Bonus: International Big Beautiful Women's Day (w/ryliehaze20, feedxmexdaddyy_, theleahbubu)

Hello and welcome back to Thicc Radio, the award-winning podcast where we talk about gaining,

I'm James, and I'm Tim, so let's get into it.

Today we're continuing our series of dinner table talks. We've got a few guests with us, and I'm going to let them introduce themselves.

Hi, I'm Riley. I am super excited for this today. Happy to meet all these women.

Hi, I'm Hailey, a.k.a. B.A.D.X. MeX Daddy. I've been a feed-ism content creator for about three years.

I was on the podcast a couple years ago, but this is my first round table discussion with other BVWs.

Hi, I'm Valia Babu. I am really excited to have another chance here, and if choice be joined by others, and I look forward to the discussions.

Wonderful. Well, listen, ladies, thank you all so much for joining us today.

Today, we are putting together this very special episode for International Women's Day, but of course, we couldn't do it without our gorgeous BVW.

So it is, of course, International Big Beautiful Women's Day, and we're here today to celebrate with some of our gorgeous, big, beautiful women.

So with that said, we have our gorgeous gagal of girls here to chat with us today, and I think as a gorgeous place to start, I'd like to put it to your girls.

What does International Women's Day mean to each of you personally?

I guess to me, the overall is very thankful for every woman who has stepped up and made our independence possible, but also the individual small things that women do for each other all the time.

Throughout my life, there's been so many women who have motivated me and guided me. Some very thankful for them. So I think honoring our mothers, our grandmothers, our neighbors, our friends.

I think that's very important to do as well as the people who are fighting for our rights as well.

I like that you say something about that. And personally, I'm really thankful that I'm still here, and I'm thankful that the things that we face today, my story is part of the global narrative, you know, that's going on.

And I think it's a day that we refuse to be invisible, and that we remind people that women do have a voice, and that we do exist, and that we're here.

I think it's important that to stand up for ourselves and just to be there, to be present, because we shouldn't be stripped, like we were stripped in the past.

My take is a little bit different than both of yours, and it's interesting to hear other people's perspectives. And like, definitely, I think even this community in general, like building each other up and like, just seeing like so much support from other women and other like BVWs

is like super positive, but I don't know if, like, to me, when I hear International Women's Day, like the first thing I thought is like, it can be kind of like patronizing in a way.

Like, oh, we need to make a special day just for women. Like, it needs to be like, you guys can have your day where we're just like, oh, women are great and blah, blah, blah.

Like, almost like there's like an added fluff to it versus like maybe thinking and talking about the real issues, but maybe that's something we can like bring into this episode and go more into like the things that are more negative, involving like gender issues or things involving women.

I think there's absolutely room for all of that, you know, one of the reasons why we want to have this episode in grand space to our women to have a place to speak is because these things are really important.

And for the listeners, we were chatting about this before we started recording this question of, you know, with a day like today, do we want to go deep into certain tropes in conversation, or do we want to keep things a bit lighter and fluffier.

And as we said, we want our women to feel absolutely all the power and authority to take the conversation wherever they feel compelled to go.

So for anyone listening today, if you're in the spirit to keep things light, please do so. And if you want to take the opportunity to take things to a more serious place, also feel the power and the freedom to do so.

That's our pleasure to have you all to do that with us here today. So please go forth.

Yeah, I think, and I think having those conversations is important too, because if we just always come at it from perspective of like, oh, this is positive, like, yeah, women power, like, that's great.

It's like sometimes the like actual things that women want to say, get like glossed over, sometimes we feel like, at least for me, like, oh, I can't say that, like, that's too controversial.

Or I should just, like, keep it, like, people, please see and say like the thing that, you know, other people would want me to say or something.

See, and that, that exactly what we have been trained to be. And that's what I get in trouble with my relationships, because I'm like, I'd be like, oh, you want me to obey? You want me to be obedient?

I am a brat. They, you know, people think they want to be with me until they're with me.

Because it takes a strong man, because I'm stronger than most people from what I've been through, because as a woman, I have faced so much trauma.

And when I start dating these men and start telling them about what I've been through and the strength that I have, they start realizing she's stronger than me.

And I think, like, it really gets to me, like, people don't talk about things.

People, like, I literally was just talking about a new guy. I'm, you know, starting to, like, talk to, we have our first date tomorrow.

But he's like, you know, he's like, we know, like, people, like, women, specifically women, go through a lot of trauma, you know what I mean?

But he's like, I had really no idea the true trauma that many women go through, further day to day today.

And I mean, don't get me wrong. Men face it to you. I'm not, I'm not saying you don't, but I'm saying it's glossed over for women.

I was just going to say, you know, the fragility of a man's ego is, is like, like, you know, and I realize I am a man. And this might be, I mean, I'm trying to be like, not ever let anything come from a bias perspective.

But, like, I, I understand, like, how frustrating it must be to know that a man's ego is so fragile that it has to be consistently stroked in order for his internal balance to be maintained.

Yet yours is expected to go through so much trauma and your, your, like you said, you make yourself quiet about it. And I, it's just, I've never understood this.

I think I shared, you know, I, in a previous episode, I grew up in a religious cult. And it was allowed. It was glossed over. It was put on the child that it was my fault.

How is it my fault as a non-vocal four year old? You know what I mean? I see more men speaking out.

And today, and that actually makes me really happy. More men are acknowledging the lack of rights that we are being taken away, being restricted, the things that are coming for us potentially, you know, the things that we face.

I do like that a lot more men are acknowledging it. It's becoming a lot more aware because we are speaking about it.

Yeah. And just kind of like what you said about how you'll date people. And then they'll be like, wow, I didn't realize like all this happens to you or like they gain another perspective when they like see a look into your life. And I think about my boyfriend and kind of like a similar thing where like dating me and like that I'm a content creator, he sees like the things that men will message me.

And like the things men say and he's like, wow, like I didn't realize that they can be like so much and like so crazy. Like a lot of guys will hear like, oh, all men do this, all men do that. And they'll like get a little bit offended.

Like, well, I'm not that way. It's like, yeah, you're not that way. But then there's like 100 men in my DMs saying the nastiest things. And yeah, that just comes out the territory of being like a sex worker in general.

Like, there's always going to be bad people. But I think in like feed us some and at least like, I don't know, in my side of the community, it's a lot of like, like most of our audience is men and like straight men. And like, it's very much like us women, feed us some content creators. And then the group of men just like screaming at us from the audience.

So that can be like a lot, but that's a whole nother like layer to the whole conversation, you know.

Yeah, I totally can relate to like the men like screaming at you and like telling you what they want all the time. And it's like one person has a spinning one person has that opinion. You're like, just let me be me.

And another thing with what you're saying, Leah, like we definitely need us, like men need to hold each other accountable.

Like if they see something, they should say something. Like, that's your bro. Like, tell him what's up, because if not, then why is he your friend?

If you believe this, maybe the people surrounding you should, you know, you should try to influence.

You know, that makes me think of a common adage that queer men will say to their gal pals, because it's lovely to see all in the gay nightclub.

But who are you going home to?

It's all well and good when you say you're an ally, but if your boyfriend is deeply homophobic, that is unsafe.

Why are you with a homophobic man? And why are you telling me to my face that you're cool with me when I know that the man that you are in bed with is not me, that is deeply unsafe.

And I'd like to take this opportunity to encourage our listenership to really consider these things, especially on a day like today when we have our women telling us what is going on, how they are feeling.

It's not up to you to question. It's not up to you to wonder about these things.

Take it at face value. They are sharing with us some of the struggles and the realities of their experience.

Listen to that and go, okay, what can I do to either make this better for you today? What can I do to support you?

Think about the ways in which you as an individual know that you've been let down in life by other individuals.

So therefore you go, well, I know that I would show up for someone if they needed it.

So this is your moment. How can you show up for the people who need it?

Yeah, I think about a Reddit post I saw the other day in some kind of like weekend subreddit.

And it was a like male feeder just saying like why to like all women, why is money and like all women want to buy their meal and whatever.

And basically I think it comes down to like there's a lot of men in the community who are looking for like partnership and are looking for like relationships just the same and then wondering like, well,

I get so many questions like how do I find somebody who's into this? How do I like, how can I find like a feed to date? How can I find somebody like stuff like that?

So it's like by having the conversations of like these are things that like I that would help you like form those connections with women and stuff and like doing these things instead of doing those things and like maybe calling out other people who are like doing

on cool things and helping it be like more of a safe space for like everyone would kind of help both sides because it's not just to sit here and like bash on men or just focus on all the negatives.

But it's like if you guys are saying from your side that you want relationships and you don't want it to all be transactional and not saying that you know that there's a whole different like part of it with being

content creator and like making money off of this and making this your job. But like on the side of like the forming like actual relationships and maybe people who don't make content or whatever just in the community to like build friendships and stuff like that.

I don't know. I feel like we could give some good advice and stuff that would help them out too so that everything can be like a little bit more positive.

I'm excited for this one because I have dated a lot from the community. I'm like infamous for it.

You know, I've been doing like content creating for like 10 years, you know, I've never felt that I was famous.

But I just found like actually like the guy just started. He found my stuff because I didn't know how Instagram shows your past name and he found it and then he showed me.

I had no idea all the little for the DC and I need to go do all that this week. Okay, I did not know how famous I was on these free sites. Okay.

So I'm like, okay, this is why they approached me with these questions. This is why I never knew. So I've, okay, I've been share weird story.

I, I, you know, we always we all know the app. We always the name. We know her name, right? We all know that app. I've dated for long term relationships from that.

At least and a lot of short term ones and a lot of them was honestly just being themselves, being genuine, not being creepy.

I like that when they approach me. It's it's like I want clarity. Like I really want clarity when you approach me. Like if someone's saying, how are you? How are you? How are you?

They're wasting and you're going to get mad or do we not get mad ladies? How are you? How are you? We're going to block you. Simple, right?

Yeah, they're high. And then you're like high and then they're like, how are you? And you're like, good, how are you? And they're like, good.

So how many of you ladies have something on your profile that describes interest that you're in?

Yeah, shows bring that up, right? How hard is it to say? See, I love I am huge. I'm so passionate about Star Wars and Stargate and Star Trek.

Like I love all three of those. But my top ones are Stargate and Star Trek. So that's all it takes is for one of those nerds to spark up a conversation with me about that.

Hey, who's your favorite character? I saw that you really like this so and so, you know, what, which, you know, which one did you like? Do you like deep space nine?

You know, I really like this character. And this is why. And it makes me want to explain why I like a character because they explained what character they like and why they like it. I'm like, oh, well, they put on this work for an intro and to message me.

And I get excited. I'm like, okay, let me write that. You know, like that's where like instantly you hook me.

This sounds familiar. Like James, this I have experienced this on some of our social media platforms and it's quite mad, isn't it?

And you know, I'm almost certainly in one of our interviews. It was that conversation on like so many men will probably tune in wondering to themselves.

How do I land me the gorgeous feed and I don't mean to oversell the notion of how simple it is, but when a bitch puts in the profile, I like these things.

You could just ask about those things. And in fact, let me make it even simpler for you because if you're the kind of person who goes, I don't know anything about those things or maybe I'm not a fan of those things. What do I do?

You make it very simple. Hey, I hope you're having a really lovely day. Listen, I just came across your profile. I see you're interested in Pokemon.

You know, I've never actually watched an episode of the Pokemon series, but you know what? I know there's a whole bunch of them. Which ones your favorite. I hope you're having a good day.

Boom. I'm on. Like you can be inquisitive.

Given to care about the people that you say that you're interested in, right? Like could we not give some sense of indication that you might be interested in learning about the people who you've reached out to to show some interest.

I remember that we talked about that in one episode about like dating or something, but circling back to the Reddit post what I commented and I totally agree with like trying to connect to the person outside of like sex and kink is like definitely key.

Like first like be like the basic things like be polite, put an effort to like take somebody out on a nice day. Like don't jump right into the sexual stuff. But what I said also is like communication and like making sure you're on the same page with things is super important too.

Because if you're like looking for a relationship and not looking to just like get off or you know like by content or you know indulge in like a fantasy online like if you're looking for something different.

Like making that up for it makes it so much easier like when you message somebody like hey like maybe like I saw you like this. That's super cool. I like that too.

I'm looking to like connect with people outside of the kink and like just meet people in the community. Whatever it is that you're like looking for being more upfront about that I think is important because there are like we have to acknowledge there are going to be people in there who are just like scammers who are just like they heard that I can come on here and I can get money from people and whatever.

And then there's the other group of people who it's like okay, this is kind of our job and like we're here to sell service and like I do want to build relationships with people in the community and like customers and stuff and like have that because like it's more fun if like it's something you can build over time.

But I don't want to give anybody the illusion that like this is going towards something that isn't that if you know what I mean.

Like I have a strict role like when people say I love you like I don't say it back because there are people out there who really feel that way and I don't know how this person is perceiving that so it's very important like I don't do that with my fans because like yes I appreciate and I love my fans like as a whole but like I would say that to someone because there's definitely men who.

I hate to say but they're lonely and they want to talk to you and I'm cool with that but like you have to know that there's like a boundary when I'm at work if I'm on a dating app say like when you think I think when you were talking about I actually made a post on there like a month ago saying if you're going to message me how much you wear how big do you want to get like I'm not going to respond to you if it's a dating app like it's just not going to happen because like.

If you were on a normal dating app that maybe wasn't for like kinks or something the first thing you're not going to say to them like how big are your tits or something like you're just not going to say something like that so why would you ask me that I think it's very important to just be a normal human being and like learn how to communicate if you feel like you can't have a normal conversation like there's things out there for you to like learn how to have a conversation with someone how to talk to someone about what they like.

What you like and how to integrate communication I think it's lacking a lot.

This is when you can you know maybe book a video chat with us.

Gallows and we can give you some personal hits.

Yeah.

Give you some practice.

We should create like a girl.

Like a girl.

Yeah.

You know.

I've done it.

I've done it.

You know what I mean?

It's so like.

I want to.

Sorry.

I want to date with someone recently.

He's like that's what you could sell.

How to date a feeding like content like how to do that.

I'm like really is there Margaret for that?

He's like.

Absolutely.

Go.

Even on the gain as side of this shit.

Right.

Like it is incredible.

Okay.

I don't know what it is.

Like I understand like as we're talking.

Yes, it's absolutely like a category of humans who like don't have the social skills.

And like that's where the cock up happens and like you can learn and like sure.

But there is also something to be said that apparently perfectly normal human beings are like just cruising along in life.

Doing totally fine.

And then they enter a kink space and then they just use off the cliff into utter madness.

And then you just like what happened to the fully adult.

I think there's something about a kink that just activates the lizard brain or something.

And maybe it only happens in men.

Maybe we're so hormone driven that we just revert back to cavemen.

We come to a new space.

I'm going to say this.

I'm going to say this.

Right.

And I feel like you and I can say this as people who were raised and coded as men.

And we know this to be true.

Right.

Men are not raised to be men.

Men are excused to be men.

Okay.

When you think about this because like I grew up as one of two boys in a five kid household three girls two boys.

I know good at goddamn well like it was never put to me.

Certain emotional needs and expectations as regards to my siblings.

Certain things were never put to me.

Things that when I left home and was trying to be an adult for the first time.

I was truly sat there going like, well, hey, how do I fucking do this?

I had no clue because I'm a kid.

I don't know what I don't know until I'm an adult.

And I know that if I don't do it, it doesn't get done.

And so I'm sat there going, well, how was I supposed to learn this?

When was this supposed to come up?

Because those things are being taught.

Our boys are not being raised to be men.

Our boys are being excused to become men.

And I don't think they're being held to account.

I don't think they're being given guidance.

And that's its own issue.

I don't think there are enough men in this world who are doing the right thing.

Who are trying to lead our boys and helping them become men.

But I do just want to say I don't lean into the nature argument.

One bit.

I don't give it up for none of that.

No, if you are a boy, if a boy acts a ball, that's choice.

And it's an action.

It is a learned behavior that can be unlearned.

I refuse to believe that there is a nature aspect that makes any action of his being a not good person out of his control.

I think every boy and every man can learn to do better.

I think a feeding dating service, a coaching service would be fun.

Fantastic.

That's maker.

I don't know.

Maybe we should start a podcast series, y'all.

Maybe this might be a good idea.

Go on.

Like, three part series.

The bachelor.

We could do pop the balloon.

Bachelor for feedies.

Oh, my God.

That would be a great series.

You know, but I was going to bring up what you kind of struck a note with what you just said, James.

So you said something about, I don't know exactly what it specifically was.

But it made me hit a note about like single moms and like, you know, having to raise like boys with like girls.

And like how honestly it's sad how.

This is where it's going to get political.

There is a lot of single poor moms that they have to be like single moms for benefits.

It's our system is set up in a way.

It is punished to have a father figure and their father in the home.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, because they'll take both of your incomes into account.

Like if you're living, especially if you're married, then you can't separate it at all.

And then they, they're like, oh, well, between your two incomes, which could probably only equal what?

Maybe $50,000 a year.

You should be able to raise the kids on that.

If I may, Riley, are you happy for us to defer to you on this one?

Would you feel comfortable with that?

Sure. Yeah.

Please go ahead.

Because when you get more benefits as a solo parent, then if you were to have two people in the home, I was also raised by a solo mom.

So I can kind of like see how that, you know, came into play for me.

Now I'm also a solo mom by choice.

I don't know if I haven't input on getting financial services yet.

That's okay.

Is there maybe, is there an aspect to your experience as a single mom by choice that you think is pertinent to this conversation at this point?

On the other part about raising boys, yes, because I do have a son.

And I'm really hoping that this generation, my generation, hopefully, I feel like we're becoming more aware.

We talk about things more.

I think we're holding ourselves more accountable.

We're also holding men more accountable.

I think even 10, 20 years ago, we weren't doing that.

So I'm really hoping we see a difference in like our men in the next like 20 years or something.

I don't know.

There's going to be a huge difference, but we can hope with the women now that are raising these boys that are eventually going to be men.

Let's hope that they have the tools that they need to properly do that and that they're not influenced by a man that, you know, doesn't is not with it.

I think I see what you're saying, because like there's a lot of like, I don't want to, like they use like, I don't want to say that word, but like a lot of people that are, you know, we're a lot more aware of things that are going on because we went through it because there was a time where this was happening.

And those that experience when things were like that, we have wanting to then teach differently to our next generation.

We want to teach them better and so there are some people who, you know, unfortunately, the cycle continues.

I live in a family where we have a very toxic cycle that continues and my sister has continued a little bit of the cycle herself and I have just completely chosen to be child free.

I just don't feel with the mental illness in my family that it would be healthy for me to have a child.

So I have chosen to be child free.

I take all the precautions. I have my entire life. It's a big respect by body thing. I won't make content for certain because it's not it's not me, you know what I mean?

Because I don't want to bring something into this world that I cannot personally care or provide for.

And I came from a single mom who was a CNA who worked double shifts trying to provide for us and it still was not enough even back in the 90s and 2000s.

It was still not enough. My grandma and grandpa still took care of us. They still had to like interject because even she was a young mom.

My mom was 16 and my dad was 15 when they had me.

I am a product of teen parents.

You know what I mean? And we went through a whole time where this teen mom show got popular.

So we have a whole chunk of generation now that have become teen parents.

I am your product. You made me.

Do not judge what your child becomes because you did it to them. You did it.

You know, I am that product. And that's what angers me about people like social media, like glorifying things.

It angers me so bad as you could see.

You know, girl, I'm right there with you.

Because I was bitching to James about this and it's not the same thing, but like the.

I was complaining about the fact that, you know, the generations above me, the boomers, the gen Xers looking down on the millennials and being like,

Oh, empathy is a weakness and, you know, you guys are all snowflakes blah blah blah.

I'm like, then why the fuck did y'all write so much of that shit into our children's programming?

Every goddamn cartoon that I watch growing up, they taught us sympathy, empathy, charity.

You know, just like that. Why the fuck y'all y'all sat us in front of Uncle TV and made that the babysitter?

So don't be looking at us like it's art.

Well, you know what? It's the same thing to be said about a powerful woman that can be referenced at Greta Dindberg.

Because governments and media outlets were very much all about Mr. Temberg when she was first talking about the geopolitical of everything when she was first talking about the environmental.

Because they thought, yes, yes, this is a young person.

We can use this as an opportunity to start to rally the next generation behind causes because what a powerful thing to talk about.

But the moment she started drawing the lines of connection between what we're experiencing with global warming and environmental disasters and ramping capitalism and fascism happening in the world.

Certain systems of power said, ah, now you're actually starting to realize that we're the ones behind this.

We don't like that. So now we're going to try and turn the tables on the same sort of situation.

They wanted us to learn about empathy and all of this good stuff under the idea that we were just going to fall in line and start to mirror the exact same negative gendered sexual.

You're allowed to be your own person so long as it doesn't disregard so long as it doesn't step out and become anything different and it's funny to think about what we do as a podcast and what we do as a community.

When you think about revelations that Jeffrey Epstein had a hand in every major fashion outlet that was behind the idea that girls need to be anemicly thin and shaved hell is and need to be young and look like children.

I love that theory.

That's why I like that.

It's not just it's like be as skinny as possible, even if like you don't have boobs in your home, but like just like eat as little as possible.

Be the small size possible to look young.

They want you to look at the rage as possible, but there's evidence now here with the Epstein files.

And so consider this your consider this our dear listenership and especially our women tuning in today.

This is what society has been trying to pump it up since at the very least the 90s.

Okay, therefore an act of obesity in this day and age is an act against all of that bullshit.

Therefore to pursue gaining and feed is to be actively anti pedophilia and actively anti this establishment who was trying to get us the fuck out of here.

You'll get fucking fat and fuck these bitches trying to make us look at it kind of way god damn it.

Oh, the power of the women in this community god damn it.

Yeah, I've had that like I don't know if I brought up the idea or someone else brought the idea, but like men are like animalistically.

It's like you are attracted to a woman who is like going to burst you good children like on a biological level or you know how our program like big hips like you have like boobs big boobs like but like birthing hips and stuff.

Venus of Villendorf I think is the model isn't it it's like the oldest idol that we've ever discovered is humans of of something that depicts humanity.

She has the biggest hits and asks you have ever fucking seen and she dates back like 15,000 years of some bullshit Venus of Villendorf if you haven't seen it look it up but it's true like the oldest model we have found that represents the human body is a big beautiful woman god damn.

And it's crazy because like I you know I was even taught again religious cool teachings trace it back to the cobweights you know what I mean crazy past but it was it was really interesting because they excused a lot of it but.

It's okay so they try to teach us to cover ourselves right where long sleeves to our wrist we weren't allowed to wear pants we had to wear skirts yet your religion okay and what you did to us.

You know what I mean and then I also got to circle back to what Tim was saying about the whole shows I got I really got to mention about that thing about what we were said Bambi right what happened to her what happened to parents then.

What happened a little with that little diner that dinosaur you know the one with the lift full time yes what happened to the parents right yeah.

Of course in the story.

Yes there you go.

They would attach us to something in a rip it away from us every time we were taught in stories in our Disney movies to live a life independently even without parents a lot of those times.

The movies did not have parents and I was watching the new what is it that the one of the feelings I think of it I'm terrible with names inside out yes it showed a lot of the parents I was really shocked a lot of the interactions in the beginning.

That was not something that happened back in our day we didn't see actual interactions a family like that you know what I mean.

And if we did our like the father figure because it was always the dad that was left alive.

Was either like an oppressive force that you had to escape or was a bumbling idiot that you pity now that's a really good point that's a really good point because there was.

God and I cannot remember the name but there's a tiktok user who they have a dissertation in feminine relationships and it's very fascinating because it's a lot of conversations around the ways in which marriage and dating is portrayed in the media.

But one of the things they reference is that if you look at a lot of rom coms and they take like for example 27 dresses right the captain high love it all what is her story where this story begin mum's dead and dad's very sad dad's very sad.

And this daughter who is a child is coded to have to be more mature to take care of the father who doesn't matter that he's a grown man and like look don't be wrong I haven't had the experience of having had children and having my spouse die I can imagine that's dramatic and we all need a good cry.

But like then the movie happens the montage of she's a child and now she's a grown adult and like the man is still useless the man is given permission to be I don't have my woman my wife to take care of me to be my emotion system.

I will simply transfer that responsibility to my child who I will raise to have to try and manage everything for me this conversation thus far like society really does give men permission to do the least and of course just sort of looks at the women around to go you'll pick up the tab.

You'll go on just another bag on the shoulder why don't you just go on carry that to and move forward and give this poor this poor man the opportunity to do have it easy yeah it's quite mad to really consider the ways in which even today so much society does not want to give women space to breathe to operate purely and effectively for themselves free of anything else that goes around when it comes to men.

So you made me think of a really interesting saying I've heard and it was like the person who loves the most is the person who is loved the least.

And as women we are very emotional beings we are not driven by I mean we do still have primal I think primal we all have primal but we we are not visual as visual as men are we're not as like sexual I mean we have capabilities don't get me wrong we have hormones.

We have experiences that change us I'm personally bpd it has changed my sexuality and things that I do personally it really impacts things you know sorry.

It's hard being bpd sometimes because it's you know you're really judge for that and when you bring that up you know it's oh man I just said that but it's not I shouldn't be ashamed of it but I'm so judged by being that.

But I am a product of the trauma I've been through it's not my fault like literally so yeah.

What religious cult were you reason if you don't like me asking.

Okay so this is fun this is a really really fun story.

I love learning about like different things like this.

So I like my mom was able to go back because my family always called it like a non-denominational and it was like what does that mean you know and we didn't really know my my family was very secretive about it.

And as like we got older like a lot of the elders like passed away and we practiced it less of course you know and so my fan my mom my mom specifically got really curious and so I of course got her the ancestry thing right.

And we traced it back to the cobweights and I am related to the dover family of the cobweights and I'm trying to remember what the other guy but basically there is a pastor who came to my great whatever's a dover just remember dover name he owns a two story house and this.

Chris this pastor came and created this crazy religion of the cobweights they would pull people from the buggies because this is like 1876 if I remember because I was just reading this the other day but they would pull people from the buggies and preach to them about the word of God.

We believed in snakes where they would they won't bite me the God protects me you know the snake stuff that you hear about and some different.

I don't know if they got that from that I don't know but that was part of my family stuff you know to me and they would walk the roof of the two story house the blind the blindfold and turn around and walk it to show their face to God and two men decided to come to the farm one night.

And they wanted to see the what the big deal is all these people they I mean my family let they let the herd stock go they they burn the furniture in the front yard they slept on the floors this is a really.

Really fanatic religion back in the day you know what I mean and this it was still crazy even growing up okay and so that I'm just want to give back sort of because it even some of it continued you know the and so.

It was like the they used to use the word sanctify you would have to sanctify your wife to make you blessed and they found out well the single men can't be sanctified then right.

So then you would have to recruit a woman to sanctify you into this school and so people would sleep just everywhere on the farm on floors things like that just to be there and these men wanted to see it and when men ended up be headed on a pike being danced around spoke around and tongue and the other man was able to escape until it happened and of course the tons people came back with pitchforks and everything else and.

The person that is trace back from my family is a little red headed girl that escaped.

She was one of the girls directly related to the Dover family and so she and some of the people that escaped from that attack went to Oklahoma and continued the religion in the country they became a very tight circle of different families that intermingled and I was told that I was going to be marrying like a second or third cousin growing up.

I was told at a young age by my great grandma that I had child child bearing hips when I was six and seven years old and I had already been going through what I've been going through I was not verbal I was in speech therapy school I just started kindergarten I mean how do you even process us as a child you know I grew up.

Already being recorded as a child before I even gave my permission by a family member you know what I mean and this was all an excuse by my cult because men did no wrong in this cult men were on a pedestal men are the ones that gave us the service every day or not like well every service we'd have on Sundays like regular um well Saturday or Sunday I think was Saturday's I think we used to do Sundays.

I think we used to do Sundays and then we transitioned or something but we would do where the men spoke of the Bible we were not allowed to touch it as women we were not allowed to speak the word out of the Bible we were supposed to prep the meal whoever held it you had to make a meal for the everybody that attended and you served the men first when it came to eat after the services.

The children got to eat and most oftentimes there wasn't anything left for the women to eat.

I gosh.

When you went to public you weren't allowed to speak so when spoke to you you were to look down and wait for your male to answer for you and if especially if you were of color and you dared look your eyes up you were going to get punished it was very like racist very strict very pure.

I wasn't like my grandma like she worked us out in the yards and I she worked me in an umbrella because she chose me between my sister that I was going to be went off to somebody and that I was going to be the successful one because I was pretty I had the hips I was going to be the one that brought her what she wanted in this family.

Like it was a very sick call if you're getting at this I think that's when you were talking about that something just came to mind so I used to be married to somebody and they're like culturally men and I so it's kind of like a Jewish thing and just area grew up in there's like homage people a lot of men and I people and not that they're super strict or like.

You know we're specific outfits or do anything like that but more it's just like ingrained in their culture and like the area that I grew up in and I remember before we got married we went he went to like a big non denominational church like just a general Christian church like they have like it's the stereotype of like they have the strobe lights and they have the people with the whole bands and carry under what songs and whatever so more progressive like I was raised Catholic so.

It was definitely a lot more strict and like rigid and rule following and then going to the church with him and it's more I don't know open minded and the preacher kind of gives his opinion stuff but now I'm not religious so I don't really believe in any of that but we went to premarital class or whatever and you could like it was just volunteer whatever I guess you had to take it if you wanted to get married on the church but we weren't going to get married in the church.

So it was like I don't know maybe five six couples and some of the stuff they said kind of surprised me like it wouldn't have surprised me as much if it was like at my Catholic church but like coming from a more progressive like new age non denominational Christian church some of the stuff was surprising like we live together at the time they said we will not marry you here if you guys live together like we won't you can't get married in the church if you live together already.

Which we were going to I'm like okay that brought me their own like a lot of the things people would say it's like you have to just kind of like be like why don't agree with that but like I'm not going to like push it like you kind of accept that like religious people are just like saying these crazy things sometimes and then they've said like I remember this old guys like you can't do anal but you put in like a different terms of like you should be having sex for like procreation and like you shouldn't be doing it in other ways that aren't that.

And the thing that really made me mad and I don't know how much like being raised this way affected my ex because he was a bad person bad partner in a lot of ways or how much is just like you know bad parenting or just dumb decisions on his part I can't say it's all religion but definitely when you're like listening to this and this is like your whole family goes to church and everybody in the community and it's like such a thing especially when you're from a place where it's like very cultural.

It's like a family that, but the thing that annoyed me the most was they were like the man is always going to be the head of the house he's always going to be the one to make decisions he has the final say on everything like you need to let him lead you you need to blah blah blah and all this stuff I thought was really crazy because I'm like you guys are like doing crazy animatronics out there with the fog machine and then you're coming in here acting like it's the 1900s and we have to not live together before marriage.

And we have to you know look to the man and blah blah blah and I'm like this is like crazy stuff you guys are saying and I mean even like his grandparents were more strict with stuff and wearing specific outfits and things and like remember his grandma was like you weren't supposed to kiss until you get married and stuff and just crazy things but even like the newer new age people were saying like some crazy stuff and this is like a like I know Leah you were saying something that was crazy.

It was a little bit more like highly structured and like a smaller group but this is like a huge church that's like you know one of those that you can fit thousands and thousands of people and they're like saying all this crazy stuff and yeah.

Yeah I personally been really afraid of all the religion I've seen even like I learned like there's this college and there they've been watching these you like these instant grams of them interviewing these college students and they're like would you rather drink or kill a puppy.

And they were like oh I rather kill a puppy.

What?

What?

What?

You're hearing all this.

That's religious.

I just, it reminds me of my church days and I obviously I contextualize this through my own queer liberation like I'm so thankful for queerness because it helped me to step away from that and understand that there's so much more to life than just this hegemony, this idea of subjugation and rigidity that is so foul for so many people and you know something that really comes to me.

But I look at the three of you and when I consider other other women that we've got the chance to interview and the perceptions within the fetus community.

There was so much strength and power that comes from individuals who say I am taking full command and control of my body for my own sense of self and if you enjoy it lovely but this is for me and this is about me first and foremost like the sheer power that exists.

And are you sharing your story and what you come through and hailey same for you and Riley the single mom and just there's this constant narrative of the power of women and the ability to step above and beyond and into greatness.

Even as men look on and act incredulous about it like they're so shocked and surprised when actually everything you've gone through and you stand there in your power and it's so incredible.

And like I want to ask of each of you three here on a day like today celebrating your and celebrating women and women in our fetus community what are the conversations that we haven't gotten to have yet that you really want to zero in on while we have the chance to.

What do you guys want to go first I would like to go for hours.

I'm trying to think of something specifically I mean the world is kind of crazy with things like being more oppressed and you know women's rights being taken away and you can't you know get an abortion and some states now and stuff like that is crazy.

How rules are changing and just not as much access like those kind of services and they're trying to push the save act through it's already gotten through the House of Representatives.

Yeah gosh this is like the time to speak out now like calling your representatives like telling them how you feel right now is the time to speak out.

They are suppressing media like big media outlets to so it's like very important that we are staying diligent and communicating with one another and telling the people that are in charge what we want and demanding it.

I think my biggest thing with the save acts as they want to do this but how do you plan on supporting the infrastructure to enforce it that nobody can answer that.

When I was in Oklahoma we put off the real ID for years and eventually we had to come like we had to do it and they had to pop up like independent like things and for weeks weeks at a time and we still were overloaded they still I still didn't get one till just a year or so ago you know what I mean like we.

It was really hard so like even if it gets passed okay sure what are we going to have like your two years to for everybody to try to get it done.

How many people have name changes how many people have been married divorced how many people have had just I don't know children that have aged out and you know they've decided to drop in their parents names because they've gotten divorced I mean there's all these different things you know what I mean.

So how do they plan on even supporting something that they even want to pass is my all my biggest question like and nobody can answer that for me every time I ask people and they want to say blah blah blah blah blah blah how do they plan on supporting it.

I don't think they actually know how they're going to do it they're just saying this is what's going to happen and then it's just going to be.

It's not possible yeah because it's not possible and if you think about it I don't mean to pick parties here but what party do women tend to vote what party are they.

No it's democratic right.

Most women vote democratic it's the stereotype of like the man thinks that her but that his wife is like they go to the polls or whatever like yeah we're voting Republican we're voting Republican then the woman gets in there and she's like I'm going to put down what I actually want that I want to like protect my rights I want to you know go on the side of the democratic party so Republicans are saying we're going to pass these anti abortion things and blah blah blah.

And then not wanting to say that to her husband or whatever I have been abused for my vote I have been forced to vote against my will against somebody personally think about how many women with children.

How many people are scared right now and and I had I not been strong enough this time around it's scary it's hard because I think that's been the hardest part because my heart goes out to all the women out there right now.

God get emotional that are trapped in a situation where they can't disagree.

They want to disagree but they can't and people say well it's easy it's easier said than done when you're in a situation where you're financially dependent things where you're your family maybe they've died maybe they've disowned you because you've chosen this man.

There are so many people even if they don't have children even if there's a relationship.

Just trapped in the situation and it's not as easy as just get out because how where is the infrastructure where are the resources how do they get out of that our mental health services are failing right now.

Is there we are so bad at mental health we don't even want to breed anymore so how does she even get away.

And now the government's trying to make it harder for us to get away and like to vote to have a voice to abort babies if we need to because what happens to us if we say no ladies.

Yeah and thinking about like my past relationships and like I don't know it's hard to leave any relationship but especially like when you see like my parents have like a horrible marriage and a horrible relationship always growing out there fighting like they hate each other but they're still together throughout all this time but seeing that from like parents especially because we look at our parents they were raised even more crazy with these values in them like my mom's afraid.

To get divorced because she's like I don't know how my grandparents will react she's like well maybe when they pass away eventually I can whatever because of just like what we were thrown out like oh you need to respect your husband you need to respect men they were thrown at times 10 you know but then seeing like your parents relationship and it being toxic and then they want to stay together because you know there's so much pressure on that to be a thing.

Then you carry that into your relationship and it's like if you would have more of the figures of like what healthy relationships look like and like what things are and are okay in a relationship and that like maybe it would be easier to leave when things are bad or you would have more foresight into that you know.

I don't think parents realize the effect they have on their kids with what they're viewing and how they're interacting with one another because if they see you down talking like a father is down talking to a mother their mother they're going to be like oh okay maybe I'm supposed to do that and then it's going to be integrated into their mind that this is how I'm supposed to act this is what I'm supposed to do and

there's just yeah because at least in America there's no walls around being allowed to homeschool kids or anything and I just read the other day that in Germany it's actually like illegal to homeschool kids and there's like sometimes not enough protections in there for like the children like okay I'm going to homeschool my kids

because I want to instill my religious beliefs on them but then is anybody actually checking in like whereas the kid goes to school they have teachers and like people who can like report them to CPS or who they can talk to about it like other like people in their lives and then there's other people are like homeschool their kids and then their kids have no one to like go to or no one looking out for them if they're okay not kind of stuff.

I think you just sides of this because I went to school being an educator and I believe in education but doing more research and just kind of seeing how our society operates I am nervous about sending

my own children to school to public school. I have my opinions on how I think school is trying to form our young minds and I wouldn't I would hate for it to be completely taken away from school.

I do think you know there should be regulations people should check in but then I have and also I have a huge thing but like I don't want the government stepping in on how I'm raising my child.

Obviously we need to speak up for children who are being taken advantage of and things like that so I can see both sides of the argument completely.

I just personally think our education system is not really set up in a way to truly build education in a person for a society because if we did we would tailor our classes for the person and not make them take things that isn't going to be relevant.

We have things that just aren't relevant like why aren't we teaching how to do taxes in school why aren't we having like a financial class you know instead of just a math class why aren't we doing a real application to it.

And being it taught differently even in our curriculums like why is it even set the way it's set why are we there's so many I feel like we just lack in our education that I feel like I have seen and like I've read in other education things across the world that they just start from early age very differently than we do in the US.

And we just don't we don't do that we don't it's like it's like a babysitting thing and let's teach them the minimal amount so they comply so they obey see my favorite words here.

I know we're coming up a little bit towards the end of our time today and I feel like there have been some very powerful conversations that really center on the ways in which.

And I feel like I mentioned this earlier it it's good to be reminded that many of us seem to think to ourselves that the conversations on how women are treated in such a controlled way often seem to be framed of as in the past doesn't happen anymore we live in a developed nation a society where these things don't happen and yet it's actually very concurrent and we live many of us under an administration that is looking to see a return to even more of these things and.

And again I want to give thanks to each of you for speaking and sharing your experiences today what you've seen what you've heard what you've experienced because I feel like this is context for people who don't seem to understand that these things are very real and they are here and they are happening and.

And how do you want to round out today what do you want listeners to consider and take away from today's conversation i was thinking maybe we could at least try to inject a little bit of positivity in the end to talk about things that.

We enjoy about other women like I was thinking about like what I said at the start that I think it's so great how women can come together and like support each other and we're definitely seem to have mean there's a whole male loneliness epidemic like there seems to be a lot more community with women and empowerment with women and a lot more of us like standing together so i'm thankful for that.

Because I think sometimes men don't necessarily have that in their relationships as much.

I actually really love that because you know I haven't really been able to do a lot of things I wish I would have done you know like I felt really limited but there are women that went and did the damn thing you know what I mean like y'all girls are out the rocket it you know what I mean.

So I think that it's great to recognize you know all of those people all the ones that you know that we were told that we couldn't do it or that we shouldn't do it.

That you didn't listen to those influences you didn't list those internal voices that may have taught you continuously because you were told that.

And you still worked past that and achieved it and I continue to want to be in this world because I know that there are women fighting for me in this world.

And I know that there are things that we can do it I know if we stood together we can outnumber we can do this and so I think all the women that are showing up that are having voices that are being present so thank you.

Because sometimes I have not been able to show my voice I have been silenced and thank you for being the voice when I was silenced.

Yeah I like that I think it's very important to if you have the platform if you have the voice if you can speak up you speak up for those who can't I would say to listeners to make sure that you're doing your own research and you're not just listening to what someone is telling you make sure you're forming your own opinions.

And then again help influence your voice you know and come to me for dating advice on how to date a feedie.

Now listen that might be a cute way to end this because we talked about this at the beginning I think all of you all have had such story experiences I would love to see something developed where we have our women led initiatives to see people improve and do better I think that's fabulous.

But again I just want to thank everyone for their time today I think this was deep I think this was powerful and I think very relevant and very necessary so thank you everyone.

Now where can the listeners find each of you online.

You can find me on Instagram at Riley's 20 curve and just a great place to look for me I got a lot of links out there as well so Google me.

Yeah if you just Google feed xmex daddy a lot of things will pop up but on Instagram it's feed xmex daddy with two eyes and an underscore on courage only fans Twitter Tumblr Reddit.

Well you can find me at the Leah Boo Boo on Instagram and TikTok my journey has changed a little bit in the community but I am still very present I still find my community very much my friends and even though I've gone through a different journey I'm still here so hi guys bye guys.

Oh my goodness what a powerful episode but that is a wrap now here on thick radio please remember to like and subscribe rate us five stars and leave us a good review.

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Thick Radio is a Spotify podcast.

Artwork, Media Design, Editing and Production by James Hineson.

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