EMERGENCY POD: The 5 Stages of Patriots Grief

0:00nationwide is so much more than a great insurance company. They're one of America's largest financial services companies, just like I'm so much more than quarterback Peyton Manning. I'm also Peyton Manning. Insurance and financial services together? It's a masterpiece. Peyton Manning does it again. For your insurance and financial needs, nationwide is on your side. Nationwide Investment Services Corporation and Bafinra Columbus, Ohio. Every game day you show up for your team. Now it's your time. We go, we go, we go, we go. Ask your prescriber about We Govi, some Maglatide Injection 2.4 milligrams, a GLP1. Call 1-8-334 We Govi or visit We Govi.com to view the Medication Guide and to learn more about We Govi. Why wait? We Govi. All right, welcome to the Kevin Wiles Podcast Network,

1:03an emergency episode of, hey, what's going on? Patriots lose week one. Bit of a dual prong content here. I will tell you the stages of grief that I've been going through and also a story about my personal life while I was going through those stages of grief that Drake May's decision making is responsible for. So we'll pick this story up in about the fourth quarter. Now, fun fact, this is from Josh, our researcher. If you're up at least 10 to nothing with under 20 minutes left in the football game in the last 50 years, you have a 95% chance of winning that game. Teams are 1,162 and 64. So my wife, although she didn't, I don't think she knew that stat off the top of her head.

2:06At some point said, I'm going to go to the US Open later this week. I'm going to go to bed. I say, okay, please let the dogs out before you do. She says, okay, we'll do. I hear the door open. The dogs are out. Now, the caveat to this story is that I have two dogs. One dog who is partly a human being, partly a Bernie's mountain dog, partly a poodle. So Bernie's mountain dog, but again, one part human being. To the point where, and I don't know where you stand on reincarnation, but God had a guy who loved dogs. Said, hey, I'm going to send you back down to earth. What do you want to be? I was like, I'll be a dog. He said, boom, okay, it's got the fur, got the tail, the paws.

3:09And then all of a sudden, God had to go do something else. And my current dog is there talking to God's assistant. Do you think I'm, he's got coming back or, I don't know, I think he said you're ready to go. He's like, I'm definitely not ready to go. I have a human brain and like human being eyes and like a human being is personality. And I was like, well, you got it like a tail and you know, a long tongue. Like you are furry. I think you're ready to go. He's like, I'm not ready to go and then bam, the guy is born in Massachusetts and a Bernie doodle. And now I've got him. That's my dog rocket. I have another dog, Annie. Annie is also a Bernie doodle. Annie's nickname is Miss behavior. She's a naughty dog. She's got two different color eyes. She's stunningly beautiful. She has pretty privilege. She does whatever she wants.

4:09When the two dogs go outside, rocket, who would prefer probably to go to the bathroom in the toilet, quietly goes to the bathroom and then comes back and sits there and just waits for you to open the door. He's always the first one in. And then Annie will be out digging a hole, some in the yard at nothing, just digging a random hole or running down the street after a leaf, or she'll come back with a piece of cellophane in her mouth and say, well, what I got an old, when I was an old solo cop, I'm like, thank you, Annie. You always have to call her. So I'll end that story there and start to tell you about the show. The first thing that happened, the dogs are still outside at this point. Drake May has thrown his third interception of the fourth quarter. First stage of grief. Shock. I just can't believe that you did that.

5:12To the point, and a Gian, I know you're not a parent yet. But when you are a parent, you don't go to Dr. Spock's parenting book every time something happens. You have a handful of quick responses, you know, boom, you know, the kid won one of my son's punches the other side, don't do that. Just you're not thinking you're just responding to behaviors. This is true. And there's just something's Pavlovian going on in my brain about parenting. This is a true feeling. As soon as I saw Drake May throw his third interception, when we could have just gone to overtime in one. And all he just drove the field. My first thought of watching Drake May was go to your room. I'm not Drake May, I'm not related to Drake May. I'm not even in Seattle, but that was triggered in my brain. You did something unacceptably wrong.

6:14It's not a deal breaker by any stretch, but I'm disappointed in you go to your room. That was my first thought. I filed that under shock. I thought I was Drake May's parents. Then obviously very quickly denial, the classic. You're at about. You're at about you didn't get your feet in. You got his feet in. Timing issues. I don't even know Western Michigan thing. Like what do you mean Western Michigan thing? Too much time. None of it makes sense. That wouldn't even benefit you. Back to the dogs. The dogs now are outside and I know they're outside. The kids have gone to bed. Now it's just me. I've got to let the dogs in. I'm not ready to yet because now I'm at anger. Whose fault is this? How could this happen? That's what the internet says. The stages of grief are on that anger.

7:15The first one. And he played great. To the point Gianna. And this is not cool. I was on my trek for 100,000 Instagram followers. Which is really just a bet I have with my son. I wasn't going to do this. But I crossed my mind. I was going to say. I'm going to take my shoes off and walk around the yard. Like Mac Collins. You know Mac Collins is a big fan of being barefoot and connecting with the earth. Which I don't know if that's a conspiracy theory. But I do like that idea. People who just walk around barefoot are just in better moods. Now they might be in better climates where you can just walk around barefoot. But just generally like the guy who wears shorts all the time. Kind of like the more of a climate thing. Probably I'm at Mac. I'm at it poor Mac Collins. I'm like, you got to play defense. We doesn't. He's trying his best. Then I'm mad obviously at Drake May who I've sent to his room about to take away his game boy. Then I'm at it Josh McDaniels. Where I'm at it the play call.

8:16I'm I also have a theory about Josh McDaniels based on an old truck that I drove this weekend. So last weekend we went out to see my in laws and they've got an old truck. An old Ford Ranger. And. Obviously it doesn't have a backup camera. It's an old Ford Ranger very old. And I found myself backing up. And I grew up with the without backup cameras. They're a moderately new thing. And I'm backing up blindly. Like looking at the air conditioning thing. What are you doing? Turn around. But I've become so used to most of my driving at this point. Has had a vehicle with a backup camera and I just forget the basics. Part of me wonders. The Josh McDaniels. Become so used to.

9:16An advanced version of a quarterback in Tom Brady. That had a backup camera for example just more advanced. That he forgot to remind just a regular old quarterback. Hey, don't throw an interception here. So I'm at Josh McDaniels. Then I mad at Mike variable because we didn't play in the preseason. He came out with a quote. It's like, well, if we played against the Eagles backups that doesn't. I'm like, I know Mike variable, but I'm I got to be mad. I'm just mad. And in this anger, you should never start making decisions because your. Thought process is clouded. Like I got to go to bed even though I'm mad. I got to let the dogs in. I go there. It's just Annie. Oh, where's Rocky? Probably didn't go out. Loves my wife to death. So he probably just went upstairs. He'll just be like, I actually don't need to go to the bathroom.

10:17I'm fine. Oh, good. I'll just. I'm actually going to grab a shower and go to bed. So rocket is upstairs in his bed. Annie's here. Not eat like wet. Why are you wet? What are you rolling in? I let her in. Close the door. Shut the lights off. Go to bed. Bargaining stage. What can we do? What can we trade off? Should we trade for Max Crosby? That's the plan. Go all in. Drake is on his rookie contract. Trade for Max Crosby. Do you have anything to do with him? And why don't you play with him? Or the Raiders game. But then make a promise that he won't play against the Raiders. How about that? Or maybe after the Raiders game. Or when we play the Raiders have a meeting. And be like, Hey, can we have Max Crosby? How many picks do you guys want? He's not on Mendoza's timeframe. So I'm going through all of this in my head.

11:17And while I'm doing this. I smell a scum. I hear barking outside. What? It sounds a little bit like my dog, but again, I'm in sort of a sleepy haze of depression and I'm going through my grief, you know. I say, I think that's rocket to myself. And my wife says, I smell a skunk. Now, my wife has a great sense of smell and I do not. I thought I did. Turns out I don't. I go downstairs. Poor rocket is sitting there. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Drick maize got me all frazzled. I left you outside for good two hours and you had to bark, you didn't like the bark. It's a nice guy. What's going on? He's like, oh, I got it. Just spray by a skunk a little bit. Like, well, you're not that bad. It's the second time you get sprayed by a skunk.

12:17But I see and he doesn't smell that bad at all. Like thank goodness because it could be on disaster. I take him upstairs. I wish it like did he get sprayed? I'm like, no, he goes to his bed. Of course he got sprayed. I don't know. I guess I don't have a bad sense smell. She starts washing them with the skunk spray, where my the only shower room with the, you know, the hose thing that every shower has one of those or holes in them off. And I'm sitting there patiently. My wife is now up, showering the dog that I didn't bring in. And she's trying not to be mad at me because the dog is scared. So she's trying to keep the energy like calm around the dog. Yeah, it's pretty bad. It's cool. She's like, it's okay. But she's, I know that she's mad at me. I deserve to be mad at me. But do I, what did I do? I didn't throw an air suspension of the boy quarry with the game. We had a chance. So I'm like, it's not my fault. It means it's a strict made fault. It's obviously my fault. Depression.

13:18The next morning. I get up and I'm like, I'm in a bad spot. Kids are still upset. My wife quietly upset. I rather just be actually upset. And I cost her valuable sleep. The dogs wet. It's, it's all my fault. It's basically, it's like power ranking. People whose fault it was. Look number one, rocket number two, me number three, but probably number one. Since I'm the only human being on the list. I hop on the old bicycle, Gianna. Is that a personal record? Yeah, that's what I tweeted. Little Strava record for the came in. But that was a little silver lining, you know? And then finally, here's where we're at. Acceptance. Maybe we're just not good this year. I had just have to accept that. Super Bowl hangover is a real thing.

14:19I was drunk as a skunk last year. And now, hey, now it's due. Grab some gatorades. Grab some Tylenol. Lay out. Throw on Shawshank redemption. You're done for this year. It's on the board. I have to accept it. The whole loser is in the rematch the next season. Patriots lost, the chiefs lost, the 49ers lost, the Eagles beat the chiefs. Falcon's Panthers Broncos Patriots. They all lost the last 30 season. And if you lose the 25 chiefs law, they went six and 11. They missed the playoffs last year, the 22 Bengals. They lost week one, but they went 12 and four. The 49ers, you know, whatever, Gianna is pulled up. I'm still in this stage, okay? I'm still in the sad phase. The positive angle of the acceptances, a, Mike variable turns out loses week one. I don't know why I didn't know this. I've been prepping for week one for Mike variable for two years.

15:20This is what he does. The guy just likes to lose week one. Fix it on the fly and it's had some good teams because of it. So this is what Mike variable does. And of course, there's a famous Patriots game where we lost to the bills 31 nothing and we end up winning the Super Bowl. So maybe this is actually good for us. Maybe we circle the wagons, say, hey, we played the champs close. Let's all get together and be better just like I was with my, you know, bicycling on Strabo. We can actually take this pain and turn it into something positive. So there you go. I've gone through all the stages of grief. My dog will smell like a skunk for a while. I'll be honest with you, I'm surprised I don't smell like a skunk today, but I'm not ruling it out that I was in such a bad mood that perhaps people were just being nice to me all day and they didn't want to tell me wilds, you and your Patriots stink.

16:27Nationwide is so much more than a great insurance company. They're one of America's largest financial services companies, just like I'm so much more than quarterback Peyton Manning. I'm also Peyton Manning. Insurance and financial services together? It's a masterpiece. Peyton Manning does it again. For your insurance and financial needs, nationwide is on your side. Social and White Investment Services Corporation, Ember Finrick, Columbus, Ohio.