448: Dr. Benjamin Hardy - How To Go From The Gap To The Gain, Choosing Your Who, & Setting Big Goals

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Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist and the author of Willpower Doesn't Work and Personality Isn't Permanent. He also co-authored Who Not How with Dan Sullivan, which sold over 120,000 copies in the first 4 months of publication. Their most recent book is called, The Gap and The Gain. His blogs have been read by over 100 million people and are featured on Harvard Business Review, the New York Times, Forbes, Fortune, CNBC, and many others. For several years, he was the #1 most-read writer on Medium.com.

Notes:

• The broaden and build theory — Dr. Barbara Fredeickson — shows that positive emotions are the starting point of learning, growth, and high performance
• "Competing against someone else puts you in the gap. Your happiness as a person is dependent on what you measure yourself against." More specifically you measure your own gains, rather than worrying about other people.
  • When we measure ourselves against that ideal, we're in "the GAP." However, when we measure ourselves against our previous selves, we're in "the GAIN."
• "This one simple concept is a masterclass on positive psychology, healthy relationships, mental well-being, and high-performance. Everything that psychologists know about how to create a high-functioning and successful person can be achieved using The GAP and the GAIN."
• Who Not How -- Life is about surrounding yourself with the right WHO's. Who are the WHO's in your life to help you achieve what you want?
  • "Surround yourself with people who remind you more of your future than your past. —Dan Sullivan"
• Commitment creates freedom -- Once the decision is made, then you can focus on the work. I like thinking of it that way and in a way it frees your mind when the decision, the commitment has been made.
• "Your behavior doesn't come from your personality. Rather, your personality is shaped by your behavior. When you act a certain way, you then judge yourself based on your actions. Hence, you can quickly alter your identity simply by altering your behavior."
• "The belief that you cannot change leads to a victim mentality. If you are determined by nature to be what you are, then there is nothing you can do about your lot in life. Conversely, the belief that you can change leads you to take responsibility for your life. You may have been born with certain constraints, but you can change those constraints, allowing yourself to improve and grow."
• "Don't join an easy crowd; you won't grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high. —Jim Rohn"
• "You are never pre-qualified to live your dreams. You qualify yourself by doing the work. By committing—even overcommitting—to what you believe you should do."
• "You shape the garden of your mind by planting specific things from your environment, such as the books you read, experiences you have, and people you surround yourself with."
• "True learning is a permanent change in cognition and/or behavior. In other words, learning involves a permanent change in how you see and act in the world. The accumulation of information isn't learning. Lots of people have heads full of information they don't know what to do with. If you want to learn something quickly, you need to immerse yourself in that thing and immediately implement what you're learning."
• "You need to deepen the quality and intimacy of your relationships with other people. Our culture is being shaped to isolate us more and more from each other. Addiction is becoming an epidemic. When you have deep and meaningful relationships, your chances of unhealthy addiction are far less. The following are four principles for overcoming harmful defaults in your environment."