0:00
If it's too hard to repeat, it's not disciplined.
0:04
That is how you behave your weight into confidence.
0:07
Every time that you dodge the truth, you lose respect.
0:10
The fear will be the strongest before you have the breakthrough.
0:17
Discipline should feel hard.
0:18
If it's too hard to repeat, it's not disciplined.
0:23
So I remember I went to it was called body pump.
0:26
Body pump was where you would do like 30 reps of one exercise
0:30
And I remember I went to body pumps three days in a row
0:32
and then I went home and I went to go upstairs to my room
0:35
and I collapsed trying to walk up the stairs.
0:38
And so what I realized is that if something feels too hard
0:43
or too punishing or it's too advanced too soon,
0:46
you're going to associate it with negativity
0:49
and you'll avoid it.
0:50
You're essentially punishing yourself.
0:51
And then when we punish ourselves,
0:53
that means we also avoid the thing
0:54
that could potentially lead to punishment.
0:56
So if every time I work out,
0:57
I hurt really bad after,
0:59
I'm going to eventually avoid working out
1:00
because I know what comes after working out
1:02
is feeling really bad and sore after.
1:04
And we want to make our tasks so achievable
1:06
that we feel good after we've done them.
1:08
And then what happens is if we do something,
1:10
we feel good after we do it.
1:12
Then we want to do it again
1:13
because we like doing things that feel good.
1:16
they're not going to be sharper longer than somebody else.
1:18
They just know when they're not
1:19
and to delay the decision.
1:20
There's somebody that's probably before your time
1:22
if you're watching this video,
1:22
but his name is Brian Tracy and he popularized this idea.
1:25
And I remember it to the state
1:26
which is called Eat the Frog.
1:27
The premise is this,
1:29
if you had to eat a live frog every morning,
1:32
like fly the things like laughing in your mouth, right?
1:34
Everything else would be like,
1:35
dude, it's a breeze.
1:36
I ate a frog this morning.
1:38
That frog represents your hardest,
1:41
the highest leverage task.
1:42
Okay, the one that you would avoid,
1:44
but that would move your life forward the most
1:46
because we know eating frogs is powerful.
1:48
Identify something you've been avoiding.
1:51
Now we're going to plan to do it
1:52
first thing tomorrow morning.
1:53
We are going to execute it
1:54
before you check your email,
1:56
your Slack, your Instagram, your Facebook,
1:58
your WhatsApp, your signal.
1:59
I don't know what you use,
2:01
but before everything,
2:02
you're just going to do that.
2:03
And you're going to say,
2:04
I am not allowed to do anything else until it's done.
2:06
Do the hard thing first.
2:07
Reward yourself second.
2:08
Choosing to tolerate fear and discomfort
2:11
is how I've been able to transform everything that I have done.
2:14
Everything I've been terrified for.
2:15
From content creation to public speaking,
2:17
to running a giant company,
2:18
to buying multiple buildings,
2:20
Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep fear.
2:24
Means your brain is working properly.
2:26
It's not wrong that you feel scared.
2:28
Your brain is wired for survival, not success.
2:30
It will continue to feel scared
2:32
until you do the thing.
2:33
The fear will be the strongest
2:36
before you have the breakthrough.
2:37
Say you're terrified of public speaking.
2:39
You're going to step on that stage.
2:40
This happens to me every time.
2:42
Then within 15 seconds,
2:43
my heart rate starts to go from like 190 to like 150.
2:46
And then within a minute,
2:48
I start to feel like I've spit my mouth again.
2:49
And then within two minutes,
2:50
I don't feel any of it.
2:51
It's not because I try to get rid of the fear.
2:53
It's because I didn't run away from the situation.
2:55
What I learned in doing all these things
2:57
is that my emotions follow my motion.
3:00
That is how you behave your way into confidence.
3:03
And you build up so much evidence
3:05
that it would be unreasonable not to be competent.
3:08
Speaking truthfully without emotionally vomiting.
3:10
A lot of people lose respect for themselves
3:13
because of what they say to other people.
3:15
And then they walk away thinking.
3:17
I shouldn't have said that.
3:18
This is when people speak from unmanaged discomfort.
3:21
Rather than speaking truthfully
3:23
in alignment with the results they want.
3:25
A question that I ask myself all the time
3:27
is what do I want to have happen from this conversation?
3:30
Like what's the action I want this person to take?
3:32
People go around in the workplace,
3:34
in their friendships, in their relationships,
3:35
emotionally vomiting because it feels good in the short term.
3:38
And it feels really bad in the long term
3:40
because you don't build that self-respect.
3:41
And so if you think about it,
3:42
self-respect is like fitness.
3:44
You just do it one rep at a time.
3:45
Every time you choose not to betray yourself.
3:48
And every time you betray yourself,
3:49
you lose self-respect.
3:50
It's just the thing.
3:51
People who really respect themselves,
3:53
they just leave situations
3:54
and people who don't respect them.
3:56
They don't complain about it.
3:57
And they certainly don't YouTube
3:58
Google search videos about it.
4:01
They ghost them and they leave.
4:03
So self-respect is built in systems
4:05
that make it easy for us to keep promises to ourselves.
4:08
Success does not discriminate.
4:10
Confidence does not discriminate.
4:11
It doesn't care where you've come from.
4:14
It doesn't care about your background.
4:15
It doesn't care about your experience.
4:18
is the fact that you put in the work to get it.
4:21
Your brain gathers evidence.
4:23
And evidence is what builds the identity
4:26
and confidence over time.
4:27
Our brains like to predict what's likely to happen.
4:30
If you've never done something before,
4:32
your brain says, I don't know what could happen.
4:34
So I'm going to make you scared.
4:36
And if you're scared,
4:37
you're going to avoid it,
4:38
which means that you won't die.
4:40
Because our brains are wired for survival not success.
4:43
And so it is crazy to think
4:45
that you would actually have confidence
4:46
when you haven't done the thing yet.
4:48
You will become confident once you've done the thing.
4:50
Because your brain does it.
4:51
It sees you didn't die.
4:52
And it says, it's okay. You can do it again.
4:54
Now, here's the thing.
4:54
I wasn't like forever confident now.
4:56
Because just like a muscle that you work out
4:59
gets weak if you don't put it under pressure.
5:03
Confidence is like a muscle.
5:04
So if you don't work out that muscle,
5:06
it's just going to get weaker and weaker over time.
5:07
We measure people by what they cost you,
5:11
Just because somebody talks up a big game
5:13
doesn't mean that they should be in your life.
5:14
If somebody makes it harder
5:16
to behave like the person I respect being,
5:18
they are too expensive to have in my life.
5:20
Like no matter how charming,
5:22
how connected, or how important they are.
5:24
People ask me all the time.
5:25
Layla, what do I do?
5:26
My boss, I know they don't respect me.
5:28
How do I manage them up?
5:30
Person's not going to change because of you.
5:32
People barely can get themselves to change.
5:34
And I know that you're probably thinking,
5:35
well, but this job, I can't get another job.
5:37
Or like, this is my business partner.
5:39
Like, I have to make it work.
5:40
Or I've been married for this, like, I understand.
5:42
But at the same time, there's a quote
5:44
that comes to mind every time I think of this,
5:45
which is like the definition of insanity
5:47
is doing the same thing over and over and over again,
5:49
expecting a different result.
5:51
The situation won't change unless you do.
5:52
And you don't change by wanting.
5:54
You don't change by wishing.
5:55
And you don't change by feeling.
5:56
You change by doing something different.
5:58
Someone can't disrespect you if you leave the situation.
6:00
And so allowing someone to continually disrespect us
6:03
is when you give away your own power.
6:05
Discipline means stopping a behavior immediately,
6:08
but that almost always fails.
6:09
So you don't need to be perfect right away.
6:11
You just need to take a step towards the next best alternative.
6:14
What you want to do is identify
6:16
a realistic better, not perfect alternative to your habit.
6:20
So instead of drinking vodka, maybe you drink a seltzer.
6:24
Instead of drinking a seltzer, maybe you have a craft beer.
6:28
Instead of a craft beer, maybe you're going to have
6:30
a non-alcoholic beer.
6:32
Maybe then seven non-alcoholic beer,
6:34
then you're going to have a diet coke.
6:35
And then after diet coke,
6:37
you're going to say I'm going to have a sparkling water.
6:39
And you see how it goes.
6:40
It's like you take tiny little steps.
6:42
You don't just make the big swing all at once.
6:44
And so small steps in the right direction
6:47
turn into big changes over time.
6:49
It's just that most people are so impatient with themselves.
6:52
They don't allow themselves to get there.
6:53
And they stay stuck in this cycle of going big change
6:56
and then back out, big change again, back out.
6:59
Stop seeking approval.
7:01
Every time that you wait for somebody else to say go,
7:04
you give them control over your future.
7:07
You want to have your own approval.
7:08
And approval from what I would call like
7:10
your future board of directors.
7:12
Who are the people you look up to?
7:13
With they approve of you doing this.
7:15
Most people are waiting for permission
7:17
from people who aren't even where they want to be.
7:19
And are even achieving their own goals,
7:21
let alone helping you achieve yours.
7:23
They ask their parents.
7:24
They ask their spouse.
7:25
They ask 12,000 people in social media.
7:27
And then they feel more confused
7:28
because you have contrary evidence.
7:30
And you feel more confused
7:31
because the thing is this,
7:32
asking for opinions does not create clarity.
7:35
Action creates clarity.
7:36
Most people give you advice based on their fears,
7:39
not on their knowledge.
7:40
And so they're giving you advice
7:42
based on what didn't work for them.
7:44
Didn't work for their dad, mom, spouse,
7:46
partner, brother, whatever it is.
7:48
And here's the thing.
7:49
Anyone who's successful,
7:50
anyone who makes money,
7:51
you know how they got there?
7:54
not consensus of everybody in their life.
7:56
I would even go so far to say this.
7:57
If everybody approves of your decision,
7:59
it's probably wrong.
8:00
Discipline isn't sexy.
8:03
And boring is what scales.
8:04
Boring is what works.
8:05
People say all the time.
8:06
I would love to see a day in your life, Leila.
8:08
And I'm like, well, that's boring.
8:10
Because my life is a series of systems
8:12
strung together every day.
8:13
I have a system for every aspect of my life.
8:15
But here's the thing.
8:16
Those systems, those are discipline.
8:21
They look boring from the outside.
8:22
But they get the results that I'm looking for in my life.
8:25
Doing simple things consistently
8:27
is what actually leads to massive success.
8:29
I have literally never had a time
8:31
where I have woken up on a single day
8:33
and thought I want to do every single thing today.
8:35
Because most days I wake up,
8:37
I at least don't want to do one thing.
8:38
I don't want to do the workout.
8:40
I don't want to talk to the person.
8:41
I don't want to have the hard conversation.
8:43
I don't want to do the interview.
8:44
But I also know that feelings are pleading.
8:47
And I want the long-term satisfaction
8:49
of knowing that I can stick with something,
8:51
knowing I have control over myself
8:53
and knowing that I've mastered something.
8:54
Discipline is not just going to bring you closer to your goals.
8:57
It's going to bring you closer to the person
8:59
that you want to be.
9:00
Stop avoiding hard conversations.
9:02
People won't say it out loud,
9:04
but they are counting every single time
9:06
that you avoid doing the hard thing.
9:07
Every time that you dodge the truth,
9:09
And so executive presence means being the one
9:12
who will say what others won't say.
9:14
I remember there's a quote from Mark Zuckerberg
9:16
that I actually really like.
9:17
your job as a CEO is to be a truth teller.
9:20
You have to tell the truth even if nobody else will.
9:22
So what you want to do
9:23
is you want to replace avoidance with confrontation.
9:26
It's not that you just want to confront people
9:29
and loosely call people out, act like an asshole,
9:31
but you want to confront them with composure.
9:32
And what that means is you want to be honest.
9:34
Because when you're honest, that builds trust.
9:36
When you soften the truth,
9:37
when you avoid the truth,
9:39
you create confusion.
9:40
And when you name names,
9:41
you become the person to look for
9:43
when you want solutions.