Finding Self-Worth and Love with Lilli Bewley

In this episode of The Art of Imperfect Adulting, Amy Stone speaks with Lilli Bewley about breaking relationship patterns, healing childhood wounds, and rediscovering identity through the lens of love and dating. Calling in from sunny Phoenix, Arizona, Lilli shares her transformative journey as a self-described “cycle breaker,” moving from performing life to authentic alignment and connection. Listeners will gain insight into how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, the power of inner work, and how clarity on needs and self-worth can radically transform one’s dating experience and overall well-being.

About Lilli Bewley: Lilli Bewley is a Dating Coach for Finding Love with over 10 years of experience in personal development. She, herself, went from just surviving in life to thriving in love & purpose. Currently, she is helping single & successful women love dating & find true love.

Main Topics Covered:

1. The role of childhood patterns and family models in shaping adult relationships and self-worth.
2. Recognizing and breaking unhealthy cycles as a conscious, courageous act—and what it means to be a “cycle breaker.”
3. Moving from high achievement and people-pleasing to inner alignment and authentic identity.
4. The importance and challenges of communicating needs rather than just emotions, especially for women who have experienced trauma or dysfunction.
5. How “performing life” and transactional self-worth show up in dating, career, and family—and the work required to shift toward true fulfillment.
6. Faith, spirituality, and overcoming religious trauma as sources of guidance and healing, regardless of doctrine.
7. Why inner transformation is the foundation for success in dating—and how dating apps can be used as a practice ground for self-awareness and boundary-setting.
8. Lilli’s framework for feminine dating archetypes and the “magnetic woman,” and how understanding these archetypes accelerates healing and connection.

Quote from the Episode: “There are parts of us that believe that we have to be bright and shiny, we have to be a certain way, we have to be a certain weight, we have to have a certain number in our bank account. Most women are in this transactional relationship with self, with love, and with performing—meaning, ‘If I’m sexy, then I’ll get love.’”—Lilli Bewley

Timestamps: [00:00:04] Amy welcomes Lilli Bewley and asks about her location in Phoenix, AZ

[00:01:10] Lilli shares her love for Phoenix’s winter weather and outdoor activities

[00:02:10] Pivot to love, relationships, and the theme of alignment and identity

[00:03:26] Lilli describes the impact of childhood patterns, early trauma, and the start of her inner healing journey over a decade ago

[00:06:25] Moving through high achievement, validation-seeking, and emptiness to see root causes of self-worth issues

[00:08:58] Amy and Lilli discuss awareness of recurring patterns and what it means to break cycles, especially as the oldest sibling

[00:10:23] Lilli explains her life situation at the turning point—working in corporate America and in an unfulfilling relationship

[00:12:10] The nuanced challenge of communication: expressing needs and understanding core wounds

[00:14:07] Amy relates mediation and conflict patterns to relationship dynamics

[00:16:19] Lilli reflects on her past—chameleon tendencies, people pleasing, feeling unsafe to be herself, and lack of purpose

[00:19:45] Lilli describes reaching a glass ceiling and catalyzing transformation with support from books, therapy, and her niece/nephew

[00:23:23] Lilli shares her experience of deep crisis and hearing “God’s voice” as a turning point in her healing journey

[00:25:58] Spirituality and faith—Lilli’s journey from religious trauma to finding purpose and identity

[00:29:52] The concept of performing life versus living in alignment; unpacking transactional worth

[00:33:35] Societal pressures and social media—why these cycles persist for younger generations

[00:34:41] Transitioning from a corporate job to becoming a dating coach focused on inner transformation

[00:35:55] Lilli’s feminine dating archetypes and the “magnetic woman”—attracting healthy love from a place of alignment

[00:39:00] Coaching focus and inclusivity—working primarily with women, but on identity and self-first foundations

[00:40:21] The role of dating apps, changing patterns, and using apps for practice and self-growth

[00:44:45] Lilli’s shoutout to her podcast and quiz; final rapid fire questions on sunrises, Amazon blue blockers, tipping, and gratitude

ABOUT THE SHOW: The Art of Imperfect Adulting elevates the voices of experience by sharing real stories from real people figuring out adult life. Every episode features honest conversations about life's choices, changes, and challenges—interviews with individuals (not celebrities) who share their personal experiences and insights. Through these authentic stories, listeners find validation, motivation, and inspiration for navigating their own path through modern life. Because there's a big difference between expert advice and shared experience, and hearing another person's lived experience helps us feel less alone in our own situations.

CONNECT WITH THE GUEST: Feminine Dating Archetype Quiz: DatingArchetype.com

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