Alex’s diabolical airport act & Matt puts his relationship to the test...again

A listener, production.

There is no way I could have enjoyed any use sip of those beers.

I still would have struggled feeling.

Hello, hello, all righty.

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Click on the button with the picture of the microphone.

Well, if you're tuning in to this little Wednesday episode

and wondering what's that sound in the background

of the Matt and Alex podcast?

That is the deep, delectable sound of eye contact,

dear friend, because Matt and I are looking each other

in the eyes here in the same room,

overlooking the beautiful bridges of Brisbane.

It's good stuff, Matt.

I haven't stared at you in the eyes

this much for a long time.

There was an exercise in maths

where I think they had to stare at each other

in the eyes for three minutes.

Geez, we would not make it.

It would be the end of our careers together.

I don't know.

I was so not pixelated.

Well, it used to that through the screens.

It used to be a 10 second lag,

thanks to the internet drag or whatever it's called.

Yeah, a bit of buffering, a bit of ping.

Maybe we can get a bit of ping.

But I hope you are feeling very, very good today

that you don't have a little bit of early morning ping.

I just overheard you telling a story to what of you are.

I don't know if we can relay the story.

Your work compatriots.

Yes, yes, I met my friend from here at Listener

and I went to the football on Sunday.

People were wondering what your red hat was.

Fins up, oh yes, some people thought I was wearing a mega hat.

They did.

The dolphins did too.

Oh, and a bronze was like, oh my god,

you're wearing a mega hat.

But that's only because you had done

that Penny Wog parody on Monday.

And I'm in the shot and bronze like, hey,

I thought it was a mega hat.

We're in trouble for a little bit there.

Or why?

Is there something wrong with a mega bro?

Is there anything wrong with wanting America to be great?

Should we talk about the manosphere in this episode?

No, I haven't watched it yet.

I need to watch it.

We'll get to that.

No, we've got to watch our own care.

I want to watch it.

I'll talk about it.

Then you can watch it and talk about it.

But what if I want to do a parody on it?

Well, then you can do that on Monday.

Bron and I have watched, well, I've watched bits.

Okay.

Can we all agree on this?

You listen to your part of this.

Let's agree.

Let's start the episode.

And then we'll finish Matt's story.

I've got a story.

And then if we get time, we can go manosphere.

Yeah, okay.

So Santa, right?

You're going to push it out so that we don't have time.

Fine, it's Matt and Alex all day breakfast.

I hope you're doing well.

Let's get this show on the road.

Let's go.

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

Okay, so point of view, you are me standing watching Matt talk

to another person he went to the football with.

And they asked, oh, so did you pull up stuff?

So did you end up going to the casino with those other guys?

And Matt's like, oh, no, but actually,

I'm glad I didn't go with these guys to the casino.

Because what happened, mate?

Well, look, so one of the guys went to the casino.

And to be fair, that it was not a big night.

Dolphins had a win, didn't they?

Dolphins, it was such a ripping game, by the way.

Love, like, final minutes try.

And so we sort of said goodbye at the doors of the stadium.

And they were like, well, we're going to the go to the casino.

And we were like, oh, you know, you know,

you know, like, well, I should be, but nah,

let's just go home and be sensible.

Sensible Sunday legends.

So then I messaged my friend and said, hey, you know, did you win big?

And he said, he said, was home by 10 p.m.

But was having a shower at five o'clock the next morning.

Because he had to work a Sunday night casino

into a five a.m. start on a Monday.

That is, I don't want to out.

Anyone here, by the way, because I don't know where those dimensions

yet, but I don't know what happens next is pretty descriptive.

This person, they said they're having a shower at five,

30 in the morning, you know, getting ready to go to work,

felt a bit faint.

It was like, what's going on?

Suddenly, wakes up on the floor of the shower,

smashed lip, chipped tooth.

Oh, the shower faint.

Yeah.

Oh, the five a.m. post casino shower.

Well, but it's not even the shower thing.

It's happened to a couple of people I know recently.

In the last year and a half, I know someone who just fainted

in their, like, sunroom, right?

Just like full face onto the toils, which is quite harrowing.

Then someone who fainted while in the toilet at four o'clock in the morning

in the middle of the night woke up on the ground.

And this particular, my friend, wait, I'm like, whoa.

Well, I have felt light headed into the shower before,

because sometimes I don't know about you.

I'd probably say about three percent of my showers.

I'll be like, no, what?

I feel like having a sit, not a sit down in the shower.

And then you're like, you're sitting down.

You turn up the temperature a little bit,

because the water takes a little bit longer to get down to you

and it cools down on the way down to you.

It does, you have to, you do have to turn it up a bit.

So you turn up a little bit and then it's nice and hot, nice and steamy.

But then when you stand up in a hot steamy room,

that is where the faintness starts coming into it.

Yeah, and then you're also having to deal with the suddenly hotter water.

Yes, yeah, you've got to remember to turn it down before you stand up.

Otherwise, like, oh, I didn't realize this was so hot.

I don't know if I've, yeah, I haven't done this down for a while,

but look, Alex, Tyson, we cannot be thankful that we'll RT through intact.

Sorry, my friend.

Surely I am sorry.

In this episode.

Otherwise, you'd be hearing us some, yeah, whistle a little bit.

No, it is good to be in the same room with you, Matt.

Just for a couple of days, for one of our part analysis,

Mum's birthday lives in Queensland, so visiting her.

But producer Brom was asking how my trip was,

and I was like, well, actually, it was primo.

Oh, don't tell me you got an upgrade.

Well, I did, but it was from a source you might not expect.

Annalise, as we're getting ready, she booked the flights.

She's like, oh, have you got your boarding pass yet?

I might know.

Why?

She's like, have a look.

And I downloaded my boarding pass, seat 1A.

Right at the pointy end of the plane there.

So angry.

And she was like, you know, I thought, maybe I'll do something nice for Alex.

Get him a little treat.

And then she downloaded her boarding pass, 29E.

No. She only gave us the one.

Getting the middle seat after a, like, favour like that.

Where is the comma gone?

It's nowhere because also, like, she was like,

oh, maybe we could leave for the airport at this time.

And I was like, yeah, okay.

I was like, it's a bit early.

And so I'm like, should we just wait a bit?

Like, we get that too early.

That's when the check your seat happened.

So she's like, I thought you could take me into the lounge.

Because business class people get in the airport lounge.

And I'm like, okay, sweet.

So we go up there.

I scan.

It doesn't say you can add a guest.

I say to the people, oh, can I bring a guest into the lounge?

Big business is like, no, just the business class travel.

I could actually get used to lounge.

You what?

So what?

So I have to say, I say goodbye to Adelaise.

No.

And it's only after my meal and drinky in the lounge.

But I walk outside and see her with a phone plugged into the walls,

speaking of sitting on the ground.

That's where she was sitting as I came out.

Saw her briefly before I could walk through priority boarding.

No, no, no, no, stop.

Please, please stop.

I'm getting, I'm having heart palpitations at the moment,

thinking about the damage you've just done to your relationship.

Bron.

What do you mean?

No, can we...

I didn't ask that any of this.

No, Bron.

I am me, I'm me, innocent bystander.

Please join this conversation.

To the, the, the niceness of my partner.

Are you joking?

This is exactly what happened.

So to get to Cleveland.

Oh, my God.

And I sit down on my plate and the guy's like,

nice to have you with us, sir.

Can I get you some bubbly?

I'm like, yes, you can.

Thank you.

Bron, where are you?

I'm here.

I...

Well, my first question, I didn't realize,

and Elise didn't get an upgrade, too.

I thought...

Well, I didn't realize it.

She did it completely in secret to the point where

I was like, why are we going to the airport this early?

Like, what's the point?

And she's like, I got you the business upgrade.

I wanted to do something nice for you.

I'm like, well, thank you.

I don't get to sit next to you now, but...

Fine.

The weaker after she put your socks on for you?

Oh, yeah, that was...

It was after a traditional women's day, wasn't it?

Oh, boy.

She probably bought those tickets on the 8th of March.

You know?

With hands that still felt like your bunions still cut up

from my big toe that's like shiv.

So wait, okay, can we just break this down?

She does something nice to you, absolutely.

And she's done something nice to you so that you can enjoy it.

Sure.

Okay.

What does it think?

Because I haven't been drinking since January 1st.

She's done this nice thing for me.

She's paid whatever it's cost.

She refused to tell me how much.

She said it wasn't too much, that's why I did it.

But she wouldn't tell me.

And I just felt obligated, well, I've got to drink as many beers in the lounge as I can

to try and make this worth it for Annelise.

There is no way I could have enjoyed any sip of those beers.

I still would have struggled feeling.

I wouldn't have enjoyed it for the team.

No, seriously.

Bronn, how are you letting Steve just waltz on into the lounge and leaving you?

The situation, Bronn, you're purchasing that business class to get for Steve.

Your partner.

I think Annelise is a bit nicer than I am.

I don't think I'd let him do the upgrade at me.

Right?

I find that quite shocking.

Well, she was like, I did it so you could sit at the seat and I'll use your

complimentary Wi-Fi because business people get complimentary Wi-Fi.

She goes, I know your last name, I know what seat you're in.

That's the password to get in the Wi-Fi.

I'll use it back in 29e whilst I'm elbowing the two people sitting next to me.

Is that why she got the seat, do you think?

Yeah, exactly.

So she better fit it as well.

So you get a bit of bejeweled in while you were living the high life.

Yeah.

I'm going to say something rather controversial.

For it.

Not worth it.

Wi-Fi on a plane.

Business class.

Unless it comes free.

Well, it was the like, it's probably like you bid for the upgrade.

No, no.

So you're trying not to pay too much for that.

I mean, and it really is.

It's only companies that tend to do it.

It does feel a little bit unnecessary.

I did have the Lebangrass chicken and-

Was it good?

It was pretty good.

Yeah.

But the problem is you've already had food at the lounge.

This is why it's like, don't give me the meal because I've just had a meal at the lounge.

And now I feel like I'm only eating it to not waste it.

Mm-hmm.

But to let your partners sit on the floor while you

waltz out of there like some sort of aristocrat.

Doing up your petticoat.

I'm sure.

I believe it's pronounced a wrist-a-rat.

Oh, yeah.

That's what it's.

Oh, it's nice.

And you're looking at it in the lounge.

Belly full of, you know, cheese.

Toasted sandwiches.

Yeah.

And Doritos.

Just popping it off that.

What am I meant to do in this situation?

Do I go, it's very nice for me to get me into this lounge access

and you pay money for that?

I am literally not going to use it and I'll come and sit on the ground with you.

Out on the, out on the thing.

Is that the best, is that what I should have done?

What if you just let her take your ticket?

There are plenty of girls called Alex.

She could have easily said, yeah, I'm Alex.

Alex Sandra Dyson.

And then just, I don't need to know a political scandal.

You know the pamphlets that will be hitting letterboxes

if I'm caught to be via fraud.

Allowing my partner to enter the business lounge.

Is that, is this what you're really going to hard find in this moment?

Your political integrity.

That's what your girlfriend is.

Is sitting on the floor of the airport.

I've got someone on the scandal, so.

At Pouquet International.

She's been there for 36 hours and you're out here stuffing your face with

camembert and cuss salad to save yourself from a political scandal.

Oh, was the helicopter ready for you, sir, when you wanted to jump on?

Yeah.

Mr. Bronwyn Bishop.

Jesus.

Honestly, you're outrageous.

Oh, my God.

Well, I'll tell you what, we are on different sides of the

relationship spectrum, my guy.

What's going on?

You're being a good boyfriend.

There's no business class flight coming my way.

I've got to tell you, not after the weekend.

What did you get up to?

What happened?

Well, it was so fear's seventh birthday.

We celebrated.

Yes.

Waddle, bottle, cake and all.

Yes, and, you know, so fear, I may have mentioned is a big,

great British Bake Off fan.

Oh, so she...

Did you...

A lot of action.

Critique.

Belinda's cake too harshly.

No, but she did draw her plans to give her the cake.

So, you know, like they'll break down whatever they're going to make in like a

little animation drawing and stuff.

Yeah.

And so, so fear's realised that that's the way to best

relay your image, the image that's in your head,

to the cake maker.

Right.

So, how is...

So, fear's artistic skills at the moment because

as Uncle Alex, to a few little babies around the place.

Yeah.

I got kids' pictures on my fridge and

I would struggle to recreate what those images were going for.

And so, fear is your daughter.

So, obviously, there's a bit of bias there.

I want, as impartial as you can.

Can you please honestly critique her artistic skills?

It's more problematic than I wish it was

in the sense that she came home with like a, like a tote bag

that was all like drawings of the family.

Also, the school did an initiative where it's like draw your family

and then they get printed onto a tote bag.

I remember at Warnable Primary School,

when I was in prep, we did that.

And we had a tea towel

and everyone had drawn a photo of themselves to be on the tea table.

Yeah, it was exactly similar to that.

And it's, you know, this is going to be

I'm outing myself here, but

so fear's true, the family and stuff.

And then, and I was like, oh, what's that little thing there in the corner?

And she was like, oh, that's Cooper's orange.

Cooper's orange.

Yeah, orange beer.

A Cooper's mild ale.

Oh, I was a kid in her class had a bit of citrus.

No, that's dad holding it.

Bro, parents will, kids will out you.

It's a Cooper's Benitric in the corner.

When I think of family, I think of this.

Oh, seriously, I was like, oh, dear.

Oh, because I was trying to read it.

I'm like, I'm like computer, comfy.

What is that?

Cooper. Oh, my God.

It's orange.

Cooper's beer.

Oh, duh.

Were you holding it?

It was your character holding that.

No, it was just, it was empty.

It was me putting the recycle bin overflowing beside the bed.

Whoa, that's a wake-up call.

So anyways, yeah, look.

So, Sophia's birthday.

So, she provided blended with the plans for the cake.

The architectural designs.

Yeah, because she didn't want it lying down.

She wanted it upright.

Yep.

Five stacked mini cakes.

Yeah, not like one of those jam scroll cakes

that would be a cylinder on its side.

No, no, no, no.

No way.

She would have tipped that on the floor and said,

and sent it back.

Yeah.

So, yeah, Sophia's given

a blend of the plans.

And Belinda has up until, you know, quite late.

And then the next morning, doing the icing process,

and that has just been its hold.

Yeah, you got to get it smooth.

And I don't know whether you could imagine

what I'm like in that process, but

unhelpful is probably the kind of right adjective.

Okay.

We're at the icing stage here,

and I'm thinking that a few choice comments

from the peanut gallery of eggs thrown out as to

how Belinda, who's been slaving away

this, could be doing it better.

No, that's the thing I would never.

Truly, I would never.

So, you went back there going,

actually, if you hollered it out

and put some blue jelly in there,

that'd be like there's actual water inside it.

I wasn't doing that.

I was doing the empty,

is there anything I can help you with?

Like, commentary.

Because truly, any involvement

would have been completely useless for me.

But at one point, she was like,

asking me to tip the cake on its side,

like a diagonal, like the leaning tower of pizza,

so that she could then sprinkle from a height,

these little sprinkly things.

To get it to stick to the side of a vertical water bottle.

Yeah, so she's like, please, tilt it,

tilt it not too much, not too much,

and I'm there going, there's nothing.

And she sprinkling it, but then, of course,

all these little hundreds and thousands

are pouring all over the counter.

And, you know, this is like,

we are already running to the party.

We're going to be like a republic bar

when we were doing the fairy shots.

Yeah, they're everywhere.

Sprinkles everywhere.

And so she's like, please help me out here,

help me out, and I'm holding it.

And then she's pouring sprinkles everywhere,

and we're running late by this stage.

So we're going to be late to our own party.

Oh, that's a very good book.

Yeah, that's starting to, you know,

play in her head, and she's like,

oh my god, okay, this is, that's just,

come on, can you please just

clean up the, like the sprinkles?

Yeah, I'll get the other stuff ready.

Yes.

Matter kind.

And it was a clean duty point,

which I believe she probably got frustrated at the idea that

in that moment, I then chose to

get a cup of orange.

It was when I stopped to taste the icing

with a big old finger dip from the bowl.

Yeah, but

knuckle deep in my mouth.

Yeah, she just looked at me,

and that's like, that was just,

mate, we've got a job to do here.

Are you insane?

You can't be like some cartoon wolf

who are pretty lady walks faster

than you get to try to travel.

Travels out.

Yeah, because I'm there going,

mmm.

Yeah, god.

And so when I say, when I say that, like I'm

shocked that you would just let your partner

sound the ground,

I think what I'm saying is

see you in the lounge.

Yeah.

Really, because I am,

my life is not proven that I'm any better than anyone.

Can we, um, ask you,

listening to do a favor for us?

Okay, because this week,

I mean, we're Wednesday,

it's the week's basically a write-off.

But next week,

could you maybe give us some suggestions

of how we could be better boyfriends?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

That's a good idea.

Because obviously our natural instincts

are not doing quite well.

In fact,

we need external help to

be a partner,

befitting of the lovely women we've been

able to coax,

to spend our lives with.

This will be the podcast that they play back.

The therapists,

when we're sitting in the opposite side.

It's going to get reconcileable differences.

We're saying,

we just came out of nowhere.

I was totally blindside of that.

Yeah, that's so good.

I'll say that's, yeah, that's fine.

Because we've got episode 2,000s.

1,244.

Full day breakfast.

Yeah, and that's to go with the other 1,243 of them,

which you've proven consistently.

Bronn has Steve done anything recently

that's really cooked your goat?

No, I think he's more like ballon and a lease

and I think I'm more like you guys.

One of us, one of us.

In the icing, yep, no, I hear you.

You would have just gone straight to the front of the plane.

Yeah, for sure.

I always get the nice seat at the restaurant.

Now, that is something I do do.

All right, that is where I do come to the table,

quite literally in this instance,

whenever we're at a cafe or getting coffee or at a restaurant,

I'll at least have the booth seat, she prefers it.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's just, that's a life rule.

But I'm trying to think of things that I've actually done recently

that stand out as nice things to do.

Yep.

Well, you got the supermarket flowers for Valentine's Day.

That was pretty nice.

Did I, I can't remember?

I thought I was going to and then I didn't,

because they all looked wilted.

Because it was the 15th.

No, I'm not totally awful.

No, you went to Ballon Art, to visit a family.

I bought her a cookie clock, little cookie clock.

She likes cookie clock.

Fantastic.

That's great.

Every hour,

cookie, cookie, wonderful.

Just reminding her of how crazy she is to be with me.

Hey, Belinda, you are cookie, cookie.

God, I don't realize you could still get cookie clocks.

Bro, that, I mean, it was, there's a cookie clock shop in mountain

number three.

Absolutely, not a cookie clock shop.

It's a cookie clock shop, but in the whole thing,

you're in there going and just like t wander, t wander.

Yeah, like the whole day.

It's like.

If, you're, you're thinking of some Willy Wonka factory,

not an actual human 2026 shop.

I'm telling you, it's, it's used to be into one where they moved

in the 90's to Mount Ammarine.

Because it was a hyusa ban for cookies,

It's an Wrestling game.

Cookie clock shop.

Okay.

I'm going to have to text down Apais this one.

I'm going to be a home like, can we go there

while I'm in Queensland?

Oh, yeah, you're just down the road.

I mean, it's, like down the road.

It's quite a bit up the hill,

Not down the road at all. It's up a big hill. Maybe we could go and investigate the cook. Yeah, get some audio

Literally just noise throughout the entire story. Oh, it would be one of those things that would drive you insane

Unless you had a deep love for the cookoo

They are going all day

And like I'm talking a hundreds of them like wall to wall of clocks. Who's buying them?

More me for Belinda cookoo clock shop

Yeah, dude, I don't understand. I'm wearing mountain. Yes. I just said all this the German cookoo clock nest is

Yeah, and you drove out there. Oh my god. They've got the bush kittles as well

Bro, it's like stepping back in time

winding the wheels back on your on your cookoo clock

So anyways, you're right. Okay, please help us. We obviously need help. I need help send ideas

And you know, it's gonna be awesome is the fact that Belinda listens to this podcast and is gonna hear me begging for help

Yeah, I mean

Yeah, when I do something should be like yeah, I know you did that. That was everything your idea

At smarty Paul's idea or whatever

All right, well, we'll see how we go. We've run out of time for the manus fear chat

Well, well, well

If it isn't Alex's plan all along

Apparently we've run out of time for the manus fear chat. Yes, get time to go watch it tonight

Yeah, you better. Yeah, see what we go. It's been quite controversial. So let's let's put a pen in it

Shall we in the meantime? Please let us know how we can be better better boyfriends please like quite seriously

Yeah, I can probably pretty much guarantee it's not by emulating anyone on the manus fear documentary

Thank you very much to joining another episode of Matt and Alex all day breakfast

We will see you tomorrow. Same time same place in the meantime. Keep in touch with us at Matt's on end of Alex