#3579: Hesitation Is Disqualification

Power presence calibration exists. It is not training. It is not coaching. It is for

people already operating under consequence. And that's not you. Ignore this. Information

is in the episode description. You speak with certainty. You act with certainty. You

achieve with certainty. If you carry yourself that way, people respond to that.

Work on your game. Work on your game. This is Dre Balder. And work on your game. This

is a system that turns discipline into dominance. Today's topic is hesitation. It's

disqualification. This is a very important topic. Specifically for those of you in

business. Those of you in sales who close your own deals. Those of you who are

entrepreneurs who negotiate and create leverage for and decide on what deals you're

going to go with. Those of you men who are out there in the open dating markets. Meeting

women, wanting to meet women, talking to women, asking women out, et cetera. Hesitation

is a disqualification. And in many other aspects of life, the surprise as well. I'm just

giving a few examples, but there are many. Dating outcomes, for example, understand

this gentleman. Dating outcomes are decided before the conversation begins. Before you say

a word, the woman has already made a decision. And one way you can help her make a decision

to tell you know is for you to hesitate. Easiest way to get a woman to say no or decide

no. Actually, before she says anything, the easiest way to get her to decide no in a

place is called approach situation where you would be approaching and you're interested

in taking the conversation somewhere or asking for a date or whatever it is you're asking

for. Easiest way to get a no before you even start talking is to hesitate. When you hesitate

internally, because some of you may be thinking, well, Drey, yes, sometimes I do hesitate

but I'm only hesitating in my own mind. I'm hesitating in my thought, but I'm not hesitating

in form. Meaning she didn't see the hesitation. I just hesitated and thought I was just overthinking

it, but I still have a clean slate with her because I didn't do anything. She didn't

see anything. So it was all good, right? Wrong. Let me tell you why. When you hesitate

internally, you do tell on yourself. Remember everybody, 85% of communication is number.

Most of your communication is not in what you say out of your mouth. You communicate through

your thoughts and your thoughts communicate to others not because they can read your mind.

The thoughts communicate through your body language and there are small micro adjustments

that human beings make through body language that you may not even realize that you're making

and other people could not point out and explain to you that you did it. But on a nonverbal

level, you did it. They read it and energetically, they respond to it. Even though you don't

see that response, there is a response. And all of that added up your nonverbal conversation

that you're putting out, even when you think you're hiding it, you think it's only going

on in your head, but it's actually showing up in your body. And the nonverbal perception

that they have, even though they don't realize that they're having a perception, they are

leads to what comes out of your mouth and what comes out of her mouth. So when a woman

declines or it tells you no for whatever reason, even if she is technically available, it's

not because of something that you said is because something that you did that you thought

you didn't show. You thought she only heard your words. No, she saw the actions. Again,

unconsciously, if you ask her, she can tell you what she saw. Most people couldn't tell

you what they saw. But if you just keep in mind, if you accept the reality that 85% of

communication is nonverbal, if you are listening to this and you accept that, 85% of communication

is nonverbal, then that means you should also accept that the things that you think leak

out in your behaviors, micro expressions, eye contact, posture, body language, the way you step,

the way you breathe, and your blinkery. All of these things are communicating on a subconscious

available to everybody else out there. Most people can't tell you consciously what they're seeing,

but they are seeing it and they are responding to it. And the words may save one thing, but there's

a whole lot more behind those words that are not being said. That's the topic here today.

When you hesitate internally, you tell me yourself through timing, posture, and restraint

that you won't even notice that you did. You go watch yourself on camera, you wouldn't

even notice it. But feels like faultfulness internally registers as uncertainty externally.

This is not a good thing. When you're overthinking a situation, you hesitate that one beat of

hesitation makes a difference. Point number one. Today's topic once again, hesitation is

disqualification. Number one, when you hesitate, other people do notice it, and this is how they read.

They read your hesitation as a low level of conviction and a low level of confidence.

They don't read it as you being respectful or taking your time or whatever other rationalizations

you may want to give for it. And listen, I talked to a lot of men and I've had many men give me some

rationalization of their hesitation to take action by calling it, being thoughtful, not moving too

fast, not being too bold and brash, not being arrogant, not being a jerk, not being too forward,

taking my time, gathering more information, making sure I'm approaching at the right time. I hear

all this kind of stuff that men say for the most part is all bunch of bullshit. When you do this,

other people are noticing they read it as you being low in conviction, meaning you don't really

believe what you're about to do. That's why you hesitate to do it. If you really believe what you're

about to do, there's no hesitation. There's not, you're not even thinking. If you really believe

what you're doing, you're not thinking at all. Back in my basketball days, I'll have athletes come

to me and say, Drake, I practice all these moves from these drills that you do. When I get into

a game, what should I be thinking in order to do the moves at the best way and do them quickly,

or do moves like Kyrie Irving or Derek Rose and Kobe Bryant and things like that? And as

it was always the same, there's the same thing I would say to you men out there right now.

When you go into a sales meeting or you go to give a presentation or you're going to talk to a girl

at the bar, by that point, you shouldn't be thinking at all. There's nothing to think about.

And when I'm walking to the backstage area before I step on space, stays to give a keynote,

I'm not thinking about anything. I've already done my thinking. My thinking's been done.

Think time's over. Now is the time to perform. The work has already been done. Now is the time to

get it out. If I'm thinking, I'm smelling myself now. If you see a girl you're interested in,

you start thinking about, what should I say? What's she going to say? What's she has a boyfriend?

What's he tells me? No, or is all the people over there? Or is she has a friend with her? What's

supposed to happen to you? As soon as you start thinking, you slow down. And you just blew the moment.

And yes, she did read that hesitation even though she didn't say anything, even though she didn't

point it out. The atmosphere reads these things. And these type of energies, these energetic

communications that human beings are having with each other is a real thing that's happening between

humans, even below the level of words. Because again, just remember that number 85 percent.

Most communication is not verbal. It's not what you say is everything else. And again, since most

people cannot point out the everything else, most people can't explain the everything else.

People try to act as if it doesn't exist. It does exist. That hesitation reads as you don't

believe yourself. And it reads as you are not confident in yourself. And when a woman reads a man

does not believe in herself and not being confident, well, how can she submit to that man?

Would you submit to that man? You may not be a homosexual man, but as just say as a leader.

Could you respect the leader who seems and not believe in what he's saying? He doesn't seem to

have confidence. So you're not really going to respect him as a leader. You're like, this is the guy

who's supposed to follow? You might not say that, but you're thinking, right? Okay. What do you think

she's thinking? So what I was saying is I would tell athletes, when you get in the game, you shouldn't

be thinking about anything. You just let your instincts take over. Let your instincts take over

because you've already done the work. In the fight world, combat sports, UFC, MMA,

bare-knuckle boxing, kickboxing, regular boxing. There's a saying called let your hands go.

What does let your hands go mean? It means that when you get into boxing, you can't think about when

you're going to throw a jab or a left foot or right hand because by the time you think about throwing

a punch, you got hit in the face twice. You just got to have your training take over and let your

skills do the work. You either win or you lose, but you can't be thinking about it because by the time

you get done thinking, you're looking up at the ceiling because you got knocked down or knocked out.

It's the same idea here that I would say to men, you got to have your hands go. When it's time to

make a sales presentation, give a speech or go approach some girl you want to talk to. When you delay,

second guess, or debate internally, you are signaling a lack of certainty and a lack of confidence.

Not only to the people who see you, I eat the girl, but also to yourself. Most importantly,

forget about the girl. Let's say the girl is all the way over there and she hasn't even registered

your existence yet. You saw her, but she did not see you. She really did not see you. So you may

be arguing in your mind right now against everything that I'm saying. Like, Drey, what if the girl

didn't even see me? She doesn't even know what I'm thinking about this. What are you talking about

that is 85% in the universe and this boo-boo shit you're talking about here, Drey? Here's what I say

to you. When you delay second guess and debate internally, guess who knows about it 100%. You do.

Now let me tell you something that you should know. When you delay second guess and debate

internally about doing something and then you actually do it, Rami inform you or remind you

or just ask you to confirm that that debate and delay, there's residue. Your debate and delay

has a residue that you display to the world even if they didn't see you debate delaying and second

guessing. There's a little bit of residue still on you from having done that even though

the people you come across over the course of a day didn't see you do it, that residue is still there.

Do you understand? It's like today I'm recording this right now it's about 430 and I have to know,

about an hour from now I'm going to be at the park with my son somewhere here in Miami and

there are going to be other parents at the park with their kids and I don't know these people,

they don't know me. They don't know my name, they don't listen to the show, they don't follow me on

Instagram, they didn't watch my basketball videos back in the day, nothing. They don't see me at

the park, they don't know me from anywhere. They'll all be able to look at me and tell this guy

goes to the gym. Now they don't know me from anywhere, they don't know my name, they never saw me in a

gym, they don't know what gym I go to, they never saw me lift, they wait, they never saw me run

them out, they never saw me hit a punching bag, but they know that I go to the gym, how do they know,

how do they know? They know because the residue of the fact that I go to the gym is worn on me

without me announcing it. If you go to the gym and I never met you in person but I see you,

I can tell that you go to the gym without you telling me that you go to the gym. Is this true?

Of course it's true. Here's the thing folks, everything that you think, every time you second guess,

every time you hesitate, every time you don't hesitate and you go straight to something and you

carry yourself straight through it with full conviction, there's a little bit of residue of that

activity that lives on you and in you and it comes out in your behavior and your body language

and your posture and your tone and your words. It's just a little bit of residue but it's still

there. It's like a little bit of dust on a lamp shade inside of an auditorium, it's still there

and it wears on you when you talk, you wear it when you talk, it's in your eyes, it's in your tone,

it's in your body language, it's in your posture and these small things that would make the difference

between a yes and a no in a conversation between a sale and a miss sale, between audience getting

your message and your audience not quite getting your message. Understand folks that attraction

doesn't wait for clarity. When you hesitate, people assume that you don't have direction, that you

don't know where you're going, you don't know what you're about and that lack of clarity is

a stronger blow against your success. It's a more of a detriment to your success than saying the wrong

thing or not having the right product or service or not being the right guy or girl or not having

the right offer is that lack of clarity. Attraction follows conviction, attraction follows certainty

and confidence. You're better off being a certain confident in saying something stupid than being

second guess, then second guessing yourself and hesitate and saying the perfect words. Would you agree?

Just think about that. Point number two, today's topic once again is hesitation, signal is

disqualification. Internal conflict leaks before words do, I just explained this in the first point.

When you are internally conflicted, it comes across in your energy and people can read this subconsciously

and they respond to it consciously through what their subconscious is telling them even though they

could not explain to you why they're responding the way they're responding. Most people can't tell you

why they respond the way they do even though the subconscious is giving them a ton of feedback to

have something to do with what they said because most people are not conscious about this stuff. Most

people are only conscious of the words that they hear and the words that they say and for the most

part people forget 98% of the words they hear and say two days after they say it. Internal conflict

leaks before your words week. Unresolved internal negotiation folks shows up in micro behaviors,

people notice even though they cannot point them out because most people don't have this level of

consciousness and these unconscious cues override your stated intentions because remember 85% of

communication is not verbal so if you are second guessing yourself and hesitating and procrastinating

on something then you finally do it. 85% of what you communicate when you finally start speaking

is all those things all that hesitation and second guessing and procrastinating is 85% of what

you say 15% of what you say are the actual words so if your words are perfect they get washed out by

85% of hesitation and second guessing and procrastination that is overriding the words that you said

and you're like well no I saw me hesitate procrastinating and second guess you're right but we

could feel it when you finally did talk. That's the thing I want you to get. If you can understand

this then you understand that the things that as the saying goes everything that happens in a dark

shall come to the light. Whatever you're doing in the dark comes to the light not that everybody

knows about it not that they're hidden cameras in your house but because the energetic residue of

whatever you did when you thought nobody was watching still shows when everybody is watching

because you know what happened that's the thing that matters the most is that you know it's not

that everybody else knows that you know and you give it away without even knowing you're giving it away

this is why a person who does all the let's just call them the right things quote-unquote whatever

you consider to be the right things person does all the right things in a dark they feel fully convicted

fully confident and fully aligned in the light they just carried themselves in a certain way like

damn this person so convicted so confident so certain of themselves why is this it's not a secret

there's no secret hack that they have is that when nobody's watching they carried themselves the

same way as they do when everybody's watching and good news is all of you have the option of doing

the same thing human beings responsible here and congruence folks not explanation I'm giving you

this several times over the last week explanation cannot save you when you are not congruent when

you're not certain and when you're not convicted you cannot explain away you can't explain your

way out of that bag your stuff there or out of that box let's call it human beings responds to

conviction coherence congruence congruence meaning what your thoughts words actions outcomes are all

aligned you think that you're certain you speak with certainty you act with certainty you achieve

with certainty if you carry yourself that way people respond to it they don't know why they

respond to it but they respond to it you carry yourself that way all the time you come across

somebody at three in the afternoon on a Wednesday at the mall they will respond to you as if they

know you to be that person even though they have never seen you before in their lives and they will

never see you again why because energy speaks folks 85% of communication is non verbal and it's not

what you say it's all the energy around what you say even if you never speak a word let's remember

what the power presence is the power presence is your ability to be recognized as the authority when

you step into a space without saying a single word and power presence is a reflection of internal

discipline that is expressed physically when you are under stress scrutiny pressure anxiety observation

that's where it comes from I send out a daily motivation text every single morning that is guaranteed

to have you focused sharp and own point to start your day and I promise you you want to receive

this message all you have to do to join my text community is to text me my number three oh five

three eight four six eight nine four once you join we'll tell you all your options for how often

you get text by us and all of that just text me at the number three oh five three eight four six eight

nine four to get that daily motivation point number three today's topic once again hesitation

is disqualification number three hesitation removes polarity by equalizing positions this is

the most important thing that you see if you're really interested and you're gonna step to her and

talk to her as soon as you hesitate you remove polarity you equalize yourself and her as soon as you

hesitate what does that mean let's say I'm out at the bar and I see if you're all interested and I

want to go walk up and talk to her and she sees me looking in her direction and she looks at me maybe

she's interested and her looks as she's interested I'm looking at her I'm interested and I hesitate

to walk over to her as soon as I hesitate I'm equalized myself and herself because in her mind again

unconsciously she sees this even most women probably couldn't explain it a few of them could but most

of them could when she sees that I saw her and she also registers that I registered her book which

means I know that she's interested and she knows and I'm interested but then I don't approach because

the social contract in the Western world is that the man approaches the woman so as soon as she notices

that I don't approach what about just not I have just signaled without words that for whatever reason

I won't walk up to her and start talking to her because maybe something within me is not fully

convicted or fully confident of how this conversation is going to go which means what I on some level

and concerned as to how she is going to respond to me which does what puts us on equal footing because

why would I as the higher status person give a damn how she's going to respond to me because I

shouldn't this how it is in Western society man I don't know if this news interview but this is

what it is if you're a man and you're concerned about how a woman is going to respond to you who

you are about to approach you have this equalize yourself with the woman as soon as you equalize

yourself with the woman you have flattened the asymmetry you have destroyed the polarity and now

you put yourself into the space of this might be a nice guy but you can't be a gosh you can be

attracted to because you just destroyed the polarity by hesitating that one moment of hesitation

tells her that you feel like whatever she says or however she responds means a lot to you because

you hesitate because if you didn't care you wouldn't hesitate you understand see if you don't

care how she responds then you won't hesitate to approach because there's nothing to be nothing

to hesitate about no worst case she says no okay turn around walk away she says yes great turn around

and walk away either way you end up in the same place but if you hesitate then you're saying okay

something about what she says might affect me so let me scroll down before I approach if you

knew that you were guaranteed to get a yes you wouldn't hesitate would you all of you listen to

men and women if you know you're guaranteed to get a yes would you hesitate to do anything

exactly so as soon as you hesitate you're telling the world and yourself that you're concerned that

you might get a no so let me think about what I'm going to do here and make sure I say at the

right way or do it the right way or end or what am I going to do if they say no those are only

things you could possibly be considering let me say or do things the right way and or how am I

going to protect myself emotionally if I get told no but if you are guaranteed there was going to be

a yes there be no reason to hesitate so hesitation already gives away that you are concerned with how

you approach or what you're going to do with their approach doesn't go well because those are

only three options you get a yes this is option one how is this going to go is option two like

somewhere in the engagement and then option three as you get enough but see if you're guaranteed

to get a yes and you don't care how is going to go so option two is irrelevant if you are convicted

with option one you can think to option one option two and three are irrelevant because there's no

way you can get a no and it doesn't matter how it goes because you know it's going to be a yes

no matter what you say because what you say doesn't matter anyway in 85% of communication is

not verbal and most of what people hear they forget within 48 to 72 hours are hearing it anyway

people remember energies not words you understand this people remember energies not words you can

listen to the show every day tell me what I said on the show three days ago most of you can tell me

a single thing I said you don't remember what the episode was but you remember the energy of that

episode whatever I was talking about and that's what brings you back to the next episode not the

words the energy 85% of communication folks hesitation removes polarity by equalizing positions when

you hesitate to approach someone and they notice your hesitation and or they can read your

hesitation coming off you when you finally do approach you have already signaled first of all to

yourself most importantly and secondly to whomever you are approaching that you are concerned with

how the engagement will go and or how you're going to protect yourself if you get told no if you

can turn down remember that attraction is based on asymmetry folks what does asymmetry mean it means

that we are not equal that's what attraction is based on it's based on we are not equals you're not

looking at somebody like hey we're we're peers here you hold yourself at by a certain level and you

expect them to come to where you're at that's what attraction is everybody this person is here I'm

over here and I'm gonna go over there to where they're at that's what a woman is like not that she's

going to approach you what I mean is you approach her but you hold your frame so you're inviting her

into your frame that's what a man is doing you're inviting the woman into your frame you're not

asking her to let you into her frame and many of you men when you hesitate that's what you're doing

you're asking without and not in so many words not with your words but with your energy you are

asking the woman to let you into her frame that's not the way this goes as a man you are inviting her

to join your frame and if she declines to join that's okay because it's your frame okay you don't

want to come in great nice to meet you you turn around you walk away it didn't happen as far as

your mind goes it did happen but it didn't happen as Kevin O'Reary says on Shark Tank you're dead to

me you don't say that to her but that's the way you're thinking okay you said no it's over I forgot

that it even happened I don't even know who you are if she says yes great you ashamed information

and whatever it is supposed to happen it happens but you don't ask to enter her frame that's not

polarity that's cannot be your friend that's two kids playing on a playground that's my son playing

with some four-year-old at the park that's not you when you hesitate the structure of asymmetry

collapses and with there's no asymmetry there's no interest one we can't be interested in man who

doesn't create asymmetry man who treats her as if he needs access to her frame can't be attracted

to that man she may think you're a cute guy she may think you're a nice guy but she can't be attracted

to you because look what you're doing now if you come to her and say hey I have this frame over here

was you like to enter it and you offer her the proposition now she can be attracted to that

because you're asking her to step into your space you're holding the space she steps in or she

chooses not to man that's your role and the western world that's the way it is in case any of you

didn't know that's the way it works I think most of you do understand this and I'm giving you this

because I want you to understand that this is the way that you need to approach it if you want things

to go the way you want them to go too many of you are approaching the hesitation you're not

approaching it actually is the problem it's not that you're approaching in the wrong way is that

you're not approaching you're hesitating and that hesitation wears on you that residue you can smell

it in your clothes as I get you working a food place your clothes smell like food all the time that's

what it is like you hang around smiling smokes your clothes smell like smoke people can smell it coming

off of you that's why you got to kill the hesitation even in the dark so that when you step into the

light there's nothing to think about recapping today's class which is hesitation is a

disqualification number one hesitation is read as low conviction and low confidence the people

do not respect it number two internal conflict leaks before words do remember 85% of

communication is not verbal you are wearing your hesitation and the dark in the light on your sleeve

a number three hesitation removes polarity by equalizing position your concern with what somebody

else is going to say or whether they tell you know or not you're at least equalizing yourself to

them at worst putting yourself lower than them soon as you do that now they have all the momentum

in the conversation and they have control of the frame that you gave it on when you don't hesitate

now you're putting yourself above them and asking them to step into your frame you have all

to control energetically and that energy matters energy is 85% of the job and life is one of the

five forms of investment if this is speaking to you folks go to power presence protocol.com

work on your game there is a private calibration process connected to this work most people should not

look at it it assumes responsibility not curiosity it assumes pressure not interest details are

in the description do whatever you want with that