In this episode of Dearest Suzie, we reach a letter that many in my family consider the most difficult to read. Dated April 29, 1965, this letter doesn’t relay an ordinary mission or a humorous aside. It’s a moment of personal reckoning. Popi writes in the aftermath of a mission that left two of his friends dead — and he blames himself.

The day had started as a rare break. He planned to rest, write home, maybe sit in the sun. But a call from Operations changed that. An American captain had been injured, and Popi was sent out to help retrieve him. What followed was a chaotic and dangerous situation, one where friendlies and enemies were too close together to fire safely. When he couldn’t complete the mission alone, he asked another friend — an American advisor named Kelly — to try with ARVN and APCs. Kelly agreed. He didn’t make it back.

This letter isn’t about combat in the traditional sense. It’s about guilt. About what it means to give an order and wonder if you made the wrong call. Popi had flown hundreds of missions by this point. But this one stayed with him. It’s clear that, even as he wrote to Suzie, he was trying to make sense of what had happened. Or at least find a way to live with it.

What’s Covered:

• The mission that led to the death of two of Popi’s friends
• Popi’s deep guilt and emotional collapse in the aftermath
• The complexity of decision-making in combat zones
• Leadership, responsibility, and personal loss during wartime
• Why this letter continues to shape how my family remembers him

📷 Featured Photo: A combat landing in what appears to be a rice paddy. Three helicopters sit low to the ground as soldiers rush out. This could have been a scene much like the one Popi witnessed that day.

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