Bob Hope - Christmas Show Story Of Bingsy and Bobsy with Bing Crosby

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Congratulations, gentlemen, here I am in Long Beach,

I'm Christmas Day for these boys in the Veterans Hospital.

As I look out amongst you, I can see the Christmas spirit everywhere.

Red robes and green faces.

And I said to Dr. Radaritz, I'm looking forward to a great show.

Today, last time I was here, I found out I made these guys laugh.

He said, I know hope, and now we keep that stuff locked up.

So, I'm going to go back to my room.

I thought this was the hospital, but I never saw such a healthy bunch of guys.

In this place, you're not considered ambulatory,

and you pass the nurture chasing.

And I noticed the modern trend in Veterans Hospital.

I do have a hospital bed, have gadgets to do everything.

One fellow pushed all the buttons and said, what would happen?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

One fellow pushed all the buttons and said, what would happen?

He's not drawing flight tickets.

He'll be in for a lamp any day.

You should see the way you guys feed around the quarters in their wheelchairs.

I asked one patient how much longer he expected to be confined.

He said, I'd have cured for a month.

Now all I got to do is serve out the last 90 days of my traffic sentence.

And one patient even had a Christmas bread while he was being banned.

He turned to the doctor and said, before you're happy, I'd like to put a card in.

And I was at one point of the nurse in decorating the Christmas tree in one of the wars.

What a beautiful sight.

And the limbs of the tree weren't bad either.

One soldier took a look at the star on the top of the tree and he said, yeah, it's a

brigadier general running this show, too.

I think it was General Lesterbrook, I'm not sure.

He can't blame Santa Claus for not wanting to show up at this hospital.

Last year when he stepped out of the fireplace and his red suit, three nurses and a doctor

grabbed him, gave him a shot through him and bed and screened.

We don't care if you do have a beard, you'll be discharged when we're good and ready.

I placed Santa Claus for my kids and it was great.

I had a real Santa Claus student came down a real chimney.

It was exciting.

I had a real fire.

They have to beat me out with my own beard.

But it's been a great day here at the Long Beach Veterans Hospital.

I had dinner here and it needs patience.

The chaplain said, same race, and between same race they were ready for dessert.

I served six courses with ten minute intermissions to carry out the wounded.

Oh, they really want to answer the food.

I said, how's the stuffing?

And the guy stuck his head on the turkey's mouth and said, five.

One guy at the table looked really pretty.

I said, you look like something to catch right.

And he said, yeah, but he won't drag me out again.

Can I introduce our guest now?

Not yet, hi.

Grand Park Claus, we can't come dashin' out in the stage like you used to.

It takes a little preparation.

They've got a backstage hangin' upside down by his heels.

Well, silly about why you think they're hanging by his heels.

Well, he has to stay in that position till his chest slides back where it used to be.

Then they riveted him into a pair of tight leather shorts.

So when they turn him right set up, there won't be an avalanche.

Well, I got a life to be sore.

I really want to figure out what happened.

It was just the afternoon.

I was in a department store to buy a gift for me.

Well, there's family clubs standing in the middle of the aisle.

I'll go over and say hello to them.

Well, Jolly Olsana.

Well, tonight's Christmas Eve, huh?

Are you gonna get into your play and sail over the house top?

No, boy. I'm going to the rendezvous and fly around the chandelier.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

What's up in the plot, boy?

Oh, it's you, huh?

Still working this racking, eh?

Oh, don't call this a racking, boy.

Every set I take in this front local organization.

You heard of the SBCA?

Oh, yes.

It's a society for the prevention of cruelty to animals.

Yeah, well, this is for the ACLF.

The homeless cooney birds of lower-front Japanese.

Friends, you're punny.

Where's that?

I've never been able to find out.

Oh, well, okay.

And I hate to be stuck with all this money.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

I'll end it in a minute.

Anyway, boy, I have done a crook.

I really want to the store detective.

I watch the customers.

The Z. They don't steal anything.

Oh, you're a storage detective?

That's right.

That's why they can clean true cons mothered vassers.

Oh, boy.

I only dipped in for a few dollars to give them

a poor old mother.

The lowly these sights speak again.

She needs a pair of eyeglasses desperately for her work.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What is her work?

She pours you on employment checks.

Oh, Martin, here comes the guy.

I don't want to meet.

What do I do?

Just cut down my account and then we go to buy.

And hit there now.

I won't see you.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Hello, mister.

Say, aren't you being grumpy?

Well, let's close enough.

I see your accepting contribution.

That I'd like to add mine to the pot.

Here.

Ah!

Some contribution.

I can't admit it, mate.

That's it.

Friends, you can help me, Santa.

I don't know the store very well around here.

And I'm looking for a present for a friend of mine.

Bob Hope.

Well, you know him better than I knew.

Why don't you buy him a present?

I don't know the store very well around here.

And I'm looking for a present for a friend of mine.

Bob Hope.

Well, you know him better than I knew.

Why don't you buy him whenever he needs the most?

Come on out of that tonight.

Yeah, yeah.

Where can I get a large packet of talent?

So, huh?

Look who's talking.

If he's in my next road,

I'll be pushing a broom in a cart.

I've got to get something for yogurt, boy.

I was on fire.

I really thought I'd buy him.

But they don't have a size big enough for him.

The only size they had were large.

Very large.

And across the wife and the door.

If not, it's flat.

It's quite a bit of real estate.

It's all the rear.

He's the low-rambling ranch pipe himself.

He's right up back here,

and they do a two-car garage on a foggy night.

Ah!

He had a very far good open to play.

I don't want you, buddy.

Where'd you get that little animal back?

I'm going to see that right between my feet.

Can you be hard to think of a present for your friend?

I think of it the other way around.

What's the one thing you'd like to receive from Bob Hope?

A postcard from a concentration camp in Siberia.

I heard everything you said.

I was hiding right behind the counter.

Well, look who's here.

Paramount's bad get.

I just found out you're a true character.

You lost sight of London.

Oh, not here.

I need your weird clever hip.

I'm trying to find you.

I thought you were right.

I don't see that.

I thought you were right on that nose of yours,

but I never started anything that's already finished.

Look, avocado top.

Yeah, that head was any smaller.

You could use a plumber's friend, friend.

I'm Brella.

There were my plumber's friends here.

Put your hand on her daughter's face.

The plumber's full.

And she can't be.

I know that I can't ask the critics from the long, long beach press telling me.

I'd rather extend all this easy day.

Do you know what he's expected to give me?

Difficult.

Does America have to sell a pain or something?

Stop bragging.

You couldn't get within the mile of this America with arrow fling on a leash.

There's a month or so.

I'm going to settle the question.

What's the problem?

I can choice your answer.

I can ask your answer.

What?

I have to demonstrate all concerns just who is the biker who has the generous heart of this team.

Now, for your Christmas gift from me,

I want you to pick out anything in the place.

The very generous ad libby.

Don't I mean it?

I mean it.

Don't let it.

Yeah.

I'll take that.

He worked on it.

Well, I mean, that's $300,000 set of silver over there.

I just just wrapped it up as my present to Mr. Holt.

To me?

Well, I'll top that.

As my present to him lay, it wrap up a $500 set of silver.

I'll raise my gift to you to $750.

Well, I'll raise mine to you to $1,000.

Here's my check to pay for it.

A thousand even.

Thank you, sir.

Not now.

Get up, you loose things.

Oh, Mr. Cross, he doesn't have to pay.

Go on, go on.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait.

What goes down here?

I have the shield of the silverware department.

You're the shield?

Yes.

Carry on to the stars.

Hello?

Hello?

Ladies and gentlemen, there are many wonderful Christmas stories, such as those written by Dickens,

the non-Christian Amazon.

But tonight we're going to present a story of Christmas that has never been told.

It's the tale of thingsy and bobsy.

So whether you can imagine or not, we're once young.

Stop it.

I'll go back for the years.

I've heard of the hoax in Cleveland.

There is a tiny view arrival.

Look at you, Dickens.

Laying on your little blanket.

You just like you wanted the Christmas.

No.

To tell the truth, Maul, what I really wanted was a pinball game.

Oh, now that's silly.

A pinball game doesn't grow up and stay with you through the years.

Maybe not, but at least it had all its marbles.

Remember how before the day before the game, you went out and did $50, it could be a boy.

And I'll get $50, it would be a girl.

Yeah.

That's 100 bucks we'll never see again.

And look.

Just look at that cute way.

Look at this little face, smiling up at it.

Boom.

Say something, Sally.

Boom.

I'll say something.

Boom.

Isn't it cute?

Can you tell me what would you like for Christmas?

The new lines I'm laying an egg with as cool.

Yes, there we hope for a wonderful family.

Maul was a fine woman till her desire for riches got the best of her.

And she turned used car dealers.

She had an idea that would have made a fortune if they hadn't caught her at it.

She was soldering pennies on the front of force and selling them for Lincoln's.

Automobiles, that was all my folks ever saw them.

As a baby, I never had any taupe of powder.

They jacked me up twice so we can Simonize me.

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You can tell this is a fantasy, huh?

Oh, fantasy.

There's coming tonight. What do you want for Christmas?

I can't have anything. We're very poor.

Are you really poor?

Yeah, we don't have anything except what my brother Larry brings in on Saturday night.

What's that? My brother, ever.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Well, most kids want to be an engineer and a big, you ain't going to be sick.

Think you're doing a big dream, you're going to be sick?

Yeah, but that's stupid. I want to be a singer.

An old black magic cut in minutes, well.

An old black magic that knows so well.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Engineer, I'm going to split none of you.

Come on.

A poor little fella.

I couldn't forget the fit of a figure he made.

Standing there as face-pinch with cold as cheeks blue and big holes in his money belt.

All little big one for Christmas was a pair of keys.

I knew he wouldn't get him so I started whittling a pair.

But the crossbees moved away. I didn't see things for years.

And one day walked into my back yard and said,

Hi.

What do you think?

Are we moving to Spokane where I finished grammar school, high school,

and I enrolled in Gonzaga University,

from which I graduated with high honors.

From there I went to the softball in Paris where I studied for her

and I acquired my master's degree in music.

What are you going to do?

I finished your speed.

This is double-dandy.

I don't see, but they'll keep me from falling down open manholes.

Hey, who's this cute bit of fluff coming through the gate?

She's my fiat.

She's so crazy about me. She thinks I'm the only guy in the world.

You're a fiat. I guess I don't give a fuck.

Well, it's a little big.

Oh, it's a really tighty.

Gifts a gunner.

Fluffy up your feathers. Well, yeah, I'm a check-in inspector.

We really go back.

Oh, it's $25,000.

I'm gift pepper. You can't shake me.

You can't shake me.

It's freezing to get out my limit.

The ashes will not pass among you with tongue.

You're quite a dish, honey. I'm in a generous mood today.

You may kiss me if you like.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, come on, honey. Let's go where we can be alone.

I decided I couldn't let him get away with that stuff, I yelled.

Hey, come back here, you.

Yeah, what do you want?

You forgot your skis.

I didn't see Bing for several years,

but he told me he never made any money to the carnation company hired him.

Crosby's hoist made the cows content.

When he's saying they turned to each other and say,

thank goodness, Mathilda, that didn't come out of me.

Hey, you're speaking of the town's not that low.

I'll take a look from here, Robin.

To make a name for myself, I went to New York where I did rather well.

I got quite a jolt one day on Broadway when a shabby derelict

shuffled up to me and said,

hey, mister, you got a dollar for a cup of coffee?

I'm a bummer this thing, I may as well be a high classer.

You know, if I may be a fan, I know you ought to be ashamed.

Haven't you any higher ambitions than this?

Yeah, what is it?

I want to be an engineer and a big twin and go look at his splits.

Oh!

Why a real fan?

Yes, me.

I'm an awful shape.

Can you help me?

I'm sorry, but I've worked hard in New York for what I've attained.

As you applied yourself as I did, you might have achieved a place for yourself on Broadway as I am.

Now, on your way, go along, I'm busy.

Okay.

Hey, no, I'll get you on the paper.

I'll handle the time and express you.

I took pity on Bob, and I added him to my far fill act when my seal died.

You can't sit at him perfectly, I soon told him to sit up clappish,

but there's all one and act as well.

By the everlasting act of the so very moon,

it rhymes with June and June and June and last round band is out of tune.

This is Joe.

Did you hear what the fellow said when he buried the light bulb under the ice house?

Now, what did the fellow say when he buried the light bulb under the ice house?

Man, this isn't the cold cold ground.

That night was Christmassy,

and a little fear that we were playing in Kansas?

Christmassy.

The time of war.

Some good fellowship, especially among homeless actors.

We sat in our dressing room after the performance, a door opened.

The manager of the theater stuck his head in with a genius gleam in his eyes,

smiled in his head.

You'll know how his shirts are fired.

Fired?

For what?

Let him up your axis, man.

But ever since you've been here,

we've been missing popcorn for the machine and the mommy.

We're now in the state of waiting.

This wasn't here in the dressing room with you.

I've packed our lives.

We never stole anything out of the lobby.

And our agent's never been in this room.

Just pack up and get out.

Well, open the trunk.

Yes, thanks, though.

It's hard to breathe through all that popcorn.

We all know what follows.

The two boys may fix your after-sincture for Paramount.

And now, to crown their achievements,

they are summoned to the office of Wild Frank Freeman,

the president of Paramount Studios,

who is a possible point and executive director,

made up that man went.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Well, hello.

Hello.

Hello.

How are you?

How are you?

Well, I won't keep you waiting because no,

you're anxious to know about this.

Naturally, executive director is an important job.

So, we chose the man with the most talent.

So, where's my talent?

I am the man who was most charming and handsome.

A very clear description of me, thank you.

You're going ahead, did it.

So, I want you both to meet the man we selected.

Well, don't stand there and see the way you say it.

Oh, no!

Hi, Frank.

Hi, Frank.

Hi, Frank.

Hi, Frank.

Hi, Frank.

Oh, look here.

Here you go.

Okay.

Frank, what are you doing at Long Beach?

Well, I'm a shrimp boat planet,

and I fought my way out of the net.

Oh, no!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

Frank!

and a wonderful day.

Right, we want to wish you all the season's best.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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