Ask Uncut - My Boyfriend's Secret Viagra & Sex-Chatting Husband

Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack some of your deep and pressing dilemmas! 

Vibes and unsubscribes for the week:

Britt - Incels podcast 

Laura - Picture Postie 

Keeshia - The Beast In Me on Netflix 

MY BOYFRIEND TAKES VIAGRA BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT I KNOW
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we have a healthy sex life. There’s been a couple of occasions where he has struggled to maintain an erection and he occasionally brushes it off as just a performance thing. The other day when I was at his house, I noticed a pack of used viagra on his bathroom counter. Now I honestly don’t mind that he uses viagra as personally I just see it as an aid to our healthy sex life. But my question is should I tell him I know he takes it? I don’t want him to feel insecure that he needs to take it if I bring it up. But I also feel like he shouldn’t have to hide it from me as I really don’t mind if he takes it. Help a sister out, to tell him I know or continue just having great sex without him knowing I know

IS IT NORMAL TO SPEAK TO AN EX?
My ex and I were in a relationship for 8 years. First love, high school sweethearts type of thing and were engaged for a year before it ended tumultuously. A lot of things were left unresolved with no closure. We never spoke to each other since, until now. Fast forward 6 years and he’s appeared on my socials. Now I’ve been married for 2 years and he’s been in a relationship for 3. We’ve cleared the air about how things ended and have genuinely seemed to have formed a friendship again and catching up on each other’s life. I don’t know if his girlfriend knows, but I haven’t told my husband. For context, we’ve had our own issues the last 6 months so it wouldn’t be ideal. My question is can you have a platonic relationship with an ex or am I setting myself up for a disaster

HUSBAND HAS BEEN SEX CHATTING OUR WHOLE MARRIAGE
I’ve been with my husband for 13 years and we have 3 year old twins. For content- our relationship has been really really rocky ever since the babies were born. I take full responsibility for my part of it and I’m well aware of my personal issues and the fact that I sometimes can be a pain in the ass and difficult to live with (so is he obviously). We’ve been talking things through several times and agreed to stay married because deep down we know that we love each other. We’ve just bought a new bigger house and we both saw that as new, clean beginning

Now to my dilemma. A couple of weeks ago, I accidentally looked at my husband's phone (not intentionally looking for something “bad”) and discovered an app installed on his phone that’s only used for sexchatting. I confronted him with this and he admitted that he’s been sex-chatting with other girls for most of our time together, basically since 2012. Even though our relationship was fantastic (before kids) and our sex life pretty awesome, especially in the early years. All these years, he’s been doing it behind my back. Chatting with other girls, sending naked pictures of himself, receiving videos etc etc. He says he stopped doing this a couple of years ago (but I find that hard to believe- why was the app still on his phone) and he’s stubbornly insisting that this doesn’t constitute cheating. To him - this is equivalent to watching porn. This makes me even more sad and angry. I’m totally devastated. I feel grossed out and I do consider this cheating. Just the thought of him doing this while we were newly weds etc makes me sick.

I’m absolutely sure that I do not want to divorce him, mostly because of our children. I can’t stand the thought of not seeing my babies every other week. I really want to forgive him and move on from this- but how?? How can I trust he’s never going to do this again, knowing that it’s been going on for years. I’ve suggested couple counselling but he’s hesitant. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Much love from a devoted listener all the way from Sweden! (Would like to remain anonymous:)

SHOULD I INVITE MY SISTER TO MY WEDDING?
My partner and I are getting married next year, and we’re clashing over one major guest decision: my sister. To put it simply, my sister has caused a lot of hurt and conflict for me and my parents over the past eight years. She struggles with alcoholism, often makes everything about herself, and shows strong narcissistic tendencies.
I initially said I would invite her because she’s my sister, but my partner is firmly against it and honestly, I understand why. Every time I’ve seen her in recent years, it’s ended in drama, usually fuelled by alcohol, and I’m left upset and in tears. She hasn’t really shown up for me in any meaningful way and has even taken advantage of me financially.
My partner keeps reminding me that our wedding day should be about us, and he’d hate for her to ruin it. I know he has a point, but I still feel guilty at the idea of not inviting her even though our relationship is strained and unpredictable. I’d hate for her to cause drama on our day, especially when alcohol will be served.

 

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