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Coming up on this week's episode of Shagmari Noid, we are chatting different parenting tactics chatting or arguing about the latter bit of both
Clones Easter eggs
We've got loads of beef and voice notes and questions from you lovely lovely lot. Hope you enjoy it
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Hello you all listening and you watching if you've got the YouTube the Chris and Rosie Ramsey
The YouTube the YouTube listen go on the Google find the YouTube and
Watch watch the videos. Hi welcome to the podcast. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. The world is
Shit currently, but we are here to hopefully bring you a little bit of light
Just take your mind off it just take your mind off it cheer you up. Yeah, I look in the I look in the chart
You're the day. Yeah, and there was me and you and Robin Josh. Yeah holding up the masses. Yeah, I've just
Just keeping it light. Just keeping it lighthearted try try my best. It's all just news and politics
It was all amongst
News and politics, which I was actually listen to I've listened to news podcasts on a
Think you think you're hard day. Yeah, I know
In fact that would drop some knowledge bombs are you and all facts and figures? Yeah, but then I go on Instagram
And I don't know what to do anymore. Of course, I know what to be on what I mean is Jim Carey real
There's the first thing we can talk about. Oh that put you know what it is, right?
You said this didn't you this morning?
I'd be fucking devastated if I'd just paid a shit load of money
You get me eyes lifted and me me me chicken plants and whatever the fuck else he's had done and then for people
For people to not only outwardly say you look weird, but the literally question whether it's fucking you are a clone
Like what I did say though. I think if it is right it'd be something that he would do. Yes. Yes, but he knows again
Miss quote, you know in the future alright if it turns out it was his clone slappers on the wrist. I'm wrong
But I don't think it is
I think it's just had a bit fill out. He's put on a bit weird on his face. You might be doing a role
You don't know what or guess what Chris guess what? He's just aged. Yeah
Maybe he's tried to stop it. I don't know what fucking hell like you imagine
Imagine getting like I don't know like on our level like imagine like I don't know get a haircut
Get a haircut or get any hair died. I got you
I'm sick of the little grey bits on the side of me here. I get me hair died
Right and then someone goes I go I turn up with something. I don't know comedy awards and people are like that's
That's a fucking clone of him. That's a nut. I'm like
Shouldn't have shouldn't have got that hair died. Shoulder. That was a fucking mistake
Yeah, it always makes us laugh though when someone isn't in the limelight for a while
Mm-hmm, and then the put pictures. Can you believe is it what it's 20 years later? Yeah, like people
Change the fray. Yeah. Yeah, they did want. I think what's the one I saw while ago? It was jetley
Remember jetley the guy who did the all the
The the film like the martial arts films. All right. Okay, I don't remember he was a sort of next one after Jackie Chan kind of like martial arts to all his own stunts like, you know
I'm just just just your own while I'm talking
Absolutely fine unbelievable fucking just your own is openly just your own isn't it me fierce? No, I'm sorry
I've been away since five a.m. Right. Yeah five o'clock in the morning. Yeah, because
I decided I have children stupid what a stupid idiot. I am
So yeah, sorry, I've been I'm really tired the day. I've just been up too early, man
I just got a miss a miss just like being able to stay in bed. Yeah
But then when you do you feel guilty when you got kids. That's a thing you go on have a day in bed
You feel fucking terrible. I know I can't enjoy
Relax, I'm on two at the minute right and sometimes we're not checking out the hotel still 12 o'clock
I can't fucking stay still. What? No, I got it. I've been fucking brightened the other day and I walked around brightened
It was fucking raining maybe one one time because I've definitely rang it 11 o'clock and you've been in bed
No, absolutely not absolutely have 11 o'clock in bed and you're crazy. Yes. Yes. Where was that? I don't know
It has happened I had breakfast and everything. No, not not not on this tour not on this tour
No, no, no, no, I don't believe you. Right then. What time are you getting up like ten?
9 o'clock I think some way out
But listen all I'm saying is you can't lie in bed. You feel bad even if you give yourself a day
God you go I could be chilling, but I just like no I just walk I'm not no slugging bright enough here
But I just walk around and just fucking walk because I'm like I should be moving. I should be doing something
It's gets ingrained in you. Yeah, I don't think them two little tosses who we live with right where children love them
The death tosses they're gonna be teenagers in bed and not getting up in mid-day or whatever and we are gonna be
Conditioned through years and years of being woke up Saturday mornings. Me and you be up seven o'clock
Fucking part-run around they'd be like what you do and I'll be like you fucking did this
Yeah, she would join the park run
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh
Oh, no, I think we're doing too much
We drink too much to join something that early running as a solitary affair
I don't understand people going running in groups. I've never understood. No, do you want to go running? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
How many do you want to go with 20,000? Wait? No, I'll I'll put Netflix on a
Yeah, really
I don't like be I don't like being on a busy pavement
Yeah, they say well on the peloton when they say you should be able to hold a conversation
I'm like I don't want to have a conversation right now conversational pace
I want to just concentrate on me breathing doesn't exist do all these stuff
By the way, what I was going to say was that did eight you cut us off
They did it with jet-lead ages ago
They did a photo of him like from one of these films off like the early northeast and then a photo of him someone had spotted him now and they're like
He's aged
Yes, yes, he's aged
It's just because you're famous. It doesn't mean you don't age. I mean some people are aged incredibly some people
Yeah, of course and as well. We've spoke about this before. I think people think that once someone's famous
They have to just be famous forever like they never allow to change the mind like they have to just be that person
Forever and like that doesn't happen doesn't it? Yeah, well sometimes, but you know, I would say that
I think some people are poor road
Poor road
The man has an age of fucking day. He looks amazing, but you know good genes good genetics probably moisturizers like a motherfucker
Yeah, so listen probably has tweakments as well
Tweakments are one little tiny ones that don't allegedly allegedly allegedly
Sneaky sneaky. Yes, guys
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening
Thank you for being part of Shagron or if you'd like to like and subscribe and all that shit
That will be really helpful probably not very convincing when I say and all that shit
But there we go. It is time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor. Rosey. It's happening. It's happening this week's sponsor
is
Light mornings. Oh the light mornings are back
Yeah, I wake up. There's a I look at the curtain. There's there's a crack of light. Yeah, there's a
What's happening is the is the refia is the lighthouse has someone port a car? No, it's daylight
God it's happening so happy. I don't know, but the other day
But it's not only forget the minute because the idea the other evening
I went to take the bins out. I walked in the back garden and it was still light in the back garden at like
The hills are about just the kids were playing outside last night. Oh believe me after school
And it was just so happy about it
And we live in the north as well
So we're probably getting the shitest version of that
So if you live down in the south and you're getting actual warm fuck me congratulations
And have we become those old fuckers who talk about and wind about the weather? Yes, we have hard lines
Yes, we have because it affects your mental health and it's nice to be back
We had a fight about the Jingle Jingle we couldn't set a long a Jingle Jingle
So this is the Jingle Jingle
We hope you like the Jingle Jingle
Babadu Babadu Babadu Babadu Bab
Jingle Jingle
Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Mountain oid
Hello
Like we said before hope you're all well and it is just a bit intense
At the minute
Yes, we are here and you're on two are still I am on two and well as I like to call it at the moment
So there's two there's two jobs. I've got it the minute me first job three jobs one jobs the podcast obviously look a bit
Wouldn't change it for the world
What does he need to be co-host? No, no, I wouldn't I'm alright with that as well
Shit, you know, try give it a try well. I am working on a clone
I am working on a clone
Yeah, it's just yeah, it's not just great. You go really mean that
Honestly, you know I've done what I've evolved a period out of I should never has a period just amazing. Oh my god
Amazing if I didn't have a period. I think I'd be the perfect woman
What yeah, you would yeah, don't you think I'm totally talking. I'm sorry
So oh my god, I think I've rough I think I briefly mentioned your period on stage the other night when I was on two
And I think there was a lady in the crowd who mustn't listen regularly the podcast
I was just like like was like mortified that I was mentioned me
I was like you're not up to date. I was like you don't you don't understand that the period is the third host of the podcast
But is it not good that men talk about periods? I said that Robbins had the oh Robbins getting the big chat the day at school
It's the big chat the big chat
Not the sex education chat because they already had that which was mortified in last year awful
I don't feel like that should have happened, but that's by the by it's done now
I feel like I don't feel like I was warned about it and then I just sort of got told and I was like
Okay, anyway, that's by the by it's happened and the big chat about and I said to him this morning
I said what they're gonna talk about it less than periods and what is he was just like
He was mortified. I totally didn't I yesterday when the car and I said um know what I mean jelly bean
I just said you know what I mean and I left a little gap and I went jelly bean anyway don't
You yeah, they're ever and I was like what the fuck are you for that bad on the subject of them?
Yeah, I forgot to tell you about this right do you know the other day when they were just being dicks
Well now we're down
Anyway, um, so let's check me diary. Oh, that was that was everything that you know
I'm gonna need more I'm gonna need more specifics. It was just a day when they were being dicks right I said the Robin
I don't know if you you might not be in here, but I might you might be downstairs
I can't remember anyway
He was going to bed and I said to him and I was like I'm sick of everyone being rude in this house
I'm sick. No one listening was broke. I was just doing one of them ran so I had a brand
It was reading his book and I was just having a rant and then I said you know what is I went you would be good
I think it was one of them pity me more so if I packed my bags and I left this house
Yes would be good, which I hate actually because is that like what narcissistic parents do possibly who possibly
Anyway, listen when you're back against the wall you pull out the old narcissistic parents stuff come on
Well, I know I just had a moment. I felt so himself anyway all he did so I was like and I would leave this house
And I'll never come back and he literally looked up from his book and he just went that's a bit dark
I think carried on reading couldn't give a shit
Well, I thought well, I just think you pull them out now and then you really do like how and I paid them leave
Skateboard partly the day would be in there for so long I paid him I went if we leave now you can have 20 pounds and need to leave
I would be in there for four and a half hours. It was fucking freezing. I was sick. Why you did not say you did not tell me that you paid him to leave
Chris. I managed to change it in the last minute
I managed to change it and say look you did so well in the competition that you know
God, I hope you did they did the competition or everyone was watching you now that had to take turns
Someone's on the microphone. They were like next to the ramps. It's rubbing around you and you had to do all the stuff
It was amazing and I was like, yeah, it's painted. You've slashed. You did really well. Why don't you just say we're going now?
I'll see what you are. You are. You are ruining these kids. Yeah, I should have put me back to tell them I was leaving them there. Should I pick a fucking side?
Will you I'd rather there'd be I'd rather there'd be sort of emotionally scarred from the possibility of we're leaving.
Right? The threat of we're leaving then they're getting 20 quid just whenever they want. It was 12 quid in the end. The thing you want was 12 quid.
I kept the quid pocket. These actual words were I'll let you keep that a quid dad because that was clearly a bribe.
Why are you telling why do you do that? Why do you keep doing this? And then do you know what really do you know what's the most upset?
And this is being a beef because they'll do something and you go, these children are spoiled.
And I'm like, well, because you've because you bribe them to leave places you're more on. You say get your stuff.
We're leaving now or I'm going to park my words.
Stop. Stop it. Please. No, you buy the McDonald's every week.
Can you stop it? I've got a shiny. You're not the favorite parents.
I've got a shiny 20 pound old if you stopped talking about this. I've got a shiny 20 pound old for you.
If you just leave this, if you forget about all this. You're a moron. You're a moron.
Well, good luck because actually the clever right and they do realize that you know sometimes we are a team but sometimes we're very much not.
Right. And I think that's because we're both fiercely independent. So they they will know, oh, mom doesn't just give us stuff but dad does.
So good luck. So good luck. They're going to bleed you dry. And who they're not going to bleed dry.
Okay. Me. Right. So good. So there you go. All right.
Fine. There will be like dad to push over. He'll buy us that. He'll get us this.
Now it depends what he catches on because sometimes I'm an absolute pushover. Sometimes I'm an absolute pushover.
You're always a pushover. You're always a pushover.
You buy literally the amount of times they come home. Every time you go to a market, buy them something.
No, not ridiculous though. Just a sweet or something. Every time every time Chris, you're a mold.
You're a fool. You're a fool. Join our buy them to get a pack of raisins out the one that the most packed that I bought yesterday.
Or what do you want for a bird seed? You can have a brioche out of the pack that I bought and that's it.
I don't I don't buy them enough or me. Okay.
Okay. The noted noted. Listen, do you want to know about your jobs?
Three jobs, right? As I was saying, anyway, podcast, right?
Like I said, definitely change in the host. A co-host.
Um, stand up. And my other job is come and home and try and be best not to get fucking coughed and sneezed on
so that I'm ill when I go back out on tour. I've known nothing like it.
The pair them just, but out here, just in your face, just sitting like that. I feel wind.
I just feel wind from coughs on me body the whole time.
Is this, is this you trying to prepare me for you just not coming home at all?
It's just what this feels like. I just need to stay. I just need to stay.
What, what are these to do? I need a quarantine. I just need a quarantine so I can still do the gifts.
Well, wasn't it? Was it? I don't want to like dig them out, but we interviewed a pop star.
No, no, no. We interviewed a couple of pop stars who tell us that when they're finished to it,
they'll go and just stay in a hotel for a week. So one, I don't know.
I did decompress. I don't want to say who it was, but I told loads of people this.
But someone who we have interviewed a couple of times, who's a musician and a famous man,
told us of another even more famous guy who when he finishes a massive world tour,
stays in a hotel round the corner from his house and just pops in for a couple of extra hours per day.
Just to get you that. I mean, that's the fucking life in it.
That's the fucking life in it.
I'm going to say it was actually. I'm not going to say who told me.
I'm going to say who it was. No, why? Just because just so everyone knows a bit.
I'm going to have some trust. Well, yeah.
I don't always remember who it was. It was Bonnell.
It was Bonnell. I got told that Bonnell comes back from a massive tour.
I mean, in there two as a mental. I mean, in there in you two do separate plans.
They don't travel together in case they all die and the whole band's gone.
So they go on separate planes. Right.
So he comes back and apparently just stays in a hotel round the corner and just comes home.
Come in for a couple hours and then fox off back to the hotel stays one night.
It comes in six hours the next day. Fox off back to the hotel.
Just drip feeds themselves.
That's the only family.
How are you the half living it?
Oh, it's just great. I didn't know. I'd be raging.
I'd be raging. No. But like, didn't you toy me?
I stayed an extra half. No idea. Have you taken it?
Well, I just think. Do you know what it is? Right?
In his defense. It's the way that you choose to live your life.
Yeah. We, you know, which is not.
I don't want to get talk. No. Well, I'm not going to say what you're going to see.
Quick. See something. You're going to regret that you have to wake up in the middle of the night.
Remember. I'm going to regret it. I just we are in a financial position where we could.
Live a very different life to what we do. But it's because I feel like I need to.
See my kids all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Because that's the kind of mom and family that I had. And I want that for my kids.
And you're the same. So like, so you could go and stay in a hotel down the road for a week.
But I would be like, sorry, what are you doing?
Listen to me. Listen to me right now. And this is from the bottom of my heart.
I don't like any of the hotels around here, which I have looked into.
So I'm not going to. No, actually, this is the difference.
We're like, right. We're talking. We're talking a lot here. But no, the difference is you would love to do that.
100% honestly, someone opened a nice little hotel around here.
Sell shields, get open it, put on a nice one and come out.
I'll go on your kidness. I did a full time. I'll just pop in now and then pop in bed and bath.
Bed and bath. See you later.
I know. Do you think Bono will get up with five o'clock with these kids?
I don't know. And then does his kids must be grown up now.
I don't know if he's got kids.
No. So it's sorry. You don't want to just eat what?
He's just going crazy. He's like.
I had to know for love card. We can't just eat any more love.
We've done two hours of love. I'll be right back in the morning.
I don't know if that's so off. Is he either?
Yes, I do.
Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu, Babadu.
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I forgot to tell you something last week.
Okay.
So me and Carl, I went to do Jiu Jitsu with some lads in Milton Keynes, right?
And then Carl found like a little, I think I told you Carl found like this little like health club thing around the corner.
So we went and had like a sauna in that afterwards basically because I didn't want to do Jiu Jitsu.
What?
What's that look for?
Just must be nice.
Where we went and if we did all that.
You're going to want to again next year.
Hey.
What?
You're doing it again next year.
So listen, I swore blind on this podcast that I wasn't going to add any dates.
Because it's just you know, I'm assuming I'm probably going to add some dates because I'm a massive hypocrite person.
Before the two I started, you were just like, you know, you're a bit sad and you're saying you're going to miss when Mr. Kids and that.
And honestly, I haven't really seen that actual.
I haven't seen that follow through.
You don't seem sad at all.
Yeah, actually, if anything, you see like a lot.
Rosie, I am.
Listen, you and is it Robert and Steve?
What the call?
What the?
You and them two kids mean so much to me.
Peter and Peter and Richard is Richard.
One of the weekends of the hour.
Two and then bands.
Honestly, I love you so much.
I can barely concentrate on me day trips to Jitsu and, you know, am I taking me golf clubs tomorrow?
Yes, I am.
Take me golf clubs tomorrow.
Have I booked a full round of golf in one of the days that I'm away?
Yes.
But I will be thinking of you and the kids the entire time.
Right.
What we've seen.
What I'm saying was right.
So we've been at this gym.
It was really weird.
It was like a little sort of really like, I can't remember what it was called.
I can't put it on his Instagram.
It was a really like Instagramable little cool health club thing.
It was like, I don't know if this, I don't know if this makes sense as an analogy.
It was like, if Holly Orks did a gym, that's kind of what it felt like.
It was like, young and cool and a lot of, a lot of wood and like black, black shower heads.
Do you know what?
What?
Using Holly Orks as a reference.
Bad in it.
Am I old?
That's, yeah.
Yeah.
You could like, there's a lot more now really that you could have said.
It's just dead fucking cool.
Right.
Okay.
Brat summer like that.
I don't know what that is.
Right.
Well, just like, yeah.
Bridgerton, did a gym with that work?
I mean, was it?
That were the kids I watched.
I don't know, was it?
Is that all, is that medieval?
Not Bridgerton then.
What's the other one?
What's the one where the, the spunk, drink spunk of a bath bath?
Salt burned.
That one.
If they did a gym.
That's, I don't think that's in this time either.
No.
I missed that.
Euphoria.
If euphoria did a gym.
Right.
Listen, it was a fucking cool gym.
Just to be the cool gym.
Okay.
I still don't know what it looks like though.
You have not explained.
Because Hollywood is a gym.
It's really not like, like I haven't watched Hollywood since I think I was about 90.
Imagine an Instagram influencer opened a gym.
Okay.
Right.
It's got tattoos and he's got fucking bright white teeth.
This isn't the guy.
The guy, the guy, he won't look nothing like this.
But he impersonate the margin.
Really good looking fella.
You know.
And it's like.
Like the good looking couples.
Like the good looking couples.
And she's standing next to him and just doing that thing.
That makes her aroustic out in the phone.
Right.
I'm going to wear a gym and everything's black and it's all cool and there's little squeegees
in the showers that were black and you squeeping.
Okay.
I'm not describing it very well and if anything I might be putting people off but it's
fucking awesome place.
No.
You have described it a lot better because you said.
You said Hollywood.
Right.
And that is the gladiator.
Imagine the gladiator's open a gym.
It would look like this.
You've gone near it.
Right.
I don't know what to talk about.
It's fucking nice gym.
It has a cold plunge.
It had all this stuff, right?
We had to get, right?
The guy who wanted to came in and said hello.
It was the next day.
We booked the night before me and Carl.
And Carl and obviously because I wanted to have a shower, I didn't want to do a jiu-jitsu
and then sit in the car at a brighten for ages.
Right.
So I phoned them up and I was like, do you provide towels and they were like, no.
And then I went, do you have lockers?
And they went, yes.
Now apparently because Carl phoned up and booked both of us under one address to stay there.
And then I phoned up and asked if they had lockers.
There was like, it flagged up on their system.
And they had to like, back around check where and then check on when we came in and be like,
eji with me because phoned up and asking if you've got lockers.
And booking off a DIT off two people off one address is apparently what thieves do who come to gems and just rob all the lockers.
These are a couple of...
Did they rear-eared men?
Just fucking twats!
It's like, I'm sorry!
Bad isn't it?
What he was like, he was like, oh well, the staff fell on alert.
It was like, when these two come in like, keep an eye on them and that, and they were fucking following one road.
But it was because that's what people do.
do they come in and they just nick out with the lock doesn't believe apparently but I've
been on of that right okay that whole story was one of the worst stories you've ever
told on the podcast and I'm it made no fucking sense okay it was shit okay do you want
to retract the whole thing and get it taken out I want to retract everything I just said
because that that was will never get those five minutes back all you wanted to say was
that just thought you were dodgy thought you were rubbing great right that's it wonderful
it's a really I'm should we go straight to question because it's a really slow is that all you've
got so all you've got to say right all you've got to say is that you and Carl are really old
in living the past and he's ring up about lockers and booking under different addresses
and you're used Hollywood's as a reference don't ever do that again I think is it still on it
probably is still on I think so I think so that's good for you I don't want to upset anybody
because I think it is but I just don't think it's our okay so I'm still doing pilates yeah
which is nice are the lockers there there's actually not there's no lockers and it's just like
places to put your court and your shoes but I take me back in with it's like a little old lady
so don't leave me back well you fucking slag of me off your oldest fuck as well but I didn't
sorry I didn't write down to me notes tell Chris and everyone listening that I take me back
it's not all fucking gold right some stuff I'll tell you and you might have something
to spin off from sometimes you don't and I'm just talking to the fucking ether
here's something that makes me and Carl sound even more pathetic by the way
so this week just gone I did Halifax Stockton Stockton would drove there and back every single
night and because Carl gets off stage an hour and a half before me or whatever
Carl drove himself as well do you know on the the draft of Halifax um Carl was in the car behind
when I was in the car in front and we we were on the phone talking funnily the entire day
outside of us and this is fucking pathetic I was like this is what like this is what like
brand new couples do like no he's got a lovely friendship I think it's really important but it
was like we couldn't like so he'd set off at whatever time for me he lives in Newcastle
I live in South Sheel so he'd set off at whatever time and then I got picked up by me too
I managed and I got taken down and he phone to ask about there's a road closed and he
phone to ask about it and then we stayed on the phone and we're just a way where like I was like
we've just gone past like a bakery but you see the bakery yet and he was like no then two minutes
later I'd be like I've gone past it now but I'm was so excited and I went I went why is this so
exciting we're going at the same place obviously we're following the same route why is it so exciting
and he said because we're set off at different times from different places and we're
bending up on the same roads and at one point he was behind us in the van I couldn't come to
him he's so I was so excited but I finished a banana and I did consider throwing the banana skin
over the top of the cart because we do play a lot of Mario Kart but the two are my tutorials I couldn't
it's time for what's your beef now I have been you know a delight when I come back
picking up the reins being amazing and I've been away for quite a lot so I can't
ignore you then so there can't be much things that you have beef with me this week
do you know actually wrong I don't well because you haven't really been here um I wouldn't say
being a delight you've been very tip-to-y which are an oasis right like just just like
well because I don't want to come back and like you know swing me dick around and piss you off
so I'm very like you know I do have one beef brilliant it's actually different from the one I was
gonna say um what's happening with us cooking because you're just getting me way right but I
think I get in your way as well well yesterday I was cooking no you won't okay this is more of me beef
you always want the dishwasher that's stupid dishwasher when I'm cooking right just getting me way
okay and uh I have to empty it like because you're using all the shit and then you need
stuff so you're getting stuff out of it and I think well I'll empty it then but then you're using
so much fucking shit I need to empty to put it back because we're running out of bench base because
you just fucking ignore it oh here then let's go paper plates paper plates do that in America it
blows my mind really oh my god oh you're not in TikTok are you TikTok I'm not in TikTok you're
not on TikTok I meant to say on sorry you're not on TikTok and there's loads of videos on TikTok where
they're just moms put not very many dads not but not many men do it's mostly women just
playing up dinner yeah in America on paper plates they're all with and then they just hide
them all in the bin Jesus fucking Christ I don't know what the carbon footprint of a dishwasher
are shitload of hot water that wash plates versus throwing them away it is but I'm gonna put
me money with me mouth is and say that I imagine just using paper plates and slinging them away
is worse for the environment than just washing your dishes who knows I don't believe anything anymore
brilliant probably be Jim Kerry in a mask the mask
sorry if you just if you just put two into it together there because some guy said it was
sim and a mask and you're yeah you've just got my beef with you and you are you haven't
just read it off me I can't read that so good and you oh that sounds like a lie I can't
you are going to be you are going to be mortified there's going to be a guy on your face here
last night it wasn't a beef against me but I'm beefing on behalf of rave last night
and rave got star of the week at school yes he was buzzing star of the week guys little
certificates little pennies little toy everything bed very proud of him he finished all his dinner
and I said there it is I love it when it takes you a while like click on
so you finished all his dinner and I said you know what you've been such a good boy you got
star of the week would you like some chocolate and use and he said yes and I went okay and I
went in the fridge and I got an Easter I got because we went to a restaurant on Saturday night
me and you and we had we had the kids with a lovely night out but we had quite a bit of wine
and afterwards we didn't get a dessert we didn't get a dessert afterwards I went at the shop and I
got two Easter eggs you had forgotten about the second Easter egg so I went in the fridge and I got
this I was really drunk and I got this I got this Easter egg out and you were like where the fuck
where the fuck did you get that and I was like oh we're brought at the end I and I was like
I'm just gonna open some for rave and you went no don't you dare and you're wrestling offers guys
you're wrestling with offers right put it in the fridge went in the other co-batter went rave
do you want a Kit Kat and he got a Kit Kat instead of some chocolate egg look he got some
Kat Kat Kat Kat Kat Kat he loves it he loves Kat Kat he's so kindy in it he loves a Kit Kat
um he doesn't know he does not need to know it's unbelievable if either if them two know that
that Easter eggs in that fridge it'll be gone yeah and then who's not going to enjoy the Easter egg
muggins here no unbelievable sorry oh I'm sorry oh I'm sorry 20 quids left right in the left
I can't speak right in center would the as one would you pay them to not eat that Easter egg
no it's the last Easter egg in in in in the land right um you are on your period and hung over
oh god and there's just the Easter egg left and they both want the Easter egg but you've got
40 pound in your hand to give them 20 pound each or they're going to eat that Easter egg what would
you do I give them the money but that's but I rest my case you filthy hypocrite you're here now
it's time for questions from the public public public as always if you'd like to get in touch
it is shagged married annoyed at gmail.com and if you'd like to send a voice note to our whatsapp
the number is 0 7 8 7 4 4 0 6 6 5 0 and it's on the podcast page on your little podcast app so you
can just click it on there really but I've said it then you congratulations and I will will I learn
it will I fuck you don't need to learn it you can have you can have your tools around you yeah
like you know I should write it down on me oh I should write it down on me Mike stand there's a good idea
I'll look I look forward to forgetting to do that yeah good yeah great right um I've got these
voicinols which I totally forgot I've only listened a few of them so I don't have a comment but
dearsie sent them so they should be there just smash them smash them smash them let's go hey Chris
I'm Rosie so my partner will probably kill me if you know I was sending this in juicy I just had to
do it so last year he decided he wanted to lose weight he didn't want to do the jobs so he
decided to take these slim in tablets now these slim in tablets strip all of the fat out of
the food you're eating so you can imagine what they do to you he took a slim in tablet on his
birthday and on his birthday that night we were going out for a curry with all of our friends
so in his infinite wisdom he thought he'd take a tablet that day go to the next day and he comes
in absolutely traumatized to the bedroom to tell me that he has shut out pure orange oil and he
wasn't lying because even though he flushed the toilet the whole toilet was orange it's like someone
had sprayed it with orange oil and that is what he did for two days and that day I thought let
me change the bed as I've taken off the bottom sheet no there's an orange splatter across our
mattress so clearly in the night he decided to do a little pop and in that pop he'd pebble dashed
spray-painted our bed with orange oil it took a whole new meaning to you've been tangoed
you know I've heard of that before they're quite old school they're nice to work with some
money for them yeah they take like all of the fat out of everything you eat so you do kind of
just excrete like oil and all that kind of stuff oh god me it's all like right so some curries
when you get them you know from a place that will have that like the lear on top you're telling me
that lear on top that stuff that when it gets it's on your fingers for days he was just firing
that out of his back end for days yeah that that's that's horrend it you I'm sorry why is him the first
thing I go to he must have been wiping for hours oh why do you take on these birthday surely
on your birthday you go I'm having the night off it's a weird time is it so I don't understand
what the do something yet inside that makes you not get take any of the fat in apparently
can't be just go through all the way through yeah oh god grim no no no hi Chris and Rosie so I've
just listened to the episode where you were talking about the guy that got his dick stuck in a
mystery and bottle and it's reminded me of my very first boyfriend and he was 17 and he so just
for context just to give you a bit of info about the type of person he was we were together for
about six to eight months I absolutely idolized him you know first boyfriend tall dark hamson etc
he was a little bit odd when I think back actually very odd he was probably Tom Jones's biggest
fan at the age of 17 and he wore crocodile skin type shoes because Tom Jones wore shoes like
he also wore like a gold cigarette ring on his little finger because Tom Jones wore that on his
finger and he would listen to so much of his music that he wasn't really up to date with like modern
music because he loved Tom Jones that much he also had the obsession with tigers so his bedroom
as a 17 year old boy living at home with his parents was covered in photographs signed pictures
of Tom Jones and then tigers in the world and yeah so the Listerine situation and he's like
a sitcom character awful but we've all gone out with people like this but that's come on we think
back leather jackets did you see another jacket or if I just put them in one and right so I put
him on I just put them in shoes and as well just for a second there when she said he was up she's
so she went she said he's obsessed with top drawn then she jumped the tigers and she went
she went in his room signed she said signed photos of I thought she was going to see I thought she
was going to see Tom Jones with tigers like like like the tiger he got a photo of the tiger from
the zoo and then they'd like put it's paw print on a little bit of ink is it you see you know it's
tiger saying so weird isn't it I don't know but when you think back I don't know how many
girlfriends you've heard in the past but I think I'm not a boyfriend I can't have lost count
millions some weird ones when you go what I just I find I find people absolutely fascinating who go
right I'm gonna pick one or two things and that's me done to be obsessed with yeah I'm gonna pick
one or two things I'm gonna make them me entire existence and that's it I've always always
always people like this like what he gets so much pleasure from Tom Jones and tigers so much
pleasure from Tom Jones that he doesn't even know any modern music just so much and tigers I
wonder if he had a photo of Tom Jones with a tiger well that's what I thought she was going to
see yeah if I know the rest because why should mention in this list green bottle that's the thing
that's got me I he's already where's he getting his dick to I haven't listened to this by the way
yeah where's he getting his dick stuck that's got tiger mouth with Tom Jones face on I'm so confused
tiger bomb okay go okay ready yeah um yeah so the Listerine situation um he was quite proud
about the fact that he was never going to get an STD or an STI because he regularly rinsed his
dick in Listerine he would splash Listerine all over it to keep it clean and he believed that
because it said on the bottle that it kills bacteria and kills germs that he was never going to get
anything like that because of Listerine again I didn't have the heart to tell him that you
would have to actually have sex with lots of people who had infections to contract that kind of thing
I think he genuinely thought he could just randomly get it wasn't the smartest the brightest crayon
in the packet wow so he believed that you could just randomly get an STD from like like a cold
like a cold or a you know or a random infection so he just regularly for no reason
washed his dick with Listerine to people I've talked with their kids I don't think anyone
talked with their kids back then and one spoke to him nobody the part of the probably already
said he'd turn that fucking Tom Jones off again and stop roaring
yeah you you scratched all these holes in this door the fuck's wrong with your man
he's just scared of you you better be sitting there great again I'll come up there and I'll
give him no massage why why
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hi Chris and Rosie I thought you'd love this story so late last year I'd come out of a 14-year
relationship back into the daylight in a moment of post dump and delusion I decided I was that girl
and went on a date two weeks later delusional behavior yes I know I mean I don't think
you've moved on but you know that he's she wasn't ready I don't know lesson learned and ever
again she wasn't ready oh I'd rather be on my own if this is the kind of people available oh god
egg one this is this guy right and I'm not condoned this is just her eggs I'm not saying it's my
eggs okay or our eggs because I don't think you should it's not an egg in my opinion and I'm really
ect out but this is just her okay but anyway egg one he has a not allergy that's not an egg that's
so that's not an egg that's not an egg I can't be yet I don't know why but it was just something to me
and made my vagina shrivel up it's gone healthy I felt like I'd have to carry not be penned
instead of lip gloss the romance was fading fast so that's a weird thing so that's that is it's
interesting it's an interesting point because it's like that old school like survival of the fitness
kind of thing some people see a weakness in someone and see it as a oh my god I'll look after
you I'll you know I'll be there for you and a lovely nurture thing and some people see you know
I'm not saying it's a weakness but you know it's it's a it's an issue some people say something
like an allergy and go absolutely not you need to look after me well it takes all sort of people my
friend you've got an allergy and you you just constantly forget he's got an allergy and
well in my opinion every time he comes around in my opinion he doesn't mention it enough
he doesn't he never does after I have to die after I have to mention it at restaurants
when we go to restaurants to go any allergies and he goes and I go fucking tell him oh I'm not
going to hospital itself yes himself well that's his problem no I've tried I have one multiple
times try multiple times don't have just this is literally like yeah just about to put his mouth
and you go oh by the way there's nuts and he goes okay thanks a lot and I'll just put that down
yeah bless him anyway she's like bye like I said I am not
absolutely that it's so unbelievably harsh and I am not on board with her being
and the only reason I'm reading this out is because the end is funny right okay so I'm not I'm
not trying to condo anyway second the second day he's got asthma but this is fucking shocking
again no again nothing wrong with it but why did I immediately picture myself
fanning him gently during a live jog and him popping on his inhaler and me on my vape to get
through the situation this is her these are her issues not his these are her issues I think in
a past life she's had all of these things right okay and this is why she's got it anyway but the
absolute the absolute final nail in the coffin was the conversation all that of this man look me
dead in the eyes and ask me my favorite color I said mine he said his which was baby blue
I made my excuses and left
oh the three horsemen of the Ica pot relips no analogy asthma baby blue taxi
it's easy please keep me anonymous just in case he tries to chase me down the street inhaler
in hand will keep you anonymous because you're a fucking dick don't do it on you that I think I
don't even think that because I'm telling you right now I think she's just she's a little bit
a bit of it it is 14 years I gave to a man and this is what I've come back out to not allergies
in here doesn't baby blue I don't think I think if she met the love of her life and he had
an analogy and he used any had asthma I don't think she'd be bothered I think she's just in a bad
place she's a in a bad place and she's doing on with his father we're enjoying baby blues hilarious baby
that would ignite that's really fun yeah what's your favorite color baby blue why are you asking what
the fit what what is this fucking nursery how to start a conversation level one I don't know
your favorite color what I don't know let me she was saying at the same time wait what's your
favorite color green none of your fucking business how about that that I don't know your favorite color
business what's got to do with you you're boring cow and not my favorite color it's like like an
army green all of it's probably my favorite color yeah yeah I've got I've got four
players of all of all of trousers just ask me mine what's favorite color all of you green
shut up man for all the same why are you coming up why are you coming up and we're just the same
you're picking everyone can't be baby blue can't be all of you baby pink
public service announcement second one a day a first one don't watch your
dictionary didn't think I'd have to say that second one if you are on a date and they ask you what
your favorite color is make your excuses and leave because they are not putting the effort in here
they are root one that is the worst possible that watch your favorite color that is the worst thing
you can ask someone I don't know I think you get a good impression of someone unless you've got
an amazing follow-up question watch your favorite color is what what if you what are you reading date
and for dummies page one well maybe well I'm not being funny if you if I want a date or
what if we were calling them like black I'd go right he's depressed who you're gonna use a date
with that what says hands I'm just I saw a video the day the kid dressed up as a Edward
says a hands for like Halloween or something I thought they don't know who that is
the mate what what five-year-old watching Edward says a hand you made our kids watch a
mighty duxie idea our kids turn them off but some kids keep them on and watch them
the watch yeah can I tell you how how much anxiety I had because I look I would love to
write I kept crying because it was just nostalgia all the way through I was keep we've got
and I was just waiting for them to turn it off what what am I going to say what's your favorite film
no oh never seen it I've never seen them like he talks I can it this is are you actually being
I've never seen it stop come on come back tell us what if every color is I've never seen the mighty
dogs I'm a clone I'm do you okay I'm pleased to meet you what did you what when you were a kid
everything except the mighty dogs I've never seen it are you okay I'm not okay
never seen the mighty dogs nobody like me to watch it with you was what I was going to say it's
brilliant no it's cinematic it's like god god why I just oh that's sad but weirdly I used to
play I used to play hockey outside and I used to quote it all the time because I used to just
quote the quotes that other people said I used to copy that it's not a book time and all that I
don't I've never seen that but I know yeah yeah I said all that but I'd never seen it I just
copied off whatever else said I think it was on sky no well I didn't have sky I watched the
cartoon the mighty dogs cartoon there was a cartoon this is real this is actually really you upset
hi kev it's me you're right I'm all right I'm just ringing you really quickly right this is
going to I'm just doing the podcast and this might upset you a little bit do you know my
Chris is never seen mighty dogs I've seen the goonies I've seen the goonies right what about the
Sandlock kids the what the Sandlock kids never even heard of that oh Chris this is so I'm so upset
right now you've got no idea what are the mighty dogs court bomb it all right do you know what I
don't think I can actually be married there were many but I put it on firm and he's educated in the
way he looks like yeah and isn't it there's two and three oh not the court bomb it a series
after we caught his kids again it's just come out there last year I've seen the cartoon I've seen
the mighty dogs cartoon I'm trying to claw you way back I'm getting fucking bullied all right
kev I just have to let you know I've got it I'm praying boy I watch it every year me like
and you guys birthday
Charlie Charlie could you want me to swing
I knew I knew that would upset my kev because I know your drip um it was such a huge film
of our childhood and I just assume everyone I was expecting the patented you and kev and your mom
and ke it all go I was expecting the air but he just went nah drip which hurt so much more
oh anyway that's that's I'm sorry that's took a lot of time up with the podcast that's really
upset me I apologize to anything you know your partner though like I thought I knew you really well
you've never seen my new dogs I'm sorry I'm really sorry
fuck
hi Rosy and Chris please keep me anonymous
mm-hmm be listen the podcast from day one and never miss an episode
I love you thank you I've been dying to write in for years with the story my husband told me
and I think you'll love it I hope so let's go he's finally agreed to me sending it in as long
as no names are mentioned cool when my other half was around 12 or 13 he hung around with
another lad let's call him James James lived in a street in our hometown in the northeast called
Greta Avenue in this street it's not chilled right in this street resided a girl gang self-titled
the Greta girls very imaginative I'm sure you like it I like it I think I'm all about the
Greta girls had a bit of a mean streak and weren't very nice to James I imagine they had their own
theme tune and their own dance I would love that 100% being as my husband put it bitchy self-entitled
nobbs wow one day by chance the boys were looking out of an upstairs window and saw the Greta
girls shiftfully placing an object in a water meter cover in the path right when it was clear
when the girls are gone yeah the boys ran and grabbed this item excitedly opening the drain
cover to find a plastic bag with what can only be described as a burn book inside do I burn
book guys have you seen mean girls yes you haven't have you no you see the musical you never told
me you'd never seen mean girls I'm watching musicals but the musical was great the books better
I don't think it was a book if you're not ready to read the book don't don't be a dickhead
we can tell you we had mighty books the book have you yeah mighty dogs the book I read all the mighty
dog books so a burn book in mean girls was where they just wrote horrible stuff about people
all the burn right okay yeah yeah god oh god they found that in a in a drain yeah the girls have
stashed that in a dream and these lads have found it yeah so the burn book contain the scribblins
of teen girls things like Emily thinks Josh is fit Chloe is a slag things of that nature classic yeah
there was only one thing for it my husband a well put together individual as an adult might I add
took the bag and it james this house and in it I guess it because it's the only thing you can do
it's absolutely would never be my go to thing I don't understand men so he's he's
shot in the bag and he's going to go and put it back so that when they go back they get this
burn book the book isn't there and there's just a turd there no he's shit in the book oh wow has he
yeah with the bag in oh he took the bag into james' house and he did a shit in it with the book in
yeah he's not sure he was sure to shit in the book and he then put the bag back into the cover
and left it there for the girls to find the next time they went to write about Shannon Boehner bitch
etc he has no idea what came of the bag or the discovery of the bag but it's but is mildly haunted
by his actions yeah I personally think they deserve it and it's a pretty funny story well I've
got to once this guy I've got a side with well if he's listening mate I've got a sideways
slant of what could have actually happened here and the purr purr block from Northumbria water could
have had to come out to check and meet that and found the carry a bag with a book and some human
shit in it and probably quit that day I quit oh god Babadu Babadu Babadu Babadu Babadu Babadu
reversic nice this just says now it makes me moisture than an oyster then when my husband sorry sorry
sorry I like that a lot moisture than an oyster because oysters are typically very
moist very wet okay good god yeah nothing makes me oyster moisture than a
most of the no oyster than my husband where when he's capped backwards as he does DIY or a
cheapy pencil pop behind the ear why I really got changed to a cheat listen a limb biscuit back in
the day didn't you hello Rosy and Chris long time listen at first I'm email oh listen in your
episode where Rosy is talking about being on slop duty in primary school
yeah it's so funny it's because it's you it's you on slop duty it's so funny I thought it was
called it was literally called slop duty fantastic um it unlocked this memory of I had of when I was
in school oh school was mint man was it fork we didn't have a slop duty but we did have a water
monitor right right what yeah this was a pupil that stood between the two fountain two water
fountain we had in the cloak room slash bugs their job was to press the button to make the water come
out well you drank no I think we had this no way I genuinely think we might have had this I can't
why couldn't students press the button by themselves well because if I remember correctly
people take the piss right people would have just been at it for ages right just taking the
piss and messing on so they had to be like water on it as yeah source another right so another
kid in school got a decide how first do you work yeah basic perfect but they got a side
of you were you weren't perfect right no oh god the power the power you've had enough now yeah
fucking haven't you have you've had enough well listen so if you had had a squabble or didn't get
on too well with whoever's turn it would happen to be that day they just wouldn't press it so you
couldn't get a drink and their mates would get more than the 10 seconds allocated 10 seconds teachers
didn't give a shit and the water monitor has had all the power in this situation that's
fucking unbelievable oh how did you get kidney stones oh because the water monitor wouldn't let
us drink water it wouldn't press the button press the button myself got me face by the way the
amount of drinks that we make for our kids I don't remember drink this is on Instagram so much
but it's so true I don't remember drinking when I was a kid I take water with us everywhere now
like I'm gonna fucking dry up what actually and if I don't have a headache and I'm like Jesus
I don't don't remember ever drinking at all do you now now I remember the first time I've
not told you about this the first time it was a lot called if I've said this on the podcast
I apologize there's a lot called John and he was in my French class and I remember we sorry
Jean that calls Jean it usually be friend class who's from shields he had I'll never forget it
it was a bottle of Evian on the desk next to us and I remember going what you're doing
and he was like oh yeah and I was like what you're not allowed that and you went you are you
went you're allowed to drink there and the teacher went can you get that off the desk and he went
I'm allowed a bottle of water like it from the duck there you know what it was like yeah I was
like I'm like I'm sorry all right it's the first time but then like uni and everything
so it's fucking you bottles water and the god knows what they're doing now they're probably
got fucking backpacks on the straws where you just constantly like a fucking starfish the only
drinks I remember at school was the milk obviously and uh you didn't get you said dinner time
no remember sometimes it would be your treat and it'd be juice and you'd be like this juice really
remember and my primary I do remember that I brought a corner I been erin of course he did
oh you had a pack lunch didn't you pat lunch you can't arrive you now of course every day you had
a ribina yeah bad in it so we're milk in the morning then a corner I been at and then
literally fuck all until god knows drinking bath water later on you're either drink the only
other drink I remember drinking is the little cartons of the juice that you didn't use the straw you
bit the bottom oh yeah yeah yeah bite the bottom squeeze it if you're only other drink I remember
this partner about two um water fountains next to each other has unlocked a memory of something
I called told me the other day that I completely forgot about right do you know Carl wants I don't
so mean Carl went to school is it about school no no so Carl for some reason right one of
his favorite things to do is just remember times in the past where he's been a asshole and laugh
about the great his favorite thing do you all want he said he was in it was either Manchester
on Newcastle and he had he had his business cards bank card and he's personal bank card and he
went up to the cash machines and there was two cash machines next to each other and he put the
personal in one and the business and the other and he was going between the two cash machines
checking his balance and there's a weekend for the party there's a bloke I a bloke turned up
to use other cash machines and Carl was jump between two of them like a fucking DJ right
that's horrible turn around and this vlog just went mate
that is all I'm sorry sorry I'll be I'll already be one minute
that's all I've got to just fucking unbelievable I miss cash machines
I haven't been one for a long time I used to cash machine
I need that mad isn't it oh do miss do miss a cut I tell a lie I use the one across the road from
the pulpit don't lie I actually got a shock
Babadou Babadou Babadou bath really quickly hello I was listening to the reverse
egg episode and thought of a random surprise and reverse egg the first time I saw my boyfriend
making dinner for us he got a garlic bulb out the fridge and it wasn't it he crushed it with the
heel of his hand against the chopper to separate the clothes very surprised and turn on
easily please but I think I you would cock that up I'd hurt me hand you would go good you'd
look away I would do it you would hear a shout oh you'd look away you'd look back and I have a
bandage on I'd have a bandage on and I'd be knocking the beans Carl Paul I go I've hurt me
oh god good although like Jamie Oliver and that you see them do it to put the knife
to put the the side of a big knife out and the bang it like that that's pretty cool yeah
you should mount Jamie Oliver shouldn't be all on the subject of reverse x I wrote down a
couple of reverse x from a guy we work with called Jack who does the the film and what we do
with this enormous um he told me to reverse x the other day the first one is really I get it
is it about girls a second little turn on about with girlfriend okay I really get the first one
the second one just made us feel a bit sad for him and the first one is uh when my girlfriend
strokes the back of me head while I'm driving so we drive along and Chalena cross on to just touch
the back he's head and the back he's neck we used to do this stuff like that we didn't we're now I'm
like don't fuck a touch as I'm concentrating when does it oh god oh shit when you have kids
next question yeah this one this one so that first one makes you nostalgic really happy about this
this next one is just it's just it's essentially a basic human right um reversic when my girlfriend
brings me a water as well as getting a self one oh that's sweet though I mean just bring
them a fucking water I know but it is sweet it's not on water I'm on it I should be cracking
them out with a bit stronger she's enough to I suppose yeah well there we go yeah from
sexy to just servitude that's marriage thank you so much for listening and watching this
video show yes thank you so much and as always if you want to get in touch it's shag mode
you know gmail dot com send us whatever you want we will keep you anonymous and if you want
to send a voice no in if anything at all it is zero seven eight seven four four zero six six
five zero big love bye bye spring just slid into your DMs grab that boho look for that rooftop
dinner those sandals that can keep up with you and hangs some string lights to give your patio a glow
up springs calling Ross work your magic the UPS store is making packing and shipping Easter gifts
quicker than ever this year with UPS 8 how quick quicker than a walk around the park quicker than
eating all the Easter candies quicker than finding a golden egg that you know is stuffed with cash
when you ship UPS air at the UPS store your items arrive on time or your money back guaranteed
at no extra cost exclusively at the UPS store U.S. retail locations send Easter jewel on time at
the UPS store visit the UPS store dot com slash air guarantee for full details trends and conditions
Sh**ged Married Annoyed


