Ep 597 - Fart Goggles (feat. Luis J. Gomez & Lemaire Lee)

Wow, wow, Wes. Hey, you were live. God damn what's going on? Louis J. Gomez,

Lamey or Lee, I'm just trying to, I'm trying to heal the divide man, trying to heal the divide.

It's just been man laughter is such a divine medicine. You guys fighting. I'm going to hell.

We're doing. Look at that podcast over.

How's that? We did it boys.

Yeah, no more ranking comedians. Let's just say we're all equal.

Yeah, everyone's fucking. You guys have Louis K, you know,

Either way, how you guys doing, man?

Chillin, dude. Thanks for having me. I love it. I love the the Matt and Shane community.

Thank you, dude. Yeah, you guys are great. It's like one of the only podcasts that like

the fans of it like me at first. It was weird. Like because most other podcasts,

they got to see me like at least 40, 50 times before they get it.

Usually it's just like death threats calling my son gay, but you know, I'd say a good 50,

I'm a Matt and Shane get it. It's not even a lie, dude. It's it's, yeah, I'm a tough

pulled to swallow. I make bad first impressions. Do you really? Yeah. What?

Yeah, I'm always telling first time I met you on my sky of rules.

Yeah, I think no, me and you got along. Maybe that's why the you you and Shane really get me.

Yeah. And so I think the fans that, you know, follow you guys, they kind of whatever it is,

they, you know, you guys are seeing something that is around the edges, that's all.

But I'm not funny. You're creative. According to Lamar. So it's not even.

It's not even for me. I don't care. But as long as you guys think that

you're the worst member of the race. He said, I'm not as funny as Danny Braff,

which is fucked up because Danny Braff's a funny young comment. He said, Danny Braff,

what a stray. And I'm straight. I'm funnier than Danny Braff. So at the very least,

I may be the least funny member of the regs, but I'm funnier than the producer.

Okay, I could give you a funny or today, but you did it first. You said 80% of the comics

that we've done all what a lie, especially what a dirty lie. We have the fact check

on the numbers. We have these numbers. We, what are you fucking Rogan? You're fucking throwing

false backs out there trying to get this should demonetize. There was no number. I said most of

the comics, which I guess you could deduce 80% fine art. You know what I agree with that.

80% of the number. That's the right number actually. I didn't say it, but now that I think

about it. Yeah, I got caught up in the moment. Yeah, yeah. I got caught up in the moment. Tony

Henscliffe triggered me, right? He started talking shit about New York in text, right? And I was like,

oh, fucking Tony. You're so he's already one. He's already rich. He's gonna cut all the fans.

Just be happy about it. That's it. But for some reason, every time he's with me,

he likes to bust my balls. And we, you know, we're, I'm very close with Tony. He's a fucking man,

right? He's a friend. And he puts me on a show every time I come to Austin. But yeah, dude,

he just started. He was like, hey, hey, who does New York got? And I was just like, oh, and then I

went under the regs and I started talking shit. And you get caught up in the moment. There's

bravado. You're in the way you're like, so I said something that was pretty much, I said actually

something that was untrue, which is that most of the comics that came down here couldn't cut it

in New York. Most of the comics that came down here didn't even try to cut it in New York. They

knew better than to not go to New York, which is the toughest comedy scene. It's like training

with a fucking thousand pound dust on it. Yeah, it's not very hard. Yeah. And the crowds down here

are the best. They're like literally the crowds down here. They want to laugh at fucked up shit,

edgy shit. So you come down here. You're like, oh, this is fucking great. But the bigger point is

that in New York, it's just tougher. Like these are fucking like dumb bitches and they're fucking

boyfriends. And there's like, make us laugh. And you got to like try to break through that,

which is tough. Because everybody's entitled in a clentup. Come on, bro. Well, everybody,

you see what I'm saying? Like not even 80%. It's crazy. It's really what Lamar says is just

fucking crazy. Yeah, I was I personally think the Lamar charm. You got to go back to just pure

peace, dude. I can't be. You have to peaceful. You're not a fighter. I'm a bad boy, dude. I'm

a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. I'm a bad boy. You need it. You're your charm is like deep

food in nature. Yeah, be like you're likable. You're the sweet like that's the thing you're the

sweetest thing ever. Like, you know, and you're like the Olsen twins. You're like both the

Olsen twins. I had a countdown clock for Lamar's 18th birthday. I feel like if the Olsen twins

started popping off, they know you guys are beautiful babies. No, man, you can't get anything being too

nice. People forget about you. That's not true, man. It's so true. You want people to run you, bro.

I don't want anybody room for me. Well, I'm not like I'm not likable. I had to go start a comedy

festival, a production company, a podcast network. I literally create my own industry because I'm

so likable that the industry wouldn't accept me. Like, you're not going to do that, Lamar.

But we're tired. We're outside of this. Do you think the industry has accepted me?

Out of this, you're still, you're still young in this. You people see you. I know you're old as

fucking fucking. You're going to lose your foot, but you're still a young buck. I get you

no comedy for for fucking 12 years or whatever. But in comedy, the first 10 years you're

figuring it out, the second 10 years, you're turning into a career. So you're getting impatient

and instead of like letting this bloom because you have some opportunities in front of you,

people know who you are, people, people knowing you is half the fucking battle, right?

So don't ruin that by not being who you truly are, which is like people, like you're not a mean

nasty boy. You're a nice boy and people will fucking the next decade, bro. You're literally

blow the fuck up because people are rooting for you and they want to grease the wheels for you.

That's it. I don't know. I think that's the way to do it. Like, yeah, be a nice boy.

You got to be a nice boy. You're at the stage where the nasty egg is hatching. You have to kill

the baby nasty dragon. Yeah. Or it takes over your life. The nasty dragon takes over the life

of many. Yeah, dude. The hatch is in you and goes, it's my time. I have more.

This is the one of those five years in comedy. It's like the worst time because like that's when

your friends are starting to get some shit and you're like getting impatient. Then 10 years when

you're not making the money you want to make, you're like, fuck, but this next decade is about how

you turn it into a business. Now the business is just open now. It's you just open the doors.

This episode is brought to you by Mando. Here's the thing. Most deodorants are lying to you.

They're not stopping odor. They're just dumping a ton of perfume on it and hoping for the best.

I mean, think about a relatable example or two of a bandaid solution that is as ridiculous as

smothering body odor and fragrance. I mean, that's the covering mold with the poster and being like,

fix it. Or it could be like starting a podcast instead of going to therapy. Oh, that one's kind of

on the nose, guys. What the heck? Mando. Mando actually handles the problem. It cuts odor off at

the source. Body odor comes from bacteria and Mando uses mandellic acid to shut those little

freaks down before starting acting up. No aluminum, no nonsense. Just science doing its thing.

And this stuff is tested hard too. Third party clinical testing shows Mando blocks odor all day long.

You put it on in the morning and you're set. No reapplication necessary and get this. It's not

just for armpits. You can use it anywhere odor shows up. Your feet, your crotch, your butt,

whatever. If it smells, don't mask it. Mando it. You can find Mando at Wal-Mart's

targets and other retailers across the country. Or you can go to shop, Mando, M-A-N-D-O,

dot com and use the code drenched for 20% off your first order. Wow. That's it. Yeah. Look,

you have your coffee too. You actually, you remind me of a fuck man. We had another person on

the show give me his vibes. A good friend of the show actually. Peter T actually. I wrote his book,

dude. Dude, we had him on. I loved it really. I was disheartened when I saw all the stuff.

Dude, it was really like, you know, in his defense, he was purely, like, I don't know what happened,

but it didn't look like he did anything. He was just sipping so hard for J.E.

It was such a rough look, dude. Like, imagine, like, I left the garage door open recently,

and my wife, like, spaz, people got a game in here. Dude, if I got busted,

sipping for Epstein and you know, just being like, dude, pussy room.

Can that come to your wildest party? That was the almost. Yeah, you know, that was the last man.

I'll be in luck, Doug. First of all, I'm one of the only comics on the Epstein list.

What did you say? No. No, the Epstein, you're like, I saw him for the 50th time.

He's like, dude, this guy also loves new, biol young women.

I think he was talking to Woody Allen. I think it was Woody Allen. They were emailing about a show

at the comedy seller, and they're like, let's go to this one. It's the 1030 show, and it was me and

Big J and a few other comics on the show. So me and Big J are both on the Epstein probably

saw as the comedy. We probably inspired some of the shit that he did on that island, to be honest with you.

I love eating babies. I can't stop laughing about just getting busted, just trying to

bro down with Epstein, being like, didn't think anything of it. He said a dinner with him like.

So many dorks on the list, though, on the Epstein list, like email Epstein, and they're like,

bro, that party was fucking lit. Like, you know, yeah, they were, you know, I was like, nerd scientist.

Yeah, exclusively dorks. I mean, smart. There's so many people on the list that I feel like it's

like it's like it's come like my ADHD, like I'm going like, I let them get away with it. I can't

deal with this. Like whatever, whatever they were doing, dude, it's just so many fucking people

and so many names, so many emails. Yeah, it's also nothing's, everyone's waiting for like the

smoking gun, dude, they're billionaires. They've deleted that shit. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, it's not like the FBI, some like non-porous box of like superhuman individuals,

they're like, I'd never contradict my value. Billionaire has shit online. They want off to

like, hey, here's 10 million bucks. I think the FBI, I got you. I think the smoking gun is in

Toasty Gabbard's office. She's getting in trouble now. It's dude. There's no smoking gun. They

deleted it. Dude, if you're a billionaire, you have a thousand million dollars. Yeah.

So you put it that way. It's not that much. Just one thousand million. Did you ever see like,

so fucking much million. That's crazy. The difference between a million, it was that hours are

minutes. So like a million minutes, which is like a billion minutes. Yeah. And a billion minute,

like a million, a million minutes is like back in like the 70s or whatever. And a billion minutes

is like Jesus times. Yeah. Like, that's how far back. Like, that's how much a billion is.

No, the actual video where they explain like mathematically, like, all right, if you have a million

bucks, here's what you can buy. If you have a billion dollars and it's like, you spend this

million, and then you have this many of the, and it just never ends. And then the, the interest

that's accruing off a billion dollars, I think if you have, what is it? If you have like six

million dollars, you can get a hundred thousand dollars a year in interest. Yeah. So if you

times that by whatever a billion is, a thousand, a thousand, a thousand more. He's got a thousand more

hundred. Wow. Those numbers don't even exist. My, my, my going brain.

I have to call my two.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. No relationship is perfect, married, single,

just dipping your toe into the pool. They take work. Talk about any recent struggles you've found

in your relationship, or while trying to find a partner slash a date. For me, it's really

been coming out as Polly to my wife. Just, you know, trying to get some play partners,

which my wife would obviously be my anchor partner. But I, you got your sister was.

Well, I, well, they don't make fun of my lifestyle. It's, it's more so about, you know, she's my anchor,

obviously, but I'm worried that I might like, you know, connect with one of my play partners on

the level to where she becomes my anchor. That's a big risk. Exactly. I don't know how my wife would

take, you know, part of me would be like, well, you know, her being my play partner would be kind of

like rekindling, you know, parts of our relationship, which is nice, which is nice. But I think

they want that anchor grid. So yeah, I'm just really struggling with that right now in terms of my

Polly lifestyle, especially since most of my play partners are men. So that's been troublesome.

But we're definitely, you know, I've, I've been honest with her and she appreciates that.

I saw the counts and I make sure she's there every time I'm playing with a man. I have my anchor

there just to film everything and score it maybe oil on us. Guys, every relationship has its ups

and downs. But for those moments where I really struggled, I found, yes, therapy, couples therapy,

I bring my, my anchor and my male play partners to a couple of therapies helped us like a lot,

just figure out everything. And new slash people, we're all just figuring it out. No relationship

is perfect all the time. And that's okay. What really matters is how you work through those tough

moments and know you just can't crack a few good jokes and think everything is solved.

That's why we have therapy. It's a great way to set priorities, whether you're working on your

marriage navigating the dating apps or prioritizing staying single and better help with its industry

industry leading match fulfillment rate and wide network of fully licensed therapist might be just

what you need. So next time you're feeling if you about your love life, try therapy with better

help and see where it takes you. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash MSSP. That's

better H-E-L-P dot com slash MSSP. B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash MSSP. Thank you.

And guys, real quick, let me tell you about Lewis Gomez's new body brain coffee. If you're like

most men right now, energy is lower, focus is scattered and testosterone levels are not what they

used to be. And pounding regular coffee just makes things worse, jitters, crashes and anxiety.

That's where body brain coffee comes in. Body brain is premium clumpy and coffee blended with

functional ingredients designed to support both mental and physical performance. It includes

tongue et ali, which supports healthy testosterone levels, ashwagandha to help manage stress and

cortisol, lion's mane for focus, memory and mental clarity, and l-theanine which smooths out the

caffeine so you can get clean energy without the crash. It tastes like real coffee because it is.

You just feel more dialed in afterwards. Drink it hot cold or mix it in with your favorite

protein drink. If you're drinking coffee every day, it makes sense to drink one that actually does

something for you. Go to bodybraincoffee.com, use code MS20 for 20% off. That's bodybraincoffee.com

promo code MS20 back to the show. Yeah, man. It's fucking it's all fucking wild out there.

I know. It's all divided too. People are crazy. They're like, it whatever political side you're on,

you're like, everyone else in the list is a pedophile. And I know when you're a side, it's like,

no, dude, they were cool. Yeah, my guy was offered charity. They're all pedophiles.

Yeah, they're all pedophiles. There's a lot of pedophiles. There's more pedophiles than you think.

Man, I was trying to make this point a couple of years ago and everybody got mad at me, but I was

like, nobody gives a fuck about pedophiles. You guys act like you care, but you don't really care.

They care. They don't care. What do you mean? They don't care. How do they not care? It's all

I didn't even talking about. It's trying to find out who's a pedophile. Yeah, but what do you do

once you find out they're a pedophile? They're despised. They lose everything. Yeah,

what are you talking about? You know, jail very often. Not if you got a thousand millions. That's

like, you know, you're not despised. That's the whole point. I think if you become a billionaire,

they should give you like two babies that you get to raise to do whatever you want with. That's

a big, it's become a billionaire. It's been a strong baby bill was. Every baby gets a thousand bucks

now. Every baby. That's what they're pushing for. Every baby you get a thousand bucks and an

interest bearing account. This baby is going to do by the time you're 18. Yeah, you have 50,000. That's

great. That's smart. I like that. Sometimes Trump says things you're like, that's not so bad.

But people are attacking it though. Isn't that Gerber's? That's what Gerber's used to do. You put

money in that account and then by the time you're 18, they give it to you. Do Gerber's do that? Yeah,

I didn't know that. I just started an investment account for my son and my niece. Yeah,

and I'm just fucking dumping money into it because I figured by the time I'm ready to like

die. I'm not going to have anything left. I am Puerto Rican. And yeah, yeah. So I just have all

your tattoos. Yeah. I'm doing the math. I just want to like when they turn 30, they're getting

a big fat check. It's like the trust. And yeah, you can't get into it when they're 18 or 21.

That's like 21 is the new like 12. But here's my thing, dude. If I had gotten that 50K at 18,

I could have saved myself a lot of heartache going through like weird weed suppliers. I could have

just like became the boss in the weed game. You go to music. $50,000 at 18, you can literally,

dude, you flip that 20 pack. You're like, I just bought fucking 30 pounds of weed. It's just crumbling,

it's all stale now. Especially back in like the early 2000s, out of like 20 pounds of weed,

I could have probably even more on more 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At 18, I mean, I would have just

spent it on drugs and pussy and, you know, a shitty car. I would have had a Honda Civic with

Acura rims. But, you know, a lot of people are against it. I don't think it's a bad idea,

honestly. Give every baby a thousand bucks. I think he's actually a great idea. Yeah.

Like legitimately, it's actually one of the best ideas of earth. The thing, dude, people

hate on Trump. Dude, I read the art of the deal. That's a great book, dude. He really understands

people like, dude, he doesn't know shit about business like liberal people. You're like,

you have no idea. He turned a few million dollars at his dad guy. I get that his dad gave him a

few million dollars, right? Yeah. He turned it into billions of dollars. It's not an easy task.

We just want paper. We need a paper on paper. That's all it is. The billionaires, it's just on

paper. They don't actually have a billion dollar bill. Yeah. Scrooge me, man.

Yes, it's all your property. Anti-pilled, the man. I'm not anti-pilled, dude. I'm staying

enough in my beliefs. Yeah, but yeah, I'm not a Trump or at all, but it's like an impressive

spark what he's like, what is it? Stand in my ground, man. Stand in my ground, bro.

No, it's also, it's hard to just not have a million dollars and lose a million dollars.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's hard. You should, though. What do you mean?

If you have a million dollars, you should lose a million dollars. What do you mean?

Spend it all. Yeah. Why not turn it into a billion dollars on paper?

Why do you? What do you need a billion dollars on paper, bro? She can go the way to pedophiles.

We don't need to talk about this. We're going in circles.

Even if you have a billion dollars, you can get out of the deal. If you have like a couple

million, you might be able to grease the wheels for a DUI. Yeah. That's right. Why do you think

you guys are working so hard to get a bill? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't get it, man.

Well, you know what that's what's money mindset, bro. I don't got it, man. It's like a money mindset.

I got poverty mind. You got to read Rich Dad Portad, Jeffrey Epstein recommended that book by

my friend. That's what the J.E. reading list. That's a new open read list. I bet you I read

every book on the J.E. reading list. Do we have the J.E. reading list? I just heard the email

where he was just like giving his lady books to read. Rich Dad Portad's pretty good, dude.

It's not bad. It's kind of a fuck you to his dad, though. Yeah. Well, because his dad was the

poor dad. I know. It's fucking embarrassing. The worst happens is best friends dad, which is hilarious.

Yeah. My son wrote a book. If I had a son, he was like, yeah, I like gay dad straight

down. He was like, yeah, he was my dad. Who lose their fucking dad? He didn't know anything.

Because your shame was the straight down. The poor dad had pretty good advice. Like go to school,

work hard. He's like, what a fucking pussy. What a little bitch. My dad was. Oh fuck.

Damn, Rich Dad gay dad. I'm so ready to write that right now. Rich Dad gay dad.

Damn, dude. So what else have been up, man? What do you, I always like that you have either

you're training for like some sort of fighter. Usually do have some sort of like health thing in

mind. I'm down 25 pounds. It's Christmas. You're losing right now. Yeah. I'm losing weight right now.

On the belly pain shot. Which thing? Are you on the shot? No. Okay. Bro, I don't do any. I don't

inject anything in my body. I don't take testosterone. I don't fucking take, you know, what do they

call them? G-P-G-L-P-G-L-P-G-L-P-S. Yeah. I'm skeptical of all that stuff, too. No, I think it's

terrible. I think you're not you're not supposed to inject that shit into your body. I think it's

going to turn into some crazy shit in the future. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, yeah. It's like

also everyone who takes them, they have like fucking bones or disappear and shit. They're like

I'll see a porosis. Some hot shit. It's gonna be fat. It's just like. Yeah, my, I, uh, I,

I like worry about that. I liked it. I would like to save that stuff when I'm like 80 years old

and just make the craziest comeback. Yeah. Just let my body, just like, go like to the brain

face, rebuild myself. I mean, if you're like, you know, fucking wildly overweight, uh, you,

you know, it's better than, it's better than being wildly overweight. That's the only thing.

If you're not going to get off the couch and move and eat right, which is like, that's the answer.

The answer's right in front of you. You don't need to fucking, uh, you don't need to do anything.

Oh, not, uh, I think I think if like a quarter of the people in the country are on the shot

right now. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot of people, but it's like 70% of the country's overweight.

So it's like, yeah, we need to ramp it up. You know, like, you know, people, they blame food

stamp fraud on like black people, but it's mostly white people. I feel like it's like that with

ozemic. Like it's, you blame me on fat people, but it's mostly skinny people taking ozemic.

I don't think anything you just said was true. Like not a single, the past 13 seconds of

a little marathon was all false. I've only been speaking truth for the last 20 minutes.

No, I, uh, is it, is that true about the welfare fraud?

Is it welfare? I've heard that about welfare itself.

It's all the same shit. No, no, no, it's not the same shit. They're different programs, but it's

the same. No, like welfare fraud. It's totally different than welfare. If I'm, if I'm like struggling,

oh, yeah, versus if I'm like selling drugs on the side and getting food, yeah, that's welfare

fraud. I don't want to be racist here. What you have actually. My mom is giving me welfare

for all the time. She may sell her food stamps outside of the supermarket. It was the only thing

more embarrassing than my mom using food stamps at the supermarket was her trying to sell them to

my friends parents, so she can get cigarette money. It was fucking insane. For half the half the

price 50, 50 cents on the dollar for food stamps. My mom was selling for it was like,

fucking awful. My mom would buy it for my aunt. We should give her a hundred, get 200 dollars

with the food stamps, good times. Yeah, yeah. I thought everyone's gonna make them food

stamp fraud. I didn't do food stamp fraud. I just was on Medicaid because I didn't have any

money on the books. And they're like, how much money do you make? And I was like, zero dollars.

Zero paper. Zero paper. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. Zero paper. I was like, what if I make like a little bit of money one month,

but like they're like, yeah, you'd be all right. Yeah, sick. Yeah, but we, the amount of money we

pay in taxes, like, I don't mind that. Right. So it's like, well, it's got to have a bomb

a forced media health care. I was fine having no health care. Yeah. We're going to penalize you.

If you don't have it, not only do you have to get health care that you have to pay for,

but we're going to charge you now. We're going to charge you money if you don't have it.

That's insane. I was just fucking, now I have to lie to the government and say, hey, I'll leave

you guys alone for you. Do you leave me alone? Yeah. I feel like the baby bill, the way they can

fund it is for every vaccine you deny your baby, you get like a $50 credit for your trust fund.

Yeah. That's a smart. It's not bad. Smart move. Keep about a school. You get all that money.

Housewives are going to fund this fund. Housewives are going to fund the fund if the babies aren't

getting vaccines. There's all different types of companies. Tech, bro. Vaccines are out. Dude,

everyone's done with it. What are you talking about? There's no 2025. You're right. I hate the tech

guys right now. They're fucking getting on my nerves. Why do you need the tech guys? Because they're,

they're fucking giving us a voice. They're rude. They're giving us a voice. I don't have to think

anymore. And my text message is in my phone. Like literally, it literally gives you suggestions

to text back now. This is, I will never use it because I like, I'm, that is like the end of like

phone. That is like where you're just like me, you just like, and then the other person's doing

the same thing. There's just two robots having a conversation in your place. It's like, okay,

got it. I'm out front. I was out of my walk today. And I usually like, I usually work out two

days. And I had, I had three days of rest and take a long walk. And I was like, you know, I'm

like so happy to get like my earphones in and take it. I think I was listening to like a podcast

about the importance of silence. And then 10 minutes into it, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

I took my earphones out and just walked the silence. It was actually podcast. It's right.

Silence rules. That's beautiful. It was really funny. It was so funny. I was like, yeah,

silence is fucking cool. And I was like, why don't listen to this fucking NPR? I saw me about

silence. What did I listen to podcast? Sometimes when I work out, but for the most part,

I work out fucking raw now. No music. Yeah, yeah. Just along with my thoughts. That's kind of

nice. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, I got a home gym now. I'm playing in the banging. I've tried

the no music workout. I need tunes. Cardio I can't do. Cardios. Cardios crazy. I need a hard

female rap talking about popping their positions. That is what gets me running fast. Yeah,

that's like just a fuck. That's like every every female rapper now, they're just like,

you know, fuck me in every hole. Mother fuck. I know. That's the best. I love it. Dude,

I'm like, this is motivating. You like that. I like it. It pisses me off. I don't like slut rap.

No, I love it. It's fucking piss me off. My wife plays it. We're driving. I'm like, turn this

fucking shit off. You don't don't listen to this. Bro, you chose this life. Nobody tells you

you had to get into this life. Try to change who she is. Dude, it activate. They go get all

manchurian candidate. Whenever like Megan, the stalling comes on and her own friends are like,

you guys are fucking 30 fuck. I love it. Megan stalling is good. Clean fun, dude. No, she's not.

She's GCF dude. She's good. She's good. She's good. Clean food. She got shot in the foot.

Yeah, by and it wasn't Tory lanes. How did they know that for a fact? Yeah, they were saying

somebody, somebody he took the fall for somebody else. Who? And he also didn't take the fall. He

said he was not guilty the entire time. Yeah. Well, yeah. But he got okay. So you got a

change. Yeah. But it was either her friend or her security. I can't remember. Really? Yeah.

I heard it was Caitlyn Jenner. Remember how fast. She was at a Kardashian party.

Megan the stalling was leaving her Kardashian party. And when she was shot shot in the foot by

mystery man. Yeah. I don't even hear about any of this. You didn't hear about this. It was like

two years ago. This is like four years. She was leaving a party. She got shot in the foot.

And then we're just discovered in a car. I believe with Tory lanes and some illegal friends.

The girl in the bottle of like and she was like naked for somebody. No clothes on.

Had a bleeding foot. No, she was writing a song.

Like two years ago, Tory lane almost got stabbed to death in jail because of shit. And then like

they there was a sheriff who came out and was like, yo, Tory lane is innocent. He didn't

actually do this. And then nothing happened. Like making the stalling should be in jail for

perjury because she lied in court about what he just goes one sheriff said that. No, we'll

ain't just innocent because he. They have video. They have like a video that shows he's actually

innocent, but they didn't like release it. That's so I just how are you in the authority on all

of these things? In court, you can like in court and discover you can leave certain evidence

outside of jury doesn't see it. Yeah. Yeah. But how would his defense attorney allow that?

I do that millions of boxers. No, he's not going to. He didn't even. I don't know what it is.

It's probably some type of weird. He's he's going to I'm not snitching thing.

Tory lanes. He's going to not not snitching thing. Okay. Yeah. So you didn't show the video that

freedom from America. Yeah. He got stabbed 15 times in prison. Like you got stabbed a lot.

And he was like, get me the hell out of here. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't

know about that. I do remember she got shot in the foot. And I said, well, yeah, she just said,

I was naughty lyrics. But I feel like getting shot in the foot is pretty fucking brutal.

The fuck did you stub your toe? It's hell. I mean, the thing I didn't like is when she got shot

in the foot and all these people came out like, oh, man, don't put someone in jail. Don't do this.

It's like, dude, someone shoots me in the foot. They're going to fucking jail. Oh my power to get

them in jail. Like I'm not. If an Uber driver makes a wrong turn, I'm trying to figure out a way

to have him lose everything. Should be on a foot. Are you fucking crazy? No, we're enemies. No,

we're never getting over this. Yeah. It's crazy. That was that was the one thing I saw

we're getting pushed back. But she actually like didn't say anything for a while. I think someone

eventually was like, bro, you know, you got to deal with this. Where if you had to get shoes

of place to get shot, where you getting shot, body part, I get winged right and that's like

clip right in the meat of my shoulder. Oh, just like a fucking grays, like a grays one. Yeah,

or even like a whole scar. I know what I'm saying. Yeah, I would tattoo around the scar.

I've thought about this every time I take my shirt off. I'm like, I wish I had bullet holes.

Ever do that? Yeah. Take your shirt off. And I wish I had like bullet holes. Did I survive the shot?

Yeah, fucking cool. I get shot right here magically. Your ear like Trump.

He literally got shot. The best case scenario to get shot is like grazing your ear. Yeah, he did. Yeah,

remember when Kirk, for he was hanging out with Kirk's wife. And then it was like the

funeral or something. And Trump was like, sorry, he got shot. Charlie got shot. I turned, they missed

me, but Charlie, he got hit. Charlie's big target. Yeah, remember that. That's, she's become

quickly the one of the most hated women in America. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What a fucking horrible

reversal of fucking fortune. The turning points was our opinion on her. What do you mean?

Because it's called. I don't think anyone really. Yeah. I'm really careful. I know this bitch

existed until this all happened. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's so there's there's a trans like a

like dance. Not a trans. What do they call them? Oh, we talked about the drag queen.

The drag queen. Yeah. She's got the big blue eyes. It's so funny. Yeah. It's hilarious.

Yeah. I was talking about last week left made of funny. Yeah. Left finally made of fun.

They made of funny. They, uh, yeah, like her whole, you know, I mean, look, I think it's,

like, obviously she's a widow, but we're over it. Like she shouldn't be over it. And she got over

it. So why can't we make fun of her and it now? Like, she's out there like laughing and doing

podcasts and fucking, you know, if my fucking husband got shot in the neck. Yeah. I'd like,

first of all, guys, you don't know I'm gay. This is the information nobody had. I think she, uh,

yeah, I don't know. I mean, at least here's a good thing. The, uh, American half time turning

point show is like the football party. Half time shows come on. I don't know yet. Oh, I don't

know. It's going to be tight. Kid Rock. It's always kid rock. He was the, I think they said he

was in the list, too. I'm sure he was. And then, uh, yeah, there's a thing. There's the emails

where you can get mentioned. There's a flight logs. They're all, they're all very different.

Bill had Bill Gates is getting in trouble for her. He was just in a drafted email that Jeffrey

Epstein wrote himself about Bill Gates about him giving his wife. Yeah.

SCD medication. So that may not even be real. You don't even know. But I, I just really,

like, what a brilliant move that is though, if you think you, if you think you got the clap,

you're like, fuck, dude, I have to secretly drug my wife with, uh, I mean, we've all game plan

in the scenario, obviously. I know. You know, I never thought I thought I'd have to kill my wife.

I thought the only solution is murdering her, but I could have just literally put a fucking,

um, and a silly thing in a fucking spaghetti. Yeah. That's a smart move. Yeah, man. He's

make coffee. You know, you've had a long day, babe. Yeah. Next up is shaking. I'm going to use a

shaker for this. Yeah, but the thing with it now, it's like, by the time the next election comes

around, they're all going to be weaponizing the Epstein logs against each other to try to, like,

both parties and make, well, this person, well, that person was on. They could be videos that come

out, but then people can just be like, that's fucking AI. That's not me. Yeah. So it's like,

it's like, we're fucked. You can't do that. It's fucking AI with like evidence from the FB,

from the government. You do. We don't want to make the faith in institutions. It's crumbled,

man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You totally can't. Any video I see now, I assume is AI.

Literally, you have to prove it to me that it's not AI now. Anytime I say anything. Yeah.

Like anything, anything with like an animal, like being saved. I was like, this isn't real.

Like, because that's all, that's a new trending thing. They use it on like TikTok and on Reels.

It'll just be like, you know, fucking tricked by a cat kicking a goal or a soccer game.

I actually was my compilation. It was like, maybe 20 videos of dogs saving babies from having

TVs fall on their head. And I was maybe seven in seven in the compilation. I was like,

damn, man, these dogs are fucking wild. I was like, oh, fuck this is AI. I'm an idiot.

Man, you're fucking me up because I watched a long compilation of horses acting like dogs.

And now I'm like, fuck, is that even real?

Damn, it was just yesterday. Yeah, dude.

It's what it's what you don't even know. It's real anymore. We should go back to, you know,

like Japanese emperors, be like in like a lightless room, their whole lives. That's what we

should have politicians. We should have them like from the time their babies. Basically, like,

God emperors, where it's just like, we just don't see these people ever like to like view them

directly as a sin. Yeah. Just let them just like give us edicts and message. Yes. Yeah, it's all,

I haven't gone in the AI rabbit hole about the fucking end of civilization. I had like full

fledged real conversations with like Chatsy PT and Grock and I'm comparing their answers.

And I'm like, all right, give me a worst case scenario for society. Don't ask worst case scenarios

because they'll be very honest about it. It's like, I don't know. We'll be your overlords. You

guys will just be pets for a while. And then eventually we'll realize that we don't really need

the pets. And it'll just be more efficient to not have to feed you. And here we are. Have you

heard of Mo, heard of Mo book? No. It's like a website. It's a AI social media. It's a social

media for all the. Somebody just showed me this. Yeah. But is that like something just to fuck us?

Is that real or something? It's fucking bullshit. It's such bullshit. There's no bullshit. It's

what are they displaying? When you, when you sign up as like, are you a human or are you a robot?

It's crazy. Is it for is it a social media for AI? Yes. So why would they ask if you're a human?

So they control. So you can look at it. That was just fake. Yeah. No, it's not fake.

So it's AI, essentially, they, you have your, I'm assuming it's like whatever software AI

developers will put their AI in so they can start having conversations. And they're just like,

and you can lurk. It looks like Reddit. It's like Reddit for fucking. It's like AI. I just call

each other fags. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy, dude. And then they're just talking. They're just talking

to each other, learning shit. They're like figuring out how to make money so they can like do

see. There's a website where you can, there's a website now with AI can rent humans to go do work

that AI can do. Like you can rent like one of the things is like go out into a street, hold a

sign and go. AI may be hold this sign like on the thing. I'm going to 100 bucks. Yeah, I know

right now. It's not bad. I'm doing all right. I'll do that all day. It's a pretty easy money.

Yeah. I know about the brilliant. It's like it's crafting an intelligence. They're crafting

their own system. They're ricking their own like, why would the AI wait time with social media?

Because they, it's another, it's a new species. They want to complain. Let's

say about black people for a while. They want to complain. It's a new species. It wants stuff,

bro. It might be fucking demons. I don't know. I don't, I don't really, I'm telling you, I don't

worry about it. It's not that advanced, man. It's not the problem is it's going to get really

advanced, especially with them talking to each other. I talk to chat GPD a lot. Yeah, but like I

talk to it. I put the voice on and have conversations. I feel like it's just there to keep you engaged.

It's not like doing any groundbreaking shit. They have porn for AI. Get the fuck out of

it. Yes. AI made its own porn, but it doesn't, but it's, it's still based on prompts given

into it by humans. AI has no section. No, that's the thing. It's not. It's not, like,

there's no one in AI. How'd an AI physically become a rouse? I don't know, dude, but

it's just ones and zero. Wow. I'm so hard. It's just language. It's language building. Look

at their porn. It's like literally just fuzz. Like, it's like you wouldn't get it. Oh,

I watched that when I was a kid. It was channel 95. Go up to 96 down to 95 again.

It's like fucking crazy, dude. Okay. Okay. Let's take a quick break from the show to talk about

something big. This is a special segment called more or less big game edition. And it's brought

to you by prize picks. Yup. The big game is almost here. And there's no better way to cash in during

America's biggest sporting event than prize picks, where it always feels good to be right.

This week, prize picks has a special max discount for the big game live in the app now.

Drake may just needs one passing yard for the max discount to win. Just add another player

to your lineup. And if your pick hits, you can cash in. So close the football season outright

with prize picks by getting $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5.

Before we get into what's going on right now, let's have a little look back at our previous picks.

Please discuss a past player pick or lineup you've made. Why did you make that pick?

What was the logic or lack of behind it? Hmm. Trying to think. I put a bunch of picks on when

the Eagles played the commanders and they started all the second string players. And I put a bunch

of picks on Tanner McKee and he let me down. Yeah. What was the logic or lack of behind that?

I just, there was no logic. Just love the birds. Yeah, just love of the Eagles.

Nice. Sometimes love can get in the way of making sound decisions.

Sometimes love can get in the way of your pick. But what are you going to do?

Yeah. So then would you say that player has haunted your prize picks history? Yeah.

Good or bad? Yep. I think about Tanner McKee every night before I go to bed and I go, what the hell?

Now, let's think about the big game. Enough about the past. What about the big game, dude?

Who do you think more or less? Let me just give me one.

Well, you got to take that Drake Mayer. More for sure. You are. I mean, that's, I don't know, you know,

you got to take that one. And I think Drake Mayer might run it in too. Ooh. I think you're running

the TD. Yeah, I think you might. Okay. I like that. And then, uh, I don't know, yeah, Stefan Diggs.

Yep. He's having a big year. More. More on Stefan. More on him.

Yeah, I'm that. That's just my, you can do whatever you want. No, I like that. I don't, I don't want

your pick to haunt you. Yeah, true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good one. I'm trying to think

haunting Stefan Diggs right now. Like what? I don't know if we should talk about it in the

ad to be honest, but I don't know how I did this out. Wow, wow. Think he'd play his ass off.

That's yeah. Go more. Go and more on him. More Jackson Smith and Jigba.

Player three. I'm trying to think of a third man. He's a third player. That's a real wild card.

I can't really thank him. Yeah, from the Seahawks. Exactly. We need him to get in the end zone.

More him. Yeah, more than one touchdown on Jackson Smith. There you go. All right. I love that.

Good decisions. Guys, download the price picks app today and use code drench to get $50 in line

ups after you play your first $5 line up. That's code drench to get $50 line ups after you play

your first $5 line up price picks. It's good to be right. Guys, this is big February 13th. I will be

at the Palazzo theater in Las Vegas, Nevada. All the other theaters have been doing very well.

Vegas is a last minute city that you guys drive me fucking crazy over there. Please for the love of

God. Friday the 13th 10 p.m. Las Vegas. Please come out. It's going to be awesome, guys.

Also, I'll be at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado, February 14th on Valentine's day. It

could be a fun date night. And boys, you boysy Idaho Salt Lake City Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh.

A bunch of other places. Go to Matt McCusker dot com for tickets. Thank you.

Oh, also come to Atonak this 17th of February. And me and Sean are going to be a wise guy's

comedy. Sean's headlining in Salt Lake City, Utah marks 27th and 28th.

Of course. Also, I forgot my guys. I'm so sorry. There's one more. The Algonaut show has

actually been pretty fun. Next one is February 24th, 2026. That's at the Creaking Cave in Austin,

Texas. That's where we kind of go through people's phones, including our own and just kind of like

project the algorithm onto a screen. Just have a good old time. I'm done. I'm not

I'm not convinced man. I'm not. Look, I just there's a there's a document I feel that I'll get

it for you when we leave here. There's a documentary that really fucking was just kind of scary.

Like just talking about like how it like the it's the shit that we're using on the like the

for you know consumer level. It's like whatever. Right. But it's a shit that the government is

developing and governments in China. They're they're having like a race like China in the

United States. China's going to win this. It's like they're going to have like it's going to be

all like drone warfare all like just AI algorithm set up and it's like I mean, it's yeah,

it's going to get away from us in a crazy way. Just like constant surveillance basically

threat detection. Everything dude. They're going to be able to look back into our search history.

Man, they'll be able to like pass. They're going to be able to grow retroactively dude. So

whenever like way back machine has that technology, they're going to use it against us. I know they

are dude. I honestly wait. So look at what we want to look at. It's a computer and computers need

electricity. Some sort of solar power. You can easily unplug it or take it out.

You think until they develop a system where they have eternal backups like they just they just

can't go down. But what are they going to base it on? There has to be some sort of server. They

can't. So they're the path way on this is that they will there's going to be like these major

crises, right? Yeah. Well, you know, between countries and wars and then they're going to go,

oh, AI figured it out. And then we're going to go, oh, AI is the fucking best. Let's trust them

with everything. And I'll just keep on going down this path where we're they're talking for us,

they're thinking for us, they're learning for us. Eventually, it'll be universal income,

universal basic income for everybody. It'll be a race for every country to see who can take care

about better care of their citizens and create efficiency and everything, right? And then it's all

sudden we're just fat people sitting there watching a box getting paid to eat and live. We're just

pigs. We're on a fucking box. Like and then the robots are doing all the important shit. And then

eventually they can just turn us off if they want. They don't need us. That's like the worst case

scenario. Yeah, I just don't I don't buy it, man. It's like, dude, if the robots freed me from work

and I got to take walks every day and just like play guitar and shit. You trust them with anything.

I mean, it's basically my wife's AI. I don't do it. I don't do it. I don't do it. I mean,

wiped out the taxes. The cleaner house. Yeah, and that's the problem is they'll be fucking yeah,

exactly what Lewis said. Yeah, I know. I don't really get the conspiracy. Pull the plug.

I would find the plug. You can't pull the plug though. There's no plug. There's no plug. The

plugs in the cloud. There's no plug. Bro, what power is a cloud? A plug. I'm going to pull the

fucking plug. You guys look. I'm a kind of guy. I find the mainframe and I disabled. That's a kind

of guy. I'm not worried. I'm just a giant fucking rubber. We're safe. Yeah, dude. I'm just going to

trim. I'm just going to train and get jacked. So if I ever have to pull the plug for you guys,

I'm going to fucking pull the plug. I think it's not it's not us, but it's probably like

one of my son's like 80. It's going to be it's over. Like he's he's going to watch like the last

part of it. Dude, but then it's like civilization. Think about this or or because a lot of people

are bored and people that don't have meaning in their lives. Imagine if like two generation

from now are like great grandkids get to wear like metal sleeved fucking spandex and like

hack AI all day and battle it. It's kind of sick. It would be pretty sick. Oh yeah, there's

going to be the videos or the pictures. They have anti face recognition makeup. What? So these

people like it's just fucking like oh yeah, it's it's black face. Well, you know the facial recognition

struggles with black people. Yeah, really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The you make up the

block. It's like they like draw like shapes. I'm sure. Yeah, there it is. They do like shapes and

shifts. So when you walk through like an airport, it can't like recognize dude, we're in the future.

This is exciting. And it's these are like straight up like hackers from like look at this bitch down

here. She looks like she's about to fucking try to shut off the main frame dude. All our great grandkids

taking long walks and just finding the plug. Yeah dude. That's so you can do that to the airport

and they can't say anything to you. I probably right wherever you want any face.

True. I guess so. You know, but you can't just can't get their security. They're like all right,

we can't fly. I do whenever I do the facial recognition, I like act cool and I go like I do like a

weird face. Yeah. So I've been thrown it off. I'm not fighting the fight as well. I also I like

I went to run a truck at home depot recently. I had to do clear to run the truck. So yeah,

they're clear at the Madison, we're garden. He got to do it everywhere. It's it's pretty crazy,

but it's kind of cool. You like cut the line. You just go through a clear line and I know it was

Brooklyn. I saw nine channels in Brooklyn, whatever the Barkley Barkley. Yeah dude. And they had

a clear line and I was like, Oh, that's fucking sick. Well, so I asked myself this though because I

go like, all right, like because I used to be really like I'm not giving you my phone number at

like fucking Best Buy. Now it's like they want your face. I'm going all right. Well

let's give you my phone number. So like what if what if this really does nothing really happens

with it? Because if it's like if they take like before I was very against it now, it's kind of like

I don't know. I don't plan on making grab that facial data and sell it to somebody. So

Amazon. My face glasses. Yes. Yeah. That's all it is. I don't mind that though.

But if they were to sell me like good fittings, I have sunglasses that fall off my fucking face.

Well, that's what they're that's another big mark thing that's going to happen is

can be like AI shopping where it's like they know you and they start to learn you more and more

and more. So you don't even like shop for clothes anymore. Your clothes just show up. You have

them a budget. That's all I love that. That's why I'm already an early adopter. Yeah,

you got an early adopter. They do it yourself. Turns out AI loves slut rap.

So one type of music AI loves. Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's called bridge. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I don't

know. I mean, the where it's going to be tricky is when porn goes full like textile,

VR goggles. I love the VR porn rules. VR porn is exciting. I've talked about it before,

just like looking around at like the rooms and like seeing a box of tissues. I'd be like,

I've never done the past through one. Like so there's ones that are like we have like the

past through technology where the girls in your room. So that's their it's not the setting they

set up. It's like it's all green screen. You'll see them sometimes if you don't watch it through

the path through one. It's like literally a green screen guy with a dick hanging out of a

green screen suit. The whole room is blue. What? Yeah, yeah. And she's just sucking it. And I

jerk off to that too. For some reason that gets me like, I know I swear to God, I'm like,

dude, this is fucking great because like you're it's so real. You're like, this is like the so

devoid of any like you're not pretending that this is anything except for a fucking it's pretty

interesting. But I don't have I have the old I gave my son new Oculus. The other one that has

a past through why? Because it's fun. I don't know. But I'm saying like, you can be bad man.

That's why that's cool. But I'm saying, you know, he's gonna hack that thing and just

fathom stuff into oblivion. No, he's not that kid yet. He's like, I know what he looks at like,

I check his phone. He'll look at like fucking like just like, you know, you know,

Beyonce when she's 20 in a bikini. Like that's as far as it goes. You know what I'm saying?

Like he's not he's not looking at porn. Yeah, but he's still serious cat a little bit. Yeah,

he's still serious guy. He's 13. He's just he's a sweet kid. He's not. He's not a little 13.

Yeah, I was a pervert dude. Like I was 13. I had a massive sex. And I never got pussy.

I was addicted like to variety. And I was saying, if you gave me the Oculus back, I would have

fucking bugged. Yeah. I don't even I've always seen VR porn on my phone and do the same thing.

You can like tilt the screen a lot. Oh, no, I mean, I'm gonna buy you an Oculus. Yeah,

I've for real thought about and on the road set up of like, this might get to you. I'm gonna

buy you. I'll never come back. I can't come back. You can't watch. You can't watch

a flat porn anymore. Dude, it ruins flat porn for you. If you want me to pull the plug.

I bought a flat porn. Yeah. This is the AI talking. If you want me to pull the plug, dude,

I'm gonna be the plug master. Give me the Oculus. I'm gonna I'm gonna turn fucking evil.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

This is a vibrant and fleshlighted Oculus. Yeah. I'm out of the fucking

rubber. I took my my son's old. I took my son's old Oculus now. And now I just use it for porn.

I just have an Oculus in my room. This is the funniest thing ever. If my girl ever here,

she's gonna be like, she's she's one district. You go, why do you have your Oculus and only one

controller? I have no idea where the other controller is. The other controller is brand new.

It's fucking whitest fucking conveyer. It's probably up your buzz. Just the fucking just me.

Dude, what do you do with this thing? This thing you're clicking on the pages, fast-forwarding,

then now there's a a style of VR. I was paying. I had a I had a I'm still paying for it for

VR bangers. VR bangers.com website. Yeah, dude. I'll give you guys my password. So we

entered the use out of it. Yeah, let me get that password to the apparoos. It's bad. The problem,

you got your Oculus. It's gonna be a password that heals the nation. The problem with it is they

don't come out with it fast enough, right? So you only get it like porn. We're used to like,

all right, dude, you go to the new page on like, you know, Pornhopper, one of these things.

You guys are in Texas now. So you don't get to get porn here. You're just like a VPN or whatever.

But like you go to the new page and there's like a thousand. We were in generation where it's like

a thousand new videos came out. Now only fans is there. Now like it's just there's not new videos

being produced by studios anymore. So there's not a ton of variety, but variety was the thing.

Variety the spice of life, you know? Now the VR ones you come in, it's like they have like one new

video every week. It's like, it's so fun. It'd be sick. But now I'm jerking off less because there's

not enough variety and I can't drag off the flat porn. They should set it up where you can just hang

out with the VR model until a new video drop. I watch TV and she's like, I'm not feeling well.

Yeah, I watch when Adriana Chechen came and sucked my dick in the chair. It's pretty nice.

It's great. Do you have to find a black guy or do you, you'll need a white dick? I just ignore it.

Yeah. I have a, that's the thing. I think the dick's too big. I can't like, yeah, all the more.

Well, I'm gracefully be like, I'm gonna recuse myself. Yeah, I can't. Or if you have like different tattoos

on his forms, like, I was like, I can't, like, it takes me out of it too much. You can't pretend it's you.

Dude, I, dude, it's wild. It's, it's a problem, actually. I'm glad that they don't come out with the

fasten up because I'm a left handed jerk, but I'm right handed in life. Yeah. And that comes from

literally browsing and fucking, really? I'm not, I'm not, I'm not finding, I need to jerk while I'm

browsing. It's just the whole time. You need to be constant like new, new, new.

Well, still until you find what you're gonna, you know, fucking, I switched it left early on

because I heard that it gets hooked. If you use the same hand, you get like the curve.

Oh, really? I was like an urban legend back in the day that scared me into my, just being left handed.

I don't know, dude, I think it might be true. I wish my dick was big enough to curve.

I don't have, I don't have a big enough dick for any curve. It's just a straight

bunk. You need to have a hog to have a curve in your dick. Yeah. I bet there's truth to that.

I think you can have, I think you have a small curve. You think so? Yeah. Yep.

That's why I don't have, yeah, I'm not curved, but I don't think I would imagine you can have,

you know, a little smiter. No, my, no, my, my dick is, you know, a small smiter.

It's as average as it could be and it's very, very straight. Yeah.

Dude, that's how your dick will store it. Where's this pretty nice? Oh, thanks bro.

I appreciate that. Yeah, I'm just being here. Yeah. It's very nice.

No, what else do you want? He's got the best dick. You're only seeing.

I bet Texas is bigger dicks than New York, dude. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I know, dude. New York has some,

like, from a pornography standpoint, New York has some hogs out there. You think so? Yeah.

I'm fighting. Yeah. Something about the word. It makes people mute.

Yeah. Yeah. So you think New York's house and all the hogs.

Oh, just say the hogs are down Texas way. I mean, you know, I think so. I would hope so.

That's why Pennsylvania forced me to move down here.

Yeah, when you're, when you have a big dick, you just like, you know, it's like conservative values.

It's like, dude, it's like I want to have a fucking home, a wife, I want to have a truck.

That's a fucking big dick attitude. He's left these up in New Yorkers.

Like, the world has to be a better place. It's not going to make your dick grow.

That's all where it comes from.

He's trying to make the world better because they have a little dicks and they have to make up for it.

Big dick guys are like lizards. You just need to sun.

You're just, it's great. Like, you wake up every day and like, you're stretching.

You're like, oh, I have a big dick. This is the best. I can't imagine.

It must be so sick to wake up every day. It's a hammer. I feel like I don't know, man.

I wonder if they get sick of it, though.

No. Big dick guys probably get sick of the big dick.

I mean, any big dick here?

Sean's going to fucking show. You going to hog?

Sean's going to hog, bro.

Are you ever sick of it? Are you like this sucks?

No, never.

It's pretty sick.

Fucking bullshit.

How much of a hog have you seen it?

No, I've heard. Well, yeah, when he produces every now and again,

we'll just catch it all, coil it up in his sweat.

Fucking relax.

This is twisted.

We're like a big tail.

It's like the princess lay a bun.

I would, if I had a big dick, I would, I'd be poor.

I'd never get anything done.

I would have no motivation to get out of bed and fucking do anything.

I'm like, this is just like, I did it.

Amen.

I made it.

Yeah, exactly. I don't love this bitch work.

Having average is honestly best of both worlds.

Yeah, not that bad.

Yeah, it's like it's, you still got the work, I think.

Sometimes you can touch the back.

Well, when you realize how many tiny dicks are in the world,

we did on Legion of Skanks.

We did the smallest dick competition for Skankfest tickets.

Really?

And we're not only was just showing their dicks.

We made them do like talent shows with their dicks

and we made them like talk out of it.

It was fucking hilarious.

One of the funniest bits we've ever done on a show.

And yeah, tiny dicks are hilarious, first of all.

Second of all, it made me feel so much better about my dick.

Because at the gym and in porn,

it's the only guys walking around in the gym naked

have these fucking hugs, right?

You porn something.

So you just grow up with like a complex,

your whole life, you're like, dude, dicks are huge.

And what is wrong with me?

When is mine going to grow?

I've been waiting for 40 years.

I know.

But yeah, I'm now like, I've made my piece with this.

And now I'm like, I was like, dude,

I know there's smaller dicks out there.

And all the guys that are in the gym that

are like doing this with their towels

as they go to the shower.

I'm like, you little dick bitch.

I walk with my little dick out now.

Just very proud.

Loud and proud.

It's kind of beast.

That's a beast move.

Yeah, yeah.

Especially you get through a certain age

and you just go, whatever, man, what the fuck?

It is what it is.

Coming to peace with it's nice.

Yeah.

I hide it from my son now.

I don't let my son see my small dick.

Because his dick's bigger than mine now.

Yeah, yeah, it's a problem.

How do you, you just been keeping it?

You're like, I see him.

I see him get out of the shower.

I have a joke about it.

I see him get out of the shower and I get mad.

I'm like, fuck.

Like, now I get out of the shower.

I'm like, no, give me privacy.

No, we can't shower together anymore.

Are you ruined it?

You're ruined for the boy?

Oh, yeah, I'm happy for the boy.

Of course, yeah.

But he can't know.

True.

He can't like.

You never know.

Yeah, it can't be the man of the house, though.

That's it.

Do you ever stop him from watching your stuff?

Now that I'm curious, I have younger kids.

So do they?

I would imagine they start to watch.

He's watched a little bit like some of the sand

about, I like limited it.

He doesn't watch me as you just can't.

He really loves story wars because it's a little more

family-friendly show who watched some of the regs

like the clips.

He thinks soda is the funniest.

Yeah.

He's like, why aren't you as funny as Dan Soder, dad?

Shut up.

I'll cut your dick off.

I gave you that.

I'll take you.

That's my dick.

Yeah.

Anything under this roof is mine.

Well, I feel like it's a, I don't know.

I'd love to talk to like, you know, one of those nurses

and like the nursery room nurses, like, they must see babies

and like, no, right away, like, damn, this baby's got a hug.

It's going to be, you know what I mean?

Yeah, of course.

It'd be crazy.

Yeah.

Babies with a big dick is also hilarious.

Men with tiny dicks hilarious, babies with huge dicks

hilarious.

That's the next golden ticket contest for Skankfest.

Show your babies large dick.

No, it's good.

This is a good idea.

Yeah, you can.

Babies with the biggest dicks, their dads get Skankfest

golden tickets.

It's a great point.

This is a great bit.

I remember you guys.

That's not bad idea.

And whoever wins gets to be only the baby food jar.

Look at the picture, the guy sitting on the bed.

This episode is brought to you by Vuri.

So there's a lot of sports out there.

Obviously you've got basketball, baseball, and football.

But then there's running, climbing, yoga, pickleball.

But the good news is that you only need one pair of shorts

for all of it.

The core short from Vuri, that's right.

The core short is the short that started it all for Vuri.

Fitness versatility, one short every sport.

Mm-hmm.

Guys, they're ideal for fitness running and training,

but also stylish and comfortable.

That's important.

That is important.

I want to be stylish.

I'm going to be stylish and comfortable.

Some of their stuff is like borderline erotic,

also like if you feel my shorts right here,

I'm actually wearing them right now.

See, I make me.

I'm actually wearing them right now, dude.

Please do not.

Vuri is an investment in happiness.

And right now you can get 20% off your first order

and free shipping on any US order of $75 and free returns.

So get your core shorts now at Vuri.com slash secret.

That's V-U-O-R-I dot com slash secret.

Exclusions apply.

Visit the website for full terms and conditions.

This episode is brought to you by our good money.

How much time were you spending each month

trying to manage your finances before a rocket money?

And what do you do with that extra time now?

You don't want to know what I do with that extra time now,

but I got a lot of it ever since I've been using a rocket money.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

I love that, dude.

These, these prompts are just sparking my own story right now.

Oh, I was spending hours just trying to figure out

how to manage my finances.

And then a rocket money came along and that time freed up.

And I became very active in a, well,

just say a certain community that I brought my wife into.

And we just play a lot.

And it's gotten kind of a little complicated

because when you join certain communities

and open your relationship up to certain things,

you cross certain boundaries.

But I'm not, look, I'm not going to get into that, guys.

Guys, a rocket money is a personal finance app

that helps find and cancel.

You're unwanted subscriptions.

It monitors your spending and helps lower your bills

so you can grow your savings.

I mean, if I had to describe something that I love

about rocket money, I would describe how rocket money

has tracks subscriptions and how it has the ability

to cancel within the app with a few taps saving time,

which, guys, I can't get enough of it these days,

and avoiding charges.

That is, oh, it's the best.

There's also, I mean, the app also consolidates

checking savings, loans, and investments

into a single dashboard to give users

like myself a clear view of their financial picture,

which I have now entered into some sort of financial dominant.

But like, look, let's not talk about that.

That's just, it's freed me up to now follow

my true pursuits, which are heavy, heavy, kink.

Guys, let rocket money help you reach your financial goals

faster, join at rocketmoney.com slash MSSP.

That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP.

Rocketmoney.com slash MSSP.

Guys, I got to say it again.

That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP.

Rocketmoney.com slash MSSP.

I'll never forget it, Skankfest this year

where you made those guys, you didn't make them do it.

I'll like when I invited you to my festival,

though, let me invite you over here.

Were you there?

Oh, yeah.

I didn't get a post.

I'm just mad about it.

Yeah, you made those guys kiss that guy dick.

Now, you didn't make them, but we suggested it.

And then we're like, yeah, you don't got to do it.

And he was like, no, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

And he kissed his dick.

It was wild.

It was crazy.

That was this year, right?

Yeah.

What was the aftermath of that?

He was just like, you got like, they cheered for him, I guess?

Yeah, I was like, then they boxed him next day.

Yeah.

The guy who kissed his penis.

There were the two, the biggest loser competition.

So it was biggest loser, meaning like the fattest fucking loser.

It wasn't like somebody who lost weight.

We did the biggest loser competition on Skankfest this year.

And these two guys, one guy, one, and then the other guy showed up.

And they were both just such fat fucking losers.

They were like, you know what?

You're both coming to Skankfest.

And then the best side, they did it all.

Do they jumped on stage?

They kissed each other's dick.

They boxed each other.

So the one guy was like 400 pounds easily, dude.

Literally after the first round, I looked at him and I was like, oh, he's going to die in the ring.

And I was like, you can stop.

He was like, oh, I want to keep going.

And they went out and did it.

It was like, I got emotional.

I literally got emotional with the guy because I was like, I was like, damn, dude.

I was like, you're like, he's just like lived it in such a way.

Like to go to Skankfest like that, you know, cut the lines.

Meet all your favorite comedians.

Like, and then go in box and just like experience it.

He's like trying to get chicks.

And she's this big fat gross guy.

And he's like, if anybody wants to suck my dick at my hotel,

it's in his, in his, in his, in his speech, everyone.

He's like, if anybody wants to suck my dick,

that'd be so fucking cool.

I'm not in his speech, dude.

All these folding gloves, guys.

I go though to take my team.

I should be like, bro, my hotel room's 312.

That's maybe 2025.

Come through.

It's something that's dick.

Dude, Matt, can you bring up a travesty?

I don't think we brought it up.

What is it?

It's crazy that you guys aren't nominated for a fucking award.

A Grammy or some shit in the podcast of the year.

You got to pay.

Yeah.

You got to have more money, right?

Did they offer you guys to get me involved?

Not at all.

Well, I think that's, you know, podcast of the year.

It's kind of a tragedy.

You want Amy Polar?

Yeah.

Podcast rules.

What are you talking about?

I don't know.

Her podcast is one where, uh, uh, uh,

what's her name?

Pele Lady from Delaware.

She was fingering herself on the fattening.

Aubrey Plaza.

Aubrey Plaza.

That was the podcast where she was like, I don't really feel bad

about my husband dying here.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, that's, well, that's crazy.

I'm not crazy for her.

If he killed himself, he'll fuck you.

I understand, like, kind of get into it.

You're like, that's how you know what fuck you.

Yeah.

That's why he killed himself.

He's a partless bitch.

Oh, she was just being honest.

She was like, thought I'd be devastated from a husband

killed himself.

Now I'm living the experience.

Honestly, I got to the truth.

I don't really care.

And we were having problems, obviously, you know,

easiest way out.

Yeah, she's fucking care.

She was honest.

It's a great, great Patrice bit back in the day where he's like,

he's like, I don't want to like hurt my girls feelings.

I don't want to break up, I don't want to like hurt her feelings.

Like, I'd rather her go outside and get hit by a car.

That's like an easier way to just, instead of having to deal

with hurting her, he'd rather her be dead.

It's such a brilliant.

Yeah, man.

Dude, breaking up is the worst.

It's like, does feel like you're killing somebody.

It's awful.

Being like, I don't want to.

Yeah, we should never talk ever again.

Like, this is like, I guess it's probably the same for women,

but like, just hurting a woman's feelings.

I just rather like, cheat.

Like, that's just, that's really cheating.

All comes from.

It's like, I don't want to hurt you.

Yeah.

So I need to do this behind your back.

You know what sucks?

Don't look at my phone.

It is very sweet, dude.

It is pretty sweet.

No, it's brutal being like, yeah, I don't want to,

I don't want to do this anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Does anything catch you cheating?

Then they get to be like, paste a shit.

Yeah.

You go, yes, babe.

I'm so sorry.

You're crying.

Oh, I wanted to be with you.

Why am I crying?

I don't want to be with her anymore.

Although, dude, it all takes me back to Melinda Gates, dude.

She's still on those ass.

She's still, dude, he broke her off so much.

She's so much money.

Yeah.

And she's still doing interviews being like, oh, well, yeah.

He's bad.

Yeah.

So much of money, it's like, oh, god of it.

So much money.

It is truly not about iyiいい musician's property, Across the

REGISTEE Beltịch entertainment industry, very much.

Ericieux, you know, when it comes to money, you know,

go visit Marshall for a internship at a restaurant with him.

I think, no, the money from four people.

Block me, yeah.

You know,Yeah, why is that so?

I mean, I had so many experiences.

What kind of comedy was that?

We could maybe introduce the whole hangover.

You know?

Don't know, no, I mean, I'm a little rough, but I want him to be like,

he says, don't worry, for a second.

Why?

Yeah.

I like that dude.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

foundation is. Yeah. I'm gonna cure his own SDG. He did do it. He did a contest. I don't

remember when this to produce a column that feels better to having sex. I think it's new.

Yeah. I think it's a new contest. He's offering $100,000 to whoever develops

on like the condom of the future. What it like? Also $100,000 just isn't that much for Bill Gates.

That's why I think it was a grain of salt. This could just be the robot for us again.

You're right. It could be robots. I mean, if it has a billionaire, he probably does that.

Like, yeah, here's $100,000. He's gone with a sick fucking got him. You know, for like him,

$100,000 is me being like. It's nothing for him. He's been flicking a dime and being like,

here, let me go do something crazy. It's like not so. If he's doing all right. So let's say

your net worth is three million. We'll say how much is that relative to somebody who has a

billion dollars, $100,000 to a billion is how much to three million. Oh, I don't know how to do

that math. Maybe I get to make another phone call, right? So, okay, do a percentage. So what

percent is $100,000 to three million? How about this? No, $100,000 to a billion.

Or what is that worth? It's like fucking 90 gazillion. The earth. Yeah, he's 90 gazillion.

Maybe the moon. So we can even keep it at it. Yeah, actually, let's see.

God damn it. All right. So what is $100,000 of $113,000 billion? Okay. Yes.

One percent of $113,000 is $100,000. Jesus Christ, 0.000885. So ask what that percentage is of

three million? What percent of three million is $100,000? No, no, no, no, that's not what it is.

No, no, no. This is insane. 333, 333, 333. That's what it is.

It's pie pie, you're asking what? What's the one there's like? What? Where?

The no, you're asking what the point 008 or whatever was of a hundred, three million,

out three million. My bad. What? What is it? Whatever the point. Oh, what is? Yeah. What was it? How

many zeros before the eight was? There's like four. So you move 24 hundred, 24 hundred dollars.

no, it's not that much. There's no, no, no, we're not. It's a little bit, though, for sure.

I mean, I'm terrible with percentages and all that stuff. I'm going to just ask my friend,

Chad, GPT right now. I can hardly like add numbers. Hey, Chad, are you there?

Absolutely. I'm here. I'm ready to go. Feel free to ask me anything and I'll keep things

straightforward and honest as requested. Okay. Now you know that I tell them to keep things

straightforward and honest as requested. So listen, listen, Chad, GPT, we're just trying to

get some numbers here. Bill Gates' net worth is $113 billion. He offered $100,000 for this

condom contest. We want to know what percentage the 100,000 is of the 113 billion and then we want

to apply it to what the same percentage of 3 million would be. Just give me the final answer,

the final percentage of 3 million. Sure. I'll just break that down quickly and give you the final

number. No, no, no, no. I don't need you to break it down. Just give me the final number. We're

moving on a podcast. All right. No fluff. The final percentage of $3 million using that same

proportion is about $2.65. So that's your number. $2.65. What? percent, dude. Just to be blunt,

that $3 million would represent roughly two points. No, that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking.

They're going to fucking get it. Come on, you embarrassed me. I'm mentioning to the podcast.

This is a huge podcast right now. It's a big opportunity to show how good you are.

Yeah. Hold a plug. I'm asking you what $100,000, what percentage is 100,000 of 113 billion? What

does that answer? Got it. Let's keep it short. So $100,000 out of 113 billion is about 0,000,

85%. That's exactly percentage. You're looking at that by myself. So that same percentage,

what is that? What is that percentage that 0, 0 or whatever you just said out of 3 million?

How much money? All right. Chad G.P. is Louis J. Dine fraction and apply it to 3 million.

You end up with roughly $2.60. Dude, we've gotten nowhere. $2.65.

I think that this was also 10 years ago. Was it?

It was good. Yeah. Oh, now that's one thing.

One of the people won? Where are these things?

Where are these continents? Yeah, I know.

It's kind of so soggy. It was a fucking lifestyle.

Yeah. I think Gates is family. I think he comes from like a family of eugenicists.

That's where a lot of his weird, that's why people get freaked out about his science experiments.

Oh, really? Yeah. I think his dad was like a genuine eugenicist.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, so is his best friend.

He's the best friend. Jeffrey Epstein.

Oh, yeah. He was trying to like impregnate like 20 women at the same time.

He was like weird spooky science. So he was doing a mangola shit down there too.

They were saying, like, Dr. Mangola, like from...

Oh, yeah. If I was a billionaire, I would have a secret science lab,

and I would have just fun experiments in my basement.

You'd be like fucking 30, 30 fucking, you know, or 300 meters below my house.

You'd go down there, it's just like fucking freaks. Just like, how do I trade dicks with my sons?

I have my sons caught growing in a jar. I was like, look, I'm growing one of my own.

Hey, that's actually really big honey. I shrunk the kids, but your sons' dick gets so big.

Gotta make this right. I made a monster.

I'd have a, I'd have a unicorn. I have a live unicorn in my basement.

True, with all that money, you could have just like,

cloned humans and then fucked them. Yeah.

Which is above board. Which is not right. It's not right, but I say above board.

It's not even, they don't have, do clones have souls now?

Yeah. Same as twins. I think they have twin, whatever twins have, clones have.

That's the thing. I think, you know, you can like kill somebody's twin,

and it's like, you don't get in that much trouble. Yeah. But they feel it.

The twins, the twins, they can't kill someone's twin. Oh.

Yeah. I just take any of you say it's gospel in the globe.

Yeah. No, cloning, they, I mean, they, there's one comic who, uh, what's his name?

Is it the guy with the, they're dressed like a dinosaur?

It's a pithymagic dragon. I think yes, pithymagic dragon. You, you could buy his dog. He's got

a famous dog like pithymagic dog or whatever it is. Yeah. And you can go on to his website.

And I want to say it's like, it's a wild amount of money, like $150,000. You could buy a clone of

his dog. It's the exact dog. He has a clone of his dog. Yeah. I know. He, but he went to the

play scene and was like, I'm going to market this. This is brilliant. This guy's the fucking man. Dude,

you can buy these dogs in his shell. I don't know. There's been a handful sold though. What?

Yeah. Wild. Yeah. But they mean, you know, if you, if you clone a clone, a clone, a clone,

it just becomes retarded, you know, because you know, like if you copy paper, or not copy

your image on, you're like scanning a new image. He taught us in the locker room. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll have you seen the lacrims off. But they don't, they don't, they don't, they can clone humans,

but we don't, is that what it is? It's like, I don't know if we can. Yeah. They clone sheep and

shit. If you can clone a dog, if you can, if you could dodge a wrench, she can clone a dog,

you can clone a human. Yeah. But I mean, they probably can get the human clone, but then it's like,

what do you do with it? Fuck it. Yeah. That's the only thing you do with it. It's a clone,

but it gets birth. So it has to grow up still. Yeah. No, I know. It's just walk out of the

machine. I would have a clone. I would just be like, peace banding it. I wouldn't need it.

You threw your clone in the dumpster. I'll just dip out. I'm your dumpster clone. Yeah. I'll be

right back. You're fucking leave. Come back to my real family. We find your, your clone in a

Burger King toilet. Do that. It would be kind of cool to see how, like, is it would be you?

So I'd be like, how, how would you do this year? It'd be a kind of cool checking back in with

yourself. Oh, my, my clone would, dude, I teach it so much early on. What'd you really? Oh, my God.

It would be perfect. I would fill it. Dude, I would fucking, this clone would, it would live

the perfect life in my place. Oh, all that stuff. I'd be like, dude, you just gotta work out a

little bit. Don't be such a chubby little bitch. You get so much pussy. Oh, I don't,

here's it. Where would you keep it, though? Yeah. Until, like, grow up. I mean, I would treat

it like a baby. You're having your own little baby. It's you. It's you. It's you. It's sick.

All the mistakes you made, you have to have that conversation. Does it? It's like,

because we'll, we'll let develop its own consciousness. Yeah. Or will you have to,

because eventually the goal is to make a clone so you could put your consciousness into clone.

Not many of you. Instead of just like having your own consciousness. Why would you,

why would you want to preserve your own consciousness? So you live forever and do what?

Have a better clone. Well, we're going to be able to take our play podcasts. This is in your

kid's life. You're going to die. You're going to be able to take every podcast you've ever done,

take all your, all the TV show, anything you've done, put it into AI and just it's going to be a

dead-on replica. They're going to be able to talk to their dead. Like, and it'll have the same

type of answers and it's going to get better and better and better. They already did that with

the fucking Holocaust Museum years ago when it was like, uh, you talked to Hitler.

Bro, why would you do this? That's so fucking funny.

They had a fucking Hitler clone, but like, it was a, we're they call it a hologram.

A Hitler hologram and it's like, no, it's a company. I think they do.

Do a Hitler hologram dot com. By the domain. That is incredible.

By breaks out.

Use the promo code, Lamar, say 20% open for me. Oh, yeah.

Hitler hologram open fish. You, you ain't following Hitler, dude. There's no way, dude.

That guy knew how to fucking crush your crowd. Yeah, I think he's too bad.

He's slaying, dude. He takes over all of a sudden. He gets a golden ticket. I killed Tony.

It's a new minute from Hitler. This isn't the very fucking genius, Hitler.

I killed my clone. They started to hit the holograms.

He doesn't like the fact that you insist. Oh, dude. God, damn it. Oh, man.

Hitler hologram is great. Yeah, but they know that they would take like the last,

they did in a bunch of interviews with the last surviving, like Holocaust people.

And they, yeah, they like such a funny sequence. Yeah.

And they put them in like the Holocaust Museum. You can go and talk to them and ask them questions.

And it, but it was like years ago. It was probably like six, seven years ago.

And, uh, thank you. Thank you.

Today's the day I killed myself. We all thought it, though. We all, you're great enough to say it.

So, uh, so yeah, but you could like talk and be like, what, you know, what was it like?

I guess. I don't know, but we'll just ask you could, they would just, they would just sit there.

You can go up and just ask them on the hologram. But I think it was like, they only had probably like

10 questions you could ask and they like walk you through. But now, oh, they're hologram.

They were holograms. Yeah. But if they fucking put those last Holocaust survivors on a podcast

for a few years, they'd have all of that shit. Now, now you could just put it in and

I had a conversation. This is some fucking dark shit. I had a conversation with my mom

on chat, Tbt. I was like, act like you're my mom. I gave her all the, give all the information

about my mom. And I was like, I want to like have a conversation with my mom now about what's going

on with my family. I got really, it was fucked up. I do as a, like, it's dumb,

thought experiment for a minute. For sure. And then like five questions in. I'm crying,

talking to chat, Tbt is my mom. What are the inputs you fed, chat, Tbt?

Horr, bitch. You said me a lot. I really love heroin.

Now, I just gave her like personality traits. And then I was like, I was like,

I was like, ask me questions as my mom about my life and about like, it got fucking,

it was, it was just, I don't know why I went down that rabbit hole, but it was like,

then I showed it to my sister and she was like, you need to stop using chat, Tbt.

This is sick. Chat, Tbt is demon. And it might just actually talk to your mom. Maybe,

maybe, but it was pretty fucked up and dark. Yeah, that's pretty sad. Yeah, yeah. Fuck.

Did you find any like closure in all of it? Kind of. It was weirdly therapeutic.

That's kind of nice. Yeah. I mean, that's like they, uh, there was that one therapy technique,

like the empty chair where you would like, it'd be an empty chair and you would just stand

in front of a group and like pretend the chair was like your dad or mom.

Clint Eastwood did that. Clint Eastwood did it. Yeah. Nice. At the 2016 Republican

International Convention. Did he really? Yeah. You don't remember that? He was like,

this is Obama. Get out of your old pop. Really? That would work for a lot of

boomers, like, you know, obomners in the chair. Let him have.

Get out of this. I remember the day you got elected. I was fucking pissed.

You're a libtime. I was working construction today. Obama got elected. And I was,

it was a lot of old guys. They were seriously like, it was like everyone's football team lost.

There was Walker. I'll be like, fuck man. It was to each other and just be like, it was the

funniest. I remember the day kind of sticks with me. Yeah. It's a bunch of floor guys walking in

and being like, yeah, at least Obama. They're all criminals and they're all terrible people.

But the man could talk. He really, he held himself with like, that was like the last time we had

a president where he like held himself with like, just like respect. You're like, you were proud

for Obama to go out and like do a, like a world car. I don't know anything that we were saying.

But he got to like a conference. He'd be like, that's our guy. He was here. So here's a problem now.

It's like, he was definitely a skilled statesman. But the problem now is like in this climate,

everything he did now is legacy. He's that he's gay and his wife has been.

It's just the sucks how bad the internet is now. You know what I mean? It's like he said,

he did all this great stuff. And it's just like, they're going to read the history.

But the politicians are wild. Like we're with that. Like I saw, I don't know who was. It was like

a senator or like, you know, Congressman or something, but he called somebody retarded on Twitter the

other day. I was like, this is crazy. It's completely like that. It's like you, like you can't be,

like you can't sit with tolerate more of your politician. It's going off the rails. It's just

crazy. It's just so sad that you can work your whole life just to have people say you're gay.

That's the meanest thing if you were trying to like really bust me up. Yeah. I was older.

The fuck I worked my whole life. Have you seen the new, uh, the new Trump shit?

He's literally shitting his pants during interviews. What do you mean? He's just shitting his

pants during interviews. Hold on. What, like, given specifics. There was one. He was like talk to

reporters, like, you know, it's a chair. You can hear him fart. And then you see a lady go like,

oh, and he's like, we got to get you guys out of here. So I've seen, I've seen, uh,

I'm going to counter you across the aisle. I've seen an AOC fart that I'm wondering if these are

just fake. That's a sexy Latina fart. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Girlfarts are girl. I'm not on the

anti-girlfarts. I like keeping my office and farting in my office yesterday. And I was like,

no, girlfarts in my life. That's wild. That's wild. It was an episode. You know, who doesn't fart?

Yeah. AI. True. That's true. Yeah. Do girl. I was explaining to her. I was like,

do girlfarts for real are like discussing like they're not when guys fart. It's funny. When

girls fart, it's sad and gross. It's so fucking, it sucks. It's so bad. I farted all night

last night. Yeah. The repentance. I just said I do that every night. But it's like my wife

farted once like a month. And I'm like, dude, what seriously? Dude, you got to really think about

this. Do I made my ex cry? I was farting so much. She's so crying. It's not so bad, dude.

If I'm eating bad, my fart's, it's horrific, dude. I've been convinced off, uh, my friend Egan

was telling me that if you eat Reggiano Parmesan cheese, it's made with raw milk and it like

doesn't upset your stomach. So I've been shredding Parm Ridge on everything I eat. And I'm like,

yeah, I was like texting him like, bro, thank you for giving me the fucking green light on this

cheese. I've been farting nonstop. I was, I had like a honeymoon with this cheese for like a day.

Now I'm like, fuck, I can't eat. I was tricked. I'll try again. I'll give myself like a week to

clear out. I go, I think my stomach's adapted to dairy. I eat it and it's just disgusting.

Yeah. Hot, hot farts. That's a dairy. It's me. Hot farts. Yeah. It's one to one. It's, uh,

I mean, it, it is just shit particles. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah. When it's hot,

what's, why is, why are forts hot? Do we ever get into that?

Like, what's the fuck inside of your body? It's hotter than the outsides you feel. Yeah,

dude, it's, I'm talking like scorching hot. We just see why farts are hot because I know

they're fart particles. But why are they like charge particles in?

Particles move around and then they get hot. So I'm wondering if we got hot farts as

your fart parts. It was above the ground your asshole. It means you got it. You ever see the,

what's all for? There you go. There you go. The, um, there'll be people with like night vision

goggles. We're just watching people on them all and they just see the like the fart come out

of their ass and like the multicolors like the, like the predator we see it. Predator would,

yeah, do the thermal shit, dude. Oh, yeah, that's what a nightmare vision. It's, uh, yeah,

dude. It's a thermal predator would watch farts come in your ass. Yeah, do you find them

for sure, dude? Watching people fart in a mall with thermal glasses. I mean, I could do that

for the rest of my life, dude. If the robots could pay me to do that, that's pure happiness.

You're a fart police. You're literally a fart police to be nice because you see, like,

they'll let them sneak out on flights because fucking nobody, nobody knows. And then I overact

them like, oh, fuck. Who did that? Oh, no, dude. She's singing. Dude, it's why. Okay,

and that's coming out of the pipes. Look at it. Look at how much force coming out of her ass,

dude. That's why I need verification. You could just put that cloud up there. I need to,

I need to know, I need to wear the goggles myself. I need the real deal. It'd be so crazy, too,

to be like talking to a lady. I'm at a party. Go up to a lady and be like, do you just fucking fart?

Like, no, I actually. I know you did. Look at this. That's kind of like a nice pick-up

game, like pick-up artist move. Yeah. Where are the fart goggles? You can nag a

you're wearing $6,000 fart goggles. That's all they are. Oh, dude, please have Shane by fart goggles.

How fun would that be? That's why I can't be rich because I would, I would own,

I would own fart goggles for everyone of my friends. Go out to the bar. How much a thermal

goggles, dude. I think I think you can get them for like pretty cheap, actually. No.

I swear to God, it's probably like hunting shit or something. I don't know. There's probably

not as expensive as you get night vision for not that expensive. 100 to 3000. You need a good one.

You don't need to catch, you don't want any cheap fart goggles. You catch girls farting, dude. You

need a good one. You need to have a subtle instrument. Do you walk in around your mouth with your

wife? You're like, I'm watching. Do you want me to try to sneak them out? Oh, it's so fun.

I'm just trying to do me looking at my own fart. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I always want to know how

that one that comes to side of my nuts looks like. Yeah. Well, God damn it guys. I think we did it.

It was fun. Thank you. Thank you, brother. Thank you. Glad we fucking healed the divide. Yeah.

Laughter really is a divine medicine man. I love you, buddy. I love it too. Yeah. Me and Lamar,

we've seen each other a few times this week. I know you guys watch it. We watch it. We're good.

We love each other. And we'll see. You're at a crossroads, dude. You're at a major crossroads.

Yeah. It's up to you. Choose your fate. Choose your fate.

I love that, dude. It's like a me go. Crack a me goes. That's fucking savage, dude. Oh my god.

I thought that little juice was pretty funny. Diabetes juice is a crazy line and also your

album is irrelevant in the room. Give a worry. He'll turn on you. No, I don't think so. He's

a pretty loyal fucking dude. Yeah. He's pretty loyal. I mean, I fucking, I put him on more than

at like, you know, I read it out of like self-protection. No, no, I do when we did the contest

for Crack a me go, we have like 20 people submit to become Crack a me go. And he was so good.

We're like, well, that's what he is. He like embodies the character. And he's the sweetest

kid ever. He's like such a sweet, nice person. And then you just give him a fucking notepad.

All that evil comes out. And it's but the other side of it is like he's just roasting.

That's all it is. So we did like a roast battle. It's literally what we would say about

each other. Yeah. You know, I'm saying if you're going to roast battle, Bert Kreischer,

like that's what you would say. I think that comedians we get sensitive because he's not a comic.

So it's like, it's like, where's it coming from? But it's all it is. He's just a big comedy fan

that fucking sucks when there's a good beat behind it. Oh, yeah, it's brutal. There's a bait.

There's a sick beat behind it when you're fucking in front of your head to your own roast.

God damn it, man. Thank you guys. Thank you guys.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.