438: What to Do With Your Feelings, with Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone*. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic’s weekly Dear Therapist advice column and contributes regularly to The New York Times and many other publications.

Lori has written hundreds of articles related to psychology and culture, many of which have become viral sensations. She is a sought-after expert in media appearing on The Today Show, Good Morning America, and NPR’s “Fresh Air.”

In this conversation, Lori and I explore what to do with our feelings, how make the transition from idiot compassion towards wise compassion, and where a therapist can help. When a therapist is the right resource, Lori teaches us how to gain the most from therapy by stepping into both vulnerability and accountability.

Key Points

• It’s important to make the transition from “idiot compassion” to wise compassion — and to find others who can do that for us.
• Sometimes people say they want to stop the difficult feelings, but you can’t mute some feelings without muting all of them.
• We keep secrets from our therapists — and we keep secrets from ourselves. The more we are able to be vulnerable, the more we are able to help ourselves.
• Insight alone is not valuable without accountability to do better with new insight.
• What matters most in the success of therapy is the relationship with your therapist, more so than any other factor or credentials.

Resources Mentioned

• Maybe You Should Talk to Someone* by Lori Gottlieb
• Dear Therapist in The Atlantic

Related Episodes

• How to Tame Your Inner Critic, with Tara Mohr (episode 232)
• Four Steps to Get Unstuck and Embrace Change, with Susan David (episode 297)
• The Way to Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344)

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