A Wedding Day Dilemma

0:00Now why'd you play this song when Dr. Steve came in? I don't know if that's appropriate. Because it has the calm. We have to start. There's an rotation. Riders on the storm. My goodness. Start with a call, babe. We have to be called when we get over to cash. Dr. Steve Craig, the president of Craig Consultant Group and Craig Counseling Services. Good morning to you. Good morning. All right. What have you brought us today? Dr. Steve, my fiance and I are going to be married next summer. And we are now finalizing the invite list. But she has a major issue with my sisters on and off, but mostly on boyfriend. Because he drinks too much, says obnoxious things and is allowed mouth. That might be Chris. No, no, no, no. Oh, God. He has been sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. He has been very rude at a few of the recent family events and she is afraid he is going to ruin her big day and is insisting he not come. Her mother, her sisters, her friends, and I all agree that he should not come because this is the bride's day and we can't have him ruining the big day.

1:00But my sister would be devastated and she might not come then. She's my only sister and I would be very upset if she wasn't there. So how do I trump my fiance's wishes? Do I trump my fiance's wishes and allow him to come with her? So I can have my sister be there. But you know, or do I just exclude him and go with my tune to be wife's wishes? And if I'm going to do that, what do I say to my sister? Well, to me, you know, your future wife's comfort and trust come first on the wedding day. I mean, I just think you tell your sister, you're like, hey sis, love you. It would mean a lot to have you there. But you know, because of your dues, behavior and past family events. And you know, we're just not comfortable with inviting him. You know, and I'm not punishing you by saying this. I'm just letting you know, this is how I feel. And it's really about protecting the piece of that day. That's a special day. It's a special day. Now, you know, I hope you understand.

2:01I hope you still come. I want you there. I love you. But I just don't want to. I'm not going to destroy the day because of him. All right, Jamie. I think you kind of do what Lloyd said, but you say he can come. He's just on a short leash. And everybody talks about it and communicates what the issues are. And if something goes awry, then you have some big burly, like security guard kick him out. Groundsman. I don't know. I don't know. I, uh, yeah, I can tell you when I got married, there were people that came that I didn't particularly long there. And then at some point, like you don't see those people. Like you don't, you don't interact with those people. You don't even remember half of your wedding. You're running around, well, talking to everybody. Unless that obnoxious person gets up, not just starts acting crazy at that reception. Yeah, I think I think the message here is like, he can't get crazy.

3:02It's flat out. He can come, but he can't get crazy. All right. No one of the cool things in my job is I get to see the future. Not because I invited to a lot of wet. Not because I have you a professional because I'm some profit. But what happens is this couple could be in my office at nine in the morning, but them 20 years ago, who had to make this decision and 30 years and four years are in my office at 11 o'clock and 12. So I see people who had to make the same decision. What happens? I get to see. And what, you know, we did something like this a while ago, which was I talked about the ghosts. You know, we, we have to try not to live with ghosts that the things that keep reminding us. And what happens is that the people who had, you know, boyfriend, Louie come and make a scene. They can get over the conflict. Ah, he came. He was an idiot. He did whatever they didn't like it, but they get over it.

4:02But you can't get over the fact that if she ends up marrying this guy and for 30 years, there's an a thorn in every one side because you didn't invite me to your wedding. Like we can get pat. If he comes and he makes a scene, he makes a scene. You actually get over that. You can't get over the other stuff. But, but I think it's based on something that I think we, we have to question two. It's, yes, it's the brides day. And we like to say it's 100% the brides day, but it's not 100%. Yes, it's really close. It's her big day. I'm not trying to say it's 50, 50 or something. Right. But nothing is 100%. Nothing is. I mean, I could this weekend, I could play golf, watch the lines, game, play pickleball, goof around my friends, but I still have responsibilities to other people in my life. And that's because I have relationships. And I can't just say some days it's 100% about me. And so while your wedding is important,

5:03it's an important day to you. It's also an important day to other people. So it's not 100%. And if I, and so the way you, everything you handle reveals so much about you, everything you do. And if you don't want the message to be, it's 100% about me and everyone else's feelings be damned. I'm just disregarding them. And that's the problem that people deal with for the next 30 years is that you didn't care about my feelings. I loved Bob and you wouldn't, and now I'm married to him. You can't disregard other people's feelings. Your message should never be. Sometimes it's 100 and 80% about me and zero about you. Right. That's the problem here is that that's what they're falling prey to. So but you can say, like you guys said, I would say to the sister, whoever is important to you is who I want you to bring because you're my sister and what's important, you know, you're part of this family.

6:04But we need you to manage it. Okay, because it's also our wedding and he has a history of doing these things. So I'm specifically going to give her that responsibility. I want you there and I want you there with whoever's important to you. But you owe, you have responsibility to me to handle it. He gets out of control. He's out of here. Yeah. And handle it because I'm not letting him ruin the day. But I'm also, you're important to so you're coming. Well, just like that's a better, that won't be, that won't be fought about for 30 years. Right. But couldn't that also flip to like a Sophie comes and he cuts up at the wedding. And now for 30 years every time I see my sister like, you know what? Jack, my wedding up man. And, you know, and exactly. But what I'm saying is, but we can get over that better. Okay. Because we do the sister we ever talk about it. And she would say, you're right. I tried to handle him. That's why I never married him. And you're right. I screwed that up. But I tried. We can get past that. We can't get past. You didn't come. You didn't, you didn't, I didn't invite you. My, my life, my long boyfriend, the love of my life

7:04wasn't invited to your wedding. And now I'm still mad at you. You can't get past that. Yeah. Jamie, so you get over the conflicts. So I was right. That's correct. I mean, did you guys have people your wedding that you didn't particularly care that they were there? Marie did. And I, I mean, all the people I had there. But Marie has some people that, you know, she didn't really care. To be there. Yeah. I mean, you're like life changes to people that were super important to you back then. Maybe aren't as much now. And now they're all over the wedding video. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had people, I had people like, why are they coming? Right. What, what, why? Right. And then I go, actually, I don't care. Whatever. But that makes the point is that they're not hunting you now. Oh. Because they came and even if they made a thing, we got over it. Yeah. No. And I just never interact. We said, hi, thanks. Right. And then you, I never saw them again. Nice gift that I would have. But if your sister really wanted someone to come and you didn't, she'd still be saying to you now, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

8:04Yeah. Yeah. You got to avoid the, the, the ghost. Because that's what I deal with. That's what happens in my office. I hear the ghosts from 20 and 30 years. So don't make a one day problem of 30 year. That's correct. All right. Very good. All right. Dr. Steve, we appreciate you as always. Thanks for popping in. Coming up on the other side, Tom. Jürger is going to join us. We'll get you caught up on the headlines. Tom's a historian at Lockmore. Terrible situation at the clubhouse there yesterday. We'll talk to him coming up at Sharemore. You