Dwayne Fields, explorer

0:00Hello, I'm Lauren the Vern and this is the Desert Island Disks podcast from BBC Radio 4. Every week I ask my guests to choose the 8 tracks, book and luxury that they'd want to take with them if they were cast away to a desert island. For right reasons the music's shorter than on the original broadcast but you can find a version with longer music tracks on BBC sounds. Listeners will also get access to episodes 28 days earlier than everyone else. I hope you enjoy listening. My cast away this week is the Explorer and the UK's Chief Scout Duane Fields. His expeditions have taken him from the deserts of Oman to the rainforests of Gubon via the Arctic. He's the first black Britain to reach the magnetic North Pole, has made TV programs

1:03charting his adventures all over the world and co-created the We2 Foundation to take young people from challenging backgrounds like his on life-changing adventures. He was born in Jamaica where he spent his early years happily exploring the countryside under his grannies care. But when he was six he found himself uprooted and unhappily replanted in Hackney, wondering where the trees had gone. He found refuge at his local Cubs Scout troop. As a teenager growing up on an off-london estate he was exposed to gang violence. By his mid-20s he'd been robbed, stabbed and shot at. The natural world became his escape route and in 2010 he signed up for an Arctic adventure. It was a decision that changed his life. He says, I want to demonstrate that there are no limits to what you can achieve. That doesn't mean that climbing Everest or crossing Antarctica on foot are the be-all and end all. It's not about planting flags, but about planting seeds. Do you feel welcome to Desert Island discs? Thank you. What a speak-up! Now to try and

2:07live up to all the things that you've just said about me. Well, it's literally just a list of things that you've done, so I'm excited to get into it too. Let's start with that idea of not planting flags, but planting seeds. Tell me more about that. Generally speaking we see adventurers this place where you challenge yourself to get to a point on a map or in some cases a place on a map that hasn't been drawn yet. I actually think adventure should be about inspiring people. So you talk about a place you've been to or a place you'd like to go to in the hopes that you plant that seed of inquisitiveness, that seed of determination in young people in particular, but anyone who hears your story and gives them that idea, the notion that they can actually go on and do something, so it starts to grow. It's a spark of an idea that you've given them as opposed to planting a flag. They see you do it. Plighting a seed means they think they can do it. So, you know, on these expeditions, as we've heard all over the globe, what is it like going back to everyday ordinary life? Well, it's a mind switch, isn't it? When you're out there, you are in

3:08what feels like sometimes, and I don't like it to feel like that, what can feel like survival mode, you're worried about what the conditions external are like, you're worried about, is your kit, the right kit? Have you got the right foods? Are you moving in the right direction? How's the team doing? How are your energy levels? Is the terrain what you expected? If it's not what you expected, is it because you're going in the wrong direction, or is the information you had beforehand? Correct. So, lots of things going on and you're in hyper alert all the time. When you come back to day-to-day life, the worries are still there, but they're very different. It's, right, are the kids going to be in school on time? Have they all woken up? Have they all brushed their teeth? What's for dinner tonight? You've got five kids who have five little kids. The admin must be extensive. You can imagine it's non-stop, and they're all different ages, so their needs are all very different as well. But equally, when I come back to regular life, I'm just dead. I'm the taxi driver. I am the walking wallet. I am the one that ties shoelaces,

4:12so it's completely different worlds, but both as demanding as the other. And is that good for you, do you think? Is it like a check on your ego or something? I don't know. I'm thinking, you know, when you've just stood off your shoulders and said, okay, you know, I'm the first black Briton to reach a magnetic North Pole, and then you come home and it's like, Dad, stop doing that. Don't touch it. Absolutely. There is, so kids are great because they don't let your ego grow. But equally, I, just touching on the North Pole thing, I never thought of the North Pole and thought to myself, oh, I'm the first black Brit. It almost makes me cringe a little bit, and anytime I try and tell my kids about something that I've done, it never impresses them. So I have no chance of, there's no risk of me growing an ego, especially within the household. Well, Dwayne, you've been working very hard to map out your discs, and I've only got eight to here, so I think we should get started. Tell us about your first. My very first song is One that takes me back to a place in my life where I was a little kid in Jamaica, and Bob Marley's

5:15and the wayler's three little birds is the song that brings me back to that place. The word in reminds me so much of my great-grandmother, and she was probably the most special person in my life. And what reminds me most of her in that song is, you know, baby, don't worry, everything's going to be all right. I remember going back to my great-grandmother crying from time to time because I'd fallen and scraped myself, be bitten by some animal I was trying to catch or, you know, just injured myself somehow. She would dust me off and say, I'd be fine, she'd dust me off and send me back out there. And I think as a young person, the best thing you can have in life is a safety net, a person who makes you feel safe, feel loved, feel supported, but they won't keep you from the risks in life that expose you to risks in a safe way.

6:30Bob Marley and the wayler's and three little birds. Doing fields you were born in Linsted in Jamaica in 1982. It's a rural part of the island. And as we've heard, your great-grandmother Loreta, who you called Granny, brought you up. How did you come to be in her care? The way it happened is, and I've been told this by my mum, she had a really difficult time when she found out she was pregnant with me. And my great-grandmother being the person who she was, she stepped in and said, hey, listen, have this child. When the child is born, I'll take care of the child. And from that moment on, I was in my great-grandmother's care. And tell me about it, what kind of person was she? My great-grandmother was a beautiful, beautiful person. I remember running up to her and I have this image in my head, I'd run up and I'd hug her and I'd see Granny and I'd answer a silly question. And she wasn't an educated woman. So when I'd say, you know, Granny, what's a star? She'd say, in a really strong Jamaican accent, I'm not going to try and do it now

7:33because I'd sound silly. She'd say, I don't know, you'll have to go and find out and tell me. And I think that was really empowering to me to go out there and seek out answers so I could come back and deliver them to my great-grandmother, my granny. So you wanted to kind of explore the world together with her. Was she strict? Was she able to do them thinking, you know, was she tough, tough and loving, like what kind of parenting style? My great-grandmother was the softest human being in existence. Now, that said, she didn't spare the rod. She was a church-going woman. She didn't spare the rod when she needed to, but she was just so loving. She would give me a spanking and then hug me afterwards and say, listen, I did tell you not to leave the house at that time, or I told you not to do this and you did it. Come here, don't let me have to do it again, and we'd hug and make up. And I remember the kind of person she was. Every morning she would take her small bench when we lived down the lane off the main road and she'd put it just outside the gate

8:34on the opposite side of the lane and as people walked past it could be the farmer, it could be the person who lived amongst the bushes at the end of the lane and she would speak to every single one of them in the exact same way. She wouldn't treat you differently because of what you had or what you didn't have. And I think my ethos on life now is treat everyone fairly and I think I get that from my great-grandmother. Well, thank goodness for your granny Louretta. So your mother, meanwhile, had come to London, but your father lived locally to you. Were you in contact with either of them? My dad lived just up the road from me and every day he would ride his motorbike down the road to get to work and ride it back. And for a very long time, I would run out to the front when I heard the motorbike coming. He would have known who you were. He knew exactly who I was. He knew that I was his son. He knew where to find me every single day he passed our house. As soon as I heard the motorbike coming, I would run out to the front thinking, gosh, my dad rides a motorbike. I hope today he'll wave at me or I hope today he'll wink at me or just give me a gesture to acknowledge me to let me know

9:39that he knows I'm alive. And no, he never did. And I think my great-grandmother watched me go out to the front gate every single day and watch this man ride past every single day. Sometimes he'd ride past with both hands on the handlebars. Other days he'd ride past. He's got his prize fighting cock in his hand because cock fighting was a thing back then. And he would never acknowledge me. And on this particular day, he followed me out and she grabbed me and she had tears in her eyes when she was shaking. He's saying, stop coming out here. Can't you see the man doesn't like you and can't you see he's not paying attention? And I remember in that moment, all the pride that I naively had for my dad because here's a popular man who rides a bike. And he looks good and he's cool and he's my dad. That was the day all the shine disappeared from my dad for me. And it disappeared because he made my grandma cry as far as I could tell. And so I stopped going out to the front. So in short, no, I didn't have any contact with my dad. And I had no contact with my mom.

10:42In fact, up until the time I came to the UK, I only remember seeing my mom maybe three times. I think conversations with my great grandma, my great aunt would be, oh, your mother's coming up, go and put on some, you know, nice clothes. I think also that I brought a little bit of shame because I was quite a feral kid. I was completely happy. Like most kids should be running around with no shoes on and torn shirts and, you know, dirty shorts. And I was, I was absolutely boggly or judge of the jungle. And that didn't seem to chime with what my mom expected of her kids. And we've never had a mother-son relationship. And in fact, I call her by her name. And I didn't recognize her as my mom until much later in life. I think we better go to the music, time for your second piece today. What's it going to be and why have you chosen it? This song is one that almost brings a tear to my eye. It's a song by Luther Vandross and it's

11:45called Dance With My Father. It reminds me of the love I had for my father, which is something I still struggle with. Deep inside somewhere, I feel like I love him. I feel like I shouldn't, but the truth is I feel like I do. It's quite close to home because I want, I want my kids to feel about me the way Luther Vandross talks about his father in this song. It's emotional for you, I can see. It is. That's here. Luther Vandross and Dance With My Father. So, Duane Fields, you've been very happy

12:48in Granular Hatter's Care, but I know that when you were six, life changed. What happened? When I was six, my grandma got a letter saying, right, it's time for him to come and live in the UK now. We're ready for him to come and live in the UK. I left everything that I'd known, all the things that I loved and felt confident doing and a place where I felt like I belonged. I came to the UK to live with my mum. Again, this is somebody who I hardly knew and I am now living in this new world with this person. What did you make of it? I mean, what do you remember about arriving in North London from rural Jamaica? It must have been such a culture shock, physical shock, everything. I remember we arrived at a house and initially I think it was in archway and because I hadn't seen any trees or many trees, no hills, no fields, no forests, no woodlands, I thought, right, that must all be out back and I remember running through this masonate down four or five steps and I opened up the curtains that that was to the window of the back door

13:52and I remember seeing a brick wall and thinking, oh my god, this is a completely different world. It just felt like my entire world had collapsed and everything that I'd known, everything that I'd become accustomed to, everything that I felt like I was the master of had been taken away and I was in this completely foreign place. Toine, I think it's fair to say that your relationship with your mother didn't improve. Tell me about your experience in this new world that you were living in. Did you make friends easily? Again, the things that I knew in Jamaica and experiences I had in Jamaica, many of them weren't transferable. I'd never watched TV. We didn't have a TV, we had a small radio and that was it. When you meet kids at the age of seven or they're about what they love to talk about are their favorite TV characters, their favorite cartoon characters, their favorite shows, their favorite action figures, their favorite toys. I had none of those things. I struggled to make friends and in fact for a long time the only friend I had was the the child that the

14:57teacher put me next to on that very first day and I remember trying to make friends or recognizing the need to make friends and I went into the school gardens one day and I thought my passion is the natural world. I love wildlife. I love animals. I'm going to teach them about insects and I remember picking up a handful of wood lice and some centipedes and some other creatures creepy crawlies and worms and other things. Anything I could find and I ran over to a group of kids in the class who I really wanted to be friends with and I opened my hands and I was going to tell them about the female wood lice who keeps her young and her stomach and every single one of them ran away screaming and pointing at me saying you're nasty and I remember standing in the middle of that playground and this was probably one of my lowest points at that age and everyone ran away and they were just calling me nasty and dirty and err look at your hands and err you like bugs and in that moment I decided maybe doing maybe don't be you if they're doing

15:59something just fitting with what they're doing and actually that pattern of behavior I carried on for quite a long time. Well I want to hear more about that doing but I also want to make room for the music it's time for your third piece tell us what we're going to hear next. In 1998 my great grandmother passed and a while later I heard this song from DMX and it's about his grandmother someone who meant a lot to him and it sounds like she meant exactly to him what my great grandmother meant to me and it's a song called I miss you and it's with DMX and Faith Evans. How did you cope with the grief when when your granny died I mean it must have been so difficult for you and obviously you were in an unhappy home you know in a happy situation here. I remember I didn't cry because my great grandma and I we spoke about death just like which speaking about Tuesday you know it was just the thing that she was happy for us to talk about

16:59and loss was something she was happy for us to talk about so in many ways I feel like she was preparing me I've never cried about it I've always felt sad about it but I do try and focus on what she did for me and with me and how she has prepared me it's a sad song nonetheless and I miss her daily but it ain't it's like when you left you took the Lord with you why could not come when he came to get you damn I really wish I had to say it again I remember the time when I was like ten crept up in the neighbor's yard yeah being hard headed you told me I would get it you said it boy did I get it up but after you spanked me you hugged me kiss me on my forehead I miss you DMX and Faith Evans so when we were talking before about you starting to learn to fit in and you enjoyed school in Jamaica I think how did you get on when you came here because I know that you know you're dyslexic now did anybody spot that then I love school as a kid when you're a child in Jamaica in school it's lots of repetition it's not so much a focus on you working alone when I came to school here in in the UK I remember sitting in English and this is something that I've learned that lots of people feel

18:22and maybe suffer from when it was time to read I would count how many people would be coming before me so I'd know what sentence I would have to read and I would recite the sentence in my head multiple times to the point where when it got to me I could just look at the teacher and say the words and I recognize now that it was because of fear and it was fear that was it is a very clever coping strategy I mean it really was a coping strategy to compound that I had an incident when I was really young and it was again when I first came to UK my mum saw me reading and there was a concept in the book it was it was a book about a superhero and if you imagine again I'm a child from rural Jamaica the word super was never part of my vocabulary I'd never heard the word before but the word supper I had I got to the word and I saw up a per supper it didn't quite make sense to me but I recognize it was a real good thing but I recognize it was making my mum angrier and angrier and eventually she grabbed the book and sent me upstairs and don't come back to her until you know the word and as a result of that I stopped reading in front of her I avoided I enjoyed reading we had some books in the house when I first came to when we first came here and I loved

19:42flicking through the books and I loved trying to figure out what was happening when I was looking at pictures of lions and tigers and animals and whether it was a water system whatever it was a science experiment I love trying to figure it out by reading and I stopped doing all of that when after that incident. I do know that the Cubs Scouts was a place where you felt comfortable though tell me about finding your way there. I love talking about Scouts because I remember the first day and for me it was something that presented itself at the time that I needed it most. So this is you and your best mate Stavros. Yes Stavros. Do you have my friends with? So Stavros is the boy who the teacher put me next to on day one and Stavros was late for Cubs one day his mum was busy and we were playing and she said oh my god Dwayne I'll take you home once I've dropped Stavros often we jump in the car and Stavros gets dropped off and he runs inside and still playing I chase him and I remember chasing him to the door and this man stood at the door and he says oh great a new starter and I freeze because I'm terrified I've never met a man who looks like him before he's tall I'm still quite new to the country

20:54and I freeze and I look at Stavros his mum and she looks at me and looks at him and she says no no no no no we just hate to drop off Stavros and he says nonsense let him come inside and stay and they'll build in bridges across the two benches those old P style benches that you had in the the the whole in school and I remember we were challenging ourselves to walk across planks of wood and they showed us how to tie things and I thought I knew I was doing so I'd tie some because again in Jamaica when I wanted a toy or a swing or whatever it was I'd make it myself so I felt at home and I felt like I had something to offer in this environment Well we'll find out whether it took you next Dwayne but first I want to hear some more music it's disc number four please what are we going to hear next? So this song takes me back to those really early days in school when I first came to this country and it's Kylie Minogue and it's the low commotion So where are you when when we hear this song where will it transport you to in your mind? My teacher Mr. Mitru is the greatest teacher in history Mr. Mitru made you feel confident within yourself

22:02and she would put this on and I remember her throwing her arms up and dancing and saying everyone right let's dance do your best movement do your best motion and this was the first time I'd experienced an interaction like that with a teacher again in Jamaica you sit on your bench or you sit on your desk and you recite or you're told what to do you're never part of any activities or any actions or any engagement on that kind of what feels like it's supposed to be fun and this was the first time for me learning was made fun So come on, come on, do the love of motion with me

23:02Kylie Minogue and the low commotion Duane Fields by the time you'd reached your teens you were living in Hackney where you were surrounded by gang violence you weren't in a gang yourself but when you were 19 you were stabbed by a group of boys for being in the wrong place at the wrong time it was a very serious attack you were lucky to recover from that and then a few years later you found yourself in an even more frightening situation and that was over a more ped of yours that had been stolen Yeah so I built this moped spent months in a cold wet shed with my younger brother we built this moped and it was stolen and we all know that when something stolen in a particular area we know where it's going to end up in all likelihood and sure enough I head down to this estate and there were these guys tearing this bike apart and I felt something I don't think I'd ever felt before I felt this overwhelming sense of anger and I felt that partly because of the bike but also felt that partly because they'd pushed my brother off or hit him off the bike when they stole it

24:07and I did what I think is probably the I made the worst decision when I said right I'm going to go down and get my bike back and I walk in the middle and I grab this bike and there's eight or nine boys tearing it apart and the second mistake I made on that night was once everyone had said take take the bike it's rubbish we didn't want to anyway I should have left but I didn't there was one guy one guy holding a plastic panel that had no useful function to the bike and I should have let it go but I felt like there was some injustice in leaving any part of what I'd worked so hard on there and I remember I snatched it out of his hand and as I turned to walk away he pushed me and the third thing that I did which was really silly I pushed him back and he walked away and he came back and he had a loaded gun and I pushed my brother to the side as this guy raised the gun up and I put my hands up and before I could say the words you don't have to I heard a click and he's pointing this gun directly at me at my torso

25:16and he cocked it back and I heard I saw a round come out the side and he pulled the trigger again and before he could do it he was wrestling with the gun before he could do it a third time some of the boys kind of grabbed him and said I don't worry it's not worth it and they moved on the gun misfire twice and I had so many people saying mate what you're going to do we we know where you can find him we know where he hangs out and I remember thinking I don't want to do anything to this guy I genuinely I'm just happy to be happy I didn't get short I'm not seeking retribution my conscience wouldn't allow me to do that kind of harm to someone even someone who had attempted it to me Dwayne it's all so much to go through for for such a young lad that you were then what helped you psychologically I know at this point you know this is this is when you kind of start to to get back outdoors and and find yourself again

26:16what helped me in that moment actually was I thought to myself right you are losing who you are in all of what's happened and happening to you when were you the true version when were you yourself when were you bold enough when did you have the courage to say to someone hey no I'm not going left I'm going right and actually the only time or the first time I recognized having that courage or developing those skills that courage was as a kid in Jamaica when I'd climb those trees or I'd courage when I would wait out in into upon that formed after heavy rain to look for what life lived underneath it I had courage when I was inquisitive and I was exploring the world around me in Jamaica and somewhere I lost that kid I lost all of those learnings those lessons and I thought right how do I bring that kid who actually that's the last time I really liked myself how do I bring that kid back to the floor and you know some time passed and I remember driving through

27:19Epping Forest myself and a couple of friends were going to a party out in Essex somewhere and oh yes and I remember driving through Epping Forest and I remember thinking hold on there were woodlands on both sides of the car I've never been here before what's going on and I remember stopping the car and getting out the car and walking for no more than about a minute into the woods and I couldn't hear any cars I couldn't hear any sounds and it took me back to a place that was so familiar to me it just reawoken something that had been quiet or silenced for so long and in that moment I decided that's who I need to go back to being well Dwayne I want to know what happens next as much as everybody else but I also want to hear disc number five so let's do that now what's it going to be? disc number five for me is a song that is a constant reminder that we should always lead with kindness

28:20and it's a song called Here I Come by Dennis Brown here I come with love and not day three sure they could listen first and shut for the life of the taste of my life yeah be no bother oh no we're still even no even bang Dennis Brown and here I come Dwayne Fields by 2005 you'd found a job as a cashier in a bank but despite your best efforts to keep going you ended up becoming homeless at the age of 22 what happened? the relationship that I had with my mum was becoming strained and actually it had become unbearable I think for both of us and I left her house and I became homeless in that moment

29:25and I'd walk all day or what I do in the afternoons is I would put my bag and my backpack behind the bins in the estate and I would sit around with the friends I had and pretend everything was normal so you didn't even tell them? I didn't I did not tell my friends that I was homeless there's some the most embarrassing thing one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me and it's not something I talk about a lot but it's something that happened we were sitting on one of my friends mini buses and someone said something smells and I knew it was me and I remember walking off the bus and as I stepped off the bus one of the one of the guys there walked past me and he took me into his house and he gave me a washcloth and some soap and I basically washed my armpits in his sink and that night I slept on a central line train and in the morning I think it was the driver that got on the train and said to me, are you okay? did you sleep then you know if that's what you're sleeping you're not okay

30:26and I said well you know and he said do you see this ring and he points to a ring and I didn't even look at it I just nodded yeah yeah he said it's a beautiful ring isn't it? and I said yeah one in to keep a green with him so he wouldn't get aggressive he wouldn't call the police or call security or whatever else I said yeah it's a nice ring he said well for it to be a beautiful ring it had to be burned and bent and batted into shape maybe that's what you're going through you should call someone and he let me off at the very first station and I remember walking till I found a phone box and I used the absolute last few pennies in my pocket I think it was about 30 pens or something to make a phone call and I found my cousin and I said I'm really embarrassed I'm sorry I need somewhere to stay and she just said are you an idiot why didn't you call me before and that was the beginning of my journey back to where I am now so you stayed with your cousin she helped me get back to work and get that straightened out and eventually I know that you got your own little place that you could live in

31:28but just a couple of years after that your friend Etem was shot and killed just yards from where you had a gun pointed at you what was the impact of his death on you? This was a lovely guy he played football for Dagnum and Red Bridge he had recently gotten a job at the leisure centre as a lifeguard he was somebody that had ambition and had the drive and some commitment and he was the kind of person who you wanted to be because you could tell he was he was going to be successful he was going to be alright but some random boys drove a car up to where he and another friend were and said are you from around here and they ran and this person fired a number of shots and hit him in the back what that did to me was it sparked that same desire to do something now

32:28because it was very close when it was me and my brother again someone I care deeply about and now it's a friend of mine it doesn't need to happen how can I impact that kind of behaviour? So what did you do? I didn't know what to do I raised some money for some charities and it felt good to raise money for these charities that were predominantly aimed at preventing street violence but still didn't feel like I was doing anything I saw Ben Vogel and James Cracknell speaking about the adventure of crossing the Atlantic in a row in Bolton So this is on breakfast TV one day? This is on breakfast TV I'm watching breakfast TV and I remember thinking gosh it's a great adventure and walking out the room and the next thing I heard was what's next and Ben Vogel and James Cracknell well we're planning to walk to the South Pole and we're looking for a third person to join the team and it sounded like they were saying hey Duane this is your opportunity and again I was so afraid my confidence was so low

33:30I didn't believe I would get that place but I sent the email off or I sent the message off maybe about a month or so later and I got a letter back or a message back saying unfortunately selections have started you can't go in this expedition now because it's too late would you consider going to the North Pole? I was like what? Great yes I don't care where it is as far as I'm concerned I was born in Jamaica North Pole South Pole they're both just icy and cold it gives me whichever one I go to will give me a platform that I can stand on and say hey guys if I can go and do this thing with the smallest amount of experience surely you can do something more than commit street violence or surely you can aim higher The beginnings of your life as an adventurer will find out more about that after this next disc what's number six Duane? Number six for me is a song by Louis Armstrong and Velma Middleton this song's important to me because again it marks

34:31another turning point in my life it's called You're the Apple of My Eye and it reminds me of my wife Angelique and our relationship You're the apple of my eye You're luscious and you're sweet You're the apple of my eye You're sweet enough to eat Now since we met I always get that certain feeling and for the more I love you for you so appealing You're the apple of my eye Your kisses are delish They're tastier than homemade apple pie I'll hang around your orchid till I win your heart because you're the only apple in my apple card I'm gonna shake your tree until you fall for me

35:33because you're the apple of my eye I look at her You know you're the apple of my eye too baby You're the apple of my eye Louis Armstrong and Velma Middleton for your other half Angelique So Duane I think you say yourself that the stereotype of a global explorer is not someone with a story like yours that we've heard so far So where did you look for role models when you were embarking on these adventures? I went on to Google and I searched North Pole and as you go down that rabbit hole you learn things That's where we're starting That's where we're starting It's day one and that's where we're starting That's where we're starting It's day one and that's where we're starting and I read that he and Robert had become the first people to make it to the magnetic North Pole and this was way back in 1909 and it went on to say that Matthew Henson was the first black person

36:33to reach the pole So this is the first time I'm seeing a face that looks like mine associated with the conditions or the environment I'm about to go into and I took a lot of energy from that I thought if he could do it then I could do it now So you had fire in your belly I did But then you found out that you had to raise 22,000 pounds to secure your place Did that come as a shock? It came as a huge shock because I didn't consider the cost of doing something like this So I went knocking on doors I went business to business in Dahlston for example, asking for money and telling people about this great thing that I wanted to do and lots of people said things like May, you're from Jamaica Walk around Jamaica You're going to lose bits and pieces Yeah, that's not for us Not for us as in me as a black person But I think also they were talking about me as in the community we were from whether it's black, brown, white, anything in between I think there was definitely a sense that

37:34that's middle class or upper class people That's people with you know spare money or spare time and resources And I remember thinking this planet should be open to anyone and everyone So when I came up against those people and they would never give you any money they tell you why it's a bad idea but they'd never give you any money I thought right Now I have to prove you wrong as well So I'm even more determined to make this happen And what about the training? I mean there's loads of physical training isn't that? I remember in preparation for the poll I would play football during the week I would play football at the weekends I would box and I would run and I would pull tires and actually the most embarrassing thing that I've ever experienced happened to me while I was pulling tires in hackney marshes and coming down towards the canal and there was a footpath underneath one of the bridges and as I went through the footpath I remember hearing some voices it was maybe nine or so boys and I tried to walk past pulling this tire

38:35or the two tires tied to a rope and I remember them laughing at me I'm roughly six foot tall I remember walking past them and shrinking down to a foot tall and they had the ability to influence my behaviour to the point where I didn't walk or train in hackney marshes anymore I would go to Clisode Park late at night when the park was closed and I would just do relays or shuttles on the grass in a closed park in a dead of night So then nobody saw you So then nobody saw me So after all of that in April 2010 you set off with two companions to walk 400 nautical miles to the Magnetic North Pole Can you put into words how you felt when you reached it? In short, the words I'm going to use are anti-climax I arrived at the point on the map and the point on our GPS that we'd been aiming for in essence for the past two

39:35plus years and what I realised in that moment when we'd arrived and we'd looked around and taken our picture I realised that that point on the map was never the goal wasn't about getting to that bit of snow it was about being bold enough to set yourself a goal that appeared unachievable or very difficult to achieve and then working hard being bold enough and being confident enough and believing in your teammates and believing in the training enough to go and realise it actually that's really powerful you need to share that message with your peers Dwayne, it's time for your next piece of music disc number seven please what are you taking to your island next? The next song I'm going to take to my island is a song by Katie Perry and the reason I want to take this song is it reminds me of my son in particular he has autism and I remember one day just sitting down I think we're in a car my anger me and he was in the back and I heard him sing in this song

40:36and I thought wow this song is about really believing yourself and being tough and here's my son who has been really quiet really reserved singing this really empowering song and it's a moment I'll never forget and all my kids sing it at some point as well this is Katie Perry Raw I got the eye of the time I get the fire dancing through the fire because I am the champion and you're going to hear me roar louder louder than the lion because I am the champion and you're going to hear me roar Katie Perry and Raw Duane Fields in 2019 you made a film for the BBC's country file program on the back of a DEFA report that addressed the issue of inclusivity in the UK's national parks

41:37where you know several years on from that now do you think that the countryside is an accessible space for everyone today? When you go out now I think you see a lot more people from far more diverse backgrounds spending time out there and I think it's important that it happens because the more people we get invested in the countryside to value it, to love it, to benefit and feel the benefits the more people or the bigger the cohort of people who will work to protect it I would love when I'm 60 or 70 or 80 years old I would love to be able to just go for a walk because we still have some of our beautiful natural spaces maintained as beautiful as they are now if not more self and I think we do that as a team as a collective We've talked a lot about your parents today and I wonder to make peace with your relationships with them I know that your father died in 2021 but that you did see him one last time

42:38In 2016 I was in Jamaica and I was out with my brother and a cousin and a few friends and I saw that distinctive silhouette of my dad this time not on a motorbike but on a bicycle when we stopped the car I remember I had some dark glasses on it was sunny but too I didn't want emotions to get the better of me and I didn't want him to see emotions getting the better of me and I remember him saying I know you must be, you know, upset with me but I've seen what you've been up to and he said he was proud of what he's seen and it built up this huge ball of emotions inside me and actually the moment he said that I was really glad I kept my glasses on and he started to fill up a little bit and he said I have nothing to offer you the most I can do is buy you a drink at the bar down the road I said do you know what? I'd already left some money at the bar because that's where my cousin myself

43:38and my friends were I said I've left money at the bar you can have a drink on me and I got back in the car and we drove away and I felt like that was complete closure What about your relationship with your mother that's where between you I think it's important to wish people the best and never wish anyone ill but I still feel a lot of hurt from my mum for a variety of reasons and I think she feels a lot of hurt as well and I think it's best that you appreciate people from a distance sometimes Duane, you have a family of your own now and you know they are keeping your hands very, very full I know that you met your wife Angelique while you were studying psychology at university I mean lots of people who've grown up in difficult circumstances and on happy homes they're scared about accidentally repeating the cycles or not being able to rise to the challenge of being a parent not having a role model how did you feel about it and obviously it's worked out but how did you get there?

44:38When I first found out I was going to be a dad I was terrified I honestly I looked at the experience I had and I thought right I don't have any experience really good father but I have experience of a bad father let's flip that around all those things are things I'm not going to do I'm going to be there let's start with that I'm going to hug this baby I'm going to change the baby I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night I will do the nappies I'll do it all but none of that stopped me being terrified because the moment that baby is born when it cries you have now become responsible for another human life anything I could to encourage, inspire, uplift, empower and have this child grow up to be confident and capable in a way that I didn't have Well look I'm casting you away from the hustle and bustle of family life obviously I'm not too worried about you on the island I think you're going to be fine

45:38but tell me what your expeditions and adventures taught you about resilience and what you'll need to survive as a castaway I think the one thing those expeditions has taught me is you have everything you need built in you sometimes we just need to discover it or rediscover it and I would use all the music that I've chosen to bring me back to my happy places to bring me back to places where I've learned lessons and I think when times get tough as they would do on any desert island I think the best thing you can do is reset, take a moment, take a breath reset, re-evaluate and the music gives you a break it gives you a chance to do that Well on that note I think we better hear your final disc today to win What's it going to be? My final disc is the amazing I'm still standing from Elton John and I chose this because we all feel like we're better down sometimes and I think this song is one that reminds us that actually just like I said a minute ago

46:38we are tougher than we think we have more to give than we think I'm still standing bitmap down a half a Dude it is looking like I chose you I'm feeling like a little kid and I'm still standing after all this time with a lot to do throughout my life without you on my mind I'm still standing Elton John and I'm still standing. So Duane Fields, I'm going to send you away to the island now, I'm giving you the Bible, the complete works of Shakespeare and you can take one other book of your choice. What would you like? The untold railway story is edited by Manisha Rajesh. I take that book because every story in there is a further escape and I think if you're stuck on a desert island, I think one of the most beautiful things you can do for yourself is take your mind away.

47:39The book has so many different railway stories and there's one that actually includes me so it's quite selfish actually. Where does your story take? Where are you on the railway? Oh, my story takes place on the Tazarra railway and when you read through this book every story takes you to a different place and I think that's why I'd love about reading that book on the island. Well, I'll definitely give you that book, you can have that one Duane. What about a luxury item to make like a bit more enjoyable, bearable on the island? This one's quite an easy one. I would take some kind of multi-tool, a swiss army knife because hey, if you want to survive or thrive, you need to either make tools or have a tool on an expedition. Well, it is a little bit practical. Am I not allowed a practical item? But, no, there's precedent, we've checked and the archives have been through the annals. Well, your mark took one as a companion, he travels everywhere with his and the nurse deem Claire birching took one as well. I will let you have it. Thank you. And finally, which one track of the eight that you've shared with us today?

48:41Would you rush to save from the waves first? Oh, my goodness. It has to be three little birds. I think the sentiment behind the song takes me back to a place in my life that I really enjoyed and I think that made me who I am today. The ability to feel free, the messages from my great grandma, which still live on in what I do today, what I do with my own children, how I teach them, still live on through that song. And I think that's the reason I choose that one. Deweyne Fields, thank you so much for letting us hear your dozen island discs. Thank you. It's been an absolute pleasure. Hello, I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Deweyne. We'll leave him to enjoy a personal reset on the island with the help of his eight discs.

49:45We've cast away lots of explorers, including Steve Baxor, Christina Doddwell and Anne Daniels. Former Chief Scout Bear grills is in our archive too. The studio manager for today's programme was Sarah Hockley. The assistant producer was Christine Pavlovsky. The executive production coordinator was Susie Roylands. The content editor was Megavitoria and the producer was Paul McGinley. Next time my guest will be the Oscar nominators Jesse Buckley. I do hope you'll join us. If journalism is the first draft of history, what happens if that draft turns out to be flawed? In 1999, four apartment buildings were blown up in Russia, hundreds killed.

50:45But 25 years on, we still don't know for sure who did it. It's a mystery that sparked chilling theories. Because these bombs, they're part of the origin story of one of the most powerful men in the world, Vladimir Putin. I'm Helena Merriman and in a new BBC series, I'm talking to the reporters who first covered this story. What did they miss first time around? The history bureau, Putin and the apartment bombs. Listen first on BBC Sounds.