851. The Visibility Wound: Why Powerful Women Still Play Small

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Own the dream.

Hello and welcome to almost 30 podcasts.

My name is Crystal Williams and I'm excited you're here.

I truly, mentally, deeply believe that.

If you just heard of me out in the background, we have a guest and her name is Fuji and that's

my cat.

So just so you know, we are cat animal friendly here at almost 30.

We love all sentient beings.

If you're new to almost 30, it's not usually me and my cat.

It's usually my best friend and co is Lindsey Simpson doing the show.

We've been doing this for 10 years, which is insane.

We were OGs in the podcast space.

We started on our closet floors.

We talk about spirituality, self development, relationships, aliens.

We've talked about so much over the years and really the show is a place to explore things

with curiosity and play and levity and fun and it's been a place that truly has been

my diary and has seen me grow over the past 10 years, which is so crazy.

I was having this weird moment the other day where I was thinking about how almost 30

is almost like a museum or like a photo book for me of the different chapters in my life.

And oftentimes I'll have people in the audience say like it's been so good to see you grow

and I've loved seeing you grow and change and I'm like, you know, when you're in your

own experience, you don't necessarily clock how you've changed or evolved or grown over

the years.

You're not necessarily, you know, seeing the winds or seeing the lows or seeing all the

evolution that you do.

And I think for a lot of people, including yourselves, I'm sure you're not seeing how

much you change and grow on a yearly basis.

You might be able to clock it at times, but you don't just process it.

But the almost 30 community has seen me change quite a bit over the years and it's been

a space where I've been able to be really honest about my process.

So thank you for being in that.

And what we like to do here at almost 30 is do solo episodes.

I love sitting down with you, having a conversation, us chatting.

And this one I want to talk about visibility.

I want to talk about you being seen and hurt.

And the reason why I want to talk about visibility and you being seen and heard is because

I have over the years working with women deeply through my one-on-one work or at my retreats

or on tour or meeting y'all in person have seen that you guys are so incredible.

You're so dialed.

You're so empathetic.

You're so powerful.

You're so knowledgeable.

And yet so many of y'all have visibility wounds.

And these visibility wounds keep you from showing up in the world and keep you from doing

what your soul came here to do.

You were made to be on stage.

You were made to be someone that teaches other people, that leads other people, that heals

other people, that is a force and a guiding light.

And I know if you listen to almost 30, you are one of the chosen ones, you are one of

the people that is really meant to heal and really meant to lead and to guide.

And I know this because I've seen it over the many years of doing this work, that there

are people that come here with a mission to be seen and to be heard.

For me, what's been so interesting is there's so many layers to visibility.

And I remember in our process of starting almost 30 and starting the show and becoming

more visible and now having a different relationship with it, there was so much healing that

I had to do to be safe and to feel safe, holding in my body and in my nervous system

what visibility meant and what visibility was.

And when I talk about visibility, it's not just talking about social media, it's not

just talking about branding, it's actually about soul visibility.

There's elements of visibility that obviously relate to your work and your purpose and what

you came here to do.

But really, I'm talking about your soul being visible, you being so authentically yourself

that you magnetize the right people, the right opportunities, the right places, the

right relationships and that soul visibility and you being visible to the world and you

being enough in yourself and your experience and you really having the ability to hold

eyes, to hold energy, to hold attention is what soul visibility is.

And there is a part of you that came here to be expressed.

There's a part of your soul that came here to be expressed.

What's so amazing about the creator is that the creator created you for a reason.

The creator created you to experience some beautiful aspect of the world and life.

Whether that's play or joy or depth or devotion, creativity, whatever that is is so unique

to the essence of you.

And that is what you came here to do and your visibility journey is to be seen and heard

and be so soulfully expressed because your soul didn't come here to hide.

It did not come here to hide.

It came here to be experienced through you.

Your soul came to earth.

Your soul would not have come to earth otherwise.

Your soul came to earth to be experienced through you as a human and it is time to stop

hiding.

It is time to stop letting other people get the spotlight, get the stage, get everything

that they want because they're okay being visible.

As someone that's been an empath my whole life and I used to hate the word empath.

I was like, yeah, empath, but now I've just accepted it that I'm highly sensitive.

I'm someone that's very in tune, hyper vigilant would just dissolve into other people's experiences.

I used to get so upset because I felt like all the narcissists and everyone that didn't

deserve the limelight would get the stage.

I would be at events or when I was working in the corporate world, I'd be in meetings

and I'd be like, dude, why is Eric always talking?

Like he doesn't say anything.

He's not adding to this and I'd be so triggered by people that were okay being visible.

I was so triggered by people taking up space.

I was like, why are they taking up space?

They don't even matter.

They're not even in integrity.

They're da-da-da-da.

I would just go on because I felt like they didn't deserve the spotlight.

That's not my place to judge or say if they do or not.

What that was showing me is that I wanted to have my time to shine.

I wanted to have my time in the spotlight.

How do you know that you are ready to step into the spotlight, that you are ready to take

up more space, that you are ready to be more visible?

One, you're probably getting triggered by other people who are taking up space and being

visible.

If that is you right now and you find yourself judging people on Instagram, judging people

that speak on stages, judging people that are going viral, judging people that are

posting all the time, judging your friends because they're doing

the thing, you are probably someone that wants to be seen and wants to be hurt.

Now the difference between everyone else and you is that you are going to take this

knowledge of this trigger and you are going to alchemize it for your learning.

You are going to say, oh girl, that does not feel good to know or hear.

It doesn't feel good to know that you're being triggered and you're judging people and

you're just sitting in your house just like, who does she think she is?

She thinks she knows everything and she doesn't deserve it.

What you're going to do now is you're going to watch that part of you and you're going

to recognize that you want that too.

You want visibility, you want to be seen and you want it to be easy.

So that trigger, you're going to see as information for the truth of your soul and what it came

here to do.

So for me, my triggers, narcissists take up space, narcissists get attention.

That doesn't deserve it, always gets the stage and I was like, seething.

And you know what else I was doing in that?

And what you could potentially be doing there when you're judging other people that are

being seen and being visible is you're also giving yourself an excuse.

Oh, she's seen invisible because she puts all of her life on social media and she shares

everything and she's exploiting this and she's talking about that and she's using

chat GPT or she's doing all this stuff.

Your judgments about other people are giving yourself an excuse to not do the thing.

So for me, when I was like the people that are visible are narcissists, you know, they love

taking up space, they don't even have anything interesting to say.

So I'm telling myself that if I start to take up space, I'm a narcissist.

And if I start to be seen and heard and be visible, I'm doing it for the wrong reasons

that I'm doing it just to take up space and that I have to be a narcissist to succeed.

So it's so important as the second thing, noticing when you're triggered by people taking

up space and then second, looking at what the judgment you have around it because you're

going to have to work on that when you are trying to be more visible.

You're going to have to tell yourself, it is not narcissistic for me to take up space.

It does not mean I'm selfish.

I was talking to a client last night who has the goal next year to become a clear and

confident speaker to become a seen and heard founder of her company.

And she said, you know, but I feel like if I'm talking too much and I'm, you know, telling

people stories that it's selfish and I'm like, y'all, we have to look at the stories

we tell ourselves.

There are parts of us that are frozen in time that are trying to tell us that you taking

up space or you telling a story means you're selfish.

Like no, like you taking up space and being seen and heard is not selfish.

It is not narcissistic.

It is you doing what your soul came here to do.

That is the one thing I really want you guys to get before we go into the archetypes of

the wounds that can cause your visibility wounds is that you are just delaying your destiny.

When I finally really settled in to my body and my nervous system, the truth that I am

so powerful and that doesn't mean that anyone else is less powerful, more powerful, that

I just the truth of my essence is so powerful and that I came here to be seen and heard

and that is just the baseline truth that is the baseline reality.

I can't do anything about that.

There's actually no reality where I'm not powerful and seen and heard.

That's my baseline reality.

I defined my reality as that.

Then I was like, oh, now I just got to figure out how to do that and now I got to figure

out what that looks like for me to be seen and heard and now I got to figure out what

it is that I want to say when I'm being seen and heard.

So if you really want to work on understanding that you are safe to be visible, that you

are here to do big things, you need to define as your reality.

Like literally it is my reality that I'm powerful and I'm meant to be seen and heard.

That's also just a really powerful manifestation tactic to just be like, it is my reality that

I am seen and heard.

That's what we're talking about when we're being delusional.

You are delusional mentioning what is your reality and the only reality you're except.

But it's true.

So many of you are people that are here to do big things.

You're here in service.

You're here to help this planet.

You are a group of souls that came in at a very specific time with a very specific medicine

with very specific gifts that knows very specific things that's been led divinely on your

path that is very guided, that is here to help humanity and your voice and your visibility

is essential in that process.

So when we can heal these wounds, when we can have you feel safe in your body and feel

fully in-sourced, when you're being seen, the better.

When we suppress our voice, when we suppress our expression, when we suppress our truth,

that energy doesn't disappear.

So energy is neither created nor destroyed.

That's one of my original quotes and one of my original learnings, if you guys remember.

And if that energy, it doesn't disappear.

It goes in your chest.

It goes in your heart.

It goes in your throat.

It goes in your belly.

So many people have energy stuck in their body because they're suppressing their truth.

They're suppressing their voice.

They're suppressing their expression for so many reasons.

Energy wounds can often show up as anxiety, as tightness, as stomach aches, as feeling

disconnected from your purpose.

And that sort of feeling can make us feel lost, can make us feel hopeless, can make us

feel like there's no real point.

And so when we heal visibility wounds, we actually heal our physical body, our mental

body, and our emotional body.

And many of us had childhoods where we weren't safe to be visible.

We weren't safe to be seen.

I know for myself, I'll talk a little bit about within our archetypes, kind of the ones

I really resonate with, but visibility to me felt dangerous.

I grew up with a covert narcissist.

And so with a covert narcissist, there's a lot of comparison.

And so it was one of those experiences where I was compared to a lot, you know, like,

oh, you look like this.

I look like this.

You weigh this.

I weigh this.

You know, I had a situation where I had a parent come up to me recently, even.

And they were like, oh, you look so good.

And I look so horrible.

And it's so embarrassing because I feel so embarrassed to go out because I look so bad

and you look so good.

And where someone that's unhealed, maybe like, oh, they're being nice.

It's no, they are comparing themselves to you and appropriately because they're a parent

and you're a child.

They're centering themselves and cutting themselves down and talking negatively about themselves.

All sort of pedestalizing you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable because you

feel like you're doing something wrong.

So I had so often, when I was visible, it was like I was doing something wrong because

I was making other people feel small and I was hurting other people.

But then I also had this encouragement to be visible because it made my parents look

good.

So the more visible I was, my parents could use it to be like, this is good.

We're getting attention because she is getting attention.

But it's also hurting my parents' feelings.

So growing up with covert narcissism and if, whether or narcissism flavor you potentially

grew up with will definitely be giving you visibility wounds.

So I had this experience and you guys might have this too where it's not enough and it's

too much.

So either I'm going in places and I'm way too much, I'm too bright, I'm too shiny, I'm

too sparkly, or I'm not enough.

I am not smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not, you know, accredited enough.

It would be either or like either I'm the best in the room or I'm the worst in the

room.

And I would sort of never find myself in the middle and feel comfortable because the

healthy experience with visibility is to be like, I'm completely comfortable in my experience

being completely seen and I'm completely comfortable with others being seen.

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Just a quick story on that so you can kind of understand what that looks like to be comfortable

with yourself and your light and to be comfortable with others.

So I was at a panel recently at a women's conference and I was on stage with five other

women I think four, I was on stage with four other women.

The other woman was like my inner critic.

So I was on stage with four women.

The one that was interviewing us and then myself, I was on stage with you guys, it was my

parts were there.

I was on stage with three other women, okay.

So I was on stage with the interviewer myself and then two others.

And when you're on a panel, it's very interesting because you're working with other energies.

So oftentimes you're finding out where your place in space is, where you're helpful,

where you're different, where your voice is unique.

So each panel is very unique and different because there's kind of this like calibration

of energy, of experience, of power that happens.

And this is a really prime place for people's comparison, competition, visibility wounds

to come up because you're lit to really being compared to in the audience.

Like the audience is like, I like her, I don't like her, she's good, she's not good.

Like the audience is like, do I like you or not within seconds?

And so it's really like a comparison game.

It's kind of a primal experience that our brains will just see a group of panelists on

stage and be like, I like them, I don't like them, they were good, they were not good.

Like it's very, it's just a part of it.

So when you're doing panels, you really have to be in your own.

So I'm on stage with these really powerful women and, you know, one of them on my right

was just an incredible like, she just had a lot of power and force.

Like she was like, you should not give up, you know, type of thing.

She's like, you should not give up like very like, very in her power, very in her like

clarity, very in her direction.

And then the woman next to me was a really good storyteller.

She was really, really vulnerable and she was a really, really good storyteller.

So I'm in between these women on stage, I think there's a thousand people in the audience

and we're talking in the, you know, the powerful one, woo, you know, you're sitting

next to a powerful woman and you're like, okay, like should I be more powerful, should

I really, because a powerful woman will move the room.

That's what she was doing.

And she's being in her powerful moment and then the storytellers really going to grab

the room and like have them on the journey of the story.

And so I'm in the middle and I'm really kind of, woo, I'm really taken for a second.

That part of me that gets really scared and is like, I'm not enough comes through.

And she's like, oh, I'm not enough, you know, I didn't do a good job storytelling.

I was in powerful enough.

And that part would have been the part of me that's like, I'm not safe with other people

being seen.

I am not safe with these women being more visible than me.

But what happened instead of me leaning into that instead of me giving up instead of

me just like being like, oh, my God, you know, having shadow about it.

Another part of me came forward that was like, what is my authentic code and expression

here with being seen and being hurt?

And so in that moment, I thought to myself, my gifts are humor and authenticity.

So where these women, I'm not saying they don't have that, but they have these specific

codes for them as speakers.

And I have specific codes for me in being visible and seen, which is humor and authenticity.

And my job is to celebrate them in their power and to celebrate myself and my own because

it is unique.

So when you have healed your visibility wounds and you're in your power, even in moments

where it feels a little wobbly, you know, I'm not perfect.

I dropped back into the truth that I am seen and heard because I'm authentically me.

And that means I am authentic and I use humor in my speech.

Now just a little note on that, I'm doing a mastermind for a small group of entrepreneurs

and we're going to be working on stuff like that specifically, like what are your unique

expression codes for you as a speaker and teacher that you can really lean on?

So if you, you know, that's going to be happening in the mastermind.

But being able to hold in that moment, both experiences of like, ooh, this could have

been where I landed.

I'm like, oh my gosh, like it is not safe for me to be around women that are being seen

and then rising to it is completely safe for them to be in their power and for me to

be in my power.

Visibility wounds will bring up so much for you, especially as it relates to other women.

And I think for me, growing up with the covert narcissist, it's been a lot of that, you

know, like how can I work with being safe to be seen with other women when they're not

criticizing me or whether they're not having comparison to me?

What is visibility energetically?

Like what is visibility?

Visibility is your life force energy moving outward.

It is your essence, it is your life force energy moving out of you.

It is this unique expression of something that comes from deep within that we cannot

explain.

That is the perfect culmination of your experiences, your voice, your stories, your lessons, your

friends, your unique texture, your unique voice, like it is creative energy and motion.

It is this really beautiful special thing.

And when you can feel more obsessed with the creative energy and motion, then the reaction

of the audience or the room or the date or the, you know, zoom meeting people.

The more truthful and authentic you'll be in your expression, the more aligned you'll

be to your purpose and the more enjoyable visibility will be.

I did some work with someone that writes Ted Talks and he writes books on Ted Talks

on speaking and because one of my goals in life is just be an incredible, incredible

order.

And he talked about one of the important parts of being a good speaker and this is another

little tip is to be so obsessed with what you have to say more so than what the audience

wants to hear.

And the most powerful speakers are really concerned first with their experience rather than

the audience.

So you are just so enthralled in your story and your experience in what you have to teach

that it actually creates this experience where the audience then becomes so obsessed and

interested and excited.

You guys have probably had experiences where you've been with someone that's an amazing

storyteller and they're sitting there telling you a story about the time they went like

to Taco Bell at 2 a.m. and they only got two burritos instead of three true story one

time when I was in Ohio that happened and you're like oh my god and then what.

And then did you go back to talk about like you're just like what?

And the story is so silly and doesn't matter like people could be that are so enthralled

and that's why narcissists usually have a lot of attention and get a lot of recognition

because they're so enthralled and obsessed that it actually calls forward people to be

enthralled and obsessed too because energetically you're like what's going on here this whatever

this person thinks that seems interesting and oftentimes we are so unconscious with our

thoughts that we will attach and entrain to other people's thoughts.

So this narcissist has a conscious thought of I'm amazing this is interesting to me and

then we'll just be like unconscious and we're like whoa and we'll just be like wow what's

going on over there wow that's interesting and we'll think that that's interesting.

So when you can be in the experience of your visibility feeling safe and feeling okay

and experiencing this creative energy and motion there's really really nothing like it and

every time you silence yourself to keep the peace to stay small to make everyone like you

you stop this energy current you stop yourself and this energy in your body from moving and you

deny yourself the opportunity to not only commune with God and creativity but like to be

seen by people and to be really heard by people and that's the thing about being seen and heard

and having visibility is it's not just you on Instagram creating viral reels it's also you

and your soul being seen by another this work of visibility doesn't just go again with social media

it goes with soulful relationships and you really being dropped into this experience that you have

in this voice that you have within you that needs to come out that deserves to come out so

sometimes this stagnation and this loss of confidence and this inability to speak in the

visibility room can often feel like depression confusion lack of direction you can feel really

stuck in life you can feel unseen in rooms of people visibility and purpose actually requires

energetic circulation between yourself between God and between others and your gifts are

activated through expression visibility wounds are formed early much like many wounds visibility

wounds are formed early in life and many of you have done work on tracking this and sort of

you know understanding this but I think it's really important that we kind of talk about this

because if we want to understand how to heal things we really have to understand where they came

and if you are feeling like you want to be seen you want to be heard you want to be in your

fullest expression in your purpose and you're not and you're uncomfortable and thinking of being

on stage or being seen or being fully heard or being understood or being fully seen in a relationship

you need to heal your visibility wounds visibility wounds come from moments where you realize that being

seen or being more visible wasn't safe so maybe you were dancing in the kitchen and your parents

told you like stop doing that you know go back to your room maybe you were crying and emotional and

you got shunned for it maybe you had a moment where something really good happened to you you got

an award and then someone made fun of you maybe you had a year where you blossomed and you became

really beautiful and everyone started to hate you maybe you were the class clown and you got in

trouble for it maybe you were someone that you know was really popular and then people turned on

you and betrayed you maybe you wanted to be seen and you felt like you never were so you felt

this resentment and this anger because you felt like there was this aspect of you that could not

get out visibility wounds are literally everywhere and usually they come through parents or caregivers

that were emotionally unstable check check or emotionally unavailable they come from being praised

for achievement but not essence so the things that you do not who you are which is for so many of us

true from being criticized corrected or shamed for expression so that could be sexual expression

energetic expression emotional expression like vocal expression there's so many ways that we've

been criticized for it it's crazy being told to be quiet polite agreeable or small this is a lot

of the wound of the feminine a lot of these are feminine wounds if you guys aren't picking up on

when I'm throwing down being told to be quiet polite agreeable or small oftentimes when I work with

my girlies and metamorphosis goodness I'm trying to decide if I want to go down this rabbit hole but

let's just go a little bit down okay a lot of my girls in metamorphosis which is my body

transformation program have visibility wounds because their mom wanted them to be smaller or

more thin and so then they think that they cannot be seen or heard until they're thin or they're

small and so their desire to be thin actually is detrimental to their desire to be visible

if you and your head and you're so conscious minor like I need to be thin I need to be thin I

need to lose weight I need to lose weight what about that is going to be like I should be on stage

in front of people taking up space if your subconscious is littered and fed with messages about

you needing to be thinner or smaller and then in your conscious mind you want to take up more space

that's not going to work it's not going to work you cannot take up space while on the other side

trying to starve yourself energetically you can't take in a lot of energy from other people while

starving yourself energetically a lot of times people have visibility wounds if they are

printified because then you know they had to take on their parents emotions they never really

figured out their own emotions this is the biggest one I think if you were bullied if you were

excluded if you were misunderstood you most likely have visibility wounds I think a lot of

visibility wounds come from childhood I think a lot of them come from high school high school and

seventh and eighth grade eighth grade worst year of my life come at me it dude worst year of my life

that year and then freshman year of college worst years of my life I should look at that

astrological it was happening but just like so painful and we learn so much and our brain is so

impressionable during that time so so many people bullied and have those old wounds that they're

carrying around them that tell them that it's not safe to be visible one of my favorite snacks

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okay can we talk about aging for a second you know I love to talk about this I feel like in your

30s and 40s you start noticing little things sleep isn't as deep or energy isn't as consistent

maybe just some changes in your physical appearance and you're like wait is this just how it goes

right now healthy aging is something I care deeply deeply about I think ever since becoming a parent

I'm like I want to feel as good as possible for as long as possible and I've spent a lot of time

trying to get ahead of it instead of reacting to it that's why I am so excited about C-15 from

fatty-15 it's the first emerging essential fatty acid to be discovered in more than 90 years it

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cellular level this is what I'm interested in let's get to this cellular level of everything when

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use the code almost 30 at checkout you also could have a lot of chaos in your childhood where

then you understood that being invisible means you were safe so if everything was crazy at home

and you're like whoa I don't even know what to do you're like I know hiding or being visible makes me

safe I knew that for me completely exiting my own experience and my own inner world and my own

body was safe so I would hyper attune go in people's minds I would just be fully immersed in

their experience and they're psyche and all that to get safety and to get connection

when this happened when you had these things happen your nervous system made a very simple decision

that said that it is safer to hide parts of myself

this wasn't conscious your nervous system said it is safe for me to hide myself I should hide

myself to be safe and then that decision becomes embodied and wired in our system where we're like okay

now I believe that it is literally unsafe for me from a nervous system perspective to be seen

this is why too when you go on stage when you put a podcast mic in front of your mouth when you

have to give a toast at a wedding when you have to give a speech when you have to say something

hard when you have to present at work your body goes into fight or flight because your body has

literally been trained over time to believe that being seen or heard is dangerous mom's going to

get mad dad's going to get mad someone's going to judge me someone's going to abandon me someone's

going to betray me and we're not even talking about past lifetimes here okay because there is

past lifetime woundage that is unique to all of y'all that has a lot to do with this too a lot of my

clients when we work through their stuff it's lifetime of their visibility wound we're also going

back because there's a lot of lifetimes where visibility was not safe especially if you have

witch wound especially if you're a powerful woman in a past lifetime whoo that is a tough one

and you have to go back a little bit in that to heal but a lot of working with this lifetime can

do a lot of it because the subconscious is sort of like the memory bank of the mind so your nervous

system really is carrying the trauma and the wanting to hide and not be seen and heard into your

relationships your creativity your leadership and your love and it is really really keeping you from

the deepest relationships the most expressed life the most abundant business the most thriving

social media everything you want is on the other side of you healing this invisibility wound I think

because it's like being seen in authenticity and relationships being seen in your purpose being

seen as who you are like it's like that it's like essence visibility authenticity truth like it

just all comes together as one truly so there's a reason my visibility feels charged you know I was

talking to the metamorphosis group this week and some of the girls were talking about how recently

they had a presentation and they're like something happened to my body during that presentation where

I was terrified I was sweating I was overwhelmed I wanted to run it was so scary and that is your

body fighting for survival your body is like this is absolutely not okay this is absolutely not safe

I need to go or something bad's going to happen so visibility does feel charged it's not just a

mind-set thing when we're working with visibility we are working with the body and the nervous system

so much so when I'm working with anyone on this it is a body and nervous system as well so that we

can create safety in your body so that you can be fully seen and hurt so archetypes can be sort of

help helpful for understanding visibility wounds I love doing archetype work with the women that

I work with whether we're talking about queen lover maiden chrome like it's just really nice because

archetypes hit on the collective consciousness you know young talks a lot about archetypes in the

fact that it really is something that sort of can help connect all of us because we have this

collective unconscious that sort of stores things like archetypes in it so when you think about the

archetype of the queen it's easy we all kind of think of the same imagery and then you can kind of

embody that feeling of the queen because we all tune into this shared understanding of of what

the queen is so with visibility I like to work with archetypes because then we can kind of

personify it work with it and heal it personification is great for the brain to heal and work with

things so invisibility isn't safe these archetypes sort of develop in your mind these are protective

identities that your system builds to survive they're not flaws their adaptations much like parts

so we could even see this from a parts perspective you guys know I love internal family systems parts

work this could be even seen from a parts perspective the first one y'all are gonna know this one

this is gonna be you know so many people this is the good girl good girls stand up good girls where

you at I actually don't identify as a good girl I don't think I actually I've actually been more rebel

so I'm not a good girl so love you guys good girls you're my sisters but you are people that

found safety in being quiet people pleasing and agreeable so you learned it is safe for me to

be quiet people pleasing and agreeable visibility for you like I said earlier that client I had

feels selfish okay you think if I'm taking up space I'm being selfish there that is bad of me

because I'm a good girl I let everyone else take up space oh you good girls I tell you what I

think my rebel part is always like good girls I don't mean to judge okay I just like I just don't

know what that would even be like you know what I mean because I'm just like I think they're I'm

just so active where I'm like come on so could be a good girl love you good girls the next one is

the performer this is where I step in the performer needs to be caught this is so crazy the performer

learns to be impressive to be loved so my performer part honey she needs to be the smartest one in

the room the most well-read person in the room she needs to have something interesting and prolific

to say I remember when I'd go to like workshops or retreats or trainings I'd be in women's circles

and I'd be like if I am not dropping the mic okay I am not even gonna speak I need to bring

these women to tears or I'm not gonna talk so I have this part of me that's like unless it's

literally the most insanely impressive thing I'm not even talking and I need to be impressive

to be loved so with my parents I had to be incredibly impressive to be loved visibility y'all oh my

god let me just take a moment for this to honor the exhaustion visibility feels and becomes

exhausting because each time you're out at a place you're like all right performer parts

strap in step forward it's time to be the most impressive interesting person in the room and if

not we're bad we failed so the performer performer feels exhausted and the performer has to be the

most impressive person in the room so you stop yourself from being visible because you're like if

it's not fucking amazing I'm not gonna do it the third one so we have good girl performer the

third one is the caretaker this is can relate I think a lot of you guys are this one the caretaker

learns to focus on others to avoid being seen ooh honey ooh hurts me hurts me deeply hits me hits

me in a real way feel it in my gut feel my palms sweating your needs disappear I used to be so

like malleable I'd be like I don't even know how to body like someone be like oh my god I love

your shirt I'm like who's wearing a shirt but what I'd be like oh my god my body's here so I

would so much of focus on others I had one time a good example as a story to understand the care

taker a friend say she's like I love you and you're so giving and you're so loving and you so

show up for people but you almost give so much that it's almost like there's an arm in front of

you and you don't ever let anyone in or take care of you so you so much focus on everyone else's

needs to be seen this is the nurses this is the teachers this is the healers this is people that

are just codependent really focusing on everyone else's lives to get them out of their purpose I

have had clients like this where I've seen them until working with me completely disregard their

purpose and what they came here to do because they're prioritizing everyone else's needs over their

own their team their partner their perception of their parents needs like this is freaking huge

this caretaker huge one the intellectualizer is the fourth one so the intellectualizer learns to

stay in the mind instead of the body baby whoo they explain instead of express you can see and

understand this this part or this archetype a lot of times when you see people speak there's a lot

and there's an experience that happens when someone becomes magnetic when they're speaking you're

like damn I am on every freaking word of what they're saying because they feel it in their body they're

telling the truth they're in congruent they're aligned you're like oh my god it's magnetic they're

fully embodied in their truth and then there's someone that's like yeah so there's 300 million

studies of this that go up the research ladder and if you really look closely at the longitudinal

studies you're like what you're like a sleeping because they're just in the mind

so they hide themselves from actually being seen because they intellectualize everything and they

don't allow it to move through their body and be their creative force and their essence so the

intellectualizer stays in the mind instead of the body I have one of my clients like this who's

really great at her job because she's learned to be an amazing intellectualizer she knows the data

she knows the research she knows the contracts and she's not in her body at all and so she explains

everything and try instead of expressing it and so we have to get her in touch with her heart

in the truth in her body to move energy naturally instead of just intellectualizing you are being

seen by data but not by the truth okay so I have to share something that has been such a game

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slash almost 30 the code is a 30 POD so the fifth one is the rebel pushes visibility aggressively

to protect vulnerability the strength mask softness so this is the person that's like you know always

being seen at the parties always like speaking in the circles always being seen but like really

isn't sharing anything and isn't actually being vulnerable they can express ideas and concepts

and theories and talk about things but never share about themselves and the rebel really like

doesn't want to be seen for the truth so this can be very triggering for people when you're like

with someone like this because you're like okay you're very seen but I'm not seeing you and for a

lot of people listening to the show you know you guys that are deep feelers and empaths and people

that read energy this is a tough one because you're like you are being so loud and so obnoxious but

yet you're literally hiding the truth of who you are wow do I struggle with this one because I'm

just I'm reading energy I'm reading your mind I'm reading your energy seeing what's up and so if

there is someone that's like this that's like not being truthful but also being loud it's very

hard for me because I'm like that's double trigger you're not saying anything normal or helpful

but yet you're also like hiding the truth and love them it's it's one of the archetypes that we have

their strength and voice and grandiose-ness masks the truth of what they feel and the truth of who

they are so they're being visible but they're not being seen for real the last one is the invisible

one so the invisible one is someone that disappears entirely they feel safest by hiding

completely and not being noticed so they're just like I'm out I don't want to do this I'm hiding

in my room I'm gonna just prop this other person up I'm not gonna even try I'm not gonna even put

my head in the ring no no no no no no no not for me not for me that's them that's them not me

the invisible one and so the invisible one a lot of the work for the invisible one is to find

yourself to attune to yourself to find how you actually feel what you actually want who you

actually are and allow yourself to first be noticed by yourself

noticing and attuning to yourself noticing who am I what do I feel what's going on with me what

is my internal landscape oh okay now I have a form I'm gonna create safety in myself and then

be safe to be seen by others so these archetypes let's summarize these archetypes the good girl the

performer the caretaker the intellectualizer the rebel the invisible one each of these archetypes

really did an amazing job of keeping you safe this is why I love parts work this is why I do it with

my clients is because the archetypes are so helpful for keeping you safe each of them was helpful

for me being a performer so helpful because you guys now my performer part my girl gets breaks

you know when I'm with my friends and my girl performer part you can take a load off we're with

the homies we can chill but performer part when I'm speaking on stage she is it's her time to

shine honey so she's like girl I'm about to be so impressive I'm like okay girl let's be

impressive it's time it is time it is time to shine but I'm not unconsciously having performer part

lead I'm not exhausted because I choose when she is being expressed and visibility is something that

I'm comfortable allowing when she's there so each archetype kept you safe whatever it is

but they will limit your aliveness they will limit your ability to be in your purpose and live your

life so this shows up and these limits of your archetypes these show up and you feeling called to

share but freezing up you overthinking your voice and what you have to say oh my gosh I see this

so much and this was me for so long I'd be like okay well if I say that I'm uncomfortable then

they're going to say well that's your fault and then I'm going to say okay well that doesn't even

matter and then what's the even point a lot of breaking codependency is breaking the conversation

that you have assuming you know what the other person is going to say so overthinking your voice

judging yourself is a huge thing that we let go in this process this also shows up with you

second-guessing your intuition yeah like you not being in your visibility and healing your

visibility wound is also about your intuition your intuition is telling you to say something it's

telling you to go it's telling you to help people it's telling you that you're made for more

and yet this visibility wound is keeping you from listening to the actual truth of your intuition

you crave being seen but you hide at the same time when you have these visibility wounds

yourself and your parts and the truth of you really wants to be seen but you hide at the same time

this is not just about being confident this is not a confidence thing this is about your nervous

system remembering the trauma or the experiences that happened to you previously and pulling

upon that data to keep you safe so an example of you wanting to be seen and hide at the same time I

remember being an experience with a past relationship and they didn't like when I would be really

like sparkly and shiny and get a lot of attention they loved it when we first started dating but not

at the end and I remember being at this event and I was like just crushing my performer part was

crushing everyone was laughing I was making the jokes I mean life was good and then when I leave

I get in trouble he is not pleased with the fact that I've taken up and gotten all the attention

and so my nervous system was like yep can't be sparkly can't be shiny it's not safe so I wanted

to be seen because I love making people laugh and sharing and expressing and just you know creating

conversation and all of that but then my nervous system was taught that it is bad and I needed to

hide because if I did become seen I would lose attachment and I would lose the relationship

so my nervous system learned that I wanted to be seen and hide so my nervous system was like I

really want to be seen because it's my truth and I also need to hide because I need to keep

attachment and so a lot of people within their parents or even relational dynamics have learned

this issue so when we work on healing the visibility wound kind of transitioning to talking about

the healing of this wound visibility healing really is nervous system healing so you don't heal

visibility by forcing confidence by like you know being like it's all good you have to bring

the body and you have to create internal safety so your body has to believe it's safe to exist

out loud one of my favorite practices that I do with my clients what I'm going to be doing

at fully expressed and in the mastermind is to actually practice being fully seen so this is

an exercise that y'all can do sitting in the comfort and safety of your home in your bed wherever

is safe for you having your body feel completely safe what you're going to do is close your

eyes so now that you're comfortable and you feel safe in your body and you feel like okay physically

I know for a fact I'm safe you're going to close your eyes and you're going to visualize yourself

and your most expressed state the dream state of your most express self whether that's on stage in

front of Madison Square Garden at the Oscars whether that's at a boardroom speech whether that's

holding hands with someone that you love telling them you love them whether that's

growing on social media and speaking to camera whatever that is for you that your soul wants to

be seen and heard doing and through the visualization activating your nervous system to respond

because your subconscious mind is connected it's not seeing if it's reality or not it's going to

activate your nervous system so you're going to feel the response that is the truth of your wound so

that's I'm anxious I'm scared I'm sweating my heart is racing I'm overwhelmed your body will

tell you what your nervous system thinks of that and so in the safety of your home you regulate

your nervous system in the experience that you're having in your mind so in the safety of my own home

I'm hand on my body I'm just kind of regulating I'm relaxing into the body I'm deepening the breath

and I'm allowing myself to oscillate in and out of the experience with the activated nervous system

regulating my nervous system so that I finally feel safe in the visualization of my biggest

most visible life your body needs to feel safe in this experience so a few other things that you

can do in this process besides that really powerful exercise that I love to do with my clients

is regulate before you express so before you are in a meeting or something big that you really

want to be seen and heard in put your hand on your chest put your feet on the ground feel your

feet and just allow almost the feeling of a channel opening so you know from the crown of your

head energy moving all the way down your spine through your legs through your feet you can

imagine that channels opening to heaven opening to your spear guides to your angels to the truth

of your essence and who you are I love to connect to God before I get on stage I'll just attune my

channel to God and I'll just say God move through me like nothing but the highest for this

experience like help me move out of the way so that you can move through me so attuning your

channel and regulating that space before you express is huge and what happens here the one thing

that people get wrong that I want you to pay attention to people stop too quick so they'll take

a second they'll be like hand on chest okay open channel okay you need to actually so

medically feel this experience happen you need to feel the regulation the slow down

the feet on the ground this could take a minute two minutes three minutes give yourself time

it will get faster and easier over time but it's going to take a second for you to literally

feel a channel opening to heaven and like energy moving through your body your presence is what

opens up this channel and this channels for your essence this channels for God this channels for

your highest self the channels for the truth of what you want to be seen and heard and the truth

that goes beyond any wounding that you have the second thing that I want you to do is acknowledge

the protective archetype so acknowledging your rebel your invisible one your performer your good girl

acknowledge her that's what I do with my performer I'm like hey sis you know we're at dinner you

you don't need to to do this you don't need to try so hard right now I love you sister sit next to

me but I'm in I'm in charge self is here I can be myself and then when I'm on stage my girl get

ready because it's performer time it is time to turn on the lights to put on a show I acknowledge

that protective archetype and how she has served me so well I acknowledge how she has helped me

and I give her another role or it helps sooth her to relax her so that I can be seen so invisible

one love you girl I love you so much you are the best sit next to me because it's time for the queen

to step forward it's time for the truth of me to step forward so acknowledging that protective

archetype and loving her essential okay a few years ago I learned something that changed my entire

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still contains forever chemicals like PFAS so these are the things that will not leave your body

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and once I knew that I was like now we're upgrading that's why I switched to our place their

cookware is completely toxin free no PFAS no Teflon but the performance is unreal the non-stick is

so good eggs just glide out and it's ridiculously easy to clean that's one of my non-negotiables when

it comes to cookware I have the four piece cookware set two always pans and two perfect pots it's a

great set this covers almost everything and it replaces a whole stack of like bulky pans I used

to have you can see your saute steam bake boil everything and buying the full set saves you I

think like a hundred and fifty dollars plus they all match in those gorgeous colors you can

have these on your stove top just to display and people will be like wait what are those those

are beautiful I also have the dream cooker which is phenomenal it's a pressure cooker it's a slow

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okay so lately I've been thinking a lot about how I want to support my body in the season of life

in this kind of like preconception mode conception mode and it's a season of life that I've been

through before I have one son I'm just really intentional about what I'm putting in my body and how

I am making sure I'm getting the nutrients that I need so there's so much information out there

and it can feel overwhelming trying to make the right choices when it comes to your prenatal one

thing I feel really good about is that in my first pregnancy I took rituals essential prenatal

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it feels like such a supportive place to start they're clinically backed essential prenatal

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and it was clinically shown to deliver key nutrients like folate biotin and vitamin D I also

appreciate that it uses methylated folate and a patent and capsule design to dissolve in the

small intestines which I found makes it really gentle and easy to take especially I remember that

first trimester it was kind of like a hard thing to rub my head around that I had to take prenatals

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almost 30 for 25% off your first month the third is starting small and embodies so starting small

visibility isn't immediately about volume you guys may not be able to hold energetically

in your vessel all of the light and energy of Madison Square Garden next week

start small start with telling your partner what you actually want for dinner

hey what what are you craving for dinner oh you know I'm actually I really really want

tie that's what I really want I really want tie how can you make that happen literally

visibility can happen in any moment by you tuning into your internal landscape and dialogue

and telling the truth the fourth is express without outsourcing your worth so let your voice belong to

you before it belongs to the world so having your own safety within so what does that mean

for me that means having my own internal dialogue and landscape and example I was on the phone

with a friend this morning and she was saying something some you know she's giving me advice and

I was like having an internal dialogue I'm listening I'm like oh yeah uh-huh and then my

internal dialogue says she's projecting and I'm just I'm available to have that thought it's safe

in me to express in my mind well before I'd be like you're judging her you should listen she knows

that she's talking I'm like no I can think she's projecting I can think she's I can think that's not

right and that's okay so have an internal dialogue that is safe within yourself the fifth is

choosing resident environments not every single person deserves access to your medicine

gosh I was reading about Neville Goddard talking about demons and Neville Goddard doesn't see demons

in the religious way and this is going to tie back to what I'm talking about I promise

but Neville Goddard talks about demons as entities that people have that are basically their

own fears and projections so if I was to go up to someone and be like I'm so excited to go on

stage this weekend they'd be like oh my god everyone's gonna boo you and like they're gonna judge

your outfit that's their demons they are projecting onto me their own fears and insecurities

completely unconsciously because in their reality you are judged for what you look like and people

make fun of you and so their demons are coming at me and they're trying to get me scared

no choose resident environments to share your truth again mastermind or fully express our freaking

perfect opportunities for you to be fully seen and heard the one thing about me my containers are

pristine this is a part of my Dharma and this is a part of what God has made me here to do but

pristine environment so resident environments whether it's with me and my groups or with friends

choose a resident environments because not everyone deserves your medicine truthfully and when

you can really discern and understand that you're gonna be so much better quick quick story about

that I auditioned for a TV show with some friends and I got on the call and I realized that this

was like a TV show for like people that don't believe in spirituality don't understand spirituality

don't have like a spiritual practice and when I got on the call I realized immediately that

they were gonna make us like the jokes and the laughing stock of the show because they were

gonna call us like the spiritual people the woo woo people you know all of that I'm out I'm

complete I do not need to go to a TV studio to go to people's homes to prove to them God is

real spirituality is real energy is real no I'm all good on all that I have no desire to try to

prove myself to someone else and not everyone deserves my medicine this is a very specific energy

that you hold that I'm able to access and we're able to commune in this way the six is so

important and I want you guys to get this allow imperfection in your process energy responds to

authenticity not polish some of the most powerful TED docs I read this book on TED docs

were when people made mistakes at the beginning they're like hey this is really vulnerable brine

brown her TED docs are some of the biggest TED docs in the world because she was incredibly vulnerable

and not polished energy responds to authenticity and truth not polish visibility is absolutely

a part of your spiritual path in a leaning forward when I'm saying this you being fully expressed

and seen and heard is not selfish it is not wrong it does not mean you are doing something wrong

it is not mean you are taking up too much space it does not mean that you're off your path it

actually means you are on your path the bigger I am the more on path and on purpose I am God is

going to bring me and move me in the rooms where I am meant to serve and I am meant to be big I am

meant to take up space and the more that I can lean in and understand that and allow God to move

through me to do that the absolute better so just remembering that healing your visibility wounds

and going through this practice of understanding your archetypes looking at the different

ways you can heal your nervous system to do this is essential for you being on purpose and in your

Dharma and on mission and that is what I'm so excited to support you in doing and so freaking

here for because when you hide a part of your soul hides like your soul wants to move through you

in this lifetime wants to be expressed in this lifetime wants to be seen on stages online on

Instagram wherever it is you feel called your soul knows you are meant to be seen there

when you speak create lead and share you really activate these really beautiful dormant parts of

yourself and it's when you become who you came here to be so you're the best I'm proud of you

you're doing the work you're here on purpose on mission you're showing up every single day

I got you fam it's Christa on Instagram ITSK or ISTA then you can find all my solos on almost 30 we

have 800 episodes of amazingness and fun and you're just incredible you're doing the damn thing

I love you almost 30.com almost 30 podcasts on Instagram we are on YouTube I hope you're watching

me on YouTube and seeing my face almost 30 podcasts on TikTok and Instagram okay guys you're the

best I can't wait to see you shine bye bye