Dr. Stephen Post: Pure Unlimited Love & 7 Paths to Inner Peace | EP 712

Coming up next on Passion Strap. Freedom means a lot to me, but more in terms of honoring the spirit

of freedom, which means the positive version of the golden rule, which means much more to me than

the negative version. Do not do unto others what you would not have and do unto you.

Well, I can get home tonight, and if I haven't kicked anybody in the shin, I can probably feel

okay about myself, hopefully not. But if I've used my moral imagination and I've asked myself,

how can I contribute meaningfully and positively to the lives around me, then I've fulfilled the golden rule.

Welcome to Passion Strap. I'm your host John Miles. This is the show where we explore the

art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. Each week I sit down with

change makers, craters, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover

the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression

of who we're capable of becoming. Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader,

or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and

act with intention. Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection, and impact is choosing

to live like you matter. Hey friends, and welcome back to episode 712 of Passion Strap.

We've spent the last several weeks navigating the season to be coming. We've deconstructed

identity under pressure, explored agency when the world narrows, and studied the mechanics of

flow and momentum. Last week we anchored that season with a look at the Dunbar number, the hard

wired limit of our social capacity. I discussed by the coming year may not require a larger reach,

but a smaller radius, choosing death over scale, choosing the integrity of the few over the performance

of the many. But that shift brings us to an inevitable question. What is all this movement for?

Becoming gives us the capacity to move, but meaning is what gives that motion a direction.

Without it, we aren't growing. We're just accelerating in place. Today we open a new chapter,

the meaning makers, the architecture of significance. This isn't about the fleeting high of achievement.

This is about the structural integrity of a life. We are looking at what sustains the human spirit.

Once the roles are filled, the goals are checked off, and the external noise of success fails to

quiet the internal ache for something more. My guest today is Dr. Steven Post. Steven has spent

40 years at the intersection of bioethics, neurology, and compassion. His research looks past

the sentimentality of giving to understand the biological imperative of altruism. He asks,

what happens to the human system when our concern finally outgrows our self-interest?

In today's conversation, we deconstruct the anatomy of meaning. My significance is a biological

requirement for health, not just a philosophical choice. We go into the discipline of love,

moving from love is a fleeting feeling to love as a repetitive nervous system regulating practice.

We unpack the exhaustion of self. Why more for me eventually depletes us, while more for us

restores us. And lastly, we go into the difference between a life built on trades and a life built

on contribution. If you have ever reached a summit and found the air strangely thin, mastered the

doing, but feel avoid in the being, or suspect that your true work begins where your ego ends,

this conversation is for you. Before we dive in, a quick note on a project that's close to my

heart. We often spend our adult lives trying to rediscover the self-worth we should have been

anchored in as a child. My new children's book, Releasing February 24, titled You Matter Luma,

is a bridge to that truth. It's the story about inherent value, the kind that isn't earned,

but simply is. You can pre-order it now at Barnes & Noble or at www.umatterluma.com.

If this episode resonates, please share it with someone navigating a similar season.

And if you haven't yet, a five-star rating review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify helps these

conversations reach the people who need them those. You can also catch the full visual experience

on our YouTube channels, PassionStruck Cliffs, and John R. Miles. Now, let's begin the

meaning makers with Dr. Steven Post. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be

your hosting guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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I am absolutely thrilled and honored to have Dr. Stephen Post on PassionStruck today. Welcome,

Stephen, how are you? I'm fine, John, and thanks for having me aboard.

Well, I cannot tell you how excited I am for this interview, and we're going to be talking throughout

about your extremely valuable new book titled Pure Unlimited Love Science and the Seven Paths

to Inner Peace, with a forward by his holiness, the Dalai Lama. Congratulations on its release.

Well, thank you very much. I'm excited. We're just about at the launch.

I love the book, so that was one of the reasons I wanted to have you on this show. And I think

you're a living example of someone who's PassionStruck. So the question I love to always ask

asked is, what does it mean to you to live a PassionStruck life? I have been referred to

as a passionary. That may be a neologism, but it's really definitive of my life's work,

whether it's in medical humanities and compassionate care, building programs at Case Western,

Chicago, here at Stony Brook. I've always been a Passionary and engaged lots of wonderful people

in these ideas and practices, but it's also something that on a spiritual level, if I may,

begins earlier in life, really in high school, when I was 14 or 15 years old,

I determined that this would be my calling, my passion, and I'm a big believer in the idea of

calling. Everybody has gifts and talents that they are free to develop hopefully and apply to

the benefit of some identifiable constituency. You were lucky that you developed your calling at

such a young age. I think I first started getting wins of it when I was in my mid-30s, and at that

point, I really had no idea what to do with it, because who I was being called to serve

seemed so foreign to me at the moment. Can you take us back to that 14-year-old version of

yourself and how this hit you? It's really pretty straightforward. There's nothing

particularly remarkable about it. I was at a high school in New Hampshire and a

Piscopal high school, St. Paul's, and there was a little grade school across the street,

across Pleasant Street, and that's where the French Canadian kids, many of them were quite

impoverished, went to school, and I made it my mission in life to be over there at least three

times a week, tutoring them, and I enjoyed that so greatly that I knew from that moment

that my destiny was somehow to be a messenger, a conveyor of truth and someone who would

spend his life teaching, and I've done that. Despite all the ups and downs, I've been very fortunate and

blessed. I've stuck with my callings. It's important to stay with your callings. Don't get

diverted by a little more prestige, or maybe a little more money. You've got to stay with your

callings because that's what's deep inside, and that's what you're given, and I've been blessed.

I think that raises a good question for you. I think sometimes people feel a calling,

and then they start going to pursue it, and what naturally happens is things get tough,

and it gets harder and harder. You feel because you don't see the traction possibly

that you're making with that calling. Have you ever had feelings like that where you maybe

lost sight of the calling or have advice for someone who feels like they're not making ripples

towards their calling and what to do and how to bring themselves back to it?

Well, that's where spirituality and calling and the love of nature all come close together.

I think it's very important not to be caught up in a lot of the technological manifestos of our time

and to simply get out into the natural world, which I do regularly. I'm going to ride the ferry

from Port Jefferson to Bridgeport this afternoon and get on a train for Boston, and I love that ferry.

When I'm on that ferry, it gets me away from all of the little

the events that are really unimportant over the course of the day. I'm here in the big university

environment, and I get lots of different interruptions, but I have to get away from that,

and I have to really center myself meditationally, mindfully, and prayerfully on what really matters

in my life. I have been able, fortunately, to do that, not without a few ups and downs,

admittedly, but I've been fortunate and I've been really grateful for that.

Well, one of the things that this podcast is really about is how to create a flourishing life.

And I'd like to ask you this philosophical question, how do you personally measure flourishing life?

What does success mean to you? Well, success is a very difficult word to use because it means

all the wrong things to great many people. I'm surrounded by wonderful medical students here. I was

at Case Western, you Chicago, Ann Arbor, just really talented people, but it doesn't mean that they

feel in their hearts that they're successful. They can get tired out, they can get burned out,

they can feel that they have done all they can with their careers, and they want to shift something

else. So you have to be very careful with what success is. It includes balance in life. A lot of

our great doctors do get, in fact, so out of balance that they can't quite make themselves focus

anymore on their coral and coins. And that's what they're best at. That's what they should be doing.

So I think balance is really important and not overdoing yourself, although on the other hand,

going sometimes beyond what most people would ordinarily expect.

Well, I think that's a great answer, and it leads me into your book. And for those who are

listening, we live in a world now that feels every day more increasingly divided, yet your work

invites us to return to the most unifying force of all, which is love. Not romantic love, but what

you call pure unlimited love. Can you start out by defining what that means and how it differs from

the love most people talk about? Well, first thing to be honest and clear, I was given that title

by the investor, Sir John Templeton, who founded the Templeton funds years and years ago.

And he was my mentor for probably 15 to 20 years. And we went all around the country, all around

the world, talking about a kind of love that is not typically on the tip of everyone's tongues.

It's not the love of designer genes, although I like designer genes.

It's not the love of chocolate, although, again, I like chocolate, but it's really by definition

as follows. And we agreed on this together because I was really very close to him. He loved me and

I loved him. When the security and the well-being of another is as real to you and meaningful to you

as your own. And sometimes even more, you love that person. Now, there's no fancy language there,

John. No Greek, no Latin, no Hindi, nothing like that. It's just pretty ordinary,

common, sensical, street corner language. And it works for me. It's always worked for me. And it

works for a lot of people who have encountered and influenced. So if you have a student who comes

into your office and they're imperiled and thinking about quitting medical school,

you know that you want to put yourself aside and take their security and their well-being

seriously make time for them. And that's what love really is. It can be loved for people who

are what I call deeply forgetful. I've written a lot about people with Parkinson's and Down syndrome.

I believe that they are the great test of love because they are cognitively

compromised. And yet, they're still there underneath all of this. There is still a human being

with a soul, I believe. And it's been my joy in life for the last 40 years to reach out in a

special kind of mission of love, a kind of a calling to those populations. So for sure,

that's what pure and limited love is. Now, that's the definition at a deeper level.

I have a wonderful colleague here, Jeff Trilling. And he's very mystical. And I said to him, Jeff,

we talk a lot about pure and limited love. What is it? I don't want a definition. I want you to

tell me from deep inside what is pure and limited love. And here's what he said. This is in the

introduction of the book. He paused and he very slowly said, it's the first thing you see.

When you close your eyes for the last time, comma, hopefully, which really means he's talking about

something metaphysical, not just ethical, but metaphysical. And I do believe that you've got to have

that in the context. Before we continue, I want to pause on something important.

Listening to a conversation about the science of giving or the biology of love is one thing,

living it, especially when our own resources feel thin is another. So many of you write to me saying,

I want my life to mean more, but I'm just trying to survive the week. I'm stuck in the doing,

and I don't know how to shift into being. That tension between contribution and depletion,

caring self-protection is exactly what this conversation with Stephen Post is about. Meaning

isn't created by doing more. It's created by how we give and whether that given is chosen freely,

not driven by guilt or obligation. That's why each episode in this series is paired with reflection

tools inside the ignited life. We don't give you answers. We help you build the architecture to find

them. Ask in questions like, where am I choosing transactional trades over transformative contributions?

What would it mean to reduce my radius so I can actually feel the impact of my care? Inside the

ignited life you'll find weekly reflection prompts type to Stephen Post insights, identity and agency

practices and tools to help you integrate these meaning maker principles into how you actually live.

Because meaning isn't a feeling to wait for, it's a choice you practice consistently and with

courage. You can join us at theignitedlife.net. Now a quick break from our sponsors. Thank you

for supporting those who support the show.

You're listening to Passion Struck on the Passion Struck Network. Now back to my conversation

with Dr. Stephen Post. Thank you for sharing both of those definitions. I think it speaks more

more to what more of the world needs to be as we become less and less connected, which brings me

to his holiness, the Dalai Lama. I have never had the opportunity of meeting his holiness,

but I've interviewed a number of people who have from varying different disciplines,

but through it all, he seems to touch each one of them uniquely and gives them all their own,

I guess, task or a mission from him, but it all comes to uniting humanity to be in service to

one another and to make the world a better place. He wrote that for you, the book addresses theme

such as consciousness and interconnectedness. But how did that connection come about, and what

does it mean to you to personally have his words in your forward? I really appreciate his holiness,

the Dalai Lama. I was in Bangalore, India, where they have the Indian Institute for Advanced Studies,

and he sometimes shows up there. He likes it quite a bit, and they have wonderful

neuroscientists, wonderful Hindu philosophers, and also some Western philosophers.

And I was giving a talk on dignity for deeply, forgetful people. I don't like the word

dementia, John. It's too much like the word retards. It's a very negative word.

Sometimes our politicians deride their antagonists by calling them

dementia, which I do not appreciate, invites negative metaphors like shell, husk, empty,

gone, and so forth. So I've been popularizing the expression deeply, forgetful people,

which is now on the tongues of about half the primary caregivers in America based on our recent

Gallup study. So that's an accomplishment in life. I want to see them come out of the shadows. I

want to realize their creative potential. That's what I love to do. I have a calling for that

particular constituency, and I've had it for a long time. But in terms of his holiness, I was

giving a talk about love for deeply, forgetful people. John, you'll be happy to know this. I don't

have enemies, but I have adversaries. And I take my adversaries positively because they're the ones

who bring out the best in me. I have adversaries here at Stony Brook. I had adversaries in Cleveland,

in Case Western. They're always going to have some adversaries, and they push you, and they try

to diminish you at times. But that's a blessing. That's a beautiful thing.

So I was talking about the deeply, forgetful, and how we should not

think less of them because their memories are weakened due to these conditions that they

must deal with. And I said that we in the West are hyper-cognitive, meaning we so value

intellectual dexterity. That really comes to define personhood morally and spiritually.

So if you're not cognitively fully intact, whether you're reading John Locke or Emmanuel Kant,

you're not quite a person, and you're therefore not quite protected under the umbrella of

do no harm, or benefited under the umbrella of do good. So that to me is very important,

and I was talking about that, and his hole in his walk into the back of this

aura, and I was very surprised, and he said he put his hand down on the table, and he said,

there's no reason to think less of somebody because they are memory impaired.

They still have creativity. They still have love. They can still enjoy the beautiful colors of

the fall leaves. They can do many things. They can be very wonderful contributors to society,

and we need to completely turn that attitude around. I was very much taken with his words

and felt confirmed, but because I remember that in Hinduism and Buddhism,

the mind is not just residual, it's not just tissue, it's not just brain, it's not just cells.

It utilizes the brain, but it's more than matter, and this is what all the great spiritual

traditions argue that mind even comes before matter, it's not just derived from matter.

And I believe that very strongly since I was 15 years of age, and hanging out with Steve Jobs

at Reed College, reading the autobiography of a yogi, and one night this motorcycle guy came

into the coffee shop, and he was all lit up. He had a black leather jacket on with lots of spikes,

and it was about nine at night, and he said, who wants to go for ride on my brand new Harley-Davidson

shovel house, the fastest bike in the world, and like a total fool because my executive function

didn't develop until I was in my mid-20s. I said, I'll go for ride, and I jumped on his

bike, it was raining out, it was slushy, it was late January, and this guy took off, he had 180

miles an hour in the city of Portland going through every stoplight, blowing through every stop sign,

went out on the Pacific coast highway, headed south for an hour, and he was screaming into the night,

rain, and cold air, and I thought I was dead. I honestly felt this was my final moment on earth,

and I was crying, I was in tears, I just didn't think I could make it. So lo and behold,

he took the incredible U-turn, the evil cannibal U-turn, and he dropped me off right where he picked

me up exactly where he picked me up in front of the coffee shop, and I stumbled across the bridge

there's a ravine there to my dormitory, a Akraman dormitory, and I never picked up the payphone,

in those days John, they had payphones. I never picked up the payphone, but I had given my mom who was

in New York the number some months before, just as I crossed the threshold, the phone rang, and now it's

11 at night in West Coast time, and it's two o'clock East Coast time, and it's my picked up the phone,

I felt nudged, I felt really almost pushed by some kind of mysterious force to pick up the phone,

so I just picked it up and I said hello, and it was my mother, and she said, I just woke up, I had this

incredibly frightening premonition that you were dead, and I said mom, I thought I was dead too,

we went back and forth about that, and she said I was sweating, your dad didn't know what to do,

I'm just calling you, and I'm hoping you can help me get through this, and I said mom I'm okay,

but I almost was dead, so you were very intuitive, and we talked about the idea of the non-vocal mind,

or the one mind, it's an idea that Deepak Chopra and Larry Dossi in many great

spiritual thinkers hold to, and so I said to my mom, your 3,000 miles away,

and we don't have any communication, but somehow you knew that I was incredibly imperiled

at this particular moment, and I wanted to say mom, and I did say, that's the power of a mother's

love, it's the power of pure love, and she had a lot of pure love, so I believe that can happen with

mothers and children, and there's a lot of history of that, their whole books written about it

by people that somehow or another, the strongest form of love in the human experience

is motherly love, I don't know if you agree with that, I hope so.

Well you definitely, there's nothing quite like the love that your mom shows you, so I definitely

have felt it, yeah, so I've been very blessed, so ever since that event, and some dreams I had

when I was in high school, I've always felt that mind is more than a matter, I was at the University

of Chicago, and I had the opportunity to study with a Nobel Prize laureate named Sir John Eccles,

and he won the prize for figuring out, before anyone else, the basics of the communication

between brain cells, he basically laid out the synaptic communication system.

Pretty impressive, he was incredible, and he always said to me, Stephen, I don't want you to think

that mind is nothing but matter, there's more to mind than matter, and there's a chapter in the book,

made the one mind, and that's what all those people at Bangalore like is holiness, but

there were two or three hundred of them there, and they were all very well regarded in Indian culture,

intellectually, scientifically. They do the mind in a way that we somehow don't quite grasp,

I think, in the West, at least not as cleanly as we could. I want to go back to that motherly

love, because in the book you translate a big word love into ten concrete forms.

Why does this will of love matter so much for everyday behavior change?

That's a great question, and I'm so happy to answer it, because it really is the heart and soul of

the book. Since I was 15, I get up every morning, I meditate for an hour or so, I pray,

and I am very concrete, I actually imagine the encounters I'm going to have over the course of the day.

I have a lot of repeated interactions, like I run a center here at Stony Brook, I

share a division of medicine and society, and I pretty much know, I'm in my office right now,

I pretty much know most, for the most part, who I'm going to encounter, and what their need is.

And so love, it's very hard to come into a functional school or workplace, and just be spouting the

word love, pure unlimited love. I once did that at Case Western Medical School, and a lot of people

thought I'd gone nuts, but what you can get across is the expressions of love. What expression does

love need to take in this particular situation? So I spent a lot of time around

patients who are suffering, and I asked them, can you identify your suffering? And then they need

compassion. So compassion is one of the 10 forms of love, it's not the only form of love,

because depending on who you speak with, not everybody is suffering, or at least not everybody is

suffering equally much. So compassion is when you have an empathic presence with someone who is

suffering, and it includes the desire to alleviate that suffering. That's something his holiness

always says. He says, we in the West, sometimes we talk about compassion as a pleasant,

internal emotional state. That makes us feel good about ourselves. Maybe it's virtuous or whatever,

but it is not attached with actual efforts to alleviate the source of that suffering.

It's really not quite valid. So he wants us all, and he said that to me a number of times,

he wants us all to have active compassion. And sometimes when I come into this

hospital in this workplace, I use a little bit of mirth. Murth is on my wheel, because look, to be

honest, a lot of people have forgotten how to laugh. I don't think you have, but I think laughter is

so important. Norman Cousins laughed himself through a major illness that everybody thought he

was going to die of. And then he started the Norman Cousins Center at UCLA in California,

and is completely devoted and has been for 35 years to the empirical study of laughter.

What happens to our emotions are biochemistry when we laugh. I think laughter is so important,

because in a sheer millisecond, a tasteful, uplifting,

tactful, non-derisive bit of humor can turn people around 180 degrees. And so the other day,

people in the hallways seem to be a little bit despondent. And I said, by the way, I want to tell you

a little new joke that I've heard. Where do ghosts build their houses?

Here we go, on dead end streets. So just a little thing like that, never derisive. Even around

patients, mirth can heal them. Mirth can be very healing, but it has to be tasteful. It can never be

hurtful. It can never be humor. It's someone else's expense. And this is why they talk about the

laughing Buddha. This is why Dostoevsky wrote his book, The Idiot. There's a lot of this east and

west that mirth and humor and laughter are important. Another thing, I won't go through all these,

but forgiveness is very important, because a lot of people, I know they need to be,

somebody made a huge medical error. And it could even have resulted in the loss of a patient.

And they may be thinking about leaving medicine. You never know. I've seen it happen.

And so what I need to say to them, and I'm meditating on this early in the morning before I leave

for work, what they need to hear is something that Martin Luther King said beautifully. He said,

those who make no mistakes make nothing. I saw that on the desk of a neonatologist

in Lexington, Kentucky, once upon a time. And neonatologists make lots of mistakes.

And everybody does. Medical students include it, of course. You've got to be able to live with that.

Creativity, listening, my wife, just yesterday afternoon, was upset with me because I was not

listening attentively. And I realized she was completely right. Sicily Sauders, who founded

the International Hospice Movement. She was from London. She started saying Christopher,

which was the world's first hospice. She was the first recipient of the John Templeton prize.

And we were close friends. So I invited her over to MIT because we were doing a conference on empathy,

altruism, and agape. She came over and she gave the dinner speech. And she said, I'm 81 years old.

And I still get up early in the morning. I go into St. Christopher's and I change bedpans.

Which is a kind of a grungy job. But she says, I was a nurse before I was a doctor.

And I considered an honor to change the bedpans of these people who were passing away.

It was beautiful. And then she said, after that, I sit on the end of the bed. And I ask them

what they feel most happy about with their life. I don't want them to focus on, oh, I could have

done this. I could have done that. Second, guessing themselves. But I ask them to focus on

the things they've done in life that are most meaningful. And she just sits there and she said,

listening is an act of love, which I think most of us would agree with. She was a great woman.

She died a couple of years later. But I really like Dame Sicily. Maybe one other part of the

wheel of love, creativity. I come in here and I know that there are some people who are struggling

with their research projects, with their writing. They're not getting where they want to be.

And my job is just to sit down, listen to them, and then to give them some helpful ideas.

Final one, I'll touch this is carefrontation. I love this one. I love that one.

Now, I didn't come up with this, John. I have to be honest. I was a case Western for 20 years in

the medical school. And there was a guy who went there long before I arrived. And his name was

M. Scott Peck, who wrote a very best-selling book called The Road Less Traveled. It was a huge hit.

And in it, he talks about carefrontation. He knew I was a case Western at the time. And he started

writing me about carefrontation because he said, your ideas around love, they're too soft.

I'm a psychiatrist and I have to be able to straighten people out. I have to keep them on their

callings. We both use that language. I have to be able to help them when they get off course

to resetter inwardly on the things that are most important to them. And he said, that is not

confrontation. That is carefrontation. And it's a nice term. So I do carefrontation, at least every

couple of days, because I have some leadership roles. And I don't want to just do confrontation,

because that's where you emphasize the negative. It's not appreciative inquiry,

which is a big deal in the business world right now. But carefrontation, how can you help people

to re-align themselves with their core callings and not get off track in a permanent way?

You walk those people on your board of trustees. I run the Institute, which Sir John funded

in 2000, the Institute for Research on Pure Unlimited Love. And that has been the love of my life.

But Sir John, fortunately, was supportive. We shared this set of values. And he really

kept me on the straight and narrow. I saw him at a golf club outside of Dulles Airport once

upon a time, in about 19, in about actually, was about 1901. And he would just

ask me, how are you doing? Are you sticking with it? And we're not just talking about the love

of humans, because he was a mystic. They called him a Tennessee mystic. We're not just talking about

the love of humans, but we're talking about the love of whatever it is that made humans.

So he wanted me to be thinking very broadly. He appreciated human love, but he especially

appreciated it when it's somehow invaded or informed by this higher spiritual quality.

So as you were talking, I was thinking about the University of California, Berkeley professor

Dacker Keltner. And a couple of things you brought up reminded me of him. One is his focus on

the science of compassion. But the other thing is, as you've been talking, it keeps

bringing top of mind his whole concept of moral beauty and how he ties moral beauty to when we

experience awe most profoundly. And you argue that kind giving, which is really a form of moral

beauty, reliably produces an inner glow, which reduces the stress, gives us a better mood,

and more meaning in our lives. What does giving this, what does giving to others due to us that

changes our state so quickly? Happy to respond to that. First thing, though, I was supposed to be

out at Berkeley with Keltner's group and that new grant they have from the Templeton Foundation

to look at how media report on love, I'm actually a senior advisor for that project.

However, it happens to be the case that two weeks ago when I was supposed to get on the plane,

I fell ill so I couldn't make it out. But I'm sure I would have enjoyed it very much. And I think

his work on awe is powerful. It goes back, believe it or not, it goes back 25 years.

And I remember the first grant that he submitted to the John Templeton Foundation.

Chuck Harper was the president at the time. And Chuck had never seen anybody wanting to study

the psychology of awe and beauty. He just hadn't occurred to him, brilliant guy.

And so he asked me to review it. And I was happy to do so. And I gave it a rave review.

And happily, because when you think about it, awe and beauty are so important. And that's why

in the book, there's a sixth chapter. May you cherish the gift of nature.

Not that it's all naturalistic. You can find beauty in art, you can find beauty in

chapels wherever you want. But there is something very important about beauty. And it does transform

the self. And giving, if you go back to the British moral philosophers, the moral sense

theorists, don't anybody write this name down, but the Earl of Shaftesbury, he believed that

ultimately ethics comes down to beauty. But there is an inherent beauty and awe and wonder

in a moral action. And so I think that the governor is on to something there and I've always

agreed with that. But for me, I started writing on this in 1995 in scientific journals.

And there's no question that kind giving makes a big difference in your own sense of well-being.

When I first came to Stony Brook from Cleveland, oh my goodness, it was 2008. And there was a call

from United Health Care. And they wanted to know if we could just in a very simple way,

look at the benefits of being a kind giver. And it turns out we looked at people who,

now this is the beginning of 2010. So we looked at people who in 2009 had volunteered.

Now, how much did they volunteer on average in America? It wasn't too much. It was about 100 hours

a year. And then the interesting thing is how many Americans were volunteering, about 41%.

And then we asked simple, positive psychological questions because I was spending a lot of time

with Marty Seligman and helping get the positive psychology movement started. And that was an

honor. So I was meeting all these wonderful people like Bob Emmons and Keltner and just so many

individuals of great merit and Jonathan Hate, people who were really way over my head in a lot of

ways. So we were asking them questions. So when you were doing your roughly two hours of giving a

week, you can break it down to two hours a week if you want. What were you experiencing?

And it turns out I just have this in the book and I might as well just be accurate.

73% said volunteering lowered my stress levels. So that's about serenity and tranquility.

You're not being forced to volunteer or forced to be a giver because that's actually counterproductive.

And there's some very good studies to point that out. But if you're drawn to this, if you have the

right mentoring, it will lower your stress levels. 89% said volunteering improved my sense of well-being.

92% gave me an enriched sense of purpose in life.

Now 68% said volunteering, quote, made me feel physically healthier.

A little more robust. 77% said it improves my emotional health. 78% all end up here, recovery from

loss and disappointment. 96% the participants said they felt happier. Now here you go, John.

Talk about culture. So we did a study of widows and widowers who had been,

importantly, relatively happily married for some long period of time.

They weren't at each other's throats. They had pretty good relationships and now one of them

had passed away. And typically these individuals went through a period of grief and bereavement.

Yes, you would not believe it. You would not understand that. So we did a study and we asked them

while you were going through grief and bereavement. Were you volunteering to help people

formally or informally in the neighborhood through maybe the hospital or whatever it could be?

Turns out that the ones who were helpers were recovering more robustly

and more quickly than the non-helpers. If you look at the high quartile and the low quartile

of helping because that's typically how these things get done.

And so I got a phone call, a hell of a phone call from someone in New York, from the New York

Society of widows and widowers. There is such a thing. There's probably that in L.A. too and in

California, in Texas. They wanted me to come in and give a talk on this project for their

constituency. So I went to some hotel on Fifth Avenue and Midtown. This has got to be 15 years ago.

And I gave this talk and I said it's not reciprocal benefits that we're talking about here.

It doesn't mean that you're going to get a paid back moment. It just means that by involving yourself

in this kind of other regarding use of the word altruism, this kind of kind of love

that you'll feel a lot better. You'll feel healthier and happier and whatever.

And this guy in the back of the room, he just stood up. He just stood up. He was dist, if I can use

that word. He was dist. And he said, I don't care what you say, buddy. I don't do nothing for nothing.

And okay, because some people have a purely transactional view of life or they force themselves

to have that view of life. And my response was, well, okay, but are you happy? Have you ever been

happy? And he said, not really. And then we could talk more deeply from there. But that was basically

the point that I took home from that meeting as I took the train out to Long Island. There are

some people who just won't do nothing for nothing. He wrote, you asked him, does life for you boil

down to entirely the art of the deal? And I think he had that self-awareness that he did approach

every interaction as a transaction. And because of that, he never felt happy in life.

Yeah. And I think that's a problem for a lot of people. They get these jobs where they fit in.

They've been trained to fit in and make the numbers match. And I have a son I love. And he's got

a good job in finance. But what's he really doing? Well, I'm doing finance. That's okay. That's fine.

And he's good at it. He has an MBA and all of these things. But in the end, it's a strictly transactional

consciousness. And that's not going to get you to the moon and back.

Steven, in the book, you outline three spheres, near and dear, the neediest and humanity at large,

on where we should choose to give. And I think are at least for me, it seems that

our natural inclination would be to go near and dear. But that's not always the case.

But how do you prioritize without guilt? And how do you still stretch

to help people outside that inner circle where I think most of us tend to focus?

So I don't have an absolutely clear, cut, precise answer to that question.

I do honestly believe, and it's reflected in my own life, that we need to prioritize the

near and dear. Because whether you're reading Thomas Aquinas or Aristotle, these are the people

that have been placed in our pathway by our biological nature. And so I say that it was my

mother who called me from New York. It wasn't somebody else. It was my mom. And she had a profoundly

intuitive sense of what was going on. So that's valuable. I'm not someone who's an arch utilitarian

because I think that special relationships like parents and children and siblings

hopefully do matter in our lives. But what I'm against is this kind of myopic

insularity where people just so focus on the nearest and the dearest that honestly they don't

give a hoot about the neediest or about humanity as a whole. And that's where even parental love

can go astray because some parents really teach by bad example their kids to love only those

who are most like them, whether that's color or ethnicity or religion or whatever. I don't believe

in that. I think that we need to lean outwards. I use that expression. I think lean outwards. I

actually wrote once a whole book about this called Spheres of Love. We need to lean outwards toward

the neediest, regardless of their connection to us in friendship or family.

And we also need to do certain kinds of things for a shared humanity. So I like to do little things

for compassion international where you just send a few bucks a month to this organization

and they make sure that those dollars are used very wisely for people who are truly needy

generally someplace in Africa. And what they encourage though to personalize it, they encourage you

to write a little note telling you, telling these people that you appreciate them and look forward

to hearing from them. And then you'll wonderfully get a little card back from at some point.

But balancing is there's no precise algorithm. There's no precise formula to that balance.

And Paul Farmer, who's passed away now, the great physician has spent a lot of time in Haiti

in South America. He went into his marriage and he determined with his wife that they would only

have one child. And this was his preference and she was fine with that. So they had the one son,

he later had some other children with her and that son would go down to the Caribbean with him

and work on these projects. And he was trying to teach that son to have a love for all people

regardless of their background, their level of poverty, their destitution and so forth.

And in the end of his life, he spent more time in Boston and he spent more time with his kids.

So there was a kind of a fluidity in all of that and it was a beautiful thing.

So there's no one shoe fits all. But I think we need to just be reflective about it and not allow our

families to become so insular that they blind us to the needs of humanity and of the neediest.

I hope that answers him. It reminds me of a section of the book where you

describe healing with kindness and you said that this may be the hardest path because not everyone sees

themselves as a healer but you believe healing is everyone's calling. And where I want to take that

is I mentioned to you before we even got on that I have a book coming out but the book I was

mentioning isn't the book that I have coming out first. I have my first children's book coming out

in February and it's titled You Matter Luma and the reason I wrote it is that I feel

that we are not raising kind children and that this is a cyclical thing that's going on that if

parents aren't modeling behaviors, the kids aren't going to learn it. And so what I'm trying to do with

this book is to show how a ripple of kindness radiates throughout the forest and kind of awakens

kindness and the other forest creatures through the story of this little bunny. But at the end of

the book I invite the child and the parent to go to an app that we're building called to ask the

ripple because what I'm trying to show them is that even a small act of kindness can ripple in

ways that you never could possibly imagine. And I think we get too caught up in trying to think that

a small act done on what done to one person isn't going to radiate yet. I think that's where it all

starts. I don't think any big movement was launched by doing something at mass. I think it all

starts with something small that then grows. A long way of me to asking you this question, what are

some practical ways that you think parents can model kindness in today's culture where it will

help their children be awakened by it and practice it as they get older? So I totally agree that's

not the amount of giving but it's the amount of kindness within the giving that makes all the

difference. And that's something that even Mother Teresa cited, she felt that way. It's not how much

but it's the quality of the kindness. It could be a very small action but if it's kindly

operationalized and that kindness is palpable that makes all the difference in the world.

So for me, kind giving as a parent is the be-all on end all. Why bring children into the world

if you don't want to raise kind children? So a whole chapter of this book is,

may you raise kind children? I'm grateful every day that I think why two kids are reasonably kind.

They're not perfect and their parents weren't perfect and they let us know that. But they're

reasonably kind people and that makes such a huge difference. Now how to? So we spend actually

four million dollars funding research on the how-to question of raising kind children.

It's hugely important because if you can raise kind children, all the healthcare literature

points out that they're going to be healthier mentally and physically in midlife and they're

even going to live somewhat longer lives. So I think that the first book I wrote with Jill Nymark,

it's good to be good and then it goes on how you can live a healthier, longer, happier life

through the simple act of giving. And that is just absolutely the case. What can a parent do? Well

number one, every kid comes into this world with an inherent natural empathic capacity.

There's no question about it. That's what Paul Bloom has proven time and time again with his

very impressive studies at the Yale Child Studies Center in New Haven. So even that one-year-old

child or 18-month-old toddler is able to feel empathically into the emotional experience of other

children in that age range. And I won't go into how that was proven. But it's a real contrast to

what was going on in the 20th century because the 20th century was a mess. Basically said that

a child was a swashbuckling source of seething, boiling, anger, and hatred. And by the way,

non-human primatology argued this too. So when I was a boy growing up in high school,

we read Robert Ardry's The Territorial Imperative and basically he gave up on the human child

as he did on all non-human primates. But then Jane Goodall, thank heavens,

who I had the opportunity to speak with three weeks ago, four weeks ago at the Templeton Prize

Award at Lincoln Center. I've known her for quite a while. And now of course she passed away,

she passed away the next day. She gave the introduction. And what she did was she completely turned

around our false assumptions about the nature of the child and about non-human primates.

And so suddenly she and also people like there are others writing books like the ape within

that there's a natural empathic quality and compassion. Now it's there. Rousseau is correct,

but don't push the wrong button's parents. If you can be scream-free,

that will help a lot. Don't scream at your kids. And this is proven. Have a little statement of

values that you as a family agree to and that everybody has signed onto. Kindness,

forgiveness, creativity, and when there's a meltdown with a child, instead of screaming bloody murder,

don't do that. Just convene around that statement. It could be tacked onto the refrigerator.

It could be up above a fireplace. It could be rockwell's golden rule. It could be a lot of things.

But use that as a cultural center. Because honestly, the culture is so negative. It's pulling people

away from kindness. Just read the papers. And so we need to re-center ourselves and also our families

on kindness. And that will make the difference. Thank you so much for sharing that. The last path,

Stephen, that I wanted to go into, is may you honor the spirit of freedom.

And this final path explores how love and freedom intertwine. And you write that love that is free

is love that endures. It liberates rather than binds and powers rather than controls.

This chapter, to me, offers a vision for cultural renewal. A society animated by autonomy,

compassion, and mutual respect. Is that what you were trying to do with the chapter and what message

beyond that do you want listeners to take away? Well, freedom means a lot to me, but more in terms of

honoring the spirit of freedom, which means the positive version of the golden rule, which

means much more to me than the negative version. Do not do one to others. What you would not have

been doing to you. Well, I can get home tonight, and if I haven't kicked anybody in the shin,

I can probably feel okay about myself, hopefully not. But if I've used my moral imagination,

and I've asked myself, how can I contribute meaningfully and positively to the lives around me,

then I've fulfilled the golden rule. Now, in the Hindu tradition, I'm an episcopalian, but I've

always loved Hinduism. Hinduism says that there are three qualities of the eternal, infinite mind.

One is love. Two is creativity, and three is freedom. So you and I, John, and all your listeners,

we are made to practice love, freedom, and creativity. Not because we're rough, rude animals

doing our way through some chain. No, that's not the way they look at it. They look at it as a

divine gift. And actually, Sir John Templeton, and I had many conversations about that,

and he believed that freedom was a gift. Not something that we just have evolutionarily speaking,

because a lot of people, honestly, will give up their freedom for a bite of food, for a security.

That's what the brothers Dostoevsky, the brothers Karamazov is all about, that people will give up their

freedom for a better play to food. But actually, freedom is much deeper than that. The true disciples of

freedom pursue freedom despite insecurity, despite hardship. And so I'm a believer in freedom,

and such a believer that we have a truly divine responsibility to spread freedom, but not

irresponsible freedoms, I'm pulling my ear. But we have to spread freedom coupled with the golden

rule in its positive sense. And that's why every spiritual tradition, East and West, brings in that

positive version of the golden rule. And I list a lot of those in that chapter. So I'm a huge

believer in freedom, but the right kind of freedom. And I think that, in the essence of the book,

may you give and glow, may you heal with kindness, may you follow your callings,

may you raise kind children, may you know the one mind,

may you cherish the gift of nature, may you honor the spirit of freedom. In a lot of ways,

that last one brings it all together. Yeah, I agree. Stephen, I wanted to end on this question.

Our mutual friend, Dr. Lisa Miller called Pure Unlimited Love, a treasure chest, an ancient map

to love that's been buried within you all along. My question following up on that is, what's one key

you'd leave with listeners to help them open that chest?

Always expand the canvas, even if there is a very harsh, difficult moment in your life.

It's never the final word. It's like a Jackson Pollock painting. He could throw that gob of paint

down on that canvas on the floor and that barn. And it just looked terrible. But by the time he covered

it over with these beautiful, energetic lines of love, it was something beautiful. So you have to

expand the canvas. When I came here to Stony Brook from Cleveland, there was a cover reporter

who'd found out about the Institute for Research on Pure Unlimited Love and had been in a lot of

newspapers and she had actually interviewed the dean of this medical school and the chair of my

department because they hired me to teach compassionate care in a very realistic and successful

fashion with medical students and faculty from all kinds of different backgrounds.

And the interview she asked them, so what's this unlimited love guy coming to Stony Brook?

And they had great responses. It's one of the reasons I love the place. They said, well, we don't

really care about that, but it's okay. They didn't hit the ceiling about it. Didn't drive them nuts.

And I've been here 16 years and people have been very supportive. So that's the point. You have

to expand the canvas. And that night I came into Stony Brook from Cleveland. It was raining cats

and dogs. My son and my wife were mad at me because they would realize we've really left Ohio.

It was tough. And the three-village herald, a little local paper, had only one headline on the front

page. John, are you ready for this? What is that? Unlimited love comes to Stony Brook. And

practically freaked out. So the next day I had to walk up the escalators in the middle of the

medical school. And there was a guy who was staring intently at me and I didn't know who he was.

And I looked up and I said, sir, do I know you? And he said, are you Dr. Post? This guy is an almost

Nobel Prize laureate in biochemistry. Are you Dr. Post? And I said, yes, I am. And he asked me

the first question that I responded to here on this campus. Are you going to save us?

And I just shook, I said, sir, I don't think I'm saving anybody but I'm glad to be here.

And it worked very well. And then a little later on I called the then president of this

university, Shirley Kenny, who had recruited me. And I said, Shirley, did you see that article

in the three village herald? And she said, yeah, I did. I said, did you get any phone calls?

She said, yeah, I got calls from emeritus professors. And I asked her, so what did they ask you?

And she said, well, they were mostly male emeritus professors. And they asked me, what kind of

love are we talking about? And we laughed. We laughed our way through that and everything was fine.

With birth, with love, with compassion, with all these elements, creativity,

on the wheel of love, you can overcome those difficulties and don't ever forget that.

Stephen, as I read the book, what it showed me is that love is not merely an emotion, but it's a

field of energy and consciousness accessible to everyone. And that bridges the personal and divine

science and spirituality, self and society. So I think what his holiness said in the forward

that it is my hope that this book will contribute to the flourishing of humanity is exactly what it

does for a listener who wants to get the book, but more importantly, look at your 40 years of work.

Where's the best place for them to go? Well, this is it, actually. This is a culminating book.

There may be something to follow it, but I'm not certain. Just go to your local bookseller or

go to something online and order a copy of pure unlimited love. And Stephen G. Post, Stephen with

a pH, that's the Irish spelling. So I'm, I think it could be a helpful book. That's why I wrote it.

And I think it's a sincere book. I think it has a lot of authenticity. And it's a nice mixture

of good science, but also fun vignettes and little anecdotes. And also because I'm a U

Chicago guy, great books all the way. So you're going to find some philosophical reflections.

And even some spiritual reflections here and there, because I used to study with

not just people chick sent me high when he was writing the book flow, but with Mersha Eliati

when he was writing his book on shamanism. So I have a very mixed background,

and I tried to bring everything to bear on the question of pure unlimited love

to honor every human being, and especially to honor Sir John Templeton.

Well, Stephen, it was such an honor to have you here today. Thank you for joining us on Passion

Struck. Hey, you're a passionary too. So let's just keep it up. Thanks, John, for the pleasure.

That's a wrap on today's conversation with Dr. Stephen Post.

What stood out to me the most is how practical this really is. Dr. Post shows us that

meaning isn't something we think our way into. It's a biological state our bodies respond to

when we move beyond self-protection and into contribution. When care is chosen freely,

not out of guilt or obligation, people don't burn out. They stabilize. Energy returns. Life

starts to feel workable again, but that understanding brings up an honest next question.

How do you live this when your life is already full? How do you navigate this when you've already

built the success, the identity, and the momentum, but the internal architecture still feels off?

That's exactly what we explore next in my upcoming episode where I'll be joined by Mark Nippo.

Our conversation is about the difference between doing well in life and living truthfully.

Mark deconstructs the mechanics of presence and what it means to stay engaged with the world

without the cost of self-erasure. We talk about the physics of acceptance, the power of attention,

and quiet contribution, why the most significant work often looks much smaller than we expect.

And if you're lonely, you say, hello, get out of the house. Doesn't mean that every interaction

will be some may be awkward, some may not work out, some may be irritate, but you're engaged in life.

And so even as simply as instead of reading at home alone, reading a cafe,

even if you never say hello to another person, you're around other life.

You're exchanging presence and energy. So expand our sense of solitude to let others in,

so that the line between self and other blurs.

If Steven's episode today helped us understand why meaning matters biologically,

Marks will help us explore the discipline of living it. Before you move on to your next

task today, I'd encourage you to pause. Notice the data your body is giving you,

where energy is being restored and where it's being drained. That awareness is the structural

foundation where change actually starts. If you want to start applying these ideas, join me inside

the knitedlife.net and don't forget to pick up a copy of you matter, Luma,

a reminder for the next generation that significance is your birthright. I'm John Miles,

you've been passion struck. And as we move through the meaning makers remember,

significance doesn't come from doing more. It comes from doing what aligns consistently and with

care. Until next time, live life passion struck.