EP 3827 You need to slow down enough to appreciate your life

0:00Hey guys, welcome to today's podcast and today's episode. Do you need to slow down enough to appreciate your life? So I think one of the biggest problems that we strike these days is obviously we're so busy, so bombarded with information. The pace of everything is so frenetic these days that we just keep going faster, doing more, rarely are we slowing down. And sometimes I think you just got to slow down enough to appreciate the life you're in love and the life you already have, just enough to go, wow, actually, things are pretty awesome. I catch myself doing this all the time, which is not slowing down, but I catch myself often like, I really want my life to be more like this or do that, I want to improve this thing, I want this thing to be better. And then as I'm going through that process, I am absolutely not considering where or how good my life already is because I'm in this sort of false economy, perhaps, of, you know, I've got so much more I want to do.

1:00And for my ADHD brain, there's always more stuff that I want to do. There's always more stuff that I want to improve. There is always going to be things that I want to be better. And part of that could be also the whole, you know, hyper vigilance thing from PTSD, my brain is really miles now, I'm always looking at what doesn't work. And it's a naturally human thing, that monkey brain, hundreds of thousands, millions of years of evolution have got that part of our brain so strongly dialed into what isn't working because we want to make sure that, you know, we are looking for danger and looking for problems. So that if something pops up and it's not going to shock us or it's not going to surprise us. But the issue is, when you constantly looking for the things that aren't working, obviously, you find more of that. And I find myself now in a place off in my life where I will start to get stressed. And then I literally stop and go, what am I stressed about? What is the thing that's actually causing me grief? And there really isn't anything. Well, life's actually pretty fucking amazing.

2:01Yet there are definitely times where I'm still in this place of going, I know there's what about, you know, there could be problems this thing. And it's not even normally these things are an issue. It's more like just this feeling of there could be something wrong. And then I go searching, trying to find it, which is just that really strongly, calibrated monkey brain fodder flight system. But the stark reality for me in my life at the moment is there is nothing wrong. And in many ways, I'm in one of the most peaceful phases in my life I've ever had, where my kids are both grown up. They're both adults. My business is going well. Money's no massive issue. I don't have any problematic relationships in my life. I'm training well. My health is really good. I don't have any people, things, circumstances that are causing me stress or grief because I've worked so hard over 20 fucking years to change it. But because I came from a place that was pretty problematic. And if you've never listened to this podcast, it's, you know, 30 years in the cop's speed, your state of pressure and battling suicide, divorce, not seeing my kids for years.

3:05Business struggles also to shit going on. Then it's totally understandable that I have this naturally calibrated brain that is looking for problems. And I don't pick myself up. I go, well, of course that makes sense. That's 100% where my brain would naturally live because of that circumstance or the circumstances that I was in. But those things aren't a problem anymore. So invariably what I'm doing is looking at where the problems are and there aren't any. And because my life is as busy as I want it to be or not, I equally have quite an amount of time at times to just sit and contemplate things. I'm not so busy that I'm distracted. So therefore that can be an issue. But for you, if I look at, I was talking to Dasha as a girl, it's like a daughter to me who I've been really close to for like 12 or 13 years and she's got two little kids. She works full time so there's a husband. I said, I was talking to her that she goes, I'm just so tired. It's fucking the life's hectic.

4:06And I said, yeah, that's up because you're in the trenches. You are in an extremely hectic time of life. It's super busy kids. If you've got kids that are under teenage years, then I think if you look at that, that is absolutely the trenches because once kids get to 11, 12, 13, they're starting to get a little bit more independence. They can look after themselves a bit more. But if they're 10 and under, most of the time you've got to keep them entertained or at least keep an item. Let alone if they're little kids. If you're someone who, you know, you've got little toddler kids, that is the trenches. You're sleep terrible. It's a million miles now. You're busy. So it's very hard at times to understand what a great life you're probably living. And I think that is a trap that so many people fall into and I certainly did when the girls mum and I had our kids. But I still do now sometimes. I'm like, and obviously I don't have little kids. But I look around and I'm like, holy shit, what's going on here? And it was actually one of the things that mum and I was in a relationship with up until

5:10like last year, who's a great, really good human. She was almost 20 years younger than me. So a lot younger than I was. And in a different phase of life. And we got on so well, she was exceptional human. But she really wanted a family and I was like, that's just not something I might have to do. Again, and part of that reason selfishly was going, man, I'm just coming out of the trenches as in my kids are both adults. To go back in in my mid 50s just seemed crazy. And that was my ability to sit back at that time piece. If we look at my life and go even though that man I couldn't be in a relationship with that person who was definitely just a beautiful, amazing woman and somebody who, you know, I had never met someone like that previously. But still I was like, yeah, my life's really peaceful. I'm pretty cool. And I'm coming in a phase now for the next 40 years, 50 years, however long I live where I can just do whatever the fuck I want. And as selfish as that even sounds to me as I say it out loud, I think that common sense to not go back into that because I was chasing the happiness of a relationship was just a

6:12very smart move. But for me, it's part of that. And that's probably another podcast episode actually about, you know, doing tough things up front instead of chasing the dream and falling apart. And then what I understand now is I look at my life and go, holy shit, it's pretty fucking amazing. Yet there are times when I'm still like, I feel pretty stressed and anxious and this seems tough. Then I'm like, what are you talking about, mate? It is just muscle memory. All I need to do in those times is breathe, slow down and realize how amazing it really is. And that's like, I'm super healthy. I don't have any health issues that my business is going well and can go so much better when I put the effort into putting myself out more, which is something I'm continually working on. I get amazing results for clients and consulate getting people tell me how much my work impacts them. So that's fantastic. Got beautiful people around me, great friendships, like all this stuff in my life, that's pretty fucking amazing. My time is my own to do with what I want. So just all I have to do is slow down and look at it and go, you know what, this is pretty

7:15cool. And then equally, if you are someone who is in that trenches phase where you're in your mid to late 30s or whatever, you've got a couple little kids and your relationship might have a few little issues because you're both so tired and tense and you've never got time to spam with each other like that's often what happens. Then equally, it's again to slow down and look at it and go, what would be the other alternative where you didn't have your kids, you weren't in that marriage, you were on your own. And at some stage, you desperately wanted to be in a relationship with someone, have kids and build your own family. And now you've got that and you're probably looking at it going, well, this is so hard, you know, blah, blah, blah, because we get so stuck in where we are in the moment. Instead of looking, you know, at some stage, this is what you want it. And even though the version of it might be different and you might find it somewhat challenging and difficult, that's okay. But to understand that this is actually what you wanted at some stage. And to slow down enough to look at your life and go, I really appreciate it and it's something I love. Instead of constantly being stuck and it's looking at what doesn't work, I'm so stressed,

8:18it's so difficult. It is something that I think a lot of people fall into that trap. I was talking to my niece this morning who she deals with a bit of anxiety and she was like, I, you know, I'm just feeling really anxious and I wanted to talk to you and I said, cool, is sleeping well? She goes, no, not really. I said, you're eating well, not really. I said, well, that's why you're anxious stuff. I said, so stop fucking creating reasons why things aren't working. I said, you're actually just not doing the basics for yourself and she just like, yeah, I know, that's why I call you because I know you'll kick my ass. I'll go, you're cool. For her, it's the same thing. I said, sweetheart, you're 18. I've just got a couple of part-time jobs. I said, this is probably the craziest your life's ever going to be. And I said, that's cool. That's great. I said, but also I appreciate that. The, you know, there is an aspect of your life at the moment where it is so good, but you are probably not appreciating that because, you know, you're focusing on what isn't working and she goes, yeah, that's so true. So we all do it. It's not rare. You're not unique. You're not even probably, like, it's not even unusual.

9:21That this is a thing that most people do. And when you can get to the point of understanding that the reason you get stuck in this place is because that's just a natural driver in our lives or in our brains. That's how they're wired. Then you can start to look and go, cool, that's not how I want to live. And start making some choices around that that are different. And that, that is doing things like meditation, all those types of things. But also just slowing down and looking at your life and going, what are the great things that you have going on? Because that perspective is so fucking important. And I'm forward to, I think, we're off and don't look at that anywhere near enough. It's just something that popped into my mind today that things really important. Have a look at it. Send me a message on Instagram or something. Let me know what you think. But ultimately, slow down enough to realise how good your life really is. Talk to you tomorrow. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Always remember, if you want the results, you have to do the work. If you want to know more about how I can help you and my story, go to www.thupstronglifeproject.com.