342: Discovering Your Communication Type with Jason VanRuler

I am truly so excited for this episode because, honestly, it felt like a little therapy session for me, and I really hope that it gives you some aha moments too! I am talking with Jason VanRuler about his book Discovering Your Communication Type: The Five Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger Relationships, and right from the start as I read it, I was hooked. I could see how the insights would help me with my husband, my kids, and my friendships because it’s practical, relatable, and so surprisingly accessible - like someone finally saying, “Here’s how this actually works,” without all the jargon!

Jason walks us through the five communication styles that make up his PATHS model - Peacemaker, Advocate, Thinker, Harbor, and Spark - and he explains how our words are driven by different motivations: maintaining peace, standing up for what’s right, being logically correct, protecting feelings, or bringing energy and momentum. He and I get into how knowing your style (as well as the styles of those around you) can truly change your conversations, especially when conflict or stress shows up. I had one of those aha moments when I realized that I have been showing up in relationships in ways I think are expected of me, instead of who I am actually wired to be, and yes, that includes my husband and me missing each other mid-conversation more than I’d like to admit.

We also discuss how these patterns can also have strong impacts on parenting, friendships, and even self-care, and one story that hit me hard was realizing that holding out my “I got this, let me help you” sign often keeps people at arm’s length because vulnerability feels too risky. Learning to express my needs without fear has been such a huge game-changer. Listen as Jason shares some practical tips for seeing differences as gifts, understanding where misunderstandings come from, and how intentional awareness can make every conversation more meaningful. By the end, I felt so inspired to rethink how I show up, listen, and allow people in without expecting them to mirror me exactly. If you have ever wanted a roadmap for connecting more authentically with the people in your life (family, friends, colleagues, or even yourself), then this episode is full of insights that really stick, and be sure to grab a copy of Discovering Your Communication Type!

In This Episode

[0:35] - Today’s conversation is with Jason VanRuler, author of Discovering Your Communication Type.

[2;28] - I open up and admit that Jesse and I sometimes misunderstand one another mid-conversation.

[3:47] - Jason explains his five paths.

[5:19] - I reflect on having realized that I balance advocacy with a learned harboring to meet others’ expectations.

[7:49] - Early-life communication patterns often resurface during stress, helping to explain misunderstandings in adult interactions.

[9:14] - Jason notes that awareness of our communication style allows us to give and receive meaningfully.

[11:58] - Hear how I have recognized that accepting care for myself felt as vulnerable as asking for it.

[14:07] - Hear how Jason realized expressing needs clearly allows others to love and support more fully.

[17:02] - Sharing vulnerability with multiple people enriches life and strengthens relationships.

[19:43] - Jason and I talk about how understanding and valuing different communication styles strengthens relationships and lessens conflict.

[22:02] - Effective communication requires listening, understanding others’ perspectives, and adjusting your approach for each situation!

[25:45] - Jason reflects that healthy relationships require patience, mutual effort, and embracing others’ timelines.

[29:08] - Hear how writing prompted Jason to recognize the value of outside perspectives for self-awareness.

Links & Resources

Crystal Paine

Books

Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger Relationships by Jason VanRuler

Social Media

Crystal Paine on Instagram (@moneysavingmom)

Crystal Paine on Instagram (@crystaliscleaning)

Crystal Paine on LinkedIn

Crystal Paine on Twitter

Crystal Paine on Goodreads

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