Episode 3951, prepare the way.

Moms, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate, and renew who you are in mind, body, and spirit.

Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that.

Here's your host, Certified Life Coach, personal trainer, and nutritionist, Christian Wardo.

Happy everyday, I hope you're having a fabulous end to your week. Can you believe it?

Yes, the weekend has arrived. It's Friday. Raise the roof. It's time for happy dancing.

And guess what? More food. Well, yes, it is. But before that, we got to talk about kids.

I know why they always around. Prepare the way. For those of your brand-new to Create Your Now,

welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted of your presence.

If you already have the opportunity, you want to head on over to CreateYourNow.com,

where you can learn more and sign up for the Kisses newsletter, the Keep It Cymbal Strategy,

everyday solutions to live, love, and impact with this episode of Brought to you by AIM,

Inspiring Connection, and Community. Before we jump in too fast,

first off, are you staying warm? We got this cold front coming in with

snow and sleet and rain and every hour and a half to two hours. The whole weather forecast changes.

I have no idea. So for some reason, you don't see me or hear me, I should say more specifically

here and all of a sudden you're like, well, there's not an episode. Maybe there's not another episode.

We might have some down areas. So just go back and listen to some other episodes. We have almost

4,000 to listen to. So I think I have a few to choose from. But hopefully that won't be the case.

I want to be here for you every single day. And if I can, even if I jump on for just five minutes,

maybe I will do that. Let you know kind of the craziness that's happening. Or maybe not.

You know, sometimes we wrap ourselves around this whole idea of, oh, this is what's going to happen.

And we work ourselves up to really nothing. But in the meantime, it's like our blood pressure is

raising. We don't know what to do. And we kind of do that as a parent. It's like, oh, this is going

to be awesome. And all of a sudden we have the child and we're like, oh, when we do now?

So somehow you make it through. You do your best. Hopefully you have great people. You can rely on.

Hopefully you dive into books and read some things. Because let me just tell you right now.

I'm just going to pull the bandaid off. No parent is perfect. Period. End of story.

Doesn't matter who you are. I don't care how much money you have. How empty your bank account is.

It does not matter. You could come from the best of homes or the worst of homes. You might be living

in a shack. It does not matter. There is no perfect parent here on earth. But we do have an

Heavenly Father who shows us how we can love our children. And so today, you know, it's confessions

of an upset mom and sometimes I can't even say it right because I get so worked up about it.

But I've been thinking about this for a long time. You know, when your children are little,

parenting feels all-consuming. Overwhelmed doesn't even seem like a fitting word yet

your hands on from feeding to teaching to fixing right, dressing everything. Every day is full of

immediate needs, constant crisis management, and unconditional love sprinkled throughout.

Is that pretty much something for you? I think so. It's easy to believe that how you prepare the way

means just getting them through those early years. But then they grow. They move into adolescence,

young adulthood, and beyond. And suddenly, the kind of parenting required, well, it all shifts.

The challenges become less about diapers and homework, and more about identity,

independence, big life choices, and emotional resilience and everything in between, right?

And sometimes I think we don't stop long enough to understand where we are in the process

of their growth. And the tricky part is that your responsibility and you may call it your job

doesn't pause. It evolves. And the last thing you want is to be caught off guard when that next

stage hits. And it comes in like a wreck and bowl, right? I mean, it does. And you're like,

I can't breathe. This is not fair. And then you go and you talk about it to your girlfriend,

you head out with the guys, whatever it is. And you're just like, I'm not going to make it through.

And then you have other life circumstances, right? That happen behind the scenes.

Maybe it's within your marriage. Maybe it's within your job. Maybe it's within your community,

your church. Maybe it's just with a really good friend. And all of a sudden,

life happens even more. And then you've got all of that on top of being a parent.

But you see being prepared means adapting your mindset and skills before your kids need you to.

The way you parent teenagers or young adults isn't the same way you parent toddlers. And that's

exactly the point. Preparing the way is a lifelong commitment, not just about raising kids, right?

That's not the whole point, but it's to grow with them. You get to be stretched. So as time,

you prepare the way that your kids to keep it simple strategy, prepare the way. Think about how

you have parented your kids in the past. How have you made changes along the way as they've gone

through their stages of life? I mean, when you have an infant, it's totally different when you have

a toddler when it moves into teens and tweens or really it's tweens and teens. And then you've

got adolescence, which we kind of use that word with tweens and teens. But then sometimes we don't

because that adolescence may not kick in for you to like 17, 18, 19. And you're like, but that's

early adulthood. Yeah, it is kind of, but then you're like, but they're not there yet. Where's

their maturity? I get it. So when should you think back to a situation? And I'm sure you can get

there fast. You don't have to like sit here and ponder this forever. If you do, that's actually

probably a good side. But think back to a situation where you wished you had responded differently.

Maybe it was when you were at the store or the movies or even at church, maybe you were grocery

shopping, maybe you were doing things for Christmas. What was it for you? Maybe it was at a birthday

party. Consider the environment and how you could have responded differently. Okay, that's the key

here. Not how you responded. But how could you have changed the situation and then possibly the

outcome of what you're teaching your children by the way you responded? Maybe it's what you said.

Maybe it's a tone of your voice that was used. Maybe it's discipline used to or the lack there of,

you know, if you're sitting there, putting your kids in time out and you just do that, but it's

time out that really has no relevancy to what really happened. And then you go to talk to them,

but it's three hours later because you got stuck doing something else and you're fumbling through

your phone and they fell asleep. Do you think any of it sticks? No, it does not because they can't

attach what happened. They have very, very short term memories. As in, this is what I did

and this is the result. And if that happened and I'm not supposed to have it happen,

then I need to be told very, very quickly. Otherwise, guess what? It doesn't stick. And then it

becomes a game to the child, right? So discipline. Did you use it or not? Could you have done a different

type of discipline? Maybe it's how it ended. We can be so quick to try and put out a fire for hundreds

of reasons, right? Seriously, start naming them. Just go down the checklist. But what matters is how

you prepare the way for them to learn the lesson. This isn't about your ego or how good of a parent

you are. It must be in the child's best interest. It's what is best for them. And yes,

that means your response and how you prepare the way will differ for each child. One size does

not fit all. So if you got a big family, guess what? You better start learning real fast because

you may be disciplining different ways all the time. And let me tell you, I had to do it. Sometimes

timeout would work. Sometimes a quick spanking might be better. Sometimes it was just a quiet voice.

And mama looking and having three or four words. And that was the end of it.

So go back to a situation. Maybe you're already exhausted just thinking about it. Well, that means

you care. You're diving deep enough. So give yourself a high five, a pat on the back. Don't be yourself

up over what you think you did wrong. That's what this episode is not about. Okay, it's not about

gosh, your horrible mom. What have you been doing all these days? It's not about that because let me

tell you, I was never a perfect mom and you will never be either. And I don't use that word lightly

meaning never. It's just not going to happen. But you can be better every single day. And if you

aim to be one percent better, guess what? You're doing your children such, I mean, you're giving them

an incredible gift for life now. They're not going to come up and tell you that. They won't, nor should

they. But maybe one of these days, they'll find themselves repeating something that you said. And

they'll be like, I'm like my mother, you know, be just kind of giggling the back. Or if you're not

around, it'll be a good memory. So don't beat yourself up over what you have or haven't done.

Use your reflection to gain a deeper understanding of where you are and where your child needs you to

grow. Did you hear that or did you finish the sentence yourself? Because if you finished your sentence

yourself, this is what it probably sounded like. Why I need to use the reflection to gain a deeper

understanding of where I am and where I need to take my child. That's not what I said. I said,

use your reflection to gain a deeper understanding of where you are and where your child needs you

to grow. Oh, there's a big difference. Yeah, mom, you got to be stretched. Dad, you too. You're not

off the hook here. You're not perfect by any means. So pay attention. Kids can teach us a lot about

ourselves. And maybe if you haven't noticed, you can look at your kids and be like, oh, wow,

where do they get that trait? And if it's a bad one, you immediately want to place it on what?

Mm-hmm. Where the other one comes from, right? So if your mama, you're like, you got that from

dad. But what if they got all your bad traits from you? Seriously, does that really make a difference?

No. Why? Because you have the opportunity to influence them. You are their greatest influencer.

So don't hold back your skills and what you need to learn because you think you can't

become. You can. So don't give up. So what does it look like in real life to really grow

with your child in the way that they need you to grow? Number one, stay curious and keep learning

together. Your kids don't stop growing. And either should you. When you embrace curiosity,

instead of trying to have all the answers, you set a powerful example. Read that book, learn

that new skill, dig into what fascinates them. Don't just sit there and be in complacency mode.

This isn't about, I got this all put together. Or I had the best parents and I'm going to do

exactly what they did. Red flag. Guess what? Your kiddos are not like you. You're being

raising kids actually in a time that's totally different than you were raised. I don't care when

technology came into it. There's a difference. Every generation, there's a difference. So you've got

to pay attention. You got to dig. You got to learn. You got to be willing to say, you know what?

I did that wrong, but that's okay. Ask for forgiveness and do something next a better way.

This isn't about pretending to be cool or chasing trends. Don't get on TikTok to figure out

how to be the best parent. It might be entertaining, but you may not learn what really matters.

It's about being genuinely invested in the things your child cares about. See the world through

their eyes. Don't assume you know it all. And doing this together levels up your connection and

shows that growth never stops. God created us that way. We are to be stretched. We are creators.

We are to learn until the day we take our last breath. And when you do that, when you really

allow yourself to buy into the whole idea of yes, growth never stops. It sends the loud message

that learning is a lifelong adventure, not a checklist. You don't arrive. And then you're just

now the best parent ever. You become and become and become every single day. So when you take that

last breath, hopefully when your children look back and your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren,

they'll be able to say, I remember when grandma, I remember when mom, I remember when Gigi.

That is becoming a better parent. Number two, adapt your role as their need shift. When kids are young,

parents are fixers. They're teachers and sheriffs, right? I mean, think about that. We want to fix

things, right? We're teachers. We're trying to help them learn and we're sheriffs. We're trying to,

you know, keep everything calm. And sometimes if you have multiple kids and oh, they can test you to

all-inth degree, right? But as they grow, your job shifts from controller to coach, from manager

to mentor. This requires self-awareness and humility because the way you lead and support needs

recalibration. You need a reset once in a while. I need a reset once in a while. I mean, I stumble

over my words. I stumble over my actions and I try to be there. And to be the best mama, there

is and the breast grandma. I'm not a Gigi yet, but you know what? Maybe one of these days I will be,

but I'm not rushing into that. I'm enjoying my time right now. I got many, many decades before

that happens. But when you think about it, you've got to recognize when to step back and then when

to step in. And that means sometimes you got to let your kids fall. And that's hard because then

you have to be there to pick up the pieces. And that's not always the easiest thing in the world

to do. In fact, I would say in my experience, it's one of the hardest. So recognize when to step

back, when to step in and when to cheer on quietly from the sidelines. I got a big mouth.

It projects. Okay, I was a cheerleader. And I'm going to be anybody and everybody's loudest cheerleader

ever. And if I yell, you'd be like Christian, you broke my eardrums, I know.

But sometimes quiet is best. Sometimes high five is just what they need. We don't always have

to bring the extra boldness and loudness to everything our kids do. Think about it.

Your willingness to evolve moves your relationship beyond authority-based parenting into partnership

and mutual respect. And let me tell you, my friend, that is earned. Mama, don't give up. You will

get there. It takes time. And by the way, it doesn't fade overnight. It doesn't. You may feel

like you've lost a child as in not death. Okay, that's not what I'm referring to, by the way.

What I'm saying is maybe your relationship is a little bit tense or you haven't had a relationship

really and you're estranged. Don't give up. Don't give up. Pray for your children always.

And I promise you, love unconditionally. Make sure your door and windows are always open for

your children. And let them come back and I promise you they will. You may not like what they

had to go through. You may not like the choices that they made, but they will come home to you.

But you have to be willing to let your heart break in order to love more.

And finally, number three, model emotional honesty and resilience.

You know, growth isn't linear. Life throws curveballs and the way forward isn't always clear.

So let your kids see you wrestle with your own challenges. Express authentic, genuine emotions.

Don't pretend. No drama here, right? And let them see you bounce back. Let them see you

rise up. Showing how you handle setbacks teaches a crucial lesson. Strength isn't about perfection.

It's about persistence. Letting go of the superparent act, right? You got to wear your super cape.

No, you don't. It's all about embracing real humanity and allowing yourself to empower your

kids to do the same. You've got grandkids, same thing, nieces and nephews, pour in to those

kiddos regardless of the age. You know, I look at Indiana University here. You thought I wasn't

going to talk football. Did you? I couldn't get away with this story. But seriously, you got to

read some of the background of Indiana University and how they won the college national championship.

16 and oh, I could go on and on. There's only been one other school that has done that before 16

and oh, and one the championship that was jail, I believe in 1894. Amazing. But see, here's the thing.

You would see their quarterback, right? Fernando Mendoza. He wasn't raised with the best of

everything instead. His mom, and I'm sure his dad too, taught him how to do his best in whatever

circumstances he found himself in. He wasn't recruited by a top 10 football program. In fact,

he was a third string with more failures on the field than successes. That doesn't work well for

any hopeful NFL quarterback. But Mendoza's mom did everything she could to the best of her ability.

She encouraged. She knew that her son was capable, right? And what she did, even with her diagnosis

of MS, was to say, you know what? Nothing is impossible. You can put your best foot forward

regardless of the circumstances that you're in. When our children were young, they didn't even know

what mommy had been fighting as they were growing up. They didn't know mommy was sick.

It's amazing the family story behind the quarterback. You see, it's just not about that ball on the field.

It's about what's in the hearts that are connected. You know, just a few things that I've read since

all the hype from her son's success on the field. Mendoza's mom can really teach us a lot of

things. And here are a few things that I gathered personally and just watching her from afar.

Be who you are becoming. Love more and be present. Pretty simplistic, but pretty deep too.

It calls us to a higher standard as a mom and as a dad.

Parenting doesn't stop when your kids hit milestones or chase their dreams.

The way you're preparing is never finished. It's a living breathing path you paved together.

Grow with them, adapt and show up honestly. That's the living legacy your kids will remember.

Go in peace. Be present. Be incredible. Be you.

I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other side.

Blessing tags and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon.

Have a glorious blessed weekend. Oh, and stay warm and safe. Love you. Bye.

Feeling inspired and ready to train for life and love your journey.

Visit createyournow.com for more incredible resources to help you along the way.

We'll see you next time on create your now your best selfie.

And remember, always be sure you consult your physician before beginning any health and fitness plan.