Dwayne Fields, explorer

Hello, I'm Lauren the Vern and this is the Desert Island Disks podcast from BBC Radio 4.

Every week I ask my guests to choose the 8 tracks, book and luxury that they'd want to take

with them if they were cast away to a desert island. For right reasons the music's shorter than

on the original broadcast but you can find a version with longer music tracks on BBC sounds.

Listeners will also get access to episodes 28 days earlier than everyone else. I hope you enjoy listening.

My cast away this week is the Explorer and the UK's Chief Scout Duane Fields. His expeditions

have taken him from the deserts of Oman to the rainforests of Gubon via the Arctic.

He's the first black Britain to reach the magnetic North Pole, has made TV programs

charting his adventures all over the world and co-created the We2 Foundation to take young people

from challenging backgrounds like his on life-changing adventures. He was born in Jamaica

where he spent his early years happily exploring the countryside under his grannies care.

But when he was six he found himself uprooted and unhappily replanted in Hackney,

wondering where the trees had gone. He found refuge at his local Cubs Scout troop.

As a teenager growing up on an off-london estate he was exposed to gang violence. By his mid-20s he'd

been robbed, stabbed and shot at. The natural world became his escape route and in 2010 he signed

up for an Arctic adventure. It was a decision that changed his life. He says, I want to demonstrate

that there are no limits to what you can achieve. That doesn't mean that climbing Everest or crossing

Antarctica on foot are the be-all and end all. It's not about planting flags, but about planting

seeds. Do you feel welcome to Desert Island discs? Thank you. What a speak-up! Now to try and

live up to all the things that you've just said about me. Well, it's literally just a list of

things that you've done, so I'm excited to get into it too. Let's start with that idea of not

planting flags, but planting seeds. Tell me more about that. Generally speaking we see

adventurers this place where you challenge yourself to get to a point on a map or in some

cases a place on a map that hasn't been drawn yet. I actually think adventure should be about

inspiring people. So you talk about a place you've been to or a place you'd like to go to

in the hopes that you plant that seed of inquisitiveness, that seed of determination in young people

in particular, but anyone who hears your story and gives them that idea, the notion that they can

actually go on and do something, so it starts to grow. It's a spark of an idea that you've given

them as opposed to planting a flag. They see you do it. Plighting a seed means they think they can do it.

So, you know, on these expeditions, as we've heard all over the globe, what is it like going back to

everyday ordinary life? Well, it's a mind switch, isn't it? When you're out there, you are in

what feels like sometimes, and I don't like it to feel like that, what can feel like survival mode,

you're worried about what the conditions external are like, you're worried about, is your kit,

the right kit? Have you got the right foods? Are you moving in the right direction? How's the team

doing? How are your energy levels? Is the terrain what you expected? If it's not what you expected,

is it because you're going in the wrong direction, or is the information you had beforehand?

Correct. So, lots of things going on and you're in hyper alert all the time. When you come back

to day-to-day life, the worries are still there, but they're very different. It's, right,

are the kids going to be in school on time? Have they all woken up? Have they all brushed their teeth?

What's for dinner tonight? You've got five kids who have five little kids. The admin must be

extensive. You can imagine it's non-stop, and they're all different ages, so their needs are

all very different as well. But equally, when I come back to regular life, I'm just dead.

I'm the taxi driver. I am the walking wallet. I am the one that ties shoelaces,

so it's completely different worlds, but both as demanding as the other.

And is that good for you, do you think? Is it like a check on your ego or something? I don't know.

I'm thinking, you know, when you've just stood off your shoulders and said, okay, you know,

I'm the first black Briton to reach a magnetic North Pole, and then you come home and it's like,

Dad, stop doing that. Don't touch it. Absolutely. There is, so kids are great because they don't let

your ego grow. But equally, I, just touching on the North Pole thing, I never thought of the North

Pole and thought to myself, oh, I'm the first black Brit. It almost makes me cringe a little bit,

and anytime I try and tell my kids about something that I've done, it never impresses them.

So I have no chance of, there's no risk of me growing an ego, especially within the household.

Well, Dwayne, you've been working very hard to map out your discs, and I've only got eight to

here, so I think we should get started. Tell us about your first. My very first song is One

that takes me back to a place in my life where I was a little kid in Jamaica, and Bob Marley's

and the wayler's three little birds is the song that brings me back to that place.

The word in reminds me so much of my great-grandmother, and she was probably the most special person

in my life. And what reminds me most of her in that song is, you know, baby, don't worry,

everything's going to be all right. I remember going back to my great-grandmother crying

from time to time because I'd fallen and scraped myself, be bitten by some animal I was trying to

catch or, you know, just injured myself somehow. She would dust me off and say, I'd be fine,

she'd dust me off and send me back out there. And I think as a young person, the best thing you can

have in life is a safety net, a person who makes you feel safe, feel loved, feel supported,

but they won't keep you from the risks in life that expose you to risks in a safe way.

Bob Marley and the wayler's and three little birds. Doing fields you were born in Linsted

in Jamaica in 1982. It's a rural part of the island. And as we've heard, your great-grandmother

Loreta, who you called Granny, brought you up. How did you come to be in her care?

The way it happened is, and I've been told this by my mum, she had a really difficult time when

she found out she was pregnant with me. And my great-grandmother being the person who she was,

she stepped in and said, hey, listen, have this child. When the child is born, I'll take care of

the child. And from that moment on, I was in my great-grandmother's care. And tell me about it,

what kind of person was she? My great-grandmother was a beautiful, beautiful person. I remember running

up to her and I have this image in my head, I'd run up and I'd hug her and I'd see Granny and I'd

answer a silly question. And she wasn't an educated woman. So when I'd say, you know, Granny,

what's a star? She'd say, in a really strong Jamaican accent, I'm not going to try and do it now

because I'd sound silly. She'd say, I don't know, you'll have to go and find out and tell me.

And I think that was really empowering to me to go out there and seek out answers so I could come

back and deliver them to my great-grandmother, my granny. So you wanted to kind of explore the world

together with her. Was she strict? Was she able to do them thinking, you know, was she tough,

tough and loving, like what kind of parenting style? My great-grandmother was the softest human

being in existence. Now, that said, she didn't spare the rod. She was a church-going woman. She

didn't spare the rod when she needed to, but she was just so loving. She would give me a spanking

and then hug me afterwards and say, listen, I did tell you not to leave the house at that time,

or I told you not to do this and you did it. Come here, don't let me have to do it again,

and we'd hug and make up. And I remember the kind of person she was. Every morning she would take

her small bench when we lived down the lane off the main road and she'd put it just outside the gate

on the opposite side of the lane and as people walked past it could be the farmer, it could be the

person who lived amongst the bushes at the end of the lane and she would speak to every single one

of them in the exact same way. She wouldn't treat you differently because of what you had or what

you didn't have. And I think my ethos on life now is treat everyone fairly and I think I get that

from my great-grandmother. Well, thank goodness for your granny Louretta. So your mother, meanwhile,

had come to London, but your father lived locally to you. Were you in contact with either of them?

My dad lived just up the road from me and every day he would ride his motorbike down the road to get

to work and ride it back. And for a very long time, I would run out to the front when I heard the

motorbike coming. He would have known who you were. He knew exactly who I was. He knew that I was

his son. He knew where to find me every single day he passed our house. As soon as I heard the motorbike

coming, I would run out to the front thinking, gosh, my dad rides a motorbike. I hope today he'll wave

at me or I hope today he'll wink at me or just give me a gesture to acknowledge me to let me know

that he knows I'm alive. And no, he never did. And I think my great-grandmother watched me go

out to the front gate every single day and watch this man ride past every single day. Sometimes he'd

ride past with both hands on the handlebars. Other days he'd ride past. He's got his prize fighting

cock in his hand because cock fighting was a thing back then. And he would never acknowledge me.

And on this particular day, he followed me out and she grabbed me and she had tears in her eyes when

she was shaking. He's saying, stop coming out here. Can't you see the man doesn't like you

and can't you see he's not paying attention? And I remember in that moment, all the pride that

I naively had for my dad because here's a popular man who rides a bike. And he looks good and he's

cool and he's my dad. That was the day all the shine disappeared from my dad for me. And it

disappeared because he made my grandma cry as far as I could tell. And so I stopped going out to the

front. So in short, no, I didn't have any contact with my dad. And I had no contact with my mom.

In fact, up until the time I came to the UK, I only remember seeing my mom maybe three times.

I think conversations with my great grandma, my great aunt would be, oh, your mother's coming up,

go and put on some, you know, nice clothes. I think also that I brought a little bit of shame

because I was quite a feral kid. I was completely happy. Like most kids should be running around with

no shoes on and torn shirts and, you know, dirty shorts. And I was, I was absolutely

boggly or judge of the jungle. And that didn't seem to chime with what my mom expected of her kids.

And we've never had a mother-son relationship. And in fact, I call her by her name. And I didn't

recognize her as my mom until much later in life. I think we better go to the music,

time for your second piece today. What's it going to be and why have you chosen it?

This song is one that almost brings a tear to my eye. It's a song by Luther Vandross and it's

called Dance With My Father. It reminds me of the love I had for my father, which is something I

still struggle with. Deep inside somewhere, I feel like I love him. I feel like I shouldn't,

but the truth is I feel like I do. It's quite close to home because I want,

I want my kids to feel about me the way Luther Vandross talks about his father in this song.

It's emotional for you, I can see. It is. That's here.

Luther Vandross and Dance With My Father. So, Duane Fields, you've been very happy

in Granular Hatter's Care, but I know that when you were six, life changed. What happened?

When I was six, my grandma got a letter saying, right, it's time for him to come and live in the UK

now. We're ready for him to come and live in the UK. I left everything that I'd known,

all the things that I loved and felt confident doing and a place where I felt like I belonged.

I came to the UK to live with my mum. Again, this is somebody who I hardly knew and I am now living

in this new world with this person. What did you make of it? I mean, what do you remember about

arriving in North London from rural Jamaica? It must have been such a culture shock,

physical shock, everything. I remember we arrived at a house and initially I think it was in archway

and because I hadn't seen any trees or many trees, no hills, no fields, no forests, no woodlands,

I thought, right, that must all be out back and I remember running through this masonate

down four or five steps and I opened up the curtains that that was to the window of the back door

and I remember seeing a brick wall and thinking, oh my god, this is a completely different world.

It just felt like my entire world had collapsed and everything that I'd known,

everything that I'd become accustomed to, everything that I felt like I was the master of

had been taken away and I was in this completely foreign place.

Toine, I think it's fair to say that your relationship with your mother didn't improve.

Tell me about your experience in this new world that you were living in. Did you make friends

easily? Again, the things that I knew in Jamaica and experiences I had in Jamaica,

many of them weren't transferable. I'd never watched TV. We didn't have a TV, we had a small radio

and that was it. When you meet kids at the age of seven or they're about what they love to talk

about are their favorite TV characters, their favorite cartoon characters, their favorite

shows, their favorite action figures, their favorite toys. I had none of those things. I struggled

to make friends and in fact for a long time the only friend I had was the the child that the

teacher put me next to on that very first day and I remember trying to make friends or

recognizing the need to make friends and I went into the school gardens one day and I thought

my passion is the natural world. I love wildlife. I love animals. I'm going to teach them about

insects and I remember picking up a handful of wood lice and some centipedes and some other

creatures creepy crawlies and worms and other things. Anything I could find and I ran over to a

group of kids in the class who I really wanted to be friends with and I opened my hands and I was

going to tell them about the female wood lice who keeps her young and her stomach and every single

one of them ran away screaming and pointing at me saying you're nasty and I remember standing

in the middle of that playground and this was probably one of my lowest points at that age and

everyone ran away and they were just calling me nasty and dirty and err look at your hands and

err you like bugs and in that moment I decided maybe doing maybe don't be you if they're doing

something just fitting with what they're doing and actually that pattern of behavior I carried on

for quite a long time. Well I want to hear more about that doing but I also want to make room

for the music it's time for your third piece tell us what we're going to hear next. In 1998 my great

grandmother passed and a while later I heard this song from DMX and it's about his grandmother

someone who meant a lot to him and it sounds like she meant exactly to him what my great

grandmother meant to me and it's a song called I miss you and it's with DMX and Faith Evans.

How did you cope with the grief when when your granny died I mean it must have been so difficult

for you and obviously you were in an unhappy home you know in a happy situation here.

I remember I didn't cry because my great grandma and I we spoke about death just like which

speaking about Tuesday you know it was just the thing that she was happy for us to talk about

and loss was something she was happy for us to talk about so in many ways I feel like she was preparing

me I've never cried about it I've always felt sad about it but I do try and focus on what she

did for me and with me and how she has prepared me it's a sad song nonetheless and I miss her daily

but it ain't it's like when you left you took the Lord with you why could not come when he came to get you damn I really wish I had to say it again

I remember the time when I was like ten crept up in the neighbor's yard yeah being hard headed you told me I would get it you said it

boy did I get it up but after you spanked me you hugged me kiss me on my forehead I miss you DMX and Faith Evans

so when we were talking before about you starting to learn to fit in and you enjoyed school in Jamaica I think how did you get on when you came here because I know that you know you're dyslexic now did anybody spot that then I love school as a kid when you're a child in Jamaica in school it's lots of repetition it's not so much a focus on you working alone when I came to school here in in the UK I remember sitting in English and this is something that I've learned that lots of people feel

and maybe suffer from when it was time to read I would count how many people would be coming before me so I'd know what sentence I would have to read and I would recite the sentence in my head multiple times to the point where when it got to me I could just look at the teacher and say the words and I recognize now that it was because of fear and it was fear that was it is a very clever coping strategy I mean it really was a coping strategy to compound that

I had an incident when I was really young and it was again when I first came to UK my mum saw me reading and there was a concept in the book it was it was a book about a superhero and if you imagine again I'm a child from rural Jamaica the word super was never part of my vocabulary I'd never heard the word before but the word supper I had I got to the word and I saw up a per supper it didn't quite make sense to me but I recognize it was a real good thing

but I recognize it was making my mum angrier and angrier and eventually she grabbed the book and sent me upstairs and don't come back to her until you know the word and as a result of that I stopped reading in front of her I avoided I enjoyed reading we had some books in the house when I first came to when we first came here and I loved

flicking through the books and I loved trying to figure out what was happening when I was looking at pictures of lions and tigers and animals and whether it was a water system whatever it was a science experiment I love trying to figure it out by reading and I stopped doing all of that when after that incident.

I do know that the Cubs Scouts was a place where you felt comfortable though tell me about finding your way there.

I love talking about Scouts because I remember the first day and for me it was something that presented itself at the time that I needed it most.

So this is you and your best mate Stavros.

Yes Stavros.

Do you have my friends with?

So Stavros is the boy who the teacher put me next to on day one and Stavros was late for Cubs one day his mum was busy and we were playing and she said oh my god Dwayne I'll take you home once I've dropped Stavros often

we jump in the car and Stavros gets dropped off and he runs inside and still playing I chase him and I remember chasing him to the door and this man stood at the door and he says oh great a new starter and I freeze because I'm terrified I've never met a man who looks like him before he's tall I'm still quite new to the country

and I freeze and I look at Stavros his mum and she looks at me and looks at him and she says no no no no no we just hate to drop off Stavros and he says nonsense let him come inside and stay and they'll build in bridges across the two benches those old P style benches that you had in the the the whole in school

and I remember we were challenging ourselves to walk across planks of wood and they showed us how to tie things and I thought I knew I was doing so I'd tie some because again in Jamaica when I wanted a toy or a swing

or whatever it was I'd make it myself so I felt at home and I felt like I had something to offer in this environment

Well we'll find out whether it took you next Dwayne but first I want to hear some more music it's disc number four please what are we going to hear next?

So this song takes me back to those really early days in school when I first came to this country and it's Kylie Minogue and it's the low commotion

So where are you when when we hear this song where will it transport you to in your mind?

My teacher Mr. Mitru is the greatest teacher in history Mr. Mitru made you feel confident within yourself

and she would put this on and I remember her throwing her arms up and dancing and saying everyone right let's dance do your best movement do your best motion

and this was the first time I'd experienced an interaction like that with a teacher again in Jamaica you sit on your bench or you sit on your desk

and you recite or you're told what to do you're never part of any activities or any actions or any engagement on that kind of what feels like it's supposed to be fun

and this was the first time for me learning was made fun

So come on, come on, do the love of motion with me

Kylie Minogue and the low commotion

Duane Fields by the time you'd reached your teens you were living in Hackney where you were surrounded by gang violence

you weren't in a gang yourself but when you were 19 you were stabbed by a group of boys for being in the wrong place at the wrong time

it was a very serious attack you were lucky to recover from that and then a few years later you found yourself in an even more frightening situation

and that was over a more ped of yours that had been stolen

Yeah so I built this moped spent months in a cold wet shed with my younger brother we built this moped and it was stolen

and we all know that when something stolen in a particular area we know where it's going to end up in all likelihood

and sure enough I head down to this estate and there were these guys tearing this bike apart and I felt something I don't think I'd ever felt before

I felt this overwhelming sense of anger and I felt that partly because of the bike but also felt that partly because they'd pushed my brother off or hit him off the bike when they stole it

and I did what I think is probably the I made the worst decision when I said right I'm going to go down and get my bike back

and I walk in the middle and I grab this bike and there's eight or nine boys tearing it apart and the second mistake I made on that night was once everyone had said

take take the bike it's rubbish we didn't want to anyway I should have left but I didn't there was one guy one guy holding a plastic panel that had no useful function to the bike

and I should have let it go but I felt like there was some injustice in leaving any part of what I'd worked so hard on there and I remember I snatched it out of his hand

and as I turned to walk away he pushed me and the third thing that I did which was really silly I pushed him back

and he walked away and he came back and he had a loaded gun and I pushed my brother to the side as this guy raised the gun up

and I put my hands up and before I could say the words you don't have to I heard a click and he's pointing this gun directly at me at my torso

and he cocked it back and I heard I saw a round come out the side and he pulled the trigger again and before he could do it he was wrestling with the gun

before he could do it a third time some of the boys kind of grabbed him and said I don't worry it's not worth it and they moved on the gun misfire twice

and I had so many people saying mate what you're going to do we we know where you can find him we know where he hangs out

and I remember thinking I don't want to do anything to this guy I genuinely I'm just happy to be happy I didn't get short I'm not seeking retribution

my conscience wouldn't allow me to do that kind of harm to someone even someone who had attempted it to me

Dwayne it's all so much to go through for for such a young lad that you were then what helped you psychologically I know at this point you know this is this is when you kind of start to

to get back outdoors and and find yourself again

what helped me in that moment actually was I thought to myself right you are losing who you are in all of what's happened and happening to you

when were you the true version when were you yourself when were you bold enough when did you have the courage to say to someone

hey no I'm not going left I'm going right and actually the only time or the first time I recognized having that courage or developing those skills

that courage was as a kid in Jamaica when I'd climb those trees or I'd courage when I would wait out in into upon that formed after heavy rain

to look for what life lived underneath it I had courage when I was inquisitive and I was exploring the world around me in Jamaica

and somewhere I lost that kid I lost all of those learnings those lessons and I thought right how do I bring that kid who actually

that's the last time I really liked myself how do I bring that kid back to the floor and you know some time passed and I remember driving through

Epping Forest myself and a couple of friends were going to a party out in Essex somewhere and oh yes

and I remember driving through Epping Forest and I remember thinking hold on there were woodlands on both sides of the car

I've never been here before what's going on and I remember stopping the car and getting out the car

and walking for no more than about a minute into the woods and I couldn't hear any cars I couldn't hear any sounds

and it took me back to a place that was so familiar to me it just reawoken something that had been quiet or silenced for so long

and in that moment I decided that's who I need to go back to being

well Dwayne I want to know what happens next as much as everybody else but I also want to hear disc number five

so let's do that now what's it going to be?

disc number five for me is a song that is a constant reminder that we should always lead with kindness

and it's a song called Here I Come by Dennis Brown

here I come with love and not day three

sure they could listen first and shut for the life of the taste of my life

yeah be no bother oh no we're still even no even bang

Dennis Brown and here I come

Dwayne Fields by 2005 you'd found a job as a cashier in a bank but despite your best efforts to keep going

you ended up becoming homeless at the age of 22 what happened?

the relationship that I had with my mum was becoming strained and actually it had become unbearable

I think for both of us and I left her house and I became homeless in that moment

and I'd walk all day or what I do in the afternoons is I would put my bag and my backpack behind the bins in the estate

and I would sit around with the friends I had and pretend everything was normal

so you didn't even tell them?

I didn't I did not tell my friends that I was homeless

there's some the most embarrassing thing one of the most embarrassing things that's ever happened to me

and it's not something I talk about a lot but it's something that happened

we were sitting on one of my friends mini buses and someone said something smells

and I knew it was me and I remember walking off the bus and as I stepped off the bus

one of the one of the guys there walked past me and he took me into his house

and he gave me a washcloth and some soap and I basically washed my armpits in his sink

and that night I slept on a central line train and in the morning

I think it was the driver that got on the train and said to me, are you okay?

did you sleep then you know if that's what you're sleeping you're not okay

and I said well you know and he said do you see this ring and he points to a ring

and I didn't even look at it I just nodded yeah yeah

he said it's a beautiful ring isn't it?

and I said yeah one in to keep a green with him so he wouldn't get aggressive

he wouldn't call the police or call security or whatever else

I said yeah it's a nice ring

he said well for it to be a beautiful ring it had to be burned and bent and batted into shape

maybe that's what you're going through you should call someone

and he let me off at the very first station

and I remember walking till I found a phone box

and I used the absolute last few pennies in my pocket

I think it was about 30 pens or something to make a phone call

and I found my cousin and I said I'm really embarrassed I'm sorry

I need somewhere to stay and she just said are you an idiot why didn't you call me before

and that was the beginning of my journey back to where I am now

so you stayed with your cousin she helped me get back to work and get that straightened out

and eventually I know that you got your own little place that you could live in

but just a couple of years after that your friend Etem was shot and killed

just yards from where you had a gun pointed at you

what was the impact of his death on you?

This was a lovely guy

he played football for Dagnum and Red Bridge

he had recently gotten a job at the leisure centre as a lifeguard

he was somebody that had ambition and had the drive and some commitment

and he was the kind of person who you wanted to be

because you could tell he was he was going to be successful

he was going to be alright

but some random boys drove a car up to where he and another friend were

and said are you from around here

and they ran and this person fired a number of shots and hit him in the back

what that did to me was it sparked that same desire to do something now

because it was very close when it was me

and my brother again someone I care deeply about

and now it's a friend of mine

it doesn't need to happen

how can I impact that kind of behaviour?

So what did you do?

I didn't know what to do

I raised some money for some charities

and it felt good to raise money for these charities

that were predominantly aimed at preventing street violence

but still didn't feel like I was doing anything

I saw Ben Vogel and James Cracknell

speaking about the adventure of crossing the Atlantic in a row in Bolton

So this is on breakfast TV one day?

This is on breakfast TV I'm watching breakfast TV

and I remember thinking gosh it's a great adventure

and walking out the room

and the next thing I heard was what's next

and Ben Vogel and James Cracknell

well we're planning to walk to the South Pole

and we're looking for a third person to join the team

and it sounded like they were saying hey Duane

this is your opportunity

and again I was so afraid my confidence was so low

I didn't believe I would get that place

but I sent the email off or I sent the message off

maybe about a month or so later

and I got a letter back or a message back saying

unfortunately selections have started

you can't go in this expedition now because it's too late

would you consider going to the North Pole?

I was like what?

Great yes I don't care where it is

as far as I'm concerned I was born in Jamaica

North Pole South Pole they're both just icy and cold

it gives me whichever one I go to

will give me a platform that I can stand on

and say hey guys if I can go and do this thing

with the smallest amount of experience

surely you can do something more than

commit street violence or surely you can aim higher

The beginnings of your life as an adventurer

will find out more about that after this next disc

what's number six Duane?

Number six for me is a song by Louis Armstrong

and Velma Middleton

this song's important to me because again it marks

another turning point in my life

it's called You're the Apple of My Eye

and it reminds me of my wife Angelique

and our relationship

You're the apple of my eye

You're luscious and you're sweet

You're the apple of my eye

You're sweet enough to eat

Now since we met I always get that

certain feeling

and for the more I love you

for you so appealing

You're the apple of my eye

Your kisses are delish

They're tastier than homemade apple pie

I'll hang around your orchid

till I win your heart

because you're the only apple

in my apple card

I'm gonna shake your tree

until you fall for me

because you're the apple of my eye

I look at her

You know you're the apple of my eye too baby

You're the apple of my eye

Louis Armstrong and Velma Middleton

for your other half Angelique

So Duane

I think you say yourself that the stereotype

of a global explorer is not someone with a story like yours

that we've heard so far

So where did you look for role models

when you were embarking on these adventures?

I went on to Google

and I searched North Pole

and as you go down that rabbit hole

you learn things

That's where we're starting

That's where we're starting

It's day one

and that's where we're starting

That's where we're starting

It's day one

and that's where we're starting

and I read that he and Robert

had become the first people

to make it to the magnetic North Pole

and this was way back in 1909

and it went on to say that Matthew Henson

was the first black person

to reach the pole

So this is the first time I'm seeing a face

that looks like mine

associated with the conditions

or the environment I'm about to go into

and I took a lot of energy

from that I thought if he could do it then

I could do it now

So you had fire in your belly

I did

But then you found out that you had to raise

22,000 pounds to secure your place

Did that come as a shock?

It came as a huge shock

because I didn't consider

the cost of doing something like this

So I went knocking on doors

I went business to business in Dahlston

for example, asking for money

and telling people about this great thing

that I wanted to do

and lots of people said things like

May, you're from Jamaica

Walk around Jamaica

You're going to lose bits and pieces

Yeah, that's not for us

Not for us as in me as a black person

But I think also they were talking about

me as in the community

we were from

whether it's black, brown, white, anything in between

I think there was definitely a sense that

that's middle class or upper class people

That's people with you know

spare money or spare time and resources

And I remember thinking

this planet should be open to anyone

and everyone

So when I came up against those people

and they would never give you any money

they tell you why it's a bad idea

but they'd never give you any money

I thought right

Now I have to prove you wrong as well

So I'm even more determined to make this happen

And what about the training?

I mean there's loads of physical training isn't that?

I remember in preparation for the poll

I would play football during the week

I would play football at the weekends

I would box

and I would run

and I would pull tires

and actually the most embarrassing thing

that I've ever experienced

happened to me while I was pulling tires

in hackney marshes

and coming down towards the canal

and there was a footpath

underneath one of the bridges

and as I went through the footpath

I remember hearing some voices

it was maybe nine or so boys

and I tried to walk past

pulling this tire

or the two tires

tied to a rope

and I remember them laughing at me

I'm roughly six foot tall

I remember walking past them

and shrinking down to

a foot tall

and they had the ability

to influence my behaviour

to the point where I didn't walk

or train in hackney marshes anymore

I would go to Clisode Park

late at night when the park was closed

and I would just do

relays or shuttles

on the grass

in a closed park

in a dead of night

So then nobody saw you

So then nobody saw me

So after all of that

in April 2010

you set off with two companions

to walk 400 nautical miles

to the Magnetic North Pole

Can you put into words

how you felt when you reached it?

In short, the words I'm going to use

are anti-climax

I arrived at the point on the map

and the point on our GPS

that we'd been aiming for

in essence for the past two

plus years

and what I realised

in that moment

when we'd arrived

and we'd looked around

and taken our picture

I realised that that point on the map

was never the goal

wasn't about getting to that bit of snow

it was about being bold enough

to set yourself a goal

that appeared unachievable

or very difficult to achieve

and then working hard

being bold enough and being

confident enough

and believing in your teammates

and believing in the training

enough to go and realise it

actually that's really powerful

you need to share that message

with your peers

Dwayne, it's time for your next piece of music

disc number seven please

what are you taking to your island next?

The next song I'm going to take to my island

is a song by Katie Perry

and the reason I want to take this song

is it reminds me of my son in particular

he has autism

and I remember one day

just sitting down

I think we're in a car

my anger me

and he was in the back

and I heard him sing in this song

and I thought wow

this song is about really believing yourself

and being tough

and here's my son

who has been really quiet

really reserved

singing this really empowering song

and it's a moment I'll never forget

and all my kids sing it at some point as well

this is Katie Perry

Raw

I got the eye of the time

I get the fire

dancing through the fire

because I am the champion

and you're going to hear me roar

louder louder than the lion

because I am the champion

and you're going to hear me roar

Katie Perry

and Raw

Duane Fields

in 2019

you made a film for the BBC's

country file program

on the back of a DEFA report

that addressed the issue of inclusivity

in the UK's national parks

where you know several years on from that now

do you think that the countryside

is an accessible space for everyone today?

When you go out now

I think you see a lot more people

from far more diverse backgrounds

spending time out there

and I think it's important that it happens

because the more people

we get invested in the countryside

to value it, to love it,

to benefit and feel the benefits

the more people

or the bigger the cohort

of people who will work to protect it

I would love

when I'm 60 or 70 or 80 years old

I would love to be able to just go for a walk

because we still have some of our

beautiful natural spaces

maintained as beautiful as they are now

if not more self and I think we do that as a team

as a collective

We've talked a lot about your parents today

and I wonder

to make peace with your relationships with them

I know that your father died in 2021

but that you did see him

one last time

In 2016 I was in Jamaica

and I was

out with my brother

and a cousin and a few friends

and I saw that distinctive silhouette

of my dad

this time not on a motorbike but on a bicycle

when we stopped the car

I remember I had some dark glasses on

it was sunny but too

I didn't want emotions to get the better of me

and I didn't want him to see emotions

getting the better of me

and I remember him saying

I know you must be, you know, upset with me

but I've seen what you've been up to

and he said he was proud

of what he's seen

and it built up this

huge ball of emotions

inside me and actually

the moment he said that I was really glad

I kept my glasses on

and he started to fill up a little bit

and he said I have nothing to offer you

the most I can do is buy you a drink at the bar down the road

I said do you know what?

I'd already left some money at the bar

because that's where my cousin myself

and my friends were

I said I've left money at the bar

you can have a drink on me

and I got back in the car

and we drove away and I felt like that was

complete closure

What about your relationship with your mother

that's where between you

I think it's important to wish people the best

and never wish anyone ill

but I still feel a lot of hurt

from my mum for a variety of reasons

and I think she feels a lot of hurt as well

and I think it's best that

you appreciate people from a distance sometimes

Duane, you have a family of your own now

and you know they are

keeping your hands very, very full

I know that you met your wife

Angelique while you were studying psychology

at university

I mean lots of people who've grown up

in difficult circumstances and on happy homes

they're scared about accidentally repeating

the cycles or not being able to

rise to the challenge of being a parent

not having a role model

how did you feel about it

and obviously it's worked out

but how did you get there?

When I first found out I was going to be a dad

I was terrified

I honestly I looked at the experience I had

and I thought right

I don't have any experience

really good father

but I have experience of a bad father

let's flip that around

all those things are things I'm not going to do

I'm going to be there

let's start with that

I'm going to hug this baby

I'm going to change the baby

I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night

I will do the nappies

I'll do it all

but none of that stopped me being terrified

because the moment that baby is born

when it cries you have now become

responsible for another human life

anything I could

to encourage, inspire, uplift, empower

and

have this child grow up to be

confident and capable

in a way that I didn't have

Well look I'm casting you away

from the hustle and bustle of family life

obviously I'm not too worried about you on the island

I think you're going to be fine

but tell me what your expeditions

and adventures taught you about resilience

and what you'll need to survive as a castaway

I think the one thing

those expeditions has taught me

is you have everything you need

built in you

sometimes we just need to discover it

or rediscover it

and I would use all the music

that I've chosen

to bring me back to my happy places

to bring me back to places where I've learned lessons

and I think when times get tough

as they would do on any desert island

I think the best thing you can do

is reset, take a moment, take a breath

reset, re-evaluate

and the music gives you a break

it gives you a chance to do that

Well on that note I think we better hear your final

disc today to win

What's it going to be?

My final disc is the amazing

I'm still standing from Elton John

and I chose this because

we all feel like we're

better down sometimes

and I think this song is one that reminds us that

actually just like I said a minute ago

we are tougher than we think

we have more to give than we think

I'm still standing

bitmap down a half a Dude

it is looking like I chose you

I'm feeling like a little kid

and I'm still standing

after all this time

with a lot to do

throughout my life

without you on my mind

I'm still standing

Elton John and I'm still standing.

So Duane Fields, I'm going to send you away to the island now, I'm giving you the Bible,

the complete works of Shakespeare and you can take one other book of your choice.

What would you like?

The untold railway story is edited by Manisha Rajesh.

I take that book because every story in there is a further escape and I think if you're

stuck on a desert island, I think one of the most beautiful things you can do for yourself

is take your mind away.

The book has so many different railway stories and there's one that actually includes

me so it's quite selfish actually.

Where does your story take?

Where are you on the railway?

Oh, my story takes place on the Tazarra railway and when you read through this book every

story takes you to a different place and I think that's why I'd love about reading that book

on the island.

Well, I'll definitely give you that book, you can have that one Duane.

What about a luxury item to make like a bit more enjoyable, bearable on the island?

This one's quite an easy one.

I would take some kind of multi-tool, a swiss army knife because hey, if you want to survive

or thrive, you need to either make tools or have a tool on an expedition.

Well, it is a little bit practical.

Am I not allowed a practical item?

But, no, there's precedent, we've checked and the archives have been through the annals.

Well, your mark took one as a companion, he travels everywhere with his and the nurse

deem Claire birching took one as well.

I will let you have it.

Thank you.

And finally, which one track of the eight that you've shared with us today?

Would you rush to save from the waves first?

Oh, my goodness.

It has to be three little birds.

I think the sentiment behind the song takes me back to a place in my life that I really

enjoyed and I think that made me who I am today.

The ability to feel free, the messages from my great grandma, which still live on in

what I do today, what I do with my own children, how I teach them, still live on through that

song.

And I think that's the reason I choose that one.

Deweyne Fields, thank you so much for letting us hear your dozen island discs.

Thank you.

It's been an absolute pleasure.

Hello, I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Deweyne.

We'll leave him to enjoy a personal reset on the island with the help of his eight discs.

We've cast away lots of explorers, including Steve Baxor, Christina Doddwell and Anne

Daniels.

Former Chief Scout Bear grills is in our archive too.

The studio manager for today's programme was Sarah Hockley.

The assistant producer was Christine Pavlovsky.

The executive production coordinator was Susie Roylands.

The content editor was Megavitoria and the producer was Paul McGinley.

Next time my guest will be the Oscar nominators Jesse Buckley.

I do hope you'll join us.

If journalism is the first draft of history, what happens if that draft turns out to

be flawed?

In 1999, four apartment buildings were blown up in Russia, hundreds killed.

But 25 years on, we still don't know for sure who did it.

It's a mystery that sparked chilling theories.

Because these bombs, they're part of the origin story of one of the most powerful men

in the world, Vladimir Putin.

I'm Helena Merriman and in a new BBC series, I'm talking to the reporters who first covered

this story.

What did they miss first time around?

The history bureau, Putin and the apartment bombs.

Listen first on BBC Sounds.