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of episode 3937, put the parent back in parenting.
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Mom's, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew whom you are in mind body and spirit.
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Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that.
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Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, personal trainer, and nutritionist, Christian Warno.
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Happy day, it's Friday, so it's time to do the happy dance. Come on, I know you want to do it?
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Because guess what? You get some freedom. Yes, you do. Come on, it's a first.
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Okay, technically it's not the first full weekend because we already had it last weekend,
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but come on, it's a second full weekend of the new year, and we're talking about,
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oh, the family, yes, we are, put the parent back in parenting.
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For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now, welcome to this incredible family.
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I'm so delighted to be present. If you already even had the opportunity,
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you'll want to head on over to CreatureNow.com where you can learn more and sign up for the Kisses
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newsletter to keep its simple strategy for everyday solutions to live, love, and impact
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with this episode of Brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection and Community.
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So how has your week gone so far? Okay, I know, we got the weekend right, you're thinking,
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it's going to get better, it's going to get better. Maybe it will, maybe it won't.
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Maybe you're just going to enjoy some good football. Oh, I'm ready for it. I'll come on,
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bring it on. I'm excited, except too. I'm kind of sad. Why? Because it means it's coming to an end.
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And then I have to figure out something else. Oh, well, I guess it's golf and tennis and whatever
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else I find myself, right? We've got the Australian open coming up. So, you know, mark your calendars.
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There's so many things. You got hockey, right? Basketball, March madness will be around the corner.
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I mean, can you imagine thinking about March madness? All right. Okay, take a deep breath. We are too
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far ahead of us. And that's usually what happens, right? As parents, we like think too far ahead.
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And sometimes we forget the most important part, the present, where we are right now.
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And I don't know where you're challenged right now in parenting. You know, it depends on
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where you are in the stage of life with your children. You know, if you've got young ones,
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oh my goodness, you're in for a long haul. You just are. Hang on tight. It's a roller coaster.
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But then as a kid's age, you got other roller coasters to jump on. And sometimes they're not as easy.
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In fact, sometimes they get harder than when they were young. When you think, oh gosh,
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I just wish they would be babies again. Yeah, sometimes it was easier when they were babies because
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you could put them somewhere and they would stay where they are. But now, a way they've got two
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legs and they're officially an adult or whatever. They can make their own decisions, which means
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comes with their own mistakes. And you have to just sit back and be like, okay, I don't know
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that I agree with that, right? Parenting's hard. And unfortunately, too many of us are caught chasing
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the mirage of being friends with their kids, seeking approval and this camaraderie instead of
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stepping fully into their role as parents. Do you know one of those? Maybe you were one of those.
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At some point, maybe you are one of those right now. But let's be honest, parenting isn't about
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winning a popularity contest. I do think a lot of people fall into that category, unfortunately.
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But parenting is about showing up as the adults who love fiercely, who set firm boundaries and
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deliver discipline that actually sticks. You want your discipline to be sticky, right? Because then
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it really does matter in the long run. And if you want your children to thrive and leave a lasting
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impact on the world, you must put the parent back in parenting. Because friendship with your kids
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can seem like an easy, feel good shortcut. But I'm here to tell you, it's a trap. It is a trap.
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And I know you don't want to hear that on the weekend. You're like, Christina, I don't want to
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be mean this weekend. No, I get it. But when parents try to be friends, they soften the rules,
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right? They dilute the consequences and they avoid hard conversations on the name of what,
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keeping the peace. The problem, though, kids crave guidance and structure. Did you hear me?
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They need it. They want it. They won't tell you. But they actually do need it. Left without
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clear leadership, they'll wrestle to find footing in a world that demands accountability and grit.
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Where do you fall? Do you think right now as a parent? Maybe sometimes you're lenient and maybe
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other times you're just this fierce monster. I mean, where is the happy medium? The core duty of
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a parent is crystal clear. Love your children unconditionally. Hold them accountable with clear
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boundaries and discipline with intention so lessons don't fade with time. That discipline
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isn't punishment. It's training for life. And I think there's a lot right there packaged hard
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and heavy. And I know for me, as my children now are all officially adults and now we have grandbabies,
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it's important to look at what are you doing in their next stages of life. How does it look?
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Because you're always a parent. Now, you can have conversations that sound more like friendship,
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but ultimately you're still the mama. You're still the dad. And you may not want that,
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but you still are. But at the same time, you have to be willing to put on that friendship hat.
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You have to be willing to say, you know what? I'm going to draw the line here because I don't
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feel comfortable. And I didn't raise you to be that way. And so that's how you're going to go
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about. Then I've got to step back and I can't do this. But I think it's important, no matter
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what stage of life your kiddos are in. Discipline isn't punishment, right? It's training for life.
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And if you keep looking at it like, I'm going to get you, then there's more of an issue
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with yourself than it is with your kids. I'm going to table that discussion for now because we'll
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be here forever because there's so many things that go into that. But I do want you to really
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think about it, okay? Because I know we don't, we really don't want to think about how we
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parent, but it's important. You know, how do you reclaim your role as a parent? Maybe you're trying
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to figure out how to get back to the basics. Well, it isn't complicated, but it does demand
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that parents get honest about where their attention is and how they engage with their kids.
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What are you doing? Maybe you need to put the phone down and look up. Huh, what a concept, right?
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You can't parent well if your eyes and mind are glued to a screen. And a lot of us, they just are.
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Make a conscious effort to unplug when you're around your children. I don't care what age it is.
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Now, if they're on their phone, that's a different conversation. Don't you be on yours?
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See what they're doing. Notice how their mood shifts. Recognize their daily battles. Presence is
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the foundation of influence. And believe it or not, it doesn't matter what stage of life your
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kiddos are in. You have influence over them. Your attitude, the way you show up, your text messages,
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the way you come across your tone of voice, your looks. Yeah, believe it or not, my kids would tell
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you right now that I can still kill them from afar with my eyes. It's like they know.
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Like, don't say it. Moms got me with their eyes. I've done that from the very beginning of their life.
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And they still know I could do it to this day. Now, I'm not saying it's mean or anything,
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but it's great that they notice that, right? But you can't be noticed in what you're doing
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if you're not noticing them first. Presence is key, right? Make that the foundation of your
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influence. What about reclaiming the dinner table? What would that look like? Do you even have
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dinner together anymore? Now, I know it's hard. You know, they have tons of activities. Maybe you've
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got, you know, kids that come and go even at college. We had kids living with us while they were
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going to college. Why? Well, it was a great way. You either pay for yourself to live out of the
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home or you can live with us and save that money and basically move out, you know, debt free.
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What sounds better to you? Like, we gave them their choice. If they chose to live outside the
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home, it was on them. It wasn't on us because we were here and available to them. So, you know,
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we didn't always have time around the dinner table, but we did always make time for each other.
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So, maybe dinner for dad came later, but the kids already ate. And so, when dad came home,
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they were having more of their dessert or snack, but there was still time of breaking food and
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bread together, right? So, the dinner table is more than just a place to eat. It's a prime spot
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for connection. Use it to listen, really listen to what your children are telling you about their
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lives. Resist the urge to interrupt, to correct, or even fill the silence. It's so hard to not
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say anything, right? But you got to be quiet. Ask a question and then don't say anything.
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And when you ask those open-ended questions, that invites sharing. And that's what you want them
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to be able to do. You want them to feel like you are the most trusted person in their life.
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And they can come to you with anything. Anything. There's no judgment. There's no shame.
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You will hear them out. Now, that doesn't mean you'll like what they tell you, right?
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There'll be circumstances you're like, oh, this is a bad decision. You'll be gritting your teeth,
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talking like this and going, oh, I'm just going to, you know, you got it, right? But at the same time,
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when you show them that unconditional love and you give them that space to say, I'm kind of stuck,
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mom, I don't know why I'm going with this. Then you can open up your arms, which allows them to
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open up their heart and to hear you differently. So reclaim that dinner table if you haven't already.
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And maybe you need to ask and don't assume. So, so easy for us to jump to conclusions. And when we
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jump to those conclusions or put words in our kiddos mouths, it kills trust immediately. It's like,
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it's done. So instead, ask and share questions about how they feel and what they think.
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You're going to have time to speak your mind. I promise you, because mama's always have time to
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open up their mouths. But a lot of times, it's best if we keep them shut. And then reflect back
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what you hear to show. You're really paying attention, okay? And also, when you reflect back to them,
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when you tell them, well, this is what I hear you saying. If they say, well, that's not what I said
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and say, okay, then tell me again. Don't say, well, no, no, but that's what you said. And this is
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what it, no, no, no, no, no. That's not a good idea. Let them express themselves again. Because
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this makes it to where you don't have any agendas and there are no filters. And they get to hear
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themselves say things over and over and over again. And they may actually learn more from their
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own ears, hearing their own mouth speak, the new saying, anything for 30 minutes, seriously.
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But I get it, right? It's hard. It's hard to reclaim your role as a parent. It's hard to know
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where you fit in. So this new year, I want you to look at your life differently. I truly want
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you to put the parent back in parenting. That is your kiss to keep it simple strategy. Wow,
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what a kiss, right? Put the parent back in parenting. But I think we need to be kissing on our kids
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more often like that by being their parent. Now, I get it. It may seem impossible, but truly,
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it's not. It's not impossible. You can be that parent. You have been called to be not by
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your own strength, but because of the heart God gave you. Did you hear me? I want you to chew on
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that for a while. Okay, you can be the parent. You have been called to be not because of who you are,
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not because of your own strength, but because of the heart God gave you. And if you're not sure
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if you're being a great parent, ask God. Go to him and say, make me a better mom.
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Help me be a better dad. Don't assume that you're already there because let me tell you,
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you're always learning as a parent. I still am. And when you think you're done parenting,
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then you become a grandparent. Yeah, so it just continues, right? Your family continues to grow.
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So don't try to do life alone when it comes to parenting, right? Look to your Heavenly Father too.
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And the best thing you can do is be open to what will make the difference for your children in
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the long run. The short run might be a little challenging, but you are stronger and can be the
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best parent you want to be. You just have to be willing to put in that work. So what does it
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look like in real life to be the parent that can raise impactful kids, right? Ultimately,
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we want them to go out and impact the world that they touch in a manner that only they can.
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Just like you, right? You are impacting the world that you touch in a manner that God created
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you to do. So we've got to do this for our kiddos too. So number one, set non-negotiable boundaries.
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And this is great for the New Year. It's great for us. It's great for us to renew
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where we are in parenting. Some things we need to change. Maybe things that we need to broaden our
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horizons. We don't know it all. And as we go through life, there's always change, right? Change is
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a constant. So for us, if you're thinking, Christian, you know, I've already got this down.
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My kids are pretty good. I get it. I think mine are fabulous. But I can still be a better parent,
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right? I don't want to just be a good parent. I want to be a great parent. And that takes work. And
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that takes reflection. And that takes looking at what I'm doing. And not saying, oh, I've got it all
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put together. I mean, I had two wonderful parents. But I'm going to tell you right now, I didn't do
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everything that they did with me. And I don't always agree with how other people raised their kids.
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And how I see my grandchildren may not be how my daughter sees her children, right? So it's one
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of those things where you've got to figure out and set non-negotiable boundaries. Kids need guard
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rails. Not because you want to control them. Did you hear me? It's not about control. But because
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the world outside your home is full of risk. Now, I will say this, your home is also full of risk
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if you're not paying attention. Your kids can fall and get hurt if you're not paying attention.
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But that doesn't mean you have to be that helicopter or drone parent or whatever term they're using
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now when it comes to the hovering parent that has to be involved in everything. But you do need to
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make sure you're providing a safe environment. You know, that is your responsibility. And that means
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it doesn't matter the age, right? I mean, if you just let glass from a broken, you know,
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vase or something, lay on the floor and then all of a sudden your kids come home from college and
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they don't know it's there and they're walking around barefoot. You didn't think anything of it
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because you know it's there, but they go and slice their foot wide open. Not a good idea.
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All right, so we really do have to understand that we can protect them in our home. But we also
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need to create these guard rails. So when they do go outside of the home, right, they know what
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they can do and they understand some clear rules around behavior, screen time, respect and responsibility.
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Consistency here, remember, is a non-negotiable. You got to be consistent across the board.
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All right, you can't just sit here and say, oh, well, I'm going to do this and not follow through
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because then guess what? Your kiddos are going to walk all over you. They just are.
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Number two, use discipline as a teaching moment. Discipline isn't about punishment and I cannot stress
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that enough. If you're sitting there, spanking your kids, again, I'm not going to tell you how to
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discipline, but if you're spanking them and you think that's punishing them, you're doing it wrong.
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I'm just going to call it out like it is. Discipline isn't about punishment. It's about imprinting
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important life lessons so your child internalizes right from wrong. There's a big, big difference.
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And in our world today, we just think that we have to be that controlling parent who dominates
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over our kiddos. I'm telling you right now, you're going to lose your child.
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Not meaning that the state's going to come after you. I don't mean that. You're going to lose
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your child because your child's going to get older and your child's going to see that that's
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not really great. Maybe my parent doesn't love me, whether it's mom or dad or both.
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And you're going to be pushing your kid away. If that's what you want, then by all means discipline
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is about punishment. And you can be that kind of parent. But I want to encourage you not to do that,
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right? Discipline is about imprinting important life lessons so your child internalizes right from
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wrong. So make consequences logical. Make consequences appropriate to their personalities and
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life stages. Make consequences timely. Don't sit there and say, oh, go sit and time out or,
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you know, go in there in the next hour or so when I'm ready because I'm busy right now,
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then we'll have a talk. No, the sting is already gone. It doesn't matter. And you're not doing
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something in a timely fashion, meaning basically immediately means that, well, I guess it really
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didn't matter to mom or dad. And then make consequences connected to the behavior.
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Don't make it because you think that's just what should happen. Not every consequence deserves
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a spanking. Not every consequence deserves allowance taken away or grounding or you can't go out
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on dates or whatever it is, you know, you're grounded for two weeks. They even ground any more,
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I don't know if they do, but regardless, as long as you're consistent, let me tell you,
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your kids are going to pay attention. And they're going to know because guess what,
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when you discipline, I pray you're modeling it too. It's not about you telling them how to do it
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and you get to do whatever you want to do because, oh, I'm the father or I'm the mother.
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No, it's not about that. If you're asking your kid to do it, you better so dagum well do it yourself.
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Because otherwise, why teach them? So watch your mouth. Watch where your heart takes you.
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Watch what you show your child. Because let me tell you right now, they are watching you.
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And let me also remind you, God's watching you too. So it goes in all ways, right?
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So make those consequences appropriate across the board. And then again, it is that consistency,
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but you got to follow through. If you're going to say this is what happens, then this is what is
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going to happen. You have to follow through, right? Consistency is a key. Flaky discipline breeds chaos.
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And let me tell you, your kids are going to know that you really don't care. You're just doing it to do it.
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Some parents will discipline because they're trying to show off how great they are as a parent.
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Discipline doesn't show how great you are as a parent.
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What your kids do without you being around, that's what says what's happening. Do they make the right choices?
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I don't know. And remember, who's doing the disciplining? If you are one who the mama is more
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the disciplinarian than the father, and this is if you're actually married together as one family,
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a connected family, then the mother is going to have the most influence. However,
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dad, when you do discipline, they're paying attention. And if you're now part of a blended family,
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or if you're divorced, things become a little bit more complicated because you can't control what
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the other parent is doing, right? So all the more reason why you have to be consistent, but that
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consistency has got to be appropriate for the child and what's going on. And if you act like,
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oh, I've got this all figured out, then let me tell you the kids, they're going to be ruling the
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roost for sure. So be careful, be cautious, be willing to learn more than even what you're teaching
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your kids. Seriously, that will be an impactful parent. And then finally, number three,
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build daily rituals of connection, whether it's a quick check-in before bedtime or weekend walks
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or maybe when you're driving them to activities or something, build habits that strengthen your
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relationship. Right? What is it? Maybe it's tea time. Maybe your kiddos are older and they're
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close enough. Maybe once a month you go somewhere for a weekend, and you just have that special time
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together. Oh my goodness, these are not just feel-good moments, even though, oh, a great coffee mocha,
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whatever that you have in those things, which I can't even pronounce, because I can't drink it,
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and I don't drink it. But whatever those complicated drinks are called, if that's something for you
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all, it's not about the coffee stuff. Right? It's not about that mocha latte. It's about you being
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together and connecting. That is an investment in your child's emotional and spiritual foundation.
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So make those daily rituals of connection. And if it can't be daily, because they're grown and
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they've moved away, then make it at least once a week on the phone, you know? Face time them,
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connect with them, zoom with them, whatever it is to connect and say, I love you. I want to know
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what's going on in your life. Set them a text, hey, what happened today? Now, I'm not saying, you know,
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just to bombard their life because you want them to, you know, live their life too. But I do think
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it's very important for them to know that not just because they're grown now, but you still love
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them. You still care about them. You want to know what's going on. And it's different. Now,
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I will tell you this as a little secret. When your kiddos call you, regardless of the age,
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you know, but specifically when they've kind of left the nest or they're at college or whatever,
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be available to them, it's never going to be convenient when they call you. Because you're going to be
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like, oh my goodness, I'm in the middle of a laundry or I'm doing dishes. You know what? That's
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all right. You can come back to all that. If you're shopping for groceries, well, maybe you have
22:38
to come back with that. If it feels like it's going to get to be a long conversation and it's an
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important conversation, go check out the self checkout and just walk out and take what you have
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and come back later. Because let me tell you, when they call you, there's a reason why they're calling
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you. Don't discount their reaching out to you. So many parents just hang up on their kids and I'm
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not talking about literally, I'm talking about figuratively. And they miss the mark because they're
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not present. Your kiddos are going to call at times that, well, it just doesn't work with your
23:11
schedule anymore. For the most part, you need to be available to them because that is what's going
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to impact their heart the most. You know, being a good parent happens naturally enough. You love
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your kids and you want the best for them. Most parents want that. Doesn't matter who you are,
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how much money you make, what you're doing in your career or even if you have a career, right?
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Pretty much you can be a good parent because you love your kids and you want what's best for them
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and you only know how to do it because of who showed it to you. But here's the thing.
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Being a great parent who leaves an indelible mark on your child's heart and mind requires grit,
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dedication, resilience and this relentless perseverance. It means choosing hard truths
23:59
over easy comfort every day. So ask yourself, will this year be a year where you just show up?
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Are you just kind of there when you're there? Or will it be the year you double down on what really
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matters? Where do you fit in? Maybe you're somewhat in the middle. But let's commit to one side
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of the other and I hope it'll be the latter that you want to double down on what really matters.
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You want to have that fierce connection with your children because ultimately,
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that's your living legacy, right? What you're doing now and when you're gone, who you leave behind.
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Your children's futures, their confidence and their ability to affect the world,
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it all depends on you being the parent they deserve, not just a friend or acting like
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their dictator or whatever, right? That's not it. So make it count. Make the lesson stick
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in a kind, sticky manner, okay? You can do all of that. Be the parent who raises not just a child,
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but a living legacy who will go out and impact the world that they touch just like you're doing.
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Go in peace. Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you
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on the other side. Blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon.
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Have a glorious quest weekend. Bye-bye. Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and
25:24
love your journey, visit createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way.
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We'll see you next time on Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie. And remember,
25:34
always be sure you consult your physician before beginning any health and fitness plan.