Are jeans the best pants? And is food delivery easier than ever?

Jacqueline Furlin-Smith, a 40-year-old former Canadian military trainer, moves to Costa Rica to follow her dreams,

but in the summer of 2021, vanishes without a trace.

How can a woman just go missing and us put out all that effort to find her?

And she's still missing.

I'm David Rigen and this is someone knows something season 10, the Jacqueline Furlin-Smith case.

Available now on CBC Listen and wherever you get your podcasts.

This is a CBC Podcast.

She can't enough, we're playing it best and furious from the Winnipeg Comedy Fest!

It's the debater!

The innovators wear comedians fight with facts and funny, and this audience picks the winner.

Now here's a man who jests at all the best fest!

Patterson!

Yeah! Thanks, brother!

Great Clark, everybody!

Oh, hello there, everyone!

It is great to be back in the bosom of Winnipeg, a town that is a botanist's dream.

Yep!

There's the Winnipeg botanist.

Winnipeg is home to a large indoor botanical garden called The Leaf.

Now you know what I'm talking about.

For only a few nights each year, it's host to The Leaf After Dark.

Adults only nights.

Steamy, exotic!

There are charcuterie boards and wine.

It's basically like date night in the Garden of Eden.

Don't get tempted to take off your clothes and go all Adam and Eve

because that fig leaf could be poison ivy.

Also, keep an eye out on your ribs, fellas!

Now it's time to meet two debaters who are the apples of our eye.

This comic is one of Canadian comedies, brightest lights.

It's this hour has 22-minute star Stacey McGonagall!

Hi, Stacey! Welcome back!

Stacey McGonagall!

Hello!

Hey, huh?

Hi!

This nice?

So nice, so loud, so funny!

And this comic will travel many miles for a laugh.

It's Victoria's Miles Anderson!

Come on out, Miles!

There he is.

Returning again for us.

Welcome back, my friend.

Nice to be here.

Your topic is so unruly, we might need a Wrangler.

Jeans!

Are they the best pants?

See?

Some people already formed their opinion.

Everyone here, I think, knows the term Canadian tuxedo.

Denim on top, Denim on the bottom.

But few might know it's origin.

In 1951, famous crooner Bing Crosby wanted to rent a room at the Hotel Vancouver

but was refused because he was wearing jeans.

Levi's jeans heard about this and presented Bing with a custom denim tuxedo jacket.

And Bing-Bang Boom!

The Canadian tuxedo was born!

Too short!

Fortunately, for everyone, it wasn't Marilyn Monroe, who was refused admission.

Otherwise, we'd be wearing denim corsets.

Which are uncomfortable.

It's not important how I know that.

Time now for a debate that will have you saying, oh, gosh!

So, whereas their long-lasting can be worn for a variety of occasions

and come in countless styles and cuts, be it resolved that jeans are the best pants.

Stacy, you are arguing for this, please.

You have two minutes.

Starting now, Stacy McGonagall.

Thank you.

I love jeans.

They are truly the perfect fashion item for today.

Made for men, by men, controlling and restricting to women.

Oh, I mean.

How much more current and relevant could they get?

So fab, so fashion, so fascist, I love it!

What more could you want from a pants?

The woman's jean was created out of leftover floor scraps.

How economical!

Every time I put on my jeans and frantically feel around for any working pocket,

I'm reminded that I'm just saving the environment, ladies.

Thank you, Levi Strauss, for making me a better woman.

I love being a size 12 at H&M, a 14 at Banana Republic, and a six at Zara.

Oh!

The jean keeps me on my toes, and I love the distraction.

Who wants to focus on the fact that women's rights are being ripped from us faster than the crotch of my 501s?

In a world where men decide what I can or cannot do with my body,

it's nice to know that the jeans make me feel like I have a choice.

Mid-rise, straight leg, boot cut, wide cut, wide leg, low-rise, 90s wedgie, girlfriend jean,

boyfriend jean, mommy jean, daddy jean.

Oh, the possibilities are endless.

When I feel all is lost, I can always count on jeans to be there for me.

Always finding the time to give me the firmest, tightest, stiffest hug.

My hips and waist have never been so held.

Thank you.

The jean makes you stand for something, or sit for something never-both and never at the same time.

Well, if you are willing to loosen the top button,

the jean is a true patriot.

Thank you.

Well done.

Day seen a gunner go on behalf of Blue Jeans if you show them off a little kick out from behind the podium.

Now, to tell us why in the world of pants and trousers,

denim is in the shallow end of the jeans pool as far as he's concerned.

Let's hear it from Miles Anderson.

Jeans are not the best pants.

Their popularity is only a result of tireless corporate marketing campaigns.

People only wear jeans because big denim pays movie stars to wear jeans.

I drank Coca-Cola four years because I saw polar bears on TV doing it.

But it turns out those bears were paid.

Those bears want water.

Jeans are not comfortable because they do not adapt to the body.

The body must adapt to them.

People with even modest flap will, after squeezing into jeans,

resemble a muffin or an ice cream cone.

A thin person in jeans will, depending on the fit,

either resemble a skeleton wearing flappy pants

or a flappy skeleton wearing no pants at all.

Jeans had their era, but science has altered jeans beyond recognition,

flying in the face of God and nature.

Jeans have been spliced and edited to form new abominations like jords and jaggings.

Jeans are for people who pretend to be authentic.

How many business leaders have worn jeans and a blazer as they announce layoffs?

How many politicians have worn jeans on the campaign trail as they pretended to enjoy Tim Horton's coffee?

You can even buy pre-ripped jeans to make it seem like you do manual labor.

That would be like buying an iPhone with a pre-cracked screen.

To make it seem like you go out drinking with your friends.

Jeans are some of the worst pants for the modern era.

A smart phone in the back pocket of your jeans is under more pounds per square inch of pressure

than the wreck of the Titanic.

I've had the home button imprinted on my butt since 2011.

Thank you.

Miles Anderson, not a fan of the blue jeans.

Alright, it is time now for the bare knuckle round.

We're debating whether jeans are the best pants, so here's the skinny.

Feel free to make off the cuff remarks.

Force your phone at to taper off and fade away.

It's the audience that twill decide which if you win and which if you leave eyes and shame.

So time to daisy duke it out now before you boot cut and run.

So people say that the jeans are super tough, but it's actually not that tough compared to things like Kevlar.

The reason why police wear Kevlar vest and not just like five denim jackets stacked on top of each other.

Do not listen to the human embodiment of khaki pants.

He knows not what he says.

I only wear khaki pants because it brings up my khaki skin.

I just want to say that the jean has been with us through so much.

And as a woman who's lived in rural Ontario, the jean has taken families from weddings to court confunerals.

Stacy is a bad idea to make a product part of your identity.

Ask anyone who bought a Tesla.

It's really risky.

Denum production is actually highly toxic, so the most friendly eco pants are actually hemp or burlap.

I'll be working on those back in Victoria.

You'll never understand a woman's struggle in denim.

If a woman is wearing denim, give her money and let her rest.

She is fighting a war you will never know.

You'll never know.

You know, I think the main reason I don't like jeans is they somehow make my butt look flat.

And I have an incredibly sensuous behind.

We'll get out from behind the podium.

There it is.

Describe it, Steve.

We've got two apples that are trying their best.

That's what we've got.

That's fun.

I love apple picking, so let me know.

All right, that is the bare knock around everybody and everything.

I had everything you'd want in a radio taping.

Back it forth.

We went off topic.

We came back.

There was dancing.

It's really paid for itself this show.

All right.

Time now for the firing line.

In my hand, I have a list of questions on jeans brought to you by Gordash Dordash.

Gordash Dordash.

When you've eaten too much and need bigger pants delivered right away.

According to artofmanliness.com, what's the difference between khakis and jeans?

Stacy?

A tax bracket.

Nice.

That's an official point.

Miles?

First of all, thanks for visiting my website.

Yeah.

And now the answer is khakis are for the British Army and jeans are for the Canadian Army.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Two points.

khakis are lighter weight and generally more comfortable.

Also, I don't know if you know this, they're various shades of brown.

According to American Eagle, what feature makes a pair of jeans?

Mom jeans.

Stacy?

They're often covered in spit-up and garbage and it comes with a husband who goes,

how do you have you seen my keys?

It's a very hard jeans.

It's a hard working jeans.

My wife give you that answer.

Yes.

Mom jeans are high-waisted, tapered, and ankle slimming.

I've never felt that.

In 2022, Winnipeg Store Shea Gold Jeans opened to sell what very unique type of jeans?

Miles?

Jeans that repels Seagulls.

A great idea, Miles.

I will give you one for the effort there.

Stacy?

They were a fully bare butt.

Just full open cheek.

Go Jets.

2022 was a tough year.

We were all crazy after COVID.

Old bare butt.

That's not the answer I have here, but it was a great try.

Shea Gold Jeans opened to sell designer jeans that had been in storage since 1991.

Ooh.

With Seagulls nested inside them.

What's the tagline of the 2005 movie about four girlfriends who stay connected by passing around a pair of second-hand jeans?

Stacy?

A time-blake lively wish she could go back to.

One and a half points.

Miles Anderson?

Dude, where's my jeans?

That's a good answer, like that two and a half points.

The tagline of the 2005 movie about four girlfriends who stay connected by passing around a pair of second-hand jeans.

Laugh, cry, share the pants.

Is that a real thing or do we make that up?

That's the real thing?

Literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

Realsimple.com says one thing you shouldn't do to jeans is what?

Miles.

Sit down in them.

I give a point for that.

Good answer.

Not what I have here.

Stacy, am I gonna go?

I said fart in them.

Denim's not the most breathable or forgivable fabric.

You're stuck in your legs all day.

Fortunately.

One of the biggest responses we've had all night for that.

One thing you shouldn't do to jeans is wash them too often.

That website was for sure started by a guy.

That's 100%.

That is the firing line, everybody.

Moving right along here.

All right, it's almost time for our Jubilee Place Theatre audience to vote.

But first, here to tell us who wears the pants in this anti-denim debate.

Let's hear again from Miles Anderson.

There are so many other pants that are better than jeans.

The most versatile pants are the ones that tear off at the knee to become shorts.

In case you get too warm or you want to impress your crush.

The most useful pants are cargo pants because you can carry all your Pokemon cards.

Gameboy games and granola bars to your friends house after school without needing a backpack.

The most comfortable pants are sweat pants because they are loose-fitting and easily adapt to the amount of ice cream a person consumes when they are depressed.

But of course, the best pants are the ones that have sentimental value.

And for me, those are the pants my grandma knits me every year for Christmas.

Thank you.

Miles Anderson.

Shout out to grandma.

God, you're like a human glass of milk.

Good wholesome brand, you know?

Now, here to tell us why it's in our jeans to wear jeans.

Let's hear again from Stacy McGonagall.

Thank you.

My denim lovers, I ask yourself this.

Who should win this debate?

This young man-child wearing khakis only a computer engineer could love.

Or me, a 39-year-old woman who's wearing her tight standing jeans today.

Knowing full well, she would be on full display in front of an audience

with her nether regions absolutely being devoured by the denim.

Behold my denim, nether regions when a peg.

I am not insecure nor embarrassed a woman's body should be amplified

and the jean always makes sure it is.

And if you have a problem with that, you're not an ally.

I'm just saying vote for me and vote for jeans.

Stacy McGonagall stepping out from behind the podium,

showing off the fit of her jeans.

All right, it is time to vote audience by applause.

Who thought that our tiny dancer Stacy was their blue jean baby?

Stacy McGonagall.

Lot of love.

Lot of love for Stacy.

All right.

And how many of you defended Miles denim denigration, Miles Anderson?

Very good.

He's still selling it.

It's too hard fought on either side.

And this is not a national election, so I have the power to declare this a tie.

It is a tie.

In conclusion, begin for Stacy McGonagall and Miles Anderson, everybody.

Hey, debaters, listeners.

Want to keep the laughs coming?

Then hit the follow button on our podcast.

This will get you early access to content and ensure you never miss an episode.

And if you already follow us, thank you.

Hi, I'm Jamie Poisson and I host the Daily News Podcast, Frontburner.

And lately, I'll see a story about, I don't know, political corruption or something and think,

during a normal time, we'd be talking about this for weeks.

But then it's almost immediately overwhelmed by something else.

On Frontburner, we are trying to pull lots of story threads together so that you don't lose a plot.

So you can learn how all these threads fit together.

Follow Frontburner wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, Winnipeg, are you ready to meet your next pair of debaters?

Listen to that, Canada.

This comics custom-made door knocker won a Nobel Prize.

Let's welcome Vancouver's Graham Clark.

I know, man.

Graham Clark, ladies and gentlemen.

And this comic could be my brother from another mother.

It's Vancouver's Lockland Patterson.

Come on out, Lockland.

There he is.

Lockland Patterson, back for the first time in a long time,

taking his place behind the lectern to my right.

All right, Gents, your topic is one that is exactly what you ordered, food delivery.

Has it ever been easier?

The head office of the popular app, Skip, formerly Skip the Dishes, is right here in Winnipeg.

Which explains why it takes so long whenever I ordered to my house in Toronto.

You know, there weren't food delivery apps when I was growing up,

but I did develop an ingenious way of getting fast food delivered free right to my mouth.

I would go to McDonald's with my friends.

I would order nothing.

I would wait for them to start eating.

And then I would say, hey, look, it's Ronald McDonald.

And then steal their hamburgers.

I called myself the hamburger burglar.

Which I guess made the McDonald's lawyer's grimace.

Because they sent me a MacSis and Desist.

Time now for a debate, sure, to deliver the laughs.

So, whereas they provide us with access to a multitude of establishments, improved accuracy and efficiency,

and a seamless ordering experience,

be it resolved that food delivery has never been easier.

Graham, you're arguing for this, please.

You have two minutes starting now.

Graham Clark.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I know to look at me, you think,

I've had a lot of STDs, right?

Skip the Dishes, right?

Thank you.

We have door to ash, uber eats, grub hub,

and lesser no one, beep beep, room room yum yum.

They do everything but chew up the food and give it to your bird style.

Let us not forget snacks.

Some of you are looking at me and thinking,

he never forget snacks.

Now, say you're as high as Snoop Dogg on an airplane, right?

They can bring you snacks.

Because otherwise, you'd be in the convenience store,

marveling at how your total came to $7.11,

and you're in a $7.11, right?

Watching online delivery is an absolute thrill, right?

Jasmine has put your order in, yay, go, Jasmine, go!

Also, this new world of delivery gives jobs

to many people across this great country of ours, right?

And I'm on a comedy show on CBC,

so I'm between deliveries right now.

Oh, there's an order right now.

Let me just check my phone here.

Okay, Steve P.

At the Jubilee Place Theater Wants.

One Slurpee, yeah?

Strips with extra honey dill sauce, right?

A double burger from VJ's Driving.

So I gotta go, so let's do this debate really quickly

so I can get out of here.

Thank you very much, Steve.

Yeah!

Graham Clark.

Way to go, Graham.

Now, here to deliver us from the evil of meal deliveries,

please welcome my brother

from a much more attractive mother.

Lachlan Patterson.

Thank you.

Thank you, Steve.

Food deliveries have never been easier my foot.

Let's take the first and most famous of food deliveries.

Pizza.

I remember a time when you used to just call a guy

and you tell him what you want and he'd make a pizza

and he'd bring it to you and you'd pay him and you'd eat it.

And that was it.

That was...

The good old days.

Now, before you can even eat the pizza,

you gotta build your pizza profile.

All right.

You know, you gotta come up with a pizza password, right?

Better make it a strong one.

Don't want anyone hacking into your pizza account.

Accessing your pizza portal and switching all your topics.

Thanks.

It shows up at your door, you open the box.

Cabbage and beet, hang on a second.

I could order a cabbage and beet pizza.

Ah, they're Russians hacked into my account.

I wish I used a stronger password

for my pizza account.

You ever forget your password in the end?

You enter it wrong too many times and they care.

It goes, why don't you take a few days off the internet?

Let me in.

I'm starving.

That is it, Steve.

Thank you very much.

I'm finished.

Laughlin Patterson.

Well said, succinct.

We got a lot of debate to go here.

All right, debaters. It's time now for the bare knuckle round.

We're debating whether food delivery has never been easier.

So let's hope your logic, Uber, eats away

at your opponent's argument

and door dashes their hopes of winning.

No physical stuff, please.

Give us all your jokes with contactless delivery.

Don't skip, dishing it out.

And door, step it up, starting now.

You mentioned 711.

You're 711 for hours.

Maybe food delivery isn't your biggest problem.

And I agree with you.

The world of food delivery has gotten jobs for people,

but keep in mind before food delivery,

those people were unhierable.

I'm sorry.

Do you think I would actually trust Jasmine

to pick up food for my family?

Why not?

Does she even know how to pick an avocado

or am I going to have to continue raising it for another two weeks?

Does she know to flip the strawberry package upside down

and look at the strawberries on the bottom?

That's the truth right there.

Those are the display warnings.

Let's back off Jasmine a little bit, all right?

She's good people, Jasmine.

Now, is there a kid here tonight by any chance?

Yeah?

So you may not know that when you had to phone a pizza place,

you had to use a thing called the phone book.

And it was a book with all the numbers in it, you see.

And that you found a pizza place.

That was the pizza place you went to.

And that's all you needed.

That's all you could do was just go to the one pizza place.

It was a phone book and then a jingle.

Those were the two things.

Like my childhood one was pizza 73.

Two, seven, three, seven, three, seven, three.

Pizza 73, right?

Laughlin?

Oh, and I'm from Vancouver.

We had pizza 222.

If you guys don't remember, call 222.

Two, two, two, two.

That was for them.

I feel like we've maybe lost the focus.

Food delivery.

Jingle.

Now, I got to tell you that I am a pizza hut pizza rewards member.

And just recently they sent me a message that said,

you didn't think we'd forget your birthday, did you?

I was blown away.

Graham, they know your birthday.

Aren't you concerned they're tracking you?

No, I want that.

I think that's probably a good place to stop.

That's the bare enough around everybody.

It is time now for the firing line.

In my hand, I have a list of questions on food delivery brought to you

by Domino's Pizza Funded Maternity Clinics.

Domino's Pizza Maternity Clinics.

We deliver your baby in under 30 minutes or it's free.

According to the 2024 Uber Eats Cravings report,

what is the most popular delivery special request?

Laughlin Patterson.

Take some for yourself.

Incorrect.

You guys don't put that?

Incorrect, but I like the thinking on that.

Graham Clark.

Make love to me.

Oh my god.

Guys are kind of scary.

The most popular delivery special request,

according to Uber Eats Cravings report, hold the onions.

Yeah, that's it.

We want my friends.

Before you make love to me.

The worst.

Nice.

Skip says in Canada in 2024,

its most requested grocery orders were chips, pop, milk,

and what was number four?

Graham.

A pocket full of bulk cashews.

Incorrect, but a great name for a stomped Tom song.

It's worth the shot.

It was the number four thing on skip the dishes in 2024

was the mystery bag,

which costs $9.99 and contains $25 worth of mystery food.

What is mystery food?

We don't know.

It's a mystery.

Door dash is now allowing American customers to do what?

Lockwood?

Shoot at the driver.

Graham.

Steve, could you please repeat the question?

Sure.

Door dash is now allowing American customers to do what?

Graham.

Order a 51st steak and potatoes.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Boo.

Boo, Graham.

I agree with you guys.

Door dash is now allowing American customers to eat now,

pay later.

Pay in its Thomas.

Oh, that place in our basement is quirky.

That is the firing line, everybody.

Yeah.

We're scooting right along here,

and it's almost time for our magical Jubilee Place Theatre

audience here in Winnipeg to vote.

But first, here to take out his opponent's pro food delivery

argument one more time,

let's hear again from Loughlin Patterson.

Thank you, Steve.

We're going back here,

but I remember pizza used to be spontaneous,

and impulsive, you know, like a late night lover.

It would show up at your door all hot and bubbly.

And the next morning,

you'd have a cold shower and forget about it.

But online pizza doesn't want to forget.

Online pizza had a great time,

and it wants to build a relationship.

Yeah.

As soon as you wake up,

it starts texting you offers,

inviting you to all sorts of pizza events,

asking you why you aren't following it on Instagram,

when you're going to have some more pizza,

then when you try to unsubscribe,

it asks you why? Why?

Look, it was a one night pizza, all right?

We had some good times, but it's over now, all right?

Now, you got to get out of here.

I got a Thai chicken salad coming over.

Loughlin Patterson, everybody.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Wrong argument.

That was a coronation street, but real.

Now, here to tell us why he thinks of a couch potato

as a potato delivered to his couch.

Let's hear again from Graham Clark.

He's talking about the good old days,

and I think we need modern technology

when it comes to delivering food.

Now, I can tell you this is a very true story

I'm not making up. Anything about it.

I was in Tafino, BC, doing a show,

and after I was hungry,

so I called the local pizza place

in order to vegetarian pizza.

Yes, some vegetarian.

I know some of you are looking at me and saying,

I don't think you're doing it, right, man?

Root.

Now, when it showed up,

there couldn't be possibly any more meat on it.

It looked like somebody decimated a zoo.

My wife called the pizza place

and told them about the mix-up.

We waited in another hour at Hencom

when my wife called them.

She could hear them in the backer and say,

it's her again.

Then the employee came on the phone

and said, and I quote,

can we deliver a pizza to you tomorrow?

I rest my case.

Graham Clark, make it it personal.

Let's see if it worked.

Audience, it is up to you.

It is time to vote.

Buy applause.

Who thought that Graham basically delivered the goods

on Food Delivery?

Graham Clark.

That's nice.

It's a nice affection for Graham.

And how many of you thought

that Lachlan's argument against Food Delivery

was the most delicious Lachlan Patterson?

Yes.

Yes.

It's close.

But I'll ask you this one.

The Lachlan Patterson.

My brother from another mother,

big hand for Lachlan Patterson

and Graham Clark, everybody.

Well, that's all for this week.

I'm Steve Patterson saying,

whether you are listing from wherever it is,

thanks for allowing us to deliver laughs to your face.

I'll argue with you again soon, Canada.

Good night.

The debaters is created by Richard Side.

This week's episode was produced by Nicole Calendar,

Chloe Edbrook, Dean Jenkinson, and Graham Clark.

With continuity by Graham Clark,

Diana Francis, and Gary Jones.

Technical production by James Perella,

Mae McKillip, and Lloyd Peterson.

Story editing by Gary Jones.

With special thanks to Katie Ellen Humphries,

David Pride, and Emily Farrier.

Executive producer of CBC Radio Comedy is Lee Pitt.

And thanks to everyone at the Jubilee Place Theater

and the Winnipeg Comedy Festival.