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Episode 3966, build an unbeatable marriage.
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Moms, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate and renew who you are in mind, body, and spirit.
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Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that.
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Here's your host, certified life coach, personal trainer, and nutritionist, Christian Wargo.
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Happy every day, it's the weekend!
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You got the Olympics. Did you watch the opening ceremony? Oh my goodness, it was
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absolutely gorgeous. Best rising at times, and maybe you kind of questioned a few things
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as to what was going on, but regardless, guess what, it's all about marriage.
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Are you ready to blend your life together better? Oh yes, super bowl, marriage, come on,
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build an unbeatable marriage. For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now,
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welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted to be present. If you already
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have the opportunity, you want to head on over to CreatureNow.com, where you can learn more
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and sign up for the Kissed Newsletter. To keep it simple strategy, everyday solutions,
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to live, love, and impact, with this episode as brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection,
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and Community. All right, so I just have to say, the quickest way to your husband's heart,
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this is tummy. So if you're going to be watching any of the games, if you're going to be watching
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any of the Winter Olympics, by all means, make sure you have snack food, make sure you have
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his favorite drink. I'm just saying, let's make this easy, right? We can just say the end,
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see you later, have a great weekend. But it's more, right, to building a marriage than just food.
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But let me tell you, it goes a long way. I know, I have a fabulous husband, but he says he has a
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fabulous wife because she knows how to cook for him. And when he travels or when I travel,
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it's like, can't hunt. Could you get back soon? Because I really want some good food. He doesn't
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like eating out all the time. And neither do I actually. But anyway, that's a total side bar.
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What are you doing this weekend? Are you enjoying family time? A couple days ago, man,
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it was just absolutely cold. And then we got into this bright, sun shining weather in the low
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fifties up into the sixties. And I thought, there's no way this is really happening. And then guess
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what? The hailing winds came in. I'm like, seriously, but we're supposed to still be a little bit warmer.
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We are getting below freezing over the next two days, but they're much supposed to be about
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50. So what is your weather looking like? And are you looking at your weather also in terms of
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maybe your marriage? Is your weather, you know, and marriage kind of the same ice cold? Or are you
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super hot? That's all I got to say. I mean, because really, we've got to understand that marriage
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isn't a solo journey, right? It's a coordinated team effort that wins and loses together.
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That's what it is. And whether you're like a quarterback reading his receiver's movements
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or maybe you're a pair of dancers, right, skating along the ice in perfect harmony,
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successful marriages require sharp communication, unwavering trust, and an instinctive understanding
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of each other's needs. When both partners learn to anticipate, adapt, and align, that's what
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moves them closer to their shared goals. They can then build an unbeatable marriage on
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and off the field. That means in the privacy of your own four walls or the stuff outside of it,
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right? And I know sometimes life gets tough and you're like, come on, Christy. And you know,
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this kind of partnership doesn't happen by accident. You're correct. You're spot on.
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But people are like, well, why can't it? Because I really don't want to have to work that hard.
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But that's what I'm here to remind you. It takes practice. It takes commitment. It takes a
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game plan that both partners buy into. Right? I mean, look at the Super Bowl. What's happening?
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Right? You got the CLC hawks and you've got the New England Patriots. If they were both
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operating on different playbooks, right? If you had the CLC hawks, it said, okay, Sam Darnell had
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his own playbook. And then you have the defensive line, have their own. And then the offensive line
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had their own playbook. You had three different playbooks. We'll just leave out special teams.
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What would happen more than total chaos? In fact, they probably all would run off the field and be like,
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I don't know who's going where I'm done with this. I quit. And they would look for another team.
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And you wonder why there's the big guests and the big D, right? The big separation, the big
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divorce. Too often couples play on different teams or worse, they just sit out the game altogether
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because facing reality feels harder than staying on the sidelines. It's hard. But let me remind you,
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settling for not broken enough means settling for far less than the Super Bowl caliber marriage
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deserves, that your marriage deserves. So how do you get back in the game and play on the same
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team again? And that really comes to the question, are you playing on the same team? Maybe
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you're not. Maybe you are. What does it look like on a scale of one to 10? If you're playing on
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the same team, or if you're not playing on the same team, how close are you on the same team?
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Are you at a zero? Like, no, we're a close Christian or a man. We are almost at a 7.67.
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Right? You're going to kind of terminate like they would on ice skating. Sorry, I was watching
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the team events prior to recording. And I'm just mesmerized. I can't wait to see the guys do
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theirs, the single men, when they do their individuals. But it's the team one where they're all
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skating to get the team trophy. Okay, they haven't gone to the individual jet anyway, just to clarify.
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So how do you play on that same team? How do you get closer to each other? Well, I want to
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remind you also that it's charged with one person willing to make the first move. Right? If you have
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pairs ice skaters, one can start out there. And so can the other one, right? But then they have to
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figure out, oh, wait, we got to come together then. So you got to be willing to make the first move.
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And then hopefully your spouse will be willing to make the first move too. And since marriage is a
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team sport, it takes both players across the finish line. But the kickoff, it begins with you.
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Right? So you're standing there in the middle of the field. You're super bowl of life.
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You're going to have the marriage that you want that you've always dreamt of from since you were
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however old you were. And maybe life has gotten in the way a little bit. Maybe there's just been
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some crazy things. I get it. But you can recommit and win together. That is your kiss to keep
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it simple strategy. Recomit and win together. It's not about doing stuff by yourself. Because if you
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do, it's going to lead you down that horrible rabbit hole of which I don't think you really want.
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I know God doesn't want it for us now. Understand this. I do believe sometimes two people should have
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never married. There are those reasons. Okay? And I'm not here to judge if you have been divorced.
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I'm not here to judge if you're thinking about it or separation, whatever it is. You need to do
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it's right for you where you're safe. Okay? That is your personal decision. But I will tell you that
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if you want to stay married and you want to have an incredible marriage, you've got to recommit and
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win together. It just can't be about me, me, me, me, me, W-I-I-F-M, right? What's in it for me?
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That works when you're single and solo, but you're not doing this in marriage. It's when me
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becomes we. So what does it look like in real life to recommit and win together? Number one,
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spend meaningful time together. What a concept, right? But oddly enough, you can go out there,
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go to chat GPT, go to Google and whatever. And we've got now marriages that they don't even know
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each other because they're not even together. We've got two people working on their careers.
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Okay? Great. There's nothing wrong with that. But you got to be willing to come together and
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spend time together or you're not going to be together. Do you see what I'm saying? Like it's
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kind of common sense here. And a lot of people wonder how they end up in mediation
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before, as they're trying to go through, you know, the separation or divorce, all that stuff,
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right? And they're like, how do I even get here? Like, I never thought I would get here.
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Well, did you even spend time together? Like, were you even close to being on the same page?
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So put those distractions on pause and carve out 30 minutes this weekend. And I would aim that
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you do at least 30 minutes to an hour every single week for a focused conversation about what
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matters most. Share your priorities, your feelings, your goals. This isn't just small talk.
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It's game strategy. You guys have got to be on the same page because if you guys aren't on the same
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page, well, might as well turn to the playbook now because the playbook's not working, right?
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It can't be in the same game if you're not on the same team. You're not going to win. I mean,
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it's like saying, okay, Sam Darnell, all of a sudden it's going to be the quarterback for the
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New England Patriots. I know scratch your head, kind of crazy, that thought or idea. But Drake may,
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if he moved over to the Seattle Seahawks, and all of a sudden they were wearing different colors,
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trying to use the playbooks they figured out on their preparation to the Super Bowl,
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and now they're like, everybody's confused. But isn't that how we show up in marriage?
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That we come with two different playbooks thinking, I've got mine down patent. We just need mine.
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We don't need chores. It's all right. Just put it away, babe. No, that's not it.
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You've got to be willing to come together, right? So you've got to spend time together,
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meaningful time together. You've got to dream together. You've got to set goals together.
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Not everything has to be the same. I mean, you two could have totally different careers.
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That's fabulous. But get on the same page with your children. Get on the same page with
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what you want to do when you retire. What does that look like? Start dreaming that. Maybe you
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haven't even bought your first house. Maybe you start dreaming about that. What is it? What can you do
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together? And also, what can you do individually? Your partner needs to know your personal priorities.
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What are you doing in your career? What are you doing with your walk with your Heavenly Father?
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What does that look like? What are you questioning? What feelings have been stirring up for you
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this week? Maybe it was a hard week or maybe something happened with one of the kiddos at school
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and you're just like all over the place and you just don't know where to begin. Again, this isn't
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small talk. It's a strategy. It's called communication. 101. It'll get you a long ways in marriage.
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Number two, listen deeply. Don't just hear words. Tune into the unspoken. Okay, I'm going to say
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that again because you weren't listening. Don't just hear words. Tune into the unspoken. That means
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pay attention to the tone. Listen for the pauses. Watch the body language. Look what your partner's
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wearing. Pay attention to how things sound around them. So for example, the tone might be,
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I cannot believe you. You're just such a... Does that sound very nice? No, it has an edge to it,
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doesn't it? Oh, I just love you. That doesn't sound really kind. Right? Pay attention to the tone.
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The pauses. That's enough versus... All right, I'm listening. Two big different pauses, two big
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different breaths taken. And what about the body language? Are your arms crossed or folded? Wait,
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is your partner's arms crossed or folded? Are you talking to them with a wall or two or three
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between you? Seriously, I know you think, oh, I never thought about that. Exactly my point.
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When you listen beyond the surface, when you are aware of everything, you're being
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hyper aware. You understand your partner's playbook in a way that changes the whole game.
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Now, guess what? Drake May is playing on the right team, the New England Patriots. You got Sam
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Darnell playing on the right team. Seattle Seahawks. They each have their own playbook. But now,
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because they're on the right team, things are starting to drive a little bit. It's like, oh, okay.
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It's very interesting how even a look can change everything. What looks are you being given
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by your partner? Are they looks have discussed? Or are they all googly eyes for you? Seriously,
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listen deeply. See beyond the surface. And then, filing number three, celebrate the micro moments,
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the little, little itty bitty things. When it isn't just about the big touchdowns, I mean, yes,
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it's awesome. And I have no idea who's going to win. Do you know who's going to win? I don't know.
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It's going to be I mean, I just want a good game. I really don't necessarily have a favorite team
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in this regard. But I want a good game. And I want people to play at their best. Honestly,
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sometimes I wish both teams could win if they really played well. But it doesn't happen that
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way, right? So let's have a good game. Let's play fair, right? And let's make it not just about
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always a big touchdowns. It might be the subtle movements, that little past that gained two yards
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that eventually led to a 35 yard pass with a touchdown. Find and celebrate those small wins,
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that thoughtful gesture, a shared meal, or even a simple I'm thinking of you text. It could just
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be emojis. Whatever that you think is right between you and your spouse, these are precious times.
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And I get it. We're all busy. I get it that we're tired. I get it that laundry still has to be
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done. I get it. You got the dinner dishes and dogs. I got all of that. But if you keep living in
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those excuses, is your marriage ever going to get any better? No. Because you're caught in the macro
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moments. You're trying to make everything fit into these huge, amazing touchdowns in life.
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The Super Bowl of your life, the game of life for you, isn't about always the big touchdowns.
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It's the little things, the micro moments. Stuff that happens on the sidelines that no one else sees,
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but you. And these moments build momentum. And guess what? The reminders that you're on the same
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team. How important is that? I mean, if you have an all-out fight, a heated, heated discussion
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where I mean, you're raising the roof a little few times, right? Maybe it's not a good idea
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for you to talk about something with finances right after that, right? Think about what can I do
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to put out the fire, not fuel the fire. There's a big difference. I mean, imaginative more marriages
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in our world approach their partnership like a team sport. With clear roles, mutual respect,
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that means yeah, it takes two, right? It can't be just everything about the woman taking care of
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the man. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Man, you got to step it up too. It takes two. God created
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women to be strong. Don't you forget that. And men, you got to be strong too. It takes two.
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And then you also have to have a shared mission, right? Go back to the football. Go back to the
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Super Bowl. Each team has got clear roles. They have clear positions. They have mutual respect for
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each other as they're playing on the same team. And what's their shared mission to win the Super Bowl?
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What's your shared mission as a couple? Is it to, you know, be married for 75 years,
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celebrate your 80th year together? I mean, I would love to think so. I would love to think that so
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as long as my husband and I are alive work together forever. And I look forward to dancing slow,
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even if I can only move a half a, you know, centimeter or whatever. I'm okay with that.
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What is it for you? What makes you smile from the inside out? And if we could imagine our marriage
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like a team sport, families would be less chaotic. There'd be less chaos and more cohesiveness
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because everyone is aligned and playing together. It's not about WiIFM, right? What's in it for me?
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It's me becoming we. It's we are showing up together. We're figuring out this together because
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we are on the same team. Remember, it takes one to start but two to finish. So step onto that
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field. The field within your own home, right? Take the snap and recommit to playing this game
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of marriage side by side because I'm here to tell you your best season yet awaits. Go in peace.
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Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other
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side. Blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious
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blessed day and enjoy the Super Bowl. Be the best team win. Bye.