393. The psychology of stoicism

I'm Demispect, the host of the Psychology of your 20s. Have you ever been at the pharmacy counter and your mind goes blank when the pharmacist asks any questions?

That is why you need to listen to Beyond the Script from CVS Pharmacy and iHeart Media, hosted by Dr. Jake Goodman.

This podcast answers the questions you'd wished you'd asked, like which meds may not work well together, what vaccines you might need before a holiday,

and even some of the questions you're too embarrassed to say out loud. Listen to Beyond the Script on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

Tax season has arrived and doing taxes without the right help can feel overwhelming. Into it Turbo Tax is here now to guide you through it with confidence.

Match with a Turbo Tax Full Service expert who handles everything for you from start to finish. Your dedicated expert checks every single deduction and credit to help you get the best possible outcome so you can feel confident you're getting every dollar you deserve.

And the best part? You'll see real time updates on your expert's progress right on your phone while you live your life. Plus you get unlimited expert help at no extra cost, even on nights and weekends during tax season. Visit TurboTax.com.

Only available with TurboTax full service experts real time updates only on iOS mobile app.

Some people like working twice as hard, just to stay right where they are. And in Ohio, we really don't get it because to us owning a home in your 30s, working in tech without the traffic and still being able to make it to your kids soccer game, sounds pretty good.

In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home. Your move. Learn more at your move Ohio dot com.

Before all of the algorithm fed Bela and the endless sea of jups shopping used to feel more fun, but here's a confession.

You can find that fun feeling again on eBay. It's not mindless scrolling. It's a fashion pursuit. I recently found a dress I've been looking for since I was probably 19 that I saw on a show many moons ago and the feeling was exhilarating.

There's always more to discover on eBay. eBay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by eBay authenticity guarantee. eBay, things people love.

Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter, right? And the best part they accept discover except discover in a little place like this. I don't think so, Jennifer. Oh, yeah, huh. Discover's accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby. Get with the times. Right. So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback. I think discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide.

Based on the February 2025 Nielsen report.

Hello, everybody. I'm Gemma Spake and welcome back to the psychology of your 20s. The podcast where we talk through the biggest changes, moments and transitions of our 20s and what they mean for our psychology.

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. It is so great to have you here back for another episode as we, of course, break down the psychology of our 20s.

Today, we are talking about an ancient philosophy, which I think normally conjures up an image of bottling up your emotions, pretending not to care, pushing through the hard times with notes, signs of suffering, no signs of emotion, you know, rugged man, a stiff upper lip.

That is, of course, the philosophy of stoicism as many of us think we know it. As you will come to discover in this episode, stoicism has a bit of a PR problem.

It is not all about suppressing negative emotions and suffering and silence. It is actually one of the most empowering mindsets that we can develop in our 20s.

Because of how it really helps us just ride the waves of chaos and of change that this decade is going to bring us.

I personally feel like so much of my 20s has involved me trying to control everything and make everything perfect and make everything just as I imagined it.

If you can relate, I feel like this is the episode for you because stoicism basically says, stop forcing it, stop trying to change the things you cannot change.

This 3,000 year old philosophy is all about, instead mastering what we can control, we can control our response to the world, we can control our actions, our attitude, our self control.

So today, let's talk about it, let's break down what we can control, what we can't, the four cardinal virtues of stoicism that being wisdom, justice, courage, temperance, and how exactly you and I can apply them in our 20s and beyond for a more peaceful, centered life.

I also want to talk about, of course, the psychology studies, the neuroscience studies, looking at what stoicism does to our brains.

You know, it is one of the most mentally rewarding and powerful ways of thinking out there, it can literally change what your brain looks like.

And I think a lot of modern interpretations don't necessarily cover that and don't necessarily let us see that.

So I'm so excited for this episode without further ado, let's get into the psychology of stoicism.

Let's begin with something actually separate to the psychology we normally focus on.

Let's talk about the history of stoicism. So the philosophy of stoicism, it first appeared during what is called the Hellenistic period.

That's around like 400, 300 BC and it was created by this man called Zeno of Sittium.

Zeno, Zeno, not too short, but let's go with Zeno of Sittium and he was a very wealthy rich man and he miraculously survived the shipwreck.

And then after the shipwreck, he came back to Athens whilst he was there, he was feeling very enlightened by this near death experience.

Also a little bit bored, so he went into a bookshop and he found the writings of a very famous philosopher called Socrates, who you may probably have heard of.

And he was so like enthralled by this writing so impressed that he basically became friends with all these philosophers, he wanted to be around them all the time, he decided he was going to become a philosopher.

He changed, he had a little career change, very 20 something of him and he started thinking a lot about life and about death and about all these other things.

And through that he constructed stoicism, which developed a very large following.

Fun fact, the name stoicism actually comes from Stoa, Pokhaly, which is painted porch, I think in Greek.

And him and his disciples used to sit on this porch and talk about life and that's where the name stoicism came from, very very whimsical.

So at the heart of this philosophy is the belief that everything around us operates according to a web of cause and effect.

And that results in the rational structure of the universe that the Stoics called logos within this universal structure is the core Stoic belief that the world just has to be dealt with as it is.

Instead of trying to drastically change it, there is a real deep sense of acceptance.

One particularly influential Stoic, his name was Epic Titus, he has a very famous quote about this where he basically says, we don't suffer from what is actually happening in our lives, we suffer because of how we interpret what is happening in our lives.

Basically it is our judgment of things that are happening that makes us suffer and we can change that judgment, we can change that interpretation so that we suffer less.

This way Stoicism basically says, we can only control our own behavior and our own sense of self, our own way of acting.

And if you're going to choose a way of acting, you should aim to be kind, you should aim to be tolerant, you should aim to be a self-controlled individual, those are the most prized attributes of all and through that you gain a lot of peace and clarity.

To be that kind of person, you have to balance these four core attributes that we spoke about before. So wisdom, courage, justice and temperance.

Wisdom, and this is very core Stoicism, these are like the four things that you really should be, wisdom is the ability to see what is good, bad, neutral and to be able to question things as well and explore how things are in the world.

Courage is the ability to face hard things and to be okay with discomfort, it's the ability to be okay that life is sometimes suffering.

Justice is the ability to be kind, to be fair, to be a power for good and temperance basically means self-control, not asking or wanting for too much of anything in the world, whether that success, validation, money, praise, substances, that sort of thing.

That should be your focus, if you focus on being a good person and mastering those four things, you can change how you interpret the world so that the world feels more positive towards you.

This may make us believe that Stoicism is all about personal peace and nothing else and it's actually not as self-centred as you think and it's not as passive about the lives of others as you may think.

It basically just says, thinking about how terrible the world is isn't going to change the world unless you work on being a good person.

Being a good Stoic being a good person benefits others because it's only those of us who have cultivated this great internal life and this internal life of virtue who can bring about positive change and who can see the world clearly and act on what really does need fixing.

And that is like the biggest goal to give you another quote from another very famous, I guess, Stoic, Michael Sirrelius.

Basically, he said, you know, stop wasting time arguing about whether the world is good, just prove that the world is good.

And I genuinely think that is one of the most powerful philosophies that we can have in this day and age.

Especially like for me, I feel like that resonates so much I find so much peace and meaning and power, I guess, is that the right word? Yeah, power.

Just knowing that I cannot change how others behave, I cannot make them do or be the kind of people that I want to be, I just have to be that person as an example.

So although Stoicism has a very ancient origin, it is one of those philosophies that has survived so many versions of the world, so many versions of humanity.

So where are we at with it today?

Not a surprise. Stoicism is having a bit of a moment.

I've been seeing a lot of videos about it. I've been seeing a lot of content about it. I think there are a few reasons.

Firstly, I think the major spike we saw in like the uptake of Stoicism as a guiding psychology and philosophy happened during the COVID-19 pandemic, where else?

There was so little that we could control and there was so much isolation and so people naturally are turning to a solution.

And when they can't control anything, obviously a philosophy that says that's okay is going to be pretty alluring.

Here is an interesting fact during the lockdowns during the pandemic, Penguin, one of the world's biggest publishers basically said that their books about Stoicism were one of the best selling books out there.

Sales of some of their texts rose by 42%, 356% in some cases, like hundreds of percentages of increases from previous years, people were really getting on the Stoicism train.

And when you think about the turbulent, often terrifying world we live in, that is full of powerful leaders doing terrible things and a climate catastrophe and images of genocide and war and suffering.

I think we can really see why most people aren't going any other way and we begin to understand just where this search for meaning is really coming from.

More recently, you have probably encountered a very familiar and now very famous version of Stoicism, which is the Mel Robbins, let them theory.

Who hasn't heard about this book? It has had its viral moment and the thing is, it is basically a modern practical application of some very rudimentary versions of Stoic principles.

It emphasizes focusing on what you can control, protecting your peace, not focusing on what you can't control.

If you haven't read the let them theory, if you haven't read the book, basically it says let people be who they are and then move from there.

It really highlights the dichotomy of control that Stoicism is very famous for. You have to be able to make that distinction.

What can I change in a situation and what am I just going to pain myself and destroy myself trying to change?

That being other people's thoughts, other people's actions, other people's personalities, you can't change that.

So focus on what you can and the let them theory is a direct application in many ways of the Stoic principles about the dichotomy of control.

Stoicism also really emphasizes radical acceptance. That's very similar to the let them theory. Mel Robbins really talks about how radical acceptance is one of the highest forms of self-love

and letting yourself, giving yourself permission to not try and control others and just focus on your own comfort and let yourself be uncomfortable in their discomfort is power.

That's where you most likely most recently encountered Stoicism. Ancient Stoicism is a little bit more complex than this though.

I think that's a very fun, very rudimentary version of it. It's very powerful. But if you want to go even deeper into Stoicism in its ancient form, you have to really understand, again, those core virtues and work on them.

And you also have to understand the three pillars of Stoicism that I don't think we've even mentioned once yet in this episode.

The three pillars of Stoicism, beyond those four virtues we've spoken about are ethics, logic and physics, and they're interdependent. So they cannot exist without the other.

Sometimes scholars arrange these aspects of Stoicism in the form of an orchard. So logic is the enclosing wall. Physics is the trees. Ethics is the fruit.

You need all of them to basically like bear the harvest. So the enclosing kind of wall of the orchard is the first pillar. And that is logic using logic.

Stoics aim for discipline of perception. They aim to be able to distinguish between true perceptions and false judgments. You can see this is a theme that is coming up a lot.

So basically you cannot have a good life. You cannot be happy if you cannot remove your biases from the objective reality of existence.

You need to know the difference between your assumptions and like the objective truth. Otherwise, like you're always going to fail in logic. You're always going to struggle with that.

We can apply this by basically having a good sense of reasoning, having a good sense of judgment, really being critical as well of our biases and being critical of what is true.

So let's take the example of like, you know, somebody has insulted you. Somebody has said something that's upset you.

Your first reaction is probably going to be anger. And Stoics would say that we all often react too quickly because we're not using sound logic.

We're not using an appropriate judgment when approaching a situation.

Acting with anger would probably and will undermine the possibility of a good outcome of a rational outcome of a better outcome for yourself.

It's going to make it worse. It's maybe going to ruin a relationship. It's maybe going to upset people further. So choosing your first reaction, choosing your first judgment is actually pursuing an irrationally bad outcome because you are not applying logic.

Before you react in anger to this perceived insult, a stoic would suggest that you just consider if this person actually meant what they said to be unkind.

You consider other aspects or the more objective reality of the situation.

Do they have a history of saying things like this to you? Is this kind of just a one off that's really weird? Do they have a motive?

Are they a mean person? Have you actually done something that's upset them?

Take it this extra moment, holding on your logic, explore another explanation, say as well they did mean that mean terrible thing that they said to you.

Logically, stoicism would say what would investing in that judgment actually help you with?

Will caring about this make your life better or worse?

One of my favorite quotes again from stoicism to live by is like someone despises me. That is their problem.

So what? You think being the victim of a mean thought is bad. Imagine being the one to think those mean thoughts every single day.

Imagine being in that person's mind. That would be such a sad environment to live in.

And it's honestly such a waste. You have only so many minutes alive and you're spending them on somebody else.

That's the life that that person is living. They're spending all those minutes that they could have for themselves on you.

And honestly, I think that makes you the winner in this situation to be honest based on logic.

Your only concern should be not doing anything terrible back, not doing anything that is deserving of those cruel words and then moving on with your life.

Seeing things more clearly, having a better take over your reactions and what is actually happening in the world is a really core part of the stoic philosophy.

And it is the enclosing wall of the orchard because without reasoning, like you cannot engage in these two other pillars, which is physics and ethics.

Okay, we are going to take a short break here before we get into those pillars because I promise they're not too complicated.

They're not too academic or philosophical. But yeah, maybe we can go have a cup of tea. Maybe we can go take a little break from like the philosophy heavy episode stick with us.

We'll be right back after this short break.

Before all of the algorithm fed Bela and the endless sea of jubes, shopping used to feel more fun.

But here's a confession pudlings, you can find that fun feeling again on eBay because on eBay, it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit.

And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit Israel, I recently found a dress I have been looking for since I was 19.

I saw it on a TV show and I swear it called out to me and it has been something I have come back to time and time again.

I have searched everywhere every single secondhand store until finally I found it in my size on eBay.

It's about the thrill of finding pieces just like that. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you as well.

There's always more to discover. eBay has millions of pre-loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by eBay Authenticity Guarantee.

eBay, things people love.

Some people like working twice as hard, just to stay right where they are. And in Ohio, we really don't get it.

Because to us, owning a home in your 30s, working in tech without the traffic and still being able to make it to your kids' soccer game, sounds pretty good.

In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home. Your move, learn more at yourmoveohio.com.

Texting privacy policy in terms of conditions posted at TextingTerms.us. Texting roles you for a current automated text marketing message.

Message data is my apply or play. Stopped out visit ISSA online for details.

Tired of the 9-5 grind. Looking for something different that's flexible, fulfilling and pay as well? How do you like to get paid to work out?

Now you can, with ISSA, the global leader in personal fitness certification.

There's a huge demand for certified personal trainers right now. And once you get ISSA certified, they guarantee you'll get a job.

Trainers can make as much as $100 an hour. Yes, I said $100 an hour. And with ISSA, you can be certified in as little as six weeks.

You do everything at your own pace. And 100% online.

Pursue your passion in specializations like yoga, nutrition or strength training.

Get certified and live your life on your terms. Work at a gym. Start your own business or a side hustle. Whatever works for you. Just don't wait.

Get your free personal training evaluation kit today. Get certified in as little as six weeks.

And ISSA guarantees you'll get a job. Text Lift to 323232. Text Lift to 323232. Lift to 323232.

It's tax season. And by now, I know we're all a bit tired of numbers. But here's an important one you need to hear.

$16 billion dollars. That's how much money and refunds the IRS flagged for possible identity fraud. Here's another one.

One in four honest, hard working tax paying Americans has been a victim of identity theft. But it's not all grim news.

Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second for your personal information and alerts you to threats you could easily miss on your own.

If your identity is stolen, Lifelock's US-based Restoration Specialist will fix it, backed by another good number. The million dollar protection package.

In fact, Restoration is guaranteed or your money back. Don't face identity theft and financial losses alone.

There's strength in numbers with Lifelock identity theft protection for tax season and beyond.

Visit Lifelock.com slash iHeart and save up to 40% your first year. That's 40% off at Lifelock.com slash iHeart. Terms apply.

This is Dr. Laurie Santos from Happiness Lab. As a happiness expert, I know that mindfulness isn't just about meditation.

It's also about being present with your choices. And for me, present at meal time.

That's why I choose Deets and Watson. They're a family-owned and operated business and they never cut corners.

Ever. I use their chicken sausage with no added hormones in my family recipes. Deets and Watson have been hand-crafting meats and cheeses for over 85 years.

They know that good taste doesn't need a long list of ingredients. They're totally transparent about what goes into their food and what doesn't.

And that's why their meats and cheeses taste so great. They stick to what matters using the fewest highest quality ingredients to craft their meats and cheeses.

Because that's how they've always done it. If you want a more mindful meal, check out Deets and Watson. Deets and Watson, it's a family thing since 1939.

Visit Deets and Watson.com slash the right way to learn more about the Deets difference. That's Deets and Watson.com slash the right way.

So after logic, we have the second pillar physics. This is not what you think it is. It basically just refers to the study of nature and as things are.

Physics is described as like the trees in the orchard because it is what everything else basically stems from.

Stoics really thought that the universe and still believe that the universe is this rational organism that is governed by divine reason and governed by this maybe higher power of logic.

Understanding that the universe is governed by an external force helps people achieve the discipline and self control and self focus that is important to be a stoic.

Knowing that, again, external events are out of their control. Knowing that you are the only thing within your control. You are a very small creature. You're a very small being. You don't have to be worried about everything that's going on.

Imagine that you lose your job or like your job hunting at the moment. Like my boyfriend's job hunting. It's terrible. It's really like just such a slug.

This is really stressful and it's really worrying and frustrating for so many reasons. But the pillar of physics basically says, recognize what about this you can change and then give your self grace.

What can you do now? What can you take responsibility for? Knowing the way that the universe and the world is. What is in your remit? You can't change global economics. You can't change how competitive things are.

But you can change your edge. You can change your approach. And this kind of just helps you again. Let go and move on more quickly. Finally, ethics, the final pillar ethics is the fruit on the tree in the orchard.

And ethics is basically those goals, those moral, virtuous goals that the stoics have. Basically applying logic, applying physics. How are you going to be a good person?

How are you going to imbue those four cardinal virtues that we've mentioned before, wisdom, justice, courage and temperance into your life?

There is no point having a grounding philosophy if you cannot practice it. That is why the fruit is so essential. Philosophy is not meant to be something that is just admired. It's meant to be something that's practiced.

And the ultimate aim for stoics and for everybody is to have like a flourishing life. And especially for the stoics, it's to have a flourishing life that is not achieved through wealth or through external success, but through character.

So it basically says everything that we've said about how the world works and your control of things in the world, it doesn't matter. How should you actually you are your happiest and so that you are a good person and so that you have accepted the things that you can't change and basically you are focused on the things that you can.

This is why I think a stoic mindset is the best mindset you can have in your twenties, which I've already said, but I need to really nail down this point.

So much of our twenties is just trying to force things to happen in one specific way, according to what we think would make us the happiest.

I'm going to meet the love of my life at this age. Then we're going to move cities at this time. And then by 2728, I'll have my dream job, my dream life, and it's all going to work out exactly as I want.

But it's not always up to you. Honestly, most of it is just luck. And that really sucks. But the people who I found enjoy their twenties the most just lean so deeply into the flow of the universe that they don't.

They almost don't care where they end up because they know that if they're kind and they know that if they work hard, they're going to end up somewhere amazing.

And I think that is just in many ways in my many short years like the sticker to happiness.

It's the strange philosophy of not holding on to tight because if it is meant to be, it will stay.

And if it's not meant to be, you'll just hurt yourself more trying to force things to be the way that you want them to be.

When also you don't always know what's going to be the best outcome.

Like you actually don't know what's going to make you happiest. You just have to be prepared for any outcome and make do with what that is and know that you can make happiness within that.

Okay, so this brings us to the huge major question of the episode.

What impact do stoicism actually have for our brain and on our psychology?

This may all sound really nice in theory. Does it actually help?

It's basically what we want to talk about.

And the short answer is 1,000 percent. Yes, it does.

In fact, new research shows that authentic stoicism, so don't like the suppress your emotions type, predicts much better well-being, a much greater sense of happiness, better friendships.

And we know this from one of the biggest bodies of work done on stoicism research called the Stoics Attitude and Behaviors Scale.

So there's this very famous philosopher and psychotherapist, his name is Tim Lebon.

And he was, was is the lead researcher in creating this scale and this scale basically identifies seven dimensions of stoicism and how they relate to happiness.

So it gets people to self-report, ask people a bunch of questions that are kind of like thinly veiled at targeting these things, things like virtue, things like mindfulness, benevolence, and then it looks at how their life is turning out.

Are they a happy person?

This scale has been tested on thousands of people worldwide.

And not just people who say they practice stoicism, but just the average person, some of whom end up adopting stoic principles kind of by accident.

And the results are so clear, people who score highly on a stoic lifestyle, everything, like not everything, but a lot of stuff is better for them, less anxiety, less anger, greater resilience.

In contrast, people who suppress their emotions, people who don't have a guiding philosophy, like stoicism, have low acceptance, more anxiety, and they don't have a core value set.

So they do worse on a lot of these other scales.

Neurologically as well, stoicism makes us happier, it makes us more patient, kind, better able to respond rather than react.

Because it allows us to interrupt the fearful parts of our brain and redirect our behavior in that split, like 40 to 50 milliseconds, where we get to say, over what we're going to do.

It allows us to be present in that moment, in that choice.

When you have a guiding philosophy, like stoicism, it basically puts your frontal cortex more in charge, that rational part of your brain, more in charge of the fast and immediate, often irrational parts of your brain that just want you to choose and just want you to urgently do something, and then often lead you down that irrational path of reacting.

I think the greatest evidence of stoicism's psychological power is how prominently it appears in palliative and chronic pain research.

You know, people who are at the end of their life, people who are really sick, people who are experiencing pain, like on all or most days, there is increasing evidence to suggest that our beliefs about pain,

can actually influence our experience of pain.

Now, that's not to say a positive mindset fixes anything or everything, absolutely not.

No, no, no, it's basically just that in these intense situations where sometimes there is nothing that you can do.

The only thing you do have control over is your mindset and people who act on that mindset, feel more empowered because it's about focusing on the thing that is for them and that they can, again, control.

One study in Victoria, in Australia, where I'm from looked at 338 chronic pain patients from 20 to 100.

And again, they measured people based on this stoic fortitude, stoic attitude, quality, their ability to not endure, but their ability to accept what they were going through.

And what they found was that people who measured high in these traits, they reported less depression, less anxiety, less pain severity as well.

Let me give you one more piece of evidence for this because this was also observed back in the 90s, where, again, there was this positive association between having a stoic attitude and the quality of life for people with muscular dystrophy.

The study found that when you were able to adopt this guiding philosophy, when you were able to be like, this just really sucks.

These are my cards. What am I going to do with them? What cards do I have in my favor? What do I not? What am I going to do with the ones that I do? These people are happier.

We will definitely get to some of the criticisms of what this mindset. But when you think about it, like, stoicism is powerful because it is so therapeutic and because it really teaches acceptance.

And that is why it actually does show up in so many therapeutic practices. Cognitive behavioral therapy, for example, is a stoic therapy.

It basically says, like, how you think about things, influences how you behave towards them, which influences your life. And if you can change how you think about them, you change your perception, you can change everything else.

Same with, like, dialectical behavioral therapy that basically really emphasizes radical acceptance, changing what you can change.

And it's like underlying philosophy and pillar that comes through this all.

It's also woven into things like rational, emotive behavioral therapy, which focuses on changing self-defeating attitudes in people.

It's also involved in mindfulness, it's involved in family therapy systems as well.

The more you start looking for stoicism, the more you start searching for it, the more it ends up showing up in all these places and that have evidence for helping people get better.

And for helping people be happier. And I feel like now that you've listened to this episode, you will start seeing it everywhere as well.

It's just such a powerful way to live your life, yes, philosophically, but also psychologically.

Okay, before we go any further, we do have to talk about the criticisms.

I feel like I really wanted to butt in with a lot of them there, but I knew we were going to get to it.

We have to talk about the downsides here because no life philosophy is immune to some problems or some hiccups.

This one included the big part of it being the toxic positivity, the idea that how you think about things will just change everything about the world.

We know that's not true. There's this whole thing in stoicism of like the world has to be dealt with as it is.

And you should not spend time imagining an ideal society and you should just focus on what you can do.

And you should be focused on your own virtues and focused on your own logic and ethics and blah, blah, blah.

There are definitely some people who would look at that and would interpret this as like, head down, don't get angry, don't react.

If you're a good person, you don't have anything to worry about.

That's all you needed to do. You don't need to improve anything beyond that.

The world is, as it is, you have done your part.

When we think about the world as it is right now, it's just not a mindset that most of us can have.

It's a very problematic mindset if we take stoicism to be that version.

You know, to take a really contemporary example like there are people protesting against dictatorships against injustice all over the world at the moment.

And they're very rightfully angry and they may not be living in that moment according to the specific bylines of stoicism.

But does that mean that they're doing life incorrectly?

Does that mean that they're sabotaging their chances at happiness if they just focus more on what they could control?

No, like it needs to be done.

And it's at moments like this that stoicism does face accusations of being a very privileged life philosophy to follow.

This notion of protecting your peace and suggesting that people's pain, for example, people's worrying and suffering could be improved with the mindset shift,

that can be seen as very patronizing and probably very wrong.

I think at worst, stoicism has been accused of being a lifestyle accessory to the wealthy and maybe a way to kind of silence some things that we should be loud about.

And at its best, I think, hopefully we can understand and see stoicism.

As a philosophy that says, yes, the world cannot be good unless you make yourself good within it.

But also you do have a duty, you do have that ethical duty to go out and do something about injustice and do something about what you're seeing around you.

So when you really understand that, I think you can hopefully see that it doesn't ask you to be passive and still.

It asks you to really kind of get your hands dirty at times.

If that is what's going to make the world better and that should be your priority.

Okay, so let's leave that behind. Let's talk about how we can actually apply stoicism.

If that is something you want to do and if you want some of those psychological benefits we spoke about.

Before all of the algorithm fed Bela and the endless sea of jubes, shopping used to feel more fun.

But here's a confession podlings, you can find that fun feeling again on eBay.

Because on eBay, it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit.

And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real.

I recently found a dress I have been looking for since I was 19.

I saw it on a TV show and I swear it called out to me and it has been something I have come back to time and time again.

I have searched everywhere, every single secondhand store until finally I found it in my size on eBay.

It's about the thrill of finding pieces just like that.

And I want you to find pieces that feel like you as well.

There's always more to discover. eBay has millions of pre-loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by eBay Authenticity Guarantee.

eBay, things people love.

Some people like working twice as hard, just to stay right where they are.

And in Ohio, we really don't get it.

Because to us, owning a home in your 30s, working in tech without the traffic,

and still being able to make it to your kids' soccer game, sounds pretty good.

In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home.

Your move, learn more at yourmoveohio.com.

Texting privacy policy in terms of conditions posted at TextingTerms.us.

Texting rules you for a current amount of text marketing messages.

Message data is my apply or play. Stopped out.

Visit ISSA online for details.

Tired of the 9-5 grind.

Looking for something different that's flexible, fulfilling, and pays well?

How do you like to get paid to work out?

Now you can, with ISSA, the global leader in personal fitness certification.

There's a huge demand for certified personal trainers right now.

And once you get ISSA certified, they guarantee you'll get a job.

Trainers can make as much as $100 an hour.

Yes, I said $100 an hour.

And with ISSA, you can be certified in as little as six weeks.

You do everything at your own pace, and 100% online.

Pursue your passion in specializations like yoga, nutrition, or strength training.

Get certified and live your life on your terms.

Work at a gym, start your own business, or a side hustle.

Whatever works for you, just don't wait.

Get your free personal training evaluation kit today.

Get certified in as little as six weeks.

And ISSA guarantees you'll get a job.

Text Jim to 323232.

Text Jim to 323232.

Jim to 323232.

This is Dr. Laurie Santos from A Happiness Lab.

As a happiness expert, I know that mindfulness isn't just about meditation.

It's also about being present with your choices.

And for me, present at meal time.

That's why I choose Deets and Watson.

They're a family-owned and operated business, and they never cut corners.

Ever.

I use their chicken sausage with no added hormones in my family recipes.

Deets and Watson have been hand-crafting meats and cheeses for over 85 years.

They know that good taste doesn't need a long list of ingredients.

They're totally transparent about what goes into their food, and what doesn't.

And that's why their meats and cheeses taste so great.

They stick to what matters, using the fewest, highest-quality ingredients to craft their meats and cheeses.

Because that's how they've always done it.

If you want a more mindful meal, check out Deets and Watson.

Deets and Watson, it's a family thing, since 1939.

Visit DeetsandWatson.com slash the right way to learn more about the Deets difference.

That's DeetsandWatson.com slash the right way.

Honey, snap out of it.

Oh, sorry, just dreaming about updating our kitchen.

Well, stop dreaming and let's do it.

We can't afford that, and we don't have the equity in our house yet to do a home equity loan.

We can afford it with Renify.

It's a new kind of home equity loan that lets us borrow based on the value of our home after we make our renovations.

Oh, wow.

Well, I'm also dreaming of a new bathroom.

We can do that too.

With Renify, we can get up to $750,000 and keep our existing low mortgage rate locked in so we can tackle every project on our list.

Finish the basement for the kids.

Yes, with Renify.

Home office for me.

Let's do it.

Girl's trip to Tuscany.

Oh, Renify doesn't do that.

Visit Renify.com.

That's R-E-N-O-F-I.com to receive a text message to see if you qualify for up to $750,000 to renovate your home with Renify.

Unlock the future value of your home right now to get the money you need without refinancing.

Visit Renify.com or R-E-N-O-F-I.com to get started today.

One of the selling points of stoicism is ironically how cheap it is and how little it needs from you.

How do you practice everyday stoicism?

Here are some examples.

Firstly, you need to recognize that much of the well-being talk pushed on us today suggests that you should remain positive all the time.

All you should be working towards is to just be happy and to not have any negative emotions.

This is very different to stoicism.

A practice that was very popular amongst the stoics was something called negative visualization.

Basically, imagine, and this is going to sound so counter to what maybe a therapist would suggest to you or somebody else,

but imagine at the start of your day everything that could go wrong that day.

And also then imagine all the ways that you could fix all those things that would go wrong.

And then move through the day knowing that you have the tools to confront these problems.

Essentially, think about the worst possible what if and then visualize yourself still dealing with that.

This is very different from being anxious all day.

This is called negative visualization.

It requires understanding that even if things do go wrong, it's not the end of the world.

You are able to confront issues as they arise.

You are able to no matter what it is, you will be okay, push through it.

That's a very helpful practice you could literally try tomorrow.

Tomorrow what's the worst thing that could happen in your life?

Imagine it. Imagine yourself dealing with it.

You're good to go. You have that armor on.

I honestly think about this a lot and I think about like if it doesn't work what's going to happen.

If you look at the moment I've been facing a lot of like fear of embarrassment, fear of cringe from doing parts of my job

I probably should do more posting online that kind of stuff.

And really having that mentality of like truly what's the worst, what if it could happen?

Is life changing because you just put everything into perspective.

What's the worst thing that could happen? Somebody could judge me.

Somebody could be mad at me. That's easy.

Let's move on. Let's move forward.

Another very simple sources and practice is obviously gratitude and also generosity.

Taking what you have extra of feeling grateful for it, passing it forward.

One practice I saw somebody talk about similar to this is basically

making a list of all the things you truly do not need in your life and then also a list of the things you do need.

And then sitting with that list of all the things that you have that you don't need and feeling grateful for that.

Grateful for this like abundance and also more confident that there is a lot you could go without that you still have.

So you don't need to worry too much about achievement.

You don't need to worry too much. You'll get attached too much to money or possessions because if all of that faded you'd still be okay.

Even just simply asking yourself better questions about your life decisions is stoicism.

Asking yourself like why do I want this?

Is it because of external rewards? Is it because of my own desire?

That is stoicism.

Asking yourself like who am I trying to impress?

What do I think I'm controlling by trying to control these things in my life?

That is stoicism.

Identifying all the areas where you are overworking, people pleasing, overthinking,

and whether that is the best logical use of your time is stoicism.

A stoic practice is basically anything that lets you be more present,

that lets you see the world more clearly for what it is without self-deception.

Without false ideas of control and to just see your anxieties, see your worries,

see everything that could go wrong and just get on with living and get on with being kind and get on with experiencing

because oh my god it's going to sound so cliche like tomorrow isn't promised.

Like you just have to be as present as possible.

So I think that's all I have time for.

Thank you for listening if you have made it as far.

This was definitely a very philosophy heavy episode.

I like to do one of those every once in a while.

But one that I still hope was enlightening to you.

I know you're here for psychology.

I feel like sometimes these go hand in hand.

I hope you feel inspired to take control of what you can.

I hope you feel inspired to see life more clearly.

It's definitely something I'm trying to do.

And I hope you feel inspired to be a good, fair, courageous person.

That is something I feel very strongly about right now.

I feel like it's one of the only things we can control in such what is seemingly looks like a terrible world.

So if that is the only thing you get out of this episode that you are good and you can prove that the world is good by being good.

That will be enough for me.

So I appreciate you listening.

Thank you as always to our research team including Lucy Davidson for her assistance with this episode today.

Make sure that you are following us on Instagram.

If you have not yet watched an episode on Netflix.

If you're in the US or Canada, go and do that right now.

We'd love to see you over there.

As always, be safe, be kind, be gentle to yourself.

We will talk very, very soon.

Some people like working twice as hard just to stay right where they are.

And in Ohio, we really don't get it.

Because to us, owning a home in your 30s, working in tech without the traffic

and still being able to make it to your kids' soccer game, sounds pretty good.

In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home.

Your move, learn more at yourmoveohio.com.

It's tax season and by now we're all a bit tired of numbers.

But here's an important one you need to hear.

$16 billion.

That's how much money and refunds the IRS flanked for possible identity fraud.

But it's not all grim news.

Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second.

And alerts you to threats you could easily miss on your own.

If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it.

Guaranteed.

Save up to 40% your first year.

Visit lifelock.com slash iHeart.

Terms apply.

At CVS, it matters that we're not just in your community, but that we're part of it.

It matters that we're here for you when you need us.

Day or night.

And we want everyone to feel welcomed.

And rewarded.

It matters that CVS is here to fill your prescriptions.

And here to fill your craving for a tasty and, yeah, healthy snack.

At CVS, we're proud to serve your community.

Because we believe where you get your medicine matters.

So visit us at CVS.com or just come by our store.

We can't wait to meet you.

Store hours buried by location.

If you work in university maintenance,

Granger considers you an MVP.

Because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip-off.

And Granger is your trusted partner.

Offering the products you need, all in one place.

From HVAC and plumbing supplies to lighting and more.

And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock.

So your team always gets the win.

Call 1-800-Granger, visit Granger.com or just stop by Granger.

For the ones who get it done.

You know that feeling when a story just grabs you and won't let go?

That's the kind of drama that's waiting for you on Disney Plus Hulu.

Mysterious post-apocalyptic thrillers like the acclaimed Hulu original Paradise.

Action-adventure dramas like Daredevil Born Again.

And iconic medical dramas like Grey's Anatomy.

Or maybe you want your drama with a side of comic relief.

With shows like High Potential.

Find a drama you want on Disney Plus and Hulu with a bundle subscription.

Terms apply.

This is an I Heart Podcast.

Guaranteed Human.