Episode 610: Turning it around (how to start winning in life)

I'm Dr. O'Brien, Tararban, and this is Cycax and Better Living Through Psychology.

And the topic of today's short talk is turning it around.

So there will be times in your life when it seems like nothing is going your way.

Sometimes it's weeks, sometimes it's months, sometimes man, it feels like years.

It's like life is personally out to get you, and it's nothing but frustration and failure

and disappointment.

Maybe you're in one of those times, or maybe you know someone who is in one of those times.

Today, I'm going to teach you how to get out of this situation, so either say this one

for a rainy day, or send it to someone who needs to hear it now.

The longer I live, the more I appreciate that so much of human action depends on inertia

and momentum.

The longer something remains inactive, ineffective, or unmoving, the harder it is to change.

That's inertia.

A inertia is like a swamp or wet cement.

It's why habits are so difficult to change.

There are potentially decades worth of inertia encasing them.

So it's going to take a great deal of force to affect even a negligible shift.

On the other hand, the longer something remains active, effective, or moving, the harder

it is to change.

That's momentum.

Momentum is like an avalanche or an onslaught.

It's why some people seem unfazed by setbacks.

No one's life is a graph that just goes up and to the right.

But if you have enough momentum, then you can kind of plow through those tough times.

They might slow you down a bit.

But your momentum will generally carry you through to your next win.

From a physical standpoint, inertia and momentum are two sides of the same coin.

The greater an object's inertia, the more force is required to get it moving, and the greater

it's momentum, the more force is required to get it to stop.

You can kind of think of both as the force required to change something's direction.

All right?

Now when things aren't going your way, it's easy to get mired in inertia.

And the longer things don't go your way, the more that inertia is subject to accumulating.

This affects your perception, your memory, your emotions.

It becomes increasingly difficult to stay motivated, to stay hopeful, to do things that

on some level, you know you need to do to get yourself out of that rut.

However, this makes it all the more necessary to affect the change in direction and to do

so sooner, as opposed to later.

The way out of inertia is the generation of momentum.

Momentum is generated through wins.

When you do something well, when you achieve something, when your situation is improved,

I'd like you to consider that all of these wins contain varying degrees of force.

And force, when it accumulates, can produce momentum and hence movement, a change in direction.

More momentum equates to more confidence, more forcefulness, and more hopefulness, as

you progress through life.

The issue is that when you're mired in inertia, big, significant wins, the type that can

generate momentum in an instant, just seem utterly unattainable.

Given your current state, those wins could just as well as be on Mars for all their perceived

accessibility, which of course can make you feel even more powerless and hopeless about

your situation.

But there is a solution.

If you're interested in taking your understanding to the next level, I would encourage you to

check out the captain's quarters, my members only self-improvement community.

Your monthly membership will get you access to a cadre of like-minded, supportive individuals,

buy monthly group consultation sessions hosted by yours truly, and exclusive content that

you won't find anywhere else.

With the link in the description for more information, hope to see you aboard.

Here's what we're going to do.

If you find yourself mired in inertia, we're going to temporarily reduce your threshold

of achievement.

In some cases, if you're really stuck, we'll reduce that threshold to like the smallest

quantum of achievement.

We're talking about behaviors that, on some level, you cannot fail to accomplish and

certainly behaviors that no one can prevent you from accomplishing, meaning that the

locus of control for the behavior resides entirely in you.

What might that look like?

Well, if you're in a really bad place, we're going to need to shrink that threshold down

as much as possible.

You got out of bed?

Great.

That's a win.

You changed your clothes.

Great.

That's a win.

You brushed your teeth.

Great.

That's a win.

You get what I'm saying?

Now in the beginning, this might feel strange, even a little pathetic.

But you have to understand that it's all relative.

Like getting out of bed, changing your clothes and brushing your teeth would be huge accomplishments

if you had a spinal cord injury.

Know what I'm saying?

That judgmentalism, that contempt prior to investigation, is really just a cognitive

defense in the service of the inertia.

It's an aspect of the inertia, and so it really can't be trusted.

Ignore it for now.

It's not going to be like this forever, but you've got to be willing to be at least temporarily

flexible here.

So that's step one.

Step two is to acknowledge when you've accomplished something.

That's right.

You have to do it for yourself.

You made the bed?

Give yourself some recognition.

Good job.

Like, say it out loud.

Literally, patch yourself on the back.

Know what else is going to do it?

So you've got to do it, okay?

And of course, in the beginning, this is going to feel foreign and alien.

But the more you do this kind of self-affirmation, the more you'll actually start to believe it.

And it helps to counteract the feeling that all the good you do remains utterly invisible

and in consequential.

It isn't, but you might be the first and for a time only person to recognize it.

The idea here is to create wind chains or successive winds over time.

This is how you generate momentum.

Reduce the threshold of accomplishment and boom!

Maybe you get like ten winds in a day.

That's pretty fucking good, especially compared to the previous day when you maybe got zero

winds.

It's about taking control of your perception so that you can generate emotional momentum

over time.

Of course, you won't stay at this level forever.

As you start to feel movement, as you start to feel better, you gradually increase the

threshold of achievement.

So in a week, the accomplishments look different.

You applied for that job?

Great!

That's a win.

You cooked a healthy meal.

Great.

That's a win.

You took a tour of the local gym?

Great!

That's a win.

Recognize them, acknowledge them, give yourself a pat on the back.

You still might be the only one affirming these winds, but trust me, people start to notice

as the winds get bigger.

Right now, it might be good that other people aren't noticing as you may not really be at

your best yet.

You know what I'm saying?

Don't worry about it.

Ideally, once you get the hang of this, you'll be constantly titrating your threshold

of accomplishment so that you're always achieving more than not in your perception.

Like, I still do this today and every day of my life.

Some days the winds are big, some days the winds are small, but I keep changing the

size of the winds to ensure that I keep my winds streak alive.

And that's how you generate and maintain momentum.

It's how you kind of pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get yourself out of a

rut.

Because if you're a man, no one's going to do it for you.

Form your inertia into momentum and get moving.

Accumulate enough momentum and you'll eventually become a force of nature.

What do you think?

Does this fit with your own experience?

Let me know in the comments below.

And please, as I said at the top of the episode, send this to someone who you think might

benefit from its message.

I know you know someone who might be struggling right now because it's word of mouth referrals

like this that really help to make the channel grow.

Other value propositions, anyone looking to join my free weekly newsletter for which

I write original content, no AI, or book a paid one-on-one consultation with yours truly

can find out more information on my website.

There are also my books, the value of others, my best-selling examination of the sexual marketplace,

and Starry Night, my novel about the final weeks in Painter Vincent Van Gogh's life.

Finally, there is my private member community, The Captains' Quarters, where you get direct

access to me and my network of awesome professional YouTuber friends.

It's a great crowd.

Check it out if you're at all interested, a lot of value there.

Stuff I can't say on YouTube.

I can say behind the scenes.

Thank you so much for your support, appreciate it, and thank you for listening.