#261 Fast Dates, Fajitas & Flight Dramas

0:00I have a very important update for you on the Wix household. It's, I've just, I'm busting to tell someone. Mm-hmm. April. Yep. My beautiful wife, who's on the last week's episode. Yes. She's been very busy with lots of different activities, so I want to know which one, it, update on all or just one. Just one for now? Yeah, okay, okay. Dripped feed me the updates. April has a new bus call. Only what? Bicycle. Oh, he said basketball. I was like, she's playing basketball? She could do it all. Fuck it out. Oh, I'm going on. I'm all about that. Welcome back to 2Dating Darts, I'm Matty J. I'm Ash. This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good. It is the bad. And the relatable. And we don't give advice. No, we don't. And I know what you're thinking. This is out there like, so fucking what?

1:00So what? It's a bike. You're not understanding this. My wife has never learned how to ride a bike. Well, I did briefly teacher. Have you ever pulled Frank her data side and said, that's child abuse? What you've done here, raising her in this world, it's like keeping her locked in the base. I don't know how to do things in the Johnson household, but I like to keep my in laws on side. Okay. I need him. Have you ever like Christmas one time after when you were drinking gone? You're a little Frank. Do you know what? Frank? Do you know what girls do? No, no, no, no. Zelda, I know you're there. You never have. You never have. Never had the inkling. No, look, it's just not. The juice isn't worse than the squeeze, which is a famous saying from Matthew Johnson. So what she never, just for the record, was never taught as a kid. Never taught as a kid. I, she has with me on a big grassy field once, gave her a go on a bike. And I know that she can do it. She's just anxious about it all, but the kids are really into their bikes at the moment.

2:00Oscar's just upgraded to a bigger bike. He's getting quick. He's getting adventurous and he wants his mum to join him and she really wants to join him. So I took her to the bike shop. Okay. We measured her up for the correct bicycle. We got ice cream. We got ice cream. We got ice cream. Well behaved. She was well behaved. Special treat, bicycle. I got one too, because I needed a new bike as well. Did you, for Aval's bike choice? Did you let her decide or did you get someone over to say, hey, look, she needs someone? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Look, Macy came along with this. So I was distracted with the baskets for Macy, you know, the baskets on the back. I love the kids. I love the baskets. No, do you know what they really, she really is loving and she wants her, her birthday. Streamers. No, like the dolly bike seat. Oh, she's like a baby seat for kids. Yeah, she's like, as she walked in there, she was like, look at that. They, they are obsessed, aren't they? They don't make bike baskets for boys. Wow. Do you have a nose? Let's, look, we're already bulls deep in one petition. We could start another one.

3:00Well, I thought that's a bit slack for the boys. Because the boys were, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're going to put a dinosaur. Yeah, he's like, really sorry, we've only got those girls ones. Am I, I am? Where are we going to put the, oh, my hot wheels cars? We're going to put my port and port things. Legos. Legos. You could have like a little, like a briefcase thing of Majig. It's a briefcase. Like, it's got a hold on the side, like a businessman. Yeah. Boys can have baskets too. This bike comes with two briefcases. Yeah. Yeah. It's just the girls are, no, it's one of those, you know, when you see, like, bike riders that have been riding a real long distance, they got the satchel over the back. That's a boys. It's like a camel. Yeah. They're the boys are more utility bikes. Girls are more like streamers and the thing. So I will be teaching April how to ride a bike. Oh, I cannot wait for that content. And I will be filming it. She doesn't know I'm going to film it. I'm sure she's like, she's not stupid. Yeah, I'm sure she's going to be like, why you never said that? You mean the camera's coming, you're there with like tripod film crew?

4:01Yeah. Like a home cam cam. We're doing a documentary. Yeah. I get my nans home cam corner the side flip over. So when did you buy the bike? Before we went away and they delivered it when we were away. I'm Frank Bilton. No. Your dad was a poppy boom. Oh, my, I think I'm a photo actually. I wonder if Frank is secretly like, damn it. You're going to be hell jealous. Like, because if he's, it's all from the wicks. The wicks, the wicks are coming in and. Pine is saving the day. You are a long line of bicycle riders. We are. We are. Well, you witnessed it in Canberra because I beat you in that balancing thing. I wasn't even trying big. I was barely even. He wanted to do it again. That's April's new bike. That's a boys bike. No, it's not. That's a boys bike. No, it's a unisex bike. Thank you very much. Just like those baskets should be. So now you're for the basket. These are rights for the bike. I'm saying, April, I'm all about bike equality. Also, just quickly actually, a few people have said, who's that woman talking about? Oh, and if you're wondering, that's Vic.

5:04And Vic, we've been trying to get this episode going on the way for ages. Vic's been dragging a hill. So Vic, say hello to the Dodas. Hello. And she's really held back there when I said you've been dragging a hill. Most of the time we... I thought she listened. Most of the time. I've been I was writing notes. Oh, most of the time we were trying to pay you out. Matt and I are very... Oh, we're very prompt you and I. We're like, we're going to start at this time, but Vic really sloshes down. So... Multiple trips out to get coffees, drinks. Oh my God, that's a huge amount. She got some eyeliner, eyeshadow. I'm just sitting there. I'll be... We were meant to start this episode an hour ago. As she's running a tight schedule. I'm running a tight schedule an hour here. So I am Taipei, your Taipei. So Vic, producer Vic is here. That is who you hear from cackling in the background? Vicky or Victoria or Vee. Yeah. Depending on her. Vee City. Vee City. That's pretty good. That's new. You're right down. You're welcome.

6:04Great bike. Lovely color. Since very high on this. Oh, she hasn't said it yet. Okay. Oh, my dad's like, she's seven foot, yeah. Oh my God, a bike city extender for you. Why? Oh, we should have a competition. Who can learn to ride first? Marley or April? Write that down and I mean it. Okay. That'd be so good. Do we go to separate camps and then come back for like a... Who's going to... A bike race? A... Yes. Isn't it the B&M? That's too much for the world. We're getting on jumps. I got the heel kickers. April and Marley are both in hospital. They're both in hospital. We're like, oh, damn. There's a circuit bike track along the beach there. But it's like on a novel and you can stand in the middle and watch your kid go right around. I need... Oh, gosh. I'm... That is honestly. This is the motivation that I need. Are we talking time trial? Or are we talking here? It's... She's a grown woman. And then I have... We're talking about a seven-year-old child. Yeah, but we're... It's... Also like... Are we like... Are we like... Are we like... Are we like...

7:04Are we like... Are we like... Are we like... The, the toilet of the paper. Nice. Nice. Are we like... I think... Yeah, he's... He's just laying eggs. But he won't be able to bring any of his toys Because there's no basket for boys yet. Yeah. And we should bring one out. But... Boys are more backpack people. But yeah. Yeah. Well said. But not to GeneralizeA RocketScope. Are you going to do the Old Towl under the umpits? Yeah. I'm going to do the holds up. Under April's umpits. Yeah. There's going to be good gear. Okay, let me know. I will. I heard a balanced bike first. Definitely. Ah, straight on the deep end. Sure, she's 36. Sure. 35, sorry babe. But yes, bike is incoming. Now, also while we're sitting in this little housekeeping session, we had a DM. So I mentioned a while back about linear clocks. A linear being... So, circular is a current clock. But with people who are neurodiversion at ADHD, the circular clock...

8:04Confusing? It really holds you accountable for your time. Is that the correct way to say that? Yeah, because it doesn't end. It's hard to see your ends. Well said. You need to have the finish line. Yeah. So for me, I see a clock and I'm like, if it goes past the 12, it's going to keep going. So it doesn't really matter. But if I see an ending, I'm like, fuck, I got to get what I need to do. So anyway, so this particular doter heard me talking about the idea of this and they have created an app. Oh. Okay, a linear clock app, a first version of it, which I should quickly show you, and we'll leave a link in our show notes for any other doters to jump on and have a look. But essentially what you do, Matt, is you break your day down. I like that. You break your day down on this app from your morning routine, like anything that needs to be done... I woke up too late. Wake up too, go to sleep. And the linear clock shows you what type part of the day you're at. And you can leave a little prompts of like what you usually do during that time of the day. Like for mine, I've got work, because this is work, apparently. We've got here masturbated 12, 24 hours.

9:05Yeah. That's it. That's an audible for any moment at any moment. I know it's masturbated for the fourth time. Okay, but that's a type, it's between 14th. Yeah. 14th time. But it's only... They have all your testicles, they remember what happened. Well, they've actually been stitched to the walls of my testicles, so it's a fucking free for all over here. Yeah. It's a no. Don't ask questions, you don't want the answer to be. But... Tell if you're joking or not. Not joking. But yes, so you can go through and you can change it. It is the first stage of this. I've provided what I thought was some feedback, which is a widget could potentially be built. But of course these things cost money, take time. But we'll leave a link. So currently now I'm in work stage. There's got 55 minutes left. 55 minutes to get this out the door. We've got plenty of time. You think that? You think that? I didn't have time to watch that last video. Which video? Stop me watching. Yeah, because I thought the video will turn into... You are right. Vick will slow us down again. Yeah, Vick is very...

10:06She's like a nanker. Oh! Oh! How dare... She's like a backpackful of sand. Vick, you're doing great work. I know, we did. But we're kid. We're you, we kid. We kid. We kid. But we've just put it... I don't know if you saw in the calendar, there's a performance review meeting for after this. That's in your linear clock. And thank you to that doda who damned me. Thank you. That's what suits me. But that's okay. It doesn't mean I've forgotten about you, because here I am talking about it. As I can't tell if I meant to read this line or you meant to read this line, is a question, Vick, tell me if I'm wrong. The fastest date night you ever had from sit down to paying the bill. Yeah, that's from me. That's the start. Oh, okay. That's my question to you, because April and I, we just got away for a few days. We were talking about it in a second. It was a disaster. But we were talking about... We obviously went to a lot of nice places to eat. And how quickly you're served. And it got us thinking about what our quickest date night was. It was ever been. So my question to you, and I do know when I mind once, but I wanted to ask you. I don't know.

11:06To be honest, God, like the last couple of date nights, I cannot even recall. And I'm talking seated, eaten, paid the bill. You walk out and realize what time it is. Nothing spectacular. I think we've always tried to like, because whenever we've had a date night, we've had someone booked in as a babysitter. So like, regardless of how quickly the meal comes out and how quickly we eat it, we like have to make sure that we sit in the car and dooms grow. So nothing under an hour. Nothing under an hour. Okay. I'm going to run two different types of date nights behind. Yeah. First one was just a single course. Like, it's a... Let's go, have dinner. Not like an occasion, just like a random. And it was a fajita place in Manley. Sat down. Eight paid 20 minutes. Whoa. What did you order? Is a fajita place. A fajita place. A fajita place. Lovely. We just gathered all the time. What bike do they just do for heaters? Yeah. Nothing but fajitas. Yeah, it was for heaters. But this one, this is a... Do you like fajitas? I love a good fajita. I've never seen you eat a fajita.

12:06Oh, I don't eat them in the office. You're only... I eat night. You only eat fajitas at day night. Yeah. I'm going to have fajitas tonight. I'll take a photo for you. Please. Give me the proof. Deep bunk you saying you've never seen me eat it. Be fajitas. I'll take anything. I'll take it all. You're not... No, I think like as long as it's good, I'll eat any meat. For heaters for you, Vic? What's the difference between a fajita and a burrito? That's a great... Well, I thought you were going to say taco. Oh, that's more of a good word. Okay. It's like... It's like... It's like circular. The girthy. For heaters are flat. Yeah, but a taco and a fajita. I don't know. I really don't know. Good question. Interesting. I was going to say it's because you build it yourself. Interesting. Do what? Yeah, they bring you to fajita, the ramps. Okay. There's a lot... There's also like some sortad capsicin and onion. Like a pig and mix. Interesting that if you're going to do Mexican, you just make sure the burritos included in the mix for the tacos. Like it's like a Chinese restaurant. They're doing like honey chicken or like mung bean land. If you only made one dish, think of how accurate that you could be without wasting money. Think about this.

13:06If you're like, okay, we only do chicken and beef for heaters here. People come in, they eat chicken and beef for heaters. That's on the menu, but then you've got a sides menu the way you make your money. Where you make your money on the sides and the alcohol. And the margaritas. But it's so easy for you to come in because we only have one thing and you know it's good and we're going to give it to you every time. Right? Chmur. Well, that's just your opinion. But like it's nice to also... It's also nice to not have to think about the choice of what you're going to eat, right? If you're like, we're going for fajitas, that's what we're getting. And it's also as well because it isn't mixed in match and you're together. It's part of the eating ritual of the fajita. Both of you are dipping into the same plate. Yeah, it's like it would come out. It would have all the ingredients and then a nice little box of we're getting hung up on detail. We are. This is my job usually to get hung up on. No, I'm the questions guy. Okay. Now, when was it launched? This was... Well, Mexico believe it or not. Now, here's one. An occasion date night where I'm talking like it's like a anniversary

14:07and it's like a... We go somewhere a bit more like not as casual, okay? The quickest. I'm talking three courses, dessert out the door. Have a guess. How quick we did that. Please. And April, come back me up on this. Please don't tell me it's under an hour. 45 minutes. No, what? Three. And April and I love that. Is it now it's a competition in our house? Is that close? Because we went to a Mexican restaurant in Chunggu. I don't know if you've ever heard of Chunggu. It's essentially a suburb in Sydney or Australia now. We went to a Mexican restaurant there. 25 minutes. It was a course and dessert. Most people would be like trying to stretch out their dates. You're just trying to shorten them. Yeah, it's so funny. It's really funny. You could've... Yeah, I'm a fucking nice. But 45 minutes, it was three courses and dessert. Anyway, that's my chat. Little update on Lola. She had a victor see her where she had a fanting illness

15:07that would kick in 9pm every night. It would end up screaming from her room. And we couldn't find out what was wrong with her. In her sleep? In her sleep? Well, maybe just having night terrors. For those playing at home, ear infection. Everything ends up being an ear infection, eh? Yeah. Why is that? You must kick in at night or something. Because Louis had the same thing same time. When you're laying down. But she could never... We were like, what's wrong with you? And she was just like, ah! It's like the body receives infection. And then she's like, just send it to the ears. She couldn't... She couldn't never tell us that it was her ear. She was like, it's my tummy, it's my legs, it's my knee. We're like, what is wrong with you? I think Louis said it was his jaw. Like, I think it's something in the head. It's completely... It's because it's so close to... The pain so close to your brain, right? Yeah. It's your pain receptor. So it's sort of like... So close. It's like, my whole head hurts. Like, it... I haven't had an ear infection since I was a kid. But like, I know that they're bad. Right. So... That illness has now been put... It's been... For now.

16:07Yeah, although fucking... Didn't know this. Didn't know this. You cannot get eye drops for children under the age of two. Poppy. Yeah. Conjunctivitis. Conjunctivitis. And then... And they just say, oh, you've got to have to see these little wipes. And then when it gets bad enough, you then go to the doctor and they give you the antibiotics. So we'll just say, but she fucking got like... Gunkers streaming out the eyes. I know. And you go to sleep and wake up. And it's the worst. Oh my god. Just coming into her room and she's like... Like a mummy that's been stitched. Oh, blind! I know. Like, having it as a adult and you're like, oh my god. This is it. This is it. And then you like, slowly curl. Like you're like, how strong are my eyelids? Just explain what you're doing there. I'm just trying to... I don't know. Closing my eyes. Pretending that I was blind. I'm walking around. Trying to feel... Maybe feel your face. I'm from coming in. When your kids got conjunctivitis, you're like, oh, man, my eyes are richy. I know. Like when someone has head lossing in my... I get like a tiny bit of sleep in my eye and I'm like, this is it? It's beginning.

17:08I'm going down. So I get a lead. Speaking of bed time. All right. Bed time story. I would say, who are our favorite football players? Damien Cookie. Very good guy. Very good guy. And AJ, which is Alex Johnston. Who is currently the leading triascar in the NRL. And congratulations to Damien, who's just finished his career in the NRL this year. Nice to meet you. Yes. Great career. New South Wales, Australia, the whole bit. And they've written a book. It's called Damien Cook Cabara. Very clever. Okay. We'll leave it in our show notes as well. To the show notes, it's going to be a long newspaper. Great read. Have you read it? Me, not yet. What teams have I in? Cookies are for St George. St George, but has a lot of games for the rabbit-os. And AJ has... It's all rabbit-os, isn't it? He's going to PNG next year or year after next. And a stellar bloke. Both of them. Love you. Love you. Great. Hey, you over there. Hello. Hey you. I'm not sure if you saw. Oh yeah. We have been influencing some people that we shouldn't be influencing.

18:09And I'm not taking the blame for it because I don't control the radios in Big South. Or the podcast platforms. It often alternates between if I'm the swearer or you're the swearer. I know. And in this case... Neither one of us are innocent. What word did you say, Ashson? He says it far. I'm proud. And what does Matt say? Chicken. Chicken. But they're not words you should say, are they? No. No. I love his... What did Ash say? Fuck. That is Vic's beautiful daughter. How old is Lily? She's three and a half. But... My demographic audience? After you were saying how you wanted to start recording Macy's voice, I was like, I should start doing this with Lily. So I started taking little videos with her. And she wanted you to have to say, fuck. She was working next to me and I was like, what am I doing? And she's like, you're working. I'm like, what do I do? And she's like... I'm fucking nervous. Yes, she's like tinkering. Correct. But then she goes, format. And Ashson, I was like, yeah.

19:10And then she goes, Ash says, fuck. But Louis also listens. And he's like, every time you guys swear, I shouldn't listen to it in the car. Yeah, you should. And he's like, Oh, that's it. I know. But every time he's like, I want to say... We were having lunch with some friends there, like, avid listeners and she was like, I've had to stop listening when the kids are in the car. I was like, because you just outlandish. So we also on YouTube, we get shout out to the YouTube watches. Hello? We're one of you that's watching. Because we're flagged as being not inappropriate. We're flagged as being explicit. That's about right. Yeah, we are not. We're not that bad. Fuck them. I'm fucking you. I'm fucking you. I'm here, can you? Can you in the car way listening? I'm fucking sorry, yeah. Sorry. All right. We did try at one point today. I'm not changing who I am for anybody. The episode we got five minutes in and we're like, this is awful. I know. Oh, well. Sorry to your children, Vic. That's okay. Now, look, honestly, they're going to learn those words.

20:11It might as well learn them from me. And I'm proud of that. Hey, man. Tell me what I do here, Ash. You know that there has been a speaking competition at school. Oh, this is the kids need more holidays. That was for Lola. And then Marley's speech was on the tooth fairy needs to up her rates. That's right. Persuasive speaking. She's very theatrical, isn't it? And Lola's not into it. She doesn't love it. Like, really had to kind of force it into it. I know. I know. I sound very biased here. Marley just loves it. Love. Learn the script. Two minute speech. Learn off my heart. Yeah, just I mean, some people love like thrive on that stuff. Some people don't. You're from personality. And she will. And also like, she listens to a song once or twice. And then she's just got the words. No, the words. Yeah. It just it just clicks for her. She's got something. And so they then do each class does every child in the class does their speaking. They then pick one winner from each class. They do it at an all school assembly. Wow. The pressure they put on these kids though.

21:11I need a lot. But they do need it. It's a lot. And I get once again. I don't know what to think. Once again, I know I sound like that dick of a parent who was like, I don't. It was amazing. You sound exactly like that too. It's a gift. Listen to her. What's the video of her speaking? I don't brag about us. Yeah. She's very good. Like she's. I sing some of the other kids. They're fucking useless. Okay. Not so gifted. Okay. You, you're that Sarah. Pathetic. Nice try. And she did her speech. And I picked her up. And I was like, how'd you go? Because she's been rehearsing non-stop. And she was like, oh, good. She was like, dad, just crushed it. And some of the other kids were like, Marley, holy shit. What like, what a speech. How good. And then to Marley's teacher, I was like, how did she do? And the teacher was like, that's so good. And she was like, wow, blown away. Wow. Blown away by Marley. When she got on tour. And then, so then they have a couple of days where the teachers, Marley has two teachers. They deliberate. And then they decide.

22:11And then they announce who the winner is. Oh, didn't win. Robbed. Didn't win. Do we need to go down to school? Well, I was like, what do you? Who won? And Laura was like, well, you got to try harder next year. And I was like, I don't know how much harder she could fucking try. Remember, there's no losses only. There's lessons. But what's the lesson then? The lesson is there is that you need to be back. You can try as hard as you can and you still might lose. Yeah. She's also alive. Okay. I was like, do I speak to the teacher? No. Do I say, hey, can I just so I know what she needs to work at? Just tell me where she needs to improve. I'm not there like questioning being like, you fucking, you fucking rob my child. She's seven. And I will hold it again. She, I know she is. I think the only. Do you have any intel on who won? The person who won her name is Michelle. Thank you. I don't know. I want to give away her identity. Her real name will be in the show notes. No, no. No, it does. And do we know how or why she won? Is there any?

23:11No, no, no. I think it's like fair for you to ask for some feedback. Yeah. Even if you frame it like, obviously Molly was so excited. She loves it. She loves this stuff because she obviously wants to get better at the things she loved. What is it that was missing? It's hard to tell me why she didn't win. I was just like, what's wrong with you? Man, pins down teacher. I was like, you're right. Seven. Seven. So it's, you know, it's like, no, he knows. I think it's okay to ask for feedback though. Like to be like, hey, she, she was really pumped. Why do you hate my child? Yeah. Do you hate us? No, I just like, like you want to help her continue to love it. And the only way she's going to continue to love it if she's like, okay, well, I want to work to this point. Yeah. And you can't beat the topic. Like what did this person have that Molly didn't? But then I'm like, don't be our sideline dad. Yeah. Be a, be a front line dad. Where you go. Head first and say, hey, we'd love to feedback because Molly wants to continue this beautiful thing called public speed. And then I was even like, even I see feedback.

24:11Am I one of those parents? I think it's how you frame it. I love talking to the teacher any chance. Can I ask? Do you do that like at pickup? Yeah. Not every day because I've got to really hold myself back. Sure David. Jesus. I love you too. Oh, fuck. That's coming. I don't even know the teacher's name. You guys look, I love cornering them and asking them quick. And they go home and they're like, oh, fucking big Saturday again. No, I genuinely don't. And to be honest, I'm so busy. Dan does a lot of pickups now or he does it. Yeah, they're happy to. But I love until and my child. Yeah, you want to be a flyer. You want to be a flyer on the wall. I love hearing feedback because we don't get photos like we did in decades. Yeah. So we're like, what happened all day? And like, April's the same. She'd be like, oh, she would want feedback. But I'm like, hey, be careful how you frame it because also as well, he's got to pick up and learn things on his own. You can't go to mummy and be like, mummy, can you ask what I did wrong? And so, look, I didn't. I didn't get there this time. Next time I'll do a little bit more research on my topic or. Yeah, I would definitely. More jazz hands or something other.

25:11You could encourage her to speak to her teacher about what she can improve. Yeah, that's probably not a bad show. Yeah, I think it's best. Paul Lola in the morning of her speech. She's like, I don't feel too well. I'm not buying that shit. You know, not a school. No, that's not. She's not feeling well. She was really sick. You know, you know, win line. Is your conviction? You lose. You know, you know, you're not feeling well. You know, you know, win line. Is your conviction. Sometimes when you look at your kids and you're like, oh, you look sick. You look amazing. Actually, the pale kids. I, basically, I picked up Lola and she had eyes were half open. And she's like, that is not you. And I was like, oh, and then I was like, did you do your speech today? And she's like, yeah. And I said, what did they say? And she goes, I need to speak up louder. And she was like, oh, sorry about that. I'm for free. But like, like you're saying, she's not that into that. Like she'll be into other things, right? Yeah. Yeah.

26:11Yeah, that's not it. I'm taught for a living now, but like I never public. I hated public speaking. I hope because it was just these public speaking kids. Yeah. That was the weird ones. You get some palm cards that were like an adult sized palm card. So essentially, most of them give me an A4 piece of paper. And I'd be like, good morning, class 1F. Look up. I contact. For those of you who don't know me, everyone should know me because we're in the same class. My name is Ashton Wix. And it's like, oh, God, say. But because I didn't want to do it, I would just string out the sentences for so long. And furthermore to the previous sentence that I said in the earlier part of this speech, just to get to the word and time count. Marley was like, well, did you ever subject a school dad and I was like, oh, it's drama. She was like, what's drama? I was like, well, you just pretend to be someone else. And she was like, what? That's a lesson. And I was like, yeah, she was like, don't get too real. Don't get too good at it, though. Breaking news, Vic. Could this be the worst tantrum a parent has ever experienced? A flight has been cancelled and passengers left stranded because a child refused to sit down

27:12and fasten their seat belts. The Canadian flight was headed for the runway when a parent and cabin crew failed to secure the child in their seat with a seat belt. The plane was forced to return to the gate so the parent and child could be removed with their luggage. Unfortunately, for the rest of the passengers, they also had to make alternate arrangements. Oh, my God. And this was a midnight flight. Oh, my God. We've seen two people. They don't know exactly how old. Oh, we got this. It was a toddler. It's a fucking child, guys. Were we for real? Like, are we for real that we're letting a child control a whole fly? Because someone doesn't want to say, listen here, fucker, sit down and put your seat belt on. Once again, we don't condone swearing on this podcast. Beat that out. I'll leave it in there. Actually, make that louder. Put it on repeat. Fucker, fucker, fucker. No, but like, come on. Yeah, it doesn't say how much. Credit to that kid, put up one hell of a fight. That yeah, that's a resilient child. Get them into wrestling. But like, that kid's going to be a wrestler.

28:12If I'm the parent, if I'm the parent of that kid, I feel you, you, unfortunately, you failed. I wonder if maybe, I don't want to be that guy. Maybe the captain was just like a non-parent. So he was like... Falling around. Yeah. But like, that poor parent. So the child had been standing in their seats. Yeah, but like, this is what I'm saying. We're saying poor parent here. But what situ- the kid does not listening to that parent. How did that kid get to the point of being that disobeyed? Surely they would have- they cost a lot of money to turn those flights around. To like not take on- And then every single person that flight has to have a terrible time now. But they should have- I'm sure there would have been people who are flying like, can I have a crack- a- Shruffin' them in like it. I would have loved to have a crack at that. I would have dad voiced the shit out of that. We love kids on this podcast. I told you that- So Macy, I like- We were in these villas, right, in Bali, and Macy was being real cheeky. And I was like, it was- it was bedtime. She was standing in a cot and I was like, SON! Like proper.

29:13Get the shit out of her. The next day, Mike was like, I heard you at the other end, and then I had my kid sat down. All the kids in the suburb. Yeah, sat down at once. Oh yeah, that made- I just think that's not on. You know what I'm saying? I'm sure they must have tried. Yeah. I'm sure they might have. The only thing that didn't try hard enough, like I'm getting the kid to sit down. I would- one way or another. It reminded me of though. Remember how hard it is to get kids in their seat belts in the car? Yeah. Like a cat! Not in my ass. Telling you right now, I'm not putting up with that. I'm not putting up with it, and I'll get us there. Now my kids put their seat belts on themselves. They need to be the Nash Wicks at every airport. So if Charles wants to sit down, they're like, we'll call the ash. That's what I'm on the plane. I get the resuits. I don't want to sit down, but it shouldn't have to cause that many people problems. There's something there that needs to be addressed from the parent. Sorry. I mean, I think the airlines also should blame. I blame the airline. What do you mean blame? That's just sit down. If it sat down, it would have fixed the problem. Am I wrong? Why am I the one- why am I the odd one out here?

30:13How dare you? How dare you? You're a tough. Why am I the odd one out here when it's like the airline did what they had to do. Hypothetical. Let's like hang up on this. Okay. But if the parent was like, I'm like, I'm getting them sitting down and the captain's like, no, today's risk, we're turning it around. The parent's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, chill, chill, chill. Okay. That's the airline. That's for sure. If you don't give them enough time, but you're talking about a kid that's standing on a seat. I've had that, though. My kids have stood up. Depends on their standing up for. Yeah. The my kids have been like, if I could sit down, I'm going to go my thing. You're standing. Sit down. So I said, the child wasn't being bratty or uncomfortable, but looked scared. He was hiding under the seat. If they got forced into being strapped in, they just kind of slid out underneath. Oh, fuck. That's clever. He was like a little Houdini. Yeah, alright. So here we go. Scoring on the floor. I couldn't use that detail because there's different. So I don't jump down. No, there's a difference here. You said the word scared. Okay. If the kid is scared and legitimately scared and you sit, there's trauma involved here and turning it around, then I think like, it's without being there, it's hard to be

31:15like comment on that. But I would say, I don't know. I reckon this parent hasn't prepared their child enough. You know how Jenna always says, like, if you prepare them blah, blah, blah, blah, they need to know information ahead of time. So if you had said we're going to go on a plane and you're going to wear a seatbelt and you're going to do this and you're going to do that. I'm actually a really kid and being like, oh, the fuck are we? And the plane's like shaking. You're going to be like, oh, listen, look at the window and you're in the sky. They're like, oh, I think we just have to wake up there. I think there's no Billy that we're on a plane. Yeah. By the way, Billy was sitting on a plane. You know how we walked through an airport, walked past 2000 planes and then walked onto this plane. We're on a plane now. I mean, that was his first, he'll never fly again. But you said you said they're that person commenting saying they weren't ready. See, this is where my head goes, this kid was being an asshole. But you're saying they weren't ready. They were legitimately scared. And that instance, you're right. They're not prepared enough. But come on, like someone who's sitting the kid down or like, why did everyone else have to change their trip? I think I'm just going to take a look. What was that duct tape photo?

32:15You showed the guy that I painted on a flight. He was literally duct tape on a scene. You just need more duct tape on planes. I think it might have been a woman that looked like a man. Speaking of airplane trips, Matt, I have just returned from what was set out to be a quite a nice trip, quite an obscure trip for us. No kids. Mattra, the target of seeing the tigers on a surf trip. There's only going to be like five days, six days. Quick trip, lovely quick trip. Little recharge of the battery. I flew my parents in to take care of the kids and April's dad also to take care of the kids. We set off on our journey. No hiccups to Malaysia first. Get to Malaysia. Love Malaysia. Spend the night of Malaysia. We're flying out to a place called Madan the next day at eight. Love Madan. Work up in the morning, checked in everything, flights to late 30 minutes. No problems. That's okay. We did have a connecting flight at the side, but that's not going to hinder us that delay. Then I get delayed till 2.30 in the afternoon. How much more of delays are? Like six hours? Oh, okay. Now, a little worried there.

33:16Would have missed the connecting flight altogether. Okay. So I've gone up. There was another flight that was earlier that wasn't delayed yet that was 10.30. I said, hey, can you chuck us on there? I have a connecting flight. I was the first of the counter. And she said, yeah, there is actually two spots here. I was like, great. Oh, thank you. So sort of that out, that got delayed till midday. Still not as bad as the first flight. Okay. But I would have missed the connecting flight until I spoke to someone friend of mine who owns the server resort or going to. He was like, the flight that your connected to is delayed every time. He said, it's Indonesia. It's always going to be delayed. And he's like, oh, okay. So he says, he's like, there's a good chance you'll make it. But if not, unfortunately, there's a day at the only flight of this island every second day. So I was like, fuck, I'm going to miss that. What are my other options? I booked a sess now. You booked it. Yep. 12 cedar. Hi bags. No, you can't. Wow. I wasn't, I wasn't person. If I'm private flight. My private sess now.

34:17It's held together with Doc tape. I love that. I tried to have a job at Vic before. And now she's like, let's dance. Motherfucker. No. Let's go. So I don't want to be mean. Oh, shit. Anyway, so I booked this sess. And there's a 12 cedar that goes the next day. So I was like, sweet, we're covered. The whole plane. No, two seats. Two seats. Why would I need a whole plane? What do you say to your booked a sess now? Yeah, booked it. It's what the type of plane is. I didn't know that. And it's not through like your typical life. Don't have to yell. Okay. Anyway, so I booked this sess now. And then we're going to two seats on a sess now. On a 12 cedar sess now. Okay, forgot for bed. Anyway, those planes go down really easy. Don't they just? I'll never find out. So we're going to get on this first flight. All of a sudden, all the flights to Medan canceled. Shoot, go. It's been 30 hours at this point. Where are you at this point? I'm still in KL Airport. I haven't left. I was like Tom Hanks in terminal. I was like, oh, that's a good airport though. You're going to be stuck at it. I was, is it?

35:17No. Yeah, there's lots of do there. What? I got stuck at KL Airport once, actually. We're, we must have been in the different part of the airport. You're like at the bus stop. There was a hungry jacks. You must have been at like terminal four. I don't know. There's like an indoor playground. So we sat there and at this point, we stuck with two options. Trying to stay positive. One option is we stay in KL another night, fly, then stay in Medan a night, get to where we're going, be able to spend one day, turn around and come back. Because the same distance there is going to be a big shock. It's the same distance back. I don't believe it. So we sort of went, all we're going to do, let's pivot and detour. So pivoted, detour ended up in Chenggu. Lovely little suburb in Bali. Full of fitness freaks and marcha, a saai, and everyone's talking about protein. So April was in her element. I was about to say, I would love it. I've never seen it so happy. I was so disappointed. And she was like, did you say Chenggu? So anyway, we, we moved to Chenggu. Now you just can I just say credit to Ash for pivoting with April in mind.

36:18Because we could have, you could have gone to a place in Bali, which would have been better suited for yourself and surf. I could have gone anywhere in Indonesia, other than North, because of this volcano. But the volcano went off the day before. Great. But there was a lot of ash in the sky. It's just not worth it. Ash wasn't in the sky. Ash was still on the ground. There he is. Thank you. So get to Chenggu. 36 hours to get to Bali, which is usually a five and a half hour flight. Get there. First day, threw him a back out. Okay. How'd you do that? Shagging. No, I was surfing. He's winking. Followed by a shagging. No, it wasn't. Guys, come on. It's a family show. It's not a fucking. Anyway, so that's happened. Then April's got Bali belly. Mind you took us three days to get to a holiday that we got to spend one day at before. I was injured and April was spewing a guts up. So we were pretty much stuck in the hotel room a whole day. Then we had to fly back home the next day.

37:19We're like, all right. We had one flight that I used for points on the way home from Jakarta that we kept that was business class because I was like, we're treating ourselves with it. I've been earned all these points for quantas. We're flying all the way to Jakarta to then fly home to enjoy this. Both flights on the way to the airport canceled. Oh no, wait. One was delayed 24 hours and I had to get back for Canberra for the Canberra thing. So at this point, I've spent four days in airports at one day in a hotel room where April spew an up every hour and I was flat on my back. And one day where we actually had lunch with someone and I got a surf in on this trip, all to just land back in Australia on no sleep. I'm sorry. You had to go through that. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm very thankful with the position that I've been able to have these holidays. Goes without saying. And I put the spin on it to go to Chungu to try and make it better. But it was just one of those trips that was destined to fail from the outset. Which sucks. So bad.

38:20At least the bar is low. So the next trip you take is going to be a great one. I've never had so many flights. Not one flight. No, one flight that we booked we got, which was the first flight, the rest of them were flights that I booked minutes before we're getting on it. And it was like, what the fuck is in the air? Do you know what? That says not could have been going down. So right now they made it successfully. Damn it. They're like called me. They're like, were you on the plane? Yeah. Did we lose two passengers before? No, I canceled it. And they're like, oh yeah, okay, yeah. At least you weren't with the kids. That's the silver lining here. And that's the thing when it was all going down, I thought there's families out here that's happens to, because I know. I imagine if you were with the kids. Dude, I remember one time April and I before having kids were at the airport flying to my parents' house on the day before Christmas Eve. So it's 23rd. And they canceled our fly. And April was like, oh, how painful. And then I look over and there's family everywhere. And both April and I in that instant were like, look, it could be so much worse.

39:21So in this instance, we were like, this could be so much worse, but it's not. So suck it up. I had a rant. And once I had the rant, I felt better. And I also like, you had sex. Yes, it threw you back out. But you threw my back out. And then the rest of the sex trip was ruined by Bali belly. Okay. How did she get Bali belly? I don't know. And I feel sorry for her. I'm out here fucking gargle in the water and she's just like, goes past like a piece of water and she's like, ah! I saw you were trying to teach her to dive. Yes. 30s. That's a fun part. That's like a great part. I actually wasn't trying to teach her. I walked out of the hotel room and there she was. She was like, well Paul said to you, I thought it was a chance. Poor thing. And it took me so long to convince her to let me post that video. Because the first one I actually snuck up on her. Like everyone's like, what a rig. Yeah, yeah, she looks great. The fans are loving it. She looks unbelievable. But she's making us look bad. Yeah. She does work hard for it though. She deserves it. She deserves it. I don't.

40:21Just really quickly, two very quick stories. If I made before we go, Marley loses a bloody water bottle. Loses everything to be honest. Yeah. Just like jumpers, hats. Kids are shit. I like that. Like, where's your lunch box? And she's like, how the fuck would I know? And I'm like, you brought it to school. And she's like, what's the little question, man? Don't accuse me. You packed it. We had a library this morning. I was like, where are your library books? And she was like, that's the library. I don't know. She's like, I told you they're on the stairs. And I was like, when? And she's like, I don't know the other day. And I'm like, just, she loses everything. She's just useless. So anyway, kids are losing water bottles. I go to the pharmacy to get some medicine. What do I see there? What about a water bottle? A water bottle. And I think to myself, you know what I'm going to do? And I get Marley a brownie in water bottle because she likes to have a water bottle. She loves being in possession of a water bottle, even though it's not for long. Did you get someone else to a water bottle too? The whole family. Oh! Well, LOLA. LOLA. I put Marley and LOLA. That. I thought I was going to catch you out there,

41:21but you've got me. You once have a head. Can I show you the water bottle? Yes, please. What is the issue with this? Okay. Am I allowed to touch it? Please. Touch away. Okay, so it's a pink tinkerbell fairy looking. It's actually a beautiful little solid. Thank you. It's a camera back, I believe. Food grade stainless steel. Thank you. No, no. It's not my best of my family. There's only water in it. You don't have food in there? I suppose you could soup in there. Smoothie. BPA-free, insulated. Now I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with it. It's got nice handle. Great handle. Little flick top. It's a zipper, not a tipper. Mm-hmm, zipper. Okay. Looking for something that's wrong with it. So I bring this home, I put it on the table and I'm like, waiting for, oh my god, Dad, you're so amazing. This is why you were out of the air. Yeah. And she's like, what is this? And I'm like, it's a new water bottle. She's like, oh no. I've got to say it. I've got to say it. What's wrong with this guy? This guy only has one job in his to get. And look after me. And I'm like, what's the problem? And she's like, fairies? What? You think, how old do you think I am?

42:22Seven? This is embarrassing. What? And I was like, what do you mean it's embarrassing? I was like, but it's beautiful. It's pink and it's fairies and it's like fairies with different colors. There's a blue one. There's a yellow one. And she's like, I'm not a fucking child. I'm not a baby. You're seven. I've got to be laughed at at school. Oh, you've gone into embarrassing dad face. Oh my god. It's too early. So it's too early for you to be that. Fairies are out. Fairies are out. She's like, you got anything with lipstick? I bet she likes the tooth fairy. Yes. Get her on that. If you think fairies are out, that means the tooth fairy is not coming anymore. That's why you didn't win your speech. You need to believe in the fairies. I don't know. Oh my god. We're at the stage now where my daughter is like, she doesn't want fairies. And I'm like, shit. So she thinks she's growing up, growing up too fast. And I was like, you will fucking enjoy these fairies and drink your water. Didn't I like it? Loved it. And now she's got two drink bottles of tea. No, no. It's like, where, where, I get like, I get that people grow out of phases and stuff like that. She's not like that far past fairy stage.

43:23Well, she's not. I wouldn't even think she would be. And I'm like, what's your love for fairies? Relax, bro. I was like, you're seven. Exactly. What did you want on it? Very mature. She just wants it bare bones like wine. Yeah, literally. We have plain ones and then they can decorate them with stickers. There you go. That's what she does. Because I'm with it on fairies stickers. You should troll her now with fairies. Yeah, I'm just fairies stickers everywhere. Just, you know, you have a pattern on the back and put a fairies in it. Tell her that she's offended the fairies. Oh, yeah. Psychological damage. Yeah. Let's produce some trauma. Also, really quickly, before we go, before we go, if I may, if I may, Ash, not to put you on the spot here, I'm not asking you to spelling. That's cool. Yeah, I've seen it being part of his home work, so I'm assuming that it happens. Yeah. We have a spelling list. What's a spelling list? So the kids on a Tuesday get a list of words, like say, ten words, they have to learn those ten words for the week. The following Monday Tuesday, they do a spelling test and it's just like, you know, there's nothing you're not playing for anything.

44:23It's just they do a spelling test once a week. That's clever. And quite often, because the kids, Miley often, they lose the spelling sheet. And so the parents in the group, who had always like, hey, does anyone have this week's spelling words? The pressure that, the pressure that school puts on parents is unbelievable. It's too much. Someone said the other day, like, you don't really finish school for like 36 years, because you send your kids and you pretty much do all the fun. And we're grade one, and I'm already struggling with the homework. Going to help me when it's high school. But when in school sounded pretty good. Well, so we've got the spelling words. Tell me, again, put your in the spot. Tell me if you can see what is wrong with this list of words. Soft G, a giant general fragile magic spelling morphology. You know, I think that means suffix ship, friendship, membership, citizenship, partnership, super spell, extension, championship, general rafs, sus, sus. Someone spells something wrong on the spelling sheet. If I'm not mistaken and let me get this out.

45:25If I'm not mistaken, and I'm going to be very accusatory right here. A teacher has got a spelling mistake wrong on the homework spelling sheet. Guilty, we've got one of them. Let's get out. Oh, I looked at it and I was like, I was too nervous to say this. Just for all. I was too nervous to say anything. I was like, in my head, I was like, pretty sure a generous is spelled wrong there, because I spelled it. And he's out of your triple check. And I was like, how many times did you do a check? And I was going to message me like, and then another parent was like, pretty sure a generous is spelled wrong. Chat GBT. And I was going to spell generous. I know. And then all the parents were like, let's get the teacher. Me, I'm going, this is justice. We must for us. We must for the school with pitchforks. We're like, death to the teacher. We should get t-shirts and say, this is not how to spell generous. How did they spell it? I'm glad you asked. Spell it out to us, guys. How would you, hang, well, how would you spell generous?

46:25You are very smart. G-E-N-E-R-O-U-S. Correct. In the newsreader voice too. So double points. G-E-N-R-E-R-O-U-S. And R-R-R-R-S. Type-O. No. No. Don't you dare. Teachers, we got to fight. We got to fight. No, you'd be like, oh, that was Jen R-R-R-S of you. No, I have. We all collectively petitioned to get a remove from the school. Might have had something to do with the fact that she didn't pick my way for the speaking competition. Is it my Vemba petition you're signing? But it's not. That's... Yeah, look, I, what I would do if I was you, and I'm this sort of petty, is next time you get the opposite to opportunity to drop the word generous in a sentence with this teacher, do it say... So generous. Say, say, this is so generous. So it's like being mad, having a stroke. I don't know. I've got to learn you. Yeah, see, this is so generous. R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-S. It's just so you... Should have been smiling. Yeah. It's like when your parents... How can you trust her to pick a winner of a speech... If she can't even spell, yeah, it's not very generous... ...over her, is it?

47:25Wow, we're making sure these teachers are held accountable. Don't you worry. But also we thank you for all the work you do. You've got to measure it. Amazing, amazing. It's the system. It's the system we're really going after. Thank you, I know of society. It's the system we're really going after. Are we going to be typo? Just to say our kids from being kicked out of this school? Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, finally, before we do go, this time is for real. We get teasing that we're leaving. My wife has... My wife. My wife. Ma-ma-ma-na. Ma-ma-na. April is... She actually hates it when I just call her my wife. So my wife, my beautiful wife, April... Well said. Who would, not my wife. She has started a casual social sports team... ...with a bunch of other moms. Which I think is great. What's the spot? It is touch football. She didn't realize how fast-paced it is. So she's working on stamina. But also as well, she's... Ma-a-prily is so competitive. Unbelievable. She's a good runner. She's a great runner. She had a punch on with my best friend over beer pong once. And she said to me, I'm not competitive.

48:26I'm like, mate, I had to pry you off this poor man. Because you were just beating the shit out of him. But she had a first training last night. How'd she go? Great. Few names were tossed out for the team. And they landed on the Ageless Athletes. I think it's pretty cool. She didn't want to be vulgar. I was like, be more vulgar like, don't touch this. Careful. Yeah. Actually, don't touch it. That's great. Right? I was worried first. I was like, what was I going to say? I was like, Vick just... Vick. Vick. Yeah. So she's super excited. Also, she was really nervous. And last night, she had a first training that they were doing. All the drills and stuff like that. They played against Scott Attribute. She got to try at the end. She came up and she was pumped. She's got to try. She's got to try in the training. That training. Oh, I can't. Sorry. Let's start just this. Hang on. Vick got real sad. Are you upset that you didn't get invited to the touch scene? No. Because you know who's in there? Brooke. Brooke Hammond. She's part of the team. She's a guard. She's a guard. She's an athlete. She's an athlete.

49:26I'm not very good. I would bring the team down. I would say none of them are very good. Oh. Can I ask, is it a mixed comp? No. It's just the gals. Yeah. Because that's dangerous. So we're going to get down there. I may or may not have offered a sponsor to the team. What are they asking? None. I'll give her some t-shirts. But anyway, I will... I'm going to go to the first game. When is the game? They start next Monday. Oh. What a night. Yeah. She's got it out of Bath and Bedford. Yeah. That's great. But what was her goal? Because she said she wanted to challenge herself. What did she say again? I can't remember. I think when I was at your place and she was like, I just wanted to push myself and put myself out of my comfort zone. Yeah. I don't like that's fucking great. It's pretty good. It's great. Because when you get to like, you're late 30s, you're mid 30s, sorry. I apologize. I tell you who's real proud of her. Oscar. Oh. He's... So she got home. The kids were in bed when she got home, but they're awake. They just gone into bed. And Oscar's got it to see out his door. He's got to go to the bottom end of the...

50:26of the balcony. Look out. And I sat down and he was like, what number are you? And she's like, we don't have any numbers. Did you score? Did you do this? Who was there? Like just so into it, which is great. Yeah. And she was like, I kept rolling my ankles. So this week I'm going to go and I'll try and get some content. Hey, put up. Rolling Wrangles? No, no, no, no, no. She needs boots. She needs proper boots. Because it's night time on grass. She didn't wear boots on grass. Well, it was just the first initial training and she knew that she needed boots. She was like, oh, we'll get some. So this week I'm going to go boot feeding with her. Oscar's like, just wear a dance. I'm like, she was like a fucking clown. She's like, where am I? I was like, no one can fit into you or she didn't quite understand. Guys, that is adorable. So I'm going to update you some of the guys. So there's a season we'll keep close tabs on that. I'll give you what are they called? The Ageless Beauties? The Ageless Athletes. What are they called? The Mills. No, the Ageless Athletes. The Ageless Athletes. The Ageless Athletes. It's hard to do. Does it roll off the tongue? It doesn't. It doesn't. Ageless Athletes. It makes me think of old people with me.

51:26Yeah, the Geriatrics. The Geriatrics. We're so good we're Ageless. Well, I don't know. Yeah. Well, okay, I've done it. Please. But I'm perhaps super proud of her. Super proud of her. Yeah. How's it going? Well done April. And if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you gave us a review. Subscribe. Talk to us. Please. Do for us. Say something. Yes, or you can join us on socials. Our two-toned-and-dads Instagram, TikTok, Facebook is thriving. Come and join the chat. And YouTube. Not thriving so much. But hello, one user that listens to us on YouTube. The YouTubers have really come out of the woodwork on the Facebook page. Do what? There is nothing that makes people arc up more in the fear of it being taken away. Yeah. Not that it was to do. We will take this podcast away completely. Unless you review. Unless you review. Well done. Well done. Well done. Next week is Choc. Our friend Choc. We're just a choc chat. His name is Jake. So that'll be coming out on Monday. So tune in for that. Love that. And we'll get out of here. I've got a sore throat now. I'm talking.

52:26Yeah. Okay. Bye. Two Doding Dance Podcasts. Technology is the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respects to their elders, past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal Land.