise answer the question of why her father

left in a way that Billy himself couldn't. Martin believes he's Billy's son, born before Billy

left England for Chadenuga. So unlike Elise, Martin grew up without a father because like Elise,

one day without warning, his father left, moved to another country and started another family.

And from what Martin is saying, he's not the only one. There's another man living in England,

he tells her, who also believes that Billy is his father. The two of them have been trying

to reach Billy for years. In fact, it turns out that Martin and Elise have brushed against each

other before a long time ago. When Elise was growing up, she remembers the home phone ringing,

usually around the holidays, and a young man with her father's accent on the line asking to speak

to Billy. Back then, Billy said Martin was a distant cousin. And all these years later,

Martin still feels like he's being pushed away. He just wants Billy to acknowledge him.

In learning about Martin and her other possible half-brother, how her story has repeated itself

over and over, Elise has found the answer she needed. The answer Billy himself was never able to

give her. It isn't about her or about Martin or anyone else. The reason Billy did what Billy did

is because that's what Billy does.

Martin and the other possible half-brother are planning to take a DNA test, and they'd like Elise

to take one too. If their DNA matches hers, Martin says it's all the proof they'll need.

Billy will have to accept them as his own. When I talk to her on the phone about it later on,

Elise says she isn't sure a DNA test will give Martin the thing he's looking for,

but she does want to help. Knowing how much I wanted closure, it would definitely be good to be

able to provide him some. So the next time she and Martin speak, she'll offer him this.

Whatever relationship you have in your head that you want with him is probably not possible.

And like I can confirm that you're genetically related, but that doesn't guarantee that he will be

a presence in your life in a way that you want, because he is not able to do that for me.

In other words, Elise will tell Martin, I see the same things you do, and it's not you.

A few months after our call with her father, Elise and I check back in.

She tells me she still hasn't heard from Billy, but she suspects that around the holidays,

like always, she'll get that three sentence email. And when she does, this time, she'll write him back.

Happy whatever holiday it is. She'll write. Hope you're well. Love Elise.

So that the furniture is returning to its goodwill home.

Now that the last month's rent is gaining with the damage deposit, take this moment to dissolve.

If we mentor, if we try, we're felt around for far too long.

Elise. Hi. How are you? I'm doing well. How are you?

Good. Do you have another room? It's, it sounds very roomy, which is a good quality for a room,

normally. But not for recording. Let me um, I'm going to go, I think sitting on the floor in our

closet might be. That's the spirit. It's going to take me a second to be located. So just,

totally take, take your time. This is a very big thing that I'm asking of you.

She hold on. Don't put her in the crate because that's where I'm going to be.

Okay. Can you hear me now? Yes. Thank you. Thank you for your indulgence. Uh, who were you

explaining to that you were headed for the closet? Um, he actually was thinking about it. It's been

like eight years since we first chatted. Yeah. When we first chatted, I had just started dating him

and he's not my husband. Oh, cool. And sorry, one last unrelated question. Um, the

creating was that a dog you were talking about? Um, yes. Thank God. Okay. How are you?

And good. Um, I have, I have a number of updates about dad. Oh, yeah. Things have transpired.

So there was eventually a younger sibling in the Philippines from a different woman.

Wait, sorry. Wait, we're talking about little at least. No, there was another one after that.

Oh, wow. Okay. And she was the last woman he took up with romantically, um, was younger than me. Her

name is Faith. How did you learn about this development? Have you and your father been in touch?

Very little like birthdays and Christmas kind of thing. Yeah. Maybe even less frequent than he had

been doing beforehand. And then at some point between then and 2024, I can't remember exactly when

his lack of legal immigration status in the Philippines did eventually catch up to him.

And they put him in prison, like in detention, essentially for a couple of years.

Um, for a, he was in prison for a couple of years. Yes. In the Philippines? Yes. Wow. I

doesn't, doesn't even make sense. I mean, I don't know anything about Philippine law that,

that being there legally would have been enough to put a person in prison for two years. Do you

think maybe there's more to the story? I think it's very possible because I, I feel like

I remember Faith saying to mom that he was getting charged with like additional other things that

she was so sure he didn't do. And me and my mom were like, it's much more likely that he did them.

Wow. So how old a man was he at the time that they were that he was sent to prison?

Probably in his 70s at that point or like just close to you. Then eventually they did

deport him to Guam. Um, he eventually ended up in Thailand. Um, and then in fall of 2024,

the US embassy started reaching out to me because he had been hospitalized in Thailand.

Um, this is all, this is going to sound very terrible to say, but, you know, when he was in prison

and in the hospital, like at least I knew where he was. And then I think presumably his medical

stuff continued to devolve. And then in early, I mean, essentially just over a year ago he passed

away in Thailand. Oh, I'm sorry. At very mixed feelings. Yeah. Um, I actually have his ashes and I

don't know what to do with them right now. And what, what is the feeling of, of, of, of having

them there? Do you feel like, I mean, do you have any feelings left?

It's I was because I, after you all reached out, I went back and listened to the initial

podcast reporting. And I remember immediately after, because we recorded that it sort of ended

with the phone conversation that you facilitated between the two of us. And then within a couple

of hours that I was driving back from New York to DC. And I remember feeling so overwhelmed

emotionally. I was feeling, I think mostly anger at that point because I felt so stonewalls.

And like I couldn't really break through to him in any meaningful way. And I remember

feeling like my heart was racing. I was so angry and sad. And I stopped at like a rest stop and

called my mom and tried to like work through my feelings because I didn't want to drive in a rage

for three more hours. Um, I think I had grieved our relationship so much at that point that with

his passing, it was more of a, okay, this is over. Do you think that conversation

where we called him up? I mean, do you think ultimately it was helpful?

I think it was helpful in showing me that our our relationship like in many ways was

effectively over and that that was unlikely to change. I'm sure there are small things that I

could have done differently. But I don't think there was any, I don't think I could have behaved

in such a way that I got my dad back in any meaningful way. Yeah. Um, the story ends up, you know,

with the story of Martin, uh, what, what became of that? Did you do the, yeah? I haven't done

any DNA testing, um, more from like data privacy concern. Is that the only thing that keeps you

from from doing it? I mean, I'm sure there are, I'm sure there are other unexpected reasons.

Yeah, I've clearly never made the effort to do it, which is, I guess, a signal in and of itself.

Yeah. So I mean, just generally like top line things are good. You're doing okay. You guys,

yeah, I mean, your husband, your dog, they just are great. I'm so glad. The data updates are all

wild, but I'm grateful for my personal life being relatively stable.

Thanks, Elise. You may exit the closet now. Excellent. Thank you. It was good to catch up.

Thanks to everyone who helped put this episode together. We'll be back in two weeks time with

something a little different. You might even say wildly different. You might say, it's something of

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