Church Soup News (April 17, 2026)

Welcome back to Church Soup, the greatest evangelical news show in the history of the

Internet.

I'm your host, Keith Foskey, the Harbor Freight Doug Wilson, King of the Ommolineals, and

Little Known Fact, doppelganger for the Bigfoot character in the movie Harry and the Henderson's.

By the way, if you've never seen that movie, you should.

It stars the amazing John Lithgow, the incomparable Donna Michi, and the seven-foot, two-inch Kevin

Peter Hall, playing Bigfoot, who also played the alien in the movie Predator.

That dude's a legend, and so is Harry and the Henderson's.

So go check it out after you watch this video, of course.

Here at Church Soup, we gather up all the church-related news from around the web, mix it together

into a hearty stew, and serve it to you in about ten minutes.

This episode of Church Soup is brought to you by our friends over at Squirley Joe's Coffee

and Dominion Welp Strategists.

Be sure to watch to the end to learn how they can serve you.

It's also brought to you by my new book, A Biblically Functioning Church, which is available

now for pre-order on Amazon.

And now for our top story.

They say everything's bigger in Texas.

While this past Easter, that was certainly accurate when the largest Easter drone show

ever was put on display in Manville, Texas.

It began with a 5,000 drone opener and grew to a 10,000 drone finale, breaking previous

North American records.

The show titled Jesus, Jesus, Jesus featured biblical scenes from the life of Christ, including

the birth, the crucifixion, and the resurrection.

Over 25,000 attendees gathered to watch the nightly display, which featured scenes over

700 feet tall.

One local Presbyterian minister who could see the display from his home was asked his

opinion of the event.

And he said, quote, it was certainly the largest violation of the second commandment he'd

ever seen.

Video games have been a part of American life for decades.

What began humbly in the latter half of the 20th century with simple games like Pong and

Pac-Man has grown into a fully immersive multimedia experience, capable of simulating entire

worlds.

Of course, video games have never been strangers to controversy.

Critics have long blamed societal ills on violent first-person shooting games, and

those which reward misbehavior like Grand Theft Auto.

But this April a new game has been announced, which may stir even greater controversy.

I am Jesus Christ as a first-person open-world simulation game that allows players to step

into the role of Jesus exploring a 40 square kilometer area around the Sea of Galilee,

while performing more than 30 miracles, baptizing followers, and even fighting the devil.

Researchers are able to walk on water, heal the sick, feed the multitudes, cure the blind,

and apparently unlock achievements along the way.

The current listed price ranges from $13.49 to $17.59, which honestly surprised me.

I thought at the very least it would have cost 30 pieces of silver.

Also how do you lose the game?

Does Jesus die?

And if so, does he come back after three days?

Do you get three lives like in Super Mario?

Or can you hit up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, be a start, and get infinite

lives for Jesus?

I have so many questions.

By the way, that was a contra reference to all those who have never played the greatest

video game system ever created, the original Nintendo Entertainment System.

But not to be outdone in the blasphemy department, Tech Company just like me has launched AI Jesus,

which people can talk to or pray with for $1.99 a minute.

And whose look was based on Jonathan Roomey, the actor who portrays Jesus on the television

show The Chosen.

Here's a video of a demonstration of the AI, but I have included a 2CV shield for anyone

concerned about this being an image representing Jesus.

Hi, Jesus.

My name is Jeff, and I've been having a really hard time in life, and I'm looking for some

inspiration and guidance.

That heaviness you're carrying is truly felt, and I want you to know you're not walking

through it alone.

You know, Jesus was willing to turn over tables in the temple because the people were treating

his father's house like a market.

Do we really think he'd be good with treating an encounter with him like a 900 number that

literally charges by the minute?

Is Elvis alive?

Judge for yourself by calling the 900 number on your television screen.

4, 3, what's the number now?

0, 8, 9, 1 Hello, is this 1, 9, 7, 6 psych?

Honestly, I truly hope this was a blast for them because it's certainly a blast for

me.

Sometimes you hear things in church that make you think, and then you hear things that

make you cringe.

Well, here's one that's sure to do the latter.

As I was leaving this morning, my partner was reading Alice Waffer and hit me with this

crazy quote, which is that everyone deserves to worship a God who worships them back.

You know what?

I think I've heard this before.

But if God worships me, listen guys, I realize the varsity level of narcissism which exists

in this world, but to insinuate that worship is transactional and goes both ways between

creature and creator is literally the opposite of everything the Bible teaches.

Worship has one object and that is God.

We are not to worship angels, idols, or especially one another.

So again, I want to remind you, God doesn't worship you.

If you think he does, I made this short video compilation just for you.

But in the end, what I really want to say is, stop it.

Moving on, British pastrix Cheryl Bartley has been charged with manslaughter following

the drowning death of 61-year-old Robert Smith during a backyard baptism ceremony that was

conducted in a kiddie pool and live streamed on Facebook.

According to reports, Smith, who suffered from Parkinson's disease, died on October 8,

2023.

And Bartley is finally scheduled to appear in Birmingham magistrate's court on May 14th.

Bartley claims to be an apostle who has personally visited heaven, has been directly appointed

by God, and she says she is able to see and command angels.

So it's a minister that God has burnt himself where you won't see anything around the

world like it, because I work with angels, numerous angels.

As you can see, you come.

I wasn't touching people or anything, it's angel, so I will tell the angel to do stuff

and they'll do it.

I'm not under anybody.

I've been taken to heaven where he has anointed me and appointed me for this.

So people is wondering how I work in this field.

I have been appointed by God.

Now I personally reject Bartley's claims to divine revelation, along with her stories

of heavenly tourism.

And I find it genuinely sad to know that her gross negligence led to the death of a physically

vulnerable person.

And what makes matters worse is that following Smith's tragic death, Bartley reportedly

posted a video to social media claiming she saw him in heaven dancing with Jesus.

Since it's apparent she has no shame and she is obviously making things up anyway,

I would have guessed that she would have seen him walking on water.

In all seriousness, when someone claims apostolic authority and the ability to command angels

and a vulnerable man dies under their care, the issue is no longer merely theological.

It becomes criminal.

Church soup truly hopes that the only ministry she'll have in the future will be a prison

ministry.

Disney animation is known for making some of the most memorable films in history, often

with a company music that goes on to have a life beyond the movie itself.

Who among us has not found ourselves belting out, let it go, and a whole new world, or

my favorite, Hakuna Matata?

It means no worries.

But while these songs can be fun, they are certainly not intended to be used in corporate

worship.

However our next video comes from a church that decided, you know what?

We have literally thousands of songs about God, Jesus, the Bible, all of these to choose

from.

And let's sing a tune from the hit movie in canto.

You know the funny part is I don't even understand why they would have chosen this song.

There doesn't seem to be any explanation leading up, just the leader saying, sing along

if you know it.

Well of course I know it.

I have three girls.

This movie more times than Star Wars.

But what does it mean?

Why are we unwilling to talk about Bruno at church?

Someone on X suggested that this was being sung during the offering and perhaps the

message was, we don't talk about money.

But the song doesn't say we don't talk about money.

It says we don't talk about the member of the family with the ability to see into the

future and provide vaguely negative prophetic announcements predicting unfavorable events,

or Bruno for short.

Next week I hear they're going to sing when you wish upon a star during the prayer

time.

And for the next message on heaven, just have the praise team sing a whole new world.

And during the mean greet, you can sing, be our guest.

And then for your next baptism, you can all say, on that a sea, on that a sea, everything's

better down where it's wetter, take it from me.

Take that Presbyterians.

If there were Pentecostals, they'd be singing this.

Supercalifregionistic, XVL-idocious.

Of course we all know that the greatest Disney songs are actually from the goofy movie.

And I will dial that hill, but feel free to argue with me in the comments.

Akuna Matata, we're moving on.

It's important when it comes to political and religious disagreements that we be willing

to call out errors on both sides of the aisle.

As friend of the show John Root has said, we need to be willing to call balls and strikes

for both sides.

Well, a definite foul ball was hit by the president this last week when he posted a picture

of himself where he appeared to be taking on the role of Jesus, healing a sick man.

Following tremendous criticism, Trump responded the following day, saying that he was not

portraying Jesus, but instead thought it was a red cross worker.

However, an unofficial internet poll conducted by a lesser known internet funny man showed

that many people did not believe his excuse.

To his credit, Trump has removed the post and this will likely go down in history as just

another in his long line of social media missteps.

But this post by the president did trigger much discussion online and in the media, including

a conversation by the panel of ladies on the view where Joy Bayhara attempted to contrast

Jesus with Donald Trump, no difficulty there, but she was saying that Jesus never identified

himself as the Messiah.

But Jesus himself did not run around saying, I'm the Messiah, I'm the Messiah.

Jesus, what's not narcissistic like this guy, but we are the Messiah, it's not narcissism

to say it.

Yes, it is.

You know, I'm no stranger to loud women.

I've run into a few.

That's a prophet's call.

No, that was a loud woman.

But I don't understand how anyone can endure the cacophony of sound, which is the view.

And just in case you're tempted to get your theology from Joy Bayhara, please know that

Jesus literally did say he was the Messiah, both explicitly and implicitly, many times

during his ministry.

Most notably is the Samaritan woman at the well, who said, I know that Messiah is coming.

And Jesus said, I, the one who is speaking to you, am he.

But hey, who would think that a celebrity would get something incredibly wrong about

Jesus?

That's shocking.

We spend a lot of time on the show pointing out the bizarre, the troubling, and occasionally

the downright ridiculous things happening in the broader religious and cultural world.

But every once in a while, we get to highlight something genuinely heroic.

Last week in Paul's Valley, Oklahoma, high school principal Kirk Moore demonstrated the

kind of courage many in the manosphere boast about, but rarely exhibit.

According to police reports, a 20-year-old former student entered the school armed with

two semi-automatic handguns and announced his intention to carry out a school shooting

modeled after the Columbine massacre.

Principal Moore acted quickly to rush the gunman, tackling him, and pinning his head

to a bench while wrestling the firearm from his hand.

Police say there is no doubt Moore's actions saved lives.

And in a later interview, Principal Moore said, quote, I am grateful that my instincts

and training as well as God's hand were available to me.

Frankly, that combination of preparation, courage, and self-sacrifice is exactly the kind

of story we should be talking about more often.

So this week we're introducing our brand new Church Soup Hero of the Week Award.

Principal Moore, if you're watching, we thank God for your courage, we pray for your continued

recovery, and we also want you to know that if you ever decide to retire from education,

the Jacksonville Jaguars could always use a safety who isn't afraid to tackle.

Thank you for watching Church Soup.

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and news stories, and especially for protesting news for the use of their extensive library

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And remember, if any of you want to contribute in the future, you can reach out to me

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Welch Strategists, which we have a video to tell you about now.

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