Dismissive-Avoidant in Bed: Why They Pull Away (and What Actually Works)

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If they finish… then shut down, this episode is for you. Today we break down dismissive-avoidant attachment in the bedroom—why someone can crave the physical but avoid the intimate—and what actually works to make connection (and foreplay/aftercare) easier.

I’m joined by Dr. Sam Zand, holistic psychiatrist, Chief Medical Officer at Better U, and founder of Anywhere Clinic. We cover:

• How dismissive-avoidant shows up in flirting, foreplay, sex, and aftercare
• Why intensity ≠ intimacy (and the “walls up after sex” moment)
• Common patterns: control kinks, porn/solo focus, skipping aftercare, substance-aided intimacy
• Nervous system basics: safety, arousal, orgasm, and freeze responses
• Tangible tools both partners can use tonight: eye contact, breath syncing, clear aftercare scripts, and “safe-to-connect” micro-habits

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