Dating, Engagement, and Marriage ft Malik Brookins

Hello, hello you guys, and welcome back to Saved, Not, Soft, Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, that's shorter.

Hey!

That one's shorter.

Hey, there.

There you go.

That's good.

I don't got a song or nothing, but, you know, we'll dance to the idea.

You're Ellen.

Yeah.

You guys, we have my husband, Malik Brookings.

We are here.

What's up everybody?

Hey, everybody welcome.

Malik.

It's honor and a privilege to be here.

You're here.

Yeah, I love being on Saved Not, Soft.

Of course, because you live here.

I do.

This is our home.

Yes, we are in our home.

Do you want to know something I realized?

What do you realize?

That whatever, well, we're filling this podcast in January.

Mm-hmm.

And there's a whole Christmas tree behind you.

And this is probably not going to come out to, like, March.

Yeah, they're going to be like, when did they film this?

Yeah, a lot of them.

These jokes was in Christmas.

Yeah.

But still, like, I don't know.

I don't know.

These jokes were in Christmas.

But still, like, I don't plan on taking down the tree.

Well, no.

Like February.

I actually didn't realize I had to take down the tree

to like right now.

Yeah, the tree eventually has to go.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so comfortable with it right there.

It's really pretty.

It is a nice, pretty tree.

We decided to do, like, different ornaments this year.

And I'm never going back, especially when we stood to have woodalongs.

what alongs, but not anytime.

No, no, no, no, no.

But when they start making crafts,

whenever we went to my Mimi's house for Christmas

and I saw she had,

she had the little crafts ornament I made from 2005.

Yeah.

And I was like, I wanna be this type of granny.

Yeah, grandparents should just keep all the little items

that you make when you're younger.

I wanna do that as a parent.

I wanna do that as a grand parent.

And I was like, I need again to this habit right now.

And I forgot we got the pickle.

We got a pickle ornament because my stepdad

is incredibly German.

So like my family's German.

Yeah.

And we had a pickle in the tree.

It's a pickle ornament.

It's like a German tradition.

Yeah, and kids go find it.

Yeah, but anyways, you guys,

by the time you're watching this,

our tree will be up.

Don't worry.

And don't be afraid.

Yeah, it'd been stored somewhere.

Yeah, correct.

But anyways, you guys, Malik is here.

Yes.

He's on safe now, Zof.

We're very excited.

I have a confession.

Oh, what's the confession?

It's a confession you're aware of.

Okay.

I just woke up from a very beautiful nap.

Yeah, no facts.

It is about what?

Six, seven, seven.

Do you know if that was like one of the sweetest things ever?

Like I woke up with so much joy

because I was complaining to Malik about just,

oh, there's just like so many things that need to be done.

And I tired.

I need food in my stomach.

I don't even remember going to sleep.

But I remember waking up feeling so rested

and so blessed that you just let me sleep like that, babe.

That's you a little 30, 35, 40?

That was so nice of you.

Yeah.

And like you got some stuff done.

I got some work done, team.

It was like, babe, that's totally,

because I was like, oh my gosh, babe,

if I was asleep, I'm so sorry.

He's like, babe, I'm knocked out work right here.

And he, babe, like I was in your arms the entire time.

The entire time.

The entire time.

That was so good.

No, it's no good up in there.

I like, I am in such a good mood

and I'm also so like restful at the same time.

So that's my confession is that I just woke up from an hour.

Hey, babe, and I about to do this thing.

Right.

But you're talking about a number.

Oh, a number of different things.

That I thought would be so helpful to people.

You want to tell them what we're talking about?

I mean, just like the three points,

so they're seeing in this title.

We're talking about dating, engagement, marriage,

about our testimony,

but also what the Lord has been teaching us

through every season that we have gone through.

Because we've gone through all three.

Yeah, yeah.

So they've all had different dynamics.

And I believe a story can help so many people.

And I think our story is also incredibly original too.

I mean, we're two original beings,

together in starting something so awesome.

And yeah, we've been on a little ride.

Not that.

Yeah, it's true.

Hey, but God gets all the glory.

It is very true.

But we wanted to pray for you guys

and pray over the atmosphere before we just talk.

Share a testimony, share a scripture, a teach.

Huh.

Because I didn't have any speech.

I just had a Twitter link.

Yeah, a link for the total.

A little Twitter's what I like.

This is my man.

I love doing this with you.

I love sharing God's word with people,

with you by my side.

And I love how you love people.

I love that you have a heart after God's own heart.

And I love that you have a heart for His people

and that you're a shepherd that has no intentionality

to watch the sheep bleed.

You are a shepherd that will lay your life down, advocate.

And I love being married to you.

You're just so awesome, dude.

Love you, dude.

Love you, dude.

Hey, love you, dude.

Love you, dude.

I feel like, yeah, we're so safe in our marriage.

I'm like, yeah.

Yeah, it's awesome.

Do you want to lead us in prayer?

Yes, let's do it.

Totally spirit.

We love you, Jesus.

Thank you for the cross.

Thank you for the blood.

Well, I thank you for this time

that we're able to come together for this podcast.

Well, I think of that everything that you have taken us through

that you have taught us would be for your glory.

Yes.

All the pain, all the hurt, all the good

would be for your glory.

But when I ask that you fill us with your word,

you fill us with things that you want us to talk about.

And I ask that it just be such a tool for people

to use, to hear, to gleam from our lives

because of the things that you've taught us, Lord.

So I'll just speak that the people on the other side

who are watching were that they are open,

that are harder, free from any burden.

They're free from anything that has been trying

to keep them down and out.

Lord, allow your glory, allow your presence to take over.

Lord, it's because of your presence,

it's because of who you are, Lord,

that we're able to move, to do everything that we have.

But we love you and just acts that you do a new thing in us.

Today, Holy Spirit will you flow and touch every heart

and soften every heart, Lord, that may be hardened

so that when we speak your word, it is freeing,

it is freeing, it is freeing, it is freeing.

God allows us to be slow to speak,

allow us to hear your voice clearly,

where we love you and we thank you.

And Jesus name and pray.

Amen.

Amen.

That's so sweet.

I really believe the Lord's going to breathe on this.

I follow His certainty through it.

And more importantly, that the person on the other side

of the screen, I pray their sparks with greater hope.

I was just really sensing that as we were praying,

there's going to be hope in people,

especially where marriages are very interesting right now.

Incredibly interesting, I think.

And not even in the Christian space,

just all over, marriage is very interesting

and there's so many components and so many things

that I feel like are incredibly nuanced,

that has caused so much confusion

and has given a lack of guidance to those who are dating,

engaged, married.

You name it and Malik and I are in a very unique spot

with our, I guess we're in life right now

because we're still newlywed.

And I think we're only able to speak from this place

for so long.

And I think oftentimes people think

that being newlywed disqualifies you

from speaking about marriage.

But I see it as a tool to empathize with newlyweds,

people who are about to get engaged.

We walked through the engagement.

So we really know about that.

We know about dating.

We really walks through that.

But I think it's really sweet that we get to talk

about the early stages of our marriage

and look back at this one day,

be like, oh my gosh, we're so young.

It was like eight months in and look at what we knew.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I feel like even a lot of the mentorship

and the people who we have gone to,

as we've been walking out dating engagement and marriage,

they've honestly been really proud of us

of like how we've listened, learned,

and just walked it out the best that we knew how

in correct order, you know?

Because I'm like a lot of times our mentors would be like,

you know, what you guys are going through

isn't as bad as you think it is,

but then also at the same time,

they would also just say, we're so proud of you, you know?

And I think that's something for us to remember.

Like as we've been talking about this,

I feel like we've put in a lot of work.

Yeah, you know, in every season to make sure

like God was in it.

And it wasn't just us doing something to do something.

Yes.

And you know, I feel like that's a lot of the behind

the scenes stuff that no one really sees,

but you know, we know the work that's been put in.

And I'm proud of us.

I'm proud of us too.

Do you know what I love most about our mentorship?

It is the most corrective yet affirmative place.

Yes.

Because we have very affirmative leadership around us,

but not enabling leadership.

In the sense of the leadership we have a ferns us,

our personhood, our confidence, I guess.

Who God has really called us to be?

That's where the affirmation comes from is,

this is your original design.

Then the correction comes down to places

with the flesh that I creep and crawl in.

And I think it's so awesome when we have

just such loving leaders who have surrounded us.

And we could talk about that more

when we get in our little engagement.

In a section, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We discovered the maturity of our mentors,

which we have so many of people who bore into us

from all over.

We're actually so blessed.

We have a great community and a great friendships

with people, great relationships.

And I think that's very telling of us,

like we're not the type to just do things on our own.

We constantly want people over,

invite people over and want to do life with people.

Don't want to be alone.

We just love doing life with like everybody.

Yeah, it's like really cool.

So you know where we start?

We've got to start from the beginning.

Okay, for those who don't know.

For those who don't know.

We shared our testimony of how we met.

The very, very first episode we did together like,

two years ago, they do know that video got like

that podcast we did on YouTube.

We got like 400,000 of the videos.

Dang, does it really?

No, it was up there because I saw it like,

I think did I see it last night?

And I was like, oh my goodness, what the heck?

Correct.

And I was like, people middleing listening to this.

And I'm kind of scared because I forgot what we talked about.

And I was like, no, I'm raised up mature.

Oh no, fact, I feel like we've grown so much since that time.

Yeah, but that is how it is.

We tend to know that we spoke from that place.

Hey, golly got married.

That would have been like,

like, Bridget, that would have been like, really awkward.

So we can just go out.

Yeah, no, we really blessed God.

Yeah, but we should have a little kind of red testimony

in that you always like when I share it first.

Yeah, I like when you share it first.

Okay.

Does it make sense for me?

So Malik and I met in 2021 going into 2022

at the Passion Conference in Atlanta

and their Passion Youth Conference.

It's basically a conference centered around young adults

and kind of their tagline is like mutual future husband.

And I was like, bump the husband.

I'm here for Jesus.

I was mentally, cognitively where I was at in my faith was,

I was just getting to really know who like real Jesus was.

And I had said no and rejected the world

and was coming out of a lot of toxicity.

And Passion was one of the first places

where I was actually being equipped

to walk in the Christian life.

And I was very debuted at Passion.

And Malik and I knew each other somewhat do social media.

And I had gone to the food court

on the second day of us being in Passion.

And I see Malik in the food court

when Travis got one's Gucci monogram pants,

which by the way, it's sane to think about today

like that you would wear something like that.

Oh yeah, for sure.

I have a Padre's jersey.

Yeah.

But in 2021, oh my gosh, I was in shambles.

I was like, he is in a young, and not to boast of my,

oh man, like Malik, I tell Malik this all the time.

And sometimes I actually don't think he believed me.

What?

You are my celebrity crush.

Like, even when we weren't together,

I would see you on my Instagram feed.

I'm like, oh my gosh, Malik Brookings

is actually just like so fine.

And when I saw you a person, I was like,

six, four, my type of truck of milk.

And I was like, I'm railing right now.

Oh, so was I.

And I was like, I absolutely am falling in love

in this moment.

And by the way, again, Malik and I didn't really talk

but I saw that.

And I was like, like just, oh my gosh,

I need to speak to him.

I need to talk to him when we talk.

And I don't remember anything that was said.

I just remembered that you were smiling the entire time

and I was just like, go go go go over you.

And I was like, he is so fine.

I was just looking at the little dimples

and like, your teeth and your smile.

And oh gosh, everything about you, I can't take it.

And then I walked away, mesmerized by the glory

and the radiance that God has shined upon your face

and had the pleasure to show me.

And I walked away and I was like,

Lord, let that man be my, and I'm not the type to pray to,

when I first met somebody like that,

not the type to pray to God about a man,

the moment I left, but I was so impressed by, again,

context, I just came out of the world

and have seen all these worldly men.

And I didn't think that there would be a man of God

who hit every single, like level of attraction,

character, personality, and you just had like,

like filled it with fine colors.

And I walked away and I was like,

Lord, let that man be my husband or somebody better.

And I guess there was no one better, which thank God.

I like, you were the best thing.

And after I met you, you know, we didn't speak.

And for a long time, for like two and a half years.

But I do remember, and I tell you this now,

there would be times where I'd just see on my Instagram,

like, oh my God, I was like,

probably like just like so fine.

It's nice.

And I'm just keeping it to myself, you know?

But I want to go Google Gogg over it again.

I did a go to the conference thinking,

like, oh, I might find my future husband,

but I saw you and I was like, that man right there.

Mm-hmm.

I'm mesmerized.

Mesmerized.

And the reason I suddenly, like,

tell me the first part of the story is because

he has a different experience.

Yeah, so my experience is really different.

So we were brought to our social media at the time.

We met in a food court.

I thought Emmy was very attractive.

So I was like, okay, maybe this is my time to talk to her.

And then when we started talking,

I was just like, oh, she's like immature.

I was just like, I was like, I was not feeling it.

I was not feeling it.

Well, it was good that the time,

I had just graduated college.

I was 21.

I was 90.

Yeah, Emmy was 90.

We were two years apart.

Two years apart.

And I was like, I just feel like I'm just

in a different state of life than she's in right now.

And we honestly were.

Yeah, we honestly were.

And after that time, we didn't talk

for about two and a half years.

And then it came full circle to where,

I think we started talking.

I think I texted her happy birthday.

It's always birthday.

Yeah, I texted her happy birthday after that.

It's always the birthday toast.

No, don't garlic pop.

Let me just say this right moment.

It is always the dang birthday.

I, here's my thing.

Molliek happy on Instagram for two years.

Why you never tell me happy birthday two years before?

You subconsciously knew I was your wife.

What?

And I, what he reached out to me.

No, I'm joking.

But I was like a out of the limb.

You haven't texted me.

And you just said happy birthday, and I was like,

I feel like we were texting around that time.

But okay, but I say happy birthday.

Okay.

After that, we keep talking.

Cause you reached out again.

Yeah, I reached out again.

And we were talking for about three days straight.

And you know, I told her I was like,

Hey, I just got out of relationship.

I'm not really looking for anything,

but I gave this clause at the end.

And I was like, there's a three minute voice.

Yes, I've been to a whole three minute voice member

about like, no, I'm not looking for relationship.

Love talking to you though.

We can be friends.

Then I was like, but if anything happens, do you know?

All right.

You don't say that as somebody you don't like.

Because my thing is is when Malik and I re-kendled

like two and a half years later,

which is in like 2023, I was like,

I also don't want a relationship.

I'm really cool.

I'm just doing my stuff for the podcast

and building community with women

and serving at the church.

And they sent me the voice, but mellow.

And I was like, this sounds great to me

at the end when you said, well,

something happens, it happens.

And like, I'm just gonna leave it up to God.

I was like, all right, I'm gonna leave it up to God.

You don't say that to somebody you don't like.

Right.

And so I was like, he thinks I'm cutie pie.

And I was like, I'm just gonna pin in the back.

I didn't necessarily like feel all the things.

But when you said that, I was like,

okay.

So if it goes somewhere, he wouldn't be mad.

So I wasn't very upset with that.

But it is, I think this is something

that I loved about the moment

when we first met through the talking stage

is that you would dress your intentions with me immediately.

And I think that's something that a lot of young men

have missed in the dating stage, knocking stages

is that they'll entertain a woman for so long

and don't express their intentions with them

or they're really at in life.

Just not being truthful and honest.

And through that, it could lead into being led on,

into ghosting, into simply just relational entertainment.

Instead of something that's being built off of

something that's solid and relational and intentional.

And what I really loved about Malik is three days in,

we were even flirting.

We were just talking, casual conversations.

But Malik read the room enough to know,

I've talked to this girl three days in a row.

That's enough evidence for her

to probably prompt something in her mind.

Yes, for sure.

So you took it upon yourself to tackle it

and give me the confidence of,

this is what I'm looking for.

This is my intentions as of right now.

And also, if something happens to change along the way,

I'm open to going with the flow of that

of wherever God is leading me.

But as of right now, I got out of a relationship.

This is where I'm at.

And I'm here to listen where you're at as well.

And that was incredibly mature of you, Malik.

And I think that's something that a lot of men miss to do

here in today's age.

Yeah, and I feel like a lot of times,

I don't know, men are just,

I feel like men and women are just scared

of being rejected, of being hurt, of being let down.

And I'm like,

Ra, shoot or shoot.

I'm like, you just gotta,

you just gotta say how you're feeling

and just be honest.

And I feel like as you be honest,

you're not only doing yourself a service,

but also the other person who you're interested in.

Right.

I think you literally just said that.

I felt incredibly respected when you did that.

I was like, because when you said that Malik

and you were like, this is my intentions immediately,

I was like, oh, he understands,

I'm worth an explanation.

Does, and I'm not trying to waste your time.

Exactly.

That's what a lot of people do.

And then also, you respect yourself.

Oh, yes.

Like, you respect yourself enough to be like,

I'm like, I'm way with this girl,

she's not gonna play with me.

So I'm gonna say, right out the gate what it is.

And I think that clarity and that transparency

brought so much honesty and vulnerability

into our relationship very early on.

And I thought that was incredibly key

and set the tone of how vulnerable and honest

we were gonna be with one another.

Mm-hmm.

And I think, you know, from that place,

it kinda led us into like becoming a boyfriend

and girlfriend.

We're just set your weird thing to say right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, the fact that we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

Yeah, that sounds a lot like childhood so gross time.

Yeah.

That's like so gross.

Yeah, I'm like, we married with a dog right now.

Yeah, like a boyfriend and girlfriend.

So I'm like, uh.

Yeah, it's like a foodie's.

Yeah.

Cooody.

Yeah, no, what I loved is that Malik and I told

each other our deepest darkest secrets.

The second day of us gained.

Out they gained.

Yeah.

The second day of us dating,

we told each other our deepest darkest secrets.

And I remember we were at your apartment

in your little office den area.

And we told each other the worst things about us.

And we were crying and everything.

And Malik had had started talking in August of 2023,

started, we really started like,

I like you in October 2023.

This is our dating in November of 2023.

Yeah.

And the second day of us being boyfriend and girlfriend,

we laid it out on each other.

They're like, we were like, look, this is what it is.

This is what it is and this is what we're getting into.

I'm gonna tell you the worst thing about me out the gate.

And we never got this advice from anywhere.

It was naturally.

It just happened.

Happened and it was actually so beautiful.

Yeah.

And I'm like, we, I think that was really mature of us

because in our entire relationship in that phase,

I can just look back and say we were very intentional.

We were very intentional of communicating what it was,

even the stuff that we were struggling and dealing with.

Because I'm like, hey, we're gonna say the things

that we feel could be very fearful,

not only for us, but to the other person.

Yeah.

This couldn't maybe make you leave.

But it was the fact that when we said what we said,

we basically double down and was like, oh, no.

I see what you're struggling with.

And I'm cool with that.

And same vice versa.

And I'm like, hey, any advice that you're gonna get from this,

find someone who's gonna rock with you to the end.

Because I'm like, we were people who were like,

I'm not afraid of what you're saying.

You're struggling with me and going through right now.

Yeah, like I'm not afraid of your brokenness.

And I feel like that's what's causing

a lot of hedges between relationships

is people afraid of people's brokenness.

And I knew that whatever you had,

I have the endurance to help you.

Same.

And I think the problem with that at times is

especially during the dating stage is,

women often think if I'm dating a man,

he has to be husband material out the gate.

Yes.

But he's not a husband yet.

So he can't be husband material.

Yes.

He could only be boyfriend material.

He becomes husband material through your help.

Because hen who finds a wife,

finds a good thing and obtains favor,

that favor is your husband material

that comes from the help of the wife.

And you can't be husband material.

It's oh, you're a husband.

So when you're dating as boyfriend and girlfriend,

your partner can only give at the title they're at.

And I think it was really great for us to exercise

exactly what that looks like for us

and being very intentional with one another,

sharing our truths and not being afraid

of each other's darkness and I guess brokenness.

And I think that created a greater empathy

and a greater compassion for one another.

And it prompted me like,

oh, I want to serve you in this.

Yes.

Yes.

I actually not only does this not scare me,

but I'm more aware of what's actually happening.

And we could share with you guys

what we told each other.

Yeah.

Which, you know, it's so crazy that we,

I just love that we did this.

It was awesome.

Because I'm like, I remember when we sat down

and then I out of the gate told you,

I was like, hey, I'm not making any money right now.

I was, because I used to make,

I was making a ton of money before.

And I heard the Lord tell me to leave

what I was doing and I left.

And then it was just a season

to where I wasn't making a lot of money.

And I think what really scared me was,

I think I was going to Emmy.

And she was like, yeah, I forgot you.

My God, babe, I'm so sorry.

I forgot how you said it.

She was just like, yeah,

all the other dudes I used to talk to before,

they wasn't making no money.

And I was like, oh, my goodness.

You shug one finances I didn't know.

I'm so sorry.

I was like, oh, it's so my God.

Wait, babe, but what had happened was like, literally.

Okay, because the thing is,

is that before I was dating Malik,

I was always kind of like the man of the relationship.

So I was always like, buying the flights,

buying the food, buying everything.

And I was like, these jokes was broke.

Like, I had, I still have men to this day I dated

who have not given me my money that.

It's very true.

They give me my money.

Give me my money.

So I vocalized that to Malik,

but I would have never thought you'd gone through anything.

Like, looking at Malik, hey, I want to never thought,

I want to never thought you'd look rich in my eyes.

When you told me that, I was actually like,

there's no way this is so crazy.

So like I had money?

Yes, it did.

I must have richness.

Mr. Richness over there.

But what was really crazy that we found out,

so Malik had shared with me that he was struggling

with finances out the gate that really scared him

in our relationship.

He's like, look, I'm not making any money.

And a relationship possibly inquires one day,

but he's going to have to make money for,

providing for the both of us.

And he told me that the second day of us eating.

And I had shared with Malik that I had been going

through some tribulation as well.

And it was mostly in my mind with dealing with

interests of thoughts, deep anxiousness, depression,

at-time suicidal ideation still.

And I had shared that with Malik.

And I said, my mind is like the worst thing.

I hate how my mind works.

I hate how dysregulated I could be at times.

And it's just something that always cries out for help.

And I'd shared that with him.

And I was like, yeah, my mind's all over the place.

And I'm probably not the most emotionally regulated person.

And I'm not even emotionally regulated,

but incarcerated by so much fear.

Yeah.

Not even just with, like, to be in a relationship,

that's in its care me, but fear surrounding everything.

Because when there's trauma that happens in safe spaces,

your body and literally your brain does not know

how to find safety anywhere.

And I have shared with Malik,

you know, my testimony, the background I came from,

and et cetera, and how it's really played

into the way I process things.

And how hard and difficult it's been for me to be the one

of my family that actually comes out of that cycle

and gets a dub for my family by actually dealing

with whatever all this has been to my family line.

And the amount of depression, anxiety, and the gaslighting

and coming out of narcissistic abuse and verbal abuse

and all those things has taken a great toll on my life.

And some of my inner thoughts are still the voices

of those that abused me.

And I was shared with Malik that I was just coming

out of a lot of that.

And still even to this day I worked through it.

I mean, your childhood development neurologically

is the most important phase ever

because it's going to teach you what coach you listen to.

And by the grace of God, he has eliminated a lot

of those voices and replaced it with himself.

But we told each other the worst things

about myself, the gate, and what I liked about that

is that we were both equipped to help each other.

Yeah.

That when you shared with me, you had financial burdens.

That's an area where I've actually been incredibly gifted

as wealth and finances.

And God has always just showed up and provided for me.

It's just it's not because I do anything specific

or I have like a business plan

that I'm going to sell a course for you guys to follow.

Like, I don't have any of that.

It's just God has been faithful to me through provisions

and vice versa.

God has been faithful to you regarding stability and assurance

and finding safety and even family figures

and growing up in a place that felt really safe.

I couldn't relate to that, but I knew you had it,

but I also knew that I had what you needed as well.

And so the very weaknesses that we had were the places

that we were able to help and pour into one another.

Yeah.

And I think that was just honesty and transparency

from the jump that we just communicated with one another.

Yeah.

And I'm like, that has led us to what we are today.

And I'm like, we continue to still be honest

and transparent with everything that we're going through.

Yeah.

I'm like, it's so, so neat it like, especially in relationships,

especially if we do everyday together.

It's like you can't not communicate.

You cannot be honest and transparent

when the hard days come and when you're struggling.

Yeah.

Because I'm like, that is what keeps us unified.

Yeah.

I think confession is such a biblical principle

that a lot of people just one ear of the other

and confession has been incredibly important

in our entirety of our relationships

is Malik and I share our inward thoughts with one another.

Scary ones too.

Like we have shared everything with one another.

And one of our mentors have really brought us

into the, I guess the illustration

that anything that is brought to light will be exposed.

Like it has no power when it's brought

into God's territory.

So if we're dealing with things in the darkness

and our minds, it will keep it honed in there

and we don't bring it into the hands of God.

Because one, every time we confess something

that's outside of us, it just feels like

it gets a million times less worse.

Yes.

When it's in my mind, it's like dang the sucks

but then the moment I confess it's like,

oh, this thing actually has no power

over the blood of Jesus.

Like I love Hebrews 13 or actually it's 12 where it says

that the sprinkle blood of Jesus speaks a better word

than the blood of Abel.

Like the blood of Abel representing like a curse of man.

And so all these things that we feel like are almost

equivalent to curses and strongholds and tribulations.

The moment that we confess them with our mouth

and understand that our mouth declares life and death,

there is already a diminutive of authority

that Jesus Christ's blood has over our problems.

And the moment that we get to expose them

and we bring the thoughts, which is what it needs to take

every single thought captive, is I'm interrogating

the crap out of you.

Like you don't get to stay in your cell

and just cause a ruckus and have your voice echo

throughout the entire chamber.

No, we're bringing you into the office

or sitting you down and I'm questioning you.

And no one like, was it like police movies and stuff?

They have like the light and they're like,

where did she say?

You know, it's like exposing it to the light.

That interrogation I'm like, you know,

and it's like when you bring something out

of the territory of darkness and you remind it

who it belongs to, which is Christ, everything belongs to him.

And you put it back in his hands and it's exposed.

It's gonna limit your shame and guilt.

It's gonna limit the actual delusion of how bad it is.

And it's gonna shed real reality upon the situation.

So you could have thought, you could have a feeling

and you could expose it to the light and tell it true.

Mm-hmm.

Because I'm never going to be able to address the lie

if I'm so scared of talking to the thing

that is bringing me so much anxiety.

Yep.

Like we have to come above ourselves just for a moment

and bring on the guidance of Christ and say,

okay, in order for me to take this captive,

I have to step into authority.

Like you take captives, captive,

by stepping into your authority

and telling you what it is and what it isn't.

Mm-hmm.

So you have to do these with these things

that make you scared and it's easier said than done.

But that illustration like has really drawn like a groundwork

of how to be vulnerable and expressive and all those things.

I don't know, as you were speaking, I was thinking about,

and I don't want to jump ahead

because I feel like we're still on dating.

But I'm just...

Laptop ladder part of it.

Yeah, I know.

It's a transition.

Yeah, I was, but I was just thinking about the first time

I like really had like this anxiousness come upon me

and it was still around finances.

And I was like, so, so upset.

And I didn't even know how I got there.

I was just anxious.

Like I couldn't feel my hands, I couldn't feel my face.

I was so scared and there's such a truth

that you're talking about when we confess with our mouths

because I remember when I brought it to you,

it was just in such vulnerability and such honesty

that I was just like, hey, this is what is still happening.

And I'm tired of it.

Like I'm sick of this.

It felt like a wilderness season

that I could not get out of.

And I was just so anxious, I was just so afraid,

I was just so fearful.

And I don't know, it's a feeling when you bring it

to the light that there's affirmation and encouragement

that I remember you spoke over me

because of the wisdom of in knowledge

of who Jesus Christ is to you

and who has what he's given you in your life

and what you've gone through.

And something that I took from that conversation was,

it's so easy.

It's so easy to bottle everything up

and stay in anxiousness and fear rather than speak.

But the thing that I love about

what we have stewarded in our relationship is

we've made each other a safe place.

You know, a safe place to run

to when things get really bad and inside.

Yeah, and do you wanna know every time

which we end up always confessing to each other

what's actually happening?

Yeah, we do.

There's never been a time where it's like,

oh, I'm actually telling what's happening.

We always do tell each other what's actually happening

even though it takes a while.

But do you wanna know what that hinderance is?

It's always shame.

Yes, it's always shame.

And I think of Psalm 34, five, and I love it.

And it's like, what is it talking about in regards

to shame in our site of the Lord in Psalm 35, four,

and it says, let them be, where's it?

Wait, 34, five, I'm on 35, five.

I was like, hello.

34, five, where it says, those who look to Him

are radiant and their faces shall never be ashamed.

And it's like the analogy that if I look at a light,

you do not see, if I look directly at a light,

you should not see a shadow.

My face is fully radiated with the light

that is bouncing off of my face.

And when we're unashamed, we could look to God

in His fullness of glory.

But when we are ashamed, we're looking at ourselves

with this where we see shadows.

We're looking at the person next to us

to the right off wondering somewhere,

but if we keep our eyes on the sun,

we are fully encapsulated by the glory of God.

And we have nothing to be ashamed about

because Jesus Christ has paid the price for us all.

Yeah.

And yeah, I think there has been so much intentionality

and power just, I think there was a lot of intentionality

that went into our dating stage

and it had to be put into our dating stage

so we could obviously get to engagement, get to marriage.

But then also understand we were dating for purpose

and not just for fun.

Yes, we were for sure dating for purpose.

And I think that was a really like prominent question

that we asked during our dating season.

And like really figuring out, okay,

we're not just dating each other

because we look really good and we're gonna try to get

to each other.

But like why are we actually together?

And we knew from the moment we started dating

that hell was trembling.

Hell was trembling because of what was about

to come through this union.

And I think from dating engagement into marriage,

it's been literally like so much spiritual way

for trying to stop all of this from happening.

Yes.

And it's like we have been so protected, so covered.

And there's been such a purpose.

I feel like through all of this that the Lord has been

teaching us on everything if we look back what has happened.

It's I feel like I can look to the future

and I don't know what's gonna happen,

but I know based on what has happened, what's to come.

And it's that the Lord will be glorified

and there's something that he's been producing in us

for a generation.

And I honestly feel like we don't even know

what it is fully, but it had to come

when we first asked the question of what is the purpose

of this and not just doing it to do it.

Because I'm like anyone can get together

with someone who they think is attractive,

but yes, that person may be a missionary

and you may be called to the local church.

And it's like yet, like it is not the same thing.

Like the Lord wants this person to be sent out

and he wants you to be planted here.

And I feel like in this,

you just have to know what the Lord is calling you to do

before you get into a relationship.

Yeah, and I think that also plays into,

like how you said, if you have two separate people,

just two separate callings.

I mean, which in some cases it could work.

I mean, if God is just like, yeah, sure,

that I think it's understanding the purpose

and I think we knew this moment we started dating

is that everything about you was growing to another level

because our relationship was pushing you there.

And same vice versa.

Yeah.

It was almost as if my gifts were being accelerated

and magnified because you came in as a helper

and God was almost foreshadowing this union we were about

to have, but I really relate to the moment.

We had, I don't remember if you remember me telling you this

and it was the night you asked me to be your girlfriend

and we were eating those boa bones at the joinery.

And I was like, Malik, I feel like there's a target on my back

and the devil really hates this.

And I have to tell you, Malik asked me to be his girlfriend,

like probably an hour later.

And I'm not the time to really like say stuff like that,

but I felt it and I was like, I really feel like

this is not what the devil wanted for me.

No, it literally felt like a,

I don't know how to describe it.

It felt like a, like a, like it felt like a shift.

It felt like a, like I don't know how I was like,

looking at everything in my perspective.

It was just like, like I don't know how to explain it

but it was just a shift.

I felt like I got incredibly aligned with the limit.

We had started life together.

It was like there's a divine alignment

that the Lord has put us in.

And I think it's just we're just supposed to be together.

It's the Lord's will.

And I think sometimes when we lean too much on aesthetics

and when we don't lean enough on purpose and assignment,

which again, I'm not saying that marriage

is primarily used for ministry.

That's not what we're saying.

Because marriage is the first ministry.

Yes.

What I am saying is that there is oftentimes a pre-matured

and an impatience that sparks on the inside,

especially if young adults that comes through passion

and lusts the eyes, lusts the flesh and the pride of life.

So where people can prematurely get married,

thinking that, oh, because I'm Christian

and this person's Christian, it has to work out.

And just because a person's Christian

and you have the same belief system,

doesn't mean that the relationship

is always going to be fruitful.

And I think that's our goal always

is that no matter what we do,

the goal of it is for it to produce fruit,

to give God glory.

So it's not necessarily what's the purpose of ministry,

but what's the purpose of our marriage?

Because the purpose should be to bear fruit.

And if we're constantly forning each other out,

it's not going to work.

And so not only were we compatible,

of course, we were attractive to one another.

Of course, we got along as friends, as best friends,

but we were more compatible as leaders

and as pastors and media generation

and sharing a heart that loves people so much

and just wants to give people a safe space.

And that and knowing that we both had

almost the same path was the biggest confirmation.

And that along the way, seeing that you were exalting

and magnifying the things that God has already put it

on the inside of me in St. Vice Versa.

And your presence was not diluting me.

Everything was helping me.

And I think sometimes when people get together,

the two people are completely diluted

of the person God has called them to be.

But God had exalted us and shown us

this is who you really are.

And I'm using this person to bring it outside of you.

And that was really special.

I feel like we did a tremendous job,

even now serving each other.

Like I feel like our entire dating engagement

married life has been serving each other.

It has.

I feel like we've been doing a really good job.

Yeah.

And there was a huge shift from dating to engagement

which that I like actually wasn't prepared for that.

I think I've like cognitive.

I remember when you like, when I saw you,

because how you proposed to me, he flew out,

he already saw me the week before in California.

Yeah.

So I like saw her in California the week before.

She didn't know I was coming back.

I was telling her that I was speaking at a church.

So my phone's gonna be off.

I'm not gonna be able to talk to you.

But I had already got the place.

It was in Malibu, called all her family,

all her friends in California.

I flew in my best friend from New York.

Yeah, flew in her best friend from New York.

I had to my my best friends flying,

my parents flew in and she didn't know.

She didn't know what was happening.

She didn't know I was in Cali.

I had turned off my location like,

I think months before because I was like,

you just not gonna know when it happens.

And I remember seeing her face when she came around

in that corner, she was just in disbelief.

Yeah.

But it means this type of person,

like she, she knew when it was happening.

Like she knew when it was happening,

what day it was happening.

But I feel like Emmy is so smart

that she sucked herself out.

Yes, I did.

She was like, no, it is not it.

But what if it is?

No, but it is not.

Yeah.

So I doubted myself.

So whenever I saw you, I was like,

oh my gosh, I was right.

I can't believe it.

But I was, but it was such a surprise

because I didn't think I'd be right.

Like it was just like when you're expecting the ring,

you think of everything.

I mean, that's just like,

that's just a girl thing.

Yeah, and I mean, it's time to just figure it out.

Yeah.

Like when it's going to happen.

That alone, the engagement,

just the first day of it was really insane

because I was going through a really weird season.

I'd shared this, but I had gone through a medical malpractice

where I was getting chronic sinus infections

because of the frequency of how much I was flying.

And I was pretty much overdosed by medication

with dexamethasone, a Z-pack, flow and A's.

I mean, flow and A's doesn't really do anything.

It's just a nasal spray.

And the dexamethasone is a quarter steroid

to where you're supposed to taper it.

So you're supposed to take little doses in the beginning

and then gradually scale yourself up

and then scale yourself down.

And so, and the Z-pack in the dexamethasone

simultaneously at the same time is just incredibly crazy.

I can't believe they let me take that at the same time.

But they didn't have me taper the quarter steroid.

And so, from that malpractice,

I gained about 20 pounds of,

25 pounds of water retention in a week,

which was incredibly painful.

I was bloated around my face, my arms, my stomach,

you name it, it's terrifying, it hurt.

I felt so uncomfortable and so unlike myself

because I weighed about 125 and then I jumped to 150.

I felt like my skin was exploding

and my appetite was gone

and I started feeling really weird.

My mind, I was having like scary brain fog.

And honestly, it just flushed it all out of my system.

They were like, we're not gonna give you any more meds

because the meds is what made you sick.

And so whenever I was proposed to,

I was walking that out and I was dealing with like a lot

of bodily shame that felt really sad during the time

and then I'd lost the 25 pounds leading up to the wedding.

Honestly more because I was on a crazy gallery deficit

and I was getting teet for the wedding.

Like what are we talking about?

But Malik was incredibly affirming throughout that process

and I think that was like one of the first warfare's

of the engagement was like there was like

this medical malpractice and walking out my identity

and just like kind of like my body and stuff like that

which I've never dealt with before.

I've always been really really confident in my skin

and that was the first time I was it

and I was like what's happening?

And yeah, that was like a really insane season

but you just came along and helped me decide it

and it was like so awesome just through your affirmation

and the way you made me feel that day was so magical

and I could just look back at that day and be like oh my gosh

like I can't believe that happened the way that it did.

But there was plenty of more things that happened

during our engagement to where it was like

does the devil not want us to get married?

Like there's a point where I'm like

I don't wanna play things on the devil

because like that's just doing too much.

Like there's no way I'm a child of God.

He don't got this much power.

So simultaneously there's so much happening

to where it's like is something up?

Yeah, it was a lot happening during our engagement season

because we almost get married and...

Y'all don't know that.

Yeah, we almost did not get married.

Like I mean like nothing.

Nuh yeah it was it was it was what can I say?

I think for me on my part I was struggling

with a lot of double-mindedness within

not because there was another female or anything.

I mean it has always been the one and only.

Has always been the one and only.

The one and only.

The one and only.

But it was it was a lot of

honest with double-mindedness if...

Surrounding your purpose.

Yeah, Surrounding my purpose.

If I was supposed to marry Emmy

what the Lord wanted me to do

and it was I feel like there's just a lot of confusion

and like the Bible says

the double-mindedness unstable in all his ways.

I was so unstable I think February 2024

to about March 2024.

We were...

0.25, babe.

It was 25?

Yeah, it was, it was, it was.

February 2025 to March 2025.

I was like fasting.

We were fasting for like two months.

We were skinny.

We were skinny because we were like Lord, we need answers.

This y'all, yeah it was a lot of stuff happening.

And what we have come to realize

that there was just a lot of things, opinions,

other things that really wasn't priorities.

We were putting them above our future marriage

and the season that we were in right there

because our marriage was and is our first priority.

Excuse me.

There you go.

And I feel like that's just a little bit.

Yeah, I mean.

What was happening?

I think the greatest challenge in our engagement

because it's like to those who are listening,

they're like dang like how to get that bad

to where y'all almost calling it off.

Like you could have just like extended it or something.

I think there were a lack of a better words

for the sake of confidentiality.

There were lots of voices by other people

on their perception of what our purpose was.

And because of that, it was causing an incredible amount

of confusion, not just to me, but also to me.

And we had to stick to what God originally said,

stand strong on it and more importantly,

through fasting and praying, reading our word,

getting closer to the voice of the Lord,

getting the voices away.

And again, Malik and I even did this.

They don't really argue at all.

Like we'll just have like, what is the word that we heard?

Always a cause.

Oh.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Yes.

Something disagreements.

It's like, it's like holy is holy something or fellowship

or something like that.

He did fellowship.

He did fellowship.

Yeah.

We'll have heated fellowship sometimes.

But aside from that, like we, Malik and I get too along.

Yeah.

And so throughout the entirety of our engagement,

it was really frustrating because what was tearing us apart

wasn't even us.

No problem.

We had with one another.

It was people actively coming between our marriage

with the agenda of the split as a part.

Yeah.

And I had to just make a decision.

You'd be like, oh no, I'm marrying Amy.

Yeah.

And after that, I feel like one, okay.

So one, I feel like something that one of my really good friends

told me because he's also married is in those moments

to where I was feeling double-minded

to remember and track the moments

where I felt the presence of the Lord.

And I remember there was a specific time.

I was so anxious, I was so stressed.

And then we was on the phone.

And mind you, we were long distance throughout this entire time.

And I was about to break it off long distance.

And I was on the phone with you.

And I remember I was just so anxious and you prayed for me.

And I remember after you got done praying.

Oh, actually, as you were praying,

I felt the peace of the Lord come upon me.

And I remember after you prayed,

he was like, Malik, did you feel the peace of the Lord

come upon you?

And I was like, this girl here,

Jesus, oh, they see her to the Lord.

And that was a special moment.

And I wrote it down.

I still have it in my notes today.

And I went back and wrote down every moment

to where I know the Lord has shown up for us.

From when I had no money,

and somehow he paid for the entire engagement.

He paid for all the rings that we've gotten.

And I didn't have to spend a dime.

Like the Lord showed up and provided.

And even times to where I didn't need money,

it was like, oh, I got this deal, I don't know where.

This deal, I don't know where.

And it was like the Lord showed up.

And I think after the decision of being like,

nope, we were supposed to get married.

And I know this is from the Lord.

Then I believe that was the beginning of the journey

of him teaching us what marriage looks like.

I think it's so crazy.

While there was so much spiritual warfare

that was happening during our engagement,

there was also simultaneously so much affirmation

that was happening, godly affirmation,

like miraculous affirmation.

Like stuck doors like this is nobody but God.

And it was always being answered right after we prayed it.

And right after we was seeking him.

And I think what was really intentional

during our engagement process,

which I really hope this encourages somebody

because you do not understand the spiritual warfare

of engagement when you are marrying the person

you're supposed to marry until you go through it.

Oh my gosh.

And what I would say is first John won for everything.

First John for everything.

Like test every single spirit, the devil will not go far.

He will stay very, very close

and he will even use very trusting voices

to try to deceive you.

And I shared a passage with Muleik.

It's my, I'm gonna teach it on this podcast

and I can't wait until I do about 1 Kings 13,

which is one of my favorite passages ever

because it shows a young prophet who leans on the voice

of an old prophet who was deceived

instead of leaning onto the voice of God.

And it led to his own death.

And because this man had trusted

into, again, this wasn't a false prophet.

He was a prophet.

He was just older, but the Lord allowed him to be deceived

for a moment to test the young prophet

if he really heard the voice of God.

There were tons of moments like that in our engagement.

And I knew from the jump that there was like really an attack

and I think for Muleik and his double-mindedness

and divisive thinking and confusion,

the Lord just had to work through him

and it had to be something where I just took my hands off

and just trust that the Lord was gonna speak to you.

And he did and God would confront him to me through dreams

and even regarding like the wedding.

And this is actually really crazy too

because everybody's liking our Instagram photos

like, oh my gosh, you're about to get married

and like liking my bachelor's, oh my gosh,

they're Palm Springs and the right of horses

and all these things.

Y'all don't even know that on the third and night

of my bachelor's I was hospitalized

because of the most insane panic attack of my entire life.

My whole body seized up, I thought I was dying,

which by the way, panic attacks had been normal to me before.

I was diagnosed with panic attack disorder when I was 18.

So I know what it's like to have a panic attack.

Like this isn't new to me.

This panic attack was at a different level to where it's like,

oh not like, the enemy don't like that I'm doing this right now.

And he don't like that I'm celebrating our union

that we're gonna step into marriage, et cetera.

And it was nuts, the amount of crazy,

I don't even just like the craziness of our engagement season

and the amount of stress we were going through

and anxiety because the enemy was doing the best thing

he could, which is to see us.

Because we got to think the devil,

and I don't like talking about him too much.

He is the best liar.

He is the best liar.

He lies very, very well.

He's the father of lies.

That's the only thing he's good at.

He just lies, lies, lies, lies.

So it is almost easy for somebody to fall into the lies

of the enemy when he's really good at it.

And as the enemy was lying his tail off you.

He was lying bro.

I was lying.

But God was showing up in ways that were like,

oh my gosh, God's in this.

Like for an example, the entirety of our wedding,

we had no idea how that was going to happen.

I transparently, my family has,

I loved that my family helps me out as much as they did.

It was so awesome because I do not come

from the richest family.

And I also don't have a relationship with my father

which was really heartbreaking through this season.

I think that was also something through engagement

that I was navigating as well as like the anticipation

of like, oh, I'm about to get married

and I'm reaching out to my dad

and he doesn't want to reach back out to me

and he didn't show up to my wedding which was really hard.

But with that being said, I didn't have,

financially have it been the most supportive

my entire life.

And I was like, Lord, I feel like I'm supposed

to have the wedding in my dreams.

I just have no idea how that's going to happen.

I even attempted to thrift a wedding dress

and that didn't even work.

God was like, no, you need to put it away

and get a brand new wedding dress and get what you want.

And my dress was only $2,000 which is nuts

because wedding dresses should be like six

and my wife was like two and it was like perfect.

And then even to the wedding expenses,

just like super transparent with finances,

the only people who contributed to our wedding

was my family and was built of three women,

my Mimi, my niece and my mom.

And that's like my village I grew up with.

My mom works overtime for like six months

at her nursing job to pull in $5,000

and then my niece and my Mimi brought in collectively,

$7,500.

And so they brought in $12,000, almost 13.

And the wedding, I think her budget was $48,000.

So then I'm like, I got about this $36,000 out of somewhere.

And then that's like the dress and the hair

and still the bachelorette and everything

and God was providing.

I got one brand deal, one brand deal

that covered the entirety of the wedding expenses.

Jesus.

The entirety of the even down to our honeymoon.

Yeah.

You guys.

Oh, yes.

That's the brand deal for the honeymoon.

We were supposed to go on a friendship with Amazon Prime

instead of UK.

Yes, UK and tragically and sadly,

this is whatever the wildfires in LA had happened.

And we were devastated.

I was really devastated because I'm from California

and seeing a lot of my friends going through such a

terrifying time.

They canceled the trip and they were like,

yeah, we just want to be really sensitive

to what's happening in LA

because the actors that were in the movie

were going to meet us out there

and their houses are burning right now.

And they said, so we're so sorry we know this trip

is a week out.

So we're going to reimburse you a kill fee.

I was like, okay, cool.

That gave us like $2,000 or $200 or something like that.

No, I also, it was crazy because two days before

I was like, Lord, my dream is to go to Rome for our honeymoon.

I have no idea how that's going to happen.

I have no money to do it.

Like just show me what you want us to do for our honeymoon.

And we were trying to plan it out.

And so I get on the Zoom call with the representative

from Amazon Prime, which he goes,

she tells us everything and she's like, okay,

we're going to wire the kill fee to you

and it is going to be $4,000,

which was the budget that we had,

like the Missouri budget to go to Italy.

And I was like, there's absolutely no way.

And we had booked a 10 day trip to Rome

with the $4,000 that we got.

And it was like nuts because it's like,

that's like me inviting somebody to my birthday party

that I canceled the birthday party

and then I send them a gift.

Yeah, you know exactly that.

No sense.

And so it was just like things like that

where God was just showing up and supplying.

And God was like, hey,

and to all my girls out there who don't have parents

that are showing up or don't have a strong enough

of a support system, I promise you,

I did not have the money.

Like, girl, I should have gotten in debt

over the wedding, but I did not.

And even we got so many influencers or deals

and people were just being so generous

or ever wedding, it was nuts.

It was so nuts.

It was like, wow, how amazing is this?

And I would just encourage those who feel like

they don't have a support system that God is more than able.

He's incredibly more than able.

And God supplied for me when I thought

nobody was gonna show up.

And when people even actively portrayed me

of showing up and told me that they would show up

and didn't, God showed up and supplied.

And so that was just like the affirmations

during engagement of like, oh no, like,

we're wrestling with this, but God keeps confirming

that we're supposed to be together.

And is on it.

I am the peace of God.

Yeah.

Every time we spoke with one another, every time

we put each other first.

Yeah, it was the favor of the Lord

and the peace of the Lord that was just on it.

He just wresting on us.

He was like, oh no, Malik and Emmy,

this is what you wanna do?

It's gonna happen and watch.

And he literally did.

Like he showed up in every area.

Yeah.

It's so sweet.

It is really sweet.

It's like when you look back, it's like,

there's no way we could have done it.

Yeah.

But he did.

And I think it's also acknowledging that

in the Christian life and when you're moving towards purpose,

because I don't think we realized that during our engagement,

it was spiritual warfare, but it was like pruning.

God's like, I have to cut off these places

because I want fruit to come out of here.

Yeah.

So it was constant pruning, constant cutting.

And it felt really hurtful during the time,

but just like Hebrews 12, it says that,

they hated discipline for a while,

but what discipline does not a good father gifts

to their children so they could learn and rise up?

I feel like even in the time too,

there's a lot of emphasis to where he also showed up

and allowed us to see each other,

which was what we needed during that season.

Yeah.

Of us going to, yeah, I don't wanna name them,

but the different brand events

that we're able to go to together.

It was like miraculous.

Oh, no, it was like,

we haven't been invited to anything like that ever since.

Yeah.

Like, we were abundant and we're gonna fly you out

brand deals all the time.

Yeah.

And give us two different rooms and come together.

I'm just like, yeah, thank you, Lord,

this is what we need in this terrible time

that we're going through right now.

It's like, to there be face to face.

Yeah.

Because long distance was very hard to have conflicts in.

Because I was getting upset

with Lily because he was being harsh with me.

And I was like, I feel like you're being harsh

because you don't understand I'm a real person.

I'm not just a girly pop on the screen.

You remember me telling that?

I was like, I feel like you don't understand

I'm a real person.

Like, I was like, get the freaking balls, bro.

And come out to fly out to California.

And if you really wanna break up to me, say to my face.

And the moment every time we saw each other,

it was like, this is my husband, this is my wife.

Yeah.

But you also see that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I mean, there was a moment in California,

even when we were face to face, I was like,

are we about to end this right now?

Because I was like, you keep playing games with me

and I can't do this.

Yeah, it was bad.

Like, I'm about to spaz.

Like, I feel like I'm out to like.

It was really.

Brass shower, bro.

And it was because the warfare was so thick.

And I mean, like, giants.

Like, huh, you wanna talk about Goliath?

It's a numerous amount of people.

Like, principalities, strong golds,

that was incredibly devastating.

Things of which were even still walking through.

And it was incredibly traumatic.

And, but what kept us was the faithfulness of God

and sticking to what he originally said first.

Yeah.

And I feel like once we did that,

that's when we got into the momentum of,

okay, this is how I can be a great husband and a great wife.

And learning from the scriptures and learning from the Lord,

what it looks like to be, you know, a husband.

And, you know, for me,

I remember having a conversation with Donald and Stamper.

And if we went out to lunch with him

and I was talking to him, he was breaking down,

I say, a 53 to me.

And what it looks like to actually die.

I actually die for my bride and to give my life for her

and to serve her.

And as Ephesians 5 talks about to sanctify,

to cleanse and to wash my bride daily

with a word and with scripture.

And what it looks like to be a safe place.

And I think when I do that, that's what safety looks like.

Not only just in a physical place,

but emotionally, spiritually leading moments.

And it comes through serving.

I think comes to die.

Cause I say if he did, he talks about how he,

how he Jesus, he was pierced for our transgressions

and bruised for our iniquities and upon him

was the chastisement that brought us peace.

And I remember talking to Jonathan

and he was like, true peace for your bride.

It comes through you dying.

And that's something, you know, even in the engagement season,

even now, I feel like I'm still learning how to operate

in true peace, you know, and what it looks like

to give myself for my bride.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's really powerful.

And I feel like there was so much equipping

through that season.

I think one of the things I actively talk about

during the engagement season,

I was losing the grace to be single.

Yeah.

I said in all the things I could do on my own, I couldn't.

And I was like, what's happening?

I feel like I could do all these things.

And now I can't like God was actively showing me

and preparing me for marriage

and stripping away

independency.

And I mean hyper independency.

It isn't me, my independency and my identity

has been lost throughout marriage.

But what it has shown me is that God was showing me

greater submission.

And when I think of greater submission,

I don't think of servethood in a sense of slavery, right?

When I think of submission, I don't think of slavery,

I think of servethood.

And more importantly, I think of dependents.

And in that season, especially growing up in households,

that teaches you to be hyper independent

and to be the parent of your siblings

and puts you in a constant fight and flight, parental role,

highly in control, whatever it may be,

the engagement season kind of forced me

to be incredibly dependable upon God,

of which prepared me to be dependent upon you.

And it doesn't mean that not dependent on the Lord anymore.

It means that I have two big great shoulders

I can rely on, which is you and him.

And that dependence has sparked something

so feminine on the inside of me.

Did you love pink?

Love it.

I'm a nut job for it.

And I think there's so many people who are like,

oh, Emmy, you're so soft.

I wouldn't argue that I turned soft.

I would argue that I turned dependent

because I was so independent off of this hypermasculinative

energy where my childhood taught me to be the man,

taught me to be the parent, taught me to be the emotionally

healthy one that taught me to be the leader,

that the moment I met a man like you, Malik,

who was able to make me feel safe

and I could finally rest at night.

I was able to not fall into just a form of softness,

but I'm falling into this alignment of dependence.

And that dependence wasn't only necessary for our marriage,

but that dependence was necessary

for my relationship with the Lord.

And it's something that I've not tasted or seen

until hopping into marriage

because I didn't realize how control obsessed I was

and how obsessed I was, how obsessed I was

with feeling empowered by my own decisions.

Does that make sense?

I now feel empowered by submitting to your decisions

because I'm confident that the word speaks to you

and I've seen it and I needed somebody stronger than me.

I needed somebody emotionally intellectual.

I needed somebody who was able to listen to God

in ways that I'd never heard him

and lead me to his presence time after time

and God has used you to help me to solely depend on him

and no longer depend on myself.

Yeah, and I feel like some that we've learned,

this was something that we kind of learned in our marriage,

but how I'm like, oh, I forgot I was,

I'm the fire pit and you're the fire.

No, it was the opposite.

Yeah, you're the fire, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

you're the fire place.

You're the fire place and I'm the fire

of having everything like detail oriented together

and I'm basically the fire,

but even so much so I feel like

where we have been able to help each other

growing a lot of different areas is I feel like I'm very,

presence-based, like in the form of Holy Spirit,

God, I can sit in your presence, I can play piano,

I'm like when I sit and play piano, I'm just,

I feel like I'm transported to the Holy of Holies

and I'm like, Lord, I'm here.

Like I know that I operate in a live and sonship

and that you see me in this whole thing, right?

And for you, not saying that you do not have that,

but there's such an authority that you speak with,

with a word and I feel like when we come together,

it's, it ain't nothing to be played with.

It's like because you can get truth in presence

and you can get the power of God and the presence of God

in the same place and I feel like we've both

been able to sharpen that gift for one another

and what that looks like.

And it's just been a lot of preparing.

Yeah, that have been feeling it's for something

that we don't even know.

Yeah, but the Lord has given us vision for it.

Yeah, I think, and I think the vision

comes from the compassion we have,

not just for him, but for his people,

having a heart for what his heart has.

Like having, wanting the same burdens that God has

for his people, for his creation, whatever it may be,

and just asking for those things and creating a soil

that could hold something like that.

And I think of Lynn Jesus says that his yoke is easy

and it's burning, it's like there's a yoke

and there's a burden, whatever that is, I want it.

And if it's easy and if it's like, cool, amazing,

but I want what you have.

And not for myself, like I want to do it with you

and I want to be like you.

I don't want to be you.

I want to be like you.

I want to share your glory.

I want to share your goodness.

I want to understand everything about you

because I'm just so mad, almost in this like majesty,

like of him and wondered and something

that you were saying even regards to being presence-based

and are gifting, sharpening one another.

I think that also played into the different backgrounds

we grew up in.

Malink is a PK psychologically.

He comes from a very, he has safe attachment style.

I have, at times, anxious attachment style

or just associated attachment styles.

And coming from me, a place where there's been a lot of abuse,

there's been lots of neglect in abandonment,

coming into our relationship with the man

who's always been secure, caused so much restoration

because we were able to teach each other so many things.

It was almost as like, I was coming to this realization,

I didn't know life was this good.

And then you were coming to this realization

of how new realize life can be this hard, challenging.

And we've really sharpened areas.

I've given you a lot of realism

and you've given me also a lot of realism as well,

but in hope and compassion and I've given you realism

as far as trials, tribulations, struggles

and meeting people there and helping brokenness

and what that looks like because I bless God

that I can empathize with the broken people

because I've been very broken myself.

I know what it feels like.

I wanna say this is okay.

Yeah.

Remember when we were watching the Joe's in?

And I was like Malink, if you are a disciple,

you would be John.

You're just like so loving.

Like I could totally see you writing Jesus loved me.

Yeah, I'm the beloved.

Yes.

I was like, I'm like so sweet.

You're just like a golden retriever of a boy.

You're just so sweet, so kind, so precious,

incredibly passionate and loving.

You stand on business about the right things.

Yeah.

And I was telling Malink, I was like,

if you were a disciple watching the Joe's in,

I was like, I think you'd be John.

So sweet.

And so then I asked Malink,

I was like, if I was a disciple,

which one do you think I'd be?

Let's tell you.

This is so funny.

Let me tell you my guesses for myself.

I'm thinking he'd say, like Peter,

because I'd be quite such a job somebody year off.

Like absolutely, I don't play about you.

Or the zealot, like the zealot.

I would have been like one of the Simon's.

I'm a Peter Simon the zealot.

Like where is Wayne?

I was like, I feel like I could totally sense, you know,

being super aggressive, you know, at times.

This is so funny.

And so the Malink, I was even thinking around it

and he said, I think you'd be John.

And I was like, what?

Cause I just said Malink would be John.

He's, I was like, John, you said, yeah, John the Baptist.

And I was like, what?

He was like, yeah, like that man, different.

Like I know John the Baptist.

I know John's not a disciple, but I was like,

no, technically, he prepared a way.

But I was like, yo, you would be John.

You would be the person that's like, I'm going to the king.

And I'm telling him he's in sin.

I'ma be bold.

I don't care what's good.

It's like, but that's you, you're gonna walk out there

and be like, yeah, king, you're in sin.

And you need to stop like this for sure, you know, I would.

That's like so by personality style.

I'm just like, bro, if somebody like down bad,

like, I got nothing to lose.

You thought, like, was something ahead of you?

I don't want you to touch.

It's like, so what he said, he compared me to John the Baptist.

I was in its funny because in the chosen, like,

John the Baptist just like cut a little different.

You know, got that shaggyness to his hair.

Yeah, yeah.

A long beard.

He's like, incredibly prophetic.

I'm flattered and simultaneously I was like,

yeah, he was like, yo, John.

John the Baptist.

I was, I was happy about one of the original 12 apostles.

Yeah, it was so funny.

Oh, it was so funny.

No, it really was.

That was really hilarious.

That was a moment.

Oh, Lula, it's so hard.

I was like, babe, I think you're in Johnny's.

I know that John the Baptist.

John the Baptist.

Let's clarify what we're talking about right now.

Inside.

Thank you.

I like it.

Yeah, it's a compliment.

I'll take it.

Yeah, but I feel like those are just moments that, you know,

we can laugh and have fun in our marriage.

In getting into marriage, I feel like when we just got

out, not say the whole story, but just a little bit of like,

the best day of our life was our wedding day.

It was perfect.

The Lord showed up.

He even showed up in rain.

Yes.

Because we got married in Florida.

Image dream wedding is an outdoor wedding.

And in that, there was a moment to wear our wedding planter.

She was starting to set up the whole wedding inside.

Because in Florida.

And I was like, what are you doing?

Yeah.

And in a, for summer wedding in Florida, it's like, yes,

about to rain every day.

And she was just preparing for that.

And then she goes to you, right?

Yes.

She did go to me.

She goes to you.

And she's like, hey, it's supposed to rain.

I'm setting it up inside.

And Amy is like my dream wedding is for it to be outside.

I don't really know what to do.

Whatever the Lord tells my husband, that's what we're doing.

And our wedding planter, Kelsey, she comes to me.

And she's like, hey, Amy wants to have that outside.

It's going to rain.

We're setting it up inside.

Basically, what do you want to do?

And me, I'm like, practically speaking,

if it's going to rain outside, maybe we should do it outside.

And she's like, but Amy's dream is to do it outside.

And I was like, okay, I was like, okay, let's,

let's do it outside.

She was like, are you sure?

I was like, yes, I have enough faith to believe.

If we do it outside, it's not going to rain.

And we have the wedding outside.

People are already stoned up at this point.

They take all the chairs, they put them outside.

And we have the wedding outside.

And I promise you, the last person that came in from outside,

that's when it just started pouring down.

After a ceremony.

After the ceremony.

And we were like, this is the favor of the Lord.

It was so beautiful.

And it's like, yes, Lord, you're here.

And you have stoned up, not only just at the ceremony,

but even after.

And this is amplifying your favor, your glory.

And it was so amazing to witness.

And that was simply the best day.

He poured out on us.

Oh, no, he literally did.

It was like, here's my present, my presence.

I'm here with you.

And I think the Lord showed us.

It was like, it was miraculous.

You had to be there to experience it.

It was nuts.