Dad TOOK my car and got into a CRASH with it, then REFUSED

I hope you enjoy this story.

Dad took my car and got into a crash with it, then refused to help me get to work.

As a result, my caretakers kicked me out, and I found out that my finances were in disarray.

Mother has harbored resentment for a long time.

Me since birth.

I, 21M, have been living at my parents' house due to recent life events.

We have a pretty good relationship, but of course we have our moments.

Well about a week ago, my mom was at work and my dad needed to run by the store.

He couldn't wait until mom got back so he asked to borrow my car.

I agreed to let him have it as I didn't have anything Jay needed to do right then.

Well about 40 minutes later I get a call from him saying he had been in an accident.

Of course that scared the shit out of me and I made sure he was okay first.

He said he was fine and explained the accident.

Long story short, he ran a stop sign and smacked straight ahead into another vehicle.

Luckily, no one got seriously injured.

Accept my car.

It's busted up pretty bad.

Without going into much detail the bumper, headlights, hood, and parts of the engine are messed up.

I got my car in the shop and I'm still waiting on the estimated time it will take for me to get it back.

Until then though, I need a car to get to and from work.

And that's where the problem is.

See me and my mom have different work schedules but similar enough to where I could see us working something out.

She usually goes in an hour earlier than me and gets off about 30 minutes before me.

I figured I could drop her off, go to work, then pick her up.

Well my mom hates that idea.

She says that she doesn't want to have to rely on me to pick her up or get her to work on time.

She said since she wasn't involved in the accident she shouldn't be affected by the consequences.

I told her it would just be until I got my car back but she didn't care.

I was expecting Dad to back me up seeing as he's the reason I got into this mess.

But instead he just agreed with her and said I should find a different way.

The problem is there is no different way.

There's no good public transportation system in our town and we live about 45 minutes away from where I work.

My dad then suggested I bike to work which I quickly shut down.

I'd rather not have to bike all the way to and from work every day when we could literally just share a car.

I told them it was unfair for them not to let me use their car since Dad crashed mine.

Then they said I was just being ungrateful as they were already putting a roof over my head and I shouldn't expect much more from them.

I have no idea where they even thought I was being ungrateful.

All I'm saying is why would I choose a harder, more time consuming way to work when there is an easier option.

Am I being unreasonable?

I feel like at the least Dad could convince Mom to let me use their car since this is his fault.

But instead, he's just sitting there agreeing with everything she says.

I would ask my siblings to chime in on this but knowing them they'll just agree with my parents.

So Ada?

Comments where Op has replied, commenter one, this is a tough one.

Dad should obviously step up and take care of this.

Why isn't the insurance covering a rental while yours is in the shop?

Are you living rent free at your parents?

NTA?

Boop, I'm allowed to live with them rent free as long as I'm saving money in order to move out again.

I do buy my own groceries and help with bills though.

So it's not like I'm totally living off of them.

As far as the rental car goes, apparently that's not something I chose to add to my plan.

So something stupid on my part.

Commenter two, NTA.

Your mom's objection is that she doesn't want to rely on you to get her to work on time.

Ask her to take you to work and pick you up.

Yes, you'll be inconvenienced by the earlier arrival time but you will have arrived at work

without having to take public transportation or ride a bike.

Maybe you can start earlier and finish earlier, at least for the short term.

Failing that, honestly, your father needs to own his errors here.

He wrecked your car, he needs to get you to work while your car is being repaired.

Maybe he's got a friend who owes him a big favor.

Maybe one of your siblings can do him the favor of loaning you a car.

Maybe he can come out of his pocket to pay for rubbers or a rental.

You have grounds to sue him, as he has created a problem that is impacting your ability to work.

A court case is the nuclear option, though, and I wouldn't drop that bomb until I was already out of their house.

Oop, I brought up the idea of her dropping me off and picking me up.

She says it will mess up her schedule and that she doesn't want to wake up any earlier than she has to.

I feel like she's just unwilling to even try to share the car.

Comment or three, info, do you pay for your own car insurance and upkeep on the car?

Also, did you buy your car or did your parents?

Oop, I brought the car and I pay for the insurance and any maintenance it needs.

Update, for a little backstory of 21M had been living with my parents due to some recent life events.

About a month ago I made a post here talking about how my dad crashed my car and my mom refused to let me use theirs for my commute to work.

Long story short, my parents ended up paying for the expenses to have my car fixed.

We did also end up sharing a car until I had mine's back.

After that I thought it was done and over.

My mom made a comment about it here and there but it didn't seem to seriously bother her.

Until about a week and a half ago.

She demanded that I pay them all the money for my car expenses back.

She said it wasn't fair she lost money to an accident she didn't cause.

And I think that's fair but I reminded her that I didn't cause it either.

Dad caused the accident and I told her I'm sorry that it ended up affecting her as well.

But that didn't change the fact my car had to be fixed and it was dad's responsibility.

She got really mad at dad and started on a rant about how it was unfair and I was using them for money.

And what was my dad's response to all this?

He just agreed with her.

I ended up just telling her what I've already said because there was honestly nothing else to say.

She's been very upset with me since then.

But she never mentioned any possibility of kicking me out.

So imagine my surprise a couple days ago when I came home to all of my stuff being outside

of the house in boxes. Literally on the curb.

I was honestly shocked and mad about this and I immediately went in the house to question

my parents about this. My mom said that she was tired of letting someone so ungrateful live

in her house. My dad just repeated what my mom said but in a kinder way because I guess he thought

she was being harsh. I couldn't believe it. I asked her to explain how I've been being ungrateful

and she responded by basically saying we raised you. We went back and forth for a bit and we were

both pretty mad at each other. Then my mom told me to leave the house or else she would call the

police on me. I have no idea if anything actually would have came of hat situation.

But at that point I was so confused and angry that I just went outside and called around to

find someone I was able to stay with. I ended up sleeping at a friend's house.

It's been a couple days now and siblings have both been calling me.

I guess my parents must have told them what happened. I'm assuming it was specifically my mom

bad talking me to them. My sister agrees with my mom and says I should have just paid the money back.

My brother agrees that it was unfair for them to kick me out but also says I should have just

paid the money back. My dad has also been trying to reach me but honestly I've just been too mad

to pick up the phone for him. I'm just so shocked by the whole situation. I wouldn't say me and my

parents' relationship has always been easy street but it's never been this bad. I honestly thought

we were good until all this. The worst part is I was planning to move out and rent an apartment

with a friend once their lease was up in two months. My parents knew that and still decided to do this.

I'm just so confused and I don't understand where they're coming from.

I get they raised me and took care of me and all that but I just feel like that doesn't give

them the right to do this all of a sudden. I don't think I did anything wrong.

So honestly Ada in this situation. Update 1 April 10, 2025

Some things have happened since my last post. I calmed down a bit and decided to finally answer

one of my dad's calls. He started talking about how afraid he was that I was never going to talk

to them again. Then he said that things weren't supposed to go that way the other day and

apologized for mom putting my stuff outside. Apparently the plan was to talk to me about it first

but he said mom got caught up in her emotions. When I asked why he didn't step in he said it was

because he didn't want to upset her anymore. I didn't really want to accept that excuse but I

took it so we could move forward. That was until I got another call from my brother.

Mom's been absolutely shit talking me to him and my sister. Apparently she kept comparing me to

them and how good they're doing. Mind you they're both older than me by several years.

Then she went on a rant about how much harder it's been to raise me compared to them.

At one point he says she even insinuated that I was a mistake. Though he says to take that with

a grain of salt as she didn't outright say it. My brother was uncomfortable with listening to

her talk about me so harshly and he decided to call and tell me. I'm feeling a mix of emotions

about all this right now. Part of me is still mad about the whole suddenly kicking me out thing.

But I'm mostly just sad about it all. Knowing that my mom is saying all this stuff behind

my back only makes me think she really means it and whether she outright said it or not

during that she thinks I'm a mistake honestly crushed my soul. I don't understand why still but

I guess she has her reasons. I don't really want to talk to her again but I do really want to

know the truth of why she feels this way about me. I'm not sure about dad yet. I'm not the type

to cut people off and having to do it to one person is already too much for me. I'm still staying

with my friend as of now until I figure out what I'm doing. I guess I'll see how it goes from here.

Comments where op has replied does Oop have a plan due to his parents kicking him out earlier than

expected? Oop not yet. Before they kicked me out my plan was to get an apartment with a friend

once their lease was up in a couple months. But I'm not sure how that will go since I now need a

new place to stay for now. My friend said I can be at his place as long as I need but I don't really

want to intrude on his space for too long. Comment or two question do you have any extended family

you could stay with? Or at least tell them what happened before your egg donor of a mom lies to

them about what happened. Stay strong and I recommend little to no contact with both parents as

your dad is spineless and unless he pays you for both the car and a new apartment. As you do not

want to go back to living in that hellhole tell him he made his decision to abandon you in your time

of need so you will abandon him as well. Oop all my extended family lives in other states.

I don't really have any kind of relationship with any of them. Comment or three when you said your

siblings were older than by how much. Your mom might have said that because they accidentally had

you laid into their lives or maybe they thought of you as an accident Oop. My sister is 28 and my

brother is in his 30s why are Oop siblings taking their parents side. Oop I think my sister just has

a better connection with my mom than she does with me. As for my brother he says he thinks the best

solution to most problems is the one that causes the least problems. So he thinks if I would have

just paid them back this wouldn't have happened. Update 2 April 14th 2025

So a lot more has happened over the last few days. First I went back home the other day to grab

some important things I needed. I waited to go back over there until I knew my mom would be at work

and tried to make a quick cuz I didn't particularly want to see my dad either. While I was in there

I did tell him what mom had said about me. He did seem shocked she would say that to me or my

siblings. But when I asked if this is the first time she's ever said that he admitted that she's

told him that more than a few times. When asked if he knew why he just told me she has her reasons but

they're not my fault. I tried to get him to explain more but that's really as far as he would go.

I don't really know how I should feel about that but I just went with it. I asked if that's how

he felt about me too. He said it's not and that he loves me. It hasn't really felt like that's

true and I wanted to say that to him. But I just ended up saying okay. I told him I'm cutting mom

completely off in him too for now. After that I took my stuff and left. Fast forward to a couple

days ago. I got a very angry series of messages from my sister about how horrible I am for

turning our brother against our mom. She said I made mom cry and that I should be ashamed of

myself. Needless to say I had no idea what she was talking about. As far as I knew my brother

wasn't against anyone in this situation so I was just confused. I tried to ask her to explain

but I should know by now that I never get an answer from that. So instead I called my brother

to ask him directly. Apparently mom found out that I knew about what she said I'm assuming

dad told her. Then she called my brother and screamed at him for going behind her back and telling

me to which he responded that she was the only one saying things behind people's backs and that she

was being unreasonably mean to me for no real reason. He told her she should get her priorities

straight and go yell at dad for causing this whole thing. Then he told her not to call him again

if all she was going to do was yell about someone or something. I honestly wasn't expecting that

for my brother. He's not the type to step into conflict if he doesn't have to. But obviously

her yelling at him set him off. I'm not trying to say I'm happy she did that but I'm happy my brother

responded the way he did. Obviously she cares more about what he thinks than she does me.

I told my brother about what dad says and he agrees his response feels weird. I asked if he

possibly knows why since he's a bit older than me but he's just as shocked about this all as I am.

He also said he would talk to my sister about everything and get her to back off.

So now I'm waiting to see how things go with that. Like I said before I'm not the type to cut

people off but if my mom is just going to use my sister to talk to me I'm going to block her too.

Also as far as housing goes I decided to take my friend up on his offer and stay until my

other friend's lease is up. That's the update for now. Update 3, April 26th, 2025.

I had a conversation with my dad a few days ago. My brother and I talked him into giving me a

better response than mom has her reasons. I just wanted to know why or if mom had any reason

for saying what she said. And he finally told me. The story according to dad is him and my mom

were in their late 30s early 40s when they found out mom was pregnant again. Which I did know

and after reading some comments thought might be contributing to this whole thing.

At the time they had decided that they were fine with just my siblings and were done having children.

So it wasn't the best surprise to them. But they didn't have any option but to go along with it.

Apparently the pregnancy was super hard for my mom. He said she was always in and out of the hospital.

It put a lot of stress on my parents and they had to worry about mom's life and mine.

Eventually mom began feeling some type of resentment.

Dad even said that mom started to question if the pregnancy being so bad was a sign God didn't

want her to have me. And the birth was apparently also very traumatic for her.

She ended up having to give birth prematurely due to complications and lost a lot of blood during

the process. Which led to more pain and resentment. Dad said mom had a hard time connecting with

me as a baby and that she said it didn't feel right. Then when I was a kid I had some health

issues which added more stress onto their plate. So mom eventually started believing that God had

made some type of mistake and accidentally punished them with me. I want to say that hearing that

did make me sad for mom. And I do feel bad for what she went through to bring me into this world.

But at the same time I didn't choose for her to do that. So to get blamed for it seems unfair.

They had a decision to prevent this if they didn't want it. And they actively chose not to.

Or at least dad did as in his own words he doesn't believe in contraception.

He did also mention another reason though. Mom never wanted me to move back into the house.

She had been waiting so long for the house to be empty already.

So was angry at the thought of me staying at home once again. He said she always thought my reasoning

was stupid and that I was overreacting. Dad ended up convincing her to let me stay for a little while

though. Though I think dad believes the same. He just didn't want to seem bad.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about why I moved back in. But to sum it up my abusive

ex tried to literally kill me. So I had to find a new place to stay quick and at the time

everything was too expensive for me. Plus none of my friends lived nearby then. So my parents were

the best choice and I thought they were fine with it. I've never seen it as a point of tension

between us. But I will say that my dad's made fun of me more than a few times for it.

I assume that's what mom's view is too on it. That it's a stupid excuse.

So that's what my dad says mom's reasoning for all this is. And he's as close as I can get to

asking her directly so I'm going to have to take his word for it. After hearing all of this,

I'm not really sure what to make of it. I wouldn't say it helped and honestly has made me feel a bit

worse somehow. But I'm stupid for looking for an answer in the first place. I've been so stressed

and confused and sad lately that I probably just would have done better accepting the woman

may have hated me for no reason. But now that I've gotten that, I'm still cutting off my mom,

dad, and my sister because she still won't even listen to me. Her and my mom are still harassing me

and I'm just not even in a state of mind to deal with it all anymore. I know I said I'm not the

cutting off type, but I realized I'm going to feel horrible either way. So why not just remove

myself? Obviously they've never wanted me around anyways. And a bit of an update on my current

situation. My friends have still been supporting me and helping me through all this,

which I cannot be more grateful for because if it wasn't for them I honestly don't know if I

could handle all this. In worse news, my job let me know I was being let go, which isn't related

to this situation at all but just feels like a kick in the face. I don't know what I did to

piss the universe off but obviously things aren't going in my favor. So my plan is still to stay

with my friend and get an apartment with another one once their lease is up in two months.

But now I just also have to find another job. Anyways that's the update.

I'm sorry it's so long but so much has happened and been set. I'm feeling absolutely terrible right

now and I'm just trying to get past all this. Hopefully in a couple months I can come back and

update you with more positive news. Also, thank you for all the extremely kind and encouraging

comments and messages everyone has been sending. Reading through the advice and people who have

gone through similar experiences truly has helped. I couldn't be more thankful