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About this Episode
This week we are joined by Horace Perrault, critic of everything, who has some thoughts about ANZAC Day
Hosts & Guests
Transcript
Eerwash, the palate cleansing podcast.
Welcome to Eerwash, a podcast as fresh and organic as milk suckled directly from a cow.
Except instead of from a cow, you're suckling at my voice others with your ears.
That's rather an upsetting mental image, let's move on.
A few months ago, Horus Perot, the critic of everything, came along to share his preliminary
thoughts on Australia and promised to come back to give us his view of Anzac Day in April.
Well, it's April now and Horus is back to do as he promised.
Here's how our chat went.
Now, Horus, you're undertaking a comprehensive review and critique of Australia.
We.
And one of the things you were looking forward to looking into as part of that was Anzac Day.
Looking forward is not right for us.
National days of military commemoration filled me with dread, what rhetorical and political
trenches with the corpses of Zifor and have been propped up into defend.
But yes, I wish to observe this spectacle.
And having done so, what do you think?
It is refreshing to see a military ceremony inspired by an ignominious defeat of the nations,
celebrate great, momentous days with enormous military displays.
France has been still there, with all the military might adding a militaristic note to
Paris's already idiosyncratic traffic conditions.
The Americans have Zifor to July and commemorate that by having a massive military parade
to compensate for the president's miniscule manhood.
And the Russians commemorate victory day by parading the one tank that Ukrainians haven't
got at yet.
In short, these things often become a militaristic, dig-swinging exercise.
But Anzac Day commemorates a defeat, a defeat in which Australia did very well, but still,
a defeat.
And it is not marked by a grand display of military might, but with all men marching.
Yeah, although there's a lot less old men than they used to be.
And that is a mark of success, I think.
With the exception of the Second World War, Australia's military history tends to be following
whichever big power it's currently friends with into stupid wars.
Not just the First World War, but also Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan.
But despite being in these unnecessary wars, Australia tends to avoid the worst of it, presumably
because you could tell it your quaintly named defence force better than the Americans
to read theirs.
Yeah, but still, we could trade them better.
We?
But it is hard to do worse than the Americans, as it is in most things.
Yeah, true.
Although at least we're staying out of the current nonsense the Americans are going on
with Iran.
We?
Perhaps as a nation you are at last learning.
Although you have not abandoned all of your quite Australian traditions.
What do you mean by that?
I was intrigued to see that your nation's dislike of the original occupants continues.
Oh, you mean the booing of indigenous veterans?
Yeah, that was pretty awful.
Or contrary.
It was Australia's foundation.
This contrary was founded on a contempt for the original inhabitants.
It is an essential part of Australia.
Without it, you would have to completely re-evaluate what Australia even means.
No, much simpler to despise from a distance, to vote against the most modest proposal
for change, and boo those who have fought for the country that spurns them at every turn.
It is the Australian way.
No worries, also means no introspection.
Well, you've given me plenty to be introspective about Horace.
Excellent.
That is the function of total criticism.
Oh, before you go, an unrelated question.
My neighbour was doing some painting yesterday in the backyard, a straight-out stellar stuff
on big bits of plywood.
Oh, but I was wondering, is it still straight-out if it's done in the backyard instead of on a street?
It is not straight-out, if it's not done on a street, it is backyard art.
I asked an answered, thank you very much Horace.
Mercy to glass.
That's it for this week.
Well, last week, really.
I've been a bit unwell, so I had to delay my chat with Horace.
But it's here now, although it's nearly not here anymore as we're nearly at the end.
In fact, here's the end now.
Bye!
Ewosh was created, performed, produced by Douglas Brok.
I'm not sure to recommend this podcast to everybody who's in there, or I will see through
it for the bunch of assholes BRRATTER.
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