275. The Importance of Affection & Taking Accountability of Your Orgasm

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Hello, I'm Mr. I haven't seen you in so long.

We're back on video.

Hello and welcome back to the Hornielse podcast.

I'm your host, Jordan.

Okay.

On social media at THHPod, I asked my listeners a question.

I said, if there was something you could change,

we can't go over all of them, but we'll go over some in this intro.

There was something you could change about your spouse.

And I, anything, a belief, a something super shallow,

something little, something huge.

What would it be?

So let's pull a few answers and JD Jody about them.

One husband said he wishes his wife would be more affectionate.

Now, I'm pulling some and I'm thinking,

and I know that there were multiple of submissions like this.

So there are a lot of husbands.

I know they told me that wishes their wives were more affectionate.

Now, I can encourage wives and say touch your man more.

And it'd be easy.

If you're a wife who is like, you know what?

My husband is wonderful.

And he is affectionate towards me.

And he really is checking the box as I have some marriage gripes,

some, you know, our own issues we work on.

But like, I'm not going anywhere.

This is my man.

That is how you feel in this resonated with you of like,

maybe I'm the person because that's not my lovely language.

So I actually get really overstimulated with a lot of touch.

That could be towards me.

So if this is ringing about and you feel called out in any way,

see where you could intentionally without sacrificing your peace

or feeling like shit being more overstimulated.

But find a couple ways where you could fit in just,

I think a great time is when your husband gets home from work.

I've been with my husband for a decade.

And like, I'm pretty damn good at that.

But I will tell you, over the last two years,

it is something that now I think about.

Now I think it can go, you know what?

I remember being like, he can come find me.

He should come say hi.

And like, if he didn't come find me immediately,

I'd be like, what'd you say hello to me?

And I actually thought about it.

He's never griped, never made a complaint, never said,

no, you should come to me.

But when I thought about it,

and I think of our dynamic, what we value, what we do,

I just us, me and Derek, no one else's opinion.

I'm like, you know what?

He works so hard and then he comes home

and then he does this for me.

And then he always helps me.

And if I don't want to cook,

he never complains about I feel like cooking.

Like, he'll let me order this, go do that.

If I need him to do this, he's going to do that.

If I want to go work out, I want to get some,

he's going to let me, I should come down

and greet my fucking husband

and give him a big ol' tonguey smooch, doesn't add to me.

But greet my husband.

That is a way to say, say, without saying,

which we're going to get to saying,

did you see the idea pop into my eyes?

You saw my eyes later.

Hey, I see you.

I notice you, missed you, loved you.

Give a little muscle squeeze, come in for a hug.

Okay, if you're watching, then take your arms back

and do a little muscle squeeze.

And then kiss him on the lips.

And then when you come back from like,

when you're in that position, do a little net kiss.

Or say, you're going, oh, I'm so glad you're home.

A hug, leaving out with a net kiss.

You can send a chill down a man's spine

with a net kiss or two.

These are true erogenous zones.

Our thighs, our inner thighs,

the bottom of my feet are, isn't that weird?

I can't help it, I didn't create that, I didn't make that.

It just is.

And like, we're not a feet couple, we're not feet people.

Derek's on a foot person.

He's not not a foot person.

But he's not like, give me those feet.

I'm shoving my feet in his face.

Like rubbing, rubbing.

Here's some free feet content.

The feet people were like,

I'm a pause, pause.

Square job, pause.

And we're glicking at my toes.

Are they okay?

Yeah, I got a little French tip action.

Can we get them in the frame?

See, that's the wrong way.

I'm not.

Oh, there we go.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

Okay.

So, what the fuck?

So yeah, moving forward, be more of action it.

Another thing, another way to show affection

or more admiration and respect.

I have to slip this in.

I won't take this long and all of them.

I was watching one of my own clips.

I'm like, I'm getting to myself of me saying like,

you don't want him to be hearing.

He is appreciated out there all the time

and not hearing it from home.

And it's easy to like, in text and to say things,

but hit me the other day,

where I could see my husband feeling stressed

and he was getting ready for work.

And I was like, get up, put my robe on

and I went into the closet and I was like, hey babe.

And he was like, what?

Getting ready, like not anything, like what?

Not even looking at me.

I was like, well, you look at me.

Well, you look at me.

And I took his hands, he said, give me your hands.

And he's like, I'm trying to get ready, bitch.

He didn't say that, but he's like, I'm trying to get ready, babe.

And I go, I just want to let you know

that I'm so appreciative of you.

I'm so grateful for you and everything you do

for our family, babe.

I love you.

And he was like, I appreciate that.

Thank you, babe.

Thank you.

And it's those things that my husband isn't a very,

my husband's extremely stoic, too stoic sometimes.

I would not say, in my opinion of him,

he doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve.

I had to, like, he was a challenge for me.

He was a challenge for me.

It was, I had to break him down,

went to break him down, go to the makeup.

I had to forage in there.

Not to me in, not to me in.

And I got in and I got my way.

But he is someone who maybe more like an egg,

definitely like an egg, not hard in the inside at all.

Like, big-hearted man, big-hearted, extremely fair,

wonderful boss, wonderful father, wonderful husband.

Truly.

And you don't realize the impact that that has

certain words have for our men, for our women, okay?

Gosh, you know, the other day, this weekend,

I was wanting some love-making.

You're like, are you gonna go to the next one?

This is all good stuff, fire shit.

The other this weekend, I was wanting to do it

because we did it on Thursday and Tuesday.

And both times, specifically Thursday, really,

was like really quick and like, I was the one,

like, really, like, wanting, needing, feeling,

like I need to release and what my man.

And due to external factors, good,

and the time that the clock had struck,

only one of us, him, had completed.

And my husband is a very not-selfish lover.

But there are times when, A, like, I'm not in the space.

It's now not working for me,

because now I'm thinking about the knock

that keeps happening, the dog barking, and the time, you know?

You know, if you know, you know.

So this weekend, and he was like,

I'm ready when you are, beep, like, gosh,

I wanna, like, let's go, let's go upstairs right now.

Like, in the middle of chaos, I'm doing this, this,

I'm ordering bench from my entryway,

I'm looking at paint colors, gotta go get paint.

And he's like, let's go upstairs now.

And I'm like, I'm not on my body.

So you know what I did?

I used to be the woman who blamed.

I used to be a wife who looked to my husband and go,

why are you not getting me there?

Why are you not amping up your romance right now?

Why have you not dropped everything, went to the store,

got flowers, put them on your head,

dance like a monkey and said,

I want to make love to you.

You know what I mean?

I always would put it the ball,

I'd be like, the balls in your court.

Why aren't you making this happen?

And maybe a little Susan Bratt

and got to my head of like, I will give you

the green light and you will pursue it.

But I think the truth is,

is not everybody has that dynamic.

Susan Bratt was talking about starving her husband.

I'm not starving my husband.

You know what I'm saying?

So there's different dynamics.

So don't look at someone's story or even my story

and just go, okay, then that's how it should be.

It's not.

So instead, just don't compare and don't judge.

You can ask her more affection.

You can ask for what you need

for what you want, what you long for.

But don't do it.

If it's something you think you're supposed to have

that you think you don't have,

that must be the missing piece

because everybody's saying that.

Don't do that.

Reflect, connect, ask questions, dive deeper.

And then, then assess what you think that solution could be.

Reminding your spouse,

how much you appreciate them, very impactful,

very necessary, very needed.

And then the plane, to finish my point,

I looked at my husband

because I was like, overstimulated.

I'm not in the mood, but I am in the mood.

I'm wanting to do this.

But I don't feel like in tune with my body.

So I took accountability for myself.

And I got in my body.

I chose.

And then, I don't want to just get in my body

and feel good and then use him as a,

as what I'm going to get off to.

I want to feel connected to my partner

because how many times, and this happens,

this is maintenance sex for so many people

and it is okay.

Feeling horny and like using your partner

as like your tool versus,

oh, we're having passionate lovemaking.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I'm not saying your eyes are cool.

You got a virtual reality headset on and you're using them.

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying like, you have a physical need

and that's your person.

That's your person.

I'm not saying you're being a weirdo.

But I'm saying it's not this organic natural hot

build up tension, it's not like that.

And you know what I'm saying.

So what did I do?

And I only went in my body,

but I said, lay with me.

Lay with me right here.

And we were laying and giggling

and the dog came up and I go turn.

And I was like, I just want to add some eye contact

and he thinks it's funny.

He like laughs and smiles,

but he looks at me and that,

that for me for Jordan Cakes

because he's not someone.

He was like Jordan meeting you really,

like you called me out about how bad I am with eye contact.

He goes, I don't want to like share his story.

But a part of his story is there's a reason why

it comes difficult or came,

it's not anymore, difficult for him.

It's still something that has to be intentional,

but there was like a big shame piece there,

which is not a part of his story at all.

Even when I met him, I was like,

what, come on, look at me on the eyes,

but I understood.

I knew why right away.

I clocked that.

And yeah, so I feel like I saw him really early on

and he didn't see me each getting.

We looked each other in the eyes

and just had that silent connection

of just feeling seen, right?

Then and there and just a moment

of being completely present.

And when you kiss one another like that,

it doesn't matter if it's pics or makeouts,

that is such a quick way

to just get in your body, drop in,

and then get to do in it.

So something for you to try, man.

And after listening to questions,

you're gonna get to, yeah.

You're like, please don't say my name.

Just don't say my name in your podcast.

Okay.

And after this episode, I'm gonna give a couple tips

by the way, not like topic of the hour,

just a quick little segment after listening to questions

of what we can do to ensure both people are getting off.

I know we talk about remedies that are like outside of sex,

like outside of it or medication or penis pump.

Something you're doing outside of the bedroom.

But let's talk about what we can do like in the act

or like I'm two minutes, like right then.

What can we do technique wise to last longer?

What are some tools that could help?

Literal tools that I can go by right now

that are gonna make in a more pleasurable bedroom experience.

So stay tuned for that.

Moving on really quick.

We gotta land this intro plane.

Are we wanna hear more from what you,

really, yeah, we do wanna hear more

from the listener at the start end.

No more toilet bowl shit stains.

That was a woman that wrote that.

Woo!

I was like, okay, and the women that are like,

what do you mean for you?

We all poop.

Ladies, if you get up and poop and you notice you did that,

like, no, women don't, a woman wouldn't leave that.

I don't feel like.

And I feel like you have to have an aggressive poop to do that.

So girls don't leave shit stains.

So I don't even know what I'm saying.

They don't do that.

Men, and you know what, if that's your biggest problem,

like, things are so good, girl.

More sex.

It's crushing her going through menopause.

I'm lost.

Click subscribe to the podcast, okay?

Maybe to the Patreon too.

Stick around here.

More opportunities for connection and growth together.

Guess what?

You're in charge, make time for them.

See, I just got hung up on being more affectionate.

We're flying through these.

I'd like to actually have sex again.

Beliefs and habits that work for them

don't for you as a woman.

Hmm, let's pause.

Beliefs and habits that work for them

don't for you as a woman.

Ah, okay.

I needed the epiphany.

We're hanging, we're facetiming, meaning

the beliefs and the values that I hold, he doesn't.

Or you're like, no, you got it wrong.

Try again, Jordan.

His beliefs that work for him and habits.

That's, and they don't for you.

So that is tricky and complicated, but necessary.

Now, can you coexist peacefully

and honor one another's beliefs and habits?

Example, I'm type B.

And my husband, while I wouldn't label him type A,

is type A in a lot of areas of his life.

It has taken my husband me demanding him

to learn and understand what ADHD is.

If it's me reading the fucking book out loud

or putting an audible on in his car,

push play baby, push play.

To understand how our minds work and operate

and reading scattered minds, the origin

healing of ADHD, I'll keep you posted.

Join the Patreon for any like side notes.

My hormone journey, I should have an ADHD journey

on their erotica, quickies, patrons where it's at.

We have different defaults, auto pilots, habits,

preferences, not so like opposite

where we're like, holy shit, we're incompatible.

But there are very big differences

between me and my husband, completely.

And just beliefs about things as far as how we grew up,

you know, definitely.

I think you are able to navigate that

if you both want to navigate that.

And if it's something you're both hung up on,

you may continue to.

I vote you find what works for you.

And that's all that matters, right?

If his beliefs and habits work for him

and they don't for you, why?

Is it because you feel like it's more male prone?

It's a difference in personality type.

Is it something you're finding yourself resistant to?

I think where I'm getting caught up

is like beliefs and habits.

Habits, I understand, right?

You create habits, you break habits.

Is it a habit that serves you?

My husband, you know, it's so easy.

He will clean as he goes.

And I try, I do clean as I go,

but I have to be thinking about it, right?

Or like if I was home alone

or my husband went out to town,

he's going to motorcross or supercross something soon.

I'm not gonna pick up until I know

he's three hours from home.

So, you know, and if he loves you and you love him,

you will look past your differences.

Like my husband obviously wishes

that I was OCD neat like he has, but I'm not.

And that's not a deal breaker.

I work at it and gotten tremendously better.

Like if someone walked into my home,

they would say your home is super fricking clean.

Super fricking clean.

Is it up to a military standard?

Is it a staged model home?

No, but I have to say, honey, honey, we live here.

We live here.

So, okay.

Just, let's just do like a couple more.

Mr. Match libido's obviously stick around.

I know you are.

I would love for my wife to give me BJs stick around.

I think there's a lot of,

I got a lot of that husband's wishing

that their wives would give them oral.

And I know this is the horny housewife,

so you might not be around here,

but there are so many wives that don't.

So if your wife does, go give her a big ol' kiss.

Say thank you for sucking it.

Wish you was as horny as I am for her,

join the club,

become more comfortable asking for what I want, do it.

I wish we both took better care of ourselves

instead of only focusing on the others and kids.

Guess what?

You said it first.

You said it first.

All of these things are shit.

If I just said yours, stick around.

Those are topics we talk about here.

I just blew it up on affection.

So, that's what another intro will be for.

Let's dive into listener questions.

If you want to write in a question

where we can keykey about something

that's going on in your life,

truly anonymously go to the hornyhousewifepodcast.com

and click ask anonymously the name

and the email part of the forum are optional.

So, type away.

Let's get into today's episode.

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you oh you guys I just checked my listener questions

la la la la la listener questions welcome the last one I got was at 1 a.m.

what the fuck I just wanted to jerk off with some girl talking

Carl Lisi we don't do that here she'll can't know I did it for showing

is there a Mrs. Lisi you're like oh see I'm a girls girl proved it okay for real

listener question number one I just blew that man up on his butt he'll hold me probably never

now okay real question number what where did it go okay oh god so I am dating the man I have been with

for three years now the situation is incredibly hard because I love this man our issue is in the

bedroom he has difficulty finishing finishing and told me it's because of a surgery that he had

about a decade ago we've had sex a few times where he's not able to climax though he always make

sure that I do later he told me that he fantasizes about anal and that will help him finish faster

okay y'all busted my ass y'all gave me a very hard time y'all told me oh she knows so much about

relationships but what an ignorant downtime when it comes to this topic about men and I'm going

to address I and an episode I think it was 147 but recently there was one two there was recently

an episode where someone said that I said oh we must be gay you must be gay and guys I didn't just

say oh he got soft he must be gay like I don't think let me finish the question how about that

how about we call all that out and we end where I said that help some finish faster and I went

oh hold there okay Jordan you just think everybody's gay no I don't and we're gonna talk about that

one time he played with my butt I didn't mind it it was fun and he was eventually able to finish

even though it took some time since then he said that anything involving anal turns him on the

most and makes that easier for him to climax the problem is I've told him I don't like it I've

tried it before it is not for me it do not enjoy it and I get nothing out of it recently during

dirty talk he said he wants anal to be our new normal that really annoyed me because I was

clear from early on I don't like it I don't think this is really easy to get anywhere you get

now I feel pressured it seems like he needs it to get off and that makes me feel unsatisfied

sexually I want to be with someone who gets turned on my having sex with me not by a specific

fantasy that I don't even enjoy incompatible incompatible things are happening there I don't

want to feel like I have to perform something I dislike so you can climax you answered your

questions waiting he answered it at the same time he's great in so many other ways it doesn't

matter he can be your gay best friend I'm just kidding I'm really confused I'd appreciate some

bias especially from older people who have been how have been to something similar what would

you do in my position how do you handle section incompatibly incompatibility when everything else

seems good okay so I do not think you're compatible and it's so easy to get in this mindset

of like but what if I don't find another person what if I end up alone forever what if everyone

else sucks and that is when I want you to hold on to this mindset of if we're meant to back get

beat together we'll come back together if we're meant to people find our way do I always believe

that no I don't know I shouldn't say that but it's true but it's because you can move on you can

get over people there are people that have been married to the love of their life they're so

made and then someone died or someone cheated or they broke up but let's say they died are they

never gonna find someone again that's not true they find people people move on people move on

you think it'll kill you and it doesn't and you live and people find love again we've seen it

enough like last week's episode when I said you get to an age where you start to realize like okay

I'll bounce back I'll get through this this fucking sucks but I've seen the valleys I've seen the

highs I've have gone through this confusion I've felt this doubt I've felt this hopeless I've felt

this so now I know I live but I keep going so if you break up with this guy you said you're looking

people that are older than you to answer it sounds like you're young with a lot of life ahead of you

now I wanted to say that I got a comments of feedback from people regarding a recent episode and then

one the man mentioned 147 and a love he's talking about the most recent one or before then where

a man was going soft and like maybe he's gay now I said maybe he's gay because of eight other

context clues not because he can't perform there are extremely straight as an arrow that just straight

bisexual gay men that can't perform and it has nothing to do because they're on nothing to do

with the person the other person it has nothing to do with them not having a desire they're a man

who are like I am so horny and my body isn't working so to the man who was like and from 147 to now

it's been 100 episodes almost like growth I am not a man I am I don't there's the majority I don't

know right I've got a lot to learn and I'm sharing as a sissy as from my own experience I do like

to read a lot so I've got some like knowledge I can pass on there regurgitating my own opinions

experience from friends I have a lot of friends older than me yeah so you like it you'll

soul show up 1500 reviews and I still got a 4.7 please save me a review a written 5 star review

an apple podcast thank you so yeah do I maybe think he might be gay yeah like I have a gay paranoia

okay and like are you gay no but I do and it was passed on to me by my mother she thought

everybody was gay she's like oh you slept with Colby he's gay I think he's gay baby he's gay

baby Tim's gay Tim's gay you'll find out he's gay Tim never got married so Tim baby

no he had a giant giant penis couldn't keep it in his pants probably gay anyhow

anyhow I just the if I had been with him that long and loved him that much and I'd been together

with him for multiple years and he said that it felt so comfortable enough to like

dirty talk and talk I would be like baby are you gay baby I love you I'll stay with you I want to

mail me all female before we leave if we have to break up do you want to live in your marriage

are you rich if he was rich and when to marry you and like wanted to keep it on the down low

so holds like a dream like a girl's dream Barbie dream house I don't want to imagine um

ask him just ask him and he might lie but his facial expression might not he's a terrible liar

definitely ask him just see his reaction does he freak out does he get really defensive does he

get embarrassed and I know you can not be gay and feel embarrassed and upset by that question

but you could go hey I love you obsessed with you I don't care if you're if you're by I'm still

I'm right here I'm not going anywhere if that's how you feel but go I can't help but ask myself

the question like you have penis and you really like bubbles is there a chance like would you ever

want to go near a man's butthole no no because you seem to have no interest in my pussy and it

doesn't get you off and so that that's where I'm like is is is none of the woman the woman part of

you doing anything for him you know what I'm saying you know I'm saying because then we can

rule the buyout you know like there are bisexual men who are aroused by all of that okay but if

like if that's not doing anything for him if this man literally cannot get off unless you are

rolled over and there's just a butthole then I think that it's okay for that to raise questions can

we not be shamed for asking legitimate questions so that is how I feel and like let's think about

you what's the cost if this wasn't this question and someone was asking me like I hate Enel

my husband likes it like I wish I was down I'm knocked down at all I hate it like thoughts I would

give you all the tips of like here's how we can get to hating this to enjoying it because I know

and not because anybody pressured me or told me I should like it all on my own discovery on my own

terms so that's a different conversation I don't want to have the conversation of telling you

how you may like it I'll tell you this there are lots of girls who love a little finger tap

and when it's not comfortable with penetration they actually love a finger tap there are girls

who love a finger but they don't like penis so you know that's an indicator of like oh I could work

myself up and have a really awesome experience and a really great orgasm because it's different

and if it's an absolute no I would reflect on like the why is it all because of discomfort because

there are ways this could be a comfortable pleasurable experience but it requires a whole lot

of foreplay and you're not going to feel connected and blossoming and open and horny and aroused if you

aren't feeling in tune with your body and connected if you're feeling pressured and scared and

fearful and doubting if this guy's even into you then it's not going to work out you're not going

to have that pleasurable anal experience because in your head the dialogue is like I'm bracing

myself or something I don't like I feel pressured does this guy even like me it like what is this

some performance exactly what you said so if you wanted to get to a place where you actually

enjoyed that and that was something that was pleasurable for you we've got a lot of groundwork

to cover and we have an obstacle and it's your gay boyfriend just kidding but I would take a break

go no contact for six months let me know what happens okay love you see that was helpful next

question last but not least because we got to talk about some things I gotta give you some tips

before I start this question please do not berate me I know I've been a terrible life don't say

that please do not confirm that fact for me okay well wait 11-year relationship seven-year marriage

open for three a four-year-old son open oh so you had a baby really fucking not long after we

got married I realized I was not satisfied so I asked him about three sums and he said it never

why do we go for unsatisfied to adding a person not just but I bothered him about it until

they gave up and we had one with another man you really got lucky none of you that only made

our sex life worse than before shocker shocker eventually I demanded we start swinging okay I'm not

gonna call you bad wife he declined but again I was able to talk him into it after only a few times

of going the group told me that we weren't welcome anymore because my husband kept abruptly leaving

in the middle of it and was making them all uncomfortable it sounds like a great group we argued

for a while about how him embarrassing me I'm gonna be mean to you I'm so sorry he reclused

himself for a few days yeah because this man is being pressured and to do something that he doesn't

want to do and his wife the person who should be his partner and like you're supposed to be there

for him and I'm your sister to come in clutch telling you baby girl if this was vice versa I was

say this is a piece of shit man like fuck this dude for pressuring you and being a dick and so

you obviously you started with I've been a terrible wife let's just talk about you as a person

character of this is the person you love like like you're making your bed you might have to

lie in it and I would know this going he left because he was uncomfortable and you should have

followed him uh he reclused for the next day yeah I would recluse to the next time we speak I

brought up wanting an open marriage man there's no saving you and he agreed straight away if it meant

I did not harass him endlessly until he agreed anyways oh like oh uh no one told you started it

like that I was able to get one night stands and fuck buddies relatively easy while he was getting

nothing for me be of a sex addiction I went through a long string of partners and he presented me

for it he was loveless and broken around July last year he met a group of younger people all in

their 20s and they all took a shine to him in particular a girl who will call Vicki Vicki

probably felt bad for this motherfucker she was like his wife's not having all this fun being a horror

let me make Robbie feel a little something he started sleeping with her the day they met and has

been ever since for almost a year and a half oh I've met Vicki she's gorgeous creative intelligent

a bubbly PhD student it looks a hell of a lot like his biggest celebrity crush I think this is called

karma oh my god I wasn't snooping originally but I knocked his computer mouse and saw a Facebook

conversation between them talking about how much he regrets marrying me how he hates the open

relationship but is glad and meant they too could meet I didn't mention the conversation but I

asked him about closing the marriage and to say he wasn't interested is an understatement he said

that I asked for this and I can't close it now because he's getting attention and I don't like it

facts this isn't a marriage just on one person's terms no matter what so let's not do this whole

I'm horrible and don't want to be told I'm horrible let's just go over facts facts are you asked you

you have been let's commend you you've been incredibly transparent and honest with how this started

you didn't hold back you didn't paint it in a light that you said you berated you pressured you

demanded okay so props to you for taking accountability in your role and now what happens to

adults to kids to anybody there's natural consequences okay so not to say they're gonna last

no I mean maybe I would let go I'd completely let go and I know I just said if you find your way back

you will but that resentment if it was me I'd want to close the chapter and I'd want to go out

taking accountability let's finish this but here's the kicker since he met Vicki he's been all

around a better man a father a husband because he has met a woman who has encouraged and inspired

him to be the best version of himself he probably wants to marry that woman all of the affection

lust and passion from the beginning is back on his end and it's better than ever wait a second with

you y'all have that so he's gaining two cups filled interesting interesting but I feel like a piece

of shit I feel like Adolf Hitler himself from grinding down the man I love into a mere shell of

himself only for him to become better than he ever was from the emotional support of another woman

you clocked it I know this is my fault but I don't want an open marriage anymore I hate saying this

but it's almost like your shit out of luck he didn't want one in the beginning and he was shit

out of luck sounds like you're both not on the same page and if you keep demanding your way he's

gonna leave you he might already leave you I know this is my fault but I don't want an open

marriage anymore she's stealing him for me and I deserve it I've truly learned my lesson I will be

a better wife I promise who you don't why don't I mean I'm dying with jealousy I want him to

be mine again this is the lowest position I've ever been and I'm willing to do whatever it takes

to make myself better I know what you have to do and repair I know I've been awful please don't

to be nasty to me I've been paying the price and we'll pull this crap again the thing is is

unfortunately when we're adults we don't always get to do the thing we do with our parents when we

beg and we plead and we beg and we plead and you can beg and plead with who you call a creator

God universe whatever you can plead with your husband but do you want someone to be with you out

of obligation or because they actually want to be with you you are the one who when the going

went going went rough or what is it when it got tough you saw external validation and he chose not

you have dragged this through this you have dragged him through this journey and what he's found

along the journey he found one thing that didn't bring him shame embarrassment resentment he found

someone who hyped him boosted him liked him loved him encouraged him and I don't know what the

dynamic is maybe she's not monogamous maybe she has another thing I don't know what that dynamic

is maybe she's a swing I don't know so maybe he can't have her in his full capacity so he keeps

what's going on maybe he's waiting for the kids to grow up I am what what sparks my curiosity

and I'm intrigued and I don't know I don't know why and I would love to know and have deeper

understanding why his passion is back up at home maybe it's just a byproduct of him feeling

secure in a relationship where he has real romantic feelings his life is going better and he can

still have a physical and or emotional mental physical connection with you maybe he's able to have

that and compartmentalize those relationships maybe the one that brings him joy and fulfillment

is with her we don't know if I don't know if when he's doing it with you is it compartmentalized

and he's making love to his wife or he's having fun with you because you had a moment or is it

something to check a box and he's thinking about her and near the person he can get the release

with I don't know we don't know I would have a very radically honest uncomfortable torturous if you

ask me conversation and discover in the truth which will hurt but it's better than you not knowing

and skating through and being delusional and ending up with your life blown up and you may think

it's blown up already there's more to blow up this marriage could be the end this could be him

and Vicki writing off into the sunset and Vicki's the new stepmom so what I would do is I let go

I would emotionally and physically and all of it let go but I wouldn't let go without telling him

that you're taking action and letting go saying all the realizations that I've come to

you I don't know what to do with them because I'm not in control and take accountability everything

you said to me you need to say to him but you need to add in so you don't look like a pathetic

pathetic person woman because that isn't cute either you need to take your power back you need to

go what I did was wrong and selfish and there's a part of me that hates myself for it so I need

to go work on forgiving myself and processing how I destroyed our marriage I will forever regret this

I know what I want as of right now but it seems we aren't aligned and that there is someone

else making you happy I am now a believer in in monogamy is the only way for me of what it really

means to be a writer die and how I haven't emulated that or been that I have an idea of what that

looks like and it's nothing that I've demonstrated and between me and you girl you don't know what

that looks like because you haven't done it even a little bit even a little bit they're women and

men listening to the show right now that are miserable when they're marriage they're women and

men listening that don't like their sex life that are really unsatisfying in multiple areas of

their marriage and they're not doing that so it's doable it's doable and people have found their

back when they go through that valley and don't choose to go filter a cup of via a way that is

destructive to the marriage right we can all have like vices and do things then maybe

aren't the healthiest thing for us but they're not going to dagger the marriage you go and I'm saying

so sounds like you have accountability to take to him I would I would go I would let that man be

let his dignity return and if he comes back around consider yourself the luckiest girl in the

whole white world but this one sometimes it's a it's too far gone and I rarely ever say that but

too far gone okay onward onward Christian owners okay I want to talk to y'all a little bit give

some quick tips this isn't going to be long but what you could do in the bedroom right now to

make it better make it better let's not give it just one line last longer yes get her off

it when you already came men I have a lot of men to listen to the show one way is the shower

did you think I was going to say that or did you not think I was going to shout I know you didn't

know I was going to come out of my mouth and I was going to say the things I say all the time

the shower the shower the shower the shower I'm going to get graphic but it's okay so

if you've had babies let's just talk about our vaginas for one second in the shower when you've

been in there for a while and you're fucking what happens can you feel this sensation the same as

if you're outside of the bedroom we know the answer is no right men when you're having sex with

your wife does it feel a little bit different still really really great Derek's favorite place to

do it is in the shower and I know one of the reasons is because you can last longer in the shower

so that is one place to try because a you're going to need your uber loop in there if you're doing

any anal play whatsoever the shower including your pussy the shower just like rinses off

all natural lubrication so the asshole doesn't solve lubricate I said that I should make a t-shirt

that says that basically I said it so many times the asshole is not so lubricating I should

fucking make a t-shirt I would never ever wear it but I should the asshole is not so lubricating

but your pussy also that wetness just so that's the one shitty thing about the shower but once

you have uber loop in your life nothing a shitty anymore nothing because it stays in place

even in the shower I love it Godspeed shower bringing in your suction cup dildo in the shower say

it still ends early anywhere you got a hard floor you got a wall you got a mirror don't break the

folding the mirror please suction cup dildo back up put it on the floor write it there are so many

ways he could be using the dildo while he is eating you out so I know his dicks back there he could

be eating you out while using it there's so many ways to get a vibe in mutual masturbation and

a way to achieve the final result that we're looking for men wanting to last longer you could

become edge masters so edging during focusing just on her and now women if he is eating you out to

give you pleasure to bring you to the finish line and he goes soft let's talk about this okay

I saw a tick-tock where a it was a podcast and the host was asking and I've been on her podcast

too she's wonderful he made it at me her guest was saying like why do women get in their heads

about when guys go soft and she's like that is a problem like why isn't he turned on in a

rouse by what he's doing what the hell no that is 25 year old mentality in os bells now stimulation

guys simulation you I'm urging you not to be offended when you see a man not be hard or

direct while he's eating you out if he is focusing on pleasureing you he is focused on

pleasureing you and that does not just by default mean he's out aroused by me he's not turned

on by me why is it not hard he's eating me out doesn't he like women what so those are our

prefrontal lobe thoughts so if you're still having them in your mid 30s and you're still thinking

something is wrong with him because he's not while he's eating you out then I just need to wake

up and smell the coffee nothing to do with you remember the time in our lives when maybe you

still do think that if a man takes viagra it's because you aren't enough we don't subscribe to

that that is not true that is a personal problem and not even always a problem sometimes it's a

good thing sometimes you love that blue shoe dick and you don't even know it okay so not about you

this isn't about you I mean I said could be about you and that's where we get in our head but no

I'm talking to married people people in long term relationships that's my demographic and

he's focused on you so hey there's no stimulation it's not being touched a breeze is blowing

by it's a little bit cold actually and so hey when you're on your knees girly pop for your man your

husband your boyfriend I know that we can you know corn taught us we can put on our performance we

can look a certain way we can touch ourselves all those things but who's getting off who is

just from soaking wet second end you know so take a step back look and realize oh stay present

just enjoy what's going on and be in your body quit worrying about if all these boxes are checked

and it's all working out for him it is hotter when each person is in their body while you're doing

so just as I know got it make sure you know in your clock in it that oh I am not going to be

deeply insecure when I look down and see that it's flaccid when he's doing all this stuff to me

kind of makes me think of that question where he was like my wife telling me I'm focused too much

on her you know sometimes when you just want to see you be selfish lovers believe it or not

now if we're heavy leaning on one way of course not do the opposite whatever you do the most of

and you're not doing this little section highlight that section give it a little life because

you always talk bad about selfish lovers right but if you're just always the most generous the

most gentle the most sweet one the most thoughtful sometimes we want just a little bit of bad

boy to just sneak in surprises like the super submissive woman you don't expect her to like

push him down and rip his clothes off you know 80 20 split baby girl baby boy now

lots of women are trying to achieve and men are trying to last longer so women you're like I

just want to be able to that is dropping into your body so if you are not the person who brings any

toys in the bedroom you don't need to go on a vibe strike because you don't have you abuse the vibe

bring in the vibe bring in the vibe practice what you want to bring into the bedroom with your spouse

solo oh that's where I'm at for anybody doesn't matter there's there's nothing you're not there's

no right there's no wrong there's no look there's no aesthetic it is individual solo time figure out

how it feels good what works for you what lube you like try it on every part of your body don't

just take it right here try start it here started on your neck think I'm weird try it watch how

your body drops in that's where we're going for meditation have you ever heard of the oh method

with manifestation so quit thinking about your husband cheating on your every time you come just

kidding men who are wanting to last longer grab some pop star delay spray go in the bathroom two

minutes beforehand spray it on let it dry down it's the highest strength of light a cane available

on the market and the product is intended to dry down and not transfer and do which job so we

love that pop stars got lots of great products they've got the supplement that makes your cement

taste better that's one way to be a better lover in a bigger load that's hot and then the

delay spray which is just like I said this whole segment is about what can we grab use nearby grab

your delay spray that's that's a sure fire way to close the orgasm gap doctor developed and

formulated pop star labs dot com forward slash horny house five that will get you 20% off so

if you do want to shop that the link is in the episode notes below code horny house I will get you

20% off so you know 50% of women are getting off every time they have sex so we want to do all we

can to close that gap and women not being the opposite of a cheerleader in bed sometimes you

know you see porn and you think they just want screaming vocal blah blah blah there is a happy

medium there is too many words dirty talk great there I would say there's even such thing as like okay

that's taking too far there's a little too many too many words now you can vibe it and see how

it's going with your partner if you see your man edging or like breath work don't grab him pull

him back in unless you're okay with him exploding truly for some men ladies it's one more stroke

it's if they would have put it back in one more time came over so sucking his dick why am I

whispering because there's people in my house without using your hand I'm always like use your hand

use your hand use your hand if you want him to last longer and you have a habit of it going

quicker than you want you're not gonna use your hand you're not you're gonna do all the tricks

and things and lick and suck but you're not gonna put that extra in it because we're not trying

to race him home trying to suck his dick so he gets off you use the hand game over you want to suck

as a foreplay you're like I want to do all the things but we can't because he doesn't last long

enough you can you can still put it in your mouth don't use your hand you can sit on him without

putting it in and use his dick as a friction my friction girl is where you at you can use the

head of his dick to stimulate your clitoris you can use the head of his dick to stimulate multiple

areas down there you can work on just the first two inches you can get very creative of how you

can stimulate and pleasure one another that isn't just pv pv pv balls deep explosion okay let's

get creative and the more creative and the more slow you are you grab her love honey g-spot and

you grab her ear oh ha Sasuki aka come hither toy you work on her you pleasure map her pleasure

mapping pleasure mapping pleasure mapping this is how you're gonna do this build up you're not

gonna worry about if he's hard while he's pleasure mapping you because boy oh boy he's gonna be

hard when he explodes okay so always to slow down be present drop in your body get the toys get

the loop get in the shower grab the delay spray and have a good time did i inspire you i

inspired you i love you long time leave me a review on apple podcast five stars write a review

spotify leave me a rating follow me on social media at thpod and i will see you all next week

the sun shining birds are singing and all feels right in the world

until the season changes and suddenly you lose your motivation to get out of bed in fact one in

five people experience some form of depression no matter the season or time of year at the American

psychiatric association foundation our vision is to build a mentally healthy nation for all

because we want you to live your best life and be your best you all year round

please visit mentally healthy nation dot org to learn more