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You cannot improve what you refuse to accept. In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan break down the uncomfortable starting point of real self-improvement. Everyone wants growth, confidence, and better results, but far fewer people are willing to face the honest truths that make those outcomes possible. This conversation explores why self-awareness and acceptance sit at the foundation of personal development, leadership, and long-term progress.
When the ego protects comfort over truth, growth stalls. When reality becomes clear, better decisions follow. Press play and see what happens when denial quietly leaves the room.
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Episode Reference:
The Pyramid of The Self - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/16-how-build-your-best-self-from-ground-up-alan-lazaros-ya3oe/
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Track the Work. Earn the Results. To know more about the "Next Level Fitness Accountability Group," reach out.
Book Alan’s Business Breakthrough Session. Your first 30-minute coaching call is FREE. Learn how to prioritize success and let your quality of life become the byproduct. - https://calendly.com/alanlazaros/30-minute-breakthrough-session
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NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.
For more information, check out our website and socials using the links below. 👇
Website: http://www.nextleveluniverse.com
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Email:
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LinkedIn:
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/
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Show notes:
(4:21) Accepting the truth about who you are
(6:23) The psychological immune system and ego defense
(9:21) Why self-awareness is the hardest step
(11:18) Painful events that force real change
(15:15) Facing hard truths accelerates growth
(18:57) Responsibility that comes with acceptance
(20:23) Ego protection versus real progress
(23:44) Outro
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🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros
Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.
This journey has been absolutely brutal in many many many ways and I think one
of the things that I really had to do to get to where I am today is accept and
let go of things that I thought I was supposed to be that I never really was
supposed to be. I think a lot of self-improvement starts with not liking
something about yourself. That's where it starts but not where it should
finish. Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host Kevin Paul Mary and I'm
your co-host Alan Lazarus. At NLU we believe in a heart-driven but no BS
approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers. Our goal with every
episode is to help you level up your life love health and wealth. We bring you a
new episode every single day on topics like confidence self-belief self-worth
self-awareness relationships boundaries consistency habits and defining your
own unique version of success. Self-improvement in your pocket every day from
anywhere completely free. Welcome to Next Level University. Next level nation
today for episode number 2,364 acceptance is the first step. I got a great
question from somebody yesterday. I have a I have a local pizza shop okay right
within walking distance of the house. So last night we worked a little bit late
still doing Zah. No not lately. I haven't retired from the game fully you know
but I've been doing tuna salad and a turkey sub. That's been my that's been my
go-to cheat meal. I don't know you've kind of fucked up pizza for me I think I
don't know if I can ever really have it again. I still been hammering old-food
pizzas for sure. Oh okay. There was enough pizzas and 50 per pizza. Whole thing. Whole
pizza for 9.50 calories or food. Calories. Calories. I meant or dollars. 9.50 for a whole
thing. These are food. 9.50 points. 9.50 calories for the whole thing. Yeah. Yes. Yeah
man. Can hammer a whole pizza. Totally fine. I dig that. I can have two of those. Okay.
Question from somebody. This person said how did you slash how have you
gotten to the place where you're okay with and please the way this question is
worded it's not disrespectful it'll just sound like it. How have you gotten
comfortable with not being the one not being the leader not being the guy
quote unquote. Someone had a pizza joint asked you that? No. No this is something else.
Yeah but what I was walking I was walking to get my pizza. Got it. And I
didn't tell those stories. You were telling 101. I interrupted myself and then
then you interrupted me and then I interrupted you and it was just we lost
the we lost it. Nice little walk though. A couple minutes down the street. It's
beautiful. So I love it. You can. So you got a WhatsApp message. I get a WhatsApp. No,
I got a personal message. A personal to my phone text message. Nice. Because my
number's out there in the world brother. You know what I mean? My number's out
there in the world. People text me. It's terrible. Okay. It's terrible. Not
really. Point. This person's awesome. Be playful. You know it's good. They
asked how did I get to the point where I am okay understanding that I'm not the
guy. Right. That was a big thing for me for a long time. I started the hyper
conscious podcast. I was the host of the hypercom. I needed that shit in the
beginning to to think that I was any level of valuable. And I sent a message
over. And I said, I think number one, you have to understand that you you bring
a certain unique value to any relationship you're in. But if you're always
comparing to the value the other person brings you never going to see your own
that's one. And then to I accepted that I wasn't supposed to be Alan. I accepted
that I was never going to be as extraordinary. That doesn't mean I can't chase
it forever. But I accepted that my natural tendencies, my who I am by nature,
is different than Alan. I should maximize that. But I don't I can't spend my
whole life trying to be Alan. I did that. And that wasn't good for either of us
just like you tried to have your own unique version of me. And that's not that's
not the way to do it. But I think the the answer to to kick it off today's
episode is you have to accept the truth. And you've witnessed this a lot
recently, whether you've been watching or listening like Alan has been hitting
me with some hard quote unquote feedback. But that's not hard for me. I we've
talked so honestly behind the scenes. And I think that's one of the reasons I
try to be as honest with myself as possible and accept what is truth. Because
at least then you can you can do something about it. I don't want to live
under delusion. I really don't I don't want to live under delusion because I've
done that before and it was terrible. Yeah, yeah. Because then it all comes
crashing down at once. Yeah. Not good. I didn't realize that I've been hitting
you with a lot of hard truths lately. What do you mean? You said I've on the show.
I've held you back. That was one. I got him listed written down. No. That was
one of the last episode you hit me with a couple. Like you're definitely
worse than I thought you were with that. Oh, I'm not saying that about you. You
were saying I know. I know. I know. But again, whether you're watching or listening
worse than I thought, but still better than you thought. Yeah, that doesn't
matter. I think me thinking you're better than you thought. I only care what
other people think about me, not what I think. Then you should go back to
ice. Don't worry about what I think about me. You let me figure that out. You
let me figure that out. This whole thing started out with acceptance. And I have
this pyramid of the self that I wrote an article on on LinkedIn a while back. I
think it's how to build yourself from the ground up. Yes. On my LinkedIn, if
anyone's curious, boom, we'll link in the show notes. I'll put it production
team. I'll put it in the show notes. All right. So the pyramid of the self
starts with self awareness, then self acceptance. So self awareness is
number one, which is hard because we have a psychological immune system that
protects us from painful truth. You've seen inception, right? I need to watch
it again. I a long time ago years. Exactly. You'll blow your mind the
second time. Now, now that you know what you know about the psychological
immune system, it's going to be it's really something, man. Seriously, it's
unbelievable. But anyways, so in that movie, if you've never seen inception, they
they go into someone subconscious and unconscious mind and they try to plant
an idea. It's called inception. Christopher Nolan, strong work. No, but that's
essentially what you're trying to do in coaching in a way. I was just on with a
new client. Shout out to you, Rafael. What's happening? I said, this is how my
coaching works. This is what I'm doing. Inputs outputs, but I drew it all out.
Tech, I said, have you ever seen inception? She said, yes. And I said, okay,
that's essentially what I'm doing. But I'm doing it with your consent. She said
perfect. Awesome. I said, I'm going to try to reprogram you for success. She said
awesome. Okay. And I'm going to do that by helping you think accurately about
yourself, others in the world. Cool. Whereas acceptance in this, I'm getting
there. Now her psychological immune system, aka her ego is going to come up. I used to
never do this. And when it happened, when you tell people in advance that something's
going to happen, and then it happens, it's less concerning. It's like, see, okay, we
knew we were going to ego bunk. Let's just take a minute. So I said, I'm going to
trigger you at times. And your psychological immune system is going to want to say,
fuck you to me. It's going to no matter what it always will. Now, I want you to
when that happens, because it's going to happen, I want you to sit with it. And let's
talk it out. The psychological immune system protects you from facing the truth. So what's
an example of this that I think is good. Okay, this is one that everyone can relate to.
When you're getting a little fat, your psychological immune system tries to convince you you're
not getting fat. You and I protect each other from that by you saying, Ellen, brother,
getting a little fat, but you know, I want to hear that, right? Because I don't want
to dilute myself into thinking I'm something I'm not, because then you step on stage and
get laughed off the stage metaphorically. Okay. So all that being said, self-awareness is
step one, but that's the hardest step. It's easy to say, hey, did you know that my town
we grew up in has only 14,000 people in it? Okay. There's no, oh, my ego. Oh, no, I thought
that I grew up in a big town. Like, but if I say, hey, Kav, you're getting a little fat,
that's an attack. Okay. I don't think you are. I'm just, this is hypothetical. Okay. But
I did at one point and I came at you slightly, but your ego comes up to defend against protecting
its self from itself and from other people. Okay. Now, that being said, self-awareness is
the hardest part. So you can't self-accept if you're not self-aware. So it took me a long
time to realize certain truths about myself that were statistically abnormal. I had to get
a lot of evidence. So coaching 29 people now, I have a lot of evidence that I'm weird. In
the past, if someone called me weird, I would be like, what do you mean? I'm normal as shit. I
didn't say that, but I wouldn't know what they meant. And I wouldn't trust them either.
Because like, what do you mean? I'm weird. Like, you're fucking weird. I'm joking. Obviously.
All right. So my point of this is, you basically, your mind is set up to avoid pain that it
thinks is going to be detrimental to your progress. This is from an evolutionary perspective. All right.
So self-acceptance. If you are getting fat, it's going to be very hard for you to notice until
you post that photo on Facebook and realize holy crap, or you take a photo with the iPhone with
the wrong light. And it's just like, oh my god, you're wearing white. The next of a hope
foundation every time those shirts, dark blue, baby. Yeah, brutal shirts. But at the end of the day,
wouldn't you rather see that you're getting overweight and then do something about it?
But your ego protects you from that. So everyone right now think of someone who
you can't give them a lick of truth about themselves. They just can't face any hard truth about
themselves. They're basically in so much unconscious and subconscious pain that they have a huge ego
protecting them from the truth. And unfortunately, that's why usually death of a loved one,
death of a pet, car accident, big traumas, suicidal ideation, you in your mid-20s,
those those ego deaths are necessary for you to face all of what is except it and then rebuild
from a new foundation. It's so hard to do to your point like, I don't know, you just don't wake
up one day and say, you know what? I'm really going to become super self-aware and then I'm really
going to practice self-acceptance and I'm going to really get my shit together. The training
montage is always after something. Always after they have not devastating something. Right?
After they lose the game or whatever. They don't just like they get left by the girl or
what? Yeah, or the guy. The movie never starts that way. Never starts that way. So that makes
it super hard. But I think this is the other thing too. What have you had to accept about yourself?
Oh my god, you didn't want to. I went to I went to the golf simulator with Matt recently
and it's just like it's just a stud. The dude is just a stud. Yeah, for sure. And it's like,
I'm never going to be mad. I've been in the bar with Matt. It's not a good experience.
You know, it's hard to win. It's hard to win that it's you're not going to win. I'm not going to
win. Right? Like you have a shot at least. Yeah. That like, dude, I want to be six two and have
a full beard. Of course I do. But I think that's the thing that a lot of people get stuck on. They're
like, no, I don't fucking want that. I know. That's dumb. Oh, really? You don't want to be
you don't want to be a fucking stud. I do. Yeah. I do. I want to be a stud. I want to be six to
I want to look like Thor. Who does that? For sure. Jesus. Who does want to look like Thor? For sure.
Or Superman or whatever. So that I think, I don't know. I feel like I got dealt a shit hand
when it comes to being five foot five. I do. Statistically, you did. I kind of did. Yeah. You
got dealt a shit hand with that. What percent of men are five foot five or lower? Believe
the average height is five eight. So you got to say less than I got a new P code. It was it's not
expensive. I think it was like ninety seven dollars. And when I got it, I'm two 10 now. And I put
it on it. I couldn't move. And immediately it's like, did you check where it was manufactured?
And I was like, no, you think I had time to check where it was manufactured? So again, I don't want
this to come off wrong. She said, Ellen, when thing when when clothes are popular in Asia,
they're going to be smaller. Like Asian men's statistically speaking are smaller. And I was like,
that makes perfect sense. Now, I know I just made myself sound like an idiot right there by
not thinking of that. The truth is, I just saw it. I wanted to get I needed a new coat. It was
quick boom. So I am donating to you. I don't mean there's to be be a little. I'm not kidding. I'm
not kidding. Yeah, I have a coat for you in my in my basement. I'm gonna give it to you next time
we see each other, which will be it next of all, but I don't own a coat. It's a P code. It's nice.
It wasn't that expensive, but it's nice. Moving on up. So yeah, I've had to let I mean that.
I've had to let that go. One of the like the hardest thing in the beginning is when you and I
go somewhere, it's like you're always going to get the attention. Yeah, but you can capture a
room. But nobody's going to remember me. They're not going to remember me like they, if I can get
in and I can make people laugh and I can make people feel good, they can remember me, but you're
not going to remember me if I walk by. I had to let go of that. And I think the hard part is,
there's so many people that try to save you from that. Like, no, Kev, that's not true. It is
statistically true. I'm not saying that I'm, I'm married to a gorgeous wife. Awesome.
It all worked out. I'm not saying that things are terrible. I'm not saying that. But like,
there are some things I'm not going to dunk a basketball. I'm not
that. Do you think that the people that try to save you from that truth? Those truths are also
denying their truths? Probably to a degree slash they don't understand how
comfortable for a lack of better phrasing. I've gotten with it.
No, I'm not, I'm not comfortable by choice, but you, you have to, right? If you really want
the truth, you have to get to a place where eventually, well, why that matters. This is so good.
Because dude, one of the, I've thought about this a lot. I'm always thinking like, how did he
do this? Like study, I'm not studying thinking, contemplating. Because,
well, let me just be very, when we were in high school, you know, I graduated near the top of
my class, like blah, blah, blah. I wouldn't have been on Kevin Ball-Merry. And I'm not trying to be
mean. If that, you weren't like, I thought you were very athletic, I thought you were jacked, but
I never saw you as like destined for success. Now, there's a couple people in our class that I
definitely did, right? I can name some names. You would recognize them. Yeah, they're destined for
success. For sure. Okay. You weren't on the list with love. Okay. And I know people like, well,
Alan, what a dick. Why is that mean? Why can't I just say a lick of truth? Like, well, because
where you on the list, do you think you were on the list? If they didn't accept it yet, then
that same thing, if they didn't accept it in themselves, maybe they're trying to save me from it.
And again, that's the truth I want. I want the truth. Yeah. Okay. Well, well, okay.
What I was thinking about recently was, how did you do this? And one of the ways is truth.
You really don't avoid uncomfortable truths. It's been really refreshing.
But I coached a lot of people, whatever, it's very, your ability to face hard truths is higher
than most for certain. I'm certain. 100% certain, not the highest I've ever seen, but statistically
top 1% for sure. Like people don't like to think they're fat. You know, I mean, dude, if you were fat,
when you got fat, you immediately were like, yeah, I'm fucking fat.
Big, but it's because I know I can do something about it. No, it isn't. You still would own it.
And what if you know you can do something about it because you admit it? That's fair connected.
What I would say though, this is like the unsung hero for me is I've always been jacked.
And like, I know how trivial and like, that's a running joke we have, but you have to understand
that gave me like so much comfort for lack of better phrasing. Like I almost was always in the best
shape in almost every room I was in all the time until I started bodybuilding. I was like, oh my
God, these people are super humans. I am, I am nothing compared to these people. This is
absolutely, it's a different world. This is absolutely terrible for anyone out there watching
or listening. What I hope lands in this episode in particular is the value of facing that you get
something back. You get something when you face a hard truth. Yes, yeah. What you get back is the
ability to respond, the responsibility. So if you admit you're short, now you get to go, okay,
that's true. Women statistically don't want short men. Totally true. Anyone who denies that is
wrong, okay? Ask, I've interviewed, ask, it is what it is. Okay. Now, you have something you can
do about it. See, if you don't admit that truth, you're not going to increase and put time and
effort into the other areas that are more important that are also important to women, right? Obviously,
short is negotiable for Taran. That's great. But you had to work on other parts of your character
to make sure you were of value. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I, like I said,
I was a loser pre-pubescent. Sister was popular in high school. I got pity dances. I know what it's
like to have no value to the opposite sex. Seriously, I went from backstreet boy to complete little boy
while everyone else became a grown ass man. Okay, I'm 37. I still barely have facial hair. The point
that I'm making though is when you face hard truths, you now, you can build from a place, you can
make effective choices, you can accept it and work on it. Why would you, and this is what I would say,
why would someone work on something they didn't first accept as true?
You know what I think really matters? It closes the loop. It closes the loop on it.
We all have these things that, to your point, you're just not allowed to talk about.
No, so taboo. This part, they get a drinking problem. Don't fucking say anything. It's going to make
it weird. That's because they haven't admitted it yet. But if they admitted it, that might,
that conversation might be able to be out on the table. But what happens is everyone tiptoes
around that elephant in the room and then they never face it. But it's because they're never forced
to face it. But who's job is it to get them to face it? I know, responsibility is it. Yeah,
right? That's, I don't like to tiptoe around, because if you really care about someone,
you try to say, hey, like when I was drinking too much and too often, I had a couple people
who were like, hey, man, are you okay? Like, is everything good? And of course, I was like, I'm fine.
Totally fine. Of course, I wasn't ready. Right? There's an readiness thing here. But
there's something to be said for facing hard truths about life and yourself in advance
that makes you more equipped for success. That, 100%. If you and I are getting out of shape,
we need to notice it and rectify it or accept it. And I don't think that, I think that that's
what the ego does. It's this weird double edged sword where the ego protects you from hard truth,
but it also stops you from facing what could actually transform your goddamn life. That's why
the car accident changed my life is because all hard truth at once was traumatic, but it also helped
me create the foundation to rebuild my life from because all the identity, all the I'm this on that
was all gone. It was like a fresh start in a way of like, okay, I really have messed up my life.
I'm not proud of who I've become as a man. And I need to change that. And unfortunately,
sometimes it takes that kind of feedback to change things. And I think that, I don't know if you
can manufacture that in a podcast, but I do know that no one's gonna raise their hand and say,
I don't have a growth mindset. Who here is healthy, wealthy and in love? Who here is not gonna raise
their hand to that? Who here is on point? Who here is dialed in? I was on with a call earlier.
I said, where are you sucking? She's like everywhere. I said, no, no, specifically. And first of all,
definitely not. That's the irony. She's probably awesome. And she's like, I suck everywhere. And then
someone who's actually sucking is like, nowhere, I'm the fucking man. No, you're not. Have you seen a
mirror? What are we doing here? I want to see people win. I know I sound like a dick. You've got to
face the hard truth because it's going to help you. Not because I want to be toxic, not because I
want to be mean, but because it's going to help you. I thanked you for calling me out because
I, you were right. I was a little delusional. You got to pop the balloon while it's small. Otherwise,
it's going to devastate you. Well, that I think the, the hard part is the bigger the balloon,
the more pain it takes to be willing to pop it. Yeah. Unfortunately, I think we should do part two
on this, like therapist, a coach, whatever. You need something. You need something. I think we should
do a part two on this because I think I'd like to dive deep into what the journey of this has been
because I don't know. There's got to be lessons in there that I don't know yet. For sure. And I'm
always like, I'm always trying to figure out how to accept more. Same. Always, always, always. We'll
do a part two. Let's do a part two on this. All right. Next level fitness accountability group.
If you're trying to get jacked, whatever jack means to you, you want to be consistent for the first
time. Maybe when it comes to fitness, a new routine, whatever diet exercise, whatever it is,
we are there to support you. It's an amazing group of super supportive people. Everybody in there
is freaking awesome. So reach out to Alan or myself if you are interested.
The first step to self improvement is actually self awareness and self acceptance.
If you're really great, you have to accept that. And maybe people don't like you. And it's
hard to get along with people or belong. Or maybe you don't believe in yourself and you have to
accept that too. So if you want a coach who's going to be very honest with you and upfront with
you to help you not to hurt you, my coaching is available. It's more affordable than you think. I
love it, particularly with the right people. But if you have a huge ego, I'm not interested at all.
Don't even consider it. As always, we love you. We appreciate you.
grateful for each and every one of you. And if you are as committed as you say you are to getting
to the next level, make sure to tune in tomorrow because we will be here every single day to help
you get there. Keep leveling up to reach your full potential. Next elimination.
Thanks for joining us for another episode of next level university. We love connecting with the
next level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to
us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes. Thank you again and
we will talk to you tomorrow.
