Date A Porn Star w/Addis Fouche & Ralph Sutton

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Control has consideration for the safety of all road users.

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Speed will not.

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And now, the bonfire with Big J.

Olkerson and Robert Kelly.

Man, I was trying to hike this room up.

Yo!

No one gave a shit.

It's a little too much.

It's not too much.

It's a little too much.

It's not too much.

It's a little too much.

You get freaked out when Ralph comes in and towers over you.

Me and Ralph are at the age where this is a little too much.

We're a little too much.

I've been at that age for quite some time.

Yeah, we're not.

Ralph's a heavy metal guy and he does also feel like

it's a lot of crazy noise.

My metal was very different.

He go back to my childhood.

So I wasn't, you know, Judas Priest now seems like

light music compared to what's out now.

Yeah, I mean, it's a little performance.

Twisted Tister was heavy metal.

So Judas Priest actually has

game music if you listen to him.

Yeah, if you know that, but he was gay.

You know that Twisted Tister just announced

that Sebastian Bach's going to sing for them

on their next leg of their tour.

What?

Yeah.

Happened today?

What?

Yeah.

Twisted Tister was Sebastian Bach.

Yeah, because he's bowed out of it.

You think he holds a grudge with me?

Yeah.

A hundred percent.

He holds a grudge with me.

We've never spoken again since that.

You think he's pissed at me, though?

What a fucking doof.

Yeah.

He sucks.

Yeah.

Hey, you see him, let him know he sucks.

Yeah, I'll make sure.

Hey, let him know Jay said he sucks.

You could apologize for yourself.

Yeah.

You can tell him I like him.

I'll tell him you like him.

Bobby does not like me.

I met him.

It is the Von Fire Faction Talk Series 6M 103.

Big Joke are sitting the great Robert Kelly.

We have two very fun guests in here.

My own work husband, Ralph Sutton, and a don't film star, starlet.

Was there any stuff saying that in the 70s?

Starlet?

I like Starlet.

Yeah.

Starlet.

They actually murdered one of them back then.

They called their starlet.

They changed it after that.

Okay.

That's why.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, I've resurrected the word Starlet.

Bring it back.

We're going to have to murder you, though.

Hmm.

I'd love to see you try.

I would like to.

This is very strange hitting.

Is this how you date a porn star, Ralph?

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is real number one.

It's called nagging.

Well, well, well, well, well.

I was going to see you.

I will.

I will.

I will kill you.

You look lovely.

I'll kill you.

That was all the time.

Hi, everyone.

My name is Addis Fushe.

Addis Fushe.

Joining the show.

Again.

Again, but this time with less penises in the room.

That's true.

And smaller penises.

Right.

Right.

We talked about, I think, when we did STR.

So we have two words.

Addis came on with three transgender porn stars.

Oh, yes.

Me is a Bella.

Two others.

I don't recall the name right now.

But me is a Bella particularly.

Hmm.

Was on one.

And I don't even mean she was like on one like shitty with

anybody.

She was just having her own conversation.

She was having a good old time.

Yes.

Over the show.

And like, like, we'd be talking to Addis forever.

He has to tell him about the show.

And then she would just start talking to the other girl.

Just into the microphone.

Like, can you believe I'm hungry?

We should go with every episode.

It's like, hey, it was the only time I ever said,

Jay, go, hey, we can't do this.

Jay put his foot down, which he very rarely puts his foot down.

I'm sitting on top of that.

And on top of that, me is dick is 10 inches long.

And like, real thick.

Right now, I don't really once have a conversation.

Like, while the other two points are talking to each other,

we're just giving each other the answers.

Buddy, I just talked about that.

Because one of the things.

So, so we read it earlier on the show.

We read the list.

You sent a Laney of porn stars that you've.

Either went on dinner dates with or dated.

Oh, my God.

Who?

Everyone.

All of them.

All of them.

But Victoria's a drunk.

Yeah.

And that's one of the people you went.

Did you hook up with her?

I made out with her at a penthouse party.

That's right.

And then she came on a bond.

She came on a SDR show.

Oh, it was hard.

That's right.

And she was, she was bringing her there to come.

This is one of my, this is one of my,

I think I have to stop doing the SDR show.

She was like, I'm trying to get my daughter into pornography.

And I was like, I'm trying to make sure my daughter gets not in

pornography.

This is awkward.

And then they were, yeah, just different tiers of Duffy and

Dumb that we were playing a game.

Who knows who better.

Me and Ralph or mother daughter.

And they were so blank.

I just like staring at the ceilings that we were able to go.

All right.

For the next question, Ralph, I gave my answer was D.

And Ralph would go, is the answer D?

And then the girls would go, oh, I didn't know.

Now you know, you see the thing.

Borky, borky, flinky, flinky potatoes.

Jada ba de patate.

Patate, patate, patate, patate.

They talk, they talk like Hamush.

Jada ba de patate.

Jada ba de patate.

Jada ba de patate.

Jada ba de patate.

Jada ba de patate.

That's a baby-faced guy.

So you guys are doing a live show.

Stay in New York, new location.

Yeah.

And what's the show?

How to date a porn star?

Or is this Ralph fucking dick ragging for two and a half hours?

Yeah, I got you.

You have like one guy.

I was burning late on this.

Sorry, I was late.

No, you were.

I had to explain it all.

Yeah.

I didn't know what it was.

I needed to have somebody who's failed so many times

at dating a porn star.

So he's our example of what not to do.

Yeah, that's right.

So we have a bunch of people on this show on our show.

So there's a sex therapy.

So we also have Natalia star, OG, big performer.

We don't tell you.

Yeah, so we have a lot of a wide variety of people

and then also around the failure.

I can't hear you.

So that I think will be really fun.

You have Dante to...

Dante and Iroh?

Yes.

Bitches up, hose down, strangled a bitch.

Karin, yeah.

In case Karin needs to get smacked, you bring Dante.

Exactly.

He didn't beat.

Exactly.

It's going to be so much fun, guys.

So Ralph...

Oh, yeah.

So I want to know.

What not to do in dating a porn star?

Whatever I'm doing.

Okay, amazing.

Okay, perfect.

When you fart, not to have it smell like salmon vegetables.

But this is a discussion about how to long term data porn star

or go on a date with a porn star.

I really Ralph's answer only...

He's going to be like this.

It's going to be a very short speech.

Call any.

Yeah.

Actually.

You know what?

It's more about how to sustain a relationship with a porn star.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I think I can just like be like,

Hey, I'll take you on a date for five grand.

That, I don't give a fuck about it.

But it's like, how do you actually like date a porn?

Why did you...

Well, because that's not dating a porn star.

That's painful.

That's painful.

Wait, I know, but that has a date.

Yeah, once prostitution.

Yeah.

Does the answer have date a porn star?

Just pay it.

Yeah, yeah.

Actually.

But, yeah.

Actually, like we just stayed a relationship with a porn star.

That's what this is going to be about, so.

Do you?

Cory Holcomb has been right the whole time.

So you can date a porn star.

If you call her out and say, Hey, I got five grand.

I mean, if you're not like an asshole.

Like, I fired people before.

So for five grand, you have to be nice too.

Yeah.

Or at the very least, not horrible.

I was picking up more.

We're about 20 grand.

Of what the idea is to be like to...

I thought the more I was like,

What's the psychology of dating a porn star in the business?

Oh, yeah.

And you're not in the business...

Right.

That is exactly what we're talking about.

Yeah.

But I'm saying, but not like a transactional thing.

I'm saying more like two people meet.

Right.

They like each other.

One of the nuances of dating somebody who has sex for worse.

Yeah, I was thinking, and Jacob kind of asked this earlier.

Am I think I go, I think I could definitely be fine with and move with someone who's not

doing it anymore, but did it more than the active part of it.

I think I have a problem with this.

Yeah.

Well, isn't every girl...

He's an every girl kind of a porn star.

No, actually, because I suck dick way better than the average girl.

Oh, I prove it.

I have $10,000.

Oh, you double the money.

I am currently sitting on 10,000 dollars.

He said, don't worry, I think.

But you have to blow me on the sawmill on the back of my house.

Easy, easy.

And you have to jump out of the car while it's moving before you get back to dawn,

because she's divorced and she don't fuck around like that.

I see, that probably be one of the most fun facts I've ever had sex.

Really?

Yeah, there's one time I did actually have sex in the back of a yellow cab going over

the Manhattan Bridge.

That was really fun.

That sounds really good.

Was it with Ralph?

I wish.

I don't know.

Well, you like Ralph?

No, I just wanted to see someone try to come and then not come.

Oh, well, many times.

Oh, my mom's on to the party.

I just want to see Ralph try to get his pants off in the back of a cab.

He's six foot seven.

Let's put his shirt through the hole.

Angry!

She punch marks in the roof.

So it's going to be a Q&A with the...

Yeah.

You're a Q&A discussion.

We'll open up the floor to audience questions afterwards,

but I'm going to kind of moderate and curate the conversation.

Are you single?

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You know, I always have something sweet in the mix, so...

Now, have you ever had a boyfriend, a long-term boyfriend?

Yeah, I actually had a boyfriend for two years when I first started the industry.

Was he in the business?

No.

What did he do?

He's a photographer and director.

So he knew what you were getting into?

Yes.

Who with it?

At first.

Did he help you?

Right.

So you took seven?

Right, right.

Until I started making more money and it was more popular than him.

Really?

So he got jealous.

Oh, he got so jealous.

Really?

When I shot my first browser scene, actually, it was my browser's debut,

he goes, oh, by the way, congratulations.

Did I tell you that I got coffee with my ex like three weeks ago?

And I was like, no, you didn't.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

So things like that were like guys, I think that they want to date a whore

because it's like such an eager blues.

But then when you're actually dating a whore and you have to like,

I would have taken the break and so I would have the fact that like other men

fun her lifestyle.

That's where the jealousy kicks in.

Right.

Of course, but I don't think the jealousy would kick in in a sense because like,

it's saying it's going to make a guy also feel like, so wait,

if I was doing better, you wouldn't fuck other people from early?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, it would take a lot for a man to take me out of the game.

I don't think it is even possible.

Now, what do you know?

I'm 30.

Do you have an outdate?

No.

You would do it.

But do you want to jump in at a some point, do you have a plan like jump to

producing at some point?

Yeah, you know, I want to open my own studio.

I'd also really like to open a marketing agency

that caters towards brands that are considered high risk.

So like porn, you know, weed stuff like that.

So I hope you stay in the game

until your 70s become an older black lady in the business.

Oh, me too.

I'll be the angel of acid of the industry.

There's some emotions on that.

On here, here you go.

On here too.

I hope Lanny passes her cane onto you.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

The cane.

Oh.

Oh.

Hey.

Hey.

I had this.

You must wield this.

All the powers in that, all their phone numbers are in it.

Exactly.

Christine, are you laughing?

Are you hurting?

Christine's holding ice to her face.

What happens?

J hit her.

Is that what happened?

Yeah, she's getting out of line.

But this time, I think she learned.

Yeah.

I, uh, yeah.

Dry the dishes for you.

Put them away.

Idiot.

So she had dental surgery.

Oh, because I hit her.

So tonight, if you go to the show, is it going to be?

That's Thursday night.

Thursday night at the Stand Up New York, correct?

At the Rosewood Theater.

Rosewood Theater.

Yes.

There's a collaboration we're doing with Stand Up New York.

Gotcha.

So you're doing Rosewood Theater.

And if I come, is it going to be single guys?

All single guys?

Is that what you're looking for?

Or couples?

What do you want to show up?

Um, honestly, I'm looking for a mixture of couples that

are interested in making new friends and single people

as well.

Because there's a lot of like, um, sex workers who are lesbians

and they date women.

They only have sex for men when they're working.

So that's their whole other nuance there too.

Right.

So queer people, couples, ugly straight men, everyone's welcome.

Also, you've, this is like, it's going to be

mostly ugly straight men.

It's going to be hard to write at me when you said that.

They're like, she's looking around the room.

It's like the third or fourth one you've done

with the different theme, right?

Oh, I've done maybe, at this point, like maybe what a,

like, you know, kind of a lot.

Yeah, we had one all about the BDSM and Kink community.

Maybe we'll all win all about orgasms.

We've done a bunch of different ones.

Nice.

So I like Braser.

Braser's a great one.

I will have you seen my Braser scenes.

I'm going to when I get home in my sauna by myself

and my garage.

My first Braser scene was I fucked on a pile of money.

It's called making money makes me horny

or something like that.

I got to be more freewheeling with the way I speak

to women maybe because probably what you just did

made me so uncomfortable.

She was like, yeah, whatever.

You essentially were like, hey, it's been great to meet you

actually.

I'm going to masturbate to you later on.

And you were like, it's great.

And you just moved on.

I would have been like, I respect you.

I looked at you like I was like, you don't just

say that to somebody.

I respect her art.

I respect your art.

You know, I actually a lot of it.

It's about a pound cox so hard to you later.

And then you don't put a lot of my exes in it.

And then I think I'm going to go to a diner.

Is that's going to be true?

That's a really nice date actually.

You know what I'm saying?

It's going to be too much time actually.

Had other people send them my porn.

And they're like, yo, look at your ex.

She's so hot.

You fumbled like it's time for many of my exes.

On the few dates that I've done with the porn industry women,

guys would come up to the dinner table and say, oh,

I love your work, which I just think it's like, hey, I

masturbate to you while while I'm sitting and having dinner with them.

That was a pretty common.

Yeah, but you have to be okay with that.

That's one of the things dating of one girl.

Exactly.

You have to be okay with the fact that you that a bunch of dudes

are going to walk up while you're having dinner.

Hey, I'm a big fan of your work.

Almost like the comp to Jay and they go, hey, Jay, I love your stand up.

That's exactly.

And then I got to fucking pull my car.

Yeah.

I'm going, whatever my one of my faces.

Oh, I think it's like, look at that.

Like all these guys are like unashamed going up to you guys and being like, oh my God,

I love your work.

But at the end of the day, you're taking your home.

So who's really one?

But let me ask you a question.

They're kind of taking you home, too.

No.

In a weird way.

No.

Okay.

So have you ever been on a date with a dude and another dude comes up and goes, I love

you work.

It's been like, oh, that guy's cute.

Yeah.

No, I have cute fans.

Don't be wrong, actually.

Have you ever hooked up with a cute fan?

Just because they're cute?

Yeah.

Do you think with everything you have to like do stuff to get over it kind of,

with everything you have to like do it to get over it?

What do you mean?

Like so, dating a porn star, it's almost like the first few times that you have sex

with your boyfriend after you've done a gang bang scene or whatever, like days after

that, that you have like a, that they're like, and you're kind of like, oh, the world's

still normal.

Yeah, exactly.

Like our personal life's still normal.

I'm sorry for laughing, I'm laughing, because I'm saying you talk to the smoking hot

porn star and I'm just looking over your chick, I was just going to hold, she's just

going, a fucking bag of ice to her face, I'm just trying to get through it.

I really did.

I was like, I can't, I got to put some ice on this fucking thing, my face hurts, I'm

talking about it.

I didn't even notice that first.

Oh my god, I didn't notice at all.

Wow, you look great.

Oh, Chrissy.

You look great.

You're right.

We didn't notice at all.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like, honestly, I feel like there's two camps, right?

There's the guys who are like, no, no, I can totally handle this and they're like settles

in and then later they start to get in their head.

And then there's other guys who like, at first they're all nervous and they like actually

get to know you and the work and they're like, oh, piece of cake.

Yeah.

And then probably people are coming too amped up about it, which they probably have bad

ideas.

Like, it's like, do you also, you don't want a guy where it's his kink that you do for

you?

Exactly.

Or like, you could always tell like the kind of guys who always just wanted to be around

a porn star.

Like, whenever my guy friend, well, he's not my guy friend anymore, we ended up fucking

after this party.

And he said the weirdest thing.

He was like, I've only seen this ass on the internet and I was like, ew, what?

Oh god.

You've just ensured I'm never going to fuck you again.

By the way, if Ralph has sex with you, he's going to stay during it.

I'm going to masturbate you later.

Yeah.

We're fucking cursed.

I like that you assume that I'm going to have sex twice in one night.

Yeah.

That's like very wishful thinking.

That two people are going to want to do that.

Well, he's a runner now.

Is this to teach guys to to be able to date long term so they don't get sitting there?

Jesus.

That's horrible.

Hey guys.

We'll see you tomorrow Wednesday.

We should have done this show, right?

I mean, that's horrible.

That's horrible.

You're so good.

Oh my god.

That's not my show.

Oh my god.

That's not my show.

Oh my fucking god.

That is awesome.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I came in after it.

You probably didn't see me.

Oh my god.

Shut me.

Shut me.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

That is wonderful.

Take it time, Jay.

Take whatever time.

Take whatever time.

Just take it time.

She's going to go.

She's going to go.

Go.

She thought Jacob was a Roomba.

Jacob has the charisma of a chair.

You are.

You are.

Jacob.

Jacob.

I know.

She thought you were a jacket on a chair.

I thought I grew out of that hurt.

But I haven't.

It hurts like it's in high school.

I should.

She should.

That's why you have to take Ralph's comprehensive program.

I was trying to engage.

But now I don't care.

No.

No, please.

We have to begin.

No, I can't.

There's a hole I want to crawl into.

Oh my god.

I'm so sorry.

Apparently you're already in it.

Jacob, come out of your hole and ask your question.

Bloom for us.

Yes.

No, the question was.

It seems like the guys that you were dating are okay at the beginning.

Yeah.

So you're trying to teach guys how not to lose it.

You know, and I think.

It's not be jealous.

Right, Jacob.

Because I feel a lot of guys like they think what their dicks, right?

They're like, I can totally handle this.

Like, even if they in the back of their mind know that they might not be able to.

It's the fact that like this girl is really hot and she's also a porn star that they convince themselves they can.

But because we think.

Yeah.

Can I say something on the side of those guys?

Oh, sure.

Just just to give you.

I want to give you a different respect.

Okay.

You know, because I feel like.

Yeah.

God, you're really fucking.

She looks at me.

I freak out.

When because.

You're still afraid of black people.

I know, right?

It's fucking.

I didn't even know she was born.

I'm going to start a rumor that you think all lives matter actually.

I do.

You know, just.

I was going to blue lives matter on his chest.

Right.

That's actually on my Instagram page.

I won't tell you.

Bobby won't tell you.

Bobby's recently saved two ethnic people from certain doom.

Yeah.

That's one of my favorite.

I got my favorite.

A black child from drowning in Costa Rica.

Yes.

In the ocean.

Wait, this person was a child?

Yeah.

Oh, that makes it even cooler.

Yeah.

And he could.

And she was a woman.

Oh, my God.

I'm definitely a security guy for this.

And that's when he texted me.

I say five black kids.

I say five black child.

Five blood drops for you.

Blow me.

And what about my finger?

I say the baby.

Amazing.

Amazing.

Amazing.

And what I'm saying.

Thank God your fingers are already brown.

I know.

I know.

Let's hear it.

What I'm saying is that, that you, you, you, sex to you.

You've done a lot of stuff.

You do, you know, so sex to me.

Like when I have sex with girl, I like making out.

I like to, you know, do, is there, it might be intimidating to be with you

because you know you've done so much stuff.

You want to do so.

How do I know what not to do to you?

Do I do too much?

Well, I'll tell you that because that's the thing.

Like when we shoot our scenes, everybody has like a no list.

And so you go over and people's no list.

Like what's, like things you don't like to do.

What's your no list?

I mean, I know this is very short, coincidentally.

But I don't like it when people bite my nipples because they're really sensitive

and they're also pierced.

And so like it's just very like it, it's over sensitive.

I don't like that.

Right.

I don't like when people put their tongue in my ear.

It feels like a wet willy and it's weird.

Right, I hate that too.

Right.

So just stuff like that.

Like I'm okay if you put your finger in my butt.

When you're okay, it's like a rough face, fucking whatever happened.

I was there as I got it.

It goes.

Don't put your tongue in my ear.

Double anal?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right, right, right.

Right.

Just check the post-it.

It's right here.

It's a short list.

I actually like tongues in my ear.

I just don't like the aftermath when stuff comes out on your tongue.

And you go.

Right.

That bothers me.

You do love getting your ass blasted too though.

Not blasted.

He's open to the idea.

Not blasted.

Just a calm entering an accident.

If it's a woman with a penis, he'll do it.

No.

I don't like stuff in my butt.

He really wants to.

I don't want to.

I don't believe you.

I can't tell you anything, Jay.

This was earlier.

You told me.

He wants to gave for his wife.

I can actually gave.

Oh my god.

I can gave.

I'm gonna throw up.

What?

I don't like gaping.

You know that.

Very sure.

That's when you open your vagina up and it looks like something to me.

No.

It's when you pull out the dick and then your asshole kind of goes.

Yeah.

The prolapse.

Right.

No, that is the different thing.

No, you're just introducing different stuff.

I'm sorry.

It's gaping.

I told my friend Adam she would come in here and not talk to fucking idiots.

Exactly.

You are making us look stupid as shit right now.

Listen to me.

I don't know.

Gaping is when you.

What is that?

You're getting fucked in the butt right and then you pull the dick out and then there's

like extra space because you know like now the asshole construction goes.

Woo.

So you can see inside the asshole.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's when it goes inside out.

I do not want to see inside of an asshole.

Are you sure about that?

It's pretty nice.

It's just a dark hole.

No, but it's difficult.

There you go.

Yeah.

I don't want to see that.

That's gaping.

That looks like something from space.

Right.

And I don't like it.

No, but here's the thing.

If you put your hand in there weirdly like two of your fingers will come out of your ears.

Exactly, exactly.

It's like a star game.

I know.

There's something inside there.

Is that an auto and George did?

Yes.

Yes.

That is gaping.

That's the worst thing.

That's the worst thing.

That's what we call in the biz breaking on through to the other side.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't want to see a dark hole.

Wow.

Unless I did magic.

No, your racism comes out again.

If a watch came out of there, you're like, look, it's a happy birthday to you.

Wait.

Oh, but to answer your question.

That's at the top.

Yes.

It's like, I mean, here's the thing.

Like, try so many things.

I eventually, like, music is this awful team.

Yeah.

And then, actually, it's like, do I want to, you know, entertain a scat finish?

No, I don't.

Right.

I'm actually like certain things.

I'm just like, you've reached your threshold, at least to me.

Right.

And yeah, like, I mean.

That's pretty fun.

No nipple biting earlicks are shitting on my chest.

Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

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So like, I mean, for me, like, I think guys get intimidated because they're like,

oh, she's more experienced.

But it's like, yeah, she could literally have sex with anybody she wants and you're still in the room.

So what are you worried about?

You have to fuck the heck.

Can we just snuggle?

Yes.

Can we go home and just watch a movie and not go?

I mean, yes.

What movie are you watching?

I was going to say the new movie role play, which is really fun.

It's about a biracial couple, but the wife is a assassin.

Oh.

That's on prime right now.

You're making Bobby panic.

I'm not sure.

It's really a specific.

It's a really good movie.

And do I get to assassinate you or who's assassinating?

No.

Like, I'm saying, like, all right, say me and you are going to date, right?

Okay.

I just want to go.

Maybe we have a first date.

We go out to dinner and send a lot of money.

Treat you nice and we go back.

Already established with 10 grand.

I know.

Right.

Do you see how bad eyes perked out when you said, spend a lot of money.

I said, we will.

Yeah.

This is cutting into your butthole finger in my mind.

Exactly.

We're getting to it.

So then we go, we have all crazy sex.

Okay.

And next time, maybe we go to your apartment and we want your romance.

That's so great.

Yes.

Because at the end of the day, people don't understand that like, you know, pornsters were still

like people.

Like, well, I was a person before.

I know.

Like, I was like a pornster before.

I got some calls to make.

I know.

Wait a second.

I'm going to make some phone calls.

I'm asking you.

Like, if we, if we go to bed, will you help me put my CPAP machine on?

No.

Well, that, that you have to handle on your.

Oh, okay.

Because I'm scared of that.

Okay.

All right.

That's very X-Men to me.

Wow.

You want to see next to a guy breeze like Darth Vader on that?

I do not actually.

Keeping, she's not afraid of a CPAP machine.

Yeah.

No, actually.

But that's the thing also.

There is something you have to enjoy your work to some degree.

I think that's the thing that would bother a guy too is coming home.

It's not that you like fuck.

Like, if you came home and you were like, oh, once I hit this goal of whatever, like,

I got to get out of this.

Like, I did a fucking gang bang today.

And this guy had like the biggest fucking dick.

But if you know, if you came home and you were like, whoa, because why was the hell of a day?

Like, oh, damn, so and so fucks good.

Like, I can see a guy being at home.

And he's like, oh.

And the thing is, it's even if you're not saying that him feeling me.

I know.

It's like him, you're not saying that.

And he's like, oh, she seems like getting a good mood.

That must have been a great gang bang today.

No, exactly.

I've been fucking two of my exes, actually.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know.

I was like, I was like, I was like really excited.

I like, I like consistent sex and like knowing what kind of person they are and keeping their

own arms like.

But when I was like, so like, do you ever just get like lost in the scene and just like have fun?

I'm like, you don't want the answer to that question.

Because if I say yes, you're going to be jealous.

If I say no, you're going to think I'm a damsel in distress or that I'm being like.

We're lying for his benefit.

Yeah.

So like, you don't want the answer to this question.

Well, there's a big difference between like coming home.

I think you were saying is, oh, man, the show was great tonight.

I loved it.

The crowd was hot.

And you coming on the dude, those dicks were awesome today.

I think it's the tough thing to do.

It's like, you don't want what you do to be their kink.

But they have to also find it.

You got to just find people who find like the hotness.

We don't care.

Exactly.

They have to also think it's a little bit hot or else it will eventually just be like, the

first time you don't have like two weeks where you don't fuck each other and you fuck

it work three times.

Like, oh, so I guess you're fucking at work now.

It's just like, I can see these.

Yeah, but like also to like the dick could be really fun.

But then I like don't actually care about my co-stars as a person.

Like, are there a lot of people in the industry?

I don't care if you live or die.

I'm so serious.

But like, are you good to work with?

Yes.

Are there people who you fuck good with and then actually when the scene was over or since

there's been like, they actually fucking suck?

I don't like them at all.

Yes.

Really?

Many.

Many, Ralph.

Many such things.

Yes.

I think I told you guys at the time, I'm really sorry.

I have to leave.

Yeah.

I have somewhere to be.

Like in your dressing plants?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have to go practice.

I'll put this for this night.

I gotta make sure I have that light.

You would eat with a porn starter tonight?

No.

No.

But I do have to get out of here.

I told Christine I had a time out of here.

Are they making you your life finally?

Yeah.

It was my 15 more minutes left anyway.

So, so what do you go buddy?

I appreciate it.

You always have so much fun.

I love you all.

I love you all.

If you check out Ralph Thursday, him and Addison are going to be at Stant, or not at the,

going to be at the Rosewood Theater.

The Rosewood Theater.

Yes.

That's this Thursday.

That's Saturday to porn.

So, I get tickets to Stant in New York.com.

Stant at NY.com.

Okay.

Thank you.

I feel bad Ralph.

We were going to do 30 second drawings if you can hear it together.

Yeah.

And it's okay.

That's all right.

We can do it next time.

This is going to be the first time I ever had it.

This is the first time I ever had it.

This is the first time I ever had it.

This is the first time I ever had it.

I was going to see you full frontal.

Oh, did Laney not tell you?

Full nude pictures.

Ralph.

Why do I feel like you look a really crazy naked?

Oh, he can't hear me.

No, he can't.

He's older.

He's going to get new bolts.

I think he looks like Mr. Potato head naked.

Well, it is funny.

Oh, he runs all the time.

He runs all the time.

I think he pretty slim at this point.

But probably slim but very oddly shaped.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, he's even like when you drop a can on the floor.

No, it's kind of like.

He looks like.

He looks so much like Peter Steele from Type-O Negative Ralph.

And was funny.

You see Peter Steele did play girl.

It's pretty much my picture Ralph.

Even though Peter Steele's in shape,

he's just so like milky white long hair guy

that it's not like, it still looks wrong.

He's 1970s movie star in shape.

It's very edgy Colin.

Very edgy Colin.

He'll never in shape.

You know what?

If I wasn't a dude.

Oh, no.

Oh, ew.

I feel like he eats people.

You see what I mean?

Yeah, it's like.

Like.

He's in good shape, obviously.

But I'm like, I'm not jealous of that shape at all.

And you see that's exactly it.

There's some guys in the industry that like,

I see the appeal, but I'm not into them.

Have you ever dated a fat dude?

You know what?

No, but I have an ex-boyfriend who's gay now.

Well, that's not even the same fucking thing I mean.

What the fuck was that about you?

Just say nothing.

You know what?

Jay, it's all right.

I don't know what.

I don't know what you're saying.

No, but one was gay.

Yeah.

So no, no fast, just gays.

No fast, just gays.

No fast, just gays.

Yeah.

I feel like I'm the most likely person of a gay ex-boyfriend.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Makes sense.

You thought they were so fun for a while.

I did.

I was the sex with him.

Amazing.

You really?

Oh my god.

Oh, you know what?

He didn't, but he put me through a mattress daily.

Oh, okay.

He was so good and bad.

It was like, he was like the pussy whisperer.

And now he's gay.

Right.

Well, he got, he went beyond pussy.

Well, yeah, he started up so much.

He realized that he had been...

Yeah.

He's just a genitals whisperer.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

I've done all I can with a pussy.

Yeah.

I need to go to Dick now.

He's graduated.

He's a graduate school.

He'll might come back.

He has a Michelin star in pussy.

I hope he comes back.

Yeah.

Have you had fun people?

Celebrities in your DMs?

Yeah, I have.

Fun ones?

Yeah.

People that we know?

Yeah.

People you know in love.

People we know in love.

Now people who have won awards.

Benjamin Netanyahu?

You know, some politicians.

There's actually a politician's son that I hook up with a lot.

Really?

Yeah, really?

It's a promo boy for sure.

No, no, no.

It's Baron Trump.

It's Baron Trump.

And you know what?

And he invited me to his birthday party the other day.

And I was like, no, sorry.

Because it was bowling at...

Wait, Baron Trump?

No, I was.

Oh, the person just...

Yeah, so this politician said...

You think you want to come to my birthday party?

And like, I just didn't want to go bowling at six o'clock.

So I said, no.

Do you have any...

Do you have like stuff on people where you can be like, do it?

I can fuck you.

Oh, totally.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

You know I'm in the Epstein files.

I believe that.

Look at you.

You want to hook up.

Spikes on your hands.

Just so you know, in case you want to hook up, I've been in the Epstein files.

Not once, but twice.

You're like, I don't think the brag would have.

I've been around internationally.

I feel like there's not enough other comics.

They're excited about this on that list.

Well, I wasn't in it and I was very upset.

Why?

I talked to Ari Sheffierty.

He was very bummed that he wasn't on the two lists that I was on.

He shouldn't have.

Colin Quim was in it, which is...

He made it nice.

It was just an advertisement for a comedy show.

Somebody you made out of, but still.

Oh, yeah.

Wait, that's actually...

I swear.

10-5.

Yeah, right.

I believe it.

10-5.

I was in New York at that time.

Have you ever been to an island?

Have you ever been asked to go to something like that?

Yeah.

You have.

Yeah.

And what did you say?

Oh, that I had a scene to shoot.

Oh, you had to go there for a scene.

No, no, no.

I was busy, so I didn't go.

Oh, really?

You asked go to the Epstein Island?

No, I didn't come to Ireland.

No, I didn't come to Ireland.

And I went to the program.

All right, well.

You want to come to my island?

And then you get to the island and he goes,

No, I want you to shoot on my chest.

I actually did.

I have had a scout client before.

So you want me to shoot on the floor,

so he could like scoop it up in the newspaper

and sniff it while he jerked off.

Jacob, Jacob, stop making faces of understanding.

It's a disgusting thing.

Jacob's like, Jacob's like, I concur.

Yeah.

Jacob's like, yo, I get it.

That's why I wear this dukey brown jacket.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

So he wanted you to shoot?

In case somebody skats on his chest, he's already.

Yeah.

The thing is, he wanted to pick it up.

And I was like, well, how's that going to work?

But how do you pick it up with a bag like I do?

No, no, no, no.

We laid the newspaper on the floor.

Okay. And he picked it up with the newspaper.

Look at the dog.

Yeah. And you know what?

That's how I know.

I'm just not into scat because I knew it before.

But no, I really know.

You know why?

Because it's shit.

Well, yes.

And you know what?

He like, he kept the news.

Bobby, do what I found out recently.

You know, scat is shit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I found you every day.

Bobby, you know, I had to fire the hard way on an island.

Scat is shit.

Yeah.

Same thing.

Synonyms.

Who knew?

Fucking Germans.

He, no, he, he like took it.

He took it up.

He took it to go.

Fucking German.

He took it to go.

I don't know what he did with that.

I took it to go.

Yeah.

I like he wrapped it in newspaper like fresh fish.

That was actually a doggy shit bag.

When you come home with some meat in the newspaper, there you go, straight from the butcher.

Yeah.

So now, did you, now I know a friend of mine who used to be in scat and he used to, the girls

used to, you know, you've worked with him, I'm sure.

Wow.

Oh, fuck.

James Norton, I believe you've worked with him before.

I believe he's Ben Modi before.

The girls, the girls used to have to eat certain food because he didn't want.

Yes.

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You didn't want, you know, runny poop.

Oh, yeah.

You have to eat a certain meal that day.

Oh, you need your phyllium husk.

You need your fiber.

You need it to be fluffy like a loaf of bread.

You want it to come out and not stain your, your chest.

You want it to have more of a frozen yogurt kind of consistency.

Good, Bobby.

Keep trying to out-gross her out.

She's going to win, dude.

I am.

You have a weak stomach, man.

She's going to get you.

You're going to say, Gabe again.

She's going to spit newspaper for a stranger on an island.

Woo!

You're not going to beat her in this.

That's my favorite part.

No, but one time the girl lied and said that I ate right today, blah, blah, blah.

I got a nice fluffy one and she showed up in a suppository fell on his chest.

Wow.

That's so special.

Oh, so you know she was doping.

Let's just say, what's that, do that Kurt Mesker joke?

I don't get the whole thing, what he says, defining out.

Because you guys know two girls, one cup was faked it turns out.

Hey, what?

You could tell.

I know when he goes, he goes, the guy told me that and I went, what?

He goes, not the reaction you're supposed to have, like, oh, thank God.

I mean, I was so tell, he goes, I went, what?

You're angry about it.

You guys are two girls, we'll go and say, what?

I based my whole life on that since then.

That that's the world we live in.

Yeah.

So Thursday night, you're going to be there.

Yeah.

And you're going to be helping guys learn how to date a porn star.

Jacob, you're going.

Yeah, Jacob, you should go and make sure you take off the coat, please.

I want to know what's underneath the coat.

Jacob also.

You want to know he's there.

Jacob, you don't need a ticket at all because no one's going to know you're there.

You can just float off the street like dust.

That's because Jacob dresses like the back of a chair.

Jacob, we got to go.

I feel like I might actually put you in my cart and Ikea, you know?

Planey's going on this thing.

You know, it's going to be fucking porn stars hanging out.

Yeah.

Jacob, you should go Thursday night to see and then come back on Monday and let us know what

you learned.

Mm-hmm.

See if you learn anything.

It would be nice for you to find out if you could learn something.

Yeah.

If you could learn how to.

If you could learn anything.

Now, some of these skills going to go over to regular women too, right?

That's exactly exactly.

This is for the guys, the girls, the gays, and the couples.

Right.

I say Draff King God say that after the thing that Jacob winds up on Ralph's list.

Serious XM host.

Three hours.

Three hours XM host.

Dated.

We kissed.

And then he went home nervous.

Just dinner.

Just dinner.

But he tried.

I didn't buy you to an island.

I had Ted Montana's.

Oh, it's the best dude.

That was so fun when the porn stars would come in and read Ralph's DMs to them.

Just try it afterwards.

Oh, wow.

Kendra's.

Wow.

Oh, that's what he wrote the thing.

It was Kendra Soda and Dated.

I go, what?

No, you didn't.

And that's the first one I realized that it was like a dinner date, though.

Yeah.

Well, I was saying it was a good dinner date.

They didn't fuck her any like that.

Because I was like, can't do that.

No way.

That was a bit of a thing we talked about.

Yeah, no, definitely.

She wasn't on the list.

He told me to put her on.

Oh, well, of course he did.

Yes.

Well, we had dinner.

Yeah, I took her out.

He went to beef.

He went to beef up his fucking thing.

Yeah.

He was trying to pat his resume.

That's son of a bitch.

Have you ever dated a comedian?

You know what?

I have.

And he wasn't even funny.

You have.

And he wasn't funny.

He was on stage, but he wasn't funny in real life.

Oh, really?

That's like neighbor said about me.

That's like neighbor said about me.

Yeah, yeah.

You're real serious in real life.

You're drunk at noon.

Yeah.

That is very true.

Do we know the comedian?

Yeah, you do.

Well, you do.

Because he's on lady's roster.

Oh, yeah.

Friends.

Yeah, yeah.

I did used to.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

All right.

Exactly.

Later.

Now.

Later.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He was, uh, he did that movie.

He did that race the play The movie.

Yeah.

Comment Milwaukee.

Okay.

Yes.

That's what that's.

Good for him.

Bobby, that kills you.

Are you fucking with Bobby?

No, I'm actually Barnes.

You know, do you remember how a young boxer Get to the picture and trial over.

And set amok he wanted to ask a young, and Bobby, is maybe Bob a young, probably please?

Young Bobby would never understand how this guy got you.

I know well.

He � lanes.

Young Bobby is oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry Christine always brings it up. This is part of her Jill's oh

My god, well, you gotta get the fun. Wait a minute. Come on. Oh my god. You are so cute. What the fuck? Oh, I mean, that's the wrong

That's the wrong

That's the not thing that I would I would like to hear. Oh

Smash all day long. Yeah, where's the one I showed you the other day Chris? Look at their reflection of Dennis Wolfberg in your lapels

So spooky

Dennis Wolfberg

Wow, yeah, look at little Bobby. Oh my god. Yeah, look at that muscle look at it. Mm-hmm. Look at this guy. Whoa

Who's that? Is it you? Yes. Yeah, that's me as a life head. All right. Let's talk about it

I think we're actually making Bobby really

Trans I thought that was long here. I haven't I haven't transitioned yet

Yeah, okay, I'm gonna do that when I'm 60 so I can get a deal with netflix. You're not 60 yet. Are you sure? No? No? Oh my god

You're fucking no, she knows you like this though. I do like it

You've been three quarters hard since you started wrecking your ass

She said oh my god when she saw that photo

Yeah, look at this. There's another one right there. Oh, oh smash easy

That guy's still in there. No, he's not he's died. Oh, oh, okay. Well, let's bring him back. Yeah. Yeah

No, this this is about Dominican Bob over there. I'm not gonna show you old pictures of me because I look better now

For sure

Thank you

Don't look at my old video. I won't show you

He won't but I will

He's a woman in the back

I thought it's so great pictures here

That's not me. That's not me. That was his family photo

That's a woman. Are you sure? Yes, that was a woman doesn't feel good. That's it. Yeah, I show great pictures to you

I should bring up sexy Bob

Seriously

Christine put that ice bag on your mouth again

Oh god Christine go show her my big fat walking around on p-ditty show

That's right. I didn't get invited to a p-ditty part. I didn't get raped or nothing

Didn't have baby oil. We should her time. What a waste of time to be on p-ditty show and not get raped at all

You are managed by p-ditty for three years three years. I mean he makes you sign a contract

We did the show and no one looked at it and there was a clause and it says if you get anything for the next three years

He will get a manager's cup because oh wow because you were on this

Glorious show that was essentially just a thing the show office stupid fucking clothing. Well. Yeah

There's Bobby there. Oh

Hey, where's the jacket in then Bobby's us come. He began. I don't know because this is what he just did to me

I'm sorry. He didn't save a blood. He didn't save a little black girl. Thank goodness

Oh my god

Oh, yeah, this is from Bobby's specials plant of paywalls called yes, my eyes are sweating. I actually saved to grow with that shirt

Oh my god

God Bobby used to have I used to open from Bobby at college shows when I first started out

Yeah, and Bobby was doing he was the college comic and there was a picture of him. We walked in

To one of them and I mean he's girl. It was like the seven girls who ran the

You know, whoever putting the show on for the school the student government or ever

They would go they clamor and Bobby bring him over to bring to this giant picture of him and it was he was like this

Yeah, this picture with his with a button down shirt can go ahead open and laughing at something. He's like

I was a

Was actually

I was finger pop in the

And these girls came out I mean first of all I went up there. I'm young and I also

There's the things where they're you can't curse you can't do all this stuff. I didn't know

And I panic and I just had like such a whatever set and then I had to watch but I'm driving

So I wanted to leave after the show and Bobby's like well hang on

I have to carry him around the room a little bit. They came up and presented him with the greatest comic ever award

It's not a real award

They gave him the greatest comic. They gave him a trophy the greatest comic ever at the school award

That's how much girls wanted to fuck Bobby

And so what and so what was this fat friend? I became this way. I had to go ring the bell every hour

I got I got married. Oh, I got married. I had a kid. Oh, okay

He actually gave birth to the kids to explain the way. Wait. How was your kid? Wait, wait, Bobby. How's your kid?

He's very progressive

He's worked very hard to lose weight. I'm laughing because that was so funny

But you're also saying it with your foot. You like it. Yeah, I know my bobby pose

I just show Addison. I'm very flexible in case we get into some weird shit later

Oh Thursday night. I'm also a keeper. You're gonna be at the

Rose with theater rose with theater with Ralph Sutton Dante Nero a bunch of other

Korean Fisher

It's Thursday night March 5th

Lust files presents how to date a point star get tickets at standup new york.com

Jacob you're gonna go

You might see me there. Yes

You're going

Your Laney's plus one you got to go and tell us how to do it

Your Laney's plus one then you're gonna be on her list. You're gonna be on Laney's list for dated

dated and camed in the ass

Big J this weekend is going to be at San Francisco

Friday and Saturday then comedy zone in Jacksonville March 13th and 14th after that Madison Phoenix, Tempe St. Louis for tickets and all

Tour dates big J comedy dot com and check out his YouTube page a YouTube dot com slash at Big J

Oakerson

Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the verb in Somerville, New Jersey March 19th Comics Roadhouse mohegan son Connecticut roll it up

April 17th and 18th and after that Uncle Vinnie's in Jersey Cleveland Ohio New Orleans for all tickets and tour dates

Gonna punch up that live Robert Kelly

And of course his new YouTube channel at Robert Kelly comedy and every Tuesday night fat black piscat lounge the comedy seller

Check him out live. Oh, that was a fun show

Yeah, thank you, Ed. Is everybody makes you go see your show. Go say hi to Jacob while you're there. Yeah, please if you can paint him

Jacob you're gonna be a hero there. Yeah, Jacob. Don't sneak up on her like that anymore. You piece of shit

Hey guys, it's Jacob goes. I want you to carry him out at the end like a hero. I promise I promise

Please

Jacob's gonna be a swinger by the time it lights over

He's taking three porn stars. I will see you guys tomorrow. It's the bonfire

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