Episode 3966, build an unbeatable marriage.

Moms, it's time to rediscover, rejuvenate and renew who you are in mind, body, and spirit.

Welcome to Create Your Now, Your Best Selfie, the show that help you do just that.

Here's your host, certified life coach, personal trainer, and nutritionist, Christian Wargo.

Happy every day, it's the weekend!

You got the Olympics. Did you watch the opening ceremony? Oh my goodness, it was

absolutely gorgeous. Best rising at times, and maybe you kind of questioned a few things

as to what was going on, but regardless, guess what, it's all about marriage.

Are you ready to blend your life together better? Oh yes, super bowl, marriage, come on,

build an unbeatable marriage. For those of you who are brand new to Create Your Now,

welcome to this incredible family. I'm so delighted to be present. If you already

have the opportunity, you want to head on over to CreatureNow.com, where you can learn more

and sign up for the Kissed Newsletter. To keep it simple strategy, everyday solutions,

to live, love, and impact, with this episode as brought to you by AIM, Inspiring Connection,

and Community. All right, so I just have to say, the quickest way to your husband's heart,

this is tummy. So if you're going to be watching any of the games, if you're going to be watching

any of the Winter Olympics, by all means, make sure you have snack food, make sure you have

his favorite drink. I'm just saying, let's make this easy, right? We can just say the end,

see you later, have a great weekend. But it's more, right, to building a marriage than just food.

But let me tell you, it goes a long way. I know, I have a fabulous husband, but he says he has a

fabulous wife because she knows how to cook for him. And when he travels or when I travel,

it's like, can't hunt. Could you get back soon? Because I really want some good food. He doesn't

like eating out all the time. And neither do I actually. But anyway, that's a total side bar.

What are you doing this weekend? Are you enjoying family time? A couple days ago, man,

it was just absolutely cold. And then we got into this bright, sun shining weather in the low

fifties up into the sixties. And I thought, there's no way this is really happening. And then guess

what? The hailing winds came in. I'm like, seriously, but we're supposed to still be a little bit warmer.

We are getting below freezing over the next two days, but they're much supposed to be about

50. So what is your weather looking like? And are you looking at your weather also in terms of

maybe your marriage? Is your weather, you know, and marriage kind of the same ice cold? Or are you

super hot? That's all I got to say. I mean, because really, we've got to understand that marriage

isn't a solo journey, right? It's a coordinated team effort that wins and loses together.

That's what it is. And whether you're like a quarterback reading his receiver's movements

or maybe you're a pair of dancers, right, skating along the ice in perfect harmony,

successful marriages require sharp communication, unwavering trust, and an instinctive understanding

of each other's needs. When both partners learn to anticipate, adapt, and align, that's what

moves them closer to their shared goals. They can then build an unbeatable marriage on

and off the field. That means in the privacy of your own four walls or the stuff outside of it,

right? And I know sometimes life gets tough and you're like, come on, Christy. And you know,

this kind of partnership doesn't happen by accident. You're correct. You're spot on.

But people are like, well, why can't it? Because I really don't want to have to work that hard.

But that's what I'm here to remind you. It takes practice. It takes commitment. It takes a

game plan that both partners buy into. Right? I mean, look at the Super Bowl. What's happening?

Right? You got the CLC hawks and you've got the New England Patriots. If they were both

operating on different playbooks, right? If you had the CLC hawks, it said, okay, Sam Darnell had

his own playbook. And then you have the defensive line, have their own. And then the offensive line

had their own playbook. You had three different playbooks. We'll just leave out special teams.

What would happen more than total chaos? In fact, they probably all would run off the field and be like,

I don't know who's going where I'm done with this. I quit. And they would look for another team.

And you wonder why there's the big guests and the big D, right? The big separation, the big

divorce. Too often couples play on different teams or worse, they just sit out the game altogether

because facing reality feels harder than staying on the sidelines. It's hard. But let me remind you,

settling for not broken enough means settling for far less than the Super Bowl caliber marriage

deserves, that your marriage deserves. So how do you get back in the game and play on the same

team again? And that really comes to the question, are you playing on the same team? Maybe

you're not. Maybe you are. What does it look like on a scale of one to 10? If you're playing on

the same team, or if you're not playing on the same team, how close are you on the same team?

Are you at a zero? Like, no, we're a close Christian or a man. We are almost at a 7.67.

Right? You're going to kind of terminate like they would on ice skating. Sorry, I was watching

the team events prior to recording. And I'm just mesmerized. I can't wait to see the guys do

theirs, the single men, when they do their individuals. But it's the team one where they're all

skating to get the team trophy. Okay, they haven't gone to the individual jet anyway, just to clarify.

So how do you play on that same team? How do you get closer to each other? Well, I want to

remind you also that it's charged with one person willing to make the first move. Right? If you have

pairs ice skaters, one can start out there. And so can the other one, right? But then they have to

figure out, oh, wait, we got to come together then. So you got to be willing to make the first move.

And then hopefully your spouse will be willing to make the first move too. And since marriage is a

team sport, it takes both players across the finish line. But the kickoff, it begins with you.

Right? So you're standing there in the middle of the field. You're super bowl of life.

You're going to have the marriage that you want that you've always dreamt of from since you were

however old you were. And maybe life has gotten in the way a little bit. Maybe there's just been

some crazy things. I get it. But you can recommit and win together. That is your kiss to keep

it simple strategy. Recomit and win together. It's not about doing stuff by yourself. Because if you

do, it's going to lead you down that horrible rabbit hole of which I don't think you really want.

I know God doesn't want it for us now. Understand this. I do believe sometimes two people should have

never married. There are those reasons. Okay? And I'm not here to judge if you have been divorced.

I'm not here to judge if you're thinking about it or separation, whatever it is. You need to do

it's right for you where you're safe. Okay? That is your personal decision. But I will tell you that

if you want to stay married and you want to have an incredible marriage, you've got to recommit and

win together. It just can't be about me, me, me, me, me, W-I-I-F-M, right? What's in it for me?

That works when you're single and solo, but you're not doing this in marriage. It's when me

becomes we. So what does it look like in real life to recommit and win together? Number one,

spend meaningful time together. What a concept, right? But oddly enough, you can go out there,

go to chat GPT, go to Google and whatever. And we've got now marriages that they don't even know

each other because they're not even together. We've got two people working on their careers.

Okay? Great. There's nothing wrong with that. But you got to be willing to come together and

spend time together or you're not going to be together. Do you see what I'm saying? Like it's

kind of common sense here. And a lot of people wonder how they end up in mediation

before, as they're trying to go through, you know, the separation or divorce, all that stuff,

right? And they're like, how do I even get here? Like, I never thought I would get here.

Well, did you even spend time together? Like, were you even close to being on the same page?

So put those distractions on pause and carve out 30 minutes this weekend. And I would aim that

you do at least 30 minutes to an hour every single week for a focused conversation about what

matters most. Share your priorities, your feelings, your goals. This isn't just small talk.

It's game strategy. You guys have got to be on the same page because if you guys aren't on the same

page, well, might as well turn to the playbook now because the playbook's not working, right?

It can't be in the same game if you're not on the same team. You're not going to win. I mean,

it's like saying, okay, Sam Darnell, all of a sudden it's going to be the quarterback for the

New England Patriots. I know scratch your head, kind of crazy, that thought or idea. But Drake may,

if he moved over to the Seattle Seahawks, and all of a sudden they were wearing different colors,

trying to use the playbooks they figured out on their preparation to the Super Bowl,

and now they're like, everybody's confused. But isn't that how we show up in marriage?

That we come with two different playbooks thinking, I've got mine down patent. We just need mine.

We don't need chores. It's all right. Just put it away, babe. No, that's not it.

You've got to be willing to come together, right? So you've got to spend time together,

meaningful time together. You've got to dream together. You've got to set goals together.

Not everything has to be the same. I mean, you two could have totally different careers.

That's fabulous. But get on the same page with your children. Get on the same page with

what you want to do when you retire. What does that look like? Start dreaming that. Maybe you

haven't even bought your first house. Maybe you start dreaming about that. What is it? What can you do

together? And also, what can you do individually? Your partner needs to know your personal priorities.

What are you doing in your career? What are you doing with your walk with your Heavenly Father?

What does that look like? What are you questioning? What feelings have been stirring up for you

this week? Maybe it was a hard week or maybe something happened with one of the kiddos at school

and you're just like all over the place and you just don't know where to begin. Again, this isn't

small talk. It's a strategy. It's called communication. 101. It'll get you a long ways in marriage.

Number two, listen deeply. Don't just hear words. Tune into the unspoken. Okay, I'm going to say

that again because you weren't listening. Don't just hear words. Tune into the unspoken. That means

pay attention to the tone. Listen for the pauses. Watch the body language. Look what your partner's

wearing. Pay attention to how things sound around them. So for example, the tone might be,

I cannot believe you. You're just such a... Does that sound very nice? No, it has an edge to it,

doesn't it? Oh, I just love you. That doesn't sound really kind. Right? Pay attention to the tone.

The pauses. That's enough versus... All right, I'm listening. Two big different pauses, two big

different breaths taken. And what about the body language? Are your arms crossed or folded? Wait,

is your partner's arms crossed or folded? Are you talking to them with a wall or two or three

between you? Seriously, I know you think, oh, I never thought about that. Exactly my point.

When you listen beyond the surface, when you are aware of everything, you're being

hyper aware. You understand your partner's playbook in a way that changes the whole game.

Now, guess what? Drake May is playing on the right team, the New England Patriots. You got Sam

Darnell playing on the right team. Seattle Seahawks. They each have their own playbook. But now,

because they're on the right team, things are starting to drive a little bit. It's like, oh, okay.

It's very interesting how even a look can change everything. What looks are you being given

by your partner? Are they looks have discussed? Or are they all googly eyes for you? Seriously,

listen deeply. See beyond the surface. And then, filing number three, celebrate the micro moments,

the little, little itty bitty things. When it isn't just about the big touchdowns, I mean, yes,

it's awesome. And I have no idea who's going to win. Do you know who's going to win? I don't know.

It's going to be I mean, I just want a good game. I really don't necessarily have a favorite team

in this regard. But I want a good game. And I want people to play at their best. Honestly,

sometimes I wish both teams could win if they really played well. But it doesn't happen that

way, right? So let's have a good game. Let's play fair, right? And let's make it not just about

always a big touchdowns. It might be the subtle movements, that little past that gained two yards

that eventually led to a 35 yard pass with a touchdown. Find and celebrate those small wins,

that thoughtful gesture, a shared meal, or even a simple I'm thinking of you text. It could just

be emojis. Whatever that you think is right between you and your spouse, these are precious times.

And I get it. We're all busy. I get it that we're tired. I get it that laundry still has to be

done. I get it. You got the dinner dishes and dogs. I got all of that. But if you keep living in

those excuses, is your marriage ever going to get any better? No. Because you're caught in the macro

moments. You're trying to make everything fit into these huge, amazing touchdowns in life.

The Super Bowl of your life, the game of life for you, isn't about always the big touchdowns.

It's the little things, the micro moments. Stuff that happens on the sidelines that no one else sees,

but you. And these moments build momentum. And guess what? The reminders that you're on the same

team. How important is that? I mean, if you have an all-out fight, a heated, heated discussion

where I mean, you're raising the roof a little few times, right? Maybe it's not a good idea

for you to talk about something with finances right after that, right? Think about what can I do

to put out the fire, not fuel the fire. There's a big difference. I mean, imaginative more marriages

in our world approach their partnership like a team sport. With clear roles, mutual respect,

that means yeah, it takes two, right? It can't be just everything about the woman taking care of

the man. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Man, you got to step it up too. It takes two. God created

women to be strong. Don't you forget that. And men, you got to be strong too. It takes two.

And then you also have to have a shared mission, right? Go back to the football. Go back to the

Super Bowl. Each team has got clear roles. They have clear positions. They have mutual respect for

each other as they're playing on the same team. And what's their shared mission to win the Super Bowl?

What's your shared mission as a couple? Is it to, you know, be married for 75 years,

celebrate your 80th year together? I mean, I would love to think so. I would love to think that so

as long as my husband and I are alive work together forever. And I look forward to dancing slow,

even if I can only move a half a, you know, centimeter or whatever. I'm okay with that.

What is it for you? What makes you smile from the inside out? And if we could imagine our marriage

like a team sport, families would be less chaotic. There'd be less chaos and more cohesiveness

because everyone is aligned and playing together. It's not about WiIFM, right? What's in it for me?

It's me becoming we. It's we are showing up together. We're figuring out this together because

we are on the same team. Remember, it takes one to start but two to finish. So step onto that

field. The field within your own home, right? Take the snap and recommit to playing this game

of marriage side by side because I'm here to tell you your best season yet awaits. Go in peace.

Be present. Be incredible. Be you. I love you so very much. I cannot wait to see you on the other

side. Blessing tags and lots and lots of love. We'll talk to you real soon. Have a glorious

blessed day and enjoy the Super Bowl. Be the best team win. Bye.