Episode 3930, intentional parenting that moves mountains.

Mom's, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew whom you are in mind, body, and spirit.

Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that.

Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, Personal Trainer, and Nutritionist, Christian Wargo.

Happy every day! How you doing?

Guess what? It's the second day of a brand new year. Come on!

I know you're starting to get me good with it. It's like, oh, happy new year.

Happy new year. Happy new year. Are you going around on your feet?

Just wishing everybody a happy new year, even though it was like two days ago.

You're like, oh, but I can still wish you a happy new year. Yes, you can.

But today, this is where I want you to focus. It is so important for this year that we focus on

family, intentional parenting that moves mountains.

For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now, welcome to this incredible family.

I'm so delighted of your presence. If you already even had the opportunity,

you want to head on over to CreateYourNow.com, where you can learn more and to sign

up for the Kisses newsletter. They keep it simple strategy, everyday solutions, to live,

love, and impact. Well, this episode is brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection,

and Community. How holy maca hiki ho, that is happy new year in Hawaiian.

And why not start it out that way? Because sometimes I just got to practice a little bit of my

Hawaiian. I'm not great at it, but I do try. I'm not fluent at it by any means, but it is my home.

I love my home. I miss my home. You know, it's just something that there are places in your life

that just leave a mark on your heart. And you can never take Hawaii out of this girl, right?

You can take the girl out of Hawaii, but you can never take Hawaii out of the girl.

And I think about that when it comes to parenting. Once a parent, always a parent.

You can't remove that from yourself, just because your kids get older,

doesn't mean you stop parenting. It looks different. It feels different.

You may have harder conversations. You may actually have unresolved things that you can never resolve

because it's different. But you see, the cool thing is, is that every new year brings a fresh

chance to hit the reset button, including how you show up as a parent. But let's be real.

Parenting is hard. It's exhausting. And often, thankless. I mean, when was the last time your

child came up to you and said, you are the best ever. Thank you so much for disciplining me.

Thank you for making me do my homework. Thank you for making me clean my room. Are you kidding me?

I don't think that's how it works. No, they're mad at you. They cross their arms. They say things

that you wish they didn't say, especially as they get older, right? You're like, where's your language?

What did I teach you? And then if you coast through it, meaning parenting, thinking your kids are

going to just figure it out by themselves, you're setting everyone up for frustration and chaos.

And yeah, I'm talking everyone. You and the kiddos. Kids need more than just food and shelter.

They need consistent guidance. Kids need love and boundaries. It's intentional parenting that moves

mountains because, oh, mama, let me tell you, dads, when you slack off, what you get is exactly what

you put in. Kids who push limits, test boundaries, and fill the void left by absent parenting.

Are you an absent parent? No, I know that's not a question anybody wants to answer.

Now, I will say this, everybody is an absent parent at some point in their life. I'm not saying

for a long time, it might be a moment. Why could you get tired and exhausted? You're sick, right?

You're an absent parent. Somebody else has to take over whether it's grandma or whether it's

auntier, whether it's hubby, you know, dad comes in whatever it is, somebody else has to fill in

because, well, mama's down and out. It's all right. It happens. But what happens when you're

always the absent parent? So I really want you to think how you parent. If you've got young kids,

think about what you do for discipline. How do you set those boundaries? How do you show up for them?

Do you show up for them? Or is it all about you? Is it all about, oh, these kids are my

trophies. Man, I made them. Look at me. I've arrived. Okay, let's have another conversation

because that's not good either. Parenting is a very, very divine responsibility in my opinion.

And we've got a lot of parents out there. Moms and dads included that have a really rough time.

And they just think they can coast through it because in all honesty, it's easy to let

you know, complacency show up in parenting. You just slip into it. Maybe it's been a long day

or your schedule feels relentless, right? And you're like, I just can't do this.

Maybe you convinced yourself that letting kids run free is healthy or that they just need space

to express themselves really. Maybe for you, it's, well, I was raised this way. So I turned out,

okay, did you? No, like seriously, that's a genuine question. Because we've got a lot of

parents out there. Moms and dads that think they're doing everything right. Oh, my parents

did it this way. So I'm fine. Really? I'm here to remind you times have changed. And it's times

changed so does parenting. Not every personality responds to spanking. Not every personality responds

to timeout. Not every personality responds to a long dissertation when they get in trouble.

Not every personality responds to texting. All right, you've got to figure out your child.

That means you've got to be hands-on. Because here's the truth. Unchecked freedom without

clear limits is a breeding ground for problems. Problems that last a lifetime. It's not

love or respect to let them run wild. It's neglect disguised as kindness. Because you think,

oh, I'm doing them a favor. They'll thank me for that. My parents were too hard on me. I'm

just going to let them do whatever they want. Or on the other hand, right? The other other side of

the coin is, oh, no, no, no, I'm just going to beat it the tar out of them. Because you know what?

Yeah, that's what my parents did to me. Really? I mean, seriously, think about it.

Kids don't know what they don't know. Why? Because they're kids. But we can't act as parents

like, whoa, I have all the knowledge in the world. I am the best. I am the gift to the world. I'm

the best mom. I'm the best dad, whatever. If you are not learning as a parent, you're not a great

parent. Yep. Don't send me those hate mails. I'm telling you that flat out because I love you

and I care about your family. It's about time. We've got some people who are willing to stand

up for families in this world today. And I'm going to be one of those people. Why do you think we

call those confessions of an upset mama? Because we are getting too complacent. We're not even

parenting. We're doing it because we want to, you know, lead as if, oh, these are our babies. These

are our trophies. Look what I did. Really? It's not about you. Imagine that. Parenting is not

about you. Yep. Hot topic today for January 2nd of 2026. And if you're listening later,

I hope you get something from it seriously. Because we've got a problem in our families

today. I don't care if you have a great, non-traditional family where you have a mom and a dad. Yeah,

you heard me right. A non-traditional family. Because their traditional family has now moved to

single mamas and daddies. There's not two parents anymore. And it's even come to if there are two

parents involved. They're a blended family. All of that means at what? More complications

in relationships. And the problem is, oh, it's not my fault. I'm fine. I'm a great mom. I'm a great

dad. Are you? If you can't look in the mirror and say, you know what? Yeah, I fall short. And I need

to make some changes. Then you're not a great mom or dad. And I'm telling you this because I may

change us throughout having five children. I never thought I was a perfect mom ever. I made

mistakes. I own those mistakes. I said I was sorry. I put myself in time out. I was like, nope,

mom's in time out. Don't talk to her. Don't talk to me. Unless there's blood or flood. Don't come.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. And I put myself in time out. I'd leave the room. Of course, I'd make

sure everybody was safe. If there were little babies and they would go in there, you know, rooms,

whatever they needed to do in their cribs and they were safe. Because sometimes you just got to

calm down in order to handle the situation. See, a lot of times we're just running around. They

get, ha, I got this figured out. I'm amazing. If you think you got it all figured out, you're not.

My friend parenting with intention doesn't mean you have to be perfect because you're not.

And it doesn't mean that you're never going to tire because you're going to be tired.

That's what life does to us. But it does mean showing up consistently with unconditional love,

firm boundaries, attentive teaching. And yes, forgiveness when mistakes happen,

for your kiddos and for yourself. And I know I get it. It's hard. But if you're willing to

parent intentionally, oh my goodness, you are going to allow your child to impact the world

that they touch in an incredible manner. That is your kiss to keep a simple strategy.

Parent intentionally. You want your kids to grow into adults that are absolutely incredible

where they can use the gifts and talents that God has given them. Not that you are going to say,

this is what you're going to do because I didn't get to do it. Or this is where I think you should

go. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about raising your kid up so they know who their creator is and

they know their gifts and talents from their creator. Not because Mama or daddy told them,

this is what they're supposed to be when they grow up. If they don't want to be a football player,

don't force them into that. If they don't want to go and be a pilot, don't force them into that.

If they don't want to be a doctor, don't go force them into that. Maybe they want to be a trash

collector. Guess what? We need people who are trash collectors. I got trash every single week and

I love the people who come and pick up my trash. In fact, there are times that I just go out there

and I waive to them and I tell them, thank you. Why? Because they help keep my street clean.

And I am not doing that job and I appreciate the person who is.

But you see, we put our kids in this box saying you have to be like this because this is what

I think you should do. What if we looked at it as a way God said and said, you know what here?

I'm going to be the parent to you and I need you to be the parent just like I parent you.

I'm going to set boundaries for you. I'm going to give you rules to follow.

But guess what? I give you free will to make choices. I want you to decide to follow me.

I want you to decide and discover your gifts and talents. But you see that comes with us as a parent,

mom and dad, as we parents intentionally. Not because we're sitting back being lazy,

being that absent one. This new year, make 2026 so impactful because you want to be there for your

kids not to be that helicopter or drone parent. But to be the one who says you know what?

Here you go. We can have a lot of fun, but here are the boundaries. Here's the safety lines.

Now go be all you can be. Rise up. God's called you to hire mountains.

But that means as a parent we're required to be better.

So what does it look like in the real world to raise up your kids into adults who will impact

the world that they touch in a manner that you know what? You can do it anytime even on rough days.

Number one, set clear boundaries and follow through. Did you notice the AND part?

It's all about the follow through. It's really easy for us to set up those rules,

but the follow through is important. You see, boundaries aren't about control. We think they are.

A lot of people do. Men, I'm telling you right now, dads watch out for this

because you think you can control your children and I'm here to remind you you cannot.

You see, boundaries, they're about safety and structure.

When kids know the line and see you consistently enforce it, they gain a sense of security and

learn responsibility. Maybe you need to learn responsibility. Maybe I need to learn responsibility

in certain areas, right? This isn't about pointing fingers. This is about asking the hard questions

and saying, how can I be a better parent? Because if we're not asking that question,

we're not growing ourselves as a parent. So if we're not growing, how can our kids grow?

Yeah. Ouch. That stings a little bit.

And so maybe the boundaries are, you know, screen time limits. Chores. Obviously age appropriate

chores. Don't ask a two-year-old to go and do the dishes. Doesn't work that way, right? I mean,

common sense. But you'd be amazed what the stories I've heard. What about manners at the dinner

table? Even simple things like thank you. That's it. Whatever it is, be firm, clear and consistent.

And when I say firm, I'm not saying mean. Firm means consistency. They know that, okay,

this is what I'm doing. And if I cross this line, I know what's going to happen.

And if you say no, mean no. Not meanly again, just with consistency. You can be firm and not be mean.

Figure it out. You don't have to be condescending. Oh, man, a condescending parent that is not good.

You might as well just go ahead and sign up your child for counseling for the rest of their life.

And unfortunately, we have a lot of parents that do that. They manipulate.

And they take, if they have multiple children, they take it and they, you know, pin one child

against the other purposefully. Are you doing that? Maybe you do it and don't realize it. Maybe you have

two daughters. Do you have one go against the other? Not again consciously, but maybe subconsciously,

you're doing it. Think about it. When a situation comes up, say, gosh, is there something here I can

learn? That's how your stretch is apparent. And that makes you a better parent in the long run.

And let me tell you, ask for help. Don't act like you know it all. I mean, here I come to you with ideas.

I come to you with things that I've tried and things that have worked. But I'm not telling you

it's the end all, be all. Go get books and read. Go listen to other podcasts. Try some things out.

That intentional parent means that you're willing to learn. You're willing to shake it up, right?

And here, let me just remind you of this too. When boundaries are shaky, so is there confidence

and respect for rules? They're just going to run right over you. They're going to be a holy tear

when they go to school, when they go out in the real world. They're going to think, I am the gift

of the world because guess what? That's how you're leading them because you think you're a gift to

the world. We all have our gifts and talents, but no one's above anybody else. Be very careful.

All right, doesn't matter how much money you make. It doesn't matter how much money you don't have.

We're talking about relational love, right? Relationships. Parenting is a relationship.

And there's emotions involved. There's psychology involved. There's spirituality involved.

There's trust involved. Are you being that intentional parent? The way God intended, not the way

you think you should go? Think about it. Number two, invest daily time to teach and connect,

so important. Quality time isn't just about being in the same room. A lot of times we think, oh,

I'm here. You're not there if you're scrolling on your dad gum phone. I'm just saying it gets me so

upset when I am out and about and I see the kids sitting there and dad sitting there scrolling on

his phone. Mom sitting there talking on the phone. Now, I get it. It might be circumstantial. It might

be one phone call, but when I'm in one place for 30 minutes and I see the same thing going on,

I'm thinking, it's no wonder the kids are wild. It's no wonder that they're trying to gain attention.

Does it matter the age? It could be two months, two years, 22 years. They all act out.

32, 42. I don't care. They're going to do something to get your attention.

To be watchful of that, right? Quality time is about being focused and intentional

in the moments. You don't need an hour. 10 minutes of undivided attention can change the day.

Teach them something. How to tie a shoe. Maybe it's to how to handle frustration or anger.

Or maybe it's just to make wise choices. You've got these three options. What would you do? Walk

through them with them. Maybe your kids are getting older. Learn to ask open into questions.

And then listen. Be quiet and listen. If our parents would just shut their mouths once in a while,

we might learn a few things about our kiddos. I know sometimes I have to tell myself the same thing.

Kristian, you like talk a lot. Be quiet already. Let them talk. Because this is how you build trust

and teach life skills that stick long after childhood. And isn't that what you're looking for?

Isn't that the goal here of the responsibility of being an intentional parent? I believe it is.

And then finally, number three, forgive fast, but don't execute bad behavior.

Mistakes are going to happen. They will. You're going to slip up more often than you think.

And yes, so are your kiddos. And when they mess up, hold them accountable. But guess what? Hold

yourself accountable to exclamation point. Yeah. But do it with grace. Be sincere about it.

A parent who forgives and follows through teaches resilience and humility. And don't forget to

forgive yourself too. Right? Parenting fatigue is real. It's a it's a big deal. We've talked about

it here before. But giving yourself grace means you'll show up stronger tomorrow. There are times

that you're just in a season that you can only do so much. Okay, no. How far you can go.

Know your own limits and get help. Maybe you need to hire someone to come in because

you're just too exhausted. It's okay. That doesn't mean you're less than. You just need help during

the season. Because at the end of the day, the energy and effort you pour into your parenting

shows up in your child's character and the living legacy they create.

Mom, dad, lazy parenting might look easier now, but it costs far more in the long run

as you trade real influence for temporary peace. What are you doing as a parent now?

Now, think about it. This new year commit to the hard stuff. Seriously, show up, set limits,

connect. One of the most important things, forgive and love them unconditionally. Because what

you put in now is what you and your child will get out forever. That effort has got to continue.

No shortcuts, no excuses. Just real intentional parenting that moves mountains. Go in peace.

Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other

side. Blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious blessed

weekend. Bye-bye. Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and love your journey, visit

createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way. We'll see you next time

on Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie. And remember, always be sure you consult your physician

before beginning any health and fitness plan.