Episode 3945, The Heartbeat of a Powerhouse Marriage.

Moms, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew whom you are in mind, body, and spirit.

Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie.

The show that help you do just that.

Here's your host, Certified Life Coach,

Personal Trainer, and Nutritionist, Kristian Wargo.

Happy up-to-date! How are you doing this weekend?

Oh, come on, you've got to have a smile on your face.

I'm sitting here in the deep south in the state of Florida,

enjoying some beautiful sunshine and blue sky.

I don't know where you are, hopefully.

You don't, you know, pummeled with all the snow,

but take a deep breath.

It's all about relationship builders, the heartbeat of a powerhouse marriage.

For those of you who are brand-new to Create Your Now,

welcome to this incredible family.

I'm so delighted to be a presence.

If you already even had the opportunity,

you want to head on over to CreateYourNow.com,

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To keep it simple strategy, everyday solutions,

to live, love, and impact,

where this episode is brought to you by AIM,

Inspiring Connection, and Community.

All right, do I sound a little bit tired,

or maybe my voice does?

Well, I've been talking a lot.

Yes, when you're at a conference, you meet people.

You have conversations,

and it just doesn't happen from nine to five.

It goes into the dinner time hour,

then to the evening hour,

and sometimes into the early morning hour.

So I will do my best to have my voice

last for this entire thing.

But if you're like, gosh, Christine, what's happening?

I promise you, I'm not sick.

But here, what I want to talk about to you today,

is something that I think we really need to focus on,

and see your marriage as something different.

Now, if you're not married, I would say still stay tuned.

Why? Because I think you can learn a lot from this episode,

and not because of my knowledge and expertise,

but I want to share with you some things I've taken

from the expertise of watching a particular couple.

And I'm honored to be here in Florida right now.

My good friend, mentor, incredible man,

father, husband, just a man on his own,

but a man married to a woman.

They were the true powerhouse couple.

And you'll hear about his story as we go along.

But he was inducted last night into the podcast Hall of Fame.

His name is Dan Miller, New York Times bestselling author.

He has a podcast, his podcast, by the way, is still out there.

They have a way that if you're like, this intrigues you,

if his story intrigues you, go to the48days.com.

You can see the Eagles Alliance.

You can still become a part of what he does

because his family continues that in their own unique way.

And so this honestly is not this advertisement.

I don't want you to think, oh my gosh,

he's just going to talk about this and want me to go do this.

No, no, no.

This is going to hit you at the heart.

That's why I'm calling it the heartbeat.

But you see, I think a lot of times we come together,

we get married and we think, oh, I get to live my dreams

and my spouse is going to do anything and everything just for me.

And we forget that on the other side,

there are two eyes and a heart and two legs and two arms.

And that heart has dreams too.

And guess what, they're thinking the same thing.

Oh, we're going to get married and she's going to just,

you know, do everything for me and it's just going to be magnificent.

And then what happens?

You get married.

And all of a sudden, you're like, what?

Deer in the headlight moments.

This isn't what I dreamt.

This isn't what this book said or that book said.

This isn't what was modeled when I was growing up.

Good or bad, right?

This isn't what I saw in the movies.

But it's real life and it's your real life.

And when you are married, there is a commitment there.

You took a vow and I personally take those vows very seriously.

Now, as you know, my husband and I,

we had our own tornado.

He told me I'd fallen out of love.

We went through this.

This was over a decade ago.

It's been a long while.

Yet we still, we reconcile and we're still together.

And I would claim us to be the powerhouse couple.

But you see, this isn't about my story.

I didn't want to go deeper and say, oh, look at us and look at me

because that can be taken the wrong way.

And I know you know my heart.

And so today, I wanted to share a different heartbeat.

You know, marriage isn't about becoming one person.

It's about two whole individuals choosing to grow together

in a way that creates something far stronger than the some of its parts.

But the reality, the deer in the headlight moment,

that kind of connection doesn't come easy.

It takes diligent, ongoing effort for each spouse to develop themselves

as confident individuals.

And then, and there is the and then, if you don't get to this part,

you're not going to be that powerhouse couple.

So and then to intentionally build a relationship

that thrives on shared purpose and deep connection.

That's the heartbeat of a powerhouse marriage.

So I want you to consider Dan and Joanne Miller.

As I told you, Dan Miller, he's the New York Times bestselling author,

48 days to the life and work you love.

That book has been out there for decades.

Yes, in fact, it was fun.

I believe it was in 2017.

I think don't quote me on the year that they celebrated 48 years.

And so now we're over the 50 year mark is to what he did and how his impact was.

But that was way back then.

Even though he passed and graduated to our Heavenly Father,

our Lord and Savior, two years ago this January,

he still has left this lasting legacy, not just in his work,

48 days, but in the way he and Joanne modeled marriage.

Now, you're like, okay, well, that's Dan.

And even though Dan Wright was his incredible author,

Joanne was an author as well.

If you have not ever read her book, create a haven of peace,

we actually interviewed her.

We, I did here, I do not know the episode.

I'll try to go look it up and actually note it here in the show notes for you.

But you can just go and search Joanne Miller.

You'll see that and we talk about her book,

Create a Haven of Peace.

And it is about how she created this beautiful, peaceful environment.

Even though things could be going all crazy around you when you entered the home,

there was something there.

There was this heartbeat.

And this heartbeat was not about Dan ruled the rules.

So it wasn't about the kids were doing everything their way or the highway.

It was about Joanne being specific and intentional about what she did.

So the kids would want to come home.

So Dan would want to be with her.

It's an incredible read, seriously.

And it's an easy read.

So and it will change your life in the manner of how you look at things within your own home.

So I would encourage you to go check that out,

Create a Haven of Peace by Joanne Miller.

So she was a best-selling author in her own right, right?

Along with being an artist,

she had her talents just as much as Dan had his.

But here was a thing.

Dan was not that man who was like,

oh, life's all about me.

Look how great I am.

Go learn about his story.

Go see his ups and downs.

It's truly an amazing story.

A walk of faith.

A walk of intentionality.

A walk of purpose and passion.

Unfortunately, like I said in January of 2024,

Dan graduated and went home to be with her Lord.

Yet his legacy still lives through Joanne and his children.

However, right, this is not all about him.

I'm here in Florida because he was inducted into the podcast Hall of Fame.

But there was more to the story of Dan.

He knew it deep down and Joanne did too.

You see, they were the dynamic powerhouse couple

who changed people's lives for the better.

But this is where we have to pause.

This is where I need you to take a deep breath.

And you're like, okay, Christian,

where do I fit into this?

I'm not an author.

I don't sit there and talk to people.

I don't feel like my marriage is all that great.

But this is the deal.

They were not a powerhouse couple because of income, fame or status.

It wasn't about him being a New York Times best-selling author.

In fact, if you did not know that, he would not even tell you that.

It wasn't about titles.

It wasn't about how many dollar signs he had in his bank account.

No, their powerhouse came from their heart,

the mutual respect, the love for each other.

Their individuality paired with an unshakable partnership

that powered every part of their life together.

They were better together.

But you see, they did have to be better individually,

whole individuals.

And that took their own journey to go on.

And they did it together.

All right, they encouraged each other.

And that's why then, over time, they became that powerhouse couple.

Now, you don't have to be that bestseller or public figure

to have a powerhouse marriage, right?

You don't have to have a career that's like,

oh, and the angel sing, okay?

You don't have to have that.

You can be exactly who you are and still create a powerhouse marriage.

So what if you take a moment here and look at your marriage?

How would you describe it?

If somebody else was looking at the way you and your husband work,

what words would they use?

What words would you use?

Are they words that are life-sustaining,

living legacy-type words?

Are they words that kind of cut through the throat?

And you're like, oh, man.

Oh, maybe this is bringing something up within you.

Pay attention to that feeling.

And talking about feelings, what feelings come up when you think about

you and your spouse being together?

Is it like, oh, nope.

When does he go into work tomorrow?

When am I leaving?

I get to go to this conference.

It's been two weeks away.

Yay.

Is it that?

Or is it I cannot wait to see his face when he walks in that door

at 6.35 tonight?

What feelings come up?

Both about you being together as a couple yet also being an individual, too.

You can become a powerhouse couple and have a marriage that stands out

because of the two hearts becoming one.

But you must be willing to build that foundation.

That is your kiss to keep a simple strategy.

Build that powerhouse foundation and it's not about fame or status.

You don't have to claim anything to be a powerhouse couple.

You don't need to have all the accolades and achievements.

You don't have to be an NFL football player that's getting ready

to go to the playoffs to continue that road, right?

All of them, Chicago Bears, San Francisco 49ers, all of them,

right, that are still going for the coveted trophy

and the title of Super Bowl champions.

But you can have the coveted title of powerhouse marriage.

The powerhouse couple because of who you are,

who you are becoming as an individual and as a couple.

So I really want to dive deep here

in what that looks like.

How do you build that foundation?

And these are things that you can start right now.

And it's going to take some thinking.

It's going to take some planning.

So if you're driving or you're working out great, come back to this, though.

Go to the show notes, go to createyourdown.com

and look at, okay, what did she say about this?

What can I do?

Really reflect because, you know, what would happen?

Just think about this for a minute.

What would happen if you would take a moment

and allow yourself to study your marriage,

to study your love, to see where you are,

not to compare this.

It's not taking your marriage and comparing it to Dan or Joanne

or comparing it to mine and my husbands.

That's not what this is about.

But looking at it with an open mind,

seeing the facts and the truth that are before you,

notating the feelings because remember,

feelings and emotions, they change.

Right?

And as you grow older, right?

You're going to change.

There's transformation that's there.

So understand that this is happening all the time.

And in order to be that powerhouse couple

and have that powerhouse marriage,

you have to be willing to put in that work.

You have to be willing to pull back the layers and say,

wow, this area we need help on.

But wow, this area over here, we rock it.

Because I don't care when you look at a couple, right?

And you say, oh my goodness, they're amazing.

They're beautiful.

They have an incredible family.

I mean, they're children.

They do everything right, okay?

Remember, this isn't about studying the highlight reels.

This is about getting into the nitty-gritty,

the heartbeat, the soil,

of where your hearts are planted together.

So what does it look like to focus on really building that foundation to be

and to have a powerhouse marriage?

Number one, cultivate individual confidence.

That's a lot, isn't it?

Yeah, I know.

As I was looking at that, I was like cultivate individual confidence.

Some of us don't, I mean, we wake up and we're like,

I'm ready to go back to bed, right?

Hit the snooze, hit the snooze, hit the snooze.

Well, before you can build a strong we,

you must invest in me.

And I guarantee you, Dan and Joanne did just that.

They invested in their own individuality,

who they were as a person.

And so each person, each partner, each spouse,

needs to pursue personal growth, embrace their passions,

right, and develop a strong sense of identity outside the marriage.

I mean, did you marry your husband thinking that he was going to give you everything?

And then vice versa has been,

did you marry your wife thinking that she's going to give me everything?

She's going to be my trophy wife.

You may not have called her that,

but she was so beautiful.

And your husband was so handsome that you're like,

that's my man.

And now we're 10, 15, 20 years in and you're like,

oh, there's an actual belly on that incredible man,

who kind of has an attitude once in a while.

And oh, this woman who had these beautiful, long, sexy legs,

well now she's got wrinkles and she's got bags under her eyes and she wants to go to bed

by nine o'clock every night.

Where's my power girl?

Right, that's the reality.

But you've got to look at cultivating the individual confidence,

where you are, how you're changing.

And let me tell you this, this isn't selfish.

It's necessary.

When both partners,

feel confident and hold on their own as an individual,

they bring their best selves, right?

Their best selfie into the relationship, into the marriage,

instead of seeking completion through the other.

I'm telling you right now,

your husband, your wife will not complete you.

You are your own individual, but together,

you are an incredible puzzle, right?

It's like when you have those thousand-piece puzzles,

and Dan and Joanne would sit there and do puzzles together.

They loved working with puzzles,

and their grandchildren would come over,

even their children, of course, when they were younger,

or they were just out, you know,

frolicing in life,

and then grandchildren came and said,

they do these incredible puzzles,

and they sit there, honestly.

I don't know that I have the patience for that,

but what was interesting is that

we would come over to their home,

and they would have a puzzle,

almost always, on their table.

And there would be those few missing pieces.

You see, the puzzle isn't finished, right,

until those final puzzle pieces are put in place.

And that was a thing.

The puzzle could be beautiful individually, right?

Each of those little cute things, and they're little.

And there's thousands, right?

In front of your hundreds, to make thousand-piece puzzle.

All the little things,

think about all the nuances that you bring into your marriage.

But the last two pieces are the hearts,

and that's what finishes the puzzle.

It makes it whole.

Nothing like having two hearts come together,

that are beautiful in their own right.

But put together,

their masterpiece.

Dan and Joanne had their own unique strengths and contributions.

They impacted the world in their own manner.

That individuality was a soil in which their marriage routes

grew deep and healthy.

And so if you're unsure where you stand as an individual, start there,

get crystal clear on your values,

on your purpose, your passions, your goals.

Who are you as an individual?

And know that you change too, right?

You grow and experience an age, and hopefully, that means wisdom comes.

But you have to be willing to pull back the layers on yourself.

If you're one who thinks, I got it all put together,

I don't need to change.

I don't need any work.

I am who I am.

I would say we need a conversation.

Dan would say it too.

And Joanne would agree.

In fact, she might shout out loudly,

more loudly than he ever would.

You see, we have to continually work on ourselves.

Why? Because we are always changing as an individual.

There's always something to learn.

There's always something to improve upon.

But you have to be willing.

And so if you're that unwilling spirit,

that person who says,

nope, I got it all put together.

It's all my wife's problem or vice versa.

Oh, I've got it all put together.

But my husband, he's got the problems.

Nope, let me hear.

I'm just going to settle it now.

You both have your problems.

And you're both going to figure that out.

I did one of my husband and I had our tornado in life.

I didn't sit there and point fingers at my husband.

He had to travel and walk that journey for him.

And I walked my own for me.

What is it for you?

Cultivate individual confidence.

Number two, build intentional connection and communication.

You see strong couples, right?

They just don't click by accident.

Even if you were a high school sweetheart couple

and you're like, yeah, we were together forever.

I've known her since five years old.

Let me tell you,

if you're a powerhouse couple

and you have a powerhouse marriage,

you've put in the work.

You've had to be intentional.

You've had to learn to communicate.

It didn't just by chance happen.

Now, you may have been blessed to have moments that are like,

whoa, and the angel sing, right?

And it's like, yes, yes, yes.

But there were many times

that you were probably in the shower crying

while your husband was out there celebrating and gaming

or whatever watching a football game.

Yelling at the TV, maybe drinking a few beers.

I'm not saying any of that's wrong.

I'm just saying life didn't look the way you thought it would.

The work is hard.

So you've got to be willing to work harder than most

on the fundamentals, right?

A foundation is a fundamental.

And that shifts too.

Have you noticed in your home that there's cracks in your driveway,

cracks in your foundation.

If you have a basement, go look at it.

Why? Because things settle.

And sometimes you have to go and fill in those cracks.

Sometimes you have to bring in the experts

to fix them because your house might be shifted a little too much.

Sometimes you need to come in and have some things,

you know, if it's an older home, you have to jack up your house a little bit

and refit all the support things underneath.

You've got to crawl space, right?

The fundamentals, the foundation.

That's the honesty, the vulnerability,

and active listening, sharing your truths even when uncomfortable.

And you should be uncomfortable, right?

That's what vulnerability is.

And intentionally tuning into your partner's needs,

that creates a connection that weather storms.

And I'm here to tell you, if you're not in a storm, one's coming.

Or you might be coming out of a storm,

but you see that's part of the change, right?

Just look at the weather.

As much as the weather changes, so does your marriage.

It's ever evolving because if it's not,

your marriage is stagnant and that means it's dead.

I don't want you to get to that, right?

Build intentional connection and communication.

Dan and Joanne's marriage truly exemplified this daily commitment to connection.

Every single Friday night was date night for them.

Dan would take Joanne out and this was his commitment to her.

And they would go to a place sometimes the same restaurant or a different restaurant.

And when they moved from Tennessee to now relocated and when they moved there,

they were like, oh, let's try this place in this place.

Mom and pop place.

Oh, maybe a chain that's only found in the south.

And they would find their little niche like, oh, I like this.

Oh, this one was okay.

But they did it every single Friday.

They didn't miss it.

They're kids new.

They're grandkids new.

Well, Grandpa's going out with Grandma.

And that's what they did.

They prioritized conversations that mattered.

They supported each other's dreams and openly navigated challenges with transparency and grace.

That doesn't mean they never had an argument.

Joanne, if you would catch her walking and shopping in a store, she would tell you, oh, yeah, we

argued. Oh, yeah, I disagreed a lot of times. I pushed back on Dan.

But we still loved each other and we wanted what was best for each other.

So we were vulnerable with each other and we found a way to love each other through the

challenges with transparency and grace, forgiving and moving on.

That's a powerhouse couple.

That's a powerhouse marriage that stays aligned on nice ups and downs.

You can have that, but it takes work.

And I want to finally leave you with number three, create shared purpose and celebrate teamwork.

Two confident individuals, right, coming together, create a powerhouse only

when they are aligned on their shared mission in life.

Now this mission could be raising a family and maybe that's where you were.

If you're an empty destor now, that mission has changed and that's okay.

Your mission is going to change.

That doesn't mean that something's broken down.

Life changes, right? You grow.

It should change.

That's why you got to stay connected.

So maybe your mission might be raising a family at times.

It could be building a business, serving a community,

working in your church, or simply choosing joy in everyday life.

But here is the big kickeroo.

It must be a joint pursuit.

You have to pursue it together.

That doesn't mean that you're doing everything together.

Dan had his things.

Joanne had her things, but let me tell you,

they had their things together.

And it was magical.

And they pursued it together.

Dan and Joanne shared her heart for inspiring and helping others thrive

and live out their God-given purpose.

Which fueled their partnership far beyond any personal accolade or achievement.

So I want to encourage you today, find your why together.

Make decisions as a team and celebrate when's big or small

as a collective force, right?

Dan and Joanne didn't do everything together, but they did do life together.

And I know that's kind of a hard concept because it's like,

but Christian, I should just be able, I mean, he should dot my eyes,

and I should cross his teeth.

Yeah, I get that.

And you will, in sentences,

you're taking care of the house, maybe at times,

and he's doing the career.

And then maybe you're taking care of your career,

and he's taking care of the house.

There's ebbs and flows.

But it wasn't about doing everything together.

Because you all had different and still do different interests.

But it's about doing life together.

So I got a question for you.

Why settle for just married when you can be a power couple in the truest sense?

Being a powerhouse couple isn't about wealth or status.

And I cannot stress that enough because I think that term is thrown around loosely,

and we think it's only for the celebrities and all of this.

It's not.

Being the powerhouse couple and having the powerhouse marriage

is about becoming too strong, whole people,

intentionally growing in a relationship rooted in respect,

communication, and shared vision.

It's hard work.

Right?

Dan and Joanne Miller's legacy teaches us that the payoff

is a marriage that not only lasts but thrives as a force for good in the world.

But I want to take this a step further.

My mom experienced this.

My father passed away unexpectedly when he was 65 years old.

And she's still with us at 81.

You do the math.

Joanne lost her husband.

Dan.

And so you may be in a season where all of a sudden your life's partner

is no longer physically present with you here on Earth.

Since Dan's passing,

you can still see the ripple effect of him and Joanne being a powerhouse couple.

Just because you lost your spouse doesn't mean

you lose that connection.

Just because they are separated by life and a physical death

has not separated their hearts.

I know Joanne would say they are eternally connected and she's excited about the day

when she sees her husband again and can wrap her arms around him.

But in the meantime,

they are still a powerhouse couple with that powerhouse marriage

who changed many lives and still continue to this day to do the same.

Because of how they continue to make it impact on the world they touch.

Oh, my friend, I pray this inspires you not to be like them.

No, no, no, no, no.

Joanne would not want that for sure.

And I don't want that for you either.

But I want you to become the powerhouse couple God is calling you to.

And that means it starts with you.

It starts with one heart and one heart.

You become whole and you bring it together

to become two hearts joined.

Right?

Two hearts become one heart.

You are created for more and marriage too.

Don't settle for, it's okay.

I want you to be encouraged to have a marriage

that you want to be around your spouse.

Now I get it, you're going to kind of be like,

oh, well, he has moments, yeah, and so do you.

I do too and so does my husband.

Joanne did and still does.

But it looks different now because Dan is gone.

We all have our moments.

But we can choose to do life together

regardless of the moments individually, right?

So look at your marriage today.

I want you to feel this magnetism, right?

This force, it's like you want to be drawn together.

That is when you know you have the heartbeat of a powerhouse marriage.

Go in peace, be present, be incredible, be you.

I love you so very much.

I cannot wait to see you on the other side.

Blessing tags and lots and lots of love.

We'll talk to you real soon.

Have a glorious, blessed weekend.

Enjoy those football games.

Go check out Joanne's book, create a haven of peace.

Most importantly, love on your spouse.

Because you know what?

Two and two hearts become one.

The best thing ever.

Love you.

We'll talk to you soon.

Bye-bye.

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