DISCOVERED that my spouse of four years has an ADDITIONAL spouse and CHILDREN

I hope you enjoy this story.

Discovered that my spouse of four years has an additional spouse and children in his country

of origin.

He left them behind and argues that he was compelled to do so at the age of seven, and expects

me to help pay them off.

I.

24F met my husband, 36M, Jake, fake name, about four years ago on Tinder.

Jake comes from a different country to where I am from, but he was my type and when we started

talking I was blown away by how charming and sweet he was.

This version of Jake never went away.

He has always been this amazingly charming and sweet person.

He's the type of person that when you finished having a conversation with him you feel better

about yourself.

Just to give you some context.

He and I fell in love quickly and got married fast also.

He was very eager to start a family as it gave his citizenship in my country more legitimacy.

By our second anniversary, we were married and I was pregnant with our son.

Jake still works in his home country and so every few months he flies back and stays there

with his mother, or so I thought, completes the work required and then flies back.

The rest of the work he can do at home.

The last few years with Jake have genuinely been the most amazing years of my life and

this is why the last week feels like such a fever dream.

This is hard to explain but a person on Facebook message me last Tuesday claiming that

Jake had been cheating on me and that they had proof.

I genuinely didn't believe this person and at first just ignored them.

But then curiosity got the better of me and I messaged back and asked what proof they

had.

They proceeded to send me a large collection of photos of Jake with another woman and two

boys.

I know these photos were relatively recent as he died his hair blonde for the Barbie movie

at my request and has kept it like that ever since.

The person told me that the woman in the photo was his wife and the two boys were his sons.

I obviously didn't want to believe it.

I tried to find ways it was fake, Photoshop, A, whatever I don't even know.

I think the person blocked me after that, as their account just comes up as Facebook user

now when I look at the chats.

When I had got home I confronted Jake and he started crying and confessed that everything

was true and that he had a wife and two sons, who looked to be about 13 and 9.

But I could be wrong that's just my best guess, in his home country that he was still

married to the woman.

I asked him how he could do this to me, how could he have lied to me for so long.

I told him I was going to expose him to the other wife and he said not to bother because

she already knows and supports him.

I left and have been staying with my mother ever since.

This has been the hardest week of my life and some days I genuinely haven't wanted to

get out of bed.

Jake has been texting me saying that he will break things off with the other wife completely

if that's what I wanted and he texted me saying he thought I wouldn't mind which

genuinely made me sob into my pillow.

I have never felt so low.

Part of me, stupidly I know, wants to take him back.

The years I had with him were the best I have ever had but this betrayal is just, I don't

even know how to explain the hurt I feel.

Comments, boop-alops, he chose you because you were young and naive.

He was charming and sweet because he was conning you.

He had a plan the whole time.

His wife is supporting him because he is bringing her and the kids over once he establishes

residency.

Edit, this is debatable, as some commenters have pointed out, but either way, operating

strictly off of what has been presented here, if he has actually told his wife and that

was her actual response, that is likely to be the agreement that was forged, whether or

not he actually honors it.

He is a user and is still using you now because he believes he has control over you.

You not go back to this person, what you knew is not reality and he is counting on the

illusion he created to be powerful enough for you to stay.

You know what you need to do.

You're understandably in shock but please get your family and friends involved to support

you, you did nothing wrong.

Please consult a lawyer ASAP to see what your options are because like others have said,

fraud has been committed.

Lollie Brock, if you want to get really mean contact immigration and tell them your husband

has a second family and see what happens to his green card.

LG DNCR, I don't even think this is mean.

It's just fair.

He shouldn't get citizenship through a fraudulent marriage.

Sufficient dinner 27, op you are what is called a punitive spouse, one who unknowingly married

someone who was already married.

Your marriage is invalid and a court could free you of Jake and put an end to his dreams

of residency.

Do it.

One Neo Furb is, forget about the cheating, if this is true, you've been used to commit

fraud.

You should be getting an attorney and reporting him ASAP.

He committed fraud to get a visa and his wife back home is his partner on crime.

Plus underscore data underscore 1099, 100% and as soon as he has his papers he will leave

her and move his family over that's the reason first wife is okay.

Update, hi guys, first and foremost, I would like to thank you all for all the advice

and support everyone has given me since I posted my original post four days ago.

It's been over a week since I left to go stay at my mother and this time away from Jake

has been so good for and allowed me to see what was really important to me.

Since I originally posted Jake and I have been talking and he let me know that he has

broken things off with his other wife.

Apparently it wasn't even a legal marriage thing.

He explained to me that when he was a child his parents and his wife's parents arranged

for them to be married.

This happened when he was seven years old by the way but it wasn't a legal wedding

just like a ceremonial thing that links his family with hers.

He said that he never actually loved her but was required to marry her or his father

had to pay so much to his wife's family as like punishment I guess.

I felt really bad for him I could tell he didn't want to be with her at all and was only

doing it so his family were okay.

The relationship isn't real on either side which is what he was trying to tell me when

he said his wife supports him.

They're only married because they're required to be.

I'm so relived now he's explained everything to me.

He told me he won't be contacting her again but because of this we will have to send

a small amount of money to the wife's family for the foreseeable future which of course

is not ideal.

But it is better than the alternative of him going over to be with her every few months.

I wish he just told me the truth from the start.

But don't worry I've signed us up for couples therapy.

I know this is likely not the results you guys expected or wanted so many of you were

so bloodthirsty for him without even understanding what he was going through.

The thing that kind of concerns me now is what the relationship will be like between

my son and his other half siblings.

I think I would like to foster a relationship between them if I can.

I'm just glad to be back with Jake.

I love him so much.

Comments, commenter, I find this pretty unbelievable.

Have you talked with his wife to confirm any of this?

Oop, not per se, but I can tell usually when he's lying and he wasn't this time.

Commenter, except for the whole double life thing right?

Apart from that you read him like a book.

Commenter, info, will you be paying into this money that is ostensibly going to the other

wife's family?

Or will he be paying it solely from his income?

Oop, I don't have an income ATM so it can't come from me.

Commenter, not a real marriage, yet they're half siblings?

Oop, he had them before he even knew me.

Commenter, yeah you would have also been 10 to 11 when the oldest was born.

Does that not shout red flag to you?

Oop, what has that got to do with anything?

He wasn't dating me then.

Funny goose 5616, love how she glossed over that his wife knew all along.

Of course she knew, she's in on the plan.

As soon as he can afford it, wife and kids will be on the next plane over and Oop will

be out on her naïve but CBM 984, I'm so relieved that he's been lying to you the whole

time, came up with an explanation that paints him as a victim, doesn't let his real wife

weigh in and is more than happy to abandon his two kids.

WTF?

Law underscore fancy underscore me.

Tbh I know in a lot of places women are just expected to marry and have kids and they

don't have the rights or option to start a life on their own.

So in that situation I can understand a lot of women just want to live in peace and quiet

with their kids and consider themselves fortunate if there is no abuse and they are financially

provided for.

It's grim but probably rings true for a lot of women all over the world.

So I can imagine that she probably did know he'd found a different foreign woman to

shack up with and was just happy to have the freedom.

Or perhaps was hoping he'd financially be able to make a better life for them if he was

living slash working there.

Or as you said was hoping this would open the door for her and her kids to immigrate themselves.

I can fully believe that if you marriage is all about duty, you may not necessarily care

to have your husband around or if he's fucking someone else.

But he deceived up from day one.

And he's deceiving her still.

And now he's just casually agreed to abandon all his responsibilities, including his children.

I hope for his first wife his financial contribution is enough to support her and her kids and

that he never goes crawling back.

Because she may not have the freedom to say no if he does.

And may not have any options to provide for herself and her kids.

There are sadly still plenty of countries where a woman's well-being is entirely dependent

on her husband or her family.

It's funny how Op has been convinced her husband had no choice and is just a victim of the

situation.

And she was put into a situation she didn't consent to, due to him, and his, previous,

slash X life and truth may very well not have had any options and may still remain without

any, partially thanks to him, partially potentially due to culture or legislation.

So in this situation it was actually him who was the only one who actively had choices

presented to him and chose to take the freedom slash options away from the women in his

life.

Now onto the next story.

Story 2

Golden Child Sister promised to let me have my special wedding year, then blindsided me

by deciding to get engaged to her boyfriend of six months and married a month after my

wedding.

I, 24F, am planning my wedding to my partner of almost six years.

We got engaged at the end of November 2023 and we set our wedding date for September

2024.

Before we get into the current situation I want to provide a little context.

When we were growing up it was always abundantly clear that my sister, 20F, was the family

favorite.

She was always given special privileges and talked more highly of than me.

For this reason, we didn't get along during our childhood and most of our teenage years.

After attending therapy as an adult, I came to understand that I couldn't hold my parents

treatment towards her against her because she was a child and the only people to blame

are my parents.

After working through that, her and I became really close.

For the past few years we have been inseparable.

She's my best friend and I am hers.

I asked her to be my MO and she was so excited.

She started dating her current BF, 21M, in late October of 2023.

Of course, he just so happens to be everything my family has ever dreamed of in a son-in-law.

The exact opposite of my partner, the past six months they have been together my sister's

partner is all my family talks about.

They are all about model appointments.

Right after my engagement my sister said that when she found out about my upcoming engagement

she made it clear to her BF that this year was about me so she didn't want him to bring

up anything marriage related until after my wedding.

She said she wanted this to be my year.

I've dreamed of this wedding my entire life and maybe it's selfish to say but I just wanted

this one thing to actually be about me.

This leads us to the current situation.

This night my sister, 20F and her boyfriend of 6 months, 21M, FaceTime me together and

told me that they decided to get married.

They said that he would go to ask my parents either today or tomorrow for permission and

then he would immediately go by a ring.

They then said that they want me to help plan the official proposal which will happen in

two to three weeks with the wedding set for November 2024.

I told them that I needed time to process and I ended the FaceTime.

An hour later my sister called me to talk about it and I was sobbing.

I explained to her how badly it hurt me that she of all people would do this after she

promised that she would let this be my year.

I explained to her that I want to be happy for her but I'm grieving the loss of my special

our family hears about their engagement it will be as if I and my wedding doesn't exist.

She cried while I explained myself and then said don't worry about it.

Just don't worry about it.

I have to go and hung up the phone.

I haven't heard from her since.

Right now I feel like I have lost my wedding and my best friend.

I am the villain in her story for ruining her moment and she is the villain in my story

for taking this milestone from me even after she promised she wouldn't.

Where do we go from here?

Ada for not just being happy for her?

Comments, Fafo 13, NTA.

But I would definitely take a step back from your entire family.

Your sister wants to be the main character and it seems like she's jealous because you

were getting all the attention.

Disastrous as teachy of this.

Deep down, she's not really your best friend.

Plan your wedding and have a fabulous time with people who actually want to celebrate

you and don't want to secretly compete with you.

Lagans are 22.

I'd be really interested to find out why the sudden change from we will not talk about

marriage until after ops wedding to we are getting engaged now, six months into dating

at 20 years old, happened.

I bet would be pregnancy personally.

Normal reward 72 57 up.

I bet the sister is pregnant.

Otherwise underscore degree underscore 729 NTA.

She did it on purpose.

She got engaged six months into the relationship.

Now you have to plan her official proposal after that they will ask you to plan other

events for her wedding.

They not even officially engaged and already have a wedding date coincidentally one month

after yours.

If they look for venues they are going to find one available for a month prior to your

wedding.

Your sister gives the vibe of an immature child that needs to get something first at all

costs and that of a high school bully that says something then does something else entirely.

Asparagus overall 84 54.

So they're getting engaged and married within a year and they've only been together

a year.

Yeah, that's going to turn out well.

That being said, I'd be upset as well.

Your sister sounds like a jerk.

I tell them to go kick rocks.

One tone underscore 4,608 up.

They met six months ago and they are planning to get married in the month of their one year

dating anniversary.

I have not figured out why things are moving so fast but I hope to get some answers on

that soon.

Along the watch tower could sis have a bun in the oven?

One tone underscore 4,608 up.

She hasn't mentioned pregnancy to me at all.

However, if she is pregnant I really wish she would have come to me and explained the

rushed engagement and wedding under that context.

As it stands, I'm really upset with the way she chose to go about this.

Along the watch tower, I would hope she could better explain it.

I was hoping it wasn't jealousy on her part and would explain the quick engagement.

Maybe a break from your family would be helpful.

Or just low contact.

Update, thank you all for the advice and the comments of my original post.

I'm sorry for taking so long to post an update for you.

By the way the sister is not pregnant.

I spoke with my sister on Tuesday of this past week and it was not a very positive conversation.

I was still extremely hurt and she was angry with me for ruining her excitement.

I ended that conversation by telling her that at the end of the day, she would have to

make her choice on whether they would go through with this engagement and wedding or wait

until after my wedding based on what felt most right to her.

She left me on read and I didn't reach back out because I felt like the ball was in

her court.

Last night she reached out to me and apologized for hurting my feelings.

She said that she doesn't want things to be bad between us over this.

She then started asking me more questions about how I felt.

After some more explanation I asked her if she had talked to her boyfriend about our phone

call.

She said that she did and when I asked how it went she said that he told her she needed

to reach out to me and try to make things right.

She said it took her a while to reach out because she was still trying to process her

emotions but ultimately she knew he was right.

I asked her what they decided to do and she said that after several days of talking

it over they have decided to postpone the proposal until after my wedding in September

She said that their new plan is to get engaged soon after my wedding and plan their wedding

for early 2025.

They have not said anything to our family about the engagement and my family has been blissfully

unaware of the state of my sister and I's relationship.

I guess you could say that this is the best case scenario for this situation.

There is still quite a bit of tension between my sister and I but hopefully that will get

better with time.

Comments, Maeve Carpenter, you need to make sure she understands she can't be proposed

to it your wedding.

Out of ducks to give, that's exactly what I was thinking.

Maeve Carpenter, I worked in weddings for a while.

I'm not saying sister is going to do it but the money spent on security to keep an eye

on the two of them in particular would be worth its weight and gold for peace of mind.

30C's 101, if I were you I wouldn't trust my sister.

Please be careful.

Basic underscore professional 95.

If op goes scorch earth with her sister, then that will definitely result in her being

spiteful and making the announcement before slash during the wedding.

So her best bet would try to keep the peace, but remain guarded.

That broken trust won't be fixed easily, if at all.

Purple Lightning Song.

5050 the sister made peace to use the wedding as her proposal backdrop.

Basic underscore professional 95.

Did you just keep this update short?

As apologized for hurting your feelings is a bit of an understatement of what happened.

She broke your trust.

She knew this has been a problem for you for years, to the point of uniting therapy, yet

she just glossed over that in her moment of excitement.

I'm glad she's trying to fix what she did, but that also requires to admit what she has

done.

I hope you just kept it short and she owned up to everything.

Fleet underscore and underscore flotilla.

Her sister may not be pregnant, but I questioned the idea of talking proposals and marriage after

six months.

I would recommend you speak to her about the insanity of that choice, but given the situation

as it is, it's probably best not to add any fuel to a still smoldering fire.

One tone underscore 4,608 op.

My parents have been encouraging her to do this since they hit the one month in their relationship.

I wholeheartedly believe that my parents are more interested in getting him into the family.

She's their dream son, rather than looking out for her best interest.

Because of this, a couple months ago I sat her down and had a hard conversation.

She was upset with me for a couple days, but I told her that I could not live with myself

if I didn't at least give her another perspective on this relationship.

She lives with our parents, so she is hearing their perspective every day.

I explained issues that can come up with someone that you don't fully know yet.

And I told her that at the end of the day, I wanted to protect her from ending up in

a situation that I have been in in the past.

I tried to explain to her that some things you only learn about a person and time.

Right now you're in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, and that's not an accurate

representation of what the relationship will be.

People are usually on their best behavior at the beginning and then over time as they

become more comfortable and the news starts wearing off things can change.

I finished the conversation by saying that if he really loves you and has all the best

intentions with you, he will still be here a year from now.

A good man will not walk away from you because you want a date for one year before getting

engaged slash married.

I guess she didn't take what I said to heart and decided to take her chances.