FOLLOWING the loss of my STEPDAUGHTER, I DISCOVERED my spouse and his former

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Following the loss of my stepdaughter, I discovered my spouse and his former partner in our sleeping

quarters. I made the decision to sever all connections and begin a fresh. Original message.

My stepdaughter Becca, a 14-year-old female, passed away four weeks ago.

I've been in her life since she was seven years old. We were extremely close.

My husband Derek, 40 million, his ex-wife Sam, 38 feet, and I, 35 feet, get along very well.

There has never been an issue in the seven years that I've been with Derek.

Sam has always been kind to me. She didn't even care that Becca called me mom, too.

Right after Becca's passing, Sam had so much anxiety and depression that she was unable to be

by herself. She has no family besides us, so we invited her to stay with us.

Sam hardly leaves the house. She mostly just sleeps in Becca's room, which is completely understandable.

I always tell her that I'm here if she needs me and that I want her to take her time grieving

and that there is no pressure to go back to her home. Today I needed to run some errands,

so I asked Sam if she'd like to join me to get out of the house a little bit,

but she declined and said she'd rather just stay at the house and sleep.

I told Derek that I was leaving and that I would be back in two-ish hours. He works from home.

I also told him to check on Sam every once in a while, and maybe try getting her to eat something.

After stopping at the post office, I realized I forgot my library book that I needed to return,

so I went back home to get it. As soon as I walked in the door, I heard moaning coming from mine

and Derek's bedroom. I immediately knew what was happening, and my heart completely broke

at the moment. I wasn't completely sure what to do, but I ended up deciding to confront them,

so I walked to the bedroom and opened the door and began yelling at them both.

Sam started having an anxiety attack and ran to the bathroom while Derek kept apologizing

profusely. I asked him what the hell was happening. He told me that he made himself and Sam some

lunch and they began talking about Becca and shared some memories. And then Sam ended up kissing him

and he didn't pull back, and then it ended with them in our bed. They're begging me to understand

that it was just grief that caused them to become intimate and that they both made a mistake.

I don't know what to do. I love this man, and I love Sam. I'm heartbroken that they did this to

me and put me in this position. I feel so stuck. Relevant comments. Great championship 252.

That would be hard for me. I understand grieving, but how is this excusing cheating?

What happens next time he is sad? Edit, I misspoke when I said sad. Obviously this is something

beyond devastating. I still don't think it can be used as an excuse. Up. I don't want to excuse

his cheating. I think I want to divorce him, but I'm anxious about doing it right after we lost

Becca. Spellbound Mama, probably together. Do you both own the home? If it's in your name,

change the locks. Stay strong and don't listen to his excuses. I am so sorry this happened to you

during such a difficult time. Oh, up exactly what I was thinking if I'm being honest. And yes,

we both own it. When I told him to leave, he kept saying sorry and then said that he would leave

and respect me wanting him gone for a while. Impulsive ex thoughts. Are you seeing a therapist

perhaps? You're dealing with a lot right now. It might be useful. Up. Yes, I am in therapy.

I've been with my therapist for other things for the last three years. She's been very helpful.

I saw her yesterday and was able to figure some things out. Update 1, May 11th, 2024 I decided

that I'm filing for a divorce. I can't ever trust Derek again. It sucks because we had an

amazing relationship, I thought, he's always been great, so this was a complete shock to me.

Last night, Derek came over to talk. He confessed a lot, turns out it wasn't their first time having

sex like most people thought. They'd been having sex since three months before Becca died.

I am completely shocked and heartbroken. Sam also reached out last night and thanked me for

everything I've done for her and told me she was sorry. I didn't respond, I blocked her.

I did so much for Sam and considered her a friend so this hurts a lot, more than I can handle.

This is all too much. As hard as this is going to be, I need to leave Derek and cut them both

out of my life. I am ready to do so. I am done. Also, some people are saying I deserve this because I

should have known better than to let Sam into our home around Derek. Hey, it's Cole Swindell.

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slash zip. But you need to understand that I'm a giving person. I trust people more than I should.

I truly thought Sam was an amazing person. I know it's unusual to become friends with your

husband's ex-wife, but it's just how it went for us and I shouldn't be blamed for what happened.

Thank you to everyone who commented nice things and for the kind messages.

You've all been helpful during this insanely difficult time. I appreciate it.

Relevant comments, impulsive ex thoughts. Out of curiosity, what are his excuses for cheating?

Those two are going to be in a world of hurt once the guilt settles in.

They're going to be asking themselves why it had to be Becca and will eventually come to the

conclusion that it's their punishment for what they've done to you. I can pretty much guarantee

you that. Oh, he told me that they just accidentally reconnected one night when I was away at my moms.

He was stressed we weren't conceiving and we're having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam

and then somehow that led to sex. It seems so icky to me.

How can he vent about our struggles like that and then go and have sex with Sam? It's just awful

of him. I don't understand it. Editors note, remove the first half of the updates as it was a

rehash of update number one update too. May 13, 2024. I'm getting lots of questions about some

things so I figured I'd answer a few of them. Have I told anyone about what happened besides my mom?

Yes, I told a few friends and some family members. Most of them are supportive of my decision and

aren't speaking to Derek. Where is Derek staying? Currently, he's staying at a hotel.

Our friends refuse to let him stay with them. He's lost a lot of people due to his awful decisions.

Has he tried fighting me on getting a divorce? Yes, he begged me not to file for divorce,

but when I told him I needed him to just let me go and that I was too exhausted to fight him on this,

he let it be and agreed to getting a divorce. Why isn't Derek staying with Sam? He told me he

didn't want to continue to hurt me, so he told Sam he was done with her for good and that they have

no reason to speak to each other anymore. I have no idea if that'll last and if they'll just end

up together, but I truly don't care what they do anymore. I just want peace. What was Derek's excuse

for cheating? He told me that they just accidentally reconnected one night when I was away at my moms.

He was stressed we weren't conceiving and we're having miscarriages, so he vented to Sam and then

somehow that led to sex. Disgusting of them both, I know. Feel free to ask anything else, and I'll

try to answer. Thank you everyone for your support and advice. Relevant comments. Opion what happened

to Becca? Op. It was very sudden. She died in a car accident when she was with one of her friends

and her friends' parents. OOP on her husband's parents being supportive were not, and if they

know about his cheating AWP, I get along with Derek's mom very well, but he's also a mama's

boy so it's kind of complicated. She will always be there for him, he'd stay with her if she didn't

live across the country. She knows what he did and told me she had a talk with him but said that he

still her son and she'd help him with anything if he needed it. I'm thinking I need to cut her out

of my life too which makes me really sad because we were close and talked on the phone almost daily.

Opion if she has children with her husband OOP. We've had six miscarriages total, all of them were in

the first trimester. NSBP. More updates. May 14, 2024. I just found out that he is staying with Sam

and not at the hotel. He told me it's too expensive to stay at a hotel and Sam is the only one

that'll help him right now. I had a feeling this would happen, just knowing that they are still

probably sleeping together hurts my heart. I talked to a lawyer this morning and we are proceeding

with the divorce and Derek agreed to it. It's actually happening and I feel some relief that

he's not fighting me on this. My mom leaves on Sunday, I'm scared to be alone. But I go back to

work on Monday so I'm hoping it'll be a good distraction. I'll keep updating if anything else

happens. Thank you everyone, I am so grateful for you all. Relevant comments immaculate 329.

OP, how did you find out he was staying at his ex-wife's place? Anything he says should be taken

with a grain of salt. He is not true to his words and going on contact with Sam. Up.

He texted me this morning after we talked to lawyers and said he just wants to be honest with me.

I told him to stop giving me updates on what he's doing in his life and that it's not something I

need to know. It seems like he wanted to tell me to hurt me. OP on how she is doing, E-O-O-P.

Thank you. I'm doing a little better today. My mom and I went on some nature walks and went out

into the garden this afternoon that helped. Becca loved gardening with me so it made me feel

closer to her. Becca's diary. May 15th, 2024. I decided to go through some of Becca's stuff today.

I just found her diary in a box in the back of her closet. Would it be wrong to read some of it?

I feel like it would help me feel closer to her but part of me feels like it's wrong too. I haven't

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what would you do? Relevant comments. Opie on if she was closer with Becca prior to her sudden

passing. Opie, Becca and I were very close. It felt like she told me anything and everything,

but I honestly think all parents feel that way about their kids so I'm kind of nervous to read it.

Just a little update. May 19th, 2024, I figured it's been a few days, so I should give a little

update. My mom is leaving in a couple hours, so I'll be alone. I'm kind of nervous about it.

She helped me stay distracted and kept me going. It's how I'm going to handle her being gone.

I go back to work tomorrow, first day back since Becca passed away. I'm looking forward to it,

though, because it'll keep me distracted. Also, I did read some of Becca's diary. It made me

love her even more. She was such a sweetheart. I went back a few months and saw that she noticed

some weird behavior between Derek and Sam. Didn't mention that she knew of the affair,

but she just wrote that she thought it was kind of strange that they all three would hang out more

than usual, without me. I might read more, but so far I haven't found anything that's disturbing.

Just for being a teenager and talking about crushes, fights with friends, happy family memories,

etc. Tomorrow I'm also talking to my lawyer, so I might have more updates on that.

Thanks for the continuous love and support everyone. Last update for a while.

May 26, 2024 started randomly getting a lot more messages comments, so I figured I'd do another

little last update. My first week back at work went great. I wasn't expecting it to go so well,

but thankfully it did. My co-workers were so helpful and patient with me.

On Friday night I decided I didn't want to stay home all weekend alone, so I decided to drive

up to my mom's. It helps that I have a three-day weekend so I can spend more time with her.

I'm heading back home tomorrow. Also, for those of you that have messaged me hateful things

for reading Becca's diary, I just have to say. You aren't in my shoes right now,

telling me I'm a bad mom because I'm reading her diary is just ridiculous.

I learned so much more about her, about how caring and sweet she is, and it made me love her even more.

It's how I'm able to feel so close to her right now, so please don't tell me I'm a bad parent

for just trying to get by one of the hardest times of my life. You have no idea what it's like.

I don't have much of an update, so this will be it. I'll come back and update once the divorce

happens though. Thank you to those of you that have been nothing but kind and helpful.

You helped me feel less alone. I'll forever be grateful.

Sam saw my Reddit post and is threatening to sue me.

June 1st, 2024, Sam made a fake FB profile to message me and tell me she wants to sue me

for telling strangers about what happened. Derek supports her apparently. I don't need this.

Am I not allowed to vent about my life to people online? I just want life to get better.

I'm so tired. Fuck you Sam, fuck you Derek. Edit. Sam is in the comments and messaged me on here too.

Blocked her. Additional information from OOP OOP on the message from Sam, whoop.

No, I just ignored her. It might be an empty threat just to make my life harder, but I'm unsure.

Her message said, so I was scrolling TikTok and ended up on an account where they read Reddit

posts and guess whose posts they read. Yours. First you tell friends and family and then you go

to a bunch of strangers and tell them our life story. I can't believe you. It isn't just your

business to tell. Becca would be so disappointed in you. Be prepared because I think I'm going to

be suing you for this. This was no one else's business. You did this to yourself, remember that?

I'm actually baffled. She thinks Becca would be disappointed in me.

Body. I don't think I can do this anymore. June 11th, 2024 I have been as strong as I can be,

but I have been really struggling. So much is going on and I'm just so tired. How can I keep going?

I just want to be with Becca. I miss her. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss how she tried

to make you laugh when you were sad by telling dad jokes. I miss how she liked being in the garden

with me. I miss seeing all her new drawings. I miss her beautiful eyes. I miss everything about

her. I just want her back. I need her back. Edit. I am okay. I just needed a space to vent. I was

getting so many messages asking if I'm all right and I just wanted to say thank you to those that

reached out. I am okay. I will be okay. Some days are harder than others, but I think I'll get

through this. I'm so grateful for the little community I have here. Thank you all so much.

Sam took her life on June 20th, 2024 July 4th, 2024. Sam ended up taking her own life on June 20th.

I am still trying to process everything. She had hurt me deeply, but this isn't something I wanted

whatsoever. And Derek blames me. I feel so many things and I'm going to be away for a while again,

but I wanted to update you all. Thanks for the love of everyone.

Comment's OP on how she is doing after Becca's death and now Sam's passing. Up. I hope they're

together again. And I hope they're both at peace too. That's all I hope for. Thank you.

Taking a break from Reddit and going on a trip in a week. July 11th, 2024.

Well, I'm doing it. I'm taking the advice that so many of you had. I'm going on a trip since my

job doesn't need me till the middle of August. I was so lucky I had my mom come stay with me a lot

and had my best friend come stay with me when my mom couldn't. But I felt like I was asking too much

of them. So I decided that maybe traveling might actually be a good idea. In a week, I'm going to

Norway. Becca and I always wanted to go there one day. It was on our bucket list. I'm actually excited.

I'm also thinking of getting a pet when I come back, but might wait till I move. Thank you to

those that recommended I do this. Becca would be happy I'm doing this. She'd be so freaking thrilled

for me. You probably won't hear from me for a while. I'm taking a long break from Reddit and

all my social media. I think it's best for me. But just know, I love and appreciate all of you

that have been there for me. I would have been so lost without some of you. Yours truly, Alissa.

A few updates. October 24th, 2024. Hi, everyone. I haven't been on here in so long. I got so many

messages asking me to do an update. So here it is. Norway was absolutely breathtaking. I had so

much fun and met some amazing people while I was there. I plan on returning in the future for sure.

A couple weeks ago was the six-month anniversary of Becca's death. It's been hard, but it's

getting easier to live every day life. But it also pains me to say that because I feel guilty for

moving on and healing. I decay if that makes sense. Maybe it does to those who have also lost

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I moved out of Derek in my house a month ago and got myself a cozy little house all to myself,

and oh yeah, I got a dog. His name is Charlie and he's a Darling Little Cavalier Spaniel.

He's been great. I absolutely love him. Also, I am awfully divorced as of last week.

It was a very easy divorce and I'm so happy about that. But Derek didn't want any of Becca's

things when we tried figuring out who gets what. He left it all to me. I tried hard to get him to

take something because I feel like he'll regret it, but he said he didn't want anything. So I have

all of Becca's stuff. I have no idea why he didn't want anything, but I have it all in the guest

bedroom right now. I'm trying to figure out what to do with everything. Derek is apparently an

alcoholic now and quit his job. He seems to be doing terribly. Besides all that, I decay if I have

anything else to share. I just want to say thank you again to all of my supporters. I've made some

friends here and I am so thankful for you all. I appreciate every one of you.

Forward slash forward slash top comments commenter one, Alyssa, I think of you often and check

back periodically for an update. I'm so happy to hear that your trip went well. Equally exciting

to hear that you've moved on with your life, have a new house and a dog. Cavaliers are so cute and

sweet, enjoy. Becca's things belong with to you. You will know how best to honor her.

Wishing you the best life has to offer. Thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing.

Commenter two, I'm so happy you enjoyed Norway. I spent a summer there many moons ago when I was

17 years old. Lived with a host family in a tiny little town in the western fjords. It was

amazing. I'm also glad to hear you are moving forward your life. You should definitely preserve

Becca's things. I imagine Derek didn't want them B.C. he intends to head down a path of self-destruction

from which he may not come back. It's a shame he couldn't face his grief and find healthy ways to

cope with the pain. If he had, he likely wouldn't have destroyed your marriage and played a part in

the destruction of Sam. Last we heard from you, Derek was blaming you for Sam's death.

Does he still blame you? Or is he too drunk to care anymore?

Hold Becca in your heart and remember all the ways she was amazing.

You may end up being the only one left to carry her memory into the future.

Stay updated with more shocking real life stories happening around you.