Dirty Little Secret: “The Grandmother With Nine Lives

We promise you'll feel better. Welcome to dirty little secret. Mix one on 2.9. Good morning,

Billy the kid Candice Lopez, producer Poo is here and a chance to see Harry Styles coming

up next after dirty little secret. A trip on us. Make that happen. Okay. Now if you have a secret

833-7871029. Okay. Confess. I don't care what it is. Just get it off your chest. Big secret,

little secret. It doesn't matter. Okay. It's a no judgment zone and you got one. What's up?

Okay. So look, I know this is going to sound terrible, but you got to hear me out. Okay.

My, my grandma has died three separate times. Wait. What does that mean? That's what my job

seems. Your grandma has died three times. Three separate times. God bless her soul.

Okay. Okay. Explain. One of those times real. Yeah. I'm so sad now. Go ahead. I mean,

but here's the thing where I work, the turnover is insane. I mean, I've had at least four different

bosses in the last five years. Okay. So yeah, none of them know each other. None of them know

much anyway. So every once in a while, when I really need time off, I pull out the emergency

card. My grandma passed away. This is so, so you said she's died three times. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I mean, but like it's, it's not the biggest secret. A couple of my co-workers know

about it. And I mean, they think it's a sterile. They do. Yeah. And they'll be like,

do your grandma die already? I'm like, yeah, but that was under the old management grandma.

Oh, God. I don't know how you keep a straight face. Oh, that's a stick. That's kind of funny. Yeah.

But the funniest part is my grandma is actually still alive and she's totally fine. Oh, she is. Oh,

God. Did she know that she's died three times? Oh, she doesn't know she's died. Yeah,

zero. Oh, good. By the way, grandma, you've died eight times at my new job. Right.

So this is where I can't know about bad about this, but one time I, you know, I went as far as

posting a sad Facebook post with a picture of her. So no, you can't do that. I mean, I said,

I felt kind of bad. One of one of my bosses, we were friends on Facebook. So kind of wanted to.

Oh, yeah, you had to go all in. Yeah, put that icing on the cake. Yeah, hopefully Granny's

on Facebook to have a heart attack literally. I died. So that's probably the most unhinged far

about it. Oh, I mean, I really don't feel that bad. That is funny. Oh, you don't feel bad. No,

why not? I mean, who cares? It's fine. It's just a job. This company that I work for, they

squeeze every ounce of work out of their people and every, you know, I mean, they act like we're

all replaceable. So yeah, I mean, I try to squeeze as much time off out of them as I can. Yeah,

why not? I mean, if grandma's got to die again, she's got to die. Yeah. I mean, but the way

the things are going, I'm pretty sure they're going to fire me anyways at some point. So that happens,

you know, it's great. She might have to die fourth time. Yeah. Oh, get that vacation. Give me that

bereavement time. Yeah, I got it. I got a heal. Yeah, you do. I mean, I can hear the painting

your voice, sir. Right. Yeah. What is that song? My granny got hit by a bazooka. Yeah.

I we've all lied to a job before. Oh, yeah. About to take a day off. Have we not? No.

Candace is looking at not let no, you've never said something that didn't happen happened. No,

because it's so hard to take off with this job. Like no, somebody just can't jump in and replace

it. No, I'm talking about a other job. Yeah, not necessarily. I know who has not necessarily

this job, but other jobs I have. Oh, yeah. Back in the day, I never say immediate family. I always

say my cousin. Oh, yeah. Or distant. Who's had a hundred cousins die? What's going on in

your family? Yeah, the motorcycle race. But I've always lied about like, you know, I mean, car

issues before Uber. Oh, yeah. You know, or like my dog got loose one time. I said that. Okay.

Who's going to say, well, too bad? They're going to be like, well, go look for your dog. Yeah.

Yeah. That was a long time ago. Not recent. Wow. So. All right. Well, sir, thank you very much.

And rest in peace to your grandma. Yeah. Lots of prayers. Yeah. If y'all ever having a bad

week at work, just, you know, I lay it out so y'all can play it out. No, I appreciate.