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About this Episode
https://www.solgoodmedia.com Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! 'Golden Age Mysteries' features the best of mystery fiction from the golden age, where every plot thickens with danger and intrigue. Relive the classic stories that set the standard for today's mystery genre.
Hosts & Guests
Transcript
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Very great speaking.
There's a popular notion people have about confidential operatives.
Stop any guy in a suit and ask him, the notion, he needed love, or, as he said, a
mood.
My classification of work has always got a blunt on one arm, another blunt on his left,
and the third blunt on his eye, so people think.
The truth is a matter of fact is, people are so right.
Text book biology aside, the true reason for our howling success with the ladies is our
rough, fatherly appeal.
It's women looking for the male protection they miss since the capy days of the cradle.
It's the young lady like six for the strong, dominating male who knows all the answers.
It's also the classic feminine urge to pin horns on the masculine cranium.
I won my horns by parking overtime on a sad grand central station.
I got into see if the man was making good on his promise to keep trains running on time.
I came out to find a feminine side to my windshield wiper, a green ticket, the $15 variety
out.
In my car, I found something more as an added to livin' up my arm drum existence, the
poopy doll.
And the rainbow paint was fossilized, and blowing so many cents over me, I got an immediate
perfume in J.
Isn't there some mistake?
Oh no.
You, uh, didn't mistake this for public hearts?
No.
Then, uh, I'm in the wrong car.
Are you?
I'll check.
Man, he's 50 minutes, the car belongs to me.
Oh, how wonderful.
But you don't.
How sad.
Funny.
Funny?
I always wondered just how the future, Mrs. Barry Craig, would happen along.
From intervening a corner, or come to me with a letter of introduction from my uncle
Hess and Alan Thompson?
You're disappointed, it's like this.
I'm frightened.
Frightened?
I, uh, blood pressure, had more points than I'm flying with the angel.
Caused him you'd like me?
We'll get married and have six kids.
Seven.
Seven to a lot of laundry.
We'll live in the country.
I'm allergic to marigolds.
I'll fix your wall, looking out on green as you know.
Comes all this I sneeze, and my eyes get red.
We'll name the children, camis.
Not all.
Six of those.
Seven.
Oh, I did want one daughter.
What will I call you when I'm hunting high and low for my cufflates?
And when I want help with this epidemic?
Barry.
And when we chose to march now, and then list about how we first came to meet here, what
should I remember?
How I was living your car to expose the dragon.
The dragon?
A repulsive little man who follows me.
Where did he follow you from last?
Connecticut.
He was on the train.
From Connecticut to my car?
Yeah.
I see.
Where is Mr. Repulsive right now?
Behind us.
Behind us.
Okay.
He's waiting to follow us when you pull away.
I'll fix that.
Oh, no.
I'm fast, and I break heads like Max.
Please, no.
No violence.
Nothing to spoil the fun we're having.
Oh, I feel so good.
Oh, I haven't felt good for such a long time.
So what do I do?
Just take me away.
With a chaperone on our tail?
You're?
Take the bomb.
Got that?
Huh.
I shaped eyes like sawed out of a shake out.
I knew you were equal to the dragon.
For every block he hangs on over ten humans,
paint a zebra stripe on me.
In no time, I had more zebra stripes and skins.
The repulsive dragon hung on for ten blocks, then thirty more,
then through the horizontal way into Jersey.
I hung up a new highway speed racquet
for the great coupée stayed in the money.
Your dragon drives like he was born to the wheel.
Like you, it's still my journey.
All of a sudden, baby, I'm not so sure.
I got off the highway,
staked up and down the deserted side road.
I followed the moon across rocks
and snips the forest like my car was a jeep
for the great coupée hung on.
Hug on close enough to point up the risks in my undertaking.
The dragon's sitting fire at his baby.
He's shooting at the tiger.
Oh, you're wrong about the tiger.
Oh, darling, you've been hit.
Probably gonna like me with a dimpled elbow.
It's fun of him like this with a nice lush target.
Well, you're not stopping.
I'm running out of road. Get in the head.
Oh, we can.
We can't.
There he is. Look, he's crab.
Yeah, he has.
Now we'll take him to shoot and drive at the same time.
We ran into a train.
We might meet a kiss to tree.
Let's go offer our condolences.
Wait, I almost forgot.
Uh, got a dime, Andy.
A dime?
Oh, what?
Yeah, yeah.
What's wrong?
I'm following it to Cinegan.
Well, look, Cinegan will make a great cool pay
crash in the next of time.
Oh.
You understand?
You know, you're good, aren't you?
Oh, I almost forgot, too, Mr. Cinegan.
Uh, a corner.
I'm following it to make a room for him.
I'm not kidding, you know.
We're growing, aren't we, baby?
No question about it.
You're really growing, aren't we?
A great cool pay would tell a sculpt like an accordion.
Getting me unconscious, dragon, out of the wreck
was like breaking into a sobbing can with your fingernails.
And now, kept reporting the show,
a less pocket dragon, more hands, and baby feet.
And the emaciated look of a guy who
went hungry Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
How proud he heard it.
He could be worse.
He could be dead.
Conclusion.
When he comes to, he's going to hate that word.
You're also.
Only a next that can wait.
But the hair is really emergency.
I've got to get him to a hospital.
If he keeps bleeding, the dragon will change to a zombie
right in front of it.
Get a perfume jagged on, and your brain takes to the hills.
It happens to a bachelor pushing 40.
That weak moment when single bliss suddenly
has the feeling of solitary confinement.
When you were one, the rest you were in.
The conventional metal goes to that tree.
To do what you did for me when blinds say.
Also history, men of God blind and bone
headed over a cupidol.
Mark Anthony, for instance, oh, baby.
You taste like you took a graduate court.
No, man, I got a risk and tell for me before.
The man in your past must have been 80 and over.
I've never before had a champion.
I have a little ribbon around my neck,
and 50 gunscapped at a rake of shangol.
The gunscapped?
Blinds say, you said.
I could be promoting a horse last, that myself.
Oh, no.
Then fill in a few reassuring facts.
The facts?
The hilarious dragon I primed off in a hospital,
Ruben Clark, who is he?
I'm not sure.
Who do you think he is?
I think a man in the higher of my garden.
And what's the problem, you're thinking?
I don't think I want to talk about it.
It's too late for reluctance, baby.
I've taken too big a bite of your life.
He's a mystery to me.
Personally, let me present.
He can find me to my room, always underwater.
Why?
He wants to marry me.
There was money.
Many, many valuable things left to pose of it
when my parents died.
And God in wants all of us through marriage to you.
But why run?
Why not stand up to him, get to a lawyer, go to the police?
I can't.
He's clever, my guardian.
He's clever, clever, and determined.
We are in the land of the free.
We pay judges to step on words.
He's clever to have me put away.
He's easy to buy a poem, if I keep refusing to marry him.
What do you mean, put away?
In his panic, Harry.
He's a bride, people, all servants, even all furnaces,
where that I'm mentally irresponsible.
Nice guy, your guardian.
I don't want to fight him.
Procrastination, baby.
I just want to hide and rest.
I must think today and tomorrow just...
I just want to think I've been crafting a nightmare.
I can't even get night.
Sure, sure you have.
It's up to your ears.
You want to breathe out.
Nothing to fret over just past the time.
And how fun.
Like the fun we were having.
Six kids.
Debbie.
I'm feeling this breather.
Where do you want to be?
Anywhere.
Where only you can find me.
OK.
I know a country shack owned by a friend of mine
over a sketch plane.
It will be an use until May 1.
And I know where the key is.
Are you wonderful?
You'll be the guest of a certain return of 12 lodges
only he won't know it.
It's Roger's shack.
I'll stock you up with groceries and look in now and then.
I'll stock you over to it.
Just one more fact I can find a way.
Who and where is your guardian?
I was rather not a friend.
Oh, you can trust me.
My word on it.
I will make a move and treat you with it.
My guardian is very holy.
We live in Guadalupe Gold House.
Come on.
That's in my office.
I got my first real indication.
That boy, girl, woo-hoo, sometimes I
goes back how wow.
An uninvited caller.
Mail, 30-about flashy dresses and a peppermint splash shirt.
Graceway gloves.
And a nickel-plated revolver.
You buried Craig?
No.
What do you mean no?
This is Craig Jarvis.
What?
I took over this morning.
I'm just in trouble.
In where is Craig?
That way.
Crooks tell all of a sudden that the two I am this morning.
What are you giving me?
The obituary.
Any of your pockets or your wallet on the desk,
I want to check.
It so happens I'm carrying Craig's wallet
to turn it over to the estate.
Where's your day, James?
You're asking for something Craig?
Your arm will get stiff pointing at gun.
I got a heat lamp on.
Oh.
You don't want to talk about the day, huh?
I've got a block against disgusting women.
I was a retard at adolescence.
What I will talk about is that.
That day, famous battles of incidents.
That day, well, I'd lend a please.
Get over to the window.
A window?
Open it.
We can't throw guys out of windows.
When the sanitation calls, literally in the sidewalk,
you'll be stocked five bucks in magistrate's court.
Open the window, comedian.
Now close it.
Close it.
This what's about to come.
Yes, smart figure out your show.
I just did.
Who was I speculating?
They're a big guy.
It'll be up to talk to you later, later.
After I sharpened you up, so you can talk politely
to the big guy.
He don't like wise track and comedians.
My awoke and a fog.
That's a godfather.
First girl, Craig.
I don't know.
He's tightly to the left and we got off at a factory place.
I don't think so.
You'll have to take my word out of temporarily, perhaps.
I am fairly resourceful at screwing liars to be liars.
They do job wearer right now.
I'm also a vindictive man when lied to.
My one great failing.
Who hasn't got one flaw in this character?
You're a practical man, Craig.
Is that a cash briar developing?
Modest gesture of goodwill.
$1,000.
Two pure money in your pocket.
You're not tempted.
I'll be curious.
What makes the girl with a grand on the hook?
That doesn't concern you.
It is better not concern you.
You're a fool, Craig.
Lock and bar, riding for a fall.
Who's lock and bar?
You're a championing a girl you know nothing about.
Whatever she told you, Craig, you can be sure.
It's pure invention.
I'll only show you after a new ring card affair.
Very guy warned you.
And that's still an attachment shirt you use for a calling card.
You don't really think you can whistle me over to your side?
All right.
Find the girl, play the hero, and be clear to you.
There's a cake of dynamite under you, Craig.
If only you could free your eyes of side us.
Later in the afternoon, I went calling on love.
Lock and bar, dear babies, when they sack full of groceries.
Flacti, salmon, white blueberry, vintage gear bagels,
enough food to keep you hiding out for a month.
I'll take your coat.
Take my hat for yourself.
Please, don't cap.
Don't cap.
I hate myself, innit?
Take it off, me, baby.
Very much happened.
I tried to telephone that wicked old guardian of yours.
You tried to?
Just before we have Tuxedo Grove Heights Connecticut.
There's no Tuxedo Grove Heights anywhere
on the map of Connecticut.
I... I love it.
Try me something I don't know.
But only about the heck.
What's the real address?
It's Cranberry Hill, Pennsylvania.
Why'd you lie about the address?
I... I wasn't sure I could trust you.
Really trust you.
Baby, come here.
I've confided to people.
Only to have you with me.
He destroyed money.
Did you see that?
Two guys dropped in on me today looking for you.
They barely stopped short of murder.
There they are.
I came out here by way of planet X to shake them.
We must be quite a price to rate two homicidal retrievers
like my morning callers.
$1 million dollars, Dad.
This goes my god in a sinus field.
$1 million dollars.
$1 million dollars.
I knew that love on a chain would be nothing trivial,
but I never dreamed it would have a done in Brad Street,
ready?
A perfume doll cries on your shoulder.
And reality drowns in a tub of purest.
Should be no more way to my heart,
like there was a neon sign on my chest saying,
enter here.
When love let go of my throat long enough,
I took a half-hearted whack at confidential investigating.
I did some more sneak-checking on Cupid.
The repulsive dragon, Ruben Clark.
I wanted his version of a bank.
Fashioned as shown extraordinary improvement, Mr. Craig.
Is he conscious?
Yes.
I want to talk to him.
The dragon talks like a guy kicking a shovel around the block.
I first saw the girl on the train to respel it.
I never knew her name.
Oh, no.
But let me tell her my own way.
All right, tell her.
Well, I was in the club guy.
She sat across the aisle for me, looking peculiar,
looking peculiar.
A little loony, humming little dillies,
then winking over to me, then laughing to herself.
I was talking about the same girl.
Look, I'm talking about the chick you made me chase all over Jersey.
Keep talking.
Well, the way it was, I figured it easy.
Pick up.
We were trying awfully hard for a bust on the sofa.
You asked me to tell you, and I'm telling you, OK, tell me.
Well, I'm a guy like any other guy.
Good-looker like this chick wants to be sociable, so I stop embroidery,
but what would you do, marry her or something?
You took the chick beside her.
That one.
Well, we got the talking, getting acquainted.
I told her how I was a hardware salesman,
fresh in from Binghamton.
I don't want to know your pedigree.
He told me she was prince of something
or other, traveling in Togged.
What word am I, Muffins?
Oh, Togged Needle.
Yeah, in Togged Needle.
Well, her uncle was a maharagi somewhere,
and he was here on a secret mission for him,
to raise cash, he said.
The maharagi was stormed.
Well, you're making us up.
Well, I thought she was, until I got a pick in that overnight,
back she gets on a lap.
What was in the bag?
Jules.
The stuff the maharagi sent her here to sell off.
Jules, Mr. and enough jules to make you go clean off your rocket,
like you went.
Yeah, like I went.
You'll be confirmed the fact of the jules.
Yes, maharagi.
I love jules.
I've been in jules.
It's racist, torches, rumors.
Oh, sorry, am I over my cash.
Jules.
Very?
Why don't you let the car?
Where did you get them, man?
I asked where did you get them?
Your head was at the back.
No phone, he's sorry about a god in or a maharagi.
I want the truth.
I can't believe it.
I still have the truth.
What problem?
Get the phone, please.
A cranberry health pencil, then?
No.
Oh, he really lives in metal farms in New York.
I worked for Mr. Foley.
He has an upskulled girl.
You were Foley's maid?
Yes.
He was a brute.
And Mrs. Foley too.
They mistreated me.
Too many of it, please.
So you made off with a fortune in Jules.
Yes.
Baby, put your hands out.
Nice and straight.
Put my hands out.
I'm handcuffing you and tying you up
so you say, put my hands out.
Oh, where are you going?
Away from that sweet, snappy, dappy kisser of yours
so I can think.
Claire and Larsony, baby, with yours truly
accessory after the fact.
I thought it over and stood over it
and wound up telling it to the tenant's father, Roger.
So love finally came to Barry Cray.
If you have to rub it in, what bad of a smoke
if you want sense of a fake pen?
It would be enough.
An outstriped, a real, quietly away.
Mrs. Foley gets the jules back and he doesn't trust you.
Where's the girl who's swagged now?
What I tell you, don't blow a fuse.
What's that supposed to mean?
You're shacked up in scotch planes
where you cool off July and August.
What about my shack?
The girl's been hiding out there.
She's there now.
Cray of all the crap of I didn't think you'd mind.
You didn't think I'd mind a common seat.
And a moon-stuck admirer and an accomplice.
I played your under arrest and so is your cutie, Dow.
But then did I arrive in scotch planes?
But it didn't end like that.
As it turned out, after some nice police handling,
I had a couple of new wallets, a couple of new surprises
in a small store.
The first fire was handed me by a solemn face
following a white coat and a white beard, a doctor.
I've been brought to a place called Hopewell-Wrestth,
a sanitarium by 12 Rodgers.
This is Dr. Kempner, a psychiatrist.
Dr. Teller to Cray.
Hey, yes.
And Mr. Cray, I'm acquainted with all the details
of your curious experience with the seat, Foley.
The doctor, Mr. Mrs. Jeffrey Foley.
Doctor.
Now, wait a minute, Doctor.
Cray, he had the doctor out.
OK.
The story of the jurors and the position
is in need with a pure fabrication,
part of Chennai City, a newest solution.
Newest solution?
The young lady has been a mental patient
at the night care for some time.
She hallucinates many many things.
The jurors belong to her father.
She media-properates them in this latest escapeeid.
Two guys who walked over me.
Who were they?
I'll answer that.
They were private detectives hired by the father
to recover the jurors and his daughter without publicity.
They sway rust for private detectives.
Their promised fee was $25,000.
The fee had them a little over either.
Sir, if you're now in this sanitarium,
yes.
They're just confined here.
Can I see her?
I'm a nurse.
Rise number two.
Add us some gray hairs to the few I already had.
I watched the doctor walk Cupid all toward me.
Hello, baby.
When the doctor tells me you're OK and I'm rooting for you.
Who is his name, doctor?
I want to stare at me right now, still not fooling me, and walk away.
You seem to speak.
You look right fooling me, so that she doesn't know me.
She does not know you.
There is another symptom in a hallucination.
An element of amnesia, shall we say, she forgets the escapade,
and that companion in it totally.
You mean she'll never remember me?
Never know me?
I mean, you must forget her.
You are her good friend for the game.
And now, it is another day.
You'll get over her, right?
It's a little hard of a while, but you'll get over her.
Yeah, I'll get over her.
What cut you made from?
What was it again?
Oh, yeah.
Now comes the barricade.
Good night, folks.
See you next week.
