Fibber McGee and Molly - Fibber Cuts Christmas Tree

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Zip Recruiter.com slash Zip. The Johnson Wax program with Fibramagi and Bolly.

The makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's self-polishing glow coat present Fibramagi and Bolly

written by Don Quinn with songs by Martha Tilton and the King's Men and Music by Billy Mills.

The show opens with the National Emblem March.

Music

Ladies and gentlemen, I heard an officer of the Red Cross speech last night. He was asking for money.

He said in part that it was customary these days to preface for help with an apology,

but that he wasn't making any apology. Neither are we. The Red Cross needs $50 million urgently

and immediately. Now for 130 million people, that's the price of a few cigars or a lipstick.

The Red Cross is always ready to help in times of war and disaster, and from now on,

the demands upon them will be great, but we are a great nation. So let's give till it hurts.

Music

The master of 79 Wispovista is not one to squander a buck and a quarter for a Christmas tree

when he can drive out of the woods and chop down his own. No, sir. And here, driving up to the house,

cross-bitten but triumphant, we find that lumberjack who saves jack on his lumber,

bicker of bicker McGee and Molly.

You gotta get them brakes fixed. Boy, am I cold. Well, come on, Christmas tree, come to Papa. You got a new home.

Oh, you're getting snow all over the farm. Why didn't you stamp your feet? Why should I stamp my feet?

I ain't mad at anybody. Jive, there's a cold. I'm just walking from memory.

Oh, there you poor lad, let me take your coat and you're mitten.

Thanks, Molly. Hey, take a game at that tree, will you? Ain't she a buffer?

Heavenly days, it's certainly is. Yeah, it was the pick of the whole woods, Molly.

I had to fight off 20 other guys to get it too. They all wanted it.

Oh, did you actually fight for it, dearie? Oh, it didn't come down to actual brawl, no.

One guy up to me and says, that's my tree, shorty. And I says, yeah, I says, tossing my hats it up in the air and catching it by the handle.

I'm getting, I says. You don't need this tree for last Christmas, I says. And he says, what do you mean last Christmas?

Well, I says, sinister like, advanced in 40 with an nasty look.

You lay up laid on that balksome bud and last Christmas was your last Christmas.

Ah, good for you, McGee. Did he go away then?

No, he started swinging his ass at me. And just then I noticed that this tree,

which was a little farther along and was even bigger and better.

So I just seared and walked away, a double time.

Well, it certainly is a big one. What do we do with it after Christmas? All of it automated canoe?

Shut down, Molly. Just because of it.

What does he so long to get at home? You know, you've been gone six hours.

Well, I had a blowout on the way back and had to stop and buy a new secondhand tire. Cost me seven bucks.

Where's the hatchet?

I lost it in the snow.

I know just where it is in the next spring when the snow melts off it.

Oh my gosh. What's that?

Oh, what's that window in the dining room? I opened it because it was so hot in here and it won't stay open.

No, well, I'll fix it when I get time. By the way, what time is it?

After four, why? Where's your wristwatch?

Well, I took it off to chop this tree down and forgot all about it.

And when I went back to look for it, it snowed some more and covered it up.

Well, that's fine. A $30 wristwatch, a $2 hatchet, and a $7 time.

$39 for a 98th and Christmas tree.

Oh, happy U-tide.

Well, I didn't want one of those measly little moth-eating shrubs that sell them downtown.

When I want a tree, I want a tree. Not a bouquet.

Come in.

Oh, hello Mayor, Latvian.

Oh, good day, Mr. McGee. I say McGee.

Yes, about that job you wanted in the city hall. I'm still working on it, but I'll have to have a little information.

Well, can the nice mayor of what he wants to know, dearie?

Okay, dig me, Latvian.

Well, first, can you dominate people?

Can you let the ones in that you really want to see and shut the rest out?

Absolutely. Another thing, McGee, can you spend it physically?

To be mauled by crowds of people all asking you questions?

Can you ignore the whispers behind your back?

Can you give orders in a loud tone of authority?

Boy, can I?

Listen to this, Triv.

By folks, as captain of the detective force of Whistful Whistful Whistful, I order you to make way there.

Stand back, everybody.

Oh, this wouldn't be a police job, McGee.

Oh, but one of the elevator operators has just been drafted, and I've suggested you.

I'll let you know later.

Good day.

Why that small-minded, bull-grabbing, baby-kissing girl?

No, no, no, never mind that now.

I'll never mind that now.

So, where should we place this tree, McGee?

I don't know. Where do you think?

Well, off-hand area, I'd say it was a toss up between the Grand Canyon and Death Valley.

Shucks, I told you, I got a trimmer down a little.

Get me a hatchet, will you?

The hatchet, dear boy.

According to your official communique.

Is it present-sleeping a dead job under a snow drift 18 miles north to town?

Yeah, well, we got a saw, haven't we?

Not a very good one.

So, Ben?

Who Ben?

You did.

Huh?

After you saw that bottle act at the beach you last October, you tried to play pony boy on it.

Remember?

Well, I guess it'll still work.

Say, it's awful hot in here.

Yes, it is. I don't know if that dining room window again.

The thermostat on the furnaces out of order.

And I've got the other tree.

Boy, am I tired.

Ah, but what a tree.

What's that?

This tree is so big our little ornaments are going to look awful silly on it.

Yeah, I never thought of that.

I better order a bigger assortment of ornaments.

Now, hand me the phone, will you?

Here.

Thanks. Hello, operator.

Give me the whistle, Mr. Napoleon Day.

Oh, is that you, Mert?

How's everything, Mert?

Huh?

Who?

Your niece.

Somebody grabbed her and kissed her during the blackout.

Oh.

He gave it to me, Daisy.

Did she know who it was?

She's recognizing when she's seizing.

You'll have lipstick all over his face and neck and shirt from her.

From just one kiss?

What do you mean one kiss?

That blackout lasted three hours.

What say, Mert?

Okay, I'll call him later.

Hey, did you get me the saw, Molly?

Here it is, Jimmy.

And now, don't get sawed.

That's all over my floor.

Why not?

It'll make Uncle Dennis feel at home.

See, I guess I better take a couple of feet off of the bottom first.

Yes, and trim out a hundred or so branches.

Tarzan or somebody might be hiding in there.

Who?

Tarzan.

Who?

I said Tarzan.

Who?

Oh, stop it, McGee.

I didn't say anything.

You said Tarzan.

Who?

Tarzan.

Who are you shopping at?

Who?

Who?

Hey, what's that?

McGee, it's an owl.

He's in that tree.

No, come on the fourth branch.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Check the tree, Molly.

Open the door and we'll shoot him out.

Who?

Who?

You?

Come on, get out of that tree.

But just go on the ground.

Take it out, McGee.

There he goes.

Take it, Molly.

Take it this way.

But that's what I've been up to the table.

See?

I've been up to the door, Molly.

Wait your hands.

I've been up to my hand.

Shoot.

Go away, birdie.

You won't even look at me, McGee.

Wow.

Don't see good in the daytime.

Oh, what do you expect me to do?

Buying some drinks?

Who?

There he goes.

Go on.

Feed it.

Go on.

Go on.

Well, thank goodness.

Those things give me the creep.

Me, too.

Though I will say it was decent of him to back up my judgment.

What are you talking about?

Well, owls are wise birds and we both picked out the same tree.

Don't you get it, Molly?

I suppose owls are funny, McGee.

Okay.

But I've been hooded out enough for one day.

Hand me the saw again.

Thanks.

No.

Oh, there.

Door.

How's it about?

Hey.

What you got there, Johnny?

Christmas tree.

Oh, no.

We buy our firewood on the roof, Mr. Oldtimer.

What's on your mind?

You started that Daniel Boone cap, Oldtimer.

Just wanted to know if you could come out and play.

Some of us kids are building a snow fort and had big and lot of fun in the corner.

Having to pick a fun.

No.

Now I say, yes.

We've got work to do, Mr. Oldtimer.

I don't afraid you'll have to run for the snow without us.

Oh, gee, kids.

Come on.

We wanted to fuse up sides and play yanks and jets.

Only nobody wants to be a jet.

We haven't got time to play now, oldtimer.

I've got to turn this tree before.

Then you've got a corn cow pipe we can have, Johnny.

I've got a big snowman and I want to put a pipe in his mouth.

So, give him a cigarette.

Yeah, and put a sign on him.

Something new has been added.

That's pretty good, Johnny.

But that ain't the way I hear it.

The way I hear it.

Hey, what was that?

Oh, it's just the dining room window, Mr. Oldtimer.

It won't stay open.

Hey.

Ooh.

Well, the way I hear it.

One fuller says, tell a fuller.

Shee hee hee hee.

Shee hee hee.

Why does Shittler make all his speeches from a beer garden?

Well, says, tell a fuller.

That's so when he starts fooling at the mouth,

nobody will notice it.

Mark the films and things.

Thank you.

Lucky stars and stars.

If you live right.

If you get to sleep at night.

You can thank your lucky stars and stars.

If you feel free.

If they're sugar in your teeth.

You can thank your lucky stars and stars.

Hee hee I am an egg and he ride.

He's got a keg if you like.

The gold all yank it worth so.

Said so.

If you can sing.

And believe in anything.

You can thank your lucky stars and stars.

Do you like it beer?

Don't you say this country is swell.

Do you want to cheer?

Bring the liberty bell.

Well, it's like his day.

It does fun on our day.

You can thank your lucky stars and stars.

If you can join.

And enjoy an artichoke.

You can thank your lucky stars and stars.

Time stores and Bobby Kim's and Hot Dog.

And Mickey Finns if you like.

We blow about it.

Shot it.

If you can sing.

And believe in anything.

You can thank your lucky stars and stars.

Oh, they cut down the old pine tree.

And they hauled it away to the mill.

To make an ice Christmas tree just for Molly and me.

Didn't you say you have to sing with your sign?

No, I don't have to.

Hey, how's it look now?

Molly, beginning to shape up for you.

Yes, if you like that shape.

Pretty lopsided.

It is?

Where?

Oh, well, yeah.

Well, I can trim that side off a little more.

That's a good thing I got a big tree to start with, you know what?

Well, listen, I'll try and be a little quieter.

Uncle Dennis is upstairs taking a nap.

That guy's always taking a nap.

And I just found out why he wanted that old brass bed brought down from the attic, too.

Why?

Well, I peaked in on him the other morning and there he was.

Sound asleep.

With one foot on the brass foot rail and a happy smile on its pretty little face.

Now, now, let's not start on four Uncle Dennis again.

He's a gentleman in a scholar.

He ought to be a scholar.

He's had more teachers than anybody I ever knew.

Oh, well, oh, I cut down the old pine tree.

And I hold it away in my car.

McGee, there's somebody at the door.

Who?

I don't know.

Let me see.

Oh, it's Mrs. Appington.

Oh, not the Mrs. Appington.

The choice is crumb in our upper crust.

Yeah.

And wearing a hat that was made in a hurry by a cross-eyed millenor, wearing Boston glasses.

Tell me an Abigail darling.

Oh, how do you do my dear?

Hands, Mr. McGee.

Hi, up here.

Please excuse the mess in here Abigail.

McGee is trimming the Christmas tree.

Oh, how fascinating.

I simply adore the sin of freshly cut lumber really.

It's so invigorating and so, so outdoorsy, you might say.

Yeah, I might say that.

If I carried my handkerchief in my sleeve.

I didn't know you were such a lover of the great open spaces, Abigail.

Oh, my dear.

I used to simply send all my time with my hunting lodge in Maine.

Roughing it, you know.

Never hunt any mousse.

McGee.

Watch your commas, dearie.

Well, did you happy?

No, no, no.

I was never much of a nimrod, Mr. McGee.

We called it a hunting lodge because we were always hunting a paw for bridge.

Now that you really ran wild up there, up there.

Don't say any attempts to be a maverick.

You know, he thinks he's a great woodman because he shot a bear in the last of last summer.

Well, that was something.

If you ever walked through a dark forest with the feeling that something was creeping up on you.

Ready to pounce any minute and suddenly.

Wow.

Oh, you got me.

Sure you take it easy, McGee.

Yeah, take it easy.

It's just the wind when the dining room.

It won't stay open, Abigail.

But where did you get that hat?

I hadn't been able to take my eyes off of it.

Oh, do you like it, my dear?

He didn't say that.

He just says he couldn't take her eyes off of it.

I can't even just dining, Abigail.

Oh, I'm so glad that's exactly why I dropped over the day, my dear.

To see if you liked it.

Do you, Mr. McGee?

Well, confidentially, Abigail.

And since I'm a plain, spoken man.

I think it's the worst monstrosity ever placed on a human head.

Oh.

It would make a Zoom medicine man swallow his spirit.

Oh, the man that I'm a fixer.

Why?

I just said to myself, if Mr. McGee likes it.

I will simply have to give it to my cook.

That man has let's taste him a night club seller.

Did she say that?

That old flounder.

So I haven't got any taste, haven't I?

Not in half there.

When he comes to fashion, you'd better just do one thing.

That's all good.

Huh?

Oh.

Okay.

I got the needle to go lower, sprinkle over the floor.

In the shade of the old pine tree.

Hey, Molly.

How's she look now?

Well, it looks better, but he, at least we can get in the same room with it.

Now, if you'll send some more off the far side.

Okay.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

Hello, Molly.

Hello, Mr. Wilcox.

Once you come in, get some sawdust all over your clothes.

Say, what goes on here anyway?

Come on out and cut down my own Christmas tree.

I don't know.

I got a short and a sleaze on the little one.

Well, you sure got the room in a mess, pal.

You've got enough loose branches around here, though.

Bed down a line, doctorus.

Oh, lie down and we'll try to make you comfortable.

Access to affordable credit helps me tell you my employees that I don't really need it.

Infliction is killing me.

Who cares?

Big retailers that make an record profit.

That's why we support the German martial credit card bills.

See?

Things in credit unions help small businesses make payroll.

This bill would cut the vital resources they need.

While increasing megastore profits.

They deserve it.

Don't they?

Tell Congress, stop the German martial money grab for corporate megastores.

Paid for it by the electronic payments coalition.

Warning.

The following Zippercruder radio spot you are about to hear is going to be filled with F words.

When you're hiring, we at Zippercruder know you can feel frustrated.

For Lauren even.

Like your efforts are futile.

And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people.

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Which is why you should try Zippercruder for free.

At zippercruder.com slash zip.

Zippercruder doesn't depend on candidates finding you.

It finds them for you.

It's powerful technology identifies people with the right experience

and actively invites them to apply to your job.

You get qualified candidates fast.

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To needle in the haystack.

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Very funny McGee.

But what can we do for you Mr. Realcax?

Just like this, Molly.

I'm a little worried about the greeting cards I ordered this year.

I'm afraid this sentiment is a little too flowery.

Well, read one to us Mr. Realcax.

So, personally, I don't think a greeting card could be too flowery.

Why, certainly not.

Let him drip.

Oh, he says.

Oh, read the blurb.

Let's see.

All right.

It reads,

The season's greetings to you, my friend,

from the Johnson's Self-Polishing Glowcoat Man.

I hope that in 1942 and 43 and 44 and 45 and 46.

You'll remember all those little tricks I showed you about saving time and dough

by using Glowcoat on your flow.

On your flow, a sub-bama by far.

You shared it very conveniently, Mr. Realcax.

How it saves your linoleum and keeps it clean with a lovely glass in the dandy sheen.

Eliminates rubbing and buffing too.

And in 20 minutes or less, you're through.

Just pour some out and spread it around and let it dry.

You've found the color and pattern have come to life.

And so have you, your husband's wife.

Oh, that's true.

Your husband's wife.

If that ain't said, come on.

Hey, what's that noise?

That was long fellow turning over, hollow.

Stop with the dining room when the falling down again.

But go ahead, Mr. Realcax.

Well, there isn't much more.

All right.

But it goes, the best of wishes I send to you,

from me and that's the Johnson & Son Incorporated, too.

Well, what do you think of it?

Okay.

Okay.

I'll get something else.

Now he, you character, isn't he, Molly?

Ah, now he.

Well, I was talking to him one day and he looks all around to see if anybody was listening

and then whispered to me that Santa Claus didn't really live at the North Pole.

Said he really lived in racing Wisconsin.

See, that trees get awfully smart of me,

better not to miss much more.

Ah, I know.

But I decided that it would look a lot better up on the piano.

Well, that'll be nice.

Then it'll be out of the way.

Yeah, that's good.

And I've got something to say down in the window.

Okay.

Oh, I cut down the old pine tree.

Because the ones at the store were not free.

I told the man at the store.

There's an arc at the door.

I wonder who that could be.

Come in.

Oh, I have no Mr. Wimpers.

Oh, Mr. Wimpers.

Oh, Mr. Wimpers.

Oh, Mr. Wimpers.

Oh, Mr. Wimpers.

It's telling that it's the way human racetriff?

What's it with you?

I just dropped in to say goodbye for a cup of ribeque

is our, oh, I'm standing the hot of raisin chocolat with my PlayStation朵

ah.

Is your wife going with him Mr. Wimpers?

Who's Judy says?

Ah ah.

No, she has to stay here and knit.

Knit?

Dad she knit on the Train?

Not so good Mr. Wimpers.

Well, what on earth would you do in wrestling with the police?

Oh, she is the instructor at the police gymnasium, Mr. Miguel.

The whole force is just crazy and steady with her.

Please, I think they are.

How about you, Mr. Rwimple?

How much?

How much will you miss her?

No, how much will you miss her?

Oh, I shouldn't say that.

Sweet face is really a wonderful woman at heart, if any, and I doubt it.

Well, we'll call on her while you're going with us if there's anything we can do.

Yes, you might take her some food or something.

Oh, I wouldn't advise it, Mrs. McGee.

Last time, City Face was sick, some people took her some flowers and she threw them in their faces.

Oh, don't she like flowers?

Yeah, she loves flowers, but she hates people.

Well, goodbye folks and Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

The King's men sing, coming through the ride.

You're all the lastest while I've lived, coming through the ride.

Yes, the body's meed body, coming through the ride.

When if the body cares, the body needs the body to cry.

So everyone must have a lot of the messy butt to say that the mess is always nasty by.

Yeah, all the girls, they smile at you, come and come through the ride.

If the body needs a butt, come through the ride. If the body gets the body, the body cries.

Every little laddy has a body, there's a messy butt, may they say, hey, hey, yes.

All the lads and messies get together, and the other one will come in.

Popper will come and do the ride.

I'm prepared, what are you telling me now?

I don't know, it won't be long now, am I? Anyway, I hope not.

The straw is getting dollars and a bus trip to Bloomington.

Well, is it still awfully hot in here, McGee?

You're asking the wrong man, Mrs. McGee?

I'd be hot right now if I was up to my clavicle in ice cubes. This is a warm work.

Well, I hate to keep that dining room window open, but the thermostat on the furnace simply won't work.

Hey, have you been munching with that, McGee?

Who me?

Yes, you. With the thermostat?

Yes.

That's what I want to know.

Heck, I don't know anything about a thermostat.

I know that, too, but did you munchy with it?

When?

Any time.

Well, say I did kind of ticker with it last night, is that?

Oh, now it comes out, and just what did you do to it, mastermind?

Well, I was walking past it with a screwdriver in my hand, and the screwdriver caught one of the little screws,

and the first thing I knew, I had it all apart.

Wonderful little gadget, too.

McGee, I don't know what I'm going to do with you.

That's a coincidence, Molly.

I don't know what I'm going to do with this little thing, as I took out of it, either.

I couldn't find any way to get it back in there.

Oh, why didn't you tell me so I could call the furnace man?

Well, I was going to fix it myself when I got time.

I'm pretty ingenious with mechanical stuff. You know that?

Oh, sure.

What happened when you fixed my percolator?

What do you mean?

It chose coffee across the room like a fire extinguisher.

And my electric toaster.

Oh, well.

I have to fix breakfast where in the catchers miss.

Oh, well.

Oh, machine is perfect.

As soon as I finish with this tree, I'll fix it.

Stop the fire, I'll miss you too much.

Well, you going at night, I'll go to the dining room with you.

Oh, okay.

Just a small for them.

Come in.

Hi, mister.

Oh, hi, sis.

What are you doing?

I'm so glad, sis.

Sis, I'm currently engaged in giving this suppose moniker the forest across Katmosage.

Oh.

Hmm?

I said I'm doing a little whittling on this Christmas tree.

Look, do you always drink your milk like a good girl?

Sure, I do have it, sis.

Hi.

Well, you better.

That's all.

Take a look at this salt.

Only three years old and its teeth are all shot.

That'd be a lesson for you.

Okay, mister.

I wish you wouldn't bother me anymore.

Now, I've got to finish this job and get the salt I swept out.

So, you know, it smells andy in here.

Sure it does.

No nice to smell in the world in the sea to tree.

It's one of nature's lures to get us out into the great outdoors.

Is it honest, mister?

You heard it.

You've got to realize, sis, that there's a reason for everything in nature.

Oh.

What nature's reason for spending time?

Why, sis?

You mean to stand there with your little arms sticking out of your shoulders?

And tell me you don't know that?

Yes, I don't know, mister.

Nature gave us finished so we could have Popeye.

Oh.

Yeah, I guess I never thought of that, mister.

Nature is wonderful, isn't he?

She.

Huh?

Nature's this is always referred to as she.

Why?

Well, but, oh boy, here's my chance to make readers digest.

This?

Nature's called she because it's so inconsistent, unstable, unpredictable, beautiful, mean, gorgeous,

appealing, nasty, and nobody yet has ever understood her.

Do you think the readers digest what I say?

Well, don't you?

The name of the magazine, mister, is digest, not heartburn.

So, last time I ever tried to explain something to her, if I'm smart.

Oh, oh.

Aha.

Now we're getting some place.

Now to cut her down on the sides.

Stir in the ends a little bit.

We gotta come there.

Well, heavenly days, there goes that window again.

You don't have to worry about it anymore, Molly.

Here, here's a nice stick I made for you to pop it up with.

Oh, fine.

You're just the same.

Thank you.

Oh, forget it.

It's nothing but any red-blooded American boy thing.

It was very tough for love, you know, Molly.

Stay.

What?

What the game of the Christmas tree?

That's it.

I gotta trim down a little too fine.

Well, that's bad, I guess.

And I'm gonna work on that thermostat.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Folks, stay after day and night after night on this program and others for the past two weeks.

You've heard urgent requests to buy defense bonds and defense stamps.

It's getting a little repetitious, isn't it?

Well, it's going to get more repetitious.

We're going to say it again and often and loud.

This is not an invitation to a team party or a bingo game.

This is war, and we've got to do something about it.

It's going to cost a lot of money to win it, but it would cost a lot more than mere money to lose it.

Now, don't wait for somebody to come to your door selling bonds and stamps.

Get down to your bank or post office and lay it on the line.

This isn't the other fellow's fight, it's yours and mine.

So, here it is again.

Buy defense bonds and defense stamps.

Yes, if you live in Canada by war saving certificates or victory bonds.

Good night.

Good night, all.

Good night, all.

Good night, all.

Good night, all.

Good night, all.

This is Mahalo Wilcox, speaking for the makers of Johnson's wax finishes for home and industry.

Inviting you to be with us again next Tuesday night.

Good night.

This is a national broadcasting company.

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Hi, this is Alex Cantrowitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a long-time reporter and an on-air contributor to CNBC.

And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives.

So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it,

asking where this is all going to come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more.

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listen to Big Technology Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.