Dr Charles Stanley - Why Our Needs Remain Unmet - Part 1

0:00What you've got to decide right now is am I going to be absolutely honest with myself and with God? Or am I going to keep trying to fool myself because I don't want the pain? And you can sit here and act like it's not happening. God knows it's happening. God knows the kind of structures that all of us have built. And I'm going to use myself as the first example because I want you to know if you're not willing to be honest with yourself, you're going to miss it and I you know what I don't believe you can afford to miss this. It's easy to blame other people for our problems but maybe you've had the experience of discovering that you can sometimes be your own worst enemy. We're glad to have you with us today for in touch the teaching ministry of Dr. Charles Stanley. Today's message helps us see the humbling reality that sometimes we might be the obstacle that keeps us from receiving God's solutions.

1:24So that's what I want to talk about in this message and that is why our needs remain unmet. So rather than just turning to a passive scripture, we'll just use Philippians 4.19 and turn to some other passages. And I want to begin by simply saying this that God certain desires to meet all of our needs and you may be familiar with this verse but in case you're not, turn if you will to Matthew chapter 6 for a moment. You recall this is the sermon on the Mount and right before we have the pattern prayer, you recall this is what Jesus said. He had been talking about people just using repetitious words in their prayers and saying the same thing over and over again in verse 70 says, and when you're praying do not use meaningless repetitions as the Gentiles do, but they suppose that they'll be heard for them any words. Therefore do not be like them for your father knows what you need before you ask him. God wants us to know that he is interested committed to

2:25and able to meet every single need that we have. And if you look at his life for a moment you'll see that he came to meet people's different kinds of needs for example. The Bible says that he fed the 5,000 that he forgave the prostitute that he healed the blind man that he blessed the little children who came to him that knowing that Peter had had a bad night fishing when Peter said to him, Lord we tried that all night last night and it didn't work nevertheless it's your word we will go again this morning and remember the Bible says that when he told him to drop your nets here they caught more fish than it ever caught they caught some men that had to call their friends to help them. So he helped Peter out in his fishing business. He had the biggest hall he'd ever had in his whole life. Jesus met the needs of those who have bereaved Mary and Martha for example certainly felt his comfort when he went to meet them at the death of Lazarus. He taught his disciples how to pray he helped them with their instruction of learning how because they watched him in one day they said to him, Lord teach us to pray

3:29that is we want to be able to pray the way you do get in touch with the father the way you do so that we can see the same things happening in our lives and this is why he let it tell him he said the things that you see me do you'll do greater things than these when I go to my father and so Jesus certainly came as the need meter to meet people's needs and what you find the gospels everywhere you go he's meeting somebody's needs now with all these promises the very life of Jesus Christ himself somebody says well but I have needs and my needs are not being met why isn't he meeting my particular needs so that's what I want to talk about in this message so I want us to think about something for a moment and that is we think in terms of the fact that he desires to meet our needs and we ask ourselves the question why doesn't he well let's look at some very evident reasons he doesn't then let's look at the big major reason that I want to talk about certainly one of the reasons he doesn't meet our needs is because he warns us this in James chapter 2 and he says you have not because you asked not there are many people who have needs who never think to call

4:33upon God their excuse as well God's too busy why is he interested in my needs because he says in the psalmist that he will perfect the very thing that concerns us he'll meet all of our needs according to this rich is engloin Christ Jesus therefore we should ask him we should come to him and say God this is the need of my life and I'm trusting you therefore he says one of the reasons our needs aren't met we don't ask him in the next verse in that fourth chapter third verse he says a second reason he needs to not met is because you ask he says with the wrong motive you ask with a selfish motive you're not asking in a way there would be pleasing and audible to God but a first selfish motive so he says therefore not going to meet it for that reason the third reason he says in James chapter 1 he says because if you and I come to him doubting we come to him doubting he says let not that man a woman who doubts who wavers in their faith expect to receive anything from God so therefore one of the reasons he doesn't meet our needs is because we doubt him we don't ask or we ask a miss one of the primary reasons he doesn't meet our needs because we have sin in our life he

5:39says if we regard iniquity in our heart he'll not hear us which is his way of saying if I hold on to it deliberately willfully choose to sin the 66th Psalm 18 verse deliberately willfully choose to sin against him he says he will not hear us and so hear us some very basic reasons he doesn't hear of course one of the primary reasons that he does not meet our needs is because oftentimes we're asking for symptoms not the need and so we're not distinguishing between the symptom of our need what our real need is the root need we don't ask him for we're asking him for some symptom and therefore he's not going to do that another reason I believe our needs are unmet is because when God chooses to meet our need we reject his method we don't like who the need is coming through or who the solution is coming through we don't like the way God wants to meet him sometimes God chooses to meet our needs through painful difficult circumstances that you and I will never choose

6:41so therefore because we wouldn't choose it we think this certainly can be of God a Lord if this is what you're going to do it forget it I'll do my own way so one of the reasons he seems that he fails to meet our need is because we can't accept the method by which he chooses to do it and then of course I think one other way and the primary thing that I want to deal with here is the fact that we want to do it our way and so if I want to do it my way and I want to get my needs met my way then God isn't going to interfere oftentimes not I'm always he's not going to interfere with I think I know how to do it best God's going to let me make a mess of it until I come to the conclusion God I need you to meet this need in my life now that's the way oftentimes we choose to get our needs met and they're the reasons it doesn't happen and so we want to blame God and sometimes we get angry with God Lord you're not answering my prayer you said you'd answer my prayer but somehow you don't know with that in mind let's remember this then when you and I grew up we experienced all

7:42kinds of things we came many people came from families where they felt rejected where they felt abandoned they felt hurt they felt pain they did not feel a sense of worthiness because they were told you'll never amount to anything they didn't feel very competent because they were told you can't do that why do you think you can do this they suddenly didn't feel they they belong because they said you know you were an accident and so when you think about all the pain and the hurt and the ignoring that goes on of children and the kind of rebellion and the kind of disobedience that parents get into and neglect their children and overlook their spiritual needs and overlook oftentimes their physical and material needs children grow up in very difficult circumstances oftentimes verbally physically or sexually abused by their parents so what does that child do that child does whatever child does whatever single one of us has done in some fashion of the other that child has to learn how to cope with hurt and pain and suffering that child has to

8:50learn how to build emotional sort of mechanical defenses how do I handle this here's the pain here's the hurt my parents are gone my parents abuse me how do I handle this kind of pain he doesn't sit down and analyze that but in that little mind they begin to figure out what do I do how do I handle this and what happens is all children develop mechanisms of coping they build these emotional structures in their life in order to be able to survive the tragedy is that those structures don't work the tragedy is they don't cause the child to feel loved the structures don't make them feel wanted the structures do not give them a sense of worth or competence over longing they have to live with struggle with fight over defend a look for a search out anything possible to give them a sense of worth and belonging in a sense of competence now we've talked about how people

9:52usually respond and we talked about how we look at needs in our life and why God oftentimes does not answer them but the one that I want us to deal with primarily here is I want us to talk about this whole idea of trying to meet them our way and what we do we go about building these structures building these devices emotionally in our life in order to help us to survive or what I'd like to do is I'd like to mention several of these to say right up front this is not the way that you deal with needs in your life those emotional needs that are not being met this is not the way to do it but this is the way oftentimes we do it and so what I'd like to do is to mention several needs and give a brief explanation of them and then here's what I want to ask you to do now if you if you're not willing to do this then you know what we're wasting our time but I believe you are because I think you've already regited in your heart something that's somewhere along the way

10:53we've hit on something here and I know we have what you've got to the side right now is am I going to be absolutely honest with myself and with God or am I going to keep trying to fool myself because I don't want the pain and sometimes to discover what the real need is and to be willing to deal with it is a very painful it's extremely painful so I'm just giving you a warning up front you can need to sit here and deny it and you can sit here and act like it's not happening God knows it's happening God knows the kind of structures that all of us have built and I'm going to use myself as the first example because I want you to know if you're not willing to be honest with yourself you're going to miss it and I you know what I don't believe you can afford to miss this if you want a real sense of contentment and ever experience real joy in your life and have wonderful loving relationships you cannot afford to miss what I'm about to say so if you're listening say amen all right what is one of the primary ways we deal with hurt

11:54pain suffering excruciating things have been done to us abandonment being ignored one of the first things we do we deny it that's the first structure and probably the most the prominent the structure we build we'll just deny it now if I can cram it stuff it jam it to the point that I can deny that it ever happened then I don't have to face it then I'm not going to reach out to say to someone else I need you to help me denial is my way of hiding denial is my protection denial is a structure I build in my emotional being that says somewhere along the way if I put this aside long enough that I'm going to be able to just outgrow this and get over this you see denial is the form of control if I can deny it then I can control my feelings I think you can deny something like that so long and become so absolute tell it deceived about your own denial that you will in genuine

13:00honesty you think in your heart say it never happened to me know that never happened to me that wasn't no I don't know why you got that that never happened you can deny it so long that you absolutely become fully convinced that it never happened now I'll give you a personal example in my own life you've heard me say before that my father died when I was nine months of age well if you had said to me and I can remember exactly how I felt when when people would say well stand out where's your father my father died when I was about nine months of age and I never knew him period closed conversation it's over that's the way I thought well God sent me up for something because I've been preaching a long time and one day one of our secretaries walked in one Sunday brought her daughter in and want to meet us in I'd seen a lot of times before brought her in and

14:00she said she's nine months of age this week well she reached out to me I didn't have to reach her when she saw me she reached out to me I took her in my arms and held and talked to and sort of fathered up a little bit and tell us which she was now wonderful which she really was and she grown up to be a grown girl today she's in college so she hugged me a little bit my hugged her and gave her back to her mom when she walked out all of a sudden it hit me I thought she knew me nine months of age I knew my father well that was on Sunday so then I sort of ignored that walked away sheve it down on a Saturday afternoon I was in the prayer room by myself and I remember something that happened to me just in a brief moment just like that I saw my grandfather and my father sitting on this log out in the woods talking each other and they were just laughing and all

15:04of a sudden it was just a brief moment her vision and the only reason I knew it was my father was go I've seen a picture they were sitting out in the woods on this and just laughing and talking all of a sudden I wanted to get in on that conversation real bad and it was gone and I remember what I felt I felt very angry with God I just angered just boil up inside of me God what have you done to me why isn't that why why did you take my father away now up until this time and I'm in my forties then up and this time here's my answer it was the will of God God took him end of conversation end of theology end of it all and so what have I been doing jamming it cramming it stuffing it did I do it deliberately no did I do it consciously no but you see I was in a state of denial well I was denying that had any effect on me at all why well it couldn't have had any effect on me because God did it that is if God took him and I was nine months of age and I never knew my father

16:04God did it and this is how I know where you can reason God does some making mistakes I God didn't do anything in error God's an absolute controls therefore if he did it that was right therefore ignore it move on in life the only problem with that is I knew him at nine months of age I didn't know much but I must have known him if I can know this little girl that I didn't live with and she just every once in a while I would see her and at nine months of age she reaches out to me with this big smile I wonder how many times that I'll reach out to my father the big smile well it was that conversation with that little girl and that incident in the prayer room that God used to bring me to realization I had to deal with something in my life because up until this time I had felt God being very distant now I could pray I could trust him for big things little things all the things are going on in my life I could rejoice about and yet there was always this distance between God and myself now I say all of that to say this we can deny things we don't even realize that we've

17:07denied him and we think well they don't have any effect upon us yes they do and I want to say this over and over again you don't get healed by osmosis you don't get healed simply because time goes by these needs do not begin to be met simply because you have ignored them and denied them and time goes by no they don't they are there and until they're dealt with the real basic need will not be met and the basic need in my life at that moment was to feel an intimate personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ in my emotions not just in my theological thinking God knew that I needed a sense of acceptance by him that he unconditionally loved me none of that was a part of my life until he brought me through these three experiences this is why I've said this over and over and over again building an intimate relationship with Almighty God is such a wonderful foundation for building a relationship with someone else open transparent all the rest it's the bottom line

18:13building a relationship with the heaven the Father's a bottom line and I want to encourage you to begin to ask the Lord to show you how to do that Dr. Stanley's message made it clear that the first and greatest need we have is to be forgiven of our sin Jesus met that need on the cross the forgiveness he secured for us by his sacrifice on our behalf is a gift that we can receive by faith once we accept that gift our sins are forgiven and we have God's promise that he offers to meet our other needs as well you can learn more about who Jesus is and the new life he offers at ntouch.org and to listen again click today on radio on our homepage if you'd like to order a copy of today's complete message why our needs remain unmet visit our online bookstore this message is also included in our teaching set God has an

19:15answer for our unmet needs again that's ntouch.org you can also call or text 1-800-NTouch if you prefer to write our address is ntouch post office box 7900 atlanta jorja 30357 the bible tells us to bear one another's burdens that's not always easy evaluate your attitude toward leaving your comfort zone with today's moment with Charles Stanley it's just a head you don't need to be perfect for your children but with just a little encouragement we are a pro at this aren't you a lot of laughter some time and attention and a bit of patience you'll pass along confidence and affirm connection with God that lasts a lifetime in his book Man of God Dr. Charles Stanley helps us understand what it takes to grow into a man after God's own heart

20:15order your copy today at ntouch.org slash store does your prayer life need a jumpstart with the in touch praying with purpose cards the time you spend talking with God will take on a whole new level of energy and intimacy beautifully designed and easy to use or to share with a friend there are prayers to lift up each day of the month along with corresponding bible verses and more for your set of praying with purpose cards call 1-800-intouch or go to intouch.org slash store you're listening to in touch what makes a Christian truly helpful here's a moment with Charles Stanley well the truth is i'm afraid that most of us are so consumed with our own burdens we have little time to think about other people and i've heard people say that well i have so many burdens of my own i have so many heartaches of my own i don't have time to be thinking about others well think about this Jesus is the real burden bearer and in the 68th Psalm in the 19th

21:20verse is what he says blessed be the Lord who daily bears our burden so you see we don't carry all about burden he carries our burden why in order that you and i may help other people who go through difficult in hardship and carry their burden in the 55th Psalm he says for example cast all your burdens upon the Lord and then it's interesting in Galatians what he says when he's talking about the burden for example that other people have brought upon themselves and he says brethren if anyone is caught in an atress pass you who are spiritual distors such a one in the spirit of gentleness each one looking to yourself so that you too will not be tempted bear one of those burdens and fulfill the law of Christ what is he saying simply this there are people who get into mistakes in their life fall in the temptation we are to help them we're to pray for them we're to do whatever we can to bring them back into the right relationship with God that doesn't mean that we tolerate them by bearing their burdens or put up with them but rather we jointly showled the burden

22:26that they're feeling in their life and all of us have been in situations where we needed somebody to help us and it's easy to forget that then we say well I just don't have time somebody took time to help you in those particular situations every type of burden no matter what it is whether something spiritual or whether as he says a late averse in six chapter to bear our own load there he's talking about responsibility Jesus is the burden bearer and he's given us the responsibility to help others number one is to pray talk to God in their behalf to lift that burden from them also by serving them in some fashion and by giving or helping love is the greatest motivator when he comes to bearing someone else's burdens if I love them I want to get up under it with them if I'm selfish I'm not going to I'm going to go on right walk right by them while they're hurting and they're in pain and never feel it and never see it the greatest hindrance the bearing someone else's burdens is selfishness Jesus was the burden bearer

23:30and he's given us the responsibility to do what to do the same thing he did in fact you and I are more like Jesus when we are bearing someone else's burdens than we realize learn more about serving others and sharing their burdens at ntouch.org and if this program has encouraged you to know Jesus better please let us and the people around you know next week on ntouch we sometimes wonder why God doesn't meet our needs more quickly but our attitudes and behavior can often be the reason for the delay we'll hear what to do about that Monday on ntouch the teaching ministry of dr. Charles Stanley this program is a presentation of ntouch ministries at lanta jorgev and remains on this station through the grace of god and your faithful prayers and gifts