Ep 371 Do I Belong Here? Race, Intimacy & Emotional Safety

Zach and Desirae Ysasi pick up where they left off—diving deep into the intersections of race, identity, privilege, and emotional intimacy in relationships and therapy spaces. What unfolds is a profoundly honest and vulnerable conversation about belonging, the emotional labor of marginalized people, and what it means to truly listen and connect across differences.

Desirae shares how her lived experience as a Mexican-American woman shapes her approach to relationships, while Zach opens up about grappling with his identity as a white man raised with privilege. The episode becomes a model of real-time learning and mutual respect, grounded in curiosity and humility.

This is more than just a conversation about culture—it’s about how we show up for each other with compassion, honesty, and a willingness to grow.

Key Takeaways

•  Curiosity Over Certainty
  Zach and Desirae reflect on the importance of asking questions to understand, not to correct. True connection comes from being willing to sit in uncertainty and learn from others' lived experiences.
•  Self-Esteem as a Spiritual Concept
  Desirae explains that healthy intimacy requires healthy self-esteem—and for many marginalized people, self-worth must be cultivated not from the culture around them, but from a deep spiritual sense of belonging and worthiness.
•  Therapists are Still Learning, Too
  Zach shares a story about unintentionally alienating a client and asks how to be better. Desirae responds with grace and clarity.
•  Navigating Marriage in a Marginalized Body
  Desirae speaks powerfully about what it means to build intimacy in a world that has long devalued your body, identity, and culture. Even with all the right tools, trauma and oppression create layers that take time and care to unwind.

Guest Link

• ysasicounseling.com

• Based in San Antonio, TX

• Specializes in couples therapy, cultural identity, and relational healing

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