64: Crocodile Tears with Maddy Smith | Jim Norton Can't Save You EP 62

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Jim Norton, can't save you, Jim Norton is a train to wreck, Jim can't help you, solve

your own problems, Jim is an idiot.

There's always that moment when we go live and it's like, what do I say, like, oh, yeah,

me too, me too.

You panic, right?

Yeah, or even when Mike's turned on on a podcast, freaking out, yeah, obviously not selling

myself very well, but I don't either, I don't either, I always undersell and then it turns

out I was right.

People who are confident are very, are you confident, like people who are like confident

and can watch themselves in front of other people, I'm not, I'm working on it, I'm working

on it, I'm trying to like visualize myself and be proud of myself and be into it, but

it's tough.

Are people on you like you should be feel better about yourself?

Yes, yes.

Yeah, and it doesn't help.

My friends with Bonnie, she's like, carry yourself like the celebrity you are, we're

rocking to a room with confidence, I'm like, yeah, well, she can do that.

It's hard to do, but she's married to somebody who carries himself like a star and he's not

a star.

Exactly.

Rich definitely does his visualizations.

I'll take that much.

I'm okay, I get punctured easily, though, so I'll be walking on air and then one text

about, oh, this person actually said they can't do the blah, blah, blah with you and

then they ruined.

Yes, it feels like fake, it feels fake.

If it's so easily shattered, it probably, yes, but what is the difference between fake

confidence and healthy confidence that is brought down by evidence?

I think about it all the time, I'm like the truth is in the proof is in the pudding and

the numbers and all sorts of stuff, but in the numbers, I get really hard with tickets

else too.

Oh, me too.

Like the Monday before weekend, like, yeah, for me, it's existential, like I can't do this

anymore.

Yeah.

I suck too much of a rollercoaster.

No one's fault but mine.

I don't blame my fault.

Yeah, my fault.

I'm out of victim.

And then people, oh, well, it's a tough time of year, it's the club, everyone's doing

man.

No, it's my fault.

Yeah, it's my fault.

Believe me, Shane's doing four shows at the garden.

It's not a tough time of year.

Believe me.

Yeah.

Literally.

It's never the toughest time of year.

Exactly.

Oh, but it is when I'm there.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, there's a thing.

Yeah.

But I do like that about myself that I don't buy into.

Like I appreciate the idea of it, but I like myself that I'm realistic enough to go.

No, it's not what it is.

They just didn't want to come.

They would come or they, you know, if they want to come, it's not because it's a great

time.

I know.

I can be realistic and then like kind of get productive about it.

Any sort of work takes away anxiety.

I guess so.

So if I'm like, oh, fuck.

And then I open a script or some shit I've been working on 10 minutes later, I'm like,

I'm on top of the world.

Yeah.

That's like a reversal for me.

Yeah, but I, it's the idea of doing it though, of making myself do it.

I know.

I know.

I'm lazy.

Me too.

I have a great work ethic, but I'm very lazy.

It's really like I make myself do things I don't want to do, because if I give into being

like the lazy person that I know I am, I'm finished.

Me too.

I would like to be horizontal.

Yeah.

I like to watch TV.

I like to sit on my phone and eat.

Do you zone out for hours, like I zone out for hours looking at Instagram.

Yeah.

It's not even unhealthy.

It's not even rage surfing.

No, yeah.

Literally like Japanese hornets and fucking really interesting stuff about space.

Yeah.

I can't stop.

I can't stop.

Like an idiot, sort of tunnel where it's like, oh this actor and then this and then this

movie.

And then I bump all night.

It could be on Wikipedia all night.

Really.

Yeah.

So you just keep clicking links, you know, I'll go from one...

If I watch it like what happened is I'll hear an Instagram song will come up and it will

be somewhere like bad company or some weird ban I never really paid attention to.

So then I'll go look them up on Wikipedia and I'll see why who are the original members,

how many members?

He's still alive, he's 85.

That's where I got to go down a weird rabbit hole.

Is this a truly a temple, oh yeah.

Yeah.

temple rabbit hole recently cute the Shirley Temple story is dark did you got

get all into it and um yeah like where she was uh with with the guy took

their clothes off the executive when she first went right yeah her and her mother

both yeah yeah she was like six or five young and the guy took his clothes off

the executive took his clothes off and she laughed because she said she'd never

seen a naked man I think that was surely a temple right I think so yeah and I

I would laugh too yeah I laughed the first time I saw a naked man at 25

did you really at 25 years old where were you I think that's the first

dick when I was like 15 and I was shocking in person or on video

image oh okay I think I really didn't see a lot of dicks until I hooked up with

this guy boy is it a guy you liked he was my boyfriend okay time first sort of

you know heavy petting yeah heavy petting and whatnot and what did you think when

you saw it like did it was it what you thought or did it freak you out or did

you like it freaked me out a little bit but also liked it and then the balls

really freaked me out for like a while were you afraid you're gonna hurt them

more so like how are you walking around with that hanging off your body like how do

you not how do we not see it all when you guys are in jeans and stuff like that the anatomy

of it all fascinates me yeah big balls my balls are very average big balls are always

fascinating to me too like how to guys navigate those very uncomfortable how do you sit down

how are you not sitting on a ball at all time how do you run yeah yeah I don't know when they

they go up close to your body in cold weather and they hang low in the summer but in the winter

you know they to keep them warm your body brings the sack up so yes you know nice and tight

yeah this kind of an amazing system what's that tits are the same way really kind of a little lift

when it's cold I know that yeah well you know hard if it's cold and nipples are harder more

perky I guess a hot tit is like pancake better yeah it's rough it's rough and I think balls are

the same way they are sweaty underneath yeah yeah very similar vibes yeah breast is

sweaty underneath I have a sweaty breast you really yeah because I lost weight so I just have

skin bags oh so if a guy is like fondling me it's very wet how much did you lose 80 pounds oh wow

that's amazing yeah thanks how just living in New York yeah and eating normal meals did you do it

through like no unhealthy ways no okay no just stop drinking and then when I stopped drinking that

took like 40 pounds off right and then the last 40 pounds was like exercise waters walking you know

yeah I just started a no-carb diet like a few days ago so I'm exhausted because I'm such a

discreet I see myself on video I know the comments are actually helpful though with like Jimmy

got fat again you're right it checks you doesn't it yeah but there are a hundred percent right right

and my wife is always like you look cute I'm like I look like a fat dog you don't want a cute

no cute means fat fuck yeah and I don't look cute yeah I look fat my doctor it was like you know

when the doctor is telling you like you could go on ozemp again I'm like no no no don't do that

no you'll be on the rest of your life you literally like two weeks of walking yeah more than that

I mean listen so 24 hours in a row of walking yeah concentration camp well I do think low-carb is

like really helpful and not eating before bed actually was what helped me ultimately yeah I'm

stopping at like eight or nine now which is again for me very very early me too but I'm just like

I get into these things was there were you unhappy with how you looked or did you just lose weight

naturally I was a bit I was really unhappy when I was like 200 pounds then I got down to like

160 and then I wasn't never unhappy then I just slid off you're two hundred pounds yeah wow

I don't think I always picture you like this from five seven so it was I was just like chunk I

wasn't like yeah just like large I was regular at this point for America I guess so yeah and

then you're a medium yeah just all I like passively slid off in my 20s very passive were you

overeating were you like a compulsive eater binge eating oh yeah yeah yeah and I lost

out of weight in college in an unhappy way the fingers yeah no I'm not fingered but I was doing

running six miles a day and eating like twelve hundred calories oh you're starving yourself so

basically yeah and over exercising yeah and then you know six months into that your body just

protests right right then I couldn't stop eating for like two years what was your what was your

go-to food Ben and Jerry's oh my god it's like a few pints yeah yeah you know bread cheese like

anything this next yeah the worst is when you're with anybody now you have a relationship yeah my

wife will bring home I don't know how he eats bad that's how she is yes and she can and I can't

and she'll show like you know I'm like I'm on a diet no carbs so you know I'm gonna fix your

snack and she has cheese and crack I'm like she could tell me like it's not of course she's skinny

as fuck yeah yeah um your boyfriend eats badly or just late what is his late I think but he's

working on it and in front of you it's easy to lose weight no he's just one of those guys

I can do it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah do you get resentful I get like annoyed like when she'll

she'll bring home not if she's eating but she'll bring home stuff I'm like you know I can't I'm

asking you to help me I'll get resentful too if I'm on a weed break and he'll smoke you live

together no we don't live together but it's like you know apartment yeah hang out at night brings

a doobie over yeah I'm gonna smoke I'm gonna smoke if you smoke in front of me you know I mean yeah

I'm gonna take a hit it's hard not to right is do you have making go outside no making go outside I might

know I might just tell me apart like I can't handle it is in front of me I'm gonna take a hit we

is a very hard one for me I can I quit so many years ago like I can imagine it would be difficult if

I did it um because you know now you can just walk down the street which I kind of love that

like even though I I can't I can't do it I kind of love that people are able just to go and

buy pot this to or you should be able to yeah I think so yeah accessible and alcohol is

incredibly dangerous in my opinion did you drink you quit everything with drinking yeah yeah two

years oh okay you know I want to double in the summer I had a Guinness usual right kind of

here and there but pretty much two years off and I blacked out at um Todd Berry's birthday party two

years ago did you Todd Berry's birthday party that's when you're like I can't do this I wouldn't

call it the event of the century it turned 60 and it was all you know I was there you were probably

yeah you probably this picture's crazy and I blacked out at you know the party started from

six p.m. everyone's gone I'm black pissing my pants at 10 p.m. yeah oh you woke up the next day

I was like this doesn't fit in my life anymore if you go to a party and you plan to be there I left

my coat on because I was like I'll be there for 45 minutes yeah and you wake up it's you know

can't get started till 4 p.m. the next day yeah you got a problem you like you got to do something

yeah it's hard though when you only drink socially and you black out because no one's going to

say Maddie you have a problem they're gonna say no you're fine because when you black out a lot

you are fine right display really flagrant behavior you're not too crazy yeah you're just like

really fun and drunken yeah I remember that night they did John's pizza or Joe's pizza um Sean

Donnelly I saw he was at the like Mickey work in barfly yep yep yep yep hilarious

and it was a fun event I couldn't believe Todd had so many people turn out and he'll see this

he'll be like how could you not know but I had no idea that Todd had that many friends he's

popular he's very popular and he had like older New York people who were probably running around

the village 30 years ago yeah bohemians yeah bohemians with statement I wear yes yeah absolutely

with women with knitted hats yes yes Todd Todd I'm leaving it's late for me now so I love the

intergenerational relationships we have in comedy yes it's so cute yeah really cute it is weird

the age gaps in that you're right that you hang out with like I don't even think of it but so

many of my friends are a lot older than me and so many are a lot younger than me but it's not

it's funny you know it's funny like I'm really I became really good friends with Bonnie over the

past year yeah it's funny because we'll be talking goofing and then I'm she's like my daughter I'm

like oh my god that's right I forgot I'll be bitching about my mom while forgetting she's a mom

so then she'll take my mom's side oh yeah yeah yeah she's uh I was best man at riches wedding

cute I was best man yeah I was I was out in LA shooting it was for Lucky Louis and then they got

married in Canada so I had to take this shit connecting flight and there were roaches in the

place that I just rented it was a nightmare like their wedding was actually a nice nice getaway

from yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah settle in a little bit oh yeah we should oh

let's let's come off call up 720 820 1337 if you want advice or a comment or whatever you want

whatever you want whatever you want hey all you sad sacks out there who need a laugh great news

I'm coming to a town near you uh April 17 1819 I'm gonna shoot on down to Austin Texas

and perform at the comedy mothership uh no June 26th and 27th I'm gonna be at the den in Chicago

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to May 9th I'm gonna be in Warren Michigan so we got April in Texas may in Warren and then

June in Chicago and then July 24 25 I'm gonna be down to Point Pleasant and then way into December

the 4th and 5th I'm gonna be in freehold new jersey and I have a date so I'm gonna announce gym

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do you have any vices now uh vaping oh you think yeah do you smoke cigarettes no no just got sucked

into this no mostly because you know when I started doing the road I was like vaping sick

do you hate nicotine yeah okay but you know I read the allen car all the books

you know allen car book no no niki talked about on Joe Rogan and blah blah blah it's like that book

that brain washes you into thank you realizing you don't need cigarettes or nicotine

there's allen cars easy way to quit smoking easy way to quit cannabis easy way to quit

all sorts of oh it's like it's like it's like a something for dummies it's kind of like addiction

for dummies in a way big bold letters nicotine does not help you nicotine does that what you're feeling

is not high it's a poison yeah still feels good yeah it does yeah don't tell me a blow job is to

humanizing I love it literally don't the logic I already know it's bad I already know it's bad

I know alcohol's bad it feels fucking good do you know what helped you with quit and smoke you

smoke cigarettes no I said sorry my I quit in 2001 and Colin had relayed to me something he hurt

from this other guy and he goes it's not a part of who you are yes and I remember that really

resonated because you feel like it's you're connected to it I kept thinking this is not a it's a

thing I'm doing but it's not a part of my personality yeah I think that's people have a hard

time quitting yeah because of that your identity is wrapped up in it all right let's go to a

phone call okay awesome maybe somebody wants to quit yeah ask about talking what's up Jim first I

wanted to give you a compliment by saying I'm 24 and you're still so relatable and so authentic

for being from a different time sorry for calling you ancient thank you I called you old but he's

right though I'm still so relevant and you're 500 thank you that is funny yeah that's true I'm

like I'm like an old book you found in the bin and you're like you know what it's still kind of

the same as it is today still holds up yeah don't do you know I know the first time someone told

me that it was in a color it's only bathroom all right well thank you buddy I appreciate

oh my gosh I have a nine five job that I actually don't hate but I do fancy myself a creative

person and I'm really interested in music and I've got a lot of support for my friends and people

at this local studio but from what I find from people like yourself and entertainers especially is

the more you succeed it might not necessarily make life better or more enticing to live

would your advice to someone who isn't in otherwise unemployed artists be to stick with that nine

to five and just kind of go more of a regular route and live a low key life or do you think it's worth

it to chase that dream and that drag and even if it might include more work for possibly even

let's pay in the future I don't think they're mutually exclusive I don't think you have to decide

between do I want to starve or do I want to play guitar like you can work your job and do music

and then see if it's going somewhere then maybe quit your job I know he's acting like he's going to

be nine to five and then Sabrina Carpenter on top of his nine to five yeah it's not one of the other

right you can I would keep working keep your income yeah and if it pulls you then do it and if

there's more work then you'll know there's more work right what kind is it a replaceable job like

what kind of a job is it like are you a specialist in something or is it a job if you think you're

I'm literally a prep cook I get a job so you like your job oh gay people must love you I know

bend over so you like your job you like your job because it's easy like easy you go in you have

friends you make good money and you probably don't have to bring a home with you right yeah good

setup good income yeah I mean listen that's a job people do when they get out of prison too so

yeah I'm a shorter cook and fucking look you can you can replace that job so work for a little while

make your money do your music and if it takes you somewhere I always encourage people to follow

the dream as long as you don't have three kids that are gonna starve while you're doing one

open mic every two weeks yeah be realistic but I never don't try the dream unless it's gonna destroy

everything you have agreed and it could end up like you could end up as the prep cook for your

whole life but you're still doing side music stuff right it won't be explosive but you'll still

be fulfilled creatively in your free time and you'll know you tried it exactly you're not gonna

you're not gonna know if you're calling us that's a good point I'll say that much yeah we have

nothing for you sir no I would say try it because if you fail at least you go I wow I flop doing

that but you'll never go like why didn't I try that's the worst and if there is more work it means

it's working yeah you're doing something the right yeah so I would yeah I would say rock it yeah

pursuit any creative thing you should do anyone should be creative so absolutely noted thanks

for letting you guys all right take care yeah it is weird what was your last day job did you have them

yeah right before I got on wild and out which is that MTV show yes I was working in a finance

how long will you want wild out I was on 2019 to till it stopped filming so when did it stop

2023 and I've seen episodes of that it's like you guys were just trash each other's that kind of what

it was yeah it's kind of like uh you know like black black roasting yeah yeah yeah I'm like the white

girl yeah they're like I don't they say I don't season my food and so yeah yeah yeah who gave you

the worst beating like what was the work like we've all taken beatings and we're shit talking yeah

well who gave you the worst one um probably you know DC young fly you know DC young flies on the show

he's like the funniest on the show and he's really physical and he's like Jim Carrey black Jim

Carrey he can do anything and he just stand up yeah and he's on that 85 South show so it's like

he's huge and yeah he said that I was built like the last drop of toothpaste out of a tube

and he's just murdering he's just funny as fuck and I'm just trying to be like say like roast

battle jokes that are like punny yeah it happens you suck yeah it was so funny it made the air but

he's he was so funny that he just no matter what he said it was gonna be but you guys were all

friends by that point yeah so it's almost like you're just getting attacked by your friends yeah isn't

it fun it's fun but black black people for roasting it's different there's no no no none of that like

I'm sorry I said yeah no can we talk about this yeah they're like you were voting you were voting

but they're not as black people aren't as like there's certain jokes black crowds like like they don't

like out jokes and they don't like necessarily a really nasty religious jokes right like really

cutting they don't love they like more goofy yeah like if you say like oh your boots look like

sweet potatoes that all the whole crowd's like nah they do do yeah they do do but if you say oh you

have more young inside you then blah blah blah blah blah blah yeah well you're uncle died of

heroin yeah lose Jay Gomez I mean it's the first thing people go for is exactly parents I know

there's not a lot it's more playful yeah goofy um who's next on the telephone I think we helped

that person by the way I think we have that person and comedians know there's a window for when

you quit your job that's right and then you find it hi this is John old from keep got how are you

Donald John old I know you did say John Donald drum spelled John what I did John old okay

it rhymes with Donald but it's John oh okay I was hoping it wasn't anyways well for I got a couple

questions first question is what's got you laughing today I was the second question love that

this call second question yeah so have you seen the Frankenstein movie on Netflix and I believe

yes yes did he remind you of someone his voice yes you have you heard this before

are you talking about he sounded like Edgar he sounds exactly like yeah I know I somebody told

me that they're like you ruin the Frankenstein movie because he sounds like Edgar it's a dumb

character and I watched it that's I like it here that's great I love it I just wanted to get

that good firm thank you John old very much so I just wanted because the world is incomplete

shambles right now we need a chip or reprise more than ever so I don't know I've heard you

mentioned it a couple times but I'm just thinking we could really really use chip more than ever

right now I've thought of redoing it I just like after a while like there was no money in it it

was fun to do but booking guests was annoying and people would just annoy me like every guest they

would complain about I was like I was shut the fuck up but yeah I kind of missed doing it like I

knew I would redo it someday when I when I missed it like I do kind of miss doing it so maybe I

will yeah that's it's definitely on the table good that's great to hear we all miss it too more

than you ever know and I mean I think the patreon would probably bring if you drop out the patreon

it's I feel like that would make more he's giving you advice more beneficial financially I appreciate

I appreciate I appreciate I appreciate the John old but you're right the patreon would be but

that's pressure it's it's a pressure that you have to do stuff and you have to do a video you have

to do I did by the way if you like Edgar I didn't end your video that I never released I was so fat

it was I was Edgar flying around in in VR looking for his brother Eugene it's a real

bomb of the video I will put it out it stinks all right thank you buddy I will do please do we

know thanks so much and I appreciate taking my call thank you well and so you were in finance what did

you do in finance just administrative coordinator you know just what is that book and ship for people

and send and stuff send and stuff to clients what kind of clients like big financial I worked

at like an asset management firm so they would have meetings with Morgan Stanley Raymond James

and stuff like that I've sent them golf balls good like that they weren't Morgan Stanley they were

like what what did they do I was at Newburger Berman which is some investment firm that rose out

of the ashes of layman brothers yeah yeah so what do you do when you like did you want to do stand

up and you're like I'm gonna do finance first or did you have no idea you're gonna be a comic I always

knew I was funny always knew I was funny I always knew I was funny yep yep yeah they getting

up time people told me I should I said I don't know we'll see and then I lived I'm from Buffalo lived

in Rochester and when I moved to New York City I was like okay I'm finally in the center of

comedy arts blah blah blah and I can do it anonymously so I can try comedy and no one will know

because it's such a big city you can go that stand up New York and if you fucking suck I won't tell

anyone yeah no one's gonna know yeah cuz I have this fear of failure so I started in New York

20 2016 yep you're only doing it almost I guess almost 10 years yeah just 10 years yeah always in

New York yes what is your what is your podcast it's called madhouse it's just a podcast oh just

talking yeah to hang in the shit making fun of guests there's so there's so many podcasts I know

there's too many it pisses me off and then every week I'm like who am I what am I what am I adding

to the podcast zeitgeist I feel like I'm 10 removing from it I'm never gonna get an Emmy no for my

podcast let's face it guys some mornings you wake up full of regret whether it's because you're so

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code norton for that extra 10% off and I sleep on this thing and it really is a cool and comfortable

bed upgrade your sleep with ghost bed the makers of the coolest beds in the world some exclusions

apply seaside for details ghost bed thanks again everyone wants to do podcasts and there are

but I'm so stupid because I was there at the beginning like I remember the beginning of the

podcast oh my god like for the oh and a we had a production studio and Marin would come in

sometimes and taped uh WTF in our production studio like it was just guys were looking for studios

guys we fought guys we fought was one of the OG that's right yeah and uh didn't they go behind

a paywall I mean I know that I can estimate they went to luminary so I think yeah paywall I think

it was like you know exclusive episodes and blah blah blah I'm fascinated with the story of

Sophia Franklin and um what's what's her name Alex Cooper Alex Cooper yep yep yeah like

because they were so successful together and again I'm this I might be butchering the story

this is what I know but then Sophia Franklin that they have financial they're gonna they're

negotiating they split yeah because she took advice from a boyfriend apparently the suit guys

what they called him yes and then Alex within a year gets like 60 million like a million

one of her deals was like a hundred million or something yes from my ex company serious yeah yes

it yeah exactly make and bank and Sophia is doing she still podcast here the podcast called

Sophia with an F okay yeah John old with a J yeah and is she like is she doing well I don't know

either one of them so I have no no reason for asking other than it was an interesting story it's an

interesting story I would say she's doing well probably compared to the regular person but

compared to Alex no yeah that's kind of hard yeah Alex has hundreds of millions it's crazy and Sophia

probably a couple hundred K saved up maybe yeah when you pass on something in 300 millions of dollars

yeah you guys think of the live streaming I think that's gonna possibly replace podcast of

live streaming really well it's it's hurt rap rap music lost a lot of artists becoming live streamers

really do you mean live stream like on Twitch or you do like you see these little kids who just

live stream like speed like I show speed like he's the new model of success wait wait where do they

live stream look at me look I'm fucking what am I doing almost 58 where what what game should I play

what are they should we get a hook up to stream they do like YouTube and and and

Twitch and Twitch is a few of them yeah could you do it just well on YouTube and Instagram yes no

I mean I don't know that business but I know most people are who are under 30 are trying to become

that right okay right yeah I wouldn't mind live streaming because I'm comfortable talking live like

I mean I did that I'm a day schedule events and go out in the world it's like you're in the world

being streamed like one of them showed up at the stand a few months ago I show speed was at the

stand okay he came in did a back flip went on stage and then all the comics there were like 40

million people were watching me no they weren't they're watching him and they weren't it was 40k

stupid oh there's also a lot of streamer who ran in the stand from a that girl crack head

Barney yeah who's that these other there's so many new characters just characters yeah are they

all streamers yeah just internet people everything's become the Truman show where you're like you are

the product yeah they find any sort of way to put themselves out there but a lot of it is really

like there was that one guy who went to jail for like spraying bug spray on food in Walmart or whatever

he was one of these guys like people are doing anything to get it really is batshit crazy I

forget his name he got arrested he sprayed it on like vegetables mm-hmm and then there's that

one guy who the something Johnny who got arrested I think in was it South Korea oh what for the

suicide Somali Johnny no no no that was yeah no Somali I think Somali Johnny was his name and he

was like bothering people in Korea got it yeah Kai said I remember that what I was going to

the cell of that night and there was a riot union square because he was supposed to be giving out

but Xbox Xbox yeah but it didn't seem like a violent riot it was just a lot of people running

around yeah there's like fights no they just follow him around they follow him around it's weird

it's a little too parasocial for me what's parasocial when the audience like knows everything about

you oh yeah yeah then they'll get mad at you first off you know yeah you give too much then they

then they get too much yeah but that was like radio they they know you they they're so used to

your life they feel like they know you and I invest in you and they get very angry at you yes

they're very hateful I know do you have a nice audience you already it's nice are they judgmental

and shittys but they're nice that but they're also it was weird because I built this base off of

wild and out and they really like quick jokes quick clips yeah and then sometimes I'll post stand up

and they're like she's not funny anymore oh and it's like fuck off yeah wild and out is your

baseline for humor you're you suck unfollow me but they just want you for that like they just want this

and then yeah or I had like a joke that's like I'm not I'm so not gay I hooked up with a girl and

I went from a liberal to a Republican so you know if you have like a joke about repot now they're all

oh fuck who fuck you fuck you shut up shut up that's a joke someone could have made 20 years ago

it's you know the mega of it all I know stuff like that shut off I mean Republicans should realize

of the two parties you are the more sexually uptight like I mean I come on that's not a stretch guys

you know that you're protesting drag at the library exactly yeah yeah you guys were the ones

against gay marriage like yes and some of the creditor yes and it was a silly exactly although

they are less uptight about the language that's what progressives are like what we'll take care of

well about getting punished you people for saying bad things yes I know it's weird yeah it's weird

it's weird hello you're on the phone with Maddie and Jim I don't have a question for you guys

sure besides New York what I know you've traveled for a very long time Jim performing what city in

the United States did you find pretty awesome it was a beautiful city good food cheap hot

escorts stuff like that well um let's be honest I don't care about the pretty or the food

you could have just said cheap escorts and that would also translate into my favorite place right

so we'll be saying Reno yeah um yeah I went to Reno and fucked Frano's x-y-faces in their 90s yes

so how about you Maddie wait where's the city free well you don't know that's a tough one it's tough

it's tough everyone's everywhere shitty yeah it is right I like I like the west coast I like going

to like um Bay area kind of like Santa Cruz vibes like Sunnyvale that rooster tea feathers area

so you know California is fun because it's so different from here yes so I'd say Northern

Northern Cali Portland Seattle Alex Seattle Pacific Northwest I would say LA as far as like

for escorts is concerned that was a bad city for me okay um Florida can be rough but Boston is

my favorite place I really I love people from Boston I love Boston women because they were just

crazy and dirty and fun like I Boston people were nuts so I'd say Boston is my favorite place

overall good food good seafood everything is great yeah where was the most dangerous for

prostitutes we're picking up Russell Brazil I mean we went to Brazil but in the states

I'm not really dangerous I was so much of a I've a get to know you before we do it like I was so

much of a do a lot of groundwork first that most times I didn't do it like I would I would you know

I mean and most times I would just I wouldn't feel if I didn't feel comfortable I wouldn't do it

so I would say it probably in New York but I mean I was always paranoid yeah

I wonder girl stole my glasses I've told that story really yes a trends uh

she's just I don't know she's just transactional a transvestite but I was riding around and they

were just exposing themselves on this we're the meat packing district and all this money came in

and ruined what was a great time come on and I get my meat pack and I drove up I was just looking

I wasn't even talking to them and the one lady asked me a question and I was wearing my glass

at the time so I had an eye infection and she came over and snatched my glasses off and said

for wasting my time oh and I was so blind without them that I'm driving in my fucking Saturn car

and there was a cop pulling out of the other street it's right flash the cop yeah and I was like

that lady took my glasses and I you know and the cop is like went over to the hooker and he goes

give him his glasses back and he goes you know those are dudes and I'm like what I didn't know

oh you know you've never seen worse acting what no way yeah I go wash my hands but that was a

police flashlight she was showing me officer I'm embarrassed I'm mortified thank you officer I

better go home see my girl walk right back toward them sir your house is that way oh so bad

but again that's so New York can be I'm sure dangerous yeah anywhere you anywhere you drive

in circles for a long time can be dangerous yeah exactly but here you know again that's more

of a guy's thing I'm sure that's not your your thing I never picked up an escort so I would have

to do a year of data collecting before I answer his question but good food in the west in the west

coast in my opinion yeah I would say so to Boston of all places I love but I love he's supposed to

hate LA but I love it I love it it's so much fun I love it's sunny yeah walk to get a cup of coffee

morning hike in a cold chilly weather oh it's not for me you know like a little hike I certainly don't

know I understood I don't understand I mean I'm trying to lose weight but not that way right

the time he went for a hike I went for a hike with my manager and I don't know my wife was with me

at the time and his wife we went up to red whatever that thing where's everybody who hikes in

running yeah and we were going over the thing and we saw a 50 cent oh hell yeah coming back and he

was coming over the other way did you say yeah we said hello I mean I've interviewed him I'm not

sure if he recognized me but I've I was in power so he might have yeah yeah he seemed

friendly enough I mean famous people it's like I don't think they're retaining anything I know I

only because of power I'm like maybe you would have yeah but yeah I he's very he's very entertaining

on Instagram yeah it's funny it's fuck although that documentary it wasn't it wasn't helpful for

ditty but it wasn't as bad as I thought like I thought there was going to be a lot more treacherous

things to me too instead of him just looking like an asshole I thought there was going to be way

more stuff and I wonder if they didn't want to say more stuff because there was other celebrities

involved like a like Justin Bieber and stuff like that they really only talked about stuff they

were allowed to talk about I felt like yeah and again the Cassie stuff was pretty prominent

but I feel like he did way more yeah maybe I was just expecting you know people like how could

you expect worse than that there's a lot worse things like that yeah yeah agreed um that just made

him look like a dick yeah like he didn't really care about Biggie's family yeah like a fan home

yeah yeah asshole to work with yeah a couple of people who talked I'm like I don't know if I

believe that guy I don't if I believe that that guy like he tried to maybe did I don't know I don't

know I thought I thought the it was interesting about the stampede show he had in New York back

in the day before he was even like nine people died and he got more famous from it yeah I mean

if I had I would love that to happen to one of my shows I thought there's not enough people to

stampede four people don't die in a stampede they just politely let each other out the door it

just looks like the game pong it's a very slow and gentle exit yeah and they said he said he's

making a uh 50 cents making a uh a documentary about LeBron is that bullshit it's a rumor on

it okay uh it's LeBron I don't I've never heard anything about him I've just heard open

marriage rumors uh he would ale LeBron stop acting like you innocent you next and it ain't about

basketball champ I've never heard a negative thing about LeBron in that way other than the fact

that he's a little he could be a little short with fans it right yeah I've never heard anything

negative about him but I also assume anyone who's a list famous and a man is a list yeah I mean

that's probably a fair assumption you know yeah I mean I paid for it because I'm delist yeah exactly

and it's very respectable yeah I look I think it's the fairest exchange thank you very kindly

here you go yep and um you know don't don't overdo it and fake it just don't frown

or do if I want that yes or if I do yes if I want to have that that's for the cuck scenarios yeah

yes we can go call hello what's up baby it's brezky and I'm here to tell you that spinquist.com is

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I would like to thank you for taking me in the balls with my imposter syndrome

why did you call the couple weeks ago okay uh because I was having trouble writing the Greg

Draldo book okay and you and you helped me on your calls like trying to motivate me a little bit

and I got ten of the final pages on oh very good great I'm glad to hear that good it's great

yes I hope it's a positive look about Greg oh it is an absolute positive look a short short

he kind of he called me just to jump in real quick he kind of gets overshadowed like

because Patrice was such a larger than life figure and Greg was party and very heavy so people

weren't as shocked when Greg died because he was drinking doing drugs there was real apps you know

nothing you expected it but you always when someone's living that life yeah you're never too shocked

like what a musician and Patrice just you know one day just fucking a stroke but I think that

Greg sometimes gets overlooked uh what a great comic he was and what a I mean everyone knows what

a brilliant roastery was but he was a fucking phenomenal stand fire comedian yeah great great comics

yeah I'm glad you wrote a book on a man I'm looking forward to reading that yes absolutely I was

wondering if it's okay if I include you in one of the pages well yeah I would hope so I mean

I did not proud with them one one page one page it's it's it's it's 13 pages long oh I'll take

it's it's on the yeah it's on the list it's on the list of people who should have died instead of

Greg honorable mentions it's Jim Norton unfortunately it's gross yeah we both should have dropped

that and Patrice and Greg should be here to regale us with their opinions well I'm glad you

wrote a 14 page book I'm glad about but I talk about the king of motivation that's great I

would call that a pamphlet yeah exactly I motivated you to do a pamphlet you post it on the

fucking shop right boy yeah literally all right well good luck with it I hope it sells are you

selling under you putting that for free I'll see where it gets when we get there but if anything I

might do it towards the charity that Greg was big on if you wanted to all right very nice what do

you calling it what's the title I call it break a leg from your friend Greg okay break a leg from

your friend Greg where do you break a leg from your friend Greg did you say brick did he say

break a leg a lot I mean I knew man I never heard of say no I used to take theater so you've

heard of the phrase break a leg from being in theater yes he seasoned yeah because some of us don't

know that yeah know that one so that's sort of like insider yeah that really yeah like a lot of

people will be like right over their heads the layman will never get it if you know you know

what about just break a leg oh lord yeah break a leg with your friend Greg all right well look good

luck with it my friend and I'm happy that we helped you somehow and that you were able to move

forward yes thank you Jim thank you thank you thank you be good yeah break a leg is not it is

you're right it's a wordy title just break a leg break a leg yeah we're from your friend Greg

something with Greg in the time but Greg never said that I didn't even know him and I know he didn't say

that I didn't it was not a big break I would have said it to him either I know he was I thought

the guy was still on the phone yeah huh why am I stressed my title yeah hi you're on the

on the phone do you have a great book you're working on you know drop to your knees with Patrice

we'll take a boo hello I stink hello welcome to the show party with Arty what's up buddy

hey how's it going very good what are you asking about where to get more volume what's going on

what is up bro yeah you're on the phone with two live people hey Jimmy how's it going hey I

I'm calling with an update in the question I was on the episode with Rosebud Baker okay I was the

guy who wanted his girlfriend now wife to piss on him oh awesome welcome back and yeah well

though she did a man yeah so it uh well it ended up working out man it was fucking awkward at first

uh but yeah she uh she was happy it well she obliged um but I think she set me up because she was

taking all these fucking vitamins and uh yeah it was just uh it was a fucking stingy piss if I

if I can describe it that way got it vitamins like it was a crazy color yeah yeah really sharp

yet sharp and maybe she didn't have water for a week so yeah yeah yeah like a sludge yeah

UTI included oh yeah you don't think of that when you're when you're when you're when you're

when you're laying under someone yawning so we're no wait where did you take the tinkle

I was in the shower that was non-negotiable oh she said okay I mean look he compromises fair

good starter where on you on the leg or on the on the on the on the chest uh it it it was only

on my leg but um I mean I'm kind of glad it it was just on my leg because Jesus Christ yeah I mean

it felt like I had a fucking cat piss on me yeah it was it you know she had that dehydrated yeah

dehydrated vitamin trucker piss yeah yeah nice hot gold or cheap yeah so I'm not I'm not

basically got branded I'm not really I wouldn't have thought we could do on that it worked you

so now you ask how did you ask her yeah yeah what how did it go down uh well you know I was like

hey uh because she had wanting to get married and I said well you know if we're gonna make this

happen my only uh request and uh I had to really get over that fear because that's I mean it's a

fucking weird thing to ask somebody especially someone you want to be with forever because you

know if she would have been totally put off then like well what the fuck do we do now you're right

right I can't marry you um yeah yeah yeah yeah you're a toilet I don't want to be a white

out yeah she said she had uh she said she had too much respect for me to piss on my face which

kind of defeats the whole purpose of getting pissed on but you know I'm glad she I'm glad

people was able to do it anyway now did it turn her on at all did you did it didn't

didn't believe that like did it scratch that itch yes and no I mean uh I'd be down to do it again

but I think we got to let some time pass so I can she can process

uh the horrible thing she just did yeah yeah yeah well she's a kidney stone or something like that

where she'll really have to do it she'll have to drink a little water yeah all right well congratulations

I'm glad you get married yeah I'm glad it worked out that's huge I have a I have a quick question

Jim uh I have a my best friend of 20 years 25 years uh just got divorced he he found out his wife

was cheating on him okay and it was a it was pretty bad um but now he's just fucking running

a muck and I told them you know what get it all out of your system but uh now he's going way

overboard with it uh you know just with a fucking stranger thing and the other day I showed up

on an ounce to his house to drop some things off and uh he's been dipping in uh dipping his toes

and the other in the other pool if you know what I'm saying try to follow in your footsteps trans

are a man he's um yeah yeah follow follow following my knee steps um yes that's probably

something he always wanted to do yeah he was married and now he's free it's like he's gone on

it's like when you get released as a hostage first thing you probably do is go and just fucking eat

for two months try everything you try everything eat fuck shit everything shower sleep yeah so wait

why how did he catch her cheating I'm always I'm always fascinated by cheating stories how

they kept how they bust her oh man uh fucking stupid so she uh he was already you know they were

kind of distant they were uh fighting a lot and arguing and uh she said she was going to her

friend's house uh and uh her friend lives about two hours away so he forgot his keys at home

and uh she said oh I'm I'll I'll just turn around well it takes two hours to get there she

turned she said she was halfway there and she came back in about 15 minutes she fucked up yeah

so after that yeah so he he uh went through her uh apple wash oh nice and uh I guess messages

don't delete on that fucking thing so he found a plethora of penises and the what and the what

have you you know um great uh and she was telling the guys that she wasn't married that she was

single oh classic yep classy way of lying um so he divorced her huh yeah oh they're in the middle

of that you know that shit's never fucking it's it's ugly you know 11 years and get lawyers involved

know that bullshit all right well now he's got a plethora of penises on his phone exactly

exactly so likely young ladies all right well good luck to him so you know I try to I try to talk

to him about it and uh he he got really defensive and he just doesn't I think he's not really

knowing how to process it either but I'm trying to be supportive but he's just kind of

shutting everybody out you know and it's like dude no one gives a fuck I mean I know you're good

like chill yeah just like keep us in the loop we don't want you to deliver off he's doing drugs

and I don't mean he's doing physical drugs but I mean the dopamine of the escorts and the sex and

all he's like he's he's like just keeping himself dopamine stone to not have to crash and face the

fact yeah that his wife was getting dick pictures on her fucking watch right nobody wants to think

of somebody looking at their Cassio and seeing a picture of a giant dick like uh it's not even white

off a pizza yeah that's like if Dick Tracy in your meeting I would just keep there stay there for

your friend he's gonna wild out but he'll put he'll peter out he's yeah he's not Superman so

eventually he'll get tired of it yeah yeah and uh you know do what I think I'm doing all the time

yeah and then he'll probably have a girlfriend and just don't bring the stuff up in front of her

that's yes don't ruin it yeah glad you're not with hookers anymore yeah what thank you buddy

appreciate that uh have you ever been cheated on or cheated I cheated once you did you do

did once yeah but I ended the relationship a week after and when you how it lonely with the guy

you cheated on three years what drove you to it um someone else like bringing out the mojo in me

oh really realizing fuck I still got it was drinking drinking black eye yeah what was it your

first black eye no okay no so it wasn't like you I'm taking it I'm taking it good girl I respect

that I'm wide open but physically no not for it but but first first cheat and then yeah it's good

cheating with black eye because he doesn't care he doesn't care either he cheated on his person too

he what you mean he wasn't he wasn't judging you morally yeah exactly yeah not to be racist but

they cheat a lot so we didn't have to talk about morals or anything like that ethics of it all

who's paying for gas exactly so no but we're things unsatisfying with the guy you were with yeah

yeah it was great you probably wouldn't know exactly no I was like we're having sex like once a quarter

if that I was like blow him just a good old will you tell him like hey we're not having sex enough

I didn't want oh you didn't want to why not I didn't I was kind of over the guy and I learned

after that relationship like and it when you know it should end yeah don't like keep him around

just because it's comfortable who had larger genitals actually my boyfriend really I had the bigger

oh my god digged in the black eye okay I believe he's got that to hang his head on he got that but

he doesn't you know he didn't use his hips and no romance no spice just kind of shoving his

giant dick in yep exactly exactly and you you told him when you brought I didn't tell him about

that part I didn't tell him I just ended it I didn't tell him about that part oh yeah

I didn't tell about that part so maybe he'll understand now probably hear this and you know yeah

he'll know have you been cheated on not that I know oh no one's ever I had a weird long

distance relationship where afterwards I found out he was shady as fuck so maybe during that

but not like a real relationship we're shocking like going through a phone like

world spinning around yeah so that's good yeah that's something that would give you PTSD I think

and like massive trust issues it would and it's happened to me and I've done it many times but

no one's ever been like oh my like they're disappointed and hurt and they want to dump me

but I don't think I've ever cheated on somebody who's just like I didn't see that coming I don't

never know never and I it's never happened to me those sort of like double lives that people

find out about their boyfriends and girlfriends yeah that's crazy that's crazy would they have two

families or they're like spending all their money on coke or the credit card debt and stuff like

in my ideal world every accident ever had dies when I break up with them yeah so I never have to see

them again don't have to walk in no party oh my god he's here yeah you're in charge of

their legacy yes exactly so but luckily you know the guy who I was with I don't really ever see him

and it's really yeah it's about like the social moves after if you're with a comment yeah how you

think everyone's gonna not talk to him but they still do yes your friends even a still friends with

him and we've seen people get accused of you know oh I don't see him do anything right wait

when he rex's no not my in the world we're in in the world we're in with people

not to not to equal like no but you're saying equalize can overlook anything yes still keep talking

yeah so don't be dumb and think everyone's gonna be like Maddie we didn't we didn't talk to him we don't

didn't talk yeah yes we'll work with them will talk to him we don't care exactly um

are you competitive with him no no that's really good cause I know other couples comedy

couples really sits natural competitiveness I felt that I the guy with now makes good money he

He does his own thing, he does his own projects,

he's entrepreneurial, that's like a turn on for me.

Oh really?

Yeah, comics I've dated who can't catch a break,

can't get spots, while I'm booked out of the ass,

that's pitiful.

Yeah, yeah, you're walking around the house dry.

Yeah, dry.

Literally, digs going in sounds like a squeegee.

So, I would prefer working,

like a working, successful, self-employed,

thriving, that kind of thing.

Yeah, there's something about when somebody is at least

making some headway and working,

because the outside stuff came kill it,

like when you don't respect a person,

it's difficult to be attracted to them.

Agreed, and when I don't respect them,

I end up being mean.

Do you do?

And how does it come out with you being shitty comments?

Yeah, or just picking fights for no reason,

sound treatment for no reason.

Obviously, I'm older now, I don't do as much really anymore,

but it comes out in toxic ways.

Right.

Back in my brain, I know, just end it with this fucking guy.

Yeah, he's a dud, he's not good.

What?

Have you been looking at him while he's sleeping?

Like, is this it?

Yeah.

Have you ever dated anybody who's stand up, you hated?

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep,

mid-20 dated, fucked, and stuff like that, you know?

And you're like,

Duh!

Watching them on stage, like, please don't bomb, please don't bomb.

And who'd bomb?

Did people know you were together?

Sometimes, and I would get embarrassed, yeah.

You'd be embarrassed, do you?

Oh, she's fucking act, fucking no laugh, get her.

I'm saying too much, but yeah, basically,

you don't want to be embarrassed,

you don't want to be embarrassed by your partner.

Right.

Would you pitch them bits or ideas or?

No, not really by the end.

Not really, it was a bit of a COVID relationship too.

So really what happened was COVID started lifting,

I started getting booked while the now it's filming again.

I'm like, oh my god, I'm a new woman.

Yeah.

And he's still at home one spot a month.

Oh.

Was he trying though?

Not as hard as I, thank you, Pimp.

No.

No.

If he was trying, no, no, he wasn't trying.

No, very passive, very passive.

I'm a go-getter, go-getter, and I go to parties.

I'm like, center of the scene.

I'm talking to everyone.

Was he one of those people that was okay

with not getting spots, or did he feel victimized?

But I have no idea who he is.

Both seemed okay and not realizing

of how little spots he had and how little people knew him

and would say things like, next year,

I hope to do a Conan set.

Like, money is smoking.

It was a personal smoking.

1996?

Literally.

What's next, Johnny Carson?

I'm just fucking.

But I find there's a lot of men in comedy,

respectfully, who are kind of like that.

Just still, you'll see them after a year,

you haven't seen them.

They're still trudging along.

I'm putting out a special, much month on YouTube.

What?

What are you talking about?

No one knows you.

Just trudging along, don't seem to realize

you have nothing.

I know that's so mean, but it's like, what is this?

It is true.

I mean, if you, if it's, I guess it doesn't,

I don't notice it, but if you're fucking somebody,

you notice that.

You notice it, yeah.

And it starts to annoy you.

And I probably wouldn't keep going and stand up

if I didn't have momentum.

Right.

Things moving me forward, people telling me,

you are really good.

How did you get wild and out?

I auditioned.

It's really boring.

They posted, they were looking for roast battleers

and rap battleers.

So it was back in the day when I submitted for everything.

So I sent them a video of me roasting.

I think Jacob Williams, because he used to be on

wild and out.

Then they brought me in for auditions at Viacom.

So what do you have to do, roast somebody in person?

Kind of.

That's a lot of pressure.

Yeah, you have to bring in like, or like,

what would they, they'll be like,

what would you do if Kevin Hart's here?

What do you say to him?

And I guess I would say, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

Really?

Then you go back down for like more auditioning

in Atlanta, like on site, and they cut people

while that week is going down.

And were you surprised you made it?

Like as it started to happen, we were like,

holy fuck, I might get this.

Yeah, I was like, I was kind of like,

when I did the first audition,

I had that confidence of like,

if they don't pick me, then they're fucked up

because I fucking crushed it.

Then throughout the week of auditioning,

I was like, I know I just have to keep,

and they were saying to me like, you just keep doing you.

So I kind of knew that you were doing good.

Yeah, that was a good white girl.

I was like, they're a white girl that they found.

Yeah, I had to feel like this is good.

Unless I blow, it's mine to roll.

Unless I blow it, unless I say something crazy.

There's that story of Jeremiah Watkins.

You know, Jeremiah.

I do, yes.

Yeah, auditioned for Wild and Out, and he was doing great.

And then he said some shit to a girl on the show

who's trans.

She does like cross-dressing.

She's like, so she'll dress up in like a,

you know, a skirt and stuff for the show.

Oh, what's your social media?

Wait, you know what it is?

It's, her name is My Boy Candy.

It's your girl candy or something like that.

And Jeremiah said to her in a rap like,

and I'll suck your dick.

And of course, black people are homophobic.

They went, no, fuck away.

That's hilarious, Lionel.

I know, he got cut the next day.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

They're very like, after that, they're like,

don't touch me, girl.

Wow.

Yeah.

Was it homophobic?

They weren't offended at the trans bit, they were.

They know there are more like, why would you say that?

Why would you say that?

And they're pretty homophobic.

They'll be like, there'll be a gay guy on the show

where they'll be the trans girl,

and they won't even joke around with them

because of, I don't even know what I could say to you.

Right.

Versus not being homophobic is just roasting them

as if they're part of the game.

So would they make fun of them being trans again?

They wouldn't even, they would,

they would do a lot of like, I ain't even talking to you.

Move over.

You know, like in the rap battles and stuff like that,

which is worse than saying,

Yeah.

A homophobic roast joke.

Wow.

It's like exclusive, exclusionary.

Yeah.

And they're also afraid of saying the wrong thing,

like in this culture.

Exactly.

You should try and say the wrong thing about somebody,

trans again.

Exactly.

I enjoyed this very much.

And I'm really interested in that show

because I've watched clips of it from the canals, right?

Yeah.

And I'm like, that just seems like a very high pressure environment.

And it also is a pipeline for successful comics.

It is.

Who else has done it?

Pete Davidson was on it.

Mikey Day.

Matt Rife.

Matt Rife was on it before.

Is that where Matt comes from?

Yeah, Mojo sees.

Yes, but when I started, he had already been out.

So I think he was on wild and out then did a bunch more stuff

and then found the TikTok sort of crowdwork

thing.

Oh, OK.

Because when I started on wild and out, they didn't even mention

his name.

Did he?

Then he popped off.

And then they started sharing clips.

Oh, Matt Rife was here in 2012.

Oh, I didn't realize it was around that long.

Yes.

Like, 2012, 2012, 2014.

Is it done now?

I don't know what's going on.

There's been drama with Viacom.

There was a writer strike.

There was a sag strike.

And then you know when stuff like it just gets pushed to the side.

Yeah.

And then the cannon's hosting the mass singer.

And then Viacom's getting bought by Paramount, which is merging

with BavaBah.

And ridiculousness is getting canceled.

Oh.

I just don't think it's a priority.

Ridiculousness.

What's the host's name of that?

Rob Durdett.

Rob Durdett.

Yeah.

He did definitely 30 seasons.

Yes.

He was making like 36 million a year.

Was he really?

Loaded.

Loaded.

Wow.

I didn't realize that show generated that much money.

Yes.

And that's why it pisses me off when places like MTV are like,

the budget is tight.

Yeah.

You're like, Rob Durdett, Nick Cannon, and now Byron Allen,

at Comics Unleashed, are making bank.

But at the time, it's not at least a replaced Taylor

Thomas' show.

Yeah.

Do they do it?

It's on CBS.

Yes.

So I know I saw like an old man that, but I'm kind of wondering

do they pay comics?

I never did Comics Unleashed.

500.

500 bucks on a network show.

500 bucks in LA.

So.

No room.

No.

No.

No.

So I happen to do it while I was already, like I think on the

West Coast.

So I think I flew down.

Did it stay in LA for a couple of days?

How was it?

This is what we do.

It's actually fun.

It was.

But there's not a lot of opportunities for comics these days.

Something like that is going to be fun as fuck.

What do you want for us to do?

Pete Lee.

Okay.

I like Pete Lee.

Tony Roberts.

Yeah.

It's very funny.

And then a guy named Jesus, but not Jesus.

Hey, Susan.

His name was Jesus, I think.

Oh.

There's all old school cats.

You know, Tony Roberts and all.

Yeah.

And Barry, it was fun, but it wasn't.

I can imagine back in the day it would have been fun to be at

the seller and have just done tough crowd during the day.

And like all sorts of opportunities to be on TV.

Well, tough crowd was fun because it was, it wasn't pre,

if you did a pre-planned bit, I mean, you'd be murdered.

Right.

You couldn't.

Right.

If you went in there and go, you know, I just got back from Aspen.

Everyone would go, shut up.

Shut up, you fucking loser.

You didn't steal.

But you were at the seller last week.

Exactly.

You got promised in.

You got in bombing.

Yeah, that was, that's what I loved about the show is it was,

it was, it was truthful.

It wasn't always perfect, but it was truthful in that.

You couldn't do bits.

You had to write jokes for the topics.

Yeah, agreed.

And Colin would call you out.

The host.

Even if you did a joke, but if you felt it was too congratulatory

or too applause, he would call you out and go to tell people

don't clap.

Yep.

But with social media, those shows are kind of social media.

Is that true?

Is that, is that version of, yeah.

I guess so, right?

They don't want the mean stuff anymore.

Is there anything they do?

I don't know.

Or just social media bookings are the new bookings,

the new crowd, or the new tough crowd.

Where they want to know how many people you have.

I really saw like an 80-year-old man.

Not at all.

Like story wars is like the big booking.

Yeah.

It's the big booking now.

Is it?

Yeah.

Like doing those kinds of shows, they're like,

I did huge.

They're like, Dan Soder's pie.

Like that's the tough, tough crowd of today.

Right, right, right.

It's doing those.

Yeah.

It's different.

It's different.

But I would give 10 million bucks to be like a girl comedian

into the 2000s.

Just go on Chelsea lately.

Yeah, it was a fun show.

And then do someone else and red carpet interviews

and then go on chip fashion police and all sorts of shows.

Michael, the book or the tonight show

was the book or for Chelsea.

Oh, really?

I didn't know that.

Yeah, yeah.

That's how I know him.

It was a very fun show.

Chelsea was a great.

The only thing I didn't like about her show was that,

and this wasn't, it was because there was a nice clean glass table

which people on TV were obsessed with.

And she had notes, but you weren't allowed to keep your notes

and I have to have notes, so I fucking,

like when we were talking about specific topics,

that was the only thing I didn't like about it.

I wish I could have kept my notes on the table.

Right, on the table.

Yeah, I mean, that's a big complaint to Chelsea.

Huge.

I will let her know.

Yeah, please.

I will let her know.

And this is how finished I am in the business in case you're curious.

I got a thing, and I don't usually fall for these.

But it was a Facebook message from Chelsea's podcast producer,

saying she wants to have you on.

Oh, yep, I get those.

Yeah.

Humiliating.

Hello, Jim Norton.

I've noticed a lot of your exquisite talents in range.

We would love to have you on the Chelsea handler experience.

Payment submission, $5,000 USD.

And they'll be like, it's an hour long Facebook live event.

Yes.

Give us your Facebook login.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But they were better at this one.

The first one they tried to get me on some,

and the first you look at, you're like, all right,

it's $3,000 for a podcast appearance.

But I have been paid to be on podcast, not for Chelsea's.

But this one was a little believer because the messages

were a little bit more normal,

and they seemed like somebody who knew,

but it just struck me as odd.

So I DMed her on Instagram and I was like, is this real?

And she goes, no, sorry, they're scammer.

People are too.

She said, yes, then she took her kind of the money.

Yeah, yeah.

No, but it was humiliating because she goes, no, it's not.

Oh, my God, thanks.

And then she didn't say, well, I love you to come on.

She just went, no.

No, this is fake.

And no, you're not invited on the one I'm actually doing.

No, I'm scammer.

Sorry.

Sorry.

You should watch the critics' choice of words, though.

Yeah.

I'll be there.

Yeah, it was a real open mic or a fucking old man

who's been drummed out of the business moment.

That's funny.

You know what's happened to me before?

You know how, do you have a Facebook page?

I do.

Do you remember?

I do.

So there's all these fake Maddie Smith Facebook page

because there's no control over.

So there will be a Maddie Smith Facebook page

with my head shot and one follower.

And guys will get caught up talking to these pages.

Oh, yeah.

So I had a guy come to show in Virginia Beach

and he's like lingering around looking at me.

Like, I'm gonna suck his cock.

And then finally, he's like, can I ask you something?

Is this you?

And it's him messaging me and it's me being like, come to my show, baby.

I want to see you so bad.

Oh, damn.

And the guy was ugly as fuck.

I'm like, use your head, bitch.

I fucked him anyway.

Yeah, of course.

I had a respect.

I felt bad.

Yeah, he did.

I felt bad.

He came out to drinks, you know, paid for price.

He was good.

He didn't talk during the show.

He didn't talk.

He didn't talk.

He was really nice.

I get that all the time on Instagram.

So many people have been in full conversations.

ongoing relationship things.

Like, you know, conversational relationships

with people who are not me.

I've had women tell me I've been sending nude photos

to this account.

And I'll send it.

And I'm like, Jim Norton, 016.

Are you an idiot?

Like, how do you, or the email address is weird?

Or that they talk like they're not from America?

How the fuck you have fought for that?

I know.

Hi, nice to meet with you.

Yeah.

I need money from my fans.

For Bitcoin.

Jim, are you good?

Yeah.

But people, I guess, I mean, I'm honored in a way that people

would care enough to talk to me that they're involved for that.

But it's like, it's my, you know, I get my regular.

If it's someone with 40 followers, that's also humiliating.

That they think somebody with 40 followers could be me.

I know.

I agree.

That's how I feel.

Yeah.

Get them out.

Low IQ.

I mean, we didn't think it was you.

But you are kind of a zero.

Right.

You have to pick in 2007.

So it's possible.

It's possible.

It's hard to grow.

It's hard to grow.

Well, Matt, I think you're great.

You too.

And I'm really happy you came on.

Thank you for doing this.

Me too.

It's awesome.

And your podcast is.

Madhouse.

Madhouse.

Madhouse.

And you know, YouTube and etc.

Gastigial.

Gastigial, yeah.

LOL.

Lewis.

Yeah.

And how is he to work for?

I did chip for him.

He was great.

He's good.

You don't see him that much more Ralph.

I guess Ralph walking around.

It's all the Gastigial crew.

I haven't seen Lewis in Skinkfest.

Ralph looks like Frankenberry.

Yeah.

I love Ralph Sutton, but he is a giant ghoul.

Yeah, he's lurched.

He's a ghoul.

And he'll be like, he's going to be like, this girl is in love with me.

I told her to back off.

I'm like Ralph.

Rousekin.

Pussy.

I know he is, I tell you one thing, Ralph is all cock.

I have no doubt that Ralph is a giant guy

and he's all cocked.

Yeah, I think it's a huge cock.

Yeah, I think so, Joe.

And it's like New York's, he's from New York,

so he's like a New York kid.

Yeah.

He's like, I know the owner of juice press.

He's like, I know that.

Yes.

He loves the juice press.

He loves the juice, and he likes making almond milk

at home and sprouts.

He likes being healthy.

Yeah, I love Ralph Sutton.

And a nice guy.

Yeah, nice guy.

He's a giant hog.

Huge.

All right, Maddie, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for calling my show, the episodes over.

It's time to go.

Good luck, stupid, good luck, stupid.

I hope everything works out.

Good luck, stupid, good luck, stupid.

Don't blame me when it doesn't work out.

Good luck, stupid, good luck, stupid.

Don't blame me when it doesn't work out.

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